Kim Possible, Season 2

Kim:
Ron, I'm gonna say something to you I've never said before.

Ron:
What?

Kim:
You're thinking too much!

Shego [watching Junior run the obstacle course] Pretty good time... for a wounded tortoise.

Senior:
Hey Junior, I thought we could work on our evil laughs together?

Junior:
Father, can you not see I am a wounded porpoise?

Shego:
Yeah, I said "tortoise." With a "t." Tuh. Tuh. Tortoise!

Junior:
See, Father, how mixed up you make me!

Ron:
You know, for someone who can disarm a doomsday device, you seem to have major mixer issues.

Kim:
Ron, this machine hates me!

Kim:
(trying to use the electric mixer) I feel ridiculous!

Ron:
That, Kim... is why you fail.

Kim:
Too bad about your restaurant.

Ron:
Well, when the health inspector saw a live rodent, you know, serving the food... the die was cast.

Rufus:
Sorry.

Kim:
No, no, seriously, you need Ron?

Dr. Director:
Status report?

Scientist:
Project analysis is complete. The Ron Factor is a non-factor.

Dr. Director:
Well, there's a whole bunch of research dollars down the drain.

Scientist:
Not exactly. The data revealed a powerful untapped force. We call it the Rufus Factor.

Rufus:
Hi-yah!

Shego:
For somebody who is supposedly a mad genius I'm not seeing much of the genius.

Drakken:
Keep it up Shego and you'll see plenty of the mad.

Ron:
Is using a calculator in algebra cheating?

Kim:
I don't use a calculator.

Ron:
Okay. Well, is cutting and pasting stuff from the internet and calling it a term paper cheating?

Kim:
You are kidding, right?

Ron:
What?

Kim:
I can pass this thing on my own. I know I can.

Mr. Barkin:
Now, let's see a K-turn.

Talking SUV:
Honey, I'll give you the whole alphabet.

Kim:
Is is cheating if I cheated but didn't mean to cheat?

Drakken:
You think your car's all that, but it's not!

Kim:
There he is... that's Falsetto Jones.

Ron:
Why do you think he's called "Falsetto"?

Falsetto:
(high-pitched) Welcome, humans and canines alike, to my annual dog show!

Kim:
Freak helium accident.

Ron:
Ouch.

Kim:
Rufus, jump down to me.

Rufus:
Uh-uh.

Kim:
Rufus, jump now!

Rufus:
Uh-uh, no way.

Kim:
(singing) Rock-a-bye Rufus in the treetop/ When the wind blows the cradle will rock/ When the bough breaks the cradle will fall/ And down will come Rufus, cradle and all.

Drakken:
What am I supposed to do with an army of retired people...? Ooh, lemon squares!

Ron:
Wade! How did you find me? Do you have me microchipped or something?

Wade:
Uh... that's not important now...

Drakken:
That's right - your Nana is one bad grand-mother...

Kim:
You shut your mouth!

Drakken:
I'm only talkin' 'bout Nana!

Kim:
It runs in the family.

Drakken:
Nana Possible! You think your lemon squares are all that, but they're not!

[Kim and Nana raise their fists to strike]

Drakken:
Not in the face!

[Kim and Nana exchange a look before kicking Drakken in the crotch instead]

Zita:
A knave can't do that.

Ron:
I'm no ordinary knave.

Ron:
Looks like the Wraithmaster's captured all the players.

Zita:
Come on! We've got to help them!

Ron:
Are all girls like this, or just the ones I know?!

Ron:
I'm here to spread sunshine.

Timothy North:
Spread it on someone who cares.

Ron:
C'mon Mr. North I won't get school credit if I don't lift your spirit with my youthful zest.

Timothy North:
The Fearless Ferret never plays second fiddle!

Ron:
Well, see, t-that's perfect! I'm ready to step up!

Timothy North:
You, a fierce fighter of fiendish foes?

Ron:
For sure!

Ron:
Oh, sure, he has looks, attitude, and a bon-diggity ride, but can he do this?

[Stuffs an entire can of chips into his mouth]

Kim:
...Why would he want to?

Master Sensei:
Do as your heart tells you.

Ron:
Can you hear it too?

Ron:
Fuji! Why is it always monkeys?! Why can't I ever be attacked by crazed super models?!

Monkey Fist:
Let's just bring it, shall we?

Ron:
It is my honor to defeat you!

General Simms:
That's it. I'm activating the base's self-destruct sequence. The secrets contained in Area 51 must never be exposed.

Ron:
What secrets? Everybody knows already!

Kim:
Sir, we still have one last line of defense.

General:
And what would that be?

Kim:
Me.

Simms:
You've got ten minutes.

Shego:
Now what did we agree on?

Drakken:
If I wanted a dog I had to promise to take care of him. Which I will. Later!

Ron:
That would be the coolest shot ever... if it weren't for the 2000 ton poodle that has been unleashed into an unsuspecting world.

Kim:
I know that this is going to sound weird, but you've got to let us in. There's this monster poodle....

Soldier:
Name?

Kim:
Commodore Puddles

Soldier:
Your name?

Kim:
Oh, uh Kim Possible.

Ron:
What's the real deal, what are you hiding here?

Simms:
I'll show you.

Kim:
It's flying saucers.

Ron:
Alien technology.

Simms:
Yada, yada.

Kim:
But that means all the rumors are true!

Simms:
Every last one of them. We've implemented a double-negative cover story. We make sure only to leak out information that is one-hundred percent accurate.

Ron:
But then it's not really secret.

Simms:
That's exactly what we want you to believe.

Ron:
Yeah, but then... never mind.

Ron:
That's it! The absolutely perfect gift for Kim! Christmas with her family!

Wade:
Then who will stop Drakken?

Ron:
Me!

Wade & Rufus:
Uh oh...

Drakken:
She'll be busy with her twinkle lights, and mistletoe, and carols... [SNIFF!] and roast beast! And FLIM FLANGLERS!! AND ZOOB ZOOBLERS, AND...!!

Shego:
Whoa whoa, Dr. D!

Drakken:
WHAT?!

Shego:
You stopped using words.

Drakken:
Soon, I, Dr. Drakken, will rule the Yule! The world will have a blue Christmas...! (sighs) It's just not the same when I rant to myself.

[Drakken and Ron are fighting over the control panel of Drakken's ship, hitting buttons at random]

Computer:
Initiating emergency system test... launching escape pods... initiating self-destruct... initiating bedtime sequence.

[A compartment opens, revealing a toothbruth in a glass, and a teddy bear sitting on a folded set of pajamas.]

Ron:
Wait a second! What was that?

Drakken:
(shields the bedroom set) I don't know what you're talking about.

Ron:
Before the teddy bear!

Computer:
Self-destruct in twenty...

Drakken:
Gah! What did you do?! This is my chance to rule the world! All I want is what's coming to me! All I want is my fair share!

Ron:
SELF-DESTRUCT! SELF-DESTRUCT!

Drakken:
Chill out! I have escape pods!

Ron:
HAD escape pods, blue boy! We launched them!

[Drakken and Ron are stranded at the North Pole]

Ron:
My fault?! It's not my fault!

Drakken:
This is so your fault!

Ron:
What, I'm supposed to let you take over the world?

Drakken:
In the spirit of the season, yes!

Drakken:
Ah, it went to voice mail! Um, hello, Shego, Dr. Drakken. I hope you're having a nice vacation. Uh, when you get the chance, could you get up here to the North Pole and save me?! Please! It's cold and windy and dark, and we've got nothing to...!

[Shego is surprised to hear that Drakken has comped her vacation.]

Shego:
[reads note] "Shego, just my way of saying thanks for a super year, and Merry Christmas. Yours in evil, Dr. Drakken." Aw, that is so nice! Guess I should have taken his call.

[Drakken and Ron are fighting over the last chicken leg.]

Drakken:
[crying] Name your price, Stoppable! Power? Glory? When I take over the world, you can have a continent! Any continent...! Not Europe.

Mrs. Possible:
Kimmy! Where's Ron?

Kim:
[crying] I... I don't know.

[Drakken, Shego, Ron, and the Possible Family around a fire in an igloo at the north pole]

Drakken:
This truce only lasts through the new year. After that, I'm gonna open up a big bag of freak on all of you!

Ron:
Hello, information? What's the number for 911?

Kim:
Thanks for the lift, Mr. Nakasumi.

Nakasumi:
(whispers)

Ms. Yori:
Nakasumi-san says, it is the least he can do, after you saved his video game factory in time for Christmas rush.

Kim:
No big. I just hope I can save this Christmas.

Ron:
What's the big deal with letting Bonnie be in charge of the dance?

Kim:
Letting her chair the dance? She wouldn't settle for chair - she'd want throne.

Ron:
We're coming KP [running to the built bee hive]

Kim:
Ron. [realizes she's moving too fast for Ron to see her] You can't even see me. [continues fighting the Bebes]

Ron:
Kim? Are you here?

Bonnie:
They let you out of the dumb factory?

Ron:
Bonnie? You're their queen?

Bonnie:
This is so totally Kim's fault. Where is she?

Ron:
She's moving at hyperspeed, just like the Bebes.

Bonnie:
Uh?! Why does SHE get to be invisible? Is she gonna lord that over me, too?

Ron:
Not invisible, moving too fast to see! She's got new shoes.

Bonnie:
Whatever.

Kim:
If I could just learn to cover more ground faster...

Ron:
Or you could just learn to say no.

Kim:
I'm not programmed that way, Ron!

Ron:
You know, you should cut down on the extra-currics.

Kim:
And be a lazy, uninvolved sloth like you?

Ron:
Hey! Don't knock the sloth! Do you know they don't have go to the bathroom for a week?

Kim:
Er, any more fun sloth facts?

Ron:
No, no, I think that's it... Oh! They sleep upside down!

Kim:
Only missed the dance by a thousand miles that time!

Rufus:
Oh man!

Kim:
Okay this time even slower.

Kim:
I'm sure the shoes will come off... eventually. Wanna dance?

Drakken:
First, you'll be sealed in a reinforced titanium box. Next, you will be dropped into this bottomless chasm. Then, the chasm will be filled with water. Then, man-eating sharks and a giant squid will then be released into the water!

Shego:
Wait, if the chasm is bottomless, how can you fill it with water?

[pause]

Drakken:
IT'S VERY, VERY DEEP, ALL RIGHT?! (inhales) Lastly, I shall freeze over the water with a six-foot layer of solid GLACIAL ICE! (inhales) ANY QUESTIONS?

Shego:
Not if you're gonna get all snippy.

Bonnie:
You know Kim I have some cover up that'll help conceal those monstrous bags under your eyes.

Kim:
Wouldn't have bags under my eyes if it weren't for your ferociously loud snoring.

Bonnie:
[Gasps] Me? Snore? Must have been the crickets.

Kim:
Only if you inhaled them.

Bonnie:
Stoppable, get back here and save us! Or, more specifically, me!

Aviarius:
Heat-seeking hummingbirds, attack!

Kim:
Hummingbirds?

Aviarius:
Release... the Flamingo of Doom!

Shego:
Say what?

Ron:
That is the second-biggest flamingo I have ever seen.

Hego:
The more we fought evil, the more Shego liked it.

Ron:
The fighting?

Kim:
The evil.

Ron:
[referring to Shego] Has she always been this cranky?

Hego/Mego:
Oh, yeah.

Hego:
[to Shego] You may be a smart-mouth, prone to excessive violence, but deep down, you are still a member of Team Go: a hero.

Ron:
The mad dog cannot be caged, leashed-

Kim:
Or housebroken.

Ron:
That game was in triple overtime, I couldn't leave the court! I got a little excited, and, well, accidents happen.

[Ron stops eating what he thought were snack treats.]

Ron:
OH, GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLIES! WHAT IS IN MY MOUTH?

Professor Acari:
Toasted chili peppers...

Ron:
Oh, phew!

Professor Acari:
And mountain grasshoppers! Delicious, aren't they?

Kim:
Ron, maybe you should look before you eat.

Ron:
Crunchy and spicy has never betrayed me like this before!

Barkin:
Let's move it, people, time for student photos! Stoppable, none of your punk hand gestures this time.

Ron:
What? It was a thumbs-up!

Barkin:
Sit on your hands just in case.

Wade:
Activating parachute measures now! ...Oops!

Ron:
Wade! We're free-falling off a cliff! This is no time for "oops"!

Wade:
My bad! I never got around to actually installing the chute, it's sitting here in my closet!

Drakken:
I'm serious, Shego - Kim Possible has foiled my plans for the last time!

Shego:
Yeah, the last time today, maybe.

Shego:
Huh, he's kinda cute. I approve.

Drakken:
What are you, her sister all of a sudden?

Amy:
You are the biggest meanie in the world!

Drakken :
Aha, you have heard of me.

Drakken:
Now Shego, who got game?

Shego:
[sighs] You got game.

Drakken:
 Straight up [falls down stairs]

Drakken:
I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it!

Ron:
Shego! Wow, you look green. I mean, greener.

[Ron and Kim both have colds.]

Ron:
I so don't get this soap opera!

Kim:
What's not to get? Felicia's arch-enemy created a machine that swapped her brain with Brock's.

[Drakken and Killigan are both in bed with colds.]

Duff Killigan:
Aye, can you believe Felician and Brock switched brains?

Drakken:
I know! So does that mean the wedding's off?

Kim:
The sky is - blue! My name is - Possible! Pro wrestling is - fake! Nooooo!

Shego:
I'm going to whip you on technical merit and artistic impression!

Kim:
Bring.

Shego:
(mockingly to Drakken after Kim busts their hideout) "We'll build a frozen fortress, she'll never find us there!"

Wong:
(to Drakken) You make no sense to me.

Shego:
(sardonically) Welcome to my life.

Ron:
My worst nightmare is the one where I'm at school, with only my underwear on.

Kim:
Ron, you've actually done that.

Mama Lipsky:
[seeing Drakken's lair] Is this all for your radio show?

Shego:
Radio show?

Drakken:
Yes... for my... radio show. Uh, I've got to get back to my callers.

[He presses a button and his henchman listen]

Drakken:
Hello, listener. My advice to you is, you should... get in touch with your feminine side, yes.

[Henchman look confused]

Drakken:
[to Shego] Mother doesn't know I'm a supervillain. She thinks I'm a radio talk show doctor.

[Drakken shows his plans to steal the plasma with a model of the cargo train and describes them to Shego. At the end he snatches the train off its tracks and turns to see his mother.]

Mama Lipsky:
Aren't you a little old to be playing with your Peter Puffer Puff toys?

Shego:
She's got a point, Choo Choo Boy.

Mama Lipsky:
Don't you think it's time you settled down... [points to Shego] and met a nice girl?

Shego:
(caught off guard) Oh, um... ICK!!!

[after helping her mother perform brain surgery]

Mrs. Possible:
You were a big help in there Kimmie, and you didn't faint once.

Kim:
Oh, well, I was too busy throwing up.

Kim:
[seeing her mother dressed in the same style of mission outfit as Kim] Mom, this is a mission. I need Ron.

Mrs. Possible:
Well, now you don't have Ron. You have Mom.

[Showing the henchmen his plan, Drakken smashes the pickle with his hand]

Mama Lipsky:
Drewby, what did I tell you about playing with your food?

Drakken:
[embarassed] My food is not a toy. It's for my tummy to enjoy. [Henchmen giggle]

[In the woods as the train with the synthoplasma draws near.]

Mama Lipsky:
[points to the sonic disruptor] What's that?

Drakken:
It's for man-in-the-street interviews.

Shego:
And where is the street?

Drakken:
Zip a lip, Shego.

Drakken:
[about Kim] It's a complicated relationship.

Mama Lipsky:
She must be a special girl. [to Shego] Looks like you missed your chance with my boy, honey.

Shego:
[sarcastically] Yes, how will I ever live with myself?

Dr. Drakken:
So, Kim Possible and her, eh... sister?

Mrs. Possible:
Is he hitting on me?

Kim:
Nah, sidekicks really confuse him.

[On a speeding train.]

Shego:
Peter Puffer-Puff's approaching the giant gorge...

Drakken:
You're loving this, aren't you?

Mrs. Possible:
What would Ron do now?

Kim:
Probably cry... or run.

Motor Ed:
Let's do it to it!

Kim:
Felix, you go stand watch.

Felix Renton:
You mean, "sit" watch.

[Kim claps a hand to her mouth, mortified...]

Felix:
Kim? I'm just playing you.

Kim:
Where is Ron?

Motor Ed:
Your skinny dude? Yeah, he's here. He's fine. But that can change... in a hurry. Seriously!

Ron:
Kim, get over here! And stop by Bueno Nacho drive-thru on your way, I'm starving.

Ed's Sidekick:
Oh, yeah, yeah, wait, me too, man! Put me down for an all-beef hoagie with hot peppers and mayo? Uh, anybody else want nuthin'?

Wade:
(typing) Keep talking, almost got a trace...

Motor Ed:
Hey, Red? Tell your computer guy not to waste his time on a trace. I'm shooting you a map.

[A fax appears on Wade's machine.]

Wade:
He's not as dumb as the hairstyle might lead you to think...

Motor Ed:
This is bogus, Red! A man should not be booted off his ride!

Kim:
Quit calling me "Red"! Seriously!

Ron:
Ah, the Naco. My wondrous and historic creation for the Bueno Nacho corp. Part nacho, part taco, all delicious.

[Ron imagines himself the subject of a black-and-white film, shot at the turn of the century.]

Ron:
Possible, come here! I need you.

Kim:
(Western accent) Oh, Ronald, it is a wonderment! It will change the world.

Ron:
Yes. Yes, it shall.

(Back in reality:
)

Kim:
That's how you remember it?

Ron:
Pretty much.

Kim:
Open the envelope, Ron. Maybe the check's big enough for you to grande-size.

[Ron opens the envelope, and his eyes bug out when he sees the check.]

Ron:
(stammering) I-it's for nuh-nuh-nuh, ni...

Kim & Bonnie:
(looking) NINETY-NINE MILLION DOLLARS?!

Bonnie:
(tousling Ron's hair) Ron Stoppable, you are such a hottie!

Ron:
Are you saying that because I'm rich?

Bonnie:
Uh-huh.

Ron:
...Cool!

Kim:
This is way worse than when he got the frou-frou haircut.

Wade:
Look at it this way: Ron's lost it much faster than usual, so maybe he'll snap out of it faster too.

Kim:
He's calling himself "The Ron."

Wade:
Or maybe he's lost to us forever.

Kim:
How could anybody who did so much good go so bad?

Dr. Possible:
Ah, don't worry, Kimmie. I'm sure it won't happen to you.

Kim:
Dad!

Dr. Possible:
Oh, that's not where you were going with this.

Kim:
No! I'm just convinced that Mim's innocent.

Shego:
Oh, let me guess, the previous tenant is Professor Dementor?

Drakken:
No, it's someone named Demens.

Shego:
Doy, that's Dementor's real name.

Drakken:
He uses a fake name?

Shego:
Ye-aah, can you imagine, Drew Lipsky?

Wade:
So if Rufus is the genius, then how is Ron gonna build Draken a doomsday device?

Kim:
He's not.

Franklin:
Kim Possible? Lt. Franklin.

Kim:
What's the sitch?

Franklin:
At 0800 hours someone broke into the main lab and locked us out.

Franklin:
It appears the intended target is Project Phoebus.

Kim:
Which is...?

Franklin:
A top secret government experiment.

Kim:
Which does...?

Franklin:
Project Phoebus is a level five security classification.

Kim:
Which means...?

Franklin:
Look, it means I don't know what the darn thing does! None of us do.

Ron:
You're joking, right?

Franklin:
Is this the face of a joker, son?

Ron:
Yea, not so much.

Drakken:
And now, Shego, I shall use my newly acquired brilliance to begin the design of my doomsday device. [starts drawing] Yes! I can feel my brilliance blossoming. It's as if my hand is but a humble servant to the power of my advanced mind. [shows Shego the picture. It turns out that the picture is of a house.] So what do you think?

Shego:
Erm, nothing personal but it doesn't exactly scream doomsday or brilliance.

Drakken:
Nonsense! It must be so advanced that your own puny intellect cannot grasp it. [makes another drawing, then shows it to Shego.] Here! Take a look at this one!

Shego:
A puppy and a horsy. Cute.

Drakken:
Is it ready yet, boy?!

Ron:
Er, it may be in another two or three... or 16 weeks. Say, now might be a great time to take that super freak singles cruise you've been thinking about?

Drakken:
[breaks down door] That doomsday device better work. Otherwise, you'll be swimming with the fish! [to Shego] Fish, right? Or is it fishes?

Shego:
Fish or fishes.

Drakken:
Which is it?

Shego:
Both are correct plural forms of singular word, "fish".

Drakken:
You're very smug, right now, aren't you?

Shego:
A little bit.

Kim:
[Talking about how she failed her driver's test] Check the motto: I can do anything!

Ron:
Right, you can do anything, including fail. See, the logic?

Kim:
[to Ron] Let no one doubt your mad fence jumping skills.

Ron:
[to Drakken] Hi, I'm Ron Stoppable. We've met, but you always seem to forget my name.

Shego:
Argh, there's no way I can do this! Five minutes with my brothers and I'm ready to claw my own eyes out! [tries to walk out]

Kim:
[stops Shego from leaving] Shego, I have brothers, too. I know how annoying they can be, but you can't walk out.

Shego:
Why not?

Kim:
Because if you don't help, I'll tell the world you used to be a good guy.

Shego:
[shocked] You wouldn't!

Kim:
I have a website, and I'm not afraid to use it.

Shego:
My reputation would be shot! Argh!

Kim:
[takes her Kimmunicator] Wade, I need top to bottom scan on Go Manor.

Wade:
You got it, Kim! [notices Shego] Kim, is Shego in your kitchen?

Shego:
Just do your computer thing, nerdlinger.

Ron:
[referring to Shego] Has she always been this cranky?

Hego/Mego:
Oh, yeah.

Kim:
Shego, I thought we were in this together!

Shego:
Oh, come on! Don't you know me better by now? I mean [laughs] seriously!

Ron:
She's right. Keeping everybody's powers to herself and using them for evil. See, that's got more of the Shego vibe.

Drakken:
I mean really, you practically gave it to her.

Shego:
Whatever.

Drakken:
Now that I know the whole story, I think you secretly wanted to lose.

Shego:
What?

Drakken:
That's right. You wanted your brothers to get their powers back. You don't really have it in you to betray them.

Shego:
Are you saying I'm growing soft?

Drakken:
As a marshmallow.

Shego:
RRRGGHHH! [rises from her seat]

[Scene changes outside. Shego has thrown Drakken outside his mech and he is hanging on]]

Drakken:
Shego! I take it back! You're not a softie! Shego!

[In a volcanic lair.]

Drakken:
And so, Kim Possible, all you can do is watch helplessly as I launch my pollution machine into the Earth's ozone layer!

[Kim hits a switch, shutting the hatch to the launch tube. The pollution machine crashes, and the lair is destroyed. Cut to later, inside a space station.]

Drakken:
And so, Kim Possible, you have no choice but to bear witness to the power of my Doomsday Decimator!

[Kim snags the decimator with a line and hauls it around before it fires, destroying the lair. Cut to later, in an underwater lair.]

Drakken:
And so, Kim Possible, the time has come for you to... [turns and sees Kim and Ron already free and running away, followed shortly by an explosion.] Oh, come on! Time out! I mean, I haven't even gotten into my gloating yet, for Pete's sake!

Drakken:
[Thinking of a way to finally defeat Kim Possible] Embarrassment? That's it, Shego! That's the soft white underbelly of the teenage soul!

Shego:
Uh, ew.

[Shego has Kim trapped]

Kim:
I have to sneeze!

Shego:
What?

Kim:
I need to cover my nose!

Shego:
Nice try, Kimmy!

[Kim sneezes right into Shego's face.]

Shego:
Ugh, that was a low blow!

[Kim blows her nose]

Drakken:
I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it! What do you suppose this thing does, Shego? Shego? [phone rings] Hello?

Shego:
D, I'm calling in sick. Kim Possible gave me her stupid cold.

Drakken:
What!? You can't call in sick!

Shego:
I have to go, I'm... I'm... [puts down the phone and sneezes] Ugh, that's disgusting!

[Ron has brought the Ray-X to the Possible house]

Ron:
A sick, sneezy baby spread her germy ill all over me. Thank goodness for the Stoppable Fortress of Immunity!

[Scene changes as Ron sits on the table, sick and eating chicken soup. He sneezes and Rufus brings him a tissue]

Kim:
[laughs] Fortress of Immunity, huh?