Freakazoid!, Season 2

Debbie Douglas:
(waving goodbye to Dexter from the car) Have a good time, now!

The Lobe:
Don't touch that dial. For the next 40 minutes, I'm in control.

(The Lobe is watching Seinfeld)

Newman:
C'mon, Kramer, give me the donut!

Cosmo Kramer:
Never!

The Lobe:
(laughs) The whole key to this show is Newman.

The Lobe:
Now, with just a flick of the switch, my video-zapper will steal every movie, every program, every broadcast ever produced! Not only will I be able to flood the market with counterfeit cassettes - thus crippling the entertainment industry - but I'll never have to program my VCR again!

(Freakazoid breaks into a room to stop the Lobe - destroying a wall full of TV monitors in the process)

Freakazoid:
Hello? Lobe? Is this the right room?

The Lobe:
Freakazoid! Look what you've done!

Freakazoid:
Sorry. I'm in a hurry.

The Lobe:
There's a door not ten feet away. A fine invention. You should try it.

Duncan:
Aawww! What's the matter? Am I ruining your date?

Mr. Douglas:
Duncan! Mind your apples, huh!

Freakazoid:
FREAK IN! (while shifting back into Dexter, he still is Freakazoid) Uh-oh? (he then comes out of the stall as Oprah Winfrey) ZOIDS! I'M OPRAH WINFREY! OH, FREAK OUT! Okay, let's not PANIC! Let me try it again. FREAK IN! (shifting in as David Letterman) David Letterman?! Oh, FREAK OUT!

The Bus Boy:
Come, she awaits. (While passing every pillar in the restaurant, Dexter changes into Michael Jackson, Barney the Dinosaur, and The Skipper from Gilligan's Island)

The Bus Boy:
I have your date.

Steff:
That's not my date.

The Bus Boy:
Well, of course he is? (gasps) "Skipper" Alan Hale!

Freakazoid:
Oh, no. (in Alan Hale's voice) GOODBYE, LIL' BUDDIES!

The Bus Boy:
Here! I've found him.

Steff:
That's still not my date.

The Bus Boy:
Well, of... (gasps as he sees Freakazoid as Judge Lance Ito) Your Honor, I'm so sorry.

Freakazoid:
(depressedly) Me too. See ya.

The Bus Boy:
I THINK I'M GOING CRAZY!!!

Freakazoid:
(very depressed in a monotone way) Freak In. (shifts into Bette Milder) Oh, freak out. (shifts back into Freakazoid)

Medulla:
That is one happy man.

Freakazoid:
Oh, we've been at this all day! I hate this.

Cosgrove:
I know, kid, but it's tradition. No superhero can refuse any request on their birthday.

Caption:
IMPORTANT PLOT POINT

Freakazoid:
Cosgrove, are you positive that's a superhero tradition?

Cosgrove:
What, ya think I'm fibbing? I'm a fibby-boy? I heard it somewhere. Talk to the other superheroes if you don't believe me.

Freakazoid:
I can't. They're all away at some conference.

Caption:
ANOTHER IMPORTANT PLOT POINT

Cosgrove:
I'm wearing blue socks.

Caption:
NOT IMPORTANT

Freakazoid:
If you put baking soda and vinegar together, they make a little volcano!

Caption:
NOT IMPORTANT... BUT INTERESTING

Neighbor:
Hey! What are you doing!?

Freakazoid:
I'm fulfilling your request; I'm mowing your lawn.

Neighbor:
While the Lobe's attacking everybody?! Go get him already! What are you, wacko?

Wakko Warner:
No, I'm Wakko! [starts singing] Baton Rouge, Lousiana Indianapolis, Indiana, And Columbus is the capitol of Ohio--

Baton Rouge, Lousiana Indianapolis, Indiana, And Columbus is the capitol of Ohio--

Freakazoid:
HEY! Wakko, what are you doing here? We're kind of in the middle of something.

Wakko:
Oh, it's OK! Steven loves it when we do stuff like this. After all, Animaniacs is his favorite.

Freakazoid:
Uh, sorry to break this to you, Wakko, but if I'm not mistaken, Freakazoid! is Steven's favorite show. We got a memo.

Brain:
Ahem. I believe you're both mistaken. It is the sophisticated wit and charm of Pinky and the Brain that has captured Steven's heart, as well as making it the breakaway hit of the WB's schedule.

Freakazoid:
Well, why don't we just go find out?!

[Later, at the Amblin Entertainment building, they continue to argue.]

Steven Spielberg:
QUIET!!! Now what's this about?

Freakazoid:
First of all, Steven, thank you very much for taking the time to meet with us. We realize you're very busy, and--

Brain:
Oh, just ask him!

Freakazoid:
We were just wondering... who's your favorite?

Steven Spielberg:
Who are you people?

The Lobe:
Well, what about [the Superhero Codebook]?

Freakazoid:
There isn't any such thing as a Superhero Codebook, is there?! You made it all up! You made up all those rules! YOU FIBBED! YOU'RE A FIBBY-BOY!

The Lobe:
[chuckles] Freakazoid, really, you're completely delusional. Whatever gave you a silly ridiculous idea like that?

Freakazoid:
THIS! [holds up scrap of paper from the book] "Copyright Lobe Industries"!

The Lobe:
I knew I shouldn't have put that on there! Dumb, dumb, dumb!

Announcer:
[if the show hypothetically ended short] Since this week's episode ended early, I'll recite some of my favorite naughty limericks. I'm sure you'll find them pleasing and saucy. There once was a woman from Bristow...

Cosgrove:
I want a can of hash and some coffee.

Roddy MacStew:
Ay, that's the master chip. If I can disconnect it, the system will be as helpless as a man with big apples for feet!

Cosgrove:
One thing still bothers me. How come Vucanova has got such a rotten government?

Freakazoid:
Because individual liberty is the key to good government. A good example might be your local Anubis Market.

Steff:
Where customers are free to experience quality and service.

Roddy MacStew:
Aye, Steff. And to choose low prices without fear or coercion.

Prof. Jones:
I rest easier knowing that Anubis Markets are a division of Osiris Foods.

Everyone:
Food so good, you can eat it!

Freakazoid:
What can I say? It kept me on the air for another season.

[Cosgrove is trying to put on his VR Helmet when a gamer helps him]

Gamer:
There man, like, you were all fouled up, and now you're cool, in the butt, haha, awesome.

Cosgrove:
You're saying strange things. Stop it.

Cosgrove:
You're not a failure kid. It's just that your ideas are silly and dumb. By the way, there a heavy pillar rolling at you, I'd take care of that if I were you.

Freakazoid:
I can handle a pillar.

Freakazoid:
Don't let me fall into nothingness! I won't be happy there!

Cosgrove:
Few people would.

The Lobe:
Freakazoid! Why's it taking us so long to fall?!

Freakazoid:
'Cause it's funny!

The Lobe:
No it's not, it's just stupid! It's as dumb as that Handman episode!

[Guitierrez tries to find Freakazoid's weakness, so he pulls a green rock out of his cloak]

Guitierrez:
Behold, the purest Kryptonite. Feeling weak, my friend, oh so weak?

Freakazoid:
That's Superman's weakness, not mine!

Guitierrez:
Really?

Freakazoid:
Yeah, duuuuuuhhh!

Guitierrez:
Oh, that stupid man at the store! Well then, how about this! [pulls out a yellow pad of paper, and holds it in front of Freakazoid's face] Does the yellow hurt your eyes, my friend? Getting weak, oh so very weak?

Freakazoid:
That's the Green Lantern!

Guitierrez:
Oh, shoot! [throws it down] Then how 'bout some... [picks up a glass of water and throws it in Freakazoid's face] water in your face! Are you melting, melting, my friend?

Freakazoid:
That's the Wicked Witch!

Guitierrez:
Oh, we're wasting time. What is your weakness?

Freakazoid:
Well...

[scene switch to Freakazoid in a cage]

Freakazoid:
Dumb, dumb, dumb! Never tell the villain how to trap you in a cage!

Guitierrez:
You probably shouldn't have helped us build it, either.

Freakazoid:
I know! Dumb!

Guitierrez:
So... graphite bars charged with negative ions. That is your weakness, eh?

Freakazoid:
That, or poo gas.

Guitierrez:
You know, it's a funny thing. Nobody likes poo gas, my friend. Blagh!

Freakazoid:
I saw this once on an after school special. Mary & Sally, best friends. They did absolutely everything together. Then one day, Mary fell in with the "wrong crowd" and Mary didn't have time for Sally anymore. Sally would say, "Wanna go play a game or pretend we're kitties?" And Mary would say, "Uh-uh, I'm in with the wrong crowd!" Sally was so sad, that she ran home, climbed up a tree and started eating cookies. A ton of cookies. She got huge. Huge! HUGE! HUGE! Got any cookies, Mike?

[Left alone at a "Gulliver" show.]

Professor Jones:
Freakazoid? Where are you?

[pause]

Professor Jones:
Oh, the pain, the pain.

Freakazoid:
HUGGBEES!!!

The crowd:
HUGGBEES!!!

Cosgrove:
Hey, Cut it Out!

Woman:
It was awful! Awful! JUST AWFUL!!!

Freakazoid:
Can you be more specific?

Woman:
It was like having to watch Waterworld for a month.

Freakazoid:
Anything else?

Woman:
(screaming in fear) AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Freakazoid:
That should be enough to go on

Leonard Maltin:
Hi, I'm Leonard Maltin. Y'know, many consider "The Island of Dr. Mystico" one of the most pointless Freakazoid! adventures ever made. Interestingly, critics first loved the episodes, but that changed when they found out it wasn't European. However, today's episode does contain some interesting performances. See if you can spot Emmit Nervend in a walk-on role as a salty dance hall shaunteuse. Also-- [an oranguman barges onto the set and abducts him] No! For the love of humanity! Aaaahhhh!

Freakazoid:
Wheeee-hee-hee-heee! I'm flying a plane! I'm flying a plane! Boy, being a pilot's really neato!

Cosgrove:
You're doing real good, ki-- plane.

[Freakazoid and Cosgrove swerve to avoid oncoming plane.]

[Later on...]

Cosgrove:
Blimp.

[Freakazoid and Cosgrove swerve to avoid oncoming blimp.]

[Later on some more...]

Cosgrove:
Brando.

[Freakazoid and Cosgrove swerve to avoid a huge copy of Brando.]

Steff:
'Dat was a quite a jolt, Freak!

Freakazoid:
To our right is the right wing

everyone:
Ooohhhh!!!!

Freakazoid:
And at the left is something very special

Lobe:
Where?, I don't see anything.

Freakazoid:
Booga-booga-booga!!!!!!!

Lobe:
Aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Freakazoid:
What's wrong?

Cosgrove:
I just remembered. I don't know how to fly.

Freakazoid:
Can't see! Sun in eyes! Must talk like this!

Candle Jack:
Excuse me Freakazoid, is there anything I should do?

Freakazoid:
Why don't you stay here and... scare the professor!

Candle Jack:
Marvelous. [Heads off screen. Professor Jones is then heard screaming loudly]

Freakazoid:
Who are you? What have you done with the others?!

Dr. Mystico:
There'll be time for questions later.

Freakazoid:
No there won't; the show's over in ten minutes!

Dr. Mystico:
Well, if you hadn't wasted all that time in the plane!!

Dr. Mystico:
They called me mad! Insane! WENDELL!

[Jumping onto table and yelling]

Dr. Mystico:
They barred me from the universities until I had no choice but to flee here to conduct my research. Well who's crazy now? Hmmmm? Who's mad now? Hmmmmmmmm?

[Jumping back into his seat and speaking normally]

Dr. Mystico:
Try the casserole, Freakazoid, before it gets cold.

Dr. Mystico:
I'll build a private army of super apes and take over Cleveland!

Cosgrove:
Don't you mean the world?

Dr. Mystico:
I meant the world, yes... What did I say? Cleveland? I always do that.

Freakazoid, Cosgrove, Professor, and Villains:
Ooooh!

Dr. Mystico:
Now who wants to go first...

Freakazoid, Cosgrove, Professor, and Villains:
[all pointing at each other] He does!

[Sparkle meows into Dr. Mystico's ear.]

Dr. Mystico:
Why didn't you do that before we got down here? I'll deal with you all shortly. Sparkle has to tinky.

Cosgrove:
[walking through sewers] What do they call "poo-gas" in Scotland?

Roddy MacStew:
"Crud-vapors".

Cosgrove:
Crud-vapors. I like that.

Roddy MacStew:
From what ya tell me, it sounds like you can only use your telekinetic powers when you're really angry!

Freakazoid:
Then I'll only use them when I'm really angry!

Roddy MacStew:
That's what I just said!! Can you hear me or is there a wee goblin in your head eatin my words!?

Freakazoid:
I... don't think there's a goblin in there...

Freakazoid:
Why do I have to learn to move things with my mind?

Roddy MacStew:
Strength and speed will only take you so far, lad.

Freakazoid:
It got me a second season.

Roddy MacStew:
You can't count on that! Networks are fickle, they can drop you like a man with big oak fingers!

Roddy MacStew:
A vast river of woe is heading our way!

Roddy Macstew:
[seeing that Freakazoid mastered his levitation powers] By the soiled trousers of Argus! That lad's done it!

Cave Guy:
I think it was a big mistake to run in [this sci-fi convention]; this is frightening behavior in adults. I hope none of them touches me.

[Cave Guy bumps into someone cosplaying a Klingon (actually Freakazoid in disguise)]

Cosplayer:
[Says something in Klingon]

Cave Guy:
Go away!

[Cosplayer looks confused, then understands and hands Cave Guy a 'Klingon to English' dictionary]

Cave Guy:
Oh dear, a Klingon-to-English dictionary. You, made up a little language based off a TV show. That's not right!

Cos-player:
[Says another phrase in Klingon while buddying up with Cave Guy]

[Cave Guy runs out of the convention screaming and leaps into a manned police car]

Cave Guy:
Take me to jail, please! A Klingon is after me.

Announcer:
Of course, this whole fight is just busy filler because our main episode came up short on footage. Great planning around here, huh?

Freakazoid:
Joe, what are you doing?!

Announcer:
I'm tired of trying to cover for other people's mistakes!

Freakazoid:
You've been getting a real attitude lately.

Announcer:
Big deal!

Freakazoid:
You could be replaced by an intern, or maybe the announcer from Earthworm Jim!

Announcer:
Oh?

Freakazoid:
Yeah. Now stop buttin' in and stick to the copy!

[Freakazoid spends several off-camera minutes throwing himself at the invisible villain Invisibo, leaving him exhausted.]

Freakazoid:
Y-you give up yet? Say, "Uncle Jimbo's flying poodles" and I'll go easy on ya.

Invisibo:
Uncle Jimbo- wait, I'm winning.

[Invisibo hurls Freakazoid through a wall.]

Invisibo:
Farewell, you clownish being. When I again rule all, perhaps I'll keep you about as a jester, or a chimp, or something.

[A large e-mail window appears]

E-mail client:
You've got some nice e-mail!

Freakazoid:
Mail, for me? [Presses button, then reading] To Freakazoid, from Mandy Triceratops of Columbia University. My question concerns Pearl Jam. When will they appear on your show? Sincerely, Mandy. P.S. I am majoring in all the knowledge ever acquired throughout history. [Hauls window off-camera]

Cosgrove:
Those Columbia kids are pretty smart.

Freakazoid:
Huh, they sure are! Mandy, not to rain on your girlish hopes but Pearl Jam will never appear on this program because they would want money.

Freakazoid:
One: Norm Abram is missing. Two:...

Cosgrove:
We don't have a two.

Woman:
They took Norm! They kidnapped Norm Abram! AND I WAS NEXT!

Freakazoid:
Don't do it, Guitierrez! Remember when you were a nice guy.

Guitierrez:
I was never a nice guy!

Norm Abram:
YOU'RE AN EVIL MAN! (last line of the series)

Hero Boy:
I Must Succeed!

[Repeated line]

Vorn the Unspeakable:
And you are?

Freakazoid:
Aw, nut bunnies.

Freakazoid:
Will you hug me? I'm needy.