Hell's Kitchen, Season 5

Hell's Kitchen (2005–present), created by Gordon Ramsay, is an American cooking reality show based on the British program of the same title, where Chef Ramsay puts aspiring chefs through different challenges and dinner services to decide who is the best. It broadcasted on FOX in the USA and ITV2 in the UK. The narrator of the show is Jason Thompson.

[Gordon checks on salmon brought up by Colleen]

Gordon:
Oh, my God! [returns to the workstation] Come here you. Hey, Coi, come here! Carol, Lacey, come here! (to Colleen) Away now, two Wellington, yes, one salmon and one John Dory. Where's the John Dory?

Colleen:
(brief pause) I don't have the John Dory.

Gordon:
You don't have it. Hey, look, come here. Hey, there you go, look at that. [holds up the salmon] Look, look, hold on, hey, don't run away. IT'S BLACK! On top of that, there's an added bonus. It's fucking raw in the middle.

Colleen:
Yes, chef.

[Gordon angrily throws the salmon away and kicks the bin]

Gordon:
Fucking useless, fucking shit. You're not a cookery school teacher, are you? You're joking, aren't you?

Colleen:
No, I'm not joking, chef. I am a--

Gordon:
Tell me, tell me you're pomping yourself up to make yourself look good. You don't really have a cooking school?

Colleen:
No, chef, I own a cooking school. I have a business just like you do.

Gordon:
Your fucking business is not like my business. Hey, madam, let's get that fucking right.

Colleen:
You're right.

Gordon:
You're robbing people! You're a thief!! I'm concerned for the poor bastards that you've taken money off of!! [sees another piece of salmon burning] Hey, madam, lift that lid off, it looks black.

Colleen:
It IS black!

Gordon:
Oh, GOD!!

Colleen:
Both of them!

Gordon:
SHIT! [Gordon and Coi look physically shocked] SHIT!!! IT'S BLACK!!!

Colleen:
Yes, chef!

Gordon:
OH, MY GOD!!

Carol:
These are burning.

Colleen:
I know.

Gordon:
Hey, madam, madam! GET OUT!! Get on the raw bar. Lacey! LACEY! Get on the fish!

Lacey:
Yes, chef!

Colleen:
(interview) Chef Ramsay's definitely not going to break me. He can ask me to leave, he can kick me out of the kitchen, he can do all those things, but he's not going to break me.

Narrator:
It's thirty minutes into dinner service, and Ben is trying to impress Chef Ramsay with his speed.

Ben:
[bringing some chocolate brownie desserts to the pass] Coming down with desserts. Coming down with desserts...

Narrator:
Unfortunately, having dessert ready before the appetizers is not exactly what Chef Ramsay had in mind.

Gordon:
Dick-head, put them down. [calls entire team] Hey, all of you, come here. Ben's now bringing me a chocolate fucking brownie. [tosses one dessert on the counter] WHAT'S GOING ON?!

Seth:
(interview) I didn't know what was going on, but he brought up dessert four minutes in. I mean, I've done some stupid shit, but that's embarrassing.

Gordon:
So, let's do it this way, then. There you go. [puts the desserts on the pass] Ben wants to serve a chocolate brownie before we serve the appetisers.

Ben:
No, chef.

Gordon:
What are you dreaming on?! Are you stupid?!

Ben:
No, chef.

Gordon:
You've got cheesecake made as well!

Ben:
Yes, chef.

Gordon:
We've trashed six desserts before we've sent out fucking appetisers!

Ben:
It was my fault, chef. (interview) It was my mistake for not exactly knowing Chef Ramsay's terminologies, but fuck me if the words "pick" and "up" don't mean "give you the desserts!"

Gordon:
Have you been drinking or sniffing?

Ben:
No, chef. No, chef.

Gordon:
Look at me: Go upstairs for a lie-down.

Ben:
No, no, chef!

Gordon:
Go upstairs for a lie-down! [leads Ben out of the kitchen, then walks away] Useless. Absolutely useless. [a couple of seconds pass, then Ben quickly returns into the kitchen]

Narrator:
As the Blue Team heads to the spa for a day of pampering...

J:
Off to the spa we go...

Narrator:
...Back in the dining room, Max's mom lets J.P. know that he'll be working with someone to plan the party.

Brenda:
This gentleman is very recommended.

Jean-Philippe:
Yes.

Brenda:
So, um...

Francisco:
Bonjour, darling!

Brenda:
Oh, here he is now.

Narrator:
...Someone he knows all too well.

Francisco:
Oh, it's so good to see you! [hugs J.P.] I'm so happy to be here. Are you thrilled to see me?

Brenda:
Alright, well, see you tomorrow.

Francisco:
Thank you.

Jean-Philippe:
(to Francisco) Listen, you. You are not interfering with my job.

Francisco:
I respect your boundaries.

Jean-Philippe:
Alright, I'll do my thing, and then you do your little thing.

Francisco:
"My little thing." Oh, it will be so happy.

Jean-Philippe:
Good.

Francisco:
Oh, here they [the Red Team] come.

Jean-Philippe:
Ladies, ladies, ladies, we've done a few parties in the past with Francisco.

Francisco:
I'm so excited to be here, this is so fabulous! [the ladies laugh] Wait until you see what we're doing. We are going to go up, up, and away with beautiful balloons, all around. It's going to be so festive!

Coi:
(interview) Oh, Francisco's just fabulous, all the way around.

Francisco:
We have twinkly centerpieces on all of the tables...

Andrea:
(laughing) Twinkly!

Coi:
(interview) It's the way he talks, it's the way he dresses, everything. He's fabulous.

Francisco:
We are going to make this the most beautiful sports arena!

LA:
(interview) I'm gay, that dude is parade gay.

Gordon:
Oh dear. Excuse me! Oh, dear! Let's go, come down! Hurry up! Taste them. There, there you go, there's a nice big slice for you. Aw, fuck it!

Carol:
Hard and raw chef.

Gordon:
Fucking hell! [throws the potatoes away] Why are the potatoes crunchy? Who cooked them then?

Carol:
I did chef. If they go in the oven when the order comes in, they should be fully cooked. (interview) I don't know why they didn't cook. I never cooked potatoes that long before I sliced that thin.

Gordon:
(To Jean-Philippe) Hey, come in here you! Have I got news for you, yeah? Tell him then, tell him! HE'S GOING TO GO AND EXPLAIN TO THE CUSTOMER!!

Jean-Philippe:
What's happening?

Carol:
The potatoes are undercooked. If they go in when the order comes in, they should be fine.

Jean-Philippe:
What's undercooked?

Gordon:
Say that again?!

Carol:
If she [Andrea] fires it when the order comes in, when it's ready to go -

Gordon:
Au-gratin dauphinois need to be cooked before service!

Carol:
Yes, chef.

Gordon:
Now you're blaming her.

Carol:
I'm not blaming her chef.

Gordon:
Hey, Andrea, she's trying to sabotage. She can't even tur -

Carol:
I'm not.

Gordon:
What?

Carol:
I'm not sabotaging.

Andrea:
(interview) I was embarrassed for Carol. She's pointing out other people's mistakes. Point me out! I dare you!

Gordon:
Here's the next question, how long then til they cook?

Carol:
Maybe ten minutes.

Gordon:
Oh, look how cool she is! She said "maybe ten minutes"!

Carol:
(interview) They should've been done. Why didn't they cook?

Gordon:
(to the customers) Maybe ten minutes everybody, for your Au-gratin dauphinois!! (to Carol) Look at them, the poor souls! Are you stupid?!

Carol:
No, chef. I'm not.

Gordon:
Bullshit! [throws his towel away]

Andrea:
(interview) Those potatoes! I was embarrassed for Carol.

Gordon:
Why didn't they cook to begin with?

Carol:
Chef, yes, I cooked them in the cream for an hour.

Gordon:
WHAT?!

Carol:
Yes.

Gordon:
You cooked them in the cream for an hour?

Carol:
In boiling cream for an hour.

Gordon:
Crunchy gratin dauphinois. Useless.

Gordon:
On order, six covers table 20. Entrées: Two wellington, two chicken, one lamb, one Dory. Wellington's medium, yes?

Final 6:
Yes, chef!

Gordon:
(to Andrea) Right Andrea, what's going? [gets no answer] No answer. I'm not in the best of moods, ah? I don't like being ignored in my own fucking kitchen. What's going?

Andrea:
I have no idea, chef.

Gordon:
Oh, my God almighty.

Robert:
(interview) On garnish, you've got to be thirty seconds before everybody else. If she's not checking the tickets for us, we're screwed.

Gordon:
Yes, chef.

Gordon:
Hey, she's running the section, yet she has no idea of what's going. (to Giovanni) Tell her, chef.

Giovanni:
Two wellingtons one medium, one medium-rare and lamb medium? I'm sorry, lamb medium-rare. Two lamb medium-rare.

Gordon:
Oh my God.

Robert and Ben Walanka:
Two chicken.

Paula:
Two chicken and a Dory.

Giovanni:
Two wellington, Two chicken and a lamb.

Gordon:
Two wellington, two chicken, one lamb, one fucking Dory.

Final 6:
Yes, chef!

Gordon:
One wellington's medium, the rest is FUCKING NORRRRRRMAL.

Final 6:
Yes, chef!

Gordon:
Unlike us. (to Andrea) What's going, madam?

Andrea:
I have no idea, chef.

Gordon:
You have no idea.

Andrea:
I have no idea, chef.

Gordon:
Hey, come here you. Hey... fuck off! Hey madam, (points to the front entrance) through the door there! FUCK OFF!

[Andrea walks out of the door while the camera crew follows her]

Andrea:
Get that fucking camera out of my face.

Jean-Philippe:
Andrea, relax. The only thing he wants from you is to come back. You need to fight back. If you don't, you're finished.

Andrea:
(interview) This is the hardest... most difficult, most up-and-down thing that I've ever, ever done in my entire life! [to Jean-Philippe] It's just been out of fucking control tonight. There's no communication with anybody, and I just haven't recovered.

Jean-Philippe:
You want to stay?

Andrea:
Yes, I want to fucking stay! I've been through too much hell right now to fucking leave!

Jean-Philippe:
Absolutely. So keep it to Gordon.

Andrea:
(interview) It's just a reminder of how difficult it's been and how much...how much I just want this so bad.

Jean-Philippe:
So now you need to be strong. Go back in there, and give it your best shot. Go on, then!

Andrea:
(interview) I put everything I have into this every day, and I just had to go in there and fight for the rest of it.

Gordon:
[to Andrea] Right, what's going?

Andrea:
Two chicken, two lamb, one wellington, one Dory.

Gordon:
Thank you. Back in the kitchen! NOW WAKE UP, ANDREA!

Andrea:
Yes, chef!

[Ben has been struggling on the garnish station]

Gordon:
What's going, Ben? (gets no response) Oh, my God almighty! Oh, come on. Three Dory, two salmon, one chicken. (sees what Ben is doing) Why is he putting the lettuce there like that? He's trying to sauté it.

Scott:
I don't know, chef.

Gordon:
Look at the mess of this guy.

Scott:
He throwing everything in a pot.

Ben Walanka:
(interview) I was just absolutely... just mind-boggled.

Gordon:
[picks up a pan and a piece of lettuce] You've got a pan here like that and you're throwing lettuce on top like that... you're shit. You are so shit, you don't realise what you're doing!

Danny:
(interview) Oh, man Ben! Like, come on. You know better than that.

Gordon:
Hey, come here a minute. Why are you doing this? You're just adding the lettuce to the tomato and cucumber, you're not sautéing the lettuce?

Ben:
Chef, I was in a side pan s-sautéing the tomatoes and the cucumbers, chef. But I did it wrong, chef.

Gordon:
Yeah, you're fuckin' up, you're cutting corners, and you're slipping big time! Do you know what? Do you know your biggest problem that'll always be the downfall of your career? You're full of fuckin' shit! 'cause every time you get fuckin' something wrong, you give a bullshit fuckin' excuse, but right now, I'm fed up with your bullshit excuses!

Ben:
(interview) There's really nothing that I can do to please Chef Ramsay, and I'm slowly but surely being able to accept that.

Gordon:
FUCK OFF!!

Ben:
Yes, chef.

Gordon:
You're too dangerous to have on service. I asked you what you're doing, you said you're sautéeing tomatoes, ARE YOU FUCK! YOU DIRTY PIG! GET OUT!! GET OUT!! Un-fuckin'-believable.

[Ben walks into the pantry and angrily bangs his head on the door]

Ben:
(interview) What the fuck is going on?! I–I'm very upset right now, but I don't give up. I'm a good cook, I know how to cook. You know, I feel like I need to really try and pull it together. [goes in the bathroom to wash his face] Okay, we're back. (interview) I certainly ain't leaving here without a fight. I'll tell you that.


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