Saved by the Bell, Season Four

Becky Belding:
Why don't you get me ginger ale, with a big scoop of peanut butter?

Screech:
Ah, that's my favorite combination too.

Lisa:
Well, Screech, maybe you're pregnant.

Screech:
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Lisa. I'm not even married.

[the gang rewrites the words to Screech's corny school song before they decide to sing]

Screech:
You hooligans. You demolished my song.

Lisa:
No we didn't, Screech. It still says "Bayside".

Slater:
Yeah, and we even left the words you put in: "it", "and", "the", "Bayside".

Screech:
Oh... well in that case, it's ok then.

Alma Mater:
"Bayside is the school that's cool and you know that it's true. The girls are the cutest and the guys are the hippest too. Ooh ooh ooh."

Lisa:
Hallelujah, we're seniors!

Everybody:
Amen!

Slater:
Hey, Zack! Last night at the movies you went too far.

Zack:
(jokingly) I just helped a mother get together with her son. What's so wrong about that?

Slater:
Wrecking my date with Joanna wasn't funny.

Zack:
Oh, like it was funny wrecking my study date the night before?

Slater:
Hey, you started it, man, by making me look like a jerk at the Max!

Zack:
Well, that's what you are.

Slater:
What did you say?

Zack:
You heard me. Now why don't you get out of my face?

Slater:
And what if I don't, punk?

Zack:
Then I'll just have to make you, punk!

[Zack and Slater begin fighting]

Zack:
(after he takes Slater's side in skipping Kelly's test) Come on, Kelly, I bet a lot on this game.

Kelly:
And I bet a lot on you. First, as a friend, then as a boyfriend, now as a principal. I used to think you were something special. I guess I lost that bet.

Slater:
Well, you're special to me, Zack. Really special!

Zack:
Why be a teacher when you can be a principal? It's the easiest job around. You don't do anything. Ask Belding.

Screech:
The sauce you can have, but the secret she's-a mine!

Zack:
Look, the chemistry lab is for student use. Well, we're students. So, we're using them.

Jessie:
You really believe that, don't you, Zack?

Zack:
I'm Zack Morris.

Tori:
Should I be impressed?

Zack (to Screech) This has gone far enough. Look, I'm sorry I hurt you, all right?

Screech:
Sorry? You're sorry? You were my best friend, Zack. You could've had any other girl in the school...why Lisa? Why'd you have to steal my dream? I hate you!

Zack:
Let's have another round of applause for the real star of today's game, the only one who has to be in a wheelchair all the time, Melissa Donahue!

(After Melissa rolls away, upset at Zack, after the basketball game)

Zack:
What was that all about?

Tori:
Maybe she wants to be your friend and not your cause.

Ken Kelly:
Zack, can you be at the Max today at 4:00?

Zack:
You bet! By 4:00 today, I am going to be--

Mr. Belding (interrupts Zack):
In detention. I told you not to use this phone on school property again.

(After Mr. Belding shows up Zack and wins the trip to Hawaii)

Mr. Belding:
A trip to Hawaii? This is great! Now I have an anniversary gift for Mrs. Belding! And to think, all this time, I just thought you were trying to get out of detention.

Zack:
Yeah, I was doing this, all for you. (mumbling to himself) Took weeks of planning.

Mr. Belding:
And I owe it all to you!

Zack:
Well, maybe now you'll do me a favor in return.

Mr. Belding:
Ah, we can talk about it...in detention!

Major Slater (to Slater):
My C.O. just went A.W.O.L. with the G.I. from the P.X. I gotta go A.S.A.P. See you, A.C.

Zack:
You guys sound like an eye chart.

Zack:
Come on Slater, tell him the good news...Iowa.

Major Slater:
Iowa?

Slater:
I owe-a Zack ten dollars. Can you lend it to me?

Major Slater:
(looking surprised) That's good news?

Zack:
It is to me.

Mr. Morris (after learning that Zack was drinking alcohol):
What would you do if you were in my position?

Mr. Belding:
(explaining Screech's version of what happened in the accident involving Lisa's mom's car) It's a terrible thing that happened to those monkeys though.

Slater:
I'm dead. Jessie's gonna rip my eyes out, punch my face in and then break up with me. It's her usual pattern.

Zack:
What's wrong, Lisa?

Lisa:
This ring put a green stain on my finger!

Zack:
Why would it do that?

Lisa:
Because it's not real gold, DUH!

Zack:
Well, maybe it's just yours. (the rest of the gang reveals green marks after removing their rings) Maybe it's just ours.

(More students show up with green marks on their fingers)

Nerd:
There he is!

Zack:
Maybe it's just everybody's!

Zack:
This is my associate, A.C. Slater.

Gem Diamond:
What's the "A.C." stand for?

Slater:
Abnormally Cruel. (gives him a painfully firm handshake)

Zack:
Happy Valentine's Day!

Slater (to Zack):
What, no rose for me, preppie? And I thought we were real close.

Zack:
Slater, face it. It's over.

The Guys:
We're bad, we know it. We're bad, we've shown it!

The Girls:
We're bad! We knew it! You cheated! You blew it!

Zack:
Guys, plan A did not go so well. It's on to plan B.

Slater:
What's that?

Zack:
Unconditional surrender.

Screech:
M...Mercury. V...Venus. E...E...E-I-E-I-O...

Zack:
Screech, what's the rest of it?

Screech:
Old McDonald had a farm...

Jessie (to Zack about Screech after he gets sick):
You took the doofus skiing.

(At the Academic Bowl)

Mr. Belding:
Who invented basketball?

Nerd:
O.J. Simpson!

Mr. Belding:
That is incorrect.

Nerd:
Okay. O.J. Chamberlain!

Mr. Belding:
No! That is wrong and ridiculous!

Slater:
My mother told me I should look out for my little sister.

Tori:
Someone should look out for you.

Slater:
I've had it with this bozo! I'm so mad at this guy I could punch his lights out!

Zack:
Hey, Slater, who are you talking about?

Slater:
You, you slimeball! Go ahead, take my sister to the Sock Hop! But you won't see me there!

Zack (to Kelly):
Look I know it's supposed to be over between us, and I know we're friends now, but Kelly, I don't feel that way. You're the only girl for me and you always will be.

Zack:
Screech, we're sorry we forgot your birthday.

Slater:
We're even sorrier we made you hall monitor.

Zack:
Wait, I've got it. This is genius. Today, we'll give Screech a surprise party.

Slater:
But his birthday was yesterday.

Lisa:
That's the surprise.

Zack:
Now this will make Bayside history. It won't be just any surprise party. It'll be the most daring birthday party ever!

Kelly:
Sounds exciting.

Jessie (getting nervous):
Wait, I don't know about this. It sounds dangerous. I'm getting nervous!

Slater:
Will someone shoot her with a tranquilizer dart?

Kelly:
Mirror, mirror from the mall, who's the awesomest of them all? (to Lisa) If you say Jessie, I'll brain you!

Lisa:
Uh, I pass! Next question, please!

Screech:
I wanna announce to one and all that I love the mirror from the mall!

Lisa:
And if you touch me, I swear I'll knock you through the wall!

(While an earthquake is going on)

Screech:
Oh my gosh, it's a volcano!

Slater:
Tell her I'll think about it.

Zack:
Jessie said, "Once a pig, always a pig."

Slater:
That's my mama.

Kelly (while looking at Artie the lizard):
Aww, he looks so peaceful when he sleeps.

Lisa:
Oh, please. You're going gaga over something that burps bugs.

Jessie:
I think he looks a little pale.

Kelly:
Maybe he's sick.

Zack:
Why would he be sick? (Screech walks over) Hey, Screech, come here. Take a peek at Artie. Does he look any different to you?

Screech:
No.

Zack:
See?

Screech:
Except for the fact that he's dead.

Jessie:
(singing) Oh Artie boy, the bugs, the bugs, are buzzing. There's gnats and ants, mostquitoes on the fly. And there'll be bugs for breakfast lunch and dinner in that big chameleon banquet in the sky.

Bayside Glee Club (singing their school song):
It seems like only yesterday we started, but soon we'll put away our books and pens. We'll go on with our lives once we have parted, but how can we say farewell to our friends? The double dates, the parties, and the dances, crammin' for a midterm until 3:00. The football games, the Max, and the romances, soon Bayside will be just a memory. Our 4 years here have all become unraveled, and so our high school story finally ends. But years from now, no matter where we've traveled, we'll all look back and think about our friends.

Zack:
We all have one last message for the class of 2003.

Jessie:
Take care of our planet so that the kids of 2103 can enjoy it as much as we do. Peace and love.

Slater:
Bayside was the first real home I ever had, so be good to it or I'll come and get you.

Lisa:
All my fashion secrets are taped to the back of my old locker, number 144. In the meantime, keep on rocking, Bayside.

Screech:
Class of 2003, let me leave you with one wise thought. Be kind to all geeks, dweebs and nerds. Ten years from now, they'll be the ones with all the money.

Kelly:
No matter what happens, keep on smiling and when life hands a lemon, make some lemonade.

Zack:
High school is the best time of your life. So love, live it, and if you have any time left, do some homework.

Jessie (after Lisa gives Screech a kiss):
Lisa, I thought you didn't like him. Why did you kiss him?

Lisa:
I'm gonna miss him, he's a decent guy.

Jessie:
Lisa, he once got dressed, and THEN took a shower. He may be decent, but he's still a dorky guy.

Lisa:
Well, if it wasn't for that "dorky guy," you wouldn't be valedictorian! Ohhhh...

Jessie:
Valedictorian? What do you mean?

Lisa:
Forget it. I promised not to tell.

Jessie:
Lisa! I have to know! How did he make me valedictorian?

Lisa:
All right. Screech's average was higher than yours, but he told Mr. Belding to let you be valedictorian because it meant so much to you. This sure would be a much better world if there were more dorky guys, don't you think?

[last lines of the series]

Zack:
How about that? I actually graduated high school! [jumps off the stage] Right here, guys! [graduation caps go flying as the studio audience applauds and the theme song plays one last time]

Mr. Belding:
Hey, hey, hey. *What* is going *on* here?

Zack:
I like school... it's a good way to kill time between weekends.

Zack:
You know, I've finally found out the best thing about high school: once you graduate, you don't have to come back.

Slater:
What, no rose for me, preppie? And I thought we were real close.

Zack:
Slater, face it. It's over.

Lisa:
If you don't get rid of Linda, I'm gonna throw her out the winda.

Jessie:
I have had it with Eric. He took my TV, my hairdryer and my room. I am in crisis.

Kelly:
You sound like you're on 'Thirtysomething.'

Lisa:
Yeah, I have all these problems, and there's no one ever there for me. I talk and talk and talk, but no one ever listens.

Jessie:
If any of you sweeties dares bid on my Slater, I'll hunt you down in the street like a rabid dog.

Jessie:
Your understanding of politics is limited to who won the election on 'Sesame Street'.

Lisa:
Girl, if I were Leslie, I woulda slapped you until my hand hurt, and then I woulda slapped you for making it hurt.

Kelly:
Who are you?

Screech:
Oh, I'm, uh, I'm- Sinead O'Connor.

Kelly:
That's a very famous name. You have a hit song in the charts, you know...?

Screech:
Oh, uh, that's the other O'Connor. She's my niece. She learned from me.

Lisa:
You taught her everything she knows?

Screech:
Oh, that I did. Now she can clean toilets with the best of 'em.

Jessie:
Slater, since we're together, I think we should share the household chores.

Slater:
Sure, you cook and I'll eat.

Mr. Belding:
Zack, just because you always park your car in that same spot, does not mean it's official.

Zack:
Then make it official, just like my seat in detention.

Jessie:
You macho pig.

Slater:
Oink oink, baby.

Slater:
You are a very strange person.

Screech:
[flattered] Well, thanks for noticing.

[Jessie and Slater are at war with each other]

Mr. Belding:
I wanna know what's going on right now.

Jessie:
[pointing to Slater] Ask brillo-head, he started it.

Mr. Belding:
Well, Brillo-He - I mean, Slater...

Slater:
Ok, Preppie. While you're treading cola, Kelly and I are going to the beach.

Zack:
Kelly, this news disappoints me verily! I thought you and I could go over some more scenes from "Romeo and Juliet".

Kelly:
Oh that's a good idea, Zack. Sorry, Slater.

Slater:
What? I don't believe this. You'd rather study than go to the beach?

Zack:
Parting is such sweet sorrow... chump.

Slater:
Hey, mama, wanna have a burger with a real man?

Jessie:
Sure, I'll go find one.

Slater:
What's the matter, Dad?

Slater:
My C.O. went A.W.O.L. with a G.L. from the P.X. I gotta go A.S.A.P. C U, A.C.

Zack:
You guys sound like an eye chart.

Mr. Belding:
Go to class, learn something.

Screech:
Hey, ya know what, Slater? With this microscope, your nose hairs look like the Amazon Rain Forest.

Slater:
If you don't get that thing out of my face, I'm gonna have the Natives come out and eat you.

Zack:
Lisa, you are looking lovelier than ever today.

Lisa:
Can the sweet talk. You're giving me a zit.

Kelly:
Jessie, let's go to the lost and found.

Jessie:
Why?

Kelly:
Because you've lost it.

Zack:
Maybe we could sell Screech to Exxon.

Slater:
Nah, they'd never buy a geek that doesn't squeak.

Jessie:
Do you realize we haven't argued for 15 seconds?

Slater:
It was 20, shut up.

Mr. Belding:
Zack, I am not a matador so take the bull outside.

[Screech is walking scrunched down near the floor]

Zack:
I'm sorry you were stuck in the file cabinet for so long.

Screech:
That's okay, just paint me blue and call me a Smurf.

Kelly:
[talking about Slater's dancing] Wow Slater, that was hot!

Zack:
Ha ha. Are you kidding? I moved better last summer when a bee flew in my shorts.

Louise:
Would you ever go steady with a guy named Moose?

Lisa:
Why not, you could always hang your coat on his antlers.

Lisa:
Some people get a little strange when it's time to see Nurse Butcher.

Jessie:
Not me, I'm in perfect health. I eat properly, exercise daily, get the right amount of rest.

Slater:
You sound like a commercial for Oat Bran.

Lisa:
What's wrong Kelly?

Kelly:
Men, especially Zack Morris.

Slater:
Hey, don't judge us by our worst specimen.

Jessie:
Eh, I hate coffee. Suzy, can I have another cup please?

Zack:
So why are you drinking it?

Screech:
What else is she gonna do with the coffee Zack?

Zack:
Use your head as a donut and dunk you in it.

Screech:
No way, my head would never fit in the cup.

Slater:
[talking to Jessie] Guys are great at math. It's just a shame you weren't born a man.

Jessie:
Yeah, it's a shame you weren't born one either.

Kelly:
She's my friend... but not my best friend. Actually, I hardly even know her.

Screech:
I'm leaving, too! I'll send for my ant farm.

Lisa:
Screech, stop and smell the roses.

Screech:
Oh, I smelled the roses once and a bee flew up my nose!

Screech:
Oh no, Zack! Last time you had an idea, I wound up naked in a jar full of jellybeans!