Hot in Cleveland, Season 4

Sally:
(to Joy) So, how about you? How'd you do with the fireman?

Joy:
We have a date.

Sally:
I give it six months.

Dr. Hill:
What are you doing Saturday night?

Mamie:
I'm having dinner with a tall, handsome doctor.

Dr. Hill:
(disappointed) Oh.

Mamie:
It's you!

Sean:
Joy didn't mention you were an actress.

Victoria:
But then what do you guys talk about?

Elka:
You've seen him shirtless. Why would they talk?

Melanie:
You are amazing

Alec:
So, is this your fantasy?

Melanie:
It's better than a fantasy. It's real.

Reverend Lare:
You did drop a rather large bombshell.

Philipa:
Please! I lived through the Blitz! Bombshells were dropping everywhere, people dying. Did anyone die today?

Joy:
(leaning in) Not yet.

Joy:
(about her mother) What? So, I'm, supposed to forgive her?

Reverend Lare:
We are pretty big on forgiveness here.

Joy:
Well, can you recommend a church that's big on revenge? Because I want to go there.

Victoria:
You faked porned him?

Melanie:
I faked porned him.

Joy:
Why?

Melanie:
I-I panicked. Emmet said men like enthusiasm, so I went a little overboard. I mean, I was like someone reviewing their own business on Yelp.

Victoria:
You set the sex bar way too high.

Melanie:
I know! And now he's going to expect fake porn Melanie every time; I'm going to be so busy putting on a show that I won't be able to relax and enjoy it.

Joy:
Wilbur, Nana's home. Were you a good boy for Elka and Mamie-Sue?

Mamie-Sue:
Oh, yes; we read Baby Shakespeare, listened to Baby Beethoven. I think both of them did better work as adults.

Joy:
Wilbur, darling, say Nana. Na-na.

Baby Wilbur:
Nana.

Joy:
Did you hear that? Wilbur just said his first word. And it was Nana.

Mamie-Sue:
Well, actually his first word wa...

Elka:
Zip it.

Victoria:
I'm on a film mission. Now, have him do a second take.

Joy:
Wilbur, say it again. Say Nana.

Baby Wilbur:
TV.

Melanie:
Did he just say TV?

Elka:
I heard Nana.

Baby Wilbur:
TV.

Elka:
That's from Baby Shakespeare. TV or not TV.

Joy:
Owen and I made it very clear: no TV, no processed sugar, watch your language.

Baby Wilbur:
Crap!

Elka:
That is us watching our language.

Joy:
That's it. You two are off the baby-sitting list. You are never watching Wilbur again.

Baby Wilbur:
Bitch!

Elka:
(after everyone just looks at her) I got nothing.

Joy:
(to Elka) Was it hard pushing a stroller around before the invention of the wheel?

Jenna:
My friend's mom had a late baby too. Her name is Why God Why.

Joy:
(with her hand stuck) Stupid glue. I can't get this wine-glass out of my hand.

Elka:
Well, that's how you look eighty percent of the day anyway.

Melanie:
(on the phone to her daughter) Hey, Jenna. It's mom. No. No, everything's okay. I just, just really wanted to talk to my baby. So, what's new? Aaah, oh wow, you're kidding! That's great. It's just great. No, no, I got time. Yeah, I just... want to hear everything.

Melanie:
Maybe it is too soon for me to start dating.

Joy:
That's ridiculous. You like him and he likes you; you're already ahead of most of my relationships.

Melanie:
I'm really sorry about last night, but I really was just trying to help my friend.

Dr. Aaron Everett:
Which means you're a nice person.

Melanie:
Thank you.

Dr. Aaron Everett:
And... I'd like to get to know the girl that broke my uterus. Dinner tonight?

Melanie:
Yeah, I'd love to.

Elka:
(to Joy about the Man-Hands film) I wanted the A.

Joy:
Sorry I'm late; what'd I miss?

Victoria:
Oh, we were just telling sad, bloated Melanie that Alec was right to break up with her.

Joy:
What! That's a horrible thing to say. You're going to make her cry.

Elka:
That's the plan.