Rizzoli & Isles, Season 1

Rizzoli:
I'm sorry, did the vacuum wake you?

Marissa:
No, no! I was up studying.

Rizzoli:
Come in, come in. How's law school?

Marissa:
Awful. Remind me again why I wanted to be a lawyer.

Rizzoli:
[laughs] I know, right? Where the hell was I on career day?

Marissa:
Just making sure you're okay.

Rizzoli:
Yeah. Why would you ask?

Marissa:
You always vacuum when you have a tough case.

Rizzoli:
Huh.

Rizzoli:
Did you ever like the same guy as your best friend?

Isles:
No.

Rizzoli:
Did you ever have a best friend?

Isles:
No.

Rizzoli:
You'd tell me if you were a cyborg, right?

Isles:
No, I don't think I would.

Rizzoli:
[laughs]

Isles:
I'm not seeing him. [referring to FBI Agent Dean]

Rizzoli:
Yet.

Isles:
Somebody should, don't you think?

Rizzoli:
Yep.

Isles:
Should we draw straws?

Rizzoli:
Couldn't we just show him our tits and let him decide? [they laugh]

Isles:
Who is Henry Deduboto?

Rizzoli:
Ted Bundy!

Isles:
That's... five letters too many for that anagram.

Rizzoli:
How do you do that?!

Rizzoli:
We're going to surveil this body.

Isles:
What, you mean leave her here?

Rizzoli:
Yes. I said you wouldn't like it. Let's go.

Isles:
No. I'm calling my team.

Rizzoli:
Maura, they weren't expecting anyone to find this body! Look at where she's hidden! Hear me out. Hear me out! We get the hell out of here, we put both the park entrances under surveillance!

Isles:
What makes you think Hoyt isn't watching you right now?

Rizzoli:
He might be! I'm willing to take that gamble!

Isles:
What? By leaving this body here in hopes that he'll return? No. No! Every second she stays here more forensic evidence is lost!

Rizzoli:
Maura, please. The faster we get out of here the better chance we have of not being discovered, okay? Because if we don't do this, we got nothing! If we take this body back now all we'll find out is, yep, she's dead and they killed her! Please! Do this for me!

Rizzoli:
Was she dead before she was tossed?

Isles:
I'd be guessing.

Rizzoli:
I won't tell.

Isles:
Ballpark, two hours?

Detective:
Ballpark? I guess I do owe you dinner.

Isles:
I love modern Foie de veau.

Rizzoli:
Oh, my God, you're flirting over a dead body.

Isles:
When else am I going to do it?

Isles:
Do you want to know what I'm thinking?

Rizzoli:
[sarcastically] It's so weird, I do!

Isles:
I think I know why you're making such a big deal that Grant's your new boss.

Rizzoli:
I don't want to know what you're thinking!

Isles:
You two like each other!

Rizzoli:
No! Do you know what that ass used to call me? Frog face! It's not funny, Maura! No!

Isles:
[laughing] It's not funny.

Rizzoli:
I'm not a frog face!

Isles:
Of course. No!

Frost:
Korsak's calling me BBK. Barfbag kid. Crow's leaving plastic puke everywhere.

Isles:
You're not the first detective to be sickened by death. You just have to find your morgue legs.

Frost:
I read a study that said people can conquer this kind of thing with repeated exposure, like when you're afraid of dogs or flying.

Isles:
Oh, immersion therapy! Very effective! It worked for me.

Frost:
What were you afraid of?

Isles:
People. Live ones. [looks down at dead body] She'll never judge me, tease me, and I can help her. I can speak for the dead.

Rizzoli:
Maura, what do you see?

Isles:
A reddish brown stain.

Rizzoli:
In other words: blood.

Isles:
No, a reddish brown stain. The crime lab will determine what it is. No signs of lacerations or abrasions on the victim.

Rizzoli:
So it's not hers? Which means we might have gotten lucky and the killer was bleeding.

Isles:
[makes a face]

Rizzoli:
Or smearing reddish brown stuff!

Grant:
Yeah. I owe you a massive apology. I'm sorry.

Rizzoli:
Yeah, I can tell from the nasty face you're makin'.

Isles:
Oh, that's not because of you, Jane. He has bolus lesions.

Grant:
I have what?

Isles:
Blisters.

Isles:
[talking about Grant] Perhaps he's a little nicer off the mound?

Rizzoli:
Oh yeah, he's fantastic! I wanna kill myself; what's the best way?

Isles:
Uh, atlanto-occipital disarticulation is very fast.

Rizzoli:
No idea what that is; what else you got?

Isles:
You were limping.

Isles:
He's got a lot of pulp.

Rizzoli:
Juice, we say guys got juice.

Isles:
Well you're gonna be drinking yours out of a sippy cup if you don't lower your voice!

Isles:
Look at that. [gazes at Jane's sandwich] Is it okay?

Rizzoli:
Yeah!

Isles:
[lifts half the sandwich and examines it] Look at this! What is that white substance?

Rizzoli:
Fluff.

Isles:
Light, downy particles of cotton?

Rizzoli:
It's marshmallow, and the brown substance is called peanut butter. It's ground up, heavy, oily particles of peanuts. What, they didn't have that in your fancy boarding school?

Isles:
This is really good!

Isles:
Haven't you ever been afraid of anything?

Rizzoli:
Uh, witches! My family went to Salem when I was little.

Isles:
See, you were very impressionable.

Rizzoli:
Yes, I had to sleep with a night light. Why, what were you scared of?

Isles:
Chromobacterium violaceum.

Rizzoli:
What's that?

Isles:
It's a flesh-eating bacteria. It crawls inside your ear or your nose and it starts eating you from the inside out --

Rizzoli:
Okay, okay! I got it! Thank you!

Isles:
[whispering to Jane] You could have told me you had a warrant!

Frost:
She didn't. We didn't have time.

Isles:
You lied?!

Rizzoli:
No! I said I was about to serve a warrant. I didn't say when!

Rizzoli:
What the hell, Ma! Where's Pa and the Callernos?

Angela:
They went to go pick up ice cream for later!

Rizzoli:
[looks closely at her mother's face and is shocked to see she's lying] No, they didn't! There's no one else here?!

Angela:
I made Ragu bolognese.

Rizzoli:
You made me wear this dress for Joe Grant?!

Angela:
What?! No! I don't know what you're talking about!

Rizzoli:
Ma!

Angela:
I need to know you're taken care of.

Rizzoli:
By him?! Are you kidding??

Angela:
He's cute!

Rizzoli:
He's not cute!

Angela:
He's very cute!

Rizzoli:
So what?!

Rizzoli:
Can you tie the genetics of the monkshood in Matt's body and match it to the plant that it came from?

Isles:
No.

Rizzoli:
Can you lie about that?

Isles:
No. I don't lie.

Rizzoli:
It's not a lie!

Isles:
Yes, it is. I know when it is. I start to hyperventilate.

Rizzoli:
It's a white lie!

Isles:
[scoffs] It's still a lie.

Rizzoli:
You've never lied to a guy and told him he was good when he wasn't?

Isles:
No!

Rizzoli:
Do you like this shirt with this jacket?

Isles:
Not really, no.

Angela:
So, you know, I never told you, but I'd be really good at solving cases.

Isles:
Well, the forensic sciences can be quite complicated.

Angela:
A little common sense goes a long way. I read so many crime novels and always know who did it.

Rizzoli:
Thank you, Agatha Christie. Stay in the car.

Angela:
I won't embarrass you!

Rizzoli:
Thirty years of experience says otherwise.

Isles:
Two centimeter singular gunshot wound, mid-chest.

Rizzoli:
I bet we're looking for a 9mm. [looks defensive when Dr. Isles looks at her in exasperation] I'll have ballistics confirm, I just like to guess! [pause] And I'm usually right!

Rizzoli:
[looks at a sandwich] Is this from the good fridge or the dead people fridge?

Isles:
[smiles] Cold air is cold air.

Rizzoli:
How old is it? No, don't tell me! I'm too hungry.

Rizzoli:
Dr. Maura Isles: knuckle deep in germy bar snacks. I'm shocked.

Isles:
Oh, I had representative samples tested. Bacteria count fell within acceptable limits. Do you want one?

Rizzoli:
It must be very complicated to be you.

Isles:
[smiles] You have no idea.

Rizzoli:
I applied to BCU.

Isles:
It's very hard to get into.

Rizzoli:
I got in.

Isles:
Why didn't you go?

Rizzoli:
[shrugs] I wanted to be a cop.

Isles:
What's the real reason?

Rizzoli:
My father would have spent everything to send me there, and I couldn't do that to him.

Isles:
Did you ever tell him?

Rizzoli:
No, that would make him too sad.

Rizzoli:
[looking at a large mansion owned by the Fairfield family] Holy crap!

Isles:
The castle in Scotland is much bigger. The place on the Cape is beautiful, too.

Rizzoli:
You could have been a Fairfield. How did we not know this?!

Isles:
Could you stop saying that?

Frost:
Whooooo. This is a Spyker C8 Laviolette! That's 400 horses up under there! I don't see these in magazines.

Isles:
Garrett's here. He's always liked the finer things in life.

Rizzoli:
Yeah. He liked you.

Isles:
What's your take?

Korsak:
My take is that you are the chief medical examiner and this is not your first floater.

Isles:
It is my, uh, forty third. Yes, my forty third.

Korsak:
I've been a cop a long time. I know when people aren't telling me the whole story.

Isles:
Jane's mad at me!

Korsak:
Oh, boy.

Isles:
She thinks I'm being biased because I'm acquainted with the family.

Korsak:
Acquainted? I heard it was a little more than that.

Isles:
It was.

Korsak:
That's not it, though. When you grow up like Jane you're going to have an attitude about people who, uh, are entitled.

Isles:
That's a form of prejudice!

Korsak:
Where people like me and Jane come from, we didn't have a lot, but we had each other's backs. It sounds like to me all Jane wants to know is: do you have hers or not?

Rizzoli:
Excuse us, gentlemen.

Coast Guard Officer:
This boat was found in our waters. It's a federal investigation now.

Rizzoli:
That's a nice ventriloquism act. [turns to look at the Fairfield family attorney] Yeah, I can barely see your lips moving!

CG Officer:
Our tow boat is on the way to take this craft to our slip.

Frost:
That craft is our crime scene.

Korsak:
It's our jurisdiction. Move.

Rizzoli:
You want kids?

Isles:
I would move.

Rizzoli:
[takes one flute of champagne from a server and drinks a sip] Wow! [grabs a second flute] Thanks! That is good!

Isles:
Le Veuve Brut.

Rizzoli:
Whoa. Can't get that at a 7-Eleven, can you? Man! How much?

Isles:
How much?! I don't know.

Rizzoli:
Guess!

Isles:
No!

Rizzoli:
A hundred bucks?

Isles:
Maybe. I don't --

Rizzoli:
A hundred bucks a bottle? Wow.

Isles:
A glass.

Rizzoli:
Really?! God, no wonder it's so good.

Rizzoli:
The pager's totaled.

Isles:
That's not a pager. It's a glucose management system; insulin pump. She was diabetic. [looks at the victim's hand] Huh. Yeah, needle sticks. She probably had to check her glucose level about five to ten times a day. [leafs through a small notebook] Yeah, she kept careful records. Her last glucose level reading was over four hundred.

Rizzoli:
Is that good or bad?

Isles:
It's extremely high.

Rizzoli:
Is that good or bad?

Rizzoli:
I thought you said you couldn't lie!

Isles:
What do you mean? I can't!

Rizzoli:
You did!

Isles:
Only one time when I said I'd finished my homework and I hadn't. I immediately went vasovagal. Fainted.

Rizzoli:
Maybe I should be a lesbian.

Isles:
Aw. Well, wishes can come true. Frost and Korsak wanted to fill out your profile. I typed.

Rizzoli:
You what?

Isles:
If it wasn't for me, you'd be butch.

Rizzoli:
You put my photo and profile on a gay dating website?

Isles:
It's the best shot at getting DNA and breaking this case.

Rizzoli:
No, it's our best shot. You're going with me.

Isles:
No.

Rizzoli:
Yes, Dr. Isles! I don't have time to train a female detective how to collect and preserve DNA. You're going!

[...]

Isles:
I wonder what kind of women we would like if we liked women.

Rizzoli:
What?! Well, first of all, I would be the guy.

Isles:
That's a cliche! Why would you be the guy?

Rizzoli:
Because!

Isles:
Because you're bossy?

Rizzoli:
So are you!

Isles:
No, I'm not!

Rizzoli:
Yes, you are, you're just soft and polite when you're bossing people around.

Isles:
Well, it's a good thing you're not my type.

Rizzoli:
What do you mean I'm not your type?! That's so rude!

Isles:
Mark Twain said the clothes make the man.

Korsak:
He also said naked people have little or no influence.

Isles:
This is serious.

Rizzoli:
Maura, come on, it'll be fine. We're trained professionals. We know what we're doing. We've actually been undercover a few times before, so let me handle this.

Isles:
Okay. Fine. If you don't want my help. It's like trying to dress a squirmy six-year-old, anyway. Everything's too short, too itchy, [high pitched voice] I can't walk in that.

Rizzoli:
Maura, we all appreciate that you dress like you're about to strut down a Paris runway. It's -- it's interesting.

Frost:
Endearing.

Korsak:
Sexy!

Rizzoli:
It's fashionable.

Isles:
Oh, so that's what you think? You think this is all about fashion for me??

Rizzoli:
Um, no? It's not about fashion?

Isles:
No, it's not!

Rizzoli:
What is it about, then?

Isles:
I used to sit at the Musée d'Orsay for hours and just stare at it. Do you know what I mean?

Rizzoli:
[sarcastically] Yes, the Rizzoli family vacations there every summer.

Isles:
Have you ever tried to appreciate Euler's number e? You know, the beautiful equation that connects three constants of mathematics? Have you?

Rizzoli:
Yeah, I tried it once. [Korsak laughs]

Isles:
I am in awe of what human beings can do. I am in awe of the hand knit channel stitching on this sweater. I am in awe of the artisan who molded and shaped this shoe.

Rizzoli:
[sarcastically] I cannot wait to see what you're going to wear.

Isles:
We're running for a charity! Professionals for Underprivileged Kids of Excellence. We're a team!

Rizzoli:
Team P.U.K.E.?!

Isles:
Yes, that is an unfortunate acronym.

Frankie Jr.:
At least you're not a hot dog. Or a mustard.

Rizzoli:
Stay out of this. Listen, I said I would do this because we said that we wanted to do something together, but I am not running as Lady P.U.K.E. Gaga! No!

Isles:
Oh. I'm sorry. I should have realized. I didn't -- I'm sorry.

Rizzoli:
Holy, crap! You're going to cry on me!

Isles:
No, I'm trying not to, it's just that my amygdala and my lacrimal gland have a connection that I can't really control.

Rizzoli:
Honey, there is no way in hell I am taking this off. I'm already running twenty-six miles with a camel toe.

Isles:
Can you at least take off that baggy tee? Oh, come on! I'll let you walk up Heartbreak Hill!

Rizzoli:
Oh, I'm walking Heartbreak. You're going to have to do better than that.

Isles:
Okay. Name it.

Rizzoli:
The next reddish brown stain you call blood before the labs come in.

Isles:
[shocked] You want me to lie?!

Rizzoli:
No, I want you to state the obvious.

Isles:
Hypothetically, based on the crime scene, I will determine if it's possible to hypothesize that a stain is blood.

Rizzoli:
I'll take that as a yes.

Isles:
[examining a dead body on a park bench] Body temp is low. He's been sitting here a while.

Rizzoli:
[observing what the body is holding] It's today's paper. Was he reading the stock pages and slit his own throat?

Isles:
There's something very odd about the edges of the wound.

Rizzoli:
Well, yeah, the whole thing's odd! I mean, there's no blood. There's no sign of struggle. What, death by a sharp nap?!

Isles:
The darkening of the nasojugal fold indicates fatigue and vitamin deficiencies.

Rizzoli:
[looking at the victim] Hmm.

Isles:
You. You have dark circles under your eyes. Are you not sleeping again?

Rizzoli:
[flippantly] Thank you. You look nice, too.

Rizzoli:
It looks like karma finally caught up to him.

Isles:
Sanskrit word: a cycle of cause and effect. I think it originated in the Shri Mana tradition.

Rizzoli:
Do you have to do that?

Isles:
Do what?

Rizzoli:
That! That word thing you do?

Isles:
Etymology?

Rizzoli:
You can't stop, can you?

Isles:
Not really.

Isles:
You're clearly trying to frighten me.

Hoyt:
[smiles] I am.

Isles:
I'm not afraid of you.

Hoyt:
I know, because you're like me.

Rizzoli:
You okay? Come on, Maura, talk to me. He's a freak. He gets to everybody.

Isles:
I didn't -- I did a lot of research into his background; his childhood. Maybe he's not wrong.

Rizzoli:
What are you talking about?

Isles:
Maybe I am a little bit like him.

Rizzoli:
You are nothing like him.

Isles:
I don't -- I don't know, Jane. I was a weird kid.

Rizzoli:
Were you killing small animals?

Isles:
[laughs] No, but I dissected a lot of frogs.

Rizzoli:
That's different.

Isles:
I just started to think about things that I never really thought about before.

Rizzoli:
Here it comes. There are bodies buried in your basement.

Isles:
I spent a lot of time alone. I was adopted, my father was a professor and my mother she -- she came from a wealthy family and was an only child. I just realized something when I was reading about Hoyt. It just never occurred to be before. There was a lot of benign neglect. It's not that they didn't love me. It's just that I didn't ask for much. I don't think I really knew how, and the less that I would ask for the less time that they have for me. They were just very, very involved in their own lives and into each other. They sent me to boarding school when I was ten. I actually think that I sent away for the brochure myself. [smiles with Jane] They were delighted. I was really lost.

Rizzoli:
Come here. [takes Maura's hand] No matter what happened to you, you are nothing like that monster, okay? You're a little anti-social maybe, goofy, but that's not the same thing.

Isles:
[crying] Thank you.

Frost:
We're waiting on a warrant, can't touch the car.

Female commuter out of view:
I've been here twenty minutes.

Jane:
Yeah, yeah, you're in a hurry for your latte.

Male commuter out of view:
Come on! I've got to get to work!

Jane:
Hey, man, shut up! [looks into the car holding up traffic] Come on! How hard is it to get a warrant signed? Where's Maura?

Frost:
Stuck in traffic.

Jane:
She shouldn't wear high heels to a crime scene.

Maura:
[walks into the scene] Why not? These are very comfortable.

Jane:
I'll bet you can run in them, too.

Maura:
[smiling] I don't think that's a good idea.

Maura:
I sent the blood samples to the crime lab, but I have no doubt this man is my father.

Jane:
Since when do you jump to conclusions?

Maura:
Since I found out who I really am. [to photos on the table] Stabbed, shot, shot, shot. [twists ring on her finger] Oh, my God. Did you see what I did? He does that. He introduced himself as Mr. Selsi. That's Isles. It's my adoptive name spelled backward.

Jane:
I know. You keep saying that.

Maura:
He was toying with me from the start while he was staring at his murdered son!

Jane:
Come on. He came to say a final goodbye to Colin, and he knew that you wanted a DNA sample so he gave you some of his blood. That's a guy with balls!

Maura:
You're defending a stone cold killer!

Jane:
No, I'm -- yes, I am. Uh, and I'm going to stop now. Look, I think that whomever killed Colin knew that his murder would draw Patrick out. If it makes you feel better these were all bad guys.

Maura:
He said Colin was too much like him. What about me? What I do for a living? I'm around more death than he is.

Jane:
But you're not the one doing the killing.

Jane:
He's having trouble breathing. Do something.

Maura:
I'm a pathologist. I am not a surgeon, Jane. I could make it worse.

Jane:
[grabs a book from a shelf] What is it again? Say it again.

Maura:
Tension pneumothorax. What are you doing?

Jane:
[reads quickly] Tension pneumothorax results in death if not treated immediately. Oh, God.

Maura:
Jane, I'm just guessing, okay? I would need to confirm it!

Jane:
You don't have time to confirm it! Your guess is better than most doctors!

Maura:
I could be wrong!

Jane:
[continues reading] Aggressively manage with needle decompression to chest.

Maura:
I've never done it!

Jane:
Maura, please! Get a needle! Do it! Do it now!

Maura:
All right. Get alcohol, get a cotton ball and tape.

Jane:
I got it! I got it!