Jersey Shore, Season 1

Pauly D:
I was born and raised a guido. It's just a lifestyle; it's being Italian, it's representing, family, friends, tanning, gel, everything.

Angelina:
How do you go in a f***ing jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini, that's a little bit more classier if you're gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean?

Ronnie:
You just take your shirt off and they come to you, it's like a fly comes to shit.

Snooki:
I'm going to Jersey Shore, bitch!

Sammi:
A guidette is somebody who knows how to club it up, takes really good care of themselves, has pretty hair, cakes on makeup, has tanned skin, wears the hottest heels, pretty much they know how to own it and rock it.

Mike "The Situation":
You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off.

Mike "The Situation":
I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook.

Mike "The Situation":
With me and Sam, it's not a matter of if she wants to hook up with me, it's a matter of just when I decide.

Mike "The Situation":
Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.

Ronnie:
The Ron-Ron Juice is the shit that gets the night going, I mean whenever that shit comes out it's always a filthy night.

Angelina:
I feel like this job is beneath me, I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things.

Snooki:
I had a feeling where I wanted to make out with somebody, so, umm, I just made out with Ryder, because all the guys like that.

Snooki:
Mike can be a nice guy, like, he shows his good side then he shows his jerk off side. That's what I like: a good guy and a jerk off, it's all in the same.

Pauly D:
[about J-Woww] She just doesn't want to feel like a trashbag because she has a boyfriend and she kissed me with her tongue.

Vinny:
Saturday night, I'm going to Headliners. I'm looking to have more of a classy night tonight.

Mike "The Situation":
Angelina was like a half-ass firecracker. It just fizzled out real quick and made a loud noise.

Pauly D:
When I go into the club I have a game plan, I don't wanna waste my time and take home a girl that just wants to hang out, I just wanna get to the business…so. You light it up and then you move on and at the end of the night, you see who you end up with.

Sammi:
[about Snooki] This little shrimp thing is like bopping all around, on the circle and like doing her thing, doing backwards flips with her thong hanging out; her whole crotch is in the air.

Ronnie:
Mike would bang a Gatorade bottle if it had a pulse at this point. Seriously, he would.

Sammi:
Yes, I had sex, like hello, you're gonna have sex if you're into somebody. It's natural.

Ronnie:
[what he would do if he was J-Woww's boyfriend] I would give her dick in bubblegum. I would send her a picture of my dick in a pack of bubblegum and say "chew on this."

Ronnie:
J-Woww's pussy must be rainbows and pots of treasure.

Vinny:
They're pretty cool, ya know, there are some girls that are just gonna come here, strip off their clothes, and jump in the jacuzzi. Then there are some girls that are respectful, that you have to just actually treat like girls, human beings.

Pauly D:
They're cool girls. They're smart and everything, but they want to hook up just as well, but I think it will take a couple of times seeing them to hook up. They're not, like, whores.

Sammi:
I definitely want to look good for Ronnie's parents, because it's the first time they're meeting me. Like, I want them to think like, wow, that's her, she's really pretty, and whatever.

Pauly D:
It's so hard to find a good man these days. That's why I date women.

Mike "The Situation":
I felt bad about Snickers getting hit by a couple linebackers. I necessarily didn't want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures what-so-ever. I mean, these broads just probably smelled the food at the house.

Pauly D:
Through the scuffle, Snooks gets hit in the face again. Poor girl...she needs to take some karate classes or somethin'. She needs self defense. Somebody's got to teach her how to fight or duck.

Snooki:
I hate guys. I'm turning lesbian, I swear.

Mike "The Situation":
G.T.L. baby. Gym, Tanning, Laundry.

Mike "The Situation":
When there was knockin' on the door, I was like, this is either the police for me, this is either some lawyer, somebody's dad, somebody's brother...

Vinny:
[to Mike] How do I taste, bro? How does my dick taste, bro? Congratulations on my sloppy seconds.

Snooki:
Can I have a roll please?

Mike "The Situation":
Don't worry, you got a couple.

Mike "The Situation":
I like my clothes like my women...options.

Pauly D:
You like your girls like your underwear...dirty.

Snooki:
You look at me you think I'm like a stuck-up bitch, but yet, like, veterinarian, like that's my soul, like I f***in' like, save animals, like that's what I do.

Snooki:
My boobs are so tight I can't breathe, is that normal?

Vinny:
[about Pauly D's stalker] Yo, Pauly D has a little situation on his hands...she's definitely a stage 5 clinger.

Vinny:
Snooki's outfit is crazy, she looks like a birthday cake, she's all decorated, dressed up, with the pink, boobs all out up in her face. I guess she wants to go out with a big bang, literally.

Mike "The Situation":
It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on me. It goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.

Snooki:
I'm not trashy, unless I drink too much.

Mike "The Situation":
I knew she was 18, that ass does not look 12.

J-Woww:
It's juice-head central right now, I'm in heaven.

Ronnie:
I regret that I got caught. I don't regret that I hit the kid, because he had it coming.

Mike "The Situation":
[to Snooki] If a guy doesn't like you, it's called f*** you, and there's so many people out there in the world that's gonna like you for you.

J-Woww:
Tall, completely jacked, steroids, like, multiple growth hormones...that's the type I'm attracted to.