over the garden wall

Narrator:
Somewhere lost in the clouded annals of history lies a place that few have seen—a mysterious place called the Unknown, where long forgotten stories are revealed to those who travel through the wood.

Wirt:
[sees Woodsman off] Shoot. Y-you think we should've asked him for help? [Greg shrugs]

Bird:
Maybe I can help you. I mean, you guys are lost, right? [Wirt gasps, slaps his face]

Wirt:
What in the world is going on?

Gregory:
Well, you're slapping yourself, and I'm answering your question, and—

Wirt:
No, Greg, a-a bird's brain isn't big enough for cognizant speech.

Bird:
Hey, what was that?

Wirt:
I mean, I-I'm just saying, you're-you're weird. Like, not normal. I-I mean... oh my gosh, stop talking to it, Wirt.

Bird:
It?

Wirt:
Uh, I-I-I'm—

Woodsman:
[appears suddenly] What're you doing here?! Explain yourselves!

Bird:
[flies off] Aaand I'll see you guys later, bye.

Wirt:
Calm, calm down, mister! Wh-whatever you do here is your business! W-w-we just wanna get home with all our legs and arms attached!

Woodsman:
These woods are no place for children! Don't you know the Beast is afoot here?!

Wirt:
The Beast? W-w-we-we-we don't know anything about that! W-we're just two lost kids trying to get home!

Woodsman:
Well, welcome to the Unknown, boys. You're more lost than you realize.

Woodsman:
The mill is destroyed... the oil! All gone!

Wirt:
But look! We, w-we got the beast problem solved. [points at the dog]

Woodsman:
That dog?! That is NOT the Beast! The Beast cannot be mollified like some farmer's pet! He stalks like the night. He sings like the Four Winds. He is the Death of Hope! He steals their children and he'll... ruin... [mumbles]

Wirt:
You're always messing up, Greg.

Woodsman:
Boy! You have it backwards! You are the elder child! You are responsible for you and your brother's actions!

[Greg finds the talking female bird trapped in bramble in a bush]

Beatrice:
Oh, it's you again. I'm stuck. Help me out of here, and I'll owe you a favor.

Greg:
Whoa! I get a wish?

Beatrice:
No, no. no. Not a wish. I'm not magical. I'll just do you a good turn.

Greg:
Can you turn me into a tiger?

Beatrice:
Um, no. I just said I'm not magical.

Greg:
It doesn't have to be a magical tiger.

Beatrice:
You guys find this place as creepy as I do, right?

Wirt:
So it's some kind of weird cult they wear vegetable costumes and dance around a big thing. They seem nice enough.

Beatrice:
Okay, you're in denial. That's fine. But I'm just saying, something feels off about this place.

[Wirt and Greg are confronted by the large sentient pumpkin called Enoch]

Enoch:
Now, let's see here, boys. How'd you end up in this little town of ours?

Wirt:
Well, we were trying to get home. We came into town from the woods. Uh, we saw your farms and your houses and thought, "Hey! Here's a normal place with normal people."

Greg:
And we both stepped on pumpkins!

Wirt:
Yeah, a-and then we heard the music from the barn, and, well, uh... H-how about we just leave?

Enoch:
Now let me get this straight. You come to our town, you trample our crops, you interrupt our private engagement... and now you want to leave?

Wirt:
[nervously] Uh... yes.

Greg:
You'll never convict! You have no proof! [the Elder Pumpkin holds Beatrice in his straw hands]

Elder Pumpkin:
This one's trying to escape!

Beatrice:
Let me go! I don't know these clowns!

Enoch:
Children, it saddens me that you don't wish to stay here with us, particularly because I simply have to punish you for your transgressions.

Beatrice:
I told you this place was bad news!

Enoch:
So by order of the Pottsfield chamber of commerce, I find you guilty of trespassing, destruction of property, [lowers itself down to approach Wirt and Greg closely] disturbing the peace, [darkly] and murder.

Wirt:
[shocked] Murder?!

Enoch:
[chuckles] Oh, no, not murder. But for those other crimes, I sentence you to... a few hours of manual labor.

Wirt:
[surprised] Wait, what? Really? That's it?

Greg:
[singing] Oh, potatoes and molasses

Mr. Langtree:
[bursting into the room] That's enough!

The Tavern Keeper:
Well, hey there Peach Pot. Whatcha doing around--hey, what's that bird you got there?

Wirt:
It's a--

Beatrice:
I am Beatrice! These two sweet kids and I got a bit lost in the--

The Tavern Keeper:
No birds allowed in my tavern!

Beatrice:
No birds allowed in your--

The Tavern Keeper:
It's a bad omen when a bluebird enters through your door. It's bad luck!

Beatrice:
Lady, bluebirds are good luck! We bring joy and happiness to the--[screams]

The Tavern Keeper:
Good luck, bad luck--I don't need any of it!

Beatrice:
Curse you, lady! Curse you! You'll die someday, and I'll laugh--laugh! Ha Ha Ha!

Beatrice:
Forget this. I'm out of here. Wirt, you get directions.

Wirt:
W-wait, No. I don't want to--

Beatrice:
Just do it!

Wirt:
Wait, wait, wait! Lantern? The Woodsman was the guy with the weird lantern, not the Beast.

The Tavern Keeper:
Pilgrim, He who carries the Dark Lantern must be the Beast.

Wirt:
What? No, The Woodsman's a good guy. He warned us of the Beast and told us which direction to go to avoid him.

The Tavern Keeper:
And now you're more lost than ever, huh?

Wirt:
Oh... yeah--hey, can you give us some directions? Our friend Beatrice is trying to take us to Adelaide of the Pasture, the Good Woman of the Woods. She can help us get home.

Fred (the horse):
Nice to horse your acquaintance!

Beatrice:
You can talk?

Wirt:
Um, Beatrice, w-why are you pretending I'm this guy's nephew?

Beatrice:
We need money.

Wirt:
You're scamming him?

Beatrice:
I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him.

Wirt:
What? No way.

Beatrice:
Why not? We already stole a horse.

Fred:
Hey, guys.

Wirt:
No, we didn't. Fred's a talking horse. He can do whatever he wants.

Fred:
I want to steal.

Wirt:
But, well, I-I have this crush on this girl.

Beatrice:
Mmm-hmm.

Wirt:
That's all.

Beatrice:
That's all?

Wirt:
And I think about her lot, and I play clarinet.

Beatrice:
Wirt! You've got to be kidding me.

Wirt:
And I secretly whisper poetry to myself in my room at night.

Beatrice:
Wirt, That stuff's not weird. Those are just--[sighs]--well, the poetry thing is weird.

Greg:
[singing] Oh, we're going to the Pasture to meet Adelaide and ask her if she has a way to send us back where we came from.

Wirt:
[singing] But as for where she is, she is where we will go.

Both:
To Adelaide, to Adelaide. C'mon and join the Adelaide Parade. Adelaide, To Adelaide. We're going to Adelaide's house today.

Wirt:
Boy. Finally going home.

Greg:
Wirt, drum me!

Wirt:
Okay.

Greg:
[open his eyes] Are we good?

Wirt:
[breathes deeply] I think so.

Beatrice:
Wirt, sometimes you have to face your problems. Turn yourself in and get kicked off this boat.

Wirt:
Oh no. Beatrice, I'm too young to go to frog jail. [Whimpers]

Greg:
Hey, why don't you play the bassoon?

Wirt:
That'll get us kicked off this boat for sure.

Beatrice:
[Gasps in shock] No, Greg's right. You should play it. Go ahead. You'll do fine. You play instruments, right?

Wirt:
Yeah, but bassoon and clarinet are way different.

Beatrice:
Adelaide, we need to talk.

Adelaide:
Did you bring me what I asked for?

Beatrice:
I found two brothers lost in the woods, but I can't give them to you, Adelaide. They need to go home.

Adelaide:
Nonsense! I'll give them a wonderful home here.

Beatrice:
That's what you said, but--

Adelaide:
Can't you see I'm sick and helpless? [Imitating coughing] Ah-choo! I'm all alone in the world. I want a child servant.

Beatrice:
Servant? I thought you just wanted some yard work done.

Adelaide:
Our arrangement was for you to bring me a child servant and then I give you the scissors... To snip, snip, snip your family's wings away to make them human again.

Beatrice:
What if I became your servant?

Adelaide:
Ha! I need a big strong child!

Beatrice:
You can turn me into a human, can you?

Adelaide:
Oh yes--scissors!

Beatrice:
Yeah. yeah. So give me the scissors. I'll go help my family. [Gasps] Wirt!

Adelaide:
Close the door! I'll catch my death of cold!

Wirt:
What's going on?

Wirt:
All along, you've been leading us to this crazy lady?

Adelaide:
I do as he commands--the voice of the night, the Beast of eternal darkness.

Adelaide:
What are you doing? Ohh!

Beatrice:
Wirt? Greg?

Beatrice:
Greg! Wirt! It wasn't what it looks like! I was just--[starts to cry]--please come back! Oh.

Wirt:
Hmm.

Greg:
Wirt, what about Beatrice?

Wirt:
Hmm, I shouldn't trusted anyone.

Auntie Whispers:
[rings the magic bell to Lorna] The ringing of the bell commands you!

[Wirt, Greg and Lorna run and hide in the closet from Auntie Whispers]

Auntie Whispers:
Come out before it is too late! Unlock this door. She will devour you.

Wirt:
What is she talking about? [Wirt and Greg notices Lorna transformed into a wicked ghoul, floating above them. They both scream in terror]

Wicked Lorna:
More bones to sort.

Wirt & Greg:
NOOO!!

Auntie Whispers:
I told you boys to stay away from her, but now you've gone and made her wicked again.

Greg:
Ho-ho! For some reason, I thought that old lady was the people eater, but it was Lorna all along! It just goes to show you stuff. Now I have a plan that'll--

[Wirt puts his hands on Greg's mouth. He jumps through the wooden window with Greg and his frog]

Greg:
Ho-ho! Your plan was better!

[after leaving Lorna and Auntie Whispers into the dark woods]

Gregory:
Wow, Wirt! You saved the day twice today!

Wirt:
Yeah, I guess. But so what? We're still not any closer to getting home. I just don't know what I'm doing out here anymore. I don't know if we'll ever get back home.

Gregory:
Sure we will! What can stop us? You got a plan, remember?

Wirt:
I lied.

Gregory:
Aw, come on! Let's go, captain! Lead the way! You can do it! [Wirt sighs; the Beast watches them]

Beast:
Yes, yes. All hope will soon be lost. [turns to the Woodsman] We're lucky the boy had the pluck to best you. Your play could have cost us both. [hovers over the Woodsman] Don't you care about keeping the lantern lit? Don't you care about your daughter's soul?

Woodsman:
One cannot trade the souls of children as if they were tokens! There has to be another way.

Beast:
No. There is only me. There is only my way. There is only the forest, and there is only surrender.

Cloud City Reception Comitee:
So, what brings you to Cloud City?

Greg:
Well, I'm supposed to be a leader, but I don't know how.

Cloud City Reception Comitee:
Why don't you lead our band in a song?

Greg:
Okay.

Beatrice:
Wirt!

Greg:
Wirt! Wirt?

Wirt:
Greg?

Beatrice:
Wirt, are you okay? Wirt!

Wirt:
Greg? I-I-I--

Beatrice:
Where's Greg, Wirt?

Wirt:
Beatrice? [Breathing and groans]

Beatrice:
[calling] Wirt. Wirt!

Greg:
Hey, Wirt, whatcha doing?

Wirt:
Nothing.

Greg:
I was helping old lady Daniels rake some leaves in exchange for candy.

Wirt:
Greg, it's Halloween. Candy is free.

Kathleen:
Oh, look at you. What are you supposed to be?

Greg:
It's an elephant costume. [Starts trumpeting] Phbt! See my trunk?

Sara:
Uh... you can let go of my hand now.

Jason Funderberker:
Oh... yeah.

Kid:
You could hold my hand, Funderberker. I don't care.

Kid:
Hey, isn't that Wirt's little brother?

Greg:
No. I'm the headless elephant. [Starts to trumpeting]

Beast:
Did you fetch for me the Golden Comb?

Greg:
Will that work?

Beast:
This is a honeycomb.

Greg:
Golden comb of honey. [Giggles]

Beatrice:
Greg! Oh! [Whimpers] Oh! [Howls] Greg!

Greg:
Huh?

Beast:
Never mind that, Gregory. You've brought me the first two items--a golden comb and a spoon of silver thread.

Wirt:
What the... Beatrice?

Beatrice:
Wirt!

Wirt:
Beatrice! What are you doing out there?

Beatrice:
I saw Greg!

Wirt:
What?

Beatrice:
I saw Greg. He was w-with someone.

Wirt:
Wait. that's dumb.

Beast:
What?

Wirt:
That's dumb. I'm not just gonna just wander around in the woods for the rest of my life.

Beast:
I'm trying to help you.

Wirt:
You're not trying to help me. You just have some weird obsession with keeping this lantern lit. It's almost like your soul is in this lantern.

Beast:
Are you ready to see true darkness?

Wirt:
[Scared in a small squeaky voice] Are y-[Clears his throat, becoming serious] Are you?

Beast:
[Panicked] DON'T!!! DON'T!!!!

Beatrice:
Wirt...

Wirt:
Come with us.

Beatrice:
I--I got to go home, too, admit to my family it's my fault they're bluebirds.

Beatrice:
What?

Wirt:
The scissors that'll make your family human again.

Beatrice:
You had them all along!

Wirt:
I-I used them to escape Adelaide, and then--then... yeah, I-I was sort of mad at you.

Beatrice:
[tearfully] Oh, you... wonderful mistake of nature!

Beast:
You see, Woodsman? All who perish here will become trees for the lantern. Cut them down with your ax. Go! Now!

Woodsman:
NO!! [He swings the lantern showing the beast in full color for a fraction of a second. The Woodsman opens the latern]

Beast:
STOP! You'll never see your daughter again Woodsman! Are you really ready to go back to that empty house? [The Woodsman sheds a tear as he realizes this might be true, then angrily raises the lantern and inhales] NO! WOODSMAN!!! [The Woodsman blows out the lantern, killing the beast]

Beatrice:
[singing] One is a bird Two are the trees Three is the wind of the leaves Four are the stars Five with the moon

Wirt:
Our frog.

Greg:
Our frog!

Jason Funderberker:
Our frog?