Pac-Man

[The ghosts invade the Yellow House]

Pac-President:
What is the meaning of this?

Sue:
It's quite simple Mr. President, you're being pac-napped.

Inky:
Yeah, how does that grab you? [Chomps the Pac-President]

Pac-Man:
[after he crashes to the ground] Next time I take a ride like that, I'm bringing a parachute!

Clyde:
There aint going to be any next time Pac-Man, cause we're gonna chomp all over you!

[Ms. Pac-Man arrives]

Ms. Pepper Pac-Man:
That's what you think, creepos!

Sue:
It's Ms. Pac-Man!

Pepper:
[patting Pac-Man's head] Are you alright, Packy darling?

Pac-Man:
Well, I was feeling a bit run down, but now that you're here Pepper, I'm feeling much better!

Clyde:
Good, now we can chomp both o' yous!

Pepper:
I wouldn't be too sure about that!

[Returning to headquarters after being chomped by Pac-Man]

Pinky:
Hi-ya boss, you'll never guess how we messed up this time.!

Mezmeron:
I don't have to guess, I saw it all! On my Pac-Land spy satellite.

Pinky:
[Laughing] Oh, me on TV? How did I look Mezmeron?

Mezmeron:
Shut up!

Clyde:
Were taking you for a little ride! [laughs evilly] and if you don't tell us were the power forest is, Pinky lets go!

Blinky:
Oh, if Pinky lets go what happens to us? [sobs]

Clyde:
Don't ask dumb questions!

Inky:
[he is cooking pancakes that look like Pac-Man] Hey Clyde, how about a barbequed Pac-Pancake? They look just like Pac-Man. [eats one] Only they don't taste as good as he does.

Clyde:
No thanks. I like chomping on the real thing. [a Frisbee fly's in his face] I said I don't want no pancake!

Blinky:
That ain't no pancake Clyde! It's a flying dog set. A slying fog set. Its a...

Sue:
You silly jerks. This is a frisbee.

Mezmeron:
Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?

Clyde:
You're gonna be proud of us boss. We found the Power Forest for you!

Mezmeron:
Where is it?

Clyde:
Tell him Inky! [pulls Inky in front of the line]

Inky:
Uh, tell him Pinky. [pulls Pinky in front of the line]

Pinky:
Tell him Blinky. [pulls Blinky in front of the line]

Blinky:
Uh, uh, I wasn't watching. I thought you guys were watching!

Inky:
I wasn't watching. Were you watching?

Pinky:
Not me, I thought you were watching.

Mezmeron:
SHUT UP, YOU FOOLS!

Inky:
[Wearing a baseball glove suit] Hey Clyde, how do you like my new suit? Fits me like a glove, huh?

Clyde:
That is a glove Inky!

Inky:
Oh, so it is. And here I thought my brains were growing.

Pac-Man:
Oh no! Pepper's back. If she finds out I lost Pac-Baby, I'm in big trouble.

[Pac-Man's teeth chatters as Chomp-Chomp the dog starts chewing on Pac-Man's foot]

Pac-Man:
Don't bother me Chomp-Chomp! I got to find a baby!

Pepper:
Did I hear Pac-Baby call? You didn't let him wonder in the yard and catch cold, did you?

Pac-Man:
Of course not dear. That was me. I sneezed.

Pinky:
Duh, the stadium's just around the bend, Clyde!

Clyde:
Good! Messin' up Pacland's World Series is gonna be almost as much fun as chompin' Pac-Man!

Parking Attendant:
Hey, you can't come in here! No Ghosts allowed!

Sue:
Inky, show the nice man our special pass!

Inky:
It's in here, see? [points to his own mouth as he opens it wide; the Parking Attendant leans in, peering down Inky's throat; of course, Inky snaps his jaws shut in a vicious chomp, practically chomping the luckless Pac in half; as he withers and deflates and sags listlessly over the counter of his kiosk, the Ghost Monsters head into the stadium for more chomping]

Sue:
I've got to get out of here before I get caught! [runs into Pac-Man's baseball glove]

Pac-Man:
You just did! [throws her to Ms. Pepper Pac-Man for the chomp]

Pac-Man:
Come on, Ghost face! Put one over me!

Pinky:
He'll never hit my cyclone-ball. [winds up, and throws the ball away from the plate]

Sue:
Strike one!

Pac-Man:
Whaaat?!

Sue:
Oh, talking back to the umpire huh? Make that strike two!

Pepper:
Go Packy, GO!

Pepper:
What's up Packy?

Pac-Man:
Ahhh! Oh, its only you Pepper.

Pepper:
What have you got in the sack, Pac?

Pac-Man:
Shh. There super powered power pellet seeds.

Pepper:
Super powered power pellet seeds?

Pac-Man:
Shh! If Mezmeron and his Ghost Monsters ever found these, they could grow there own super powered power pellet forest.

Pepper:
Oh my!

Ms. Pac:
What's the rush, Packy?

Pac-Man:
Uh, we've got company for lunch.

Ms. Pac:
Oh, but there aren't enough power pellets.

Pac-Man:
No problem. They don't wanna eat with us - they just wanna eat us!

Clyde:
That's right! And don't bother settin' the table - we're just gonna chomp and run! [Clyde chomps Pac-Man, who collapses onto the floor in a helpless lump]

Pac-Man:
Oh, whoa... I feel dizzy...

Mezmeron:
I don't care if you mess things up again. You've been replaced.

[The floating eyes of the ghosts start crying]

Mezmeron:
Stop your blubbering and get into something dry!

Pacula:
I want to chomp your bones!

Blinky:
We aint got no phones...I mean bones. Were ghosts! Ghosts aint got no bones!

[In the form of a bat, Pacula flits into a car between two Pac-teens who are are watching a drive-in movie. The boy runs off in terror as Pacula changes to his frightening vampire form, but the girl is so engrossed in the movie that she doesn't notice that it's no longer her boyfriend sitting beside her.]

Pacula:
Good evening! I want to chomp your bones!

Drive-in Girl:
[waving him off, oblivious] Not now, Frankie! I'm watching the movie!

Pacula:
[opening mouth eagerly] Hiss!

[The girl peers over nervously and finally sees Pacula.]

Drive-in Girl:
Eeeeeeeeeek!

[Pacula cuts off her horrified shriek by snapping his jaws shut in a big chomp, draining her energy and leaving her listless.]

Pac-Man:
Uh, trick or treat.

[Morris puts one power pellet in Pac-Man's sack]

Pac-Man:
Only one?

Morris:
You know your right. [takes the power pellet back] You are a bit old to be trick or treating.

[Ghost monsters knock on door and Morris answers]

Ghosts:
Trick or chomp!

Morris:
Aw, isn't that cute? You kids look just like the ghost monsters.

Clyde:
Wrong, pac-dunce. We are the ghost monsters!

[Ghosts chomp Morris, who falls in a daze]

Clyde:
We're gonna chomp, chomp, chomp...

Pinky:
On your bones, bones, bones.

Inky:
We're gonna laugh "ha-ha"...

Sue:
At your groans, groans, groans!

Pac-Baby:
Da-da, twick or tweat!

Pac-Man:
What?

Pac-Baby:
Twick or tweat, Da-da!

Pac-Man:
Trick or...? Of course! We can eat the treats!

Pepper:
And give those Ghost Monsters a trick!

Clyde:
Wait a minute, we don't need no power forest.

Sue:
He's right. Now that were Super Ghosts, we don't need to follow Mezmeron's orders.

[Mezmeron hears this on his computer screen]

Mezmeron:
Why you muteness little monsters! You better follow my orders or I'll.....

Inky:
Aw shut up egghead! Who asked you!

[While chased by the Super Ghosts, Pac-Man and Ms. Pac are separated. Packy plops into a water fountain, and Pepper is caught and held by Super Sue.]

Sue:
Well, Ms. Pac-Man, looks like this time I'm the chompor and you're the chompee!

[Sue chomps Pepper, who faints. Packy reacts to seeing his wife getting chomped.]

Pac-Man:
Oh yeah? Nobody chomps my Pepper and gets away with it!

[Pac-Man rushes forth.]

Clyde:
Nobody but the Super Ghost Monsters!

[Clyde freezes the wet Pac-Man in place with a blast of super cold breath. Inky approaches.]

Inky:
Ooh, a pac-sicle!

[Inky grabs Packy's leg and chomps down on it.]

Pepper:
[chasing Sue as Super Ms. Pac-Man] Super Sue, I'll catch you!

[Sue screams and Pepper chomps her]

Blinky:
Why do I always have to do the dangerous stuff?

Sue:
[hugs Blinky] Would you please do it, for little Sue?

Blinky:
And if I don't?

Sue:
I'LL CHOMP YOUR FACE OFF!

[The ghosts chase Mr. and Ms. Pac-Man]

Sue:
Roses are red...

Clyde:
Pac-Man is yella...

Pinky:
Lets open wide...

Inky:
And chomp on that fella!

[The pacs are running as fast as they can. Pac-Man is in the rear, looking back with worry.]

Pac-Man:
C'mon, step on it, Pepper! They're right behind us!

[Ms. Pac is startled and skids to a halt, and Pac-Man crashes into her. They plop to the ground, and now Pac-Man sees that the ghosts have surrounded them.]

Ms. Pac:
And they're right in front of us, too!

[The ghost monsters close in and chomp them silly.]

Inky:
Gosh, there ain't no hiding places around here, nowhere. I know. [he pulls a door out from his ghost suit, sets it down, opens it, enters and closes it]

Pac-Man:
[comes up to the door and knocks] Knock knock.

Inky:
Who's there?

Pac-Man:
Chomp.

Inky:
Chomp who?

Pac-Man:
Chomp you! [opens door]

[Inky screams as Pac-Man chomps him]

Blinky:
Please have mercy on me!

Pac-Man:
I'll do better than that - I'll have mustard on you! [squirts mustard on Blinky and chomps him]

[The ghosts are digging a tunnel under Pacland to find the power forest, and they come across...]

Blinky:
Look, roots!

Inky:
Oh boy! Lets make some "root" beer!

Clyde:
This ain't no time for soda, jerk!

[Pac-Man falls into an underground tunnel dug by the ghost monsters.]

Mezmaron:
Its Pac-Man! Get him!

Pac-Man:
Well, excuuuuuse me!

[Pac-Man zips off, and the ghosts chase him.]

Clyde:
Little Pac-Man had to scram...

Pinky:
So he would not get whomped.

Sue:
But everywhere that Packy ran...

Inky:
The ghost monsters chomped and chomped!

[The ghosts overtake Pac-Man, and Clyde gives him a big crunch. Woozy and weak, the chomped Pac-Man wobbles on shaky legs and then falls, splatting to the ground on his belly.]

Inky:
Ha ha! We got 'im!

[The Cave Ghost Monsters confront Neander-Pac-Man, who has discovered a power-pellet tree but cannot discover any practical use for the power-pellets.]

Clyde:
Alright, Neander-nut, we got you now!

Sue:
Unh, start chomping!

[The 4 male Ghost Monsters prepare to chomp on Sue!]

Sue:
Not me, you fossil brains! We're supposed to chomp Neander-Pac-Man!

[The Ghost Monsters back down before chomping her.]

Inky:
Oh, that makes sense!

Neander-Pac-Man:
Hope you guys don't mind if I make a fast exit!

[Neander-Pac-Man runs for it.]

Blinky:
Him g-g-gettin' away!

Pinky:
Argh, let's get him!

[The Ghost Monsters chase Neander-Pac-Man and begin to cut off his escape routes. Clyde ambushes Neander-Pac-Man from ahead.]

Clyde:
Aaargh!

Neander-Pac-Man:
Uh oh! Better try this way!

[Neander-Pac-Man stops abruptly and runs the other way, but Pinky ambushes him from behind some rocks.]

Pinky:
Raawwrgh!

Neander-Pac-Man:
Yow! Wrong way!

[Neander-Pac-Man backs away and bumps against the trunk of the power-pellet tree. He is trapped and surrounded by the Ghost Monsters.]

Neander-Pac-Man:
HELLLLP!

[The Ghost Monsters pounce on Neander-Pac-Man and chomp him. When the crunching is done, Neander-Pac-Man stumbles dizzily for a moment before plopping to the ground in a helpless daze.]

Clyde:
Ha! We show him!

Blinky:
Yeah! We make world's first chomp! [Laughs.]

Pepper:
Oh gosh, isn't this exiting Packy? Me in the movies!

Pac-Man:
I don't know Pepper. There's something about "those guys" I don't like.

Clyde:
Go on Dinky, show that little Pac-Pip squeak who's boss!

Dinky:
[to Pac-Baby who is drinking his bottle] OK you! I'm going to chomp your baby bones.

Pac-Baby:
Goo goo ga goo. Don't count on it.

[Pac-Baby chomps Dinky]

[Dinky cries as his eyeballs float around]

Pac-Man:
Come on lets get out of here! [He and Pepper grab Pac-Baby and run away]

[Dinky crying, leaving a puddle of tears in the floor]

Clyde:
Some ghost monster you are!

Sue:
[puts a new ghost suit on Dinky] Aw give the kid a chance.

Clyde:
Come on fellows. Well make a ghost monster out of Dinky yet.

[Pinky has inflated to giant size and surprises Pac-Man and Ms. Pac.]

Pinky:
Fee Fie Foe Fomp, Pac-Man's gonna get a great big chomp!

[Pac-Man and Ms. Pac are on the run from the Ghost Monsters.]

Pac-Man:
Quick, hide behind that pink curtain!

[They zip behind the curtain, but it's not a curtain at all - it's the giant Pinky!]

Pinky:
Duh, looks like it's curtains for you two!

[Pinky pulls aside the lower portion of his sheet to expose the trapped Pacs, and Clyde, Inky, Blinky, and Sue pounce on them, chomping away. When the crunching is done, Packy and Pepper stumble dizzily and faint, flopping onto their backs.]

Pac-Man:
I feel much better!

Pepper:
Perhaps you haven't seen the bill.

[Pac-Man passes out, sobbing on a gurney where a nurse carts him away]

Ghosts:
[singing to the tune of the Toreador Song] We'll chomp old Pac-Man, chomp him day and night! You chomp his left side, we'll chomp his right!

Pac-Baby:
Ooh, look Mama! Big baby wear big diaper!

Pepper:
That's no big baby! That's a Pac-Mummy!

[Chasing the Pac-Family]

Clyde:
Down the hill...

Inky:
...and after that bum.

Pinky:
Look out Pac-Man...

Sue:
...cause here we come!

Ms. Pac:
Oh, what'll we do now? Without some power-pellets, those Ghost Monsters will chomp us for sure!

[Sue threatens Pac-Man]

Sue:
Prepare to be chomped, Pac-fink!

Sue:
C'mon, fellas, let's chomp him!

Sue:
C'mon, let's quit wasting time and chomp on his bones!

Pac-Man:
Well, you know what I always say - if you can't beat 'em, RUN!

Clyde:
Forget it Pac-Man! Your clever talk ain't going to get you out of this mess!

Pac-Man:
But wait, you don't understand! I'm not doing this for me. Just think of all the millions of deserving children around the world who wont get their Christmas presents, if you open your mouths instead of your hearts.

[Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Sue start to cry]

Clyde:
Ah, what a bunch of humbug.

Inky:
Aw! [sniffles] Give the guy a break Clyde!

Pinky:
Yeah! [sobs] Think of all the little kids Clyde!

Sue:
And the big kids too Clyde!

Clyde:
Alright already! [to Pac-Man] Just this once Pac-Man, but remember when Christmas is over we'll be back!

Pac-Man:
Aw thanks. You won't regret this.

Pac-Man:
[Handing out gifts] Inky, Pinky, Blinky, Clyde, Sue.

Clyde:
Why, I-I don't know what to say!

Pac-Baby:
How about "Thank you"?!

Ghost Monsters:
Th-th-th-th-th...Thank you!

Pac-Man:
Aww! Don't thank us, thank Santa Claus.

Santa:
[Skyward in his sleigh] Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hooo! Merry Christmas to all. And to all a good chomp!