Saved by the Bell, Season Two

Zack:
Every time I call her she's washing her hair! Who washes their hair six times a day?

Slater:
You do!

Mr. Belding:
Now Zack, I know that you and Lisa are in charge of decorations, but this year's theme is not going to be (holds up a banner) Zack and Kelly's Prom!

Jessie:
I think it's reverse macho pigism and I don't like it.

Kelly:
(sadly) This is the first time I ever lied to my father.

Screech:
Forget going to the prom! We're through!

Lisa:
Wait a minute. You're not supposed to dump me. I'M supposed to dump YOU!

Lisa:
I have a map of every mall from here to Tijuana.

Alan:
Hey stop with fat jokes or I'll sit on you!

Zack:
OOO This is getting heavy. (mockingly)

Lisa:
9 seconds? I can't even get to the bottom of my purse in 9 seconds!

[Zack and Mr. Belding face each other in an American-Gladiators-style joust]

Mr. Belding:
I've been waiting for this day, Morris. This one's for you, and your sweet little girlfriend Kelly.

Lt. Chet:
Ready?! Go!

Zack:
Oh, hi, Mrs. Belding.

Mr. Belding:
My wife's here?

[Zack knocks him off]

Lt. Chet:
1 second! A new record!

Lisa:
By the way, are you married?

Lt. Chet:
By the way, yes.

Lisa:
By the way, adios!

Slater:
Let's look at the old scoreboard... I mean... hey... it's not THAT old.

Nerd #1:
[after hearing Slater on the air] Boy, that guy stinks.

Nerd #2:
Yeah, somebody should wave a skunk in front of him.

Screech:
[sees a picture of the Beatles] Hey, who are the three guys with Paul McCartney?

Zack:
That's the Beatles, you idiot!

Screech:
Paul never would've made it if he would've stuck with those wimps.

Zack:
[on seeing a picture of Mr. Belding mooning the school board in an old school newspaper] Woah, now there's a side of him I've never seen!

Jessie:
Well, looks like we have the Zack Morris of the 1960s.

Mr. Tuttle:
Miss Turtle, what is the first thing we do when we get behind the wheel?

Lisa:
Adjust the mirrors.

Mr. Tuttle:
Correct. And for what purpose?

Lisa:
To check my make-up.

Mr. Tuttle:
Miss Turtle, I suggest you study harder, or start practicing how to say "taxi!"

Zack:
Come on Mr. Tuttle. Any yo-yo can learn how to drive.

Mr. Tuttle:
Which explains why you are enrolled in this class!

Screech:
Once, my dad let me back his car out of the garage. Then he got mad at me.

Mr. Tuttle:
Well Screech, your father was probably just nervous.

Screech:
Well, he had a right to be - I forgot to open the garage door.

Lisa:
I hope your dad had "dork" insurance.

Zack is scheming to frame Slater. He meets Screech in the men's room

Zack:
Hey Screech, I hear you do a great Mr. Tuttle impersonation.

Screech{impersonating Tuttle}:
Indeed I do!

Zack:
Nice, can you show it to Mr. Belding?

Screech{normal voice}:
Certainly Zack, what stall is he in?

Zack:
Not here, you dingbat! Gives Screech his cell phone Call his office and do it! Draw him out and make him come to the storeroom.

Headmaster's office. Mr. Belding picks up phone

Mr. Belding:
Hello?

Screech{impersonating Mr. Tuttle}:
Hello Mr. Belding, this is Mr. Tuttle. I need you to do me a favor and unlock the door to the storeroom.

Mr. Belding:
Why cannot you do it yourself?

Screech:
Um, um, I am shaving my body hair so I can swim faster.

Zack winces, as does Mr. Belding on other line

Mr. Belding:
Sorry I asked! All right Tuttle, I will unsecure the storeroom for you. Now, is there anything else I can do for you?

Zack:
Good, now stall him for five minutes.

Zack departs men's room to set scheme in motion

Screech:
Would you please tell me the long story of how you became a headmaster?

Mr. Belding:
Well, if you insist. The year was 1956. Elvis was king, Eisenhower was in the White House, and I was in kindergarden on a finger painting scholarship. God, I loved those paints!

Mr. Tuttle (after Zack has been caught and forced to reveal his scheme):
Wow! Good plan!

Slater:
I was in the seat, I'll take the heat.

Maxwell:
Here's a buck babe, just for being beautiful.

Jessie:
Here's a dirty look just for being alive.

Slater (assuring Jessie what will happen to her on her date with a geek):
Once you go geek, you never go back!

Zack Looks like the King is dead...(strums broom)...again.

Slater:
Hey, Screech. Want me to get you anything? A Coke, some fries...a hot dog?

Screech:
(crying) Dog? (puts head on table)

Zack:
So what if they had him since he was a puppy?

Screech:
(squeaks) Puppy?

Jessie:
All right, one date. But Nerdstrom better keep his paws off me.

Screech:
(wails) Paws!

Mrs. Powers:
Zachary?

Zack:
(jumps up) Yes, Mrs. Powers? (crosses arms)

Mrs. Powers:
There's something wrong with the statue.

Screech:
There is?

Mrs. Powers:
Yes. (turns statue to the kitchen) Elvis likes to face the kitchen so he can watch me cook!

Mr. Belding:
Penny will meet you at the mall at seven.

Zack:
Why at the mall?

Mr. Belding:
Because I don't want you to know where I live.

Zack:
That's understandable, sir.

Mr. Belding:
Another afternoon in detention, number nine in the series...

Zack:
No, I think that's number eight.

Mr. Belding:
No, number eight was when you sold the school to the Japanese.

Zack:
Ahh...What was wrong with Honda High School?

Zack:
Screech, I'm going to do you a favor.

Screech:
Last time you did me a favor, I ended up naked on a bus.

Zack:
Look, you had a window seat!

Zack:
Have I ever told you that you are the best headmaster in Bayside, no make that California?

Mr. Belding:
Zack, I am not a matador, so take the bull outside!

Jessie:
What the little brownnoser is trying to say is may we hold a carnival on school grounds to raise money for this ski trip.

Mr. Belding:
Good idea, do it! [Students are glad at getting Mr. Belding's approval and depart his office save for Zack, who is stopped] Zack, I want to talk to you about something else. Do the letters F F D C have any meaning to you?

Zack:
Fine feathered dogs and cats?

Mr. Belding:
No!

Zack:
That is OK, I like this game!

Mr. Belding:
F F D & C are your respective grades in biology, English, geography and math!

Zack:
I do not believe it...a C? I had no clue I was doing that well in math!

Mr. Belding:
Zack, you are flunking. Now I want to meet with your father on Thursday at 1100.

Zack:
Hold on sir, my mother is the one who comes to meet you. After all, she has her own parking space.

Mr. Belding:
She also has no clue about what kind of a student you really are.

Zack:
Well, you gotta love her!

Mr. Belding:
No father, no ski trip!

Zack:
I want my mommy!

Zack:
This week is our geometry midterm. Hey, I'm not worried, I always sit next to smart nerds.

Jessie:
[sings] I'm so excited! I'm so excited! [starts to cry] I'm so... scared!

Mr. Belding:
Class, this is my brother... Rod Belding.

Screech:
Wow. A building with two Beldings, one of whom is balding.

Kelly:
Zack, we have all our luggage accounted for and the buses are here. Where is Rod?

Zack:
Yeah, that is weird. I will go to Mr. Belding's office. I am sure he will know.

[Zack proceeds to Mr. Belding's office but stops himself when it looks as if the Belding Brothers are arguing]

Mr. Belding:
No, you are not going to leave the students hanging! You talked them into whitewater rafting, and by God, you are going to captain their rafts!

Rod:
Oh come on Richard, you have to agree. This girl Inga, she is a stewardess in town only for this week. You have to see her, she is a 10!

Mr. Belding:
What am I supposed to say to the students? They cannot go on their long-awaited school trip because you are blowing them off to have a fling?

Rod:
Life is short, man.

Mr. Belding:
Get out of my office, and never set foot in Bayside High School again!

[Rod departs headmaster's office; Zack ducks by a row of lockers to avoid his line of sight; Mr. Belding proceeds to the entrance area]

Mr. Belding:
May I have your attention, please? I have some bad news. My brother Rod cannot join you, because he has the flu. [class groans] Hold on, everybody. I do not wanna spoil it for you, and you require a chaperone, so here I am. [class is now cheerful]

Kelly:
But Mr. Belding, you said you are scared to go rafting.

Mr. Belding:
Now is good a time as any for me to overcome it. Let us get going!

[the class proceeds to board buses, as does Mr. Belding, but Zack motions to speak with him in private]

Zack:
Mr. Belding, I saw what really happened in your office. How come you covered up what Rod did?

Mr. Belding:
I am sorry you had to see that. I did not think it was appropriate for me to tell the class of that, besides I know how much you kids looked up to him. Heck, Rod always was the cooler of the Beldings.

Zack:
Maybe so, but we got the better Belding.

Jennifer:
Good morning. My, don't you look nice!

Zack:
[deep voice] Hey, there, Jennifer.

Jennifer:
How are you feeling today?

Zack:
Light headed, like I am in love.

Jennifer:
This is a most unusual reaction to a flu shot. Sit down and wait here.

[she closes the curtain and departs the station just as Slater arrives; Zack is mistaken by retreating footsteps]

Zack:
Jennifer, is that you?

Slater:
[falsetto] Uh-huh

Zack:
Jennifer, I must admit I have feelings for you.

Slater:
Oh?

Zack:
Jennifer, are you not going to come in?

Slater:
Nuh-uh.

Zack:
Fine.

[he pulls back the curtain to see Slater]

Zack:
ACK! What happened to Jennifer?!

Slater:
Who cares? Take me! I am yours!

Zack:
What did you hear?

Slater:
Enough to dissolve your relationship with Kelly! You have a vulnerability, but then again, so do I. I can strike a deal to keep this between you, me and the curtain.

Zack:
What do you propose?

Slater:
How would you feel about taking another flu shot?

Zack:
Deal.

[Nurse Butcher enters]

Butcher:
Okay. Which one of you is A.C. Slater?

Zack:
I am.

Butcher:
Bend over, Blondie.

Slater:
I guess we won't be going anywhere now.

Zach:
Let's go home guys. (They start to leave)

Mr. Belding:
Hold on, everybody. I may not be a great rafting expert like Rod or even as cool a guy, but I would like to try and take you.

Jennifer:
Good morning. My, don't you look nice!

Zack:
[deep voice] Hey, there, Jennifer.

Jennifer:
How are you feeling today?

Zack:
My head is feeling hot.

Jennifer:
This is a most unusual reaction to a flu shot. Sit down and wait here.

[she closes the curtain and departs the station just as Slater arrives; Zack is mistaken by retreating footsteps]

Zack:
Jennifer, is that you?

Slater:
[falsetto] Uh-huh.

(Everyone groans and slater says why not?) Mr. Belding:
He has the flu. He's very sorry to dispoint all of you.