Psych, Season 3

Shawn:
[after Haversham's dog jumps on the window] That dog is kind of an A-hole.

Gus:
I think he sees something.

Shawn:
Yeah, urine stains on my pants!

Shawn:
Is that hot chocolate?

Haversham:
It's Dutch cocoa. Hadewych makes a pot for me each night before she leaves.

Shawn:
I see. Mr. Haversham, in order to fully understand the connection that you have with this ghost, I will need to see what you see. Wear what you wear. Drink what you drink.

Haversham:
You're saying you'd like some hot chocolate?

Shawn:
With marshmallows, please.

Shawn:
Oh, my God. This isn't a joke. You're really quitting Psych?

Gus:
I am so sorry, Shawn.

Shawn:
In a text message, no less?!

Gus:
Shawn? What the heck are you doing here?

Shawn:
I should ask you the same question.

Gus:
I work here!

Shawn:
I should ask you a different question.

[1995:
At the Santa Barbara Police Station, Henry is seen forcefully escorting Shawn inside. Shawn is handcuffed.]

Shawn:
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for that "World's Greatest Dad" mug back.

Shawn:
Mr. Haversham, it is my belief that we have done all there is to do here tonight.

[Lights in Haversham's House flicker rapidly]

Shawn:
Tomorrow we will look into the history of the house, see if there's anything there that can help us.

[Lights malfunction again]

Shawn:
Just don't have any leads at this point.

[Lights malfunction a third time]

Shawn:
So, I think we should all pat each other on the backs for a job well done so far. Reconvene first thing here in the morning for a nice farmer's breakfast.

[Lights malfunction again]

Shawn:
I have dinner plans with my mother.

[All lights turn off.]

Lassiter:
[about his date] We met at the Santa Barbara Bowl at the Ravi Shankar concert last week, and she asked me out on a date.

Gus:
Who goes to someone else's reunion when they barely even know them?

Shawn:
Who goes to a Ravi Shankar concert?

Juliet:
If Chief Vick knew I was running names for you guys, I'd lose my ass.

Shawn:
We definitely don't want that to happen.

Shawn:
Good talk, Dad. I gotta run. Actually, there is one more thing. Do you think I could borrow your underpants? Just for ten minutes.

Henry:
...What?

Shawn:
Oh, come on! These are iconic film references I'm making, here!

Shawn:
Mindy, it's official: you've won bitchiest banana.

Shawn:
If I were just some average guy with no super powers I'd say [muttering dumbly] "I dunno; why are you asking me?" But as the head psychic for the Santa Barbara Police Department I say "I don't know. Why are you asking me?"

[Carlton is talking to a woman in his car during a stakeout]

Juliet:
What are you doing?

Lassiter:
Oh, I'm just talking to your friend Blair here. She... she's great. We have so much in common.

Juliet:
She's not my friend.

Lassiter:
What do you mean? You didn't send her down here to meet me?

Juliet:
No. I don't invite friends to dangerous stakeouts. But I know her. She's a professional.

Lassiter:
[to Blair] Please tell me you're a hit-man.

Gus:
Excuse me, what happened to the last bunch?

Dutch:
Well, we can't talk about it for legal reasons. All I know is our attorney said that, "It ain't decapitation if the head don't come off all the way."

Shawn:
Life insurance policy?

Gus:
It doesn't make any sense.

Shawn:
Tell me about it. ...Dude, seriously, tell me about it. I have no idea what this means.

Gus:
You never could understand legalese.

Shawn:
Oh, really? Remind me who it was who set up our Psych 401(k)s?

Gus:
Oh, you mean our 601(k)s? Because India doesn't have 401(k)s.

Shawn:
It's a growth economy, Gus. We've already made, like, 500 rupee.

Gus:
That's thirteen dollars.

Shawn:
They call this a motorcycle show? There's like four motorcycles here. They don't even have the bike from Blue Thunder.

Gus:
That was a helicopter.

Shawn:
...[Dutch] jumped Springfield Gorge.

Gus:
That was Homer Simpson.

[in the interrogation room]

Henry:
We didn't do anything wrong; we didn't break any laws. Oh, no! Oh, no! What-- What did you do Shawn?

Shawn:
Nothing. It's just that laws keep changing. It's getting very challenging to keep up with them all. For example, did you know that it is now illegal to give a possum a perm?

[In the interrogation room]

Shawn:
Don't I get a phone call or something?

Lassiter:
No.

Shawn:
Fine. How about a text message? I'll be quick, I just need to respond "OMG LOL." Here's a question: how do you make a face that's winking with the tongue coming out one side?

Vick:
Let me be frank.

Shawn:
As long as I can be Dean and Gus can be Sammy.

Gus:
Why do I always have to be Sammy?

Shawn:
Fine, he's Sammy. That makes you Joey Bishop. Is that what you really want? You want to be Joey Bishop?

Juliet:
SHAWN!

Shawn:
Jules, how often does someone set you up with "Let me be Frank"?

Juliet:
Shawn, don't forget that you are in a lot of trouble here and I am probably the only person in this room who cares to see you get out of it. Now it's 2:30 in the morning; we've been here for hours. Enough with the jokes; stop delaying and tell us what we want to hear!

Shawn:
[turns to Gus stunned] Oh, my God, that was so hot.

Vick:
Now, Mr. Spencer-

Henry/Shawn:
[together] Yes?

Vick:
Oh, I meant the older... Sorry, not old... less...

Shawn:
Handsome? Less hair? Less friends on Facebook?

Henry:
Less nose...

Shawn:
This is the best shake on the planet. One part ice cream, two parts awesome!

Shawn:
I got roped into doing a silly interview with The Independent. They've been calling me, begging, for weeks, and I finally relented.

Reporter:
You called me.

Shawn:
And you called me back, which means we're both right.

Shawn:
The important thing is that you got your cover story.

Reporter:
Actually, it's page 64.

Shawn:
It really depends on how you fold it, doesn't it?

Chief:
It goes without saying, Mr. Spencer, that your father is in no way to participate in this investigation. He's no longer on the force, and his meddling could compromise the case in court. Do I make myself clear?

Shawn:
Yes, you do, Chief. What isn't clear is why people always say "goes without saying," yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn't that bother you?

Chief:
No! And frankly, I could care less.

Gus:
Now that's the one that bothers me. Why do people say "I could care less" when they really mean "I couldn't care less"?

Chief:
Well, why don't you tell me how to properly say this? If you share any official information about this case with your father, or let him anywhere near any new evidence, then the two of you will have to find another police department to work for, and I will personally see to it that each of you is charged with obstruction of justice.

Gus:
You split an infinitive.

Shawn:
Good catch, Gus!

Chief:
You two realize I carry a gun, right?

Gus:
That was perfectly elocuted.

Derek Ford:
You're sure your father doesn't want to come inside?

Shawn:
Oh, no, no, no. He's clinically insane. And a biter.

Henry:
I'm a tax-paying, voting citizen, therefore I have a right to speak to any elected official, such as the DA, I please.

Shawn:
You don't have to be a... tax-paying voting citizen, do you?

Lassiter:
Spencer, I'd appreciate it if you'd just play with your life.

Shawn:
Oh, come on, Lassie. If Derek hadn't caved, I would have just deactivated [the bomb] myself. It's very easy, you just clip the red wire and the green wire at the same time.

Juliet:
Uh, Shawn, there's no green wire.

Shawn:
Really? In that case we would all have died.

Young Shawn:
Hey, Dad. We're prospecting for oil. How was your day?

Gus:
I can't get over it. After all this time the chief never said she had a sister.

Shawn:
Strange.

Lassiter:
And such an alluring sister at that.

Shawn:
Creepy.

Shawn:
Don't you see what's happening here, Gus? We are simply pawns in a bitter sibling feud.

Gus:
I am nobody's pawn, Shawn. I'm a Queen.

Shawn:
Gus, don't be a myopic chihuahua. I have a full-proof plan that solves the case and gives the Chief all the credit.

Gus:
What is it?

Shawn:
Actually, all I have is the phrase "I have a full-proof plan." Beyond that, I'm wide open.

Shawn:
I have an idea, but we'll need cool names.

Gus:
I never thought I would hear you say that.

Shawn:
Even more than "sinkhole sissy-feet flapjack go-go boots"?

Shawn:
My name is Shawn Spencer; this is my partner... I can't believe I'm blanking, I've done this a million times.

Shawn:
You cannot sit here alone in the dark in a parked car. You'll get picked up for mopery.

Gus:
Mopery?

Shawn:
With intent to creep. Trust me, it'll kick a big hole in your future.

Chief Vick:
Oh, and this is a typo, right? $800 for skates?

Juliet:
Would it help if I told you the other pairs weren't cute at all?

[Shawn and Gus find a wrapped up body that turns out to be Westwood]

Shawn:
Oh, thank God!

Gus:
Thank God? It's a dead person!

Shawn:
Yeah, but it's not Juliet.

Gus:
It's still a human being, Shawn; it's Westwood. What's the matter with you?

Shawn:
You're saying you'd rather it be someone we knew and care about? Fine, next time I see Jules I'll just tell her you wish she was dead.

Shawn:
They stole a DVD of Spanglish, clearly they were not after the merchandise.

Gus:
That's not exactly hard evidence, Shawn.

Shawn:
Thank you, Professor No Help.

Gus:
What?

Shawn:
I'm sorry, did you miss that? Maybe I should have said "MC No Help" or "Doctor Do Nothing" because you're bringing nothing to the table!

Shawn:
And... cut! Great, dripping with swagger! Let's go again though, and maybe ease up on the cocksure smile just a bit.

Gus:
You're not coming in? You're gonna make me stand in that deposit line all by myself?

Shawn:
Nope, buddy, I will be with you in spirit like a tiny wood nymph. Besides, what's your glitch with the ATM machine anyway?

Gus:
It's a people thing Shawn. Business should always be done face to face.

Shawn:
Well, if you remember, I'm holding a bit of a grudge against this particular banking institution.

Gus:
Why? Because they turned you down for a small business loan last year?

Shawn:
Yes, because they turned me down for a small business loan that was completely legitimate, Gus.

Gus:
Shawn, it was for a zip line pulley system to transport snacks from the kitchen to your desk.

Shawn:
Or the reception area. What's your point?

Gus:
Part of a running a business together, Shawn, is sharing in the responsibilities of the business side of the business. Like making deposits.

Shawn:
What about the "bidness" side? Because I feel like I'm more of a "bidness" man. Who's covering that?

Gus:
You know what? Fine. I'll do it myself.

Gus:
We're in a hostage situation, Shawn. You don't get that?

Shawn:
I do get it. What I don't get is the bulletproof vest over the shirt. What is that?

Shawn:
You know I'm not really a regular person, right, Phil?

Phil:
What does that mean?

Shawn:
'Cause I tried once and failed. I'm just too unique and interesting. The French call it "du fromage," which, roughly translated, means "of cheese."

Shawn:
Eight pies, four of them are vegetable! [Turns back from the bank]

Luntz:
Is this guy for real?

Shawn:
No pepperoni? Really? Plus the blatant disregard and utter criminal lack of ham and pineapple. What kind of a good faith negotiation is this? I mean, this is a hostage negotiation!

Luntz:
Well, I don't care if you're not happy with the ingredients. Put the pizzas down and walk away!

Shawn:
Told you so. Touché.

Gus:
You can't touché yourself.

Shawn:
Sure I can. Your bad.

Gus:
It's not my bad. You can't "my bad" for someone else.

Shawn:
Yeah, but you ain't mad at it, though. Know what you saying?

Henry:
Well, fooling around with your best friend's sister certainly wasn't your most brilliant idea.

Shawn:
No, that was the toaster alarm I invented in the third grade that woke you up by smacking you in the face with a waffle. [pause] I think I peaked too soon.

Gus:
Are you wearing sweat pants?

Shawn:
These are my sneaking around pants. Don't be jealous, I got you a matching pair.

Gus:
You're dressing up for her.

Shawn:
Dressing up? Dude, I'm wearing sweats and this ridiculous lime-green jacket.

Gus:
That's my lime-green jacket, Shawn. And it's only for players.

Shawn:
[spelling] T-H-E-S-E-A-L-I-O-N.

Lassiter:
Thesealion? Is that French?

Gus:
...Pinniped.

Lassiter:
I'm gonna kill you, Spencer.

Shawn:
I never told you that the victim wasn't a sea lion.

Shawn:
Gus, don't be exactly half of an eleven-pound Black Forest ham!

Shawn:
Ahoy, there! Um, yes. Right. Um, my name is Shawn Spencer. This is my first mate, Hummingbird Saltalamacchia.

Boat Guy:
What are you guys doing out here?

Shawn:
Oh, you know. Just, uh, hiding from sharks. You know, we heard that they can see you if your lights are on so we kicked ours off.

Boat Guy:
Uh, that's not how sharks work at all.

Shawn:
Regular sharks. Of course. Right. But we heard there was an infestation of genetically-altered, shark-like beasts here, in this area of the water. They can smell the light.

Gus:
They also type.

Shawn:
True. Not well, but they're sharks, with fins... so it's still impressive.

Shawn:
You wanna be hawk-eye or crow's nest?

Shawn:
And I've been doing something I liked to call "stalling". And Rutger Hauer calls "schtalling".

Jack:
Why?

Gus:
Because he's Dutch.

[Henry wraps a tie around Shawn's eyes]

Young Shawn:
Did you get me a pinata?

Henry:
Nope.

Young Shawn:
Pepsi challenge?

Henry:
Nope.

Young Shawn:
Am I being executed?

Shawn:
It's just stupid, that's all. I mean, if he didn't have any hair then no one had any business calling him Fuzzy Wuzzy."

Gus:
They were being ironic, Shawn.

Shawn:
Yeah, but he wasn't fuzzy, was he?!

Gus:
No, he wasn't! Irony, Shawn!

Shawn:
My point precisely!

Gus:
I'm still not convinced, Shawn. How can you be absolutely certain that Lassiter didn't shoot Chavez?

Shawn:
It's relatively easy, Gus. I decided to be and therefore I am. Socrates said that.

Gus:
No, that was Descartes.

Shawn:
That was the cologne we wore in high school.

Gus:
That was Drakkar Noir.

Shawn:
No, that's a wine.

Gus:
That's pinot noir.

Shawn:
What are you, the Great Gatsby? Going to do a little swan-watching with Daisy Buchanan later?

Gus:
Wow, how did you come up with that one?

Shawn:
Eighth grade summer reading, whaaaat.

Gus:
Before we get started we always like to ask a few preliminary questions. Standard stuff.

Lassiter:
Okay, fire away.

Gus:
Okay, um. Let's see, one: Did you kill that guy?

Shawn:
Of course we'll help you. You're like our brother.

Gus:
[winces] Eh.

Shawn:
Stepbrother?

Gus:
[winces] Eh.

Shawn:
Weird kid who lives down the street and eats nothing but mayonnaise on Saltines?

Shawn:
Lassie, good news: we got you a grape one.

Lassiter:
I told you, I don't want a Popsicle.

Shawn:
Ah, I guess we'll have to share this one.

Gus:
How do you share a Popsicle?

Shawn:
I take a lick, you take a lick, I take a lick, you take a lick, I take a lick.

Shawn:
It's time to go into stealth mode.

Gus:
Stealth mode? Hit The Jackal switch!

Gus:
Did you know that before he stabbed a guy, he was a life coach?

Shawn:
Who would hire him as a life coach?

Gus:
The guy he stabbed!

Shawn:
I can't believe you actually thought that text was from me. It lacked all nuance, my signature mocking tone, and was utterly devoid of emoticons.

Henry:
Can you even name a famous fireman?

Young Shawn:
...Smokey the Bear?

Henry:
First of all, Smokey the Bear is not a fireman. Number two, he's not real. Number three, HE'S A BEAR! He takes his poops in the woods, is that what you want?

Vick:
Who gave you access to the file room?

Shawn:
Irrelevant! And, immaterial.

Lassiter:
Chief, you're not going to let him do that thing where he only uses courtroom jargon, are you?

Vick:
Mr. Spencer...

Shawn:
He's making a mockery of these proceedings! All I'm saying is that she's making a very compelling argument.

Morgan Conrad:
You're an idiot.

Shawn:
That's less compelling. Move to strike.

Morgan Conrad:
Please remove him.

Lassiter:
Gladly.

Shawn:
Sidebar, Ms. Conrad.

Shawn:
It's harvest season, Pa. Jeb can't work the plow. You know he ain't been right since he come down with the consumption!

Lassiter:
A dead body changes things.

Shawn:
That's his email signature.

Shawn:
Guys, please. Can we come up a term that covers both a killer AND an arsonist? How about "Arssasin"?

. . .

Lassiter:
I want our killer--

Shawn:
Arsassin! Or karsonist?

Gus:
Arsassin.

. . .

Lassiter:
This could be our killer.

Shawn:
Furderer.

Lassiter:
What?

Shawn:
Fire murderer... furderer.

. . .

Shawn:
We have found our arsonurderer.

Gus:
What?

Shawn:
Firearsman.

Gus:
Uh-uh.

Shawn:
Señor pantalones del fuego?

Gus:
And they don't even have a dalmatian here, Shawn.

Shawn:
Would you stop with the dalmatians already?

Gus:
I'm just saying. It would be nice to see one in its natural habitat.

Shawn:
They're not indigenous to firehouses, Gus.

Shawn:
So, kiddies, always remember to put out your cigarettes when you are finished smoking them.

Teacher:
Excuse me!

Shawn:
Uh, I mean, uh, don't smoke, uh, in bed... Or in restaurants... Or in caves.

Teacher:
No smoking, absolutely no smoking.

Gus:
And don't listen to anyone who says that a pipe is cool, because I'm telling you it is not.

Fire Chief Dan:
Get out, get out, get out!

Shawn:
I accidentally mixed up Fire Chief Dan's phone with mine. They're similar shapes and my hand was in his jacket pocket.

Gus:
You stole his phone?

Shawn:
He was throwing us out! Gus, I plead the third.

Gus:
The third amendment is no soldier can live in your house against your will. You mean the fifth.

Shawn:
Yeah, I've heard it both ways.

Gus:
I plead the Fifth.

Shawn:
Mmm, element, dimension, Beatle?

Gus:
You can't plead Billy Preston.

Gus:
I think I have a bruise from all that CPR... can you see it?

Shawn:
All I see is chocolate with hair on it.

Henry:
I warned you, Shawn, fire fighters are trouble. I did everything in my power to keep you off of the pole!

Shawn:
And you succeeded, Dad... in every conceivable way.

Morgan Conrad:
Are you sure?

Shawn:
I'm Al B. Sure watching Diane Schuur apply Sure roll-on while viewing The Sure Thing.

Morgan Conrad:
That's pretty sure.

Shawn:
That's all-day sure.

Juliet:
Google "missing foot"? That was your plan?

Lassiter:
Well, not all of it.

Shawn:
How do I look, Jules?

Juliet:
Like my 11-year-old nephew in his Peyton Manning pajamas.

Shawn:
Your 11-year-old nephew is ruggedly sexy? That's weird.

Shawn:
How do I look?

Gus:
Like an idiot.

Shawn:
Sweet.

Gus:
You know what they do on those massage tables? They massage men. Big, hairy men. Let me be very clear: these hands are not touching anybody. I only use these hands to touch myself. ...Uh, let me rephrase that.

Shawn:
Please stop speaking. And no more fist bumps for the rest of the day.

Shawn:
How can you tell that someone's a compulsive liar? I mean, assuming their pants aren't on fire.

Shawn:
Does this ring a bell? "No, Shawn, I have not had any naughty dreams about you." And, "Yes, Shawn, I do wish Gus was never born so that I could be your partner."

Gus:
What?

Shawn:
True story.

Gus:
That's messed up.

Juliet:
I never said that, Gus.

Ryan:
The night before I went to this restaurant to get a basket of these things called "fries quatro quesos dos fritos"; you know, the ones where they inject potatoes with a four-cheese mixture, fry them three quarters of the way, pull them out, batter them, fry them again, and then serve them with bacon and a nacho chili sour cream? Anyway, as I was sitting there, a car speeds right through the storefront across the street. It makes such a loud noise I had to turn my head and look and that is when I overheard the guys with the curlicues on his face tell the other guy in the corner table about the assassination plot.

Shawn:
Can that be true?

Gus:
No way.

Shawn:
I mean, is that even possible?

Gus:
I couldn't imagine it!

Shawn:
There's no way they could prepare a fry like that; that'd be way too much for the... for the human palate to manage!

Gus:
It would be a flavor seizure.

Chief Vick:
Gentlemen, please, don't be ridiculous.

Shawn:
The Chief's right; let's just, just take a minute here to think this through. [pauses] They must be parboiling the potato first.

Gus:
Is this about pride?

Shawn:
I got these jeans at a garage, not a garage sale, a garage. Clearly pride is not an issue for me.

Ryan:
I don't know if it's enough, but I did overhear a time a place and a name.

Gus:
Come again.

Ryan:
I know who, what and where.

Shawn:
Ryan, that... that's everything we need to know. That's all of it. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?

Ryan:
Because no one would let me.

Shawn:
That's true, Gus, that's very true.

Gus:
Yeah, I got that, Shawn. Just go ahead Ryan.

Ryan:
The time was 10:00.

Shawn:
10:00.

Ryan:
To 4:30.

Shawn:
10:00 to 4:30.

Ryan:
Yeah.

Gus:
A six hour window? What do your killers work at the cable company?

Shawn:
It's okay. What's the place?

Ryan:
420... 420 something. I didn't get a street name or an apartment number, but the address definitely has a 420 in it.

Shawn:
Hmm.

Ryan:
But the name I have.

Shawn:
Perfect, what is it?

Ryan:
Tom.

Shawn:
Tom?

Gus:
You wouldn't happen to have a last name, would you?

Ryan:
Come on, guys! I can't do everything for you.

Shawn:
Gus, don't be this crevice in my arm.

Juliet:
Are you alright?

Shawn:
Yeah, of course I am, why?

Juliet:
Well, we got the message that you were at the hospital. Something about life and death.

Shawn:
Oh, right, that. Well, we are in a hospital and, as it happens, it's filled with both life and death.

Gus:
I knew I should have left that message.

Gus:
Where's Leiber?

Juliet:
Gone. Looks like he's on the lam.

Shawn:
If he's on a lamb, he won't get far. Alpaca, different story. Those things really fly.

Lassiter":
You should call either the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot, if you get in trouble, I'm sure they'd be happy to help.

"Shawn":
First of all, Bigfoot and I haven't spoken in five years.

[Shawn's piñata has been nailed to the door with a noose around it]

Shawn:
What are you thinking man, children walk by here every day, carrying their hopes and dreams.

Clive:
Hi, I'm Clive. I'm hilarious and I have no girlfriend.

Juliet:
Hi, I'm Juliet and I'm a cop.

Clive:
Nice rejection. Very clean.

Shawn:
You two are officially my least favorite tag team of all time!

Clive:
Really? With Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff on the table?

Shawn:
Wow! You just made that reference!

[During a game of strip cribbage]

Gus:
You still have your shoes and socks on! Do you even know how this game works?

Shawn:
Oh!

Juliet:
Wow.

Shawn:
Boy, Billy, I will give you everything in Gus' wallet if you put your pants back on.

[Lights go out and Billy stands up]

Gus:
Dude, please cover your junk.

Shawn:
Allow me to introduce yourself. Jetta girl, maybe green, the backseat probably loaded with pinkberry cups.

Waitress:
Wrong! I drive a Jeep. A black Jeep. But you're dead on with the pink berry.

Shawn:
What's your point, man?

Gus:
My point is you're going to be eighty years old and still shamelessly hitting on waitresses. Is that what you want?

Shawn:
Is that a trick question?

Gus:
I want some pancakes. Who wants pancakes? Whipped butter, maple syrup-- what?!

Gus:
Hey, everybody! Look how big I am compared to this airplane!

Shawn:
Gus, don't be the last of the international playboys.

Mary:
[upon being asked why he's a guy named Mary] My father's name was Mary and his father before him was named Mary and his father before him was named Craig.

Juliet:
I am... clearly not as good with words as you are, and I know that things between us have been...a little complicated...and that there have probably been some mixed signals, mostly from me, with regards to the time we spend together outside of the line of duty.

Shawn:
Look, Jules, y--

Juliet:
[interrupting him] Just, please, let me finish stumbling through this, I'm almost done. I promise. What I'm saying, is that I think maybe the best things, the...richest things, aren't supposed to come easily, and that sometimes the moments that make the most sense happen when everything else doesn't, and, well, I-- [pauses] I think you deserve more than popcorn tonight.

[long pause]

Juliet:
So why don't you let me take you to dinner?

Shawn:
Detective O'Hara, are you asking me out on a date?

Juliet:
I am. [pause] A proper one.

Shawn:
[exhales] Wow. [laughs in disbelief] I cannot believe this. All this time, and... your timing is just awful.

Juliet:
It is?

Shawn:
Yeah, just dreadful.

Juliet:
[confused] What?

Shawn:
I can't go to dinner with you, Jules, I'm already on a date.

Juliet:
What, here?

Shawn:
Yeah, right now. It's w-- [stutters] It's weird, it's a little weird, but, uh...yeah. With Abigail.

Juliet:
The one that got away.

Shawn:
Yeah.

Juliet:
[kisses him on the cheek] Get out there. She's not gonna wait forever.

Gus:
What part of "stay put" is confusing to you?!

Shawn:
The "put" part. "Stay put"? I wasn't put in the first place, Gus! The expression is a complete disaster!

Barb:
OK, enough, the painfully cute mugging is starting to get on my nerves.

Gus:
What are you, Entertainment Weekly?