Holby City, Series 10

[Jac's ruthless ambition has made her notorious. Connie very reluctantly accepts Jac as acting registrar in her own department.]

Connie:
You are very much on probation. I will be watching you.

Jac:
I'll do whatever it takes.

Connie:
Yes, that's what I'm afraid of.

[Earlier, Jac told Kevin Mathers that she had no time for "God botherers". She is now about to perform a very risky operation on a patient whose confession Kevin has been hearing.]

Kevin:
Will it annoy you if I pray for you?

Jac:
Yep!

Kevin:
I might do it anyway, then.

Jac:
I'll do some extra sinning to cancel it out.

[Michael and Connie are arguing over the best way to treat Sam Strachan.]

Connie:
You should have treated this conservatively with blood and antibiotics.

Michael:
Well I beg to disagree.

Connie:
Begging may be your only option - if he dies.

Michael:
He's not going to, now, is he?

Connie:
I'm sorry. Where does this arrogance come from?

Michael:
My ability - just like your arrogance, Connie.

Connie:
No! No! I'm not arrogant, Mr Spence. I am profoundly gifted.

Michael:
And hugely modest!

Sam:
So, you've knocked Faye up you dirty old dog.

Joseph:
What? No no...it's a patient.

Sam:
Come off it Joey boy.

Joseph:
Alright it's Faye.

Sam:
It's a kid not the antichrist.

Carl:
From now on I own you. Now give.

Jac:
How much? How much did you give her Joseph?

Joseph:
Five thousand. I made it out to cash.

Jac:
You gave him a cheque? You idiot.

Joseph:
What?

Faye:
What if our presence upsets her?

Joseph:
Why did you tamper with the brakes?

Ric:
You get into bed with Connie Beauchamp, you pay the price. Look at Sam.

Michael:
Yeah but you and me ain't as dumb as Sam. Look all I'm saying is lets just do this one op with her, I'm not getting naked with her.

Donna:
Who's getting naked with who?

Ric:
Donna, we're changing.

Donna:
I'm a nurse. Look, Sam, I need to find Mr Byrne urgently.

Sam:
Have you tried Darwin...where he works?

Michael:
Can we do anything to help?

Donna:
No, you guys are my butlers, he said he'd be my auctioneer only now he's vanished.

Sam:
I...don't think I agreed to be your butler.

Ric:
I definitely didn't.

Donna:
Well you guys got the email right?

Michael:
What did I forget to RSVP?

Joseph:
Mr Drummond...acute chest pain...how long's this been going on for?

Mr Drummond:
Not sure.

Joseph:
You don't know how long you've been in pain?

Elliot:
Have you ever thought of getting married again, Connie?

Connie:
Me? Get married? Yes, of course - I'm just waiting for the right billionaire cum Nobel laureate.

Jayne:
Great. Now I'm going to burn in hell And feel depressed.

Paul:
If he does start rambling on about waking up during the operation, just tell him it's a common experience.

Daisha:
He woke up!?

Paul:
Well, reflex actions.

Daisha:
But he actually woke up!?

Paul:
Alright, keep it under your hat.

Daisha:
Who the hell was the anaethatist?!

Paul:
Me. It was a reflex action!

Daisha:
Mr Rose what's wrong with your eyebrows?

Joseph:
I'm sure Faye will be alright, she's a bit like a cat. Multiple lives.

Joseph:
Terrible drivers in Capetown.

Linden:
I'll drive on the way back, you nearly killed us three times.

Joseph:
None of those were my fault.

Linden:
Jumping a red light is kind of your fault.

Joseph:
Faye made me watch a film the other night, I'm not sure if you've heard of it. Die Hard.

Linden:
She married a gay guy?

Joseph:
Perhaps she didn't know at the time.

Linden:
Perhaps he didn't know.

Jac:
We were close, once.

Joseph:
Please don't remind me.

Joseph:
If there is no other hypothetical surgeon available I suppose I will hypothetically operate.

Jac:
I've had plently of time to lie here and think about myself. About myself as a grade A bitch.

Joseph:
That would be grade A scheming bitch.

Mark:
You don't want friends do you? You don't even really want colleagues, you'd be happy spending the day with a bunch of robots.

Linden:
It'd suit me fine. No talk. No mistakes.

[Jac has a pneumonthorax, and is seriously ill.]

Jac:
How much trouble am I in?

Joeseph:
No trouble at all.

Jac:
Elliot.

Elliot:
He's right.

Jac:
Tell me the truth.

Joeseph:
No, the truth is you're going to be fine.

Elliot:
So shut up and let me concentrate.

Jac:
Some bedside manner.

[Talking about Elliot.]

Donna:
You've got nothing to worry about. He might look like a Womble, but he's the best there is. He's healed more people than...

Fergus McKellar:
Jesus?

Donna:
He's a close second.

Fergus McKellar:
What is it they say about books and their covers?

Donna:
If it looks as dull as crap, then it probably is.

Jayne Grayson tells Ric and Connie that Michael Spence has introduced her to Rev Steve Randall, an American church minister who is offering to pay for the separation of conjoined twins.]

Ric:
You're not saying that Mr. Spence has found God?

Connie:
No, Mr. Spence thinks he is God!

[Joseph is on the phone to a prospective wedding venue]

Joseph:
No, I have no interest in hiring your establishment, with or without a bouncy castle.

[Joseph puts the phone down]

Jac:
Lighten up, Joseph. I'm sure it's not the first time you've enjoyed yourself on top of an inflatable.

Jac:
[comparing Joseph and Faye] You are a stately home in the country and she is a motel off the M4.

[Ric has forced Jayne Grayson to increase Lola's redundancy package; he has just revealed to Lola that he knew she had been offered another job and was planning to leave anyway.]

Lola:
So you were faking it...

Ric:
...And you were faking it. And fortunately Jayne Grayson was convinced enough to reach for her cheque book.

Lola:
You could have told me.

Ric:
No, it had to be the real deal.

Lola:
"Plausible deniability", eh?

Ric:
Something like that.

Lola:
I really thought you'd sold out.

Ric:
Lola, there must have been half-a-dozen times over the past twenty years when I would happily have seen you subjected to cruel and inhumane animal experimentation.

Lola:
The feeling has been mutual.

Ric:
But there comes a time when you realise that the things you have in common far outweigh the things that divide you. And that has to count for something. I couldn't let you get shafted by Jayne Grayson.