Making Fiends

Mr. Milk:
Uh... Charlotte, what did you bring to show and tell?

Charlotte:
This is Buttons. He's my hamster. He's my favorite hamster in the whole world. And I also have this. It's a pretty rock. Vendetta gave it to me.

Vendetta:
I threw it at you!

Charlotte:
Vendetta is soooo nice!

Charlotte:
We'd better get back to class. [singing] Monkeys stay up late- [Vendetta throws clam ice cream at Charlotte.] Oh! Thanks, Vendetta! I just know we're going to be friends forever and ever! [singing] Monkeys never wait for buses, 'cause they have nowhere to be!

Vendetta:
Ah! What are you doing? Stop that!

Charlotte:
Whee! Ooh, hi Vendetta! Would you like to slide with me?

Vendetta:
How dare you ask me to slide? I do not slide!

Charlotte:
Oh, okay. Let's pretend to be administrators instead!

Vendetta:
No!

Charlotte:
Or sausage makers?

Vendetta:
No!

Charlotte:
Or postal clerks?

Vendetta:
No!

Charlotte:
[grabs the present and reads the note] "Dear stupid girl..." That's me! "Here's a new friend for you to play with. A very good friend indeed. Heh heh heh, yours fatally, Vendetta."

Vendetta:
Heh heh heh, I scored mostly evil!

Charlotte:
Oh! A magazine quiz! [takes the magazine and starts doing the quiz]

Vendetta:
Stop it! Magazines are not for stupid people like you! Give it back!

Charlotte:
Oh! That was fun. I scored super evil! Yippee!

Vendetta:
Impossible! Give me that! [takes the magazine] I cannot believe it! But if you cannot trust a magazine quiz... what can you trust?

Charlotte:
[sees a butterfly] Oh, pretty!

Vendetta:
What are you doing? Are you making a fiend?

Charlotte:
No, I'm baking cookies! Yum!

Vendetta:
Poison cookies?

Charlotte:
No.

Vendetta:
Exploding cookies?

Charlotte:
Butter cookies!

Vendetta:
Will you lure people into traps with them?

Charlotte:
I'm going to give them to everyone as presents. [accidentally splatters cookie batter onto Vendetta] Everyone loves cookies!

Vendetta:
[wipes off batter] I hate cookies.

Vendetta:
Yes! Everyone must obey the triangle of tastiness!

Charlotte:
But what about vegetables?

Vendetta:
Pah! What about them?

Charlotte:
They should be on the menu too, because they're so healthy and delicious! [singing] Eat vegetables with every meal-- [Vendetta throws a grape punch carton at her]

Vendetta:
That is what I think of your vegetables, you stupid blue girl! [walks away]

Charlotte:
I think she's really going to like vegetables! Teehee!

Charlotte:
Grandma! Do you have any cookbooks?

Charlene:
Cookbooks? I love cookbooks! They have so many pretty pictures and nice recipes! What kind do you need?

Charlotte:
I want to make lunch for my friend Vendetta. But she only likes clams, beef jerky and grape punch.

Charlene:
Yum!

Charlotte:
I know! But I think she should like vegetables, too.

Charlene:
Well, of course she should! Let's see here. I have a cookbook or two that might help you out [reveals a big shelf with cookbooks and reads some of the book's titles] Pickling potatoes, Clam cabaret, Exquisite squids... Oh! Here we are!

Charlotte:
Concealing carrots. Perfect!

Toupee fiend:
Ms. Helga, what a charming dress. Wow!

Ms. Helga:
[giggles] Mr. Milk, you're terrible.

Toupee fiend:
What do you want more than anything else?

Mr. Milk:
I've always wanted to work at a bank...

Toupee fiend:
I can help you with that! I could even help you become the best kind of banker of all. A Swiss banker!

Charlotte:
Oh, hi Vendetta! Don't you just love your pretty new hat? It matches your pretty new purse!

Vendetta:
I do not have a purse.

Charlotte:
Yes you do! [gestures towards the purse] It matches your pretty new lipgloss!

Vendetta:
No! Do not touch my lips! [Charlotte pulls out a paintbrush] My lips are not to be glossy!

Charlotte:
[paints a smile on the statue] Yay! Teehee! [swings on the statue's elbow then sings] Pretty pretty pretty, Vendetty-ditty-ditty.

Charlotte:
Hi Vendetta! Are you hiding Easter eggs? [gasps] Can I play?

Vendetta:
No! I am hatching my pigeon fiends, which will climb up this ladder and explode you! [the eggs hatch] What are you waiting for, pigeon fiends? Explode her! [pigeon fiends come closer to Vendetta] Attack! Attack her, you stupid pigeons! Ahhh! Why are you coming closer? Do not come any closer? Shoo! Go away! Go away!

Charlotte:
[slides down ladder] How cute! They think you're their mommy!

Vendetta:
What!? I am not their mommy! Why would they think such a stupid thing!?

Charlotte:
Because you hatched them with your love! They want to love you back!

Vendetta:
Your talk of love makes me sick!

Vendetta:
No, I want to be bigger!

Charlotte:
But Vendetta, you don't need to be bigger, you already have the biggest heart.

Charlotte:
[sighs] You're so lucky. I wish my parents could be here.

Vendetta:
Why? Where are your parents?

Charlotte:
They're in a better place...up there. [Pointing up]

Vendetta:
Were they eaten by bears?

Vendetta:
The moment Charlotte sings, the fiend will get angry. And when he gets angry... [She turns on Mr. Milk's radio that starts playing a song.]

Female Voice on Radio:
Why not keep a weasel in your pocket

Fiend:
No singing! AAAAARGH!!! [He raises his giant mallet and crushes the radio to kingdom come.]

Vendetta:
He will crush her! Crush her and her hats! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Vendetta:
You are wasting my fiend. Sing!

Charlotte:
But Vendetta, what can I do if a kitty is stranded up high and I want to get it down?

Vendetta:
You could shoot it... with a water gun. Or you could throw puppies at it until it loses its grip. Or you could do nothing. I am sure that the kitten will get weak with hunger and fall down all by itself.

[Grudge and the crush fiend nod their heads at each other suspiciously as Charlotte begins to cry.]

Vendetta:
Ugh!

Charlotte:
[plays the tuba] I am playing a tuba! Yay! It sounds like hugs sliding down from rainbows!

Vendetta:
I warn you! Stay away from Clamberg!

Marvin:
My cocoa! [Rick gives his cocoa to him] Thanks, Rick. What's next?

Charlotte:
Oo! It's the last thing on the list! "Number 27: Destroy Charlotte." [Marvin spits out his cocoa] Teehee! That sounds easy enough! Maybe I could be attacked by wolverines!

Marvin:
Uh.

Charlotte:
Or how about if I was catapulted to the moon!

Marvin:
My budget won't...

Charlotte:
I know! I could dress up like a fly! [gasp] No! Wait! Wait! Butterflies are prettier! I'll be a butterfly that gets hit by a piano!

Marvin:
Uh. Okay.

Charlotte:
This is going to be fun! If it works, Vendetta will be so happy, I think she'll promote us both. Yippee!

[as Charlotte gets ready to be defeated]

Marvin:
Are you sure you want to-

Charlotte:
Come on! It'll be fuuuun!

Marvin:
Alriiiight..

Violetta:
We love you, Vendetta.

Vendetta:
Do not make me angry!

Charlotte:
Oh no! It's going to rain on our parade! We will have to call of the kite flying contest.

Vendetta:
[sarcastically] My heart is breaking.

Vendetta:
Electrocution will be perfect! We should fly a kite!

Charlotte:
But what about the extreme danger?

Vendetta:
What about extreme fun?

Charlotte:
This hole in the floor looks like it could take you all the way to Canada!

Marion:
No! I mean- I mean it's for my new hot tub.

Charlotte:
Look at this pretty picture of Vendetta! But why is there an ugly red line over her face?

Vendetta:
[after Hamster returned home] Where have you been? Can you not do anything right? How dare you go have fun when I suffer?

Vendetta:
[wakes up and screams from her dream] Oh, it was only a stupid dream.

Charlotte:
Sandwich? Teehee.

Vendetta:
NOOOOOOOO!!!

Vendetta:
NO! I do not make ponies!

Charlotte:
But you make things all the time! You made a pet for Malachi! [points to the fiend licking Malachi]

Vendetta:
That is true. Perhaps, you do deserve a pony. A very special pony. Meet me tomorrow in the park and I will give you a pony that you will not forget.

[last lines of the series]

Mr. Milk:
Thank you for saving us, uh, Vendetta.

Marion:
Yes, I'm glad that you left-

Vendetta:
Leave me alone, or I will call my fiend back! [everyone runs away and Vendetta laughs evilly]