ICarly, Season 6

[T-Bo lifts up a sign that says 'Warning']

All:
Hello.

[T-Bo puts down the sign]

Carly:
You're about to watch the worst episode of iCarly.

Sam:
It's, different.

Freddie:
It's unusual.

Gibby:
It's not for normal people.

T-Bo:
You might find it, disturbing.

Spencer:
Don't make rude comments about it, or we will find you and hurt you in a very rude way.

[They all lift up knifes.]

Carly:
And try to remain calm.

Sam:
As you enjoy this special new episode of iCarly.

[All of them eat a spoonful of soup]

Gibby:
Gibbaayy.

Spencer:
Look, you guys, it's not worth-(Gibby, who is sneaking up from behind, whacks him with a stop sign)

Gibby:
APRIL FOOLS, YEAH! Pow! Gotcha. (laughs)

Carly:
Gibby?!

Gibby:
What's up?

Freddie:
You just smashed him over the head with a stop sign!

Gibby:
Sure did.

Sam:
That's not how April Fools works!

Gibby:
Oh. (drops the stop sign, runs up to Spencer, kisses his cheek, and runs out. Spencer looks traumatized, but then puts his arms down and smiles)

Carly:
(pulls out her PearPhone) Hey, you know what? (the others all ask her) It's only 8:15, and we don't have to be out of this apartment 'til 10.

Spencer:
SO?!?!

Carly:
So...why don't we have a little party here?

Freddie:
A party?

Sam:
You mean with people, and snacks and drinks and a party bush?

Carly:
Yeah!

Freddie:
Can we invite T-Bo?

Carly:
Sure!

Sam:
(talks into T-Bo's magic lamp) HEY T-BO! GET OUT HERE, WE'RE HAVING A PARTY! Woo. (puts it back on the shelf. T-Bo is then magically summoned from the lamp)

T-Bo:
A party?! ...With a party bush? (the others all agree to it) Hey wait wait. Wh-what's the date today?

Freddie:
April 1st.

T-Bo:
Uh-huh. (grabs a stop sign and whacks Spencer with it) Shabow! (as he laughs, Carly, Sam and Freddie all look shocked) April Fools!

Spencer:
THAT...IS NOT HOW WE CELEBRATE!!!

Freddie:
T-Bo...

Carly:
Will you just take us to the next scene, please?

T-Bo:
Well, all right. (crosses his arms, wobbles his head and the scene cuts to him massaging Sam's shoulders as music plays.)

Sam:
Yeah-hah, now this is a party! (everyone cheers, and Sam and Spencer hi-five)

Carly:
Except wait. There's no party bush!

Spencer:
Yeah.

Freddie:
Whoa whoa whoa, I am NOT partying without a party bush.

Carly:
It's okay.

Freddie:
No! I want a party bush. (Carly is trying to talk over him) I can't have a party without-there's no party without the party bush! I gotta have the party bush. (Carly walks up to him and grabs his arm) If I don't have the-whooo! I feel weird! (starts to slowly fall to the floor) I-I need a party bush. I need a-something-I need a party bush. I need a party bush.

Spencer:
Uh, T-Bo...will you blink us a party bush already?

T-Bo:
Hold on...I'm blinking. (crosses his arms and wags his head at them. A party bush appears and the others cheer)

Freddie:
Okay. Now what do we do?

Carly:
Uh, we just hang out and talk about stuff that happened to us in the past.

Spencer:
You know, I sure like that web show you kids do, iCarly.

[The three of them thank him]

Sam:
Hey Carls, remember why we came up with the idea to do iCarly?

Carly:
Yeah. It's cause Ms. Briggs said we-

Sam:
Whoa hey! Sshhhh! Let's just, think back on it.

Carly:
Riiigghtt.

Spencer:
Can we, all think back on it together?

Carly:
Yeah sure.

Sam:
Um, let's see. Carly and I were at school.

[Everyone looks up for a flashback]

[flashback]

Ms. Briggs:
Yes, and I imagine you'll even be sorrier after I grade your next exams.

Carly:
Uh, Ms. Briggs.

Mrs Briggs:
What!

Carly:
I typed up a list of all the kids we think should be in the talent show. [hands Ms. Briggs the list]

Ms. Briggs:
Snorting milk, pogo-stick hopping? These aren't talents!

Sam:
They were the most fun kids to watch.

Ms. Briggs:
Goodbye. [begins to walk out]

Carly:
Wait! So you're not gonna let any of the kids we picked be in the show?

Ms. Briggs:
That's right, girls. [begins to walk out again]

[There's a sudden whirling noise and a bright light, to which Spencer dressed as Ms. Briggs appears in the middle of the school hallway.]

Fake Ms. Briggs:
I am the real Ms. Briggs from an alternate universe.

Carly:
Woah.

Sam:
Holy chiz.

Ms Briggs:
You fool. [walks over to the fake Ms. Briggs] If our energies collide, it will cause an explosion of galactic magnitude!

Fake Ms. Briggs:
Scared Ms. Briggs?!

Ms. Briggs:
I'm not scared of you!

[They both make noises and jump round in a circle before beginning to attack]

Carly:
No don't!

Sam:
Don't touch each other!

[Both Ms. Briggs touch and they beginning shaking and light appears around them]

Sam:
[to everyone] Hit the floor!

[Everyone gets down on the floor, both Ms. Briggs carry on shaking more and more and they eventually blow up]

[Both Carly and Sam get up and walk over to the bright orange mark left on the floor while also coughing because of the smoke]

Carly:
Wow.

Sam:
Yeah.

[School bell rings]

Carly:
Hey we should start a web show.

Sam:
Okay, what will we call it?

[Freddie runs in]

Freddie:
How about "iCarly"?

Carly and Sam:
Okay!

Freddie:
Yeah!

[A dog randomly in the school hallway barks, and so the three of them turn to it]

Carly:
Oh Sparky.

[All three of them laugh]

[They all freeze, then Freddie quickly itches his nose and then freezes again]

[after flashback]

Freddie:
Aww, I'd forgotten about old Sparky.

Spencer:
Well, he's never far from our hearts.

Carly:
Cause his head's always right there on our wall.

[They all look up to at Sparky's head on the wall.]

Sparky:
Woof woof, woof woof!

Spencer:
Sttaaayyy.

Sparky:
Woof!

Spencer:
Stay boy.

[Sparky stops barking]

Spencer:
Good Sparky!

Carly:
Hey, what time is it? (Gibby can be seen sneaking up from behind with a stop sign)

Spencer:
(grabs his PearPhone) Looks like it is about... (Gibby smacks him with the sign and laughs)

Gibby:
APRIL FOOLS!

Spencer:
DUDE!

Sam:
Quit whacking Spencer in the head and go get me some fried chicken.

Carly:
Sam, how can you eat chickens? Don't you remember little Pouchy?

Sam:
Pouchy? Oh wait, yeah, I think I do remember him. From uh, from-

Carly:
The past?

Sam;:
Riigght, the past. He was one of those six little chicks we saved.

Freddie:
Oh I remember that day!

Sam:
Um hum.

[Everyone looks up for a flashback]

Spencer:
[turns to a woman with a harp in the kitchen] Play the harp.

[She plays the harp and Spencer looks up again with the others.

[flashback]

[Sam and Carly walk out of the elevator worried, but then start to hear the baby chick]

Sam and Carly:
Ahhh!

[They both run back into the elevator and find Pouchy]

Minko:
Ahhhh! You girls are so stupid! [pushes them forward and points to the elevator] There!!! There's Poachy!!! Right there!!! [both girls scream]

Carly:
Oh my gosh!

Sam:
Poachy!

Carly:
No way!

Sam:
We found him! [kisses the frame surrounding him]

Carly:
Why didn't you tell us he was in here?

Minko:
I DID tell you idiots! And nobody better hit me with a stop sign! [Gibby is creeping up on him, and then does just that]

Gibby:
[laughs] April Fools! Ha ha.

Carly:
Gibby!

Sam:
Dude, that's not how you do an April Fools joke!

Carly:
And anyway, you're not even supposed to be in this flashback! ...Great. Minko's unconscious. What do we do with him?

Sam:
I'll get the shovel.

Gibby:
I'll get the marshmallows.

Gibby:
Hey, is anyone hungry? Because I was thinking maybe we could make some spaghetti tacos, maybe a little corn-(Minko, who is sneaking up from behind, hits him with a stop sign)

Minko:
APRIL FOOLS TO YOU!!!!! iCarly will be back after these messages. (Sam knocks him out with the shock pen)

Carly:
You know, even though Spencer and I have to move out of this apartment tonight, forever, I'm still in a great mood.

Freddie:
Oh, when aren't you in a good mood?

Sam:
I know right [agreeing with Freddie]

Gibby:
Really?

Carly:
What?! Sometimes I get in bad moods.

Spencer:
No no no, wait wait wait wait wait. In all fairness, sometimes Carly does get in bad moods.

Freddie:
Like when?!

Spencer:
Uh, like when the time T-Bo made you those stuffed mushrooms.

[The rest apart from Carly agree with him and laugh]

Carly:
Oh c'mon, I wasn't that mad.

Sam:
You were pretty mad that day-

Carly:
-no [disagreeing with Sam]

[Everyone looks up for a flashback]

[flashback]

[Sam, Freddie, Spencer and Carly are all reading together]

Sam:
I just love reading together.

Spencer:
Me too.

Freddie:
We all do.

[T-Bo walks in]

T-Bo:
Hey hey Carly! I made you stuffed mushrooms.

[Carly stands up and slams her book shut]

Carly:
[yells] WHO CARES?! [throws book at T-Bo angrily]

[T-Bo falls to the against the door, Sam, Spencer and Freddie turn to Carly in shocked at the same time and Carly breathes in and out quickly and deeply in rage and anger. Scene cuts to the group in Tori Vega's living room]

Carly:
Okay. Okay, I was in kind of a bad mood that day.

Gibby (as Robbie):
Kind of?

Freddie:
You threw a book at T-Bo.

Spencer:
Yeah, and just because he made you some stuffed mushroo-[notices the area they are in] Hey. Uh, hey, wha-

Gibby:
(notices he is Robbie) Gibbeh?

Sam:
(hesitantly and shocked) When I make it shine...!

[the group all stares straight, then at each other, then straight again]

Spencer:
Okay, at what point did I have insanely long hair?

Carly:
It was around the time Freddie got hit by that taco truck.

Freddie:
And Carly and I kissed.

Sam:
And you and I were playing that assassin game.

Carly:
12 million viewers?

Spencer:
Carly! You gotta come back with me! [gives Carly her backpack]

Carly:
Back where?

Spencer:
To a future episode.

Carly:
But, I'm supposed to do iCarly stuff tonight with Sam and Freddie.

Spencer:
Well, bring them along, this concerns them too! [gives Freddie his camera and Sam her remote]

Sam:
Whoa, whoa, wait a second.

Carly:
What are you talking about?

Freddie:
What happens to us in the future, do we become hobknockers or something?

Spencer:
No no, you guys all turn out fine. It's your kids.

Carly:
What?!

Freddie:
Ninos?!

Sam:
What kids?!

Carly:
Whos kids?!

Spencer:
Um, yours [points to Carly] and his? [points to Freddie] Or his [points to Freddie] and hers, [points to Sam] or hers [points to Sam again] and his, [points to Freddie] I don't remember, but something's gotta be done about your kids!

Carly:
Well, how do we get to a future episode of iCarly?

[T-Bo flys out of Spencer's room in a bubble]

T-Bo:
Y'all can hitch a ride with me.

Spencer:
Hurry T-bo! Beam us onboard!

Freddie:
And smallify us.

T-Bo:
Energising. [beams the others onboard]

Spencer:
C'mon T-Bo let's go!

Carly:
Wait! In the future, is iCarly still on in reruns?

Spencer:
Reruns? Where we're going we don't need... [puts his costume glasses on] Reruns.

T-Bo:
Hang on! [starts moving his spaceship bubble]

[Everyone makes whirling noises, then they all scream and cheer as they fly through the screen into the future.]

Spencer:
[shouts down the corridor] Carly, c'mon!

[Carly walks round the corner with all the luggage, groaning. She drops the bags and leans against Freddie's front door, but the door opens and she falls in and screams. She gets up, still groaning and closes the door]

Spencer:
How you doing?

Carly:
[Throws a hat on the floor] I'm sick and dying! Urgh!

Spencer:
Maybe I should take you to a doctor.

Carly:
No. [Starts picking all the bags back up] no, just, open our door so I can... go in there and just be alone.

[Spencer opens the front door]

[Sam, Freddie, Gibby and T-Bo are all hanging out in their apartment]

Spencer:
Hey! Heyy!!

[They all say hi]

Carly:
[walks in to find Sam, Freddie, Gibby and T-Bo partying in the apartment] What is going on here?

Sam:
I'm cooking steaks.

Freddie:
Playing video games.

T-Bo:
I'm in a kiddie pool!

Gibby:
Gibbeh!!!

Spencer:
How long, have you guys been hanging out in OUR apartment?

Sam:
Uh, how long you guys been on vacation?

Spencer:
8 days.

Sam:
'bout 8 days.

Carly groans and falls to the floor

Freddie:
She ok?

Spencer:
No, she's like dying.

Sam:
Gib, help her up!

Gibby:
Kk.

Gibby helps Carly stand up

T-Bo:
Man, she looks sicky sick.

Spencer:
Yeah, she's got jungle worms.

Gibby:
[drops Carly] Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!! [runs out of the apartment]

Freddie:
What are jungle worms?

Sam:
They're like these scuzzy little parasites that set up camp in your guts.

Spencer helps Carly onto the couch while she continues groaning

Spencer:
How do you know about jungle worms?

Sam:
My mom got them from using some foreign guy's toothbrush.

Freddie:
So, what are the symptoms?

Spencer:
Uhh, dry mouth..

Carly:
I'm so thirsty.

Spencer:
..chills..

Carly:
Can someone cover me with a blanket?

Spencer:
..moaning..

Carly:
[moans]

Spencer:
..groaning..

Carly:
[groans]

Spencer:
..and a lot of, you know..

[Carly runs into the bathroom and throws up]

Spencer:
vomiting.

Sam:
Poor kid.

Spencer:
Yeah.

Freddie:
One of us should probably get in there and help her.

Sam:
Hey these steaks are ready.

[They all go over to Sam for some steak, leaving Carly in the bathroom alone]

Freddie:
Can he stand?

Louis:
Here, let's try.

[Louis, Zayn and Niall try helping Harry stand up but he groan and falls back onto the chair.]

Liam:
Wow. He's really sick.

Freddie:
What do you think's wrong with him?

Harry:
I feel cold. And thirsty. Can somebody hold me?

Louis, Zayn and Niall:
No.

Louis:
Here, have some more of this water.

[Louis picks Carly's bottle up from the floor and hands it to Harry. Carly steps forward and takes the bottle off Harry.]

Carly:
Harry, you drank from my water bottle?

Harry:
Yeah.

Carly:
Oh, my god. I gave Harry Styles jungle worms!

Gibby:
NOOO!

Freddie:
I know what might motivate Harry to get out of bed and back on stage.

Sam:
You think I should work him over with the butter sock?

Carly:
You know, I really, really, don't.

Zayn:
Did she say butter sock?

Liam:
Is that a sock...?

Louis:
...Full of butt-ah?

Freddie:
Do you guys want to hear my idea?

Carly:
Yes!

Niall:
Does it involve the butter sock...?

Freddie:
No! I just thought Harry might suddenly feel better if he thought he was going to be replaced in One Direction.

Sam:
Whoa wait replace Harry?

Freddie:
Not for real we just make him think he's going to be replaced.

Louis:
Who with?

Carly:
What have you done?

Carly:
Sam's your partner?

Gibby:
She makes a rocking hot meat sandwich.

Sam:
The secret is hot meat.

Gibby:
I have opened, Giibbbbaaayyy's!

(Carly, Freddie, and Spencer are hiding from Spencer's alarm robot)

Carly:
We've got to get back to school!

Freddie:
We have a history test!

Carly:
Can't you turn your stupid alarm bot off?

Spencer:
I am trying to disarm it!

Alarm Bot:
(Spencer pushes a button on his remote) Armed. (He pushes it again) Armed. (He pushes it again) Armed.

Spencer:
Gah, I can't turn it off! Maybe we can-

(the doorbell rings)

Freddie:
Wait! That was just the doorbell, right?

Carly:
Or does that mean your stupid killing machine's about to explode?

Spencer:
It was just the doorbell.

Mrs. Benson:
(from the other side of the door) Hello? What's happening in there?

Freddie:
It's my mom! If she opens the door, she's gonna get blasted!

Spencer:
(yelling) Mrs. Benson, don't open the door! I'm not wearing pants!

Mrs. Benson:
Oh, my gosh!

Alarm Bot:
Scanning pants...

Carly:
Wait!

Freddie:
What?

Carly:
If your mom opens the door then that crazy killing machine's gonna focus on her, and then Spencer can run over and unplug it!

Spencer:
Oh, that's good!

Freddie:
No! I don't want my mom to get blasted in the face and torso with popcorn kernels!

Carly:
Oh, why not?

Spencer:
She's so irritating! It'll just be for a second 'til I unplug it.

Freddie:
(sighs) Alright, fine! Do it!

Spencer:
(yelling) Okay, Mrs. Benson, I found my pants! C'mon in!

(Mrs. Benson opens the door and walks into the apartment)

Mrs. Benson:
What is going on in here?

Alarm Bot:
(focuses on Mrs. Benson) Tracking intruder.

Mrs. Benson:
I do not appreciate all of the noise that's been coming from... AAH!

(the Alarm Bot starts shooting Mrs. Benson with popcorn kernels. She is backed up against her door in the hallway)

Freddie:
(to Spencer) GO!

Carly:
Go unplug it!

Spencer:
Yeah, I'll go!

(Spencer runs over to the outlet where the Alarm Bot is plugged in to. He starts pulling at the plug, but it doesn't come out. Mrs. Benson shouts as the Alarm Bot continues to pelt her with popcorn kernels)

Freddie:
Hurry up!

Carly:
Unplug it!

Spencer:
I AM TRYING! (Spencer pulls the outlit out of the wall, still not unplugging the Alarm Bot) Oh, my gosh!

Freddie:
Dude!

Carly:
What?!

(Spencer still struggles with unplugging the Alarm Bot. Mrs. Benson keeps shouting as the Alarm Bot countinues to pelt her)

Freddie:
Get it out!

Mrs. Benson:
What's happening?! What am I being pelted with?!

(the Alarm Bot is beginning to run out of popcorn kernels. Spencer is still trying to unplug it)

Freddie:
What are you doing?

Carly:
Come on!

(the Alarm Bot fires at Mrs. Benson a few more times before finally running out of popcorn kernels and stopping)

Alarm Bot:
Empty.

Spencer:
(finally pulls the plug out of the outlet) GOT IT! (raises his arms victoriously in the air) YEAH!

Sam:
[In a deep voice] Luke, I am your father.

Carly:
[In a deep voice] Don't play around!

Sam:
[In a deep voice] Why you so UPTIGHT?

[A little boy looks at Sam weirdly after hearing her deep voice]

Sam:
[In a deep voice] Don't be afraid... I just wanna eat you!

[The little boy screams and runs away]

[Gibby takes off the purple robot head from Freddie]

Freddie:
This is the WORST party ever.

Spencer:
[feeling ashamed] Dude, I am so sorry. I didn't know you--

Freddie:
[yells at Spencer] TWENTY TIMES?! You had to slam me twenty times?!

Spencer:
[gives Freddie a pink stuffed unicorn] Here.

[Freddie hits Spencer with pink stuffed unicorn in anger for dropping him the Jerk Basket]

Carly:
Why?!

Nevel:
'Cause! You iCarlys were supposed to help me regain my popularity after the bread and butter pickle incident with that little girl, and you failed!

Sam:
No, we didn't fail!

Carly:
We did help you!

Sam:
It's not our fault that afterwards and you went screamed at some dude in a wheelchair!

Nevel:
He rolled over my foot and scratched my loafers!

Sam:
Well, who gives a rat's--

Carly:
[interrupting Sam] Sam.

Sam:
What?! Don't you think--

Carly:
Stop! Stop. [sighs] He's right.

Sam:
What?!

Spencer:
Carly?

Freddie:
Are you kidding me?!

Carly:
NO! After that video went viral of Nevel screaming at that man in a wheelchair... we should've done something to help him.

Sam:
Why should've we helped him?

Carly:
It's our fault!

Carly:
So, I was thinking to close the show, instead of random dancing...

Sam:
Yeah.

Carly:
...we can try random scratching, and then maybe Freddie could-

Spencer:
Hey! Ohhh, done! Whoo! [Sam and Carly just look at Spencer without saying anything] I say, it's done! Woooooo! [Sam and Carly still don't say anything] C'mon, ask me about it!

Sam:
We can see, you made a snowman!

Spencer:
Uhhh, it's a snowwoman, duh. Can't you see her snowbahoobies? That's how you know that it's a- [a snowboob falls off] Dang it! Ah, I can fix that, wait. Urgh!

[Elevator opens and Gibby comes out of it]

Gibby:
Hey hey, guess what. I started using deodorant. [Everyone looks at him oddly] But I can't decide which scent I like best, so under my right arm I used Ocean Breeze... [Sam quickly gets out of her chair away from Gibby] ...and under my left I used Summer Swagger. Carly, c'mon. Which one smells best?..

Carly:
Gibby, no no, Gibby no... [tries to get Gibby to stop him from making her smell his underarms]

[Gibby forces Carly's head under his underarm]

Gibby:
Alright, that's the Ocean Breeze.

[Carly keeps trying to escape]

Sam:
I'd stop this if it wasn't hilarious.

[Carly is finally free]

Gibby:
Now smell the left, let's go. [Carly is forced under his other pit and keeps trying to escape again] Okay, that's the Summer Swagger. Breathe it in deep. [Carly's free again] So which one you like best?

Carly:
Probably the Ocean Breeze.

Gibby:
I knew it! Hey, is that a snowlady?

Spencer:
Straight up!

Gibby:
I think one of her bahoobies might've--

Spencer:
Yeah, I know about it!

Gibby:
Okay.

Freddie:
Hello, good people, and Sam!

Spencer:
Hey.

Sam:
What up with the fruit bowl, fruit bowl?

Freddie:
I just thought you guys might like some pears, Pear for you, [to Carly] pear for you, [to Spencer] pear for you. [to Gibby]

Gibby:
I'm wearing deodorant.

Carly:
So, why the pears?

Freddie:
'Cause this Freddie just got himself a job working at the Pear Store.

Carly:
Cool!

Spencer:
You're selling computers?

Freddie:
Yep! Ipears, Pear Phones, Pear Pads, Pear-port Extremes, and all other Pear related products and accessories.

Gibby:
I love products and accessories.

Sam:
Do we get a discount?

Freddie:
I do. You do not.

Sam:
Hey, Gib... Why don't you see which deodorant Freddie likes best?

Gibby:
Ooh, Yeah!

Freddie:
What do you mean which deodorant I like best? [Gibby grabs him] Oh! Gibby.

Gibby:
Oh, all right, Okay.

Freddie:
Gibby.

Gibby:
Just breathe in... Come on breathe, Gibby.

Spencer:
There! I fixed her. And check this out. Her nose lights up. [His sculpture sets on fire] No!

Carly:
Ah!

Spencer:
(Screaming) What?! [Smoke alarm beeps] Aw!

Carly:
I'll call the Fire Department.

Sam:
I'll disable the smoke alarm.

Spencer:
Aw!

Spencer:
Uh, Chief Donker...

Chief Donker:
Don't talk to me!

Spencer:
I tried so hard to put the fire out myself, but it just kept getting bigger and bigger and... [Chief Donker pushes him down] What are you doing? Why are you... You're pushing me... I... Oh... What is he... Ah! I see it. Okay.

Carly:
Chief Donker, we really appreciate you coming here. Again.

Chief Donker:
Thanks. You're a nice girl. I'll miss you.

Carly:
Yeah, well-wait. What do you mean you'll miss me?

Chief Donker:
I mean, the Fire Department is done with you people.

Spencer:
(tries to get up) Done? I don't understan-

Chief Donker:
GET BACK DOWN! (he does)

Spencer:
Ah!

Carly:
Um, can you explain...

Chief Donker:
Do you know how many times your brother has accidentally started fires?

Carly:
I don't know. Many.

Fireman:
18!

Spencer:
17!

Chief Donker:
What about this one?!

Spencer:
Oh, yeah, 18, if you count this one.

Chief Donker:
Come on everybody, we're done here.

Carly:
But--

Chief Donker:
Forever.

Carly:
But you're the Fire Department, You can't not come here if we have a fire!

Chief Donker:
You watch us not come here.

Carly:
No, but... Would you... No just please, what... I'm an honor student! [Cheif Donker slams the door. Carly gets upset at Spencer when he tries to get up again] Get back down!

Spencer:
Aw!

Carly:
Can you help me? No one else is available.

Trey:
Sure.

Carly:
Awesome.

Carly:
So. [Lightly turns his head towards her] Sooo. [Trying to be flirty]

Trey:
Yeah?

Carly:
What'cha doing tomorrow night?

Trey:
There's a Doctor Who marathon on TV.

Carly:
And?

Trey:
I'm gonna watch it?

Carly:
Oh. Well, I wouldn't mind watching a little Doctor Foo.

Trey:
Who.

Carly:
Me.

Trey:
No, Doctor Who.

Carly:
I dunno, you brought it up.

Trey:
I'm confused.

Carly:
Well, maybe that's cuz you don't have a girlfriend. [Does weird hand movements]

Carly:
[Goes up to Freddie] Dude, hey.

Freddie:
What's up?

Carly:
I have been talking to that nerdy, cute salesboy for 20 minutes and he has no clue that I am flirting with him; and I've been flirting my butt off.

Freddie:
What do you want me to do about it?

Carly:
You're a nerd, give me advice.

Freddie:
I will not help you flirt with some- [notices Sam in her new uniform] Ahh. [Shocked] What is?!-

Sam:
Momma got a job.

[Freddie looks at her in shock]

Carly:
So, see anything wrong with it?

Trey:
I'm not sure yet.

Carly:
Kay, well keep checking. I really need that laptop fixed. Specially since I have no boyfriend. And nothing to do tomorrow night. [puts on lip gloss]

Trey:
Hey.

Carly:
Yeah?!

Trey:
Did you get the extended warranty?

Carly:
I don't know!

Carly:
Okay, listen.

Trey:
What's up?

Carly:
I think you're cute and you're obviously smart and you seem harmless, so I'd like to hang out with you, unless you think I'm disgusting or something.

Trey:
Oh no, I didn't realize. I'm just really shy with girls.

Carly:
Maybe we can fix that, aye? Aye?

Trey:
Huh?

Carly:
Just come over to my place tomorrow night. We'll watch your Doctor Foo show or Battle Star Ceneticat, whatever you want.

Trey:
Okay.

Carly:
Thank you.

Freddie:
Sam's my boss now?!

Natalie:
Yep.

Sam:
Back to work, Fredbag.

Freddie:
No. This is wrong! I am a computer expert! I know SO MUCH!

Sam:
We sorta dated for a while.

Freddie:
She? She is LAZY, and a CRIMINAL, and a nuisance, and she has TERRIBLE table manners!

Sam:
He's still in love with me. It's kinda sad.

Freddie:
And if you think that she is a good employee who deserves to be MY BOSS, then YOU my friend are a TERRIBLE MANAGER and you don't deserve to have me work here!

Natalie:
Okay, you're fired.

Freddie:
But- how-- Fine. I'll leave. But I am keeping this Pear store shirt.

Natalie:
Kevin, get the shirt.

Freddie:
Kevin, come on, you're my friend.... Kevin! Kevin, I shared my sandwich with you one time! Kevin! ...This isn't over!

Natalie:
Why? What's left?

Freddie:
...Nothing, it's over. [walks off]

Sam:
[runs after him] Dude! ...Don't you think you were a little rough on him?

Natalie:
...Nah, who cares.

Sam:
Yeah. ...I'll be right back.

Natalie:
I'll never see you again, will I?

Sam:
Nope.

Carly:
[looking at her PearPhone and pacing around] Uh, Freddie said he was almost done three hours ago. Why isn't he back with the... [looks at Sam filling butter in her buttersock] What is that?

Sam:
I'm changing the butter in my butter sock.

Carly:
Oh. [points to the plate on the counter] What's this green stuff?

Sam:
The old butter.

Carly:
[looking disgusted] Awhh! Why can't you take that outside... or?

Sam shrugs]

Jimmy Fallon:
Thank you, Internet for giving us iCarly.

Gibby:
How many times do you want me to say I'm sorry?

Carly:
500,000!

Gibby:
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

Freddie:
Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, STOP IT!!

Sam:
[to Carly] Freddie and Gibby are in a band.

Carly:
Oh my God.

Carly:
[to T-Bo] You're T-banned!

Gibby:
I used to know a guy named Darnell.

Freddie:
And?

Gibby:
You know, not every story has to be interesting.

Gibby:
You throw like a girl!

Stranger:
I am a girl!

Gibby:
Oh... and a very pretty one too.

Sam:
Mama don't like saying chiz twice.

Carly:
Sam's mom's in jail in Vegas and we gotta get her out.

Freddie:
[as he helps Gibby walk over to the Shays' couch] How much is gonna cost to bail her out?

Sam:
2500.

Freddie:
Dollars?

Sam:
Uh huh.

Freddie:
Ooh, girl.

Chumlee:
[to Gibby] Dude, is there something wrong with your brain?

Gibby:
Yeah. Yours?

Chumlee:
Yeah.

Sam [about her missing laptop] It was a Bat Mitzvah gift from my grandmother.

Freddie:
You're not even Jewish.

Sam:
[grabs Freddie by the collar & pulls his face up to hers] You tell my grandma that and I'll break you.

Freddie:
[nervously] Shalom!

Carly:
[to Sam as she destroys Carly's apartment looking for her laptop] I know you wanna find your laptop, but you're kinda destroying my house.

[the gang are about to start the last iCarly show]

Freddie:
In 5, 4, 3, 2...

Carly:
I'm Carly!

Sam:
I'm Sam! And this is a very special...

Freddie:
And I'm Freddie. Yeah, that's right. I interrupted and introduced myself. What are they gonna do, fire me?

Carly:
I'm leaving in a few minutes.

Freddie:
Yeah, I know. Better not be late, or your dad's gonna be wazzed off.

Carly:
You know, you don't have to take all your tech stuff home tonight.

Freddie:
Yeah, but I figured I might as well get a head start. Tomorrow, I promised Gibby I'd help him do some research on the proper care and feeding of weasels, so... I figured the sooner I get this equipment out of here, the sooner I can take it down to...

[Carly takes his hand and he stops talking. Then she leans in and kisses him. They have an awkward moment afterwards]

Carly:
So, I'll get my bags and take them downstairs.

Freddie:
Why don't I help you with those bags?

Carly:
Yeah, that'd be nice.

[when Carly turns around, Freddie throws his hands victoriously up in the air, knowing he finally succeeded in getting Carly to kiss him]

[Gibby starts crying.]

Carly:
Aw, Gibby. Come on. Don't cry. One more for the road?

Gibby:
[Crying] Gibbeh!

[Carly and Gibby hug.]

[Last lines of the series]

Carly:
I'm Carly.

Sam:
I'm Sam.

Carly:
And this has been...

Carly and Sam:
iCarly.

[Carly closes her laptop. Sam drives away.]

Freddie:
[voiceover] And... we're clear.

Note:
This episode was an hour long.