Letterkenny, Season 1

Wayne:
Katy. How're you now?

Katy:
Good and you?

Wayne:
Not so bad.

Reilly:
Nice onesie. Does it come in men's?

Wayne:
Oh, I think you cum in men enough for all of us.

Reilly:
I think you better come in my...I mean, you better come...

Jonesy:
I think you better come say that to his face, you fucking hicks!

Daryl:
Nice execution.

Wayne:
You're doin' terrific.

Reilly:
You looking for a tilly, buddy? Let's have a donnybrook!

Daryl:
Pump the brakes. You take your shirt off but leave your sunglasses on?

Wayne:
What sort of backwards fucking pageantry is that?

Daryl:
You gonna fight with those shades or play pokerstars.com?

Jonesy:
Hold my spitter.

Reilly:
Dude, I can't hold your spitter, you're holding my spitter- just put the spitter down.

Wayne:
Tick tock.

[Jonesy takes off his shirt and puts his hat on backwards]

Jonesy:
Go time!

Reilly:
Go time!

Daryl:
Look at that fucking treasure trail.

Wayne:
What's up with your fucking body hair, big shoots? You look like a 12 year-old Dutch girl. Your aesthetician coiff that for ya?

Daryl:
You can kiss my aesthetician. You guys do Cross-Fit?

Wayne:
You can Cross-fuck off.

Daryl:
Cross-fart. How many times you pulled your horn today, bud?

Reilly:
What?

Daryl:
Aw, she's bashful.

Wayne:
Well, come on kitten, I won't tell anyone. Ballpark, six to eight? You're a fucking animal.

Daryl:
Play a little five-on-one?

Wayne:
Hit the kitchen, mix a batch.

Daryl:
Feed the ducks.

Wayne:
Distribute some free literature.

Wayne:
It's a hard life picking stones and pulling teats, but sure as God's got sandals, it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails.

Katie:
Look, keep it at the end of the laneway, no degens on the property.

Wayne:
That's a Texas-sized 10-4.

Katie:
Over and out.

Daryl':
Think we should call The Ginger?

Wayne:
No.

Daryl:
Why not? He's tougher than hell.

Wayne:
Yeah, but.....like, you heard he fucked an ostrich, right?

Daryl:
....What?

Wayne:
He fucked an ostrich

Squirrelly Dan:
Allegedly.

Daryl:
How does a fella get caught up in that sort of business?

Wayne:
Well, I guess his cousin had an ostrich farm, when he thought it might be fun to fuck one.

Squirrelly Dan:
Allegedly!

Squirrelly Dan:
You appreciates my metaphors Miss Katy and that's what I appreciates about you.

Katy:
Oh, is that what you appreciate about me?

Wayne:
Let's take about five to ten percent off that, Squirrelly Dan.

Wayne:
You better settle down over there or I'm going to come talk to you.

Daryl:
You know what, there's two things about you that I don't like - and it's your face!

Wayne:
There's one thing about your own face you're not going to like, and that's when I come give it the beats!

Gail:
(in the context of a conversation about Boots) You guys ever hear anything about that guy fucking an ostrich?

Wayne:
No, it was The Ginger that fucked an ostrich.

Squirrelly Dan:
Allegedly.

Gail:
It would take more than one person to fuck an ostrich.

Wayne:
We've heard it was a sick ostrich.

Gail:
Well, it would take two guys to fuck an ostrich. Three, even.

Wayne:
Again, we're hearing it was a sick ostrich.

Gail:
Still, it's a three-man job to fuck one.

Wayne:
Agricultural Halls are for agricultural music, not for fuckin' raves!

McMurray:
Well, that's no way to get your communication badge, Boy Scout.

Stewart:
Yes, there will be MDMA at my rave at the Ag Hall. There will be MDMA, DMT, PCP, LSD, LED and probably UFC. But+ I'm clean and sober.

Wayne:
You are spare parts, aren't you, bud?

Tanis:
If they fucked an ostrich, what else have they fucked?

Wayne:
Just the Ginger fucked an ostrich.

Squirrelly Dan:
Allegedly.