Regular Show, Season 7

Benson:
Rigby, did you clean out the gutters yet?

Rigby:
No way. That's a two-man job.

Benson:
Well, where's Mordecai?

Rigby:
I don't know. I haven't seen him.

Eileen:
Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since C.J. dumped him at Muscle Man's wedding.

Benson:
Yeah, no one has. He hasn't come to work for two weeks now. I tried calling, but he won't pick up.

Rigby:
What? No, here. I'll call him. [grabs his phone from inside the couch and speed dials Mordecai's number; a vibration is heard and he hears it from the couch; opens Mordecai's phone and saw 300+ missed calls from Benson] Huh, that's not like Mordecai.

Benson:
[frustrated] I can't believe this! You don't even know where your best friend is?

Rigby:
Hey, I've been busy. [signs to which means hanging out with Eileen]

Benson:
Look, I'm just concerned about the well-being about my employees as any park manager, but I've got a business to run in. If you don't find Mordecai and bring him back to work by tomorrow, then I'm gonna have to fire him.

Rigby:
[shocked] What?! [stands up on the couch] Wait! I can find him!

Benson:
Well for your sake I hope so, otherwise you'll be cleaning the gutters solo from now on.

Rigby:
[answering a call from Eileen] Hello?

Eileen:
Hey, I checked from Margaret. She hasn't seen or heard from Mordecai.

Rigby:
Yeah, his parents don't know where he is, either.

Eileen:
And I don't think he'll be hanging out with C.J. anytime soon. Well, I'll start putting these flyers around town. Hopefully a hundred should be enough. [takes out flyers of Mordecai missing posters]

Rigby:
Well, I'll be privileging his personal stuff he doesn't like me touching, see ya. [hangs up; takes Mordecai's mattress off his bed and sees a note reading "Dumptown U.S.A."; picks up the note and reads it] "Dear Mordecai, stop wallowing in your lady woes and come have sodas…"

Sad Sax:
[narrating] "…With other single bros! There's a place with hot sandy beaches and an All-You-Can-Eat buffet! So pick up your sax and jam with the crew in Dumptown U.S.A.! Signed, Sad Sax."

Rigby:
[annoyed] Uh, Sad Sax Guy, I should have known! At Dumptown U.S.A.? That sounds so lame! I bet nobody's ever been to this place.

Benson:
[off-screen] I have. [Rigby turns to him and later brings him into his office] Dumptown is a refuge for guys who have recently been dumped, a place where they can forget about their breakups and embrace their newfound single-hood.

Rigby:
Wow. That's depressing.

Benson:
Oh, no! Dumptown is great!

Mordecai:
We've been here for four hours.

Benson:
[whispering] What are you doing? You're acting like children! I'm up for park manager of the year. This is the big leagues. Gene usually sweeps the awards, But I know for a fact that I have a chance this year. [elbows Skips] I mean, after that embarrassing fertilizer fiasco East pines had?

Skips:
It's in the bag.

BENSON:
YOU REALLY SCREWED UP THIS TIME!!

Mr. MAELLARD:
Hold on now, Benson. You share as much to blame as he does. You are his manager.

RIGBY:
It's true Benson. I told you I needed a nap!

Benson:
You were tired because you were up all night PLAYING VIDEO GAMES!!!

Mr. MAELLARD:
Enough! Rigby's a screw up but discipline starts at the top. So here's what's gonna happen. (opens the drawer and gets some paper and a pen out) One of you is gonna write a letter of resignation by 5 o'clock. No one leaves this office until it's done. And if you can't work it out, you're both fired! (slams door)

Benson:
And Mordecai and Rigby, let's have you pick up trash by the snack bar.

Rigby:
Ugh! Again?

Benson:
Don't worry, this is the last time you'll be on trash duty for a while.

Mordecai:
Awesome! Wait, we're not getting another intern, are we? Because I don't think I can handle another spy situation.

Benson:
No, I've actually got some very big news about your dome-estic situation! (everybody stares at him) Hopefully it won't cause any pan-dome-onium! (everybody continues to stare) Dome you have any ideas about what's going to happen? (everybody is still staring) No one, huh? Well, since I have to spell it out for you, Maellard's decided to seal off the park in a dome to create a contained ego-system! A group of scientists from the government are going to study it for a whole month!

Muscle Man:
Bro, have would we ever have guessed that?

Mordecai:
A whole month? Where are we supposed to go?

Benson:
You'll have to move out, the dome's dropping tomorrow! Isn't that exciting?

Pops:
Why aren't you more upset about the inconvenience?

Benson:
Because I don't live at the park.

Skips:
So we can stay at your place?

Benson:
Heh, well, my place, while officially a one bedroom, (the wind starts blowing strong) feels more like a studio. So there isn't really any room! (he looks up and sees a dome coming down onto the park)

Hi Five Ghost:
It's not tomorrow! It's today! They're sealing the park today!

Rigby:
My presents aren't that bad, are they? [unwraps the gift, revealing a coffee mug saying, "World's Greatest Rigby"] Oh, no. I gotta get him something better.

Mordecai:
Did you stay up all night watching Cat Videos?

Benson:
Sure did. [laughs] Did you know there are internet cat celebrities? There's Fat Cat, Rat attack Cat, And Murray the Japanese Cat that likes boxes.

Dr. Matthews:
Mm. Looks like everything's normal.

Muscle Man:
I just have one question for you, doc. Who's this guy? [points to Hi Five Ghost, laying next to him, cheerfully smiling]

[The Park workers gasp in horrified shock that Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost don't know each other]

Hi Five Ghost:
Hi. I'm Hi Five Ghost. I actually work at the Park, too. I'm surprised we never ran into each other.

Mordecai:
Whoa! You guys really don't remember each other?!

Muscle Man:
What are you talking about, Mordecai? Why should we?

Hi Five Ghost:
Yeah, I mean, how can I remember someone I just met?

Benson:
How bad is it, doctor?

Dr. Matthews:
They're suffering from a very specific form of amnesia--one that only targets the memories of their friendship.

Muscle Man:
We're friends?

Skips:
Is it treatable?

Muscle Man:
[on video tape] Fives, I put on too much tanning oil, and now I can’t get up!

Hi Five Ghost:
[on video tape] Don’t worry! I’ll help! [tries to pull Muscle Man back up on his feet and he falls on his front]

Pops:
Wow! What wonderful memories! [chuckles nervously]

Hi Five Ghost:
I, uh…I think I'm gonna call it a night, if that's okay. Thanks. [floats to the front door and leaves]

Hi Five Ghost:
♪ Animal olives were packed in a jar… ♪

Low Five Ghost:
[knocking on the door and opens] Hey, bro. Cool song. Muscle Man's at the door.

Hi Five Ghost:
[sighs and floats to the front door, where Muscle Man is standing, soaking wet] Yes?

Muscle Man:
Bro, I know I don't seem very cool. But there's gotta be a reason we were such good friends, and I don't want to lose that.

Benson:
Hey, didn't I tell you to mow the lawn? Why are you watching TV?

Mordecai:
I don't know. Just feeling "blah" today, you know?

Rigby:
Yeah, kind of got a case of the afternoon sleeps.

Benson:
(groans) I don't wanna hear it. Get back to work, OR YOU'RE FIRED.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mordecai:
We did it dude! We mowed the entire lawn with out taking a single break! You wanna go get some lunch?

Rigby:
Aw yea-uh, I do! Nothing on Earth's gonna stop us from getting some lunch! Huh?

Mordecai and Rigby:
Party Horse! (They walk towards it as they chant) Party, party, party, party, party, par... (the spacecraft opens) Huh?

Party Horse 42699:
(sniffles) Oh, Chrissy! (cries; Scene cuts to the house where he is lying on the couch and Mordecai and Rigby standing there) UUUUUUGGGHHH!

Mordecai:
Dude, what happened to you?

Party Horse 42699:
Chrissy happened, man, she dumped me, and she'll probably never talk to me again.

Rigby:
That's rough, man. What went wrong?

Party Horse 42699:
Augh! It's all her dad's fault. He always telling her my partying is "compulsive" and that i'm a "danger to myself and others." I tried to talk to my bros on Party Horse Planet for advice, but they just duct tape me to a flagpole and put my underwear down. After that, I came to Earth hoping you dudes can help me.

Mordecai and Rigby:
Wooooaaaaahhhh...

Mordecai:
Uh, don't worry, dude, we'll help you get your girlfriend back.

Party Horse 42699:
You will?

Mordecai:
It's easy, you just gotta get something nice to show her you care about her.

Rigby:
Yeah, man, the mall has like 20 stores that only sells stuff for guys who need to apologize to their girlfriends. With our help, you'll be back in the saddle in no time.

Party Horse 42699:
Dude, saddle jokes, not cool.

Benson:
What are you doing?!

Both:
Huh?!

Mordecai:
What time is it?!

Benson:
6:00! The sun's already down, and you've raked NO LEAVES!

Mordecai:
Oh, but--

Benson:
No "buts," "ands," or "ifs"! I don't want to hear it.

Mordecai:
Uh, I think it's "ifs," "ands," or "buts."

Benson:
Well, if you talk back to me again And don't get back to work, your butts are gonna be FIRED!

Mordecai:
Dude, this is serious. We got to get a good night's sleep.

Eileen:
Your dad? Tell him I said hi!

Rigby:
Eileen says hi.

Sherm:
Hi, Eileen!

Barbera:
Hi, Eileen!

Rigby's family and Don:
Hi, Eileen!

Benson:
I'm done with cats.

Rigby:
[shocked when he sees an angry Eileen after the other girls walk off] Eileen?!

Eileen:
[angrily] Rigby!

Braeden:
How'd the old man land such a megababe?

Eileen:
[blushing] Heh, well… [blushing fades; back to angry] No! You know, I don't like being lied to by my boyfriend. I missed the dance show to bring you soup! [runs off on her own]

Rigby:
Eileen, are you okay?! Did you fall down the rock hole?!

Eileen:
I'm okay! But it's pitch-black down here. I don't know how to get out.

Rigby:
I'm comin' down!

Eileen:
Actually, it'd be better if you went to get help! [sighs after Rigby falls into the cave]

Rigby:
Eileen, I can explain! I was going to the hospital but I got lost!

Eileen:
Rigby, I know you're not sick! Just tell me the truth!

Rigby:
[sighs deeply] Okay. I'm not just hangin' out in a cave with teens for fun. I... I never graduated from high school.

Eileen:
Really?

Rigby:
This whole cave thing is just for school credits so I can graduate and get my diploma. I never cared until I saw the Eileen Plan, but now all I can think about is how you're gonna be the president, and I'm just gonna be some jerk you used to date.

Eileen:
But I don't need a genius. I like you, just the way you are.

Rigby:
Yeah?

Eileen:
Yeah. [she and Rigby both stand up and bump into each other; sighs] What are we gonna do? It's way too dark to find a way out.

Rigby:
Hmm. I got an idea.

Mordecai:
[after watching an advertisement for Seeds of Agony by Jonno] Wow, that sounds crazy.

Rigby:
[laughs] Crazy enough to work!

Mordecai:
Dude, what are you talking about?

Rigby:
[leans in closer to whisper] Can you guys keep a secret? I'm taking Eileen to see that tomorrow! And you guys are coming with! And, you're not gonna ruin the surprise!

Mordecai:
What?

Margaret:
It sounds a little intense.

Mordecai:
And why's it gotta be a surprise? Is it a special occasion or something?

Rigby:
No, and that's the point! She'd be expecting something if it was. I've made her laugh, cry, scream with terror when she fell into that cave hole, all the big emotions. But she's too smart to be surprised!

Mordecai:
No way.

Rigby:
If there's a mystery, she has to solve it. Whenever I try to surprise Eileen, she figures it out immediately. [Flashback to him dressed up in murder-mystery-style clothing and Eileen answers the door] Good evening, my lady. I'm here to warn you that trouble's afoot. You see, there's been a mur-

Eileen:
[squeals with excitement] You're taking me to a murder mystery, right?

Rigby:
Uh... yes.

Eileen:
Great! I already picked out a dress so we could go!

[Another flashback]

Rigby:
[carrying a telescope] Surprise! I'm taking you-

Eileen:
To the conjunction of the Moon and Mars up on Lookout Mountain? I know! I'm so excited!

[Another flashback]

Rigby:
Hello-

Eileen:
You're taking me to the biannual mating season of the Hermit Crabs? You're the best!

[Back to the present]

Rigby:
She's smart like that, dude. So I thought of a plan so crazy she'll never figure it out. Will you guys help drive us around?

Mordecai:
Dude, you're being kinda crazy, but at least it's a nice kind of crazy.

Margaret:
I think that's sweet Rigby. Of course we'll help you.

Eileen:
[walks in room carrying a tray of celery and peanut butter] Who wants celery and peanut butter? Wait, I smell a surprise brewing.

Rigby:
No. You don't.

Eileen:
You're taking me to a movie after this.

Eileen:
Double black diamond?! Wait! NO, STOP! TURN THIS THING AROUND! I WANT TO GO DOWN!

Rigby:
[calling out] Eileen, what are you doing?!

Eileen:
I told you-- I'm getting my scarf!

Rigby:
Stop lying! Just tell me what's wrong!

Eileen:
I'll tell you what's wrong, the thrills, the chills, the spills-- snow tubing is not for me!

Rigby:
How do you know? You never tried it.

Eileen:
I did try it. When I was little, I went snow tubing with my dad. [Flashback to that day] We tried to hit a jump... but the inertia worked against us. The cold air felt like death on my face. And then... [gasps] that's when I got THIS! [pulls down her sleeve, revealing a scar on her elbow arm]

Rigby:
What am I looking at exactly?

Eileen:
A scar-- a bad one!

Rigby:
Oh.

Eileen:
Yeah. Ever since then, I've been afraid of snow tubing, I was just too embarrassed to tell you. I didn't wanna ruin the trip. I knew how much it meant to you.

Rigby:
You shouldn't be embarrassed. I freak out over small spaces all the time. I'm not ashamed of my mucastaphobia.

Eileen:
[giggles] Claustraphobia. And you're right.

[ It Then cuts to Mordecai then calls Benson after having missed their delivered package]

Benson:
(Now red) 'YOU MISSED IT?!?! ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SIT THERE!! You do that all day anyhow, so why can't you do it when I tell you to?!! :'

Benson:
Just reschedule the delivery and fix this, OR YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!

Rigby:
Something smells amazing.

Mordecai:
Yeah, I think it's coming from the gate.

Announcer on megaphone:
It's the Buddy Bohn-mi truck business!

Mordecai & Rigby:
What's Buddy Bohn-mi?

Announcer on megaphone:
It's a really delicious Vietnamese sandwich. Come on down!

Mordecai:
(To Rigby) Aw man, that sounds good, but the delivery truck's gonna be here any minute.

Rigby:
Dude, there's nobody in line. We'll make it in and out two minutes tops. I mean it is right across the street, trust me.

Mordecai:
Hm (Looks at the street) Ok let's go.

Mordecai:
Two Bohn meats please.

Man:
Ah, customers, finally. Coming right up.

Cook (Behind him stands another guy whose arms reach in front of the cook smearing the bun):
Ah, I think you're really gonna like this sandwich. Betcha haven't seen a sandwich made like this huh? The Buddy Bohn-mi system. Two people for one sandwich. Ah, (Slices cheese) Chop-chop!

Rigby:
(Whispering) Why do they make the sandwich like that?

Mordecai:
I dunno. Let's never come back here ever again.

Mordecai:
Dude, it's the truck, we're gonna miss it!

Rigby:
Augh! I hate you, Buddy system!

Man:
it's the Buddy Bohn-mi system!

Mordecai:
Gimme the code!

Rigby:
I can't find it!

Mordecai:
Seriously?! Argh! (Presses random buttons but it's incorrect)

Mordecai:
Here, I'll boost you! (Gives Rigby a leg-up and throws him on the other side of the gate. Mordecai jumps over the fence) Ok, let's-

Mordecai':
We're sorry, Benson! We— (He gets cut off)