Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Season 11

Benson:
Where's Alex Cabot?

Paxton:
Training in Albany. When she's finished, she'll take my spot in Appeals.

Stabler:
Appeals? Well, no disrespect, but we do things a little differently down here in New York City.

Paxton:
Oh really? I was trying homicides when you were fresh out of the academy, walking a beat, and trying not to piss yourself.

Captain Cragen:
Executive ADA Paxton got the first capital conviction when Pataki brought back the death penalty.

Paxton:
That's right, so when I say stop playing fast and loose with defendants rights, that's what you'll do, or you won't be working here.

Captain Cragen:
That is the commisioners descision, Sonya, not yours.

Paxton:
That's where you're wrong, Don. There have been far too many overturned convictions - especially in the 'he-said she-said' unit. So, McCoy sent me here to clean the house. Oh, and 1PP thinks it's a really swell idea, so why don't you walk me through it?

Paxton:
I thought there were no open rape cases matching this M.O.

Stabler:
There aren't. Maybe the victims didn't report it. My gut is telling me that he's done it before.

Paxton:
Or maybe it's your acid reflux.

Paxton:
53 convictions have been overturned in the state, Don. Even one is too many.

Benson:
Those men were exonerated through DNA. There's a difference.

Paxton:
Falsely imprisoned for decades, I might add, because detectives didn't do their jobs in the first place.

Stabler:
Well that isn't the case here, Miss Paxton. Tate's guilty.

Paxton:
Really? Oh. Well that's great then. You don't mind calling me after you re-interview Katie Harris, and show her a sequential photo array.

[Paxton interviews suspect Vance Shepard's assistant, Lizette]

[Paxton interviews suspect Vance Shepard's assistant, Lizette]

Lizette:
On Wednesday night, Vance dropped by my place, so we could share a cab to dinner. It must have been 5:30.

Paxton:
And his mood?

Lizette:
Fine. He asked if he could pour drink, but he's done that before.

Paxton:
And at dinner, he was the same old super-boss he always is?

Lizette:
Pretty much.

Paxton:
And just for the record, you would never lie for him, right?

Lizette:
No.

Paxton:
Even after he bought you that very impressive rack?

Lizette:
Excuse me?

Paxton:
Well, come on. A pair that nice has got to make a girl feel pretty grateful, right?

Lizette:
That's none of your business. [stands up to leave]

Paxton:
Sit down. Hon, everything's my business. Your boss, your boobs, your belligerent little attitude. You need to start telling me the truth or I'll throw you in lockup. With that cute little body of yours, it'll get you all the attention you can handle.

Stabler:
I don't work for you.

Paxton:
I'm not gonna watch you brutalize a prisoner in custody.

Stabler:
I didn't lay a finger on him.

Paxton:
Oh, really? Could've fooled me.

Stabler:
I was transferring him to central booking.

Paxton:
Well, under the circumstances, that's not appropriate.

Stabler:
It's my case!

Paxton:
No. You're not the case, detective. You're the victim!

Stabler:
[offended look]

Paxton:
I'm sorry. Does that word offend you? Big strong Elliot Stabler can't be anyone's victim, right?

Stabler:
You don't know me.

Paxton:
Trust me. I read your file.

Stabler:
You wanna know something? You've had a hard-on for me since the day you walked into this squad.

Paxton:
No, hon, not at all. I got problems with anybody who doesn't play by the rules.

Stabler:
No. Your rules! You act like the law's Holy Scripture. You don't give a damn about the law. You want control. You don't know me. You know me? I know you. I see perps like you walking here everyday of the week. They gotta have control. The whole world falls apart, but inside they're scared, weak, damaged--

[Paxton slaps him]

[Stabler enters Paxton's office, after spending 2 days in solitary, at his own choice]

Paxton:
Where the hell have you been?

Stabler:
The hall. I wanna drop the charges.

Paxton:
Don't be a wuss, Stabler. You took a bad trip in your own head, and now what? You feel sorry for Donovan? Well, that's your problem. Mine is convicting a would-be cop killer, who thinks doing a little time gives him the right to whack the first cop who looks at him cross-eyed.

Stabler:
It's not that simple.

Paxton:
Actually, it is. If Donovan walks it's open season on law enforcement, for any perp that did a day in the hall.

Stabler:
Look, you don't have to set him a precedent. Just cut him a deal.

Paxton:
If I plea-bargain Donovan, he's out in 5 years, and then what? Does he run down the cop who pulls him over for speeding? I won't take that chance.

Stabler:
I'll report you for assault. The DA will suspend you.

Paxton:
Go ahead. [pauses and then smiles] Thought so. You may of lost your balls in lock-up but, I still got mine.

[Stabler and Benson take Dalton on a trip, where he eventually escapes]

Paxton:
Good morning, detectives.

Stabler:
Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse.

Paxton:
Has anyone seen my missing defendant?

Stabler:
We could try and find him, unless you just wanna waste our time bustin' my balls.

Paxton:
Oh, I'd never kick a fellow when he's down. I'm sure you feel like a grade-A moron as it is. Of course, I'm the one who has to slog through a Wade hearing, because you tainted the bartender's ID.

Captain Cragen:
What do you need, Sonya?

Paxton:
On the assumption you'll retrieve Dalton Rindell for me, I'm proceeding with my trial prep. I actually just stopped by to watch a movie. Wanna join me?

[Paxton enters the interrogation room in the middle of an interview with Dalton]

Paxton:
Ugh! Cut the crap! Jeez!

Stabler:
Need somethin', Sonya?

Paxton:
Yeah. For him to admit he killed and raped Audrey Hale. [to Stabler and Benson] I got tired of watching you 2 play patty cake. Sorry.

Dalton:
How can I admit something I don't remember? Look, I had a history of blackouts in my drinking days. One time, I woke up in a hotel room in Phoenix. I had no clue how I got there.

Paxton:
[mocks] "The liquor made me do it! My partner made me do it!"

Dalton:
He did! He admitted it!

Paxton:
Please. It's not like he slipped you a Mickey. And he's not the one who killed Audrey. You are. You lured her to your place, found out what she did for a living, and then you killed her in a drunken rage.

Dalton:
I'm not even anti-abortion!

Paxton:
Okay. So, her profession was just a fluke. Then why did you kill her?

Dalton:
I don't know! I swear, I have no memory of what happened that night.

Paxton:
Fine. Maybe this will jog your memory.

[she shows Dalton a video with a recreation of the crime scene, with his image]

Dalton:
That's me.

Paxton:
Yeah.

Dalton:
You can't show that to a jury, can you?

Paxton:
No. Not with your likeness. But everything else. I made this one just for you.

[Dalton shuts the computer]

Dalton:
I wanna talk to a lawyer.

[during Dr. Sopher's testimony]

Kressler:
Dr. Sopher, you conducted a study involving the brain imaging of alcoholics.

Dr. Sopher:
Yes, and the results indicate...

Paxton:
People renew their objection to this hearing in its entirety.

Judge Moredock:
Counselor!

Paxton:
It doesn't matter what voodoo science she trots out as an excuse. Intoxication has been banned as a defense to rape and murder dating back...

Kressler:
The People didn't meet their burden for rape. That charge was dropped!

Paxton:
[corrects herself] Banned as a defense to murder, dating back to the 19th century.

Kressler:
Would your honor remind Miss Paxton that the entire point of a Frye hearing is to consider the admissibility of new science at trial.

Judge Moredock:
I do have other matters to consider. Objection overruled.

Alex:
I finally claw my way out of appeals, and you guys bring me this cluster.

[SVU captures members of O.S.L. and throw them into a holding cell]

First suspect:
I still don't understand what I did wrong.

Fin:
I'm throwin' you in a cage full of pedophiles. See if they can help you figure it out.

Second suspect:
I've never seen that kid before in my life.

Captain Cragen:
Pictures don't lie. We got him sitting on your lap.

Third suspect:
I don't have anybody to watch my shop.

Benson:
That's the least of your problems, baby raper. [she shuts the cell] Bet you didn't think NYPD would be hosting this year's Our Special Love convention.

[Stabler brings O'Donnell in]

Stabler:
Hey, all you vermin! You can thank your leader, Kevin O'Donnell, for keeping such meticulous records. Enjoy, Kevin.

O'Donnell:
You can't leave me in here! [Benson shuts the cell] I want my lawyer.

Benson:
She'll meet you in arraignment, tomorrow.

[O'Donnell looks behind him and sees all his customers staring at him]

Benson:
Eva. You don't have to move.

Eva:
But Thomas pays the mortgage and he's never given me any of the passwords on any of our accounts.

Benson:
So? We'll go to the bank, we'll show them your ID, we'll empty the accounts, we'll start a new one in your name and then we come here and change the locks.

Eva:
Really?

Benson:
Yeah!

Eva:
[sighs with relief] Damn, girl, you got a little gangster in you, huh?

[outside the Supreme Court steps, Alex notices EADA Paxton]

Paxton:
Alex!

Alex:
I thought you stood me up.

Paxton:
Sorry, I couldn't make it through the door. Guess I'm not quite ready.

Alex:
Why don't you tell me what you want?

Paxton:
Just to give you some much needed advice. Don't give the State Bar anymore ammunition.

Alex:
I didn't blow a trial by breathing vodka onto a judge, and I sure as hell wasn't forced to take a breathalyzer in open court.

Paxton:
Actually, it was scotch, and drunk or not, I've never been accused of a Brady violation.

Alex:
I take my oath very seriously, and I did not withhold evidence from the defense.

Paxton:
Look, even if it was the cops who didn't turn over every scrap of evidence, you're still culpable. They'll yank your license.

Alex:
Benson and Stabler would not do that.

Paxton:
They're good cops, but their loyalty is to each other, not to you.

Alex:
I know you didn't get along with Stabler, but this is low, even for you.

Paxton:
I don't have any ax to grind.

Alex:
No, you just want to bury it in their backs.

Paxton:
Who are you gonna blame when you lose your job, Alex?

Alex:
You're telling me not to trust them.

Paxton:
No. I'm telling you to do your job and watch your ass.

Dickie:
Ever sleep with your partner, detective?

Benson:
Never. Are we done playing games?

Stabler:
You look terrible!

Benson:
Stop with the sweet talk…

Captain Cragen:
Yeah, it's all fun and games until someone loses a penis.

Clerk:
Docket ending 6041. People v. Olivia Benson. The charge is murder in the second degree.

Judge Ridenour:
Sorry to see you here under these circumstances, detective. How do you plead?

Benson:
Not guilty.

[the biker gang barges into the courtroom]

Biker:
Guilty!

Judge Ridenour:
Remove whoever shouted that! Anybody else disrupting my court'll be held in contempt! Capisce?!

Stabler:
[opens Benson's fridge] You have absolutely no food in this house.

Benson:
They have this great thing, it's called delivery.

Stabler:
Planning a tropical getaway? [holds up travel brochures]

Benson:
A girl can dream, can't she? Stop snooping.

[after seeing Fin's misconduct on the news]

Chief Muldrew:
"Special violence unit"?

Fin:
Randall Carver's a leech.

Chief Muldrew:
And you're a police officer. For how much longer is up to you.

Fin:
I didn't rough him up.

Captain Cragen:
You're saying the camera's lying?

Fin:
You know what, gimme the rip. I don't care. I'm-a find this killer before another kid dies. [leaves]

Captain Cragen Fin!

Chief Muldrew:
No. No, keep on goin', Tutuola. Out the door, on to your next career. I'm sure you'll enjoy being a mall cop.

Fin:
Okay, I'm sorry. I lost my cool with Carver and I shouldn't have.

Chief Muldrew:
Now, go say it again to that asswad who's making our lives Hell!

Fin :
[to a suspect who's about to jump out the window] Better grow wings or I'm gonna blow your brains all over the street down there!

Protester:
[is yelling on a bullhorn outside the police station] SVU what do you say? How many kids gonna die today?

Fin:
[to Munch] Hold this [hands Munch a box] Gonna see how far I can kick that bullhorn up his ass.

Munch:
Don't dirty your shoe, Fin.

Gordon Garrison:
I'm just a social thermometer taking the people's temperature.

Alex Cabot:
Rectally?

[just after the judge has ordered recess]

Rebecca:
Your honor, may I say something to the court?

Judge Preston:
No! I've already issued my ruling. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Rebecca:
I'm sorry, your honor. Peter?!

[she sprays Peter with acid; Peter screams in pain while the detectives restrain Rebecca]

Judge Preston:
Call an ambulance!

Rebecca:
Now you look like the monster you are!

[Captain Cragen and Dr. Huang face the Chief of Detectives]

Chief Muldrew:
Your pet cops finally went off the deep end. Arresting Anne Gillette at her parents' funeral?!

Captain Cragen:
They were obeying my direct orders, sir.

Chief Muldrew:
You knew I ordered Detective Ramsey to close this case.

Captain Cragen:
I didn't think that trumped a double homicide.

Chief Muldrew:
This isn't a moment for you to think. Your detectives didn't arrest Anne Gillette for murder. Penny-ante witness tampering is all I heard.

Captain Cragen:
For now.

Chief Muldrew:
And you can prove that she's the killer?

Captain Cragen:
Not yet.

Chief Muldrew:
Then why the hell did you arrest her in the middle of Park Avenue?

Dr. Huang:
She's dangerous.

Chief Muldrew:
Is that your clinical opinion, Dr. Huang?

Dr. Huang:
Do you want me to use bigger words? Fine. She's a psychopath with extremely violent tendencies.

Chief Muldrew:
Stop showing off. [sighs] Bring her down for murder, and I'll back your play. But screw the pooch, and I'm gonna let the crap roll downhill.

[he leaves]

Captain Cragen:
They better crack her, or we're gonna have a lotta shoveling to do.

Benson:
[about Anne] Sounds like she hasn't found herself, but why would the Prestwick Foundation want her on the board?

Detective Ramsey:
Daddy gave them 10,000,000.

Stabler:
I got my daughter a job at Target. Didn't cost me a dime.

Detective Ramsey:
I'm sure your daughter's more qualified to sit on the Prestwick Foundation board.

Alex:
That was quick. She didn't punch you again, did she?

Stabler:
Ah, you know, some women just don't want to talk man to man.

Duffy:
Stabler!

Stabler:
I wish she would refuse to talk to me.

Duffy:
Look, you pig-headed son of a bitch. You can't drag an innocent- [notices Alex] Hi. Babs Duffy.

Alex:
Alex Cabot. I will leave you 2 alone.

Duffy:
You don't have to.

Stabler:
No, you want to say something, let's do it in the box.

Stabler:
[to Benson] I get hit, you get hit on.

Clerk:
Docket ending 245. People vs. Richard Morgan. Charges are--

Judge Maskin:
Is this right? 230 counts each, grand larceny and fraud in the first degree, and 20 counts of income tax evasion?

Alex:
Your honor, you're looking at Bernard Madoff, the Karate Kid edition.

Block:
That's prejudicial, Judge. I want her censured.

Judge Maskin:
I don't see any jury here, Miss Block. And she certainly isn't going to prejudice me. How do you plead, Mr. Morgan?

Morgan:
Not guilty.

Alex:
The defendant has a private plane and ample means to flee the country. We request remand to Rikers.

Block:
Remand is excessive. My client wasn't charged with a violent crime.

Alex:
Yet. Mr. Morgan is also being investigated for rape and murder.

Judge Maskin:
And when he's charged with either of those, he'll await trial in Rikers. The defendant will surrender his passport and be confined to his home with an electronic monitoring device. Bail is denied. [bangs gavel] We're in recess.

Kressler:
How well did you know Lainie?

Nardalee:
Not at all.

Kressler:
So you weren't girlfriends? You didn't share any secrets?

Nardalee:
No.

Kressler:
So, you wouldn't know if what you saw was my client fulfilling Lainie's fantasy.

Nardalee:
That girl was being raped.

Kressler:
How do you know that? You just said that you didn't know my client or Lainie.

Nardalee:
I know when a woman is being raped.

Kressler:
Are you a mind reader?

Nardalee:
I was raped.

Kressler:
Objection, your honor.

Nardalee:
I've seen many women raped. I know that look.

Kressler:
This is unresponsive.

Nardalee:
I know that look. That dead look in the eyes when you imagine you are anywhere but there.

Kressler:
Please direct her to answer the question.

Judge Andrews:
Mr. Kressler asked you a question. Are you a mind reader?

Nardalee:
No, your honor. I am not.

Kressler:
Isn't it a fact that you are in this country illegally?

Alex:
Objection! Relevance.

Kressler:
It goes to her character. She lied to get into the country. Maybe she's lying about this.

Judge Andrews:
I'll allow it.

Kressler:
Miss Ula, isn't it a fact that last week, you were in a detention center?

Nardalee:
Yes.

Kressler:
And aren't you only testifying here today, in exchange for Miss Cabot getting you out?

Nardalee:
No!

Kressler:
Is it true that you were to be deported, because of close ties to a terrorist organization?

Nardalee:
That is a lie!

Kressler:
Aren't you married to a known terrorist?

Nardalee:
It was a forced marriage!

Kressler:
And you claimed he raped you.

Nardalee:
He and all his friends!

Kressler:
And now you see rape everywhere. No further questions.

Alex:
Miss Ula, why did you come into this country?

Nardalee:
To escape the epidemic of sexual violence taking place in the Democratic Republic of Congo. The men who raped me were fighting for control of the mines that produce tin, tungsten, and tantalum, the conflict minerals you so desperately need to make your cell phones and computers!

Kressler:
Objection. What does this have to do with this trial?

Alex:
He called her character into question and insinuated she was a member of a terrorist organization. He opened this door!

Judge Andrews:
Overruled.

Alex:
Miss Ula, do you see rape everywhere?

Nardalee:
The women in my village were raped. The women in the militia camp were raped. I was raped repeatedly, by so many men, I lost count. They put their guns in my sex, and one of them pulled the trigger. I was in the hospital for over a year. It left me incontinent. So, yes. I have seen rape EVERYWHERE! That is how I know that girl was raped.

Alex:
Thank you. Nothing further.

[after Bryce is convicted of Lainie's rape]

Nardalee:
I can't believe I helped put a rapist in jail! I never thought it was possible. In the DRC, the men don't even fear being punished.

Benson:
[while interrogating Bogdon] The truth hurts! And Jane was gonna splash it all over the front page. Of course, she'd have to use small print.

Benson:
Gotta tell ya, I never would have pegged a woman for it.

Stabler:
You surprised by a killer woman? Try missing an anniversary.

Dr. Huang:
Lots of divorces start at drunken wedding receptions.

Dr. Stanton:
It wasn't rape! We love each other!

Dr. Huang:
You took advantage of a child.

Dr. Stanton:
No! You don't understand! Andrew is a man. He is my soul mate!

Benson:
Looks like Lily left her brains behind..

Stabler:
Who the hell took her body?

Benson:
[as Elliot photographs Hankett's birthmark] Looks like Florida to me.

Stabler:
To me it looks like guilty.

[Hankett starts to lower his pants]

Benson:
Whoah, we don't need to see anything south of Key West!

Hankett:
Leave me alone.

Benson:
Keep it in your pants, okay?

Stabler:
Sit down. Sit down

Benson:
Keep your pants on Mr. Hankett.

Stabler:
Now you are not denying being a flasher, are you Mr. Hankett?

Hankett:
What just happened, that was an accident, okay? It just kind of fell out.

Benson:
Just like it did in the electronics store?

Stabler:
What, you have an epileptic seizure while you were trying to put it away?

Vance:
Yes, I helped her financially, but I was a lot more than her sugar daddy. I loved Emily.

Stabler:
Oh God, here we go.

Vance:
I took her her to museums. I encouraged her to go to college. I tried to broaden her horizons.

Stabler:
[to Benson] Detective, how many times have we heard that song?

Benson:
"The Ballad of Loving John"? At least once a week.

Paxton:
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I warn you: What you are about to see is graphically violent. And forensic evidence proves that these are the indisputable actions of the defendant.

[she plays the video of the recreation of Dalton beating Dr. Hale to death; however, Dalton's face is photoshopped on it]

Kressler:
Objection! Move for a mistrial, your honor!

Dalton:
No! She can't play that! She told me the jury couldn't see this one!

Judge Moredock:
Bailiff, remove the jury!

Paxton:
Wrong one! [stops and ejects the disc] Your honor, I have no idea how this happened.

Judge Moredock:
Counselors, my chambers!

Munch:
[bringing in coffee] Breakfast of champions is served.

Stabler:
Anyone ever tell you you're a god?

Munch:
Partake of the nectar of the gods now, bow to me later.

[The detectives suspect that Terri is a government agent]

Stabler:
Why is Terri being paid $61,000 a year by a company that only exists on paper?

Munch:
Not a company - The Company.

Dr. Huang:
There are 2 kinds of parents: those who will do anything to help their children, and those who will pay any amount to have someone do it for them.

Enzo:
I'm clean, Martin. And you can rot in jail.

Martin:
[to Dr. Huang] You gave him Ibocane. You'll lose your license. I'm reporting you.

Dr. Huang:
I already reported myself. 30 days suspension of my license. It was worth it.

[someone knocks on the door]

Benson:
Callaghan! You have a bladder the size of a pea! How many bathroom breaks does this make? Callaghan?

[Benson's phone starts ringing]

Benson:
Hold on.

[Brady breaks the lock and bursts through the door]

Brady:
If they're looking for me, I'm not here!

[Benson runs into another room and holds the door shut]

Brady:
Olivia! We need to talk. We need to talk! Open the door!

Benson:
Help!!

Brady:
Open the door!! [pushes into the room]

[Benson grabs a lamp]

Benson:
How about a threesome?

Peter:
You got a hot girlfriend stashed somewhere?

Benson:
I got a hot boyfriend.

Peter:
That's not really my scene... but I'll try anything once.

[Fin comes up from behind and handcuffs him]

Peter:
Hey! I'm not into S&M!

Fin:
You're under arrest, idiot.

[Benson and Stabler inspect an apparent murder-suicide]

Benson:
Hubby had a gun. Why did he turn his wife into chopped liver?

Stabler:
You've never been married.

Anne:
You have no idea what I'm capable of, detective.

Stabler:
I saw your mother's body.

Anne:
If you really think I could do that to someone I love, then what do you think I could do to someone you love?

Lynn:
I'm not an addict.

Stabler:
You just like the way coke smells?

Mike:
Look, I don't know what you're talking about.

Stabler:
Young hookers. You've got a thing for them.

Mike:
Absolutely not. I'm a married man.

Stabler:
How about that 14-year-old you were caught diddling?

Mike:
I was a kid.

Stabler:
Mike, you were 22.

Mike:
She looked older. I prayed for forgiveness. I never made that mistake again.

Stabler:
Until you met Maggie Ortiz.

Mike:
Never seen her before.

Stabler:
No?

Mike:
No.

Stabler:
How about Abby Mannion?

Mike:
I don't know her, either.

Stabler:
Your penis does. Your semen was found inside her.

Benson:
[about Morgan] Sounds like he went to the Bernie Madoff school of investing.

Judy:
Any idea what I'm looking for?

Fin:
No.

Judy:
You owe me.

Fin:
Don't I always?

Benson:
You think I'm a bitch, don't you?

[Cara blinks once for "yes"]

Benson:
You're not the first.

Stabler:
I don't trust a guy who wears drawstring pants.

Munch:
DNA sweat stains, so now you have to watch where you sweat.

Dr. Warner:
Wonders of science, baby.

Stabler:
What'd you call us down for?

Marlowe:
Well, when you got 2 dead little girls, the Ledger's gonna run it on the front page.

Stabler:
So you want answers before they hit you with the questions.

Marlowe:
Yeah. The only time I like to be surprised with my pants down is on my birthday.

Marlowe:
You told me good prosecutors get convictions and...

Marlowe and McCoy:
Great prosecutors get justice.

McCoy:
I tell that same speech to all new ADAs.

Marlowe:
Well, I believed you, so now I'm asking you to believe me.

Dr. Beresford:
Tell me something: who rapes a pregnant woman?

Stabler:
Well, for every kink, there's a perv with a dream.

Marlowe:
Nothing? Don't tell me you came back empty-handed.

Stabler:
I got Fletcher right here. I caught him impersonating Liv.

Benson:
[tries to stich together Dr. Warner's gunshot wound] I don't think I can do this.

Dr. Warner:
Then get ready to watch me die.

Dr. Warner:
[after getting shot] Back off, vultures! I'm not dead yet!