Law & Order, Season 10

Mr. Weber:
We weren't ignoring your requests. As a matter of fact, we had a meeting with our lawyers about it.

Carmichael:
What did ya'll decide?

Mr. Weber:
Much as we'd like to cooperate, it would force us to reveal trade secrets which would damage our ability to remain competitive.

Carmichael:
Trade secrets? Mr. Weber, you make guns, not soda pop.

Defense attorney:
You're taking the death penalty off the table with the city screaming for blood?

McCoy:
The victims families need closure, not blood.

Defense attorney:
My client's a healthy young man. Life without parole, that could be 50 or 60 years.

Carmichael:
He could always take up smoking.

McCoy:
Rolff makes a product that any clever 12-year-old can turn into a weapon of mass destruction.

Schiff:
I'm appalled. Write them a letter.

Carmichael:
Jack wants the jury to make a finding of emotion, not of fact. This isn't a trial. It's gun control by other means.

McCoy:
They can sell guns on the internet. Talking about control is a joke.

Carmichael:
So this is your answer? Putting gun makers in jail?

McCoy:
I'd like to start by putting Rolff Firearms out of business!

Carmichael:
Responsible adults can own firearms without the entire country sinking into criminal anarchy.

McCoy:
What's the point? Maybe when the redcoats were coming over Bunker Hill.

Carmichael:
How about somebody 6'5" coming through my door? The people have a right to defend themselves!

Judge Wright:
Madam Foreperson, as to each of the 15 counts of the indictment: Murder in the second degree, has the jury reached a unanimous verdict?

Foreperson:
Yes, we have, your honor. We find the defendant guilty.

[applause is heard in the courtroom; the judge bangs his gavel, silencing them]

Judge Wright:
Order! Order! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I thank you for your service. You are excused. [to the stenographer] Don't pack it up just yet, Linda. I'm finding, as a matter of law, the People failed to meet the standard of proof I said at the beginning of trial. The People did not establish that the weapon was hazardous per se, nor that the main actor in the homicide used the weapon as it was intended to be used by Mr. Weber. Therefore, I'm setting aside the jury verdict and issuing a directed verdict of not guilty. The defendant is free to go. [bangs gavel]

McCoy:
Objection!

Judge Wright:
[bangs gavel again] Order! Order!

McCoy:
[approaches the bench] I'm filing notice of the People's intent to appeal! This is outside the scope of your authority!

Judge Wright:
Mr. McCoy, I'm not gonna sanction a verdict that can't possibly be sustained on appeal. This conviction isn't based on any proven facts. It's based on the jury's outrage at Mr. Weber's irresponsible and inexcusable conduct. You wanna end the violence, the bloodletting. So do I, Mr. McCoy. In my 30 years on the bench, I've seen every permutation of it, and it sickens me when somebody profits from it! But tempted, though I may be, putting Mr. Weber in jail won't end the carnage. Until we cure what ails the human heart, it won't make a dent in the body count. In the meantime, no matter how profound our grief, our indignation, I can't let you use this court to raise a lynch mob. I won't allow you to exploit the same base actions Mr. Weber counts on to beef up his bottom line! It's not about being right, Mr. McCoy. It's about doing right. Now, we're adjourned.

Dr. Skoda:
Jenny's been emotionally abused, maybe physically. She lashes out when her anger reaches the boiling point.

Carmichael:
So we lock this girl up?

Dr. Skoda:
Get used to it. There are more and more girls committing violent crimes. I don't see anything from Jenny except a future of escalating antisocial behavior.

McCoy:
What makes you say that?

Dr. Skoda:
Emotional abuse. The snuffed cat. Blacked out photographs. Her lack of response when I went after her.

McCoy:
Fantasies about hurting little boys.

Dr. Skoda:
Previews of coming attractions. She's graduated to murder, she's not going to stop.

Carmichael:
You sound pretty sure.

Dr. Skoda:
The kid's a done deal. She's a textbook serial killer. You just got her early.

[McCoy and Sharkey deliver closing arguments]

Sharkey:
Your honor, my client is 10 years old. She has teddy bears on her bedspread and a Big Bird piggy bank filled with pennies, and she killed a child. It's so incongruous, it's almost inconceivable. Dr. Olivet has testified that because of her age, and because of the way her brain works, she simply couldn't appreciate that as she struck Aaron Polansky with a rock, she was killing him. Jenny thought she could revive him with a 1-1/2 volt battery. It speaks for itself. Mr. McCoy's position is to ignore the question of responsibility and brand Jenny Brandt a killer. She'll never change. We have to put her away. People change. If anyone can change, it's a child. And Dr. Olivet has emphasized that this will not happen in a state mental hospital. Mr. McCoy's solution is a solution of last resort. Please, don't give up on her, judge.

McCoy:
Jenny got dealt a lousy hand. I look at her with pity and regret. But Jenny Brandt is trouble. She battered Aaron Polansky's head and stuffed him in a pipe. Miss Sharkey wants us to believe that she didn't appreciate what she did. I don't agree. Jenny daydreams about killing small boys. She even had a trial run with a cat, but ultimately what she could or could not appreciate is irrelevant. Jenny is a loaded gun! She has a cocked fist with a rock in it! She needs to be stopped before she kills again! Dr. Olivet talks about sending Jenny to a state institution like it's a death sentence that turns the world upside down. Aaron Polansky got a death sentence! Jenny would get treatment. Now, everybody knows state psychiatric care could be better. But letting Jenny get away with murder won't help this girl. How will she ever appreciate that her actions have consequences if there are none? And how many children will she kill before the adult criminal justice system can take over? Do we have to wait and see? Miss Sharkey would like us to cross our fingers and hope. Hope that it won't happen again. I have my own kind of hope. I hope the state doctors can find a way to fix this girl. I hope that it takes 6 months. But until they do, we can't afford Miss Sharkey's brand of hope. We need to protect the Aaron Polanskys of this world from Jenny Brandt.

Green:
There must be 10, 15 grand here. Where'd you get the money, Bobby?

Bobby:
Bite me!

Briscoe:
Go ahead. Bite him.

Green:
A civil court judge needs a gun?

Briscoe:
Maybe she hands out too much alimony.

Carmichael:
The laws for the rich are different.

McCoy:
What laws for the rich?

Lt. Van Buren:
[to Briscoe] You were never a kid?

Green:
Old Spice forgot to take his gingko.

Dupree:
[after his lawyer, Laura Felder, is murdered] This can't be happening to me.

Carmichael:
It's not, it happened to Felder.

Ross:
[to Carmichael, during a lineup] Don't be shy - next time just point to my client.

Green:
I heard the news. We get the gun, they toss it. We get the confession.

Briscoe:
We?

Green:
I've been sayin' "we" to cover your ass, outta respect for you.

Briscoe:
I don't need that kinda respect.

Green:
Good, 'cause I've been walkin' on eggshells ever since we caught this case.

Briscoe:
'Bout as long as you've been pissin' me off.

Green:
Pissing you off?! Why? 'Cause I don't blend in with the rest of the roaches?

Briscoe:
Oh, is that what this is about?! Because you know that's not how I meant that!

Green:
No, no, no. I will tell you what I know. If it wasn't for your screw-ups, we'd have nailed this guy a long time ago!

Briscoe:
My screw-ups?! Your stuff's been gettin' thrown outta court ever since you got here!

Green:
Well, maybe I take chances, because my partner can't get it up!

Briscoe:
[throws the transcript at his partner] Maybe you just get off on takin' chances!

Lt. Van Buren:
BRISCOE!

[Briscoe turns to the angry lieutenant]

Lt. Van Buren:
In my office!

[Briscoe enters Van Buren's office after his clash with Green]

Lt. Van Buren:
What's goin' on?

Briscoe:
I'm done workin' with Green.

Lt. Van Buren:
The hell you are!

Briscoe:
I don't need him second-guessing everything I do.

Lt. Van Buren:
Green's not your problem.

Briscoe:
Then what is my problem? You tell me.

Lt. Van Buren:
That's what I'm tryin' to figure out.

Briscoe:
You think I'm too old to cut it?!

Lt. Van Buren:
Whoa! Now, where's that comin' from?

Briscoe:
From the flavor of the month out there.

Lt. Van Buren:
You've been here 6 years. You know I don't play favorites.

Briscoe:
Well, 6 years should count for somethin' more than my pension.

Lt. Van Buren:
Look, I'm behind you, Lennie. But I believe this case is messin' with you.

Briscoe:
This case pans out the same whether I'm 25 or 75!

Lt. Van Buren:
Right. I'm glad you feel that way. So, pull yourself together, because it isn't over.

Taylor:
[to his attorney] Charles, do something!

Briscoe:
Yeah, counselor, why don't you click your heels 3 times and say there's no place like home.

Briscoe:
You see, whoever raped Cecilia used a condom, except some of his little guys got away from him. That's why we took your blood, Taylor.

Taylor:
That doesn't concern me one bit.

Lt. Van Buren:
[walks into room with a folder] The lab results are in. The DNA found at the scene matches the sample we took from the sheets.

Briscoe:
Ooh! You should have been more careful when removing your party hat, Ken.

Green:
Rock, paper, scissors, gun!

Risenhour:
I want these men to close their eyes and see my sister. See my sister as the little girl she was, and as the woman she should have been. Then I want them to open their eyes and tell me if they think they owe me anything.

Briscoe:
Guy's juggling at least three lady friends. Must be putting something extra in his tank.

Green:
Jealous?

Rodgers:
Right now, I've got to get a javelin out of somebody's chest.

Briscoe:
What made you go into this line of work?

Rodgers:
Free javelins.

Schiff:
This teenager commits the perfect crime.

McCoy:
I know, it's hard to believe. C.S.U. luminoled every conceivable spot in the building and they didn't find a drop of blood.

Schiff:
Kid gets off, father buys him a bazooka

McCoy:
How did he clean up all that blood?

Carmichael:
He got an A in Home Ec?

Officer:
Couple in an apartment across the street heard some screaming and called 9-1-1.

Briscoe:
Concerned citizens. Must be new in town.

Dr. Naim:
When I was a boy, my uncle in Tehran talked to the Moon. But he only talked to the Moon when my grandfather told him he must leave and find work.

Green:
How many of these have you done?

Briscoe:
Stakeouts?

Green:
No, dead babies.

Briscoe:
We don't know for sure the baby's dead.

Green:
Right.

Briscoe:
To answer your question, too many.

Green:
This is my first.

Briscoe:
That's too many.

Father Aguerro:
[about Jimmy] Sometimes he came and stood near the confessional. I was hoping he'd come in, but you can't make someone confess.

Briscoe:
Wanna bet?

Green:
[finding a receipt on a murder victim's person] Mr. Hoss paid for a meal at Cafe Rouge, 8:16, tonight.

Briscoe:
Dinner for two?

Green:
Looks like it.

Briscoe:
Hope he enjoyed it.

Lt. Van Buren:
[Reading Todd's fan mail] Oh this is lovely: "You write worse than an uneducated trout."

Briscoe:
If I was the fish, I'd take offense.

Munch:
Is this what I have to look forward to in my twilight years? Cyber-flirting with Betty and Veronica?

Carmichael:
[about Regina Mulroney] Why is everyone afraid of this woman?

Schiff:
Regina's favorite joke: The difference between a lace-curtain Irish and a shanty Irish is, the lace-curtain Irish will move the curtains aside before she pisses in the sink. [pause] Regina's a proud shanty Irish.

Schiff:
Stick to the deal, no matter how much it turns your stomach...and mine.

Carmichael:
How do you wash it off, Jack?

McCoy:
Wish I knew.

Dantoni:
I appreciate you seeing me, Mr. McCoy.

McCoy:
This isn't a courtesy. You have information regarding this homicide?

Dantoni:
I have. We do.

McCoy:
You understand there's no offer of immunity, for either you or your son?

Dantoni's Attorney:
Mr. Dantoni merely seeks the same offer your office provides any other crime victim.

McCoy:
Crime victim?

Dantoni:
This is a strange situation for all of us. I'm used to handling my own problems my own way, but this is different. My son did not commit any murder.

McCoy:
That's the extent of your information?

Dantoni:
My son's a moron, but he's not a murderer.

Carmichael:
So he's only half a chip off the old block.

Elias:
Isn't it great to say exactly what you feel?

Briscoe:
I tried that with my first wife.

McCoy:
Elias Grace suckered these people out of millions of dollars and he turns out to be the biggest sucker of them all.

Green:
The husbands called. They want to get this all settled out with their shrinks.

Lt. Van Buren:
Oh, good. One for each of you.

Graham:
Perry and I have nothing to hide. We're therapists; we believe in the truth.

Briscoe:
Yeah, so do we. But we rarely hear it.

Braun:
I think he's from Brooklyn.

Briscoe:
Why? He had a bad haircut?

Schiff:
[to McCoy] Can't you see the little picture for a change?

Patterson:
[about Green] Put leash on this guy, all right?

Briscoe:
We gave up: he keeps chewing through them.

Green:
[about Malone's spending habits] Four grand in one week telling a stripper how to take her clothes off.

Carmichael:
You guys are such suckers!

Briscoe:
Surf Nazis on ecstasy. Bet they're gonna put that in the local drive-in.

Green:
[about Alston] As far as we can see, she's a retired porn star living off her investments.

Briscoe:
God bless America.

Carmichael:
What do you call this?

Green:
Besides a bunch of crazy, rich white people with too much time on their hands?

Carmichael:
[dealing with a defendant who makes wild changes to his story] It's a suicide, it's an accident, it's a breath mint! This guy gives me a headache!

Carmichael:
She denied knowing her mom had Parkinson's, she lied about the money, she's 0 for 2 and counting.

McCoy:
Getting her paws on that money is a pretty good motive for a murder.

Carmichael:
Except it's her step-dad who pulled the trigger. Wow, what a cozy little family this is turning out to be.

McCoy:
Once you turn to necrophilia, incest doesn't seem so bad.

Carmichael:
Moore must be feeling pretty stupid sitting in Riker's while Debbie is out spending up a storm. He might be in the mood to deal.

McCoy:
I'm not. Get a search warrant for her office and home. We find evidence they had an affair, they can both rot.

Schiff:
Have you arrested this girl?

Carmichael:
Not yet.

Schiff:
Are you waiting for an invitation?

McCoy:
May it please the court. Man has only the rights he can defend. Our most basic right is life. It's enshrined not only in our Constitution, but in the charter of the United Nations. The prohibition against taking a life is found in our most ancient texts and in the statutes of every nation. Every murder, whether in Brooklyn, Santiago, Rwanda or Kosovo, demands punishment by whatever legal means possible. Otherwise, the right to life is just an empty promise. The law against murder applies to all. No matter the perpetrator, the victim, or the country where the murder is committed. It is the one moral law that recognizes no national, racial or religious boundaries. It can tolerate no exceptions. There is one law. One law. And when that law is broken, it is the duty of every officer of any court to rise up in defense of that law, and bring their full power and diligence to bear against the law breaker. Because, man has only those rights he can defend. Only those rights.

Jack Mccoy:
Know the difference between lace curtain Irish and shanty Irish?

Adam Schiff ... lace curtain Irish will move the dishes before they piss the sink....

Schiff says...."difference between lace curtain Irish and shanty Irish is.. lace curtain Irish remove the dishes from the sink before they piss in it".

Schiff says...."difference between lace curtain Irish and shanty Irish is.. lace curtain remove the dishes from the sink before they piss in it".

Green:
Hey, follow the shiny badge!

Green:
[about the victim] Man's keeping secrets.

Briscoe:
Yeah, he's also dropping money on dinners like I do on a new car.

Green:
[of the victim] Last time anybody saw him, he was leaving his apartment at around 10:30.

Smith:
We saw two male blacks hanging out about then. We circled a few times, let him know we were on him.

Green:
What do you mean, hanging out?

Smith:
You know, standing around.

Briscoe:
What did they look like?

Smith:
Average height. Late teens, early 20s. Dark clothes.

Briscoe:
That the best you can do?

Smith:
Yeah. We don't make detailed notes on every Tom, Dick and Harry. They weren't bothering anybody.

Green:
Then why did you notice them at all?

Flannery:
Because we get paid to.

Schiff:
Last time Albany convicted a cop, I had a full head of black hair.

Reyes:
They hung me upside down by my ankles and burned me with cigarettes. They put electrodes on my tongue and my eyelids. They would not let me sleep. They tried to drown me. Three times they put a gun to my head and pretended to shoot me. They did this to me for 2 months.

McCoy:
And you're positive that the people who tortured you were under the command of Colonel Pantoya?

Reyes:
Yes. He visited the prison many times. [to Pantoya] The man you laughed at, the man hanging like a pig, it was me. Through my blood and my tears, I saw you, Colonel.