Party Down, Season 2

Jackal:
I want to be called Dennis.

Vanna:
I'm a terrible liar.

Henry:
It's not lying, it's... acting. Look, I was an actor; it's easy. You just use the true bits and you fake the fake bits.

Vanna:
And... that's acting?

Henry:
Most actors aren't bright, so it has to be simple.

Lydia:
Death is not the end, I can tell you that one for sure. When my friend Peg's fiancée got shot, he haunted her apartment.

Kyle:
Woah, he got shot?

Lydia:
Hunting accident. Yeah. Randy had this t-shirt with a big eagle on it, and he came through the bushes, and Peg just... [imitates shotgun firing]

Ron:
...There's an eagle season?

Lydia:
Duck. But, you know, you see wings, you just react. But let me tell you something: Randy haunted her plumbing until she had to move to a different unit. [shivers]

Casey:
[affectionately] You are a runty little puppy.

Henry:
Thanks.

Howard:
And this must be Casey Kleinberg.

Casey:
Klein.

Howard:
[to his fiancee Constance] Boy, you weren't kiddin' about those cans!

Nick:
You ever been to an orgy?

Lydia:
Can't say that I have.

Nick:
Me neither it looks like.

Lydia:
Aw, it's early. A few drinks, people will warm up. Ed, my ex, well, get a couple of beers in that guy and he'd just start yelling for me to make out with my friend Peg.

Nick:
Did you ever do that?

Lydia:
Gosh, no. Well, I mean, after my divorce. But, it was special.

Casey:
What is all this shit? Is this what guys like? Sex as a faceless party game?

Lydia:
Uh, I think so. What do you think of Nick?

Casey:
The host?

Lydia:
Yes.

Casey:
No, really?

Lydia:
Yes! What do you mean? Single, lawyer, big house.

Casey:
He's into anonymous cheap sex...

Lydia:
Casey, men aren't like us. To them, sex is a big deal...like sports or...flags.

Garlan:
[taunting] This is it, dog. This is it, bro. Come on, you think you got what it takes? [Garlan's opponent shoots and misses] You don't! HORSE motherfucker!

Garlan:
You dickless weenis!

Danielle:
Biggest my dad ever freaked out was when he found pot in my room.

Ron:
You smoke pot?

Danielle:
No. I quit. I mean, I'm trying to quit. I am stoned right now, but just a tiny bit.

Bolus:
I hear you may join us at the main office.

Henry:
Oh...

Bolus:
Capital of North Dakota?

Henry:
What?

Bolus:
Bismarck! Bone up on your trivia. We're a crazy bunch over there.

Ron:
[laughing] Ah, trivia. What's green and falls up?

Bolus:
That's not trivia.

Ron:
What don't you understand? It's crystal clear. Ron Donald Do's, okay? The 4 P's and 1 B. Politeness, Professionalism, Perfectionism, Proactive, Be on time.

Roman:
I have a proactive suggestion. [goes to white board]

Kyle:
You-you know what, I think we get the system.

Ron:
Okay, then what don't you understand, Kyle? [to Roman] What are you doing? Don't do that. Don't—

Roman:
"Punctuality."

Ron:
What? No! Don't do that!

Roman:
Now it's 5 P's.

Ron:
No! I already have 4 P's. That's an RDD.

Roman:
That's a Ron Donald Do?

Ron:
No, a Ron Donald Don'ts. "Failure to politeness."

Roman:
This is so confusing, Ron.

Kyle:
You know what I don't get? Who says you get to be boss?

Ron:
I do. As boss I have that authority.

Kyle:
You can't do that.

Ron:
Yeah, I can, and I did.

Kyle:
Okay, well, hey guys, guess what? I'm the boss now.

Ron:
You can't do that because you're not the boss. You know, can I finish please? Three RDDs, I dock your pay.

Roman:
You can't do that, Ron.

Ron:
I can too! And Roman, that's an RDD.

Roman:
A Do? This is the dumbest fucking strategy for productivity. [Henry enters]

Kyle:
Henry, is Ron really the boss?

Henry:
Yeah, Ron's in charge, everybody.

Ron:
See? Not that what he says matters.