Sea Patrol, Season Five (2011)

Mike:
You hear there, this is the captain speaking. We’ll be in port within the hour. Once along side, those not on watch will be free to enjoy some R and R.

2Dads:
Yes! What do you say, ROey, you gonna cut lose tonight or what?

RO:
Sadly I’m on watch, 2Dads.

2Dads:
Ah, bummer. What about you, Bird? [Mimes having a drink.]

Bird:
Uh, I’ve got food to prep for tomorrow.

2Dads:
How boring are you guys? Looks like I'm gonna have to have enough fun for the three of us!

Mike:
Remember 2Dads, this is a good will visit. Let’s not wear out our welcome on the first night.

Charge:
I’ll keep an eye on him, sir.

Kate:
Who’ll keep an eye on you?

Dutchy:
Ah, that’d be my job, ma’am.

Kate:
That doesn’t fill me with confidence, either.

[The crew laughs.]

Dutchy:
Oh, would you look...?

Kate:
Captain has the ship.

Dutchy:
What rubbish!

Kate:
You know, I might just have to come along and keep an eye on all of you.

Swain:
Can you tell me what day it is?

2Dads:
Luckiest day of my life?

Swain:
You got that right.

RO:
You okay? I heard you got dumped.

2Dads:
Who told you that?

RO:
Bird. She heard it from Dutchy, who heard it from Swain. It’s ironic, isn’t it? That you got dumped via email, communication being the cornerstone of any successful relationship.

2Dads:
Since when are you an expert on relationships?

RO:
Oh, no, I don’t claim to be. I’m an expert on communication.

2Dads:
[Chuckles.] Now that’s ironic.

Roth:
It’s good to see you Kate. I’ve been wanting to drop you a line for a while now.

Kate:
So you thought that you’d just drop out of the sky instead?

2Dads:
Ah, I’m a free man. You know what that means, yeah?

Charge:
Yeah. You can make a fool of yourself getting rejected by a whole bevy of beautiful women.

[They all laugh.]

2Dads:
No, no, no. Not when you guys tell them how I single-handedly saved a warship!

All:
Oh.

2Dads:
Warship! Come on, right there.

Swain:
Get used to it, Bird, he’ll be dining out on this for years.

Charge:
By the way, your shout, 2Dads.

Roth:
You heading out with the others?

Kate:
No such luck, I’m afraid. I’ve got a report that I need to finish.

Roth:
Forget about paperwork. Come and have a drink with me.

Kate:
Well, I... [She glances up at the ship. Roth turns to see Mike watching them.]

Roth:
Sorry. I just assumed that nothing was going on seeing as you’re still serving on the same ship.

Kate:
Well, there is nothing going on. But Mike is resuming a shore posting in a few weeks, so...

Roth:
Right. I’m happy for you, Kate. [They shake hands.] Good to see you. [He waves to Mike as he leaves.]

Dutchy:
Wrecked your uniform.

Kate:
Well, fortunately I have others.

Bird:
Don’t you read the social calendar?

2Dads:
I like to be spontaneous.

Ryan:
How's Mike?

2Dads:
Strangely unimpressed.

Kate:
[About Mike.] Believe me, he’s done his fair share of toga partying.

Dutchy:
[To 2Dads and Bird.] Behave, chicken legs.

2Dads:
You didn’t kill the guy. Did you? (Dutchy gives him a look.) I’ll take that as a no.

Dutchy:
Hey Swaino, few of us are going down the pub for a few... [Swain brushes past him and ignores him.] Yeah, good chat.

Ryan:
Do I... [Indicates a salute.] I don’t need to do that, do I?

Dutchy:
Only on Wednesdays.

Mike:
Do you usually listen to unused frequencies?

RO:
Yes.

RO:
That’s Swain for you. Always going out on a limb for strangers. I would never do that.

Mike:
..and I trust your judgement.

Kate:
(smiles) Thank you.

Kate:
..But regarding Ryan - his reluctance might have something to do with the test.

Mike:
How so?

Kate:
Well, I've heard that it's not exactly pleasant - the procedure.

Mike:
You think he might be afraid?

Kate:
He might just need someone to hold his hand.

Mike:
Kate I knew I could count on you.

Mike:
Kate, I cant help feeling the reason that you ended our relationship is because Jim Roth is back in your life.

Kate:
So you ambush me in the galley to ask me that.

Mike:
I've seen how concerned you are with his well-being.

Kate:
Yeah, but I don't want to discuss it and I don't think it is something we should be talking about in here.

Mike:
I just want to know.

Kate:
It has nothing to do with Jim Roth.

Mike:
Then what?

Kate:
I cant talk about it.

Mike:
Kate!... (she doesn't respond).. XO!

Kate:
Yes, Sir.

Mike:
You're absolutely right. It won't happen again.

[Swain and Bird are looking worriedly at a bite mark on 2Dads' leg.]

Swain:
These aren't mozzie bites, mate.

2Dads:
They're not? What are they?

Swain:
They're probe marks.

2Dads:
What?

Swain:
Does it hurt to sit down?

[Now Swain is smirking while asking the question.]

Swain:
Did they go rectal?

[Swain and Bird started laughing at 2Dads.]

2Dads:
You know if my head wasn't about to explode, I'll tell you where to stick yours.

[RO passes by, turns back and leans into the room.]

RO:
2Dads, there's a call for you.

2Dads:
From who?

RO:
ET. He wants you to phone home.

Dutchy:
[About 2Dads & RO.] I wouldn’t trust them to catch the clap at a Bangkok brothel.

RO:
Nature should be avoided at all costs in my mind.

[Bird and Dutchy at the wardroom, after Bird saved him, RO and 2Dads from 2 hunters.]

Dutchy:
How are you doing?

Bird:
Better than you, by the look of things.

Dutchy:
Looks can be deceiving.

[Bird looks down, contemplating.]

Dutchy:
Bird, the only reason we are still alive is because you didn't follow my instructions when I told you to run and hide.

Bird:
I wanted to.

Dutchy:
Which makes what you did all the more brave.

Bird:
Brave? Dutchy, I have never been so scared.

Dutchy:
Me neither. I'm very proud of you, Bird. You're a damn good sailor. The navy is lucky to have you.

[Bird contemplates what Dutchy said for a while.]

Bird:
I still hate guns.

[Dutchy gives Bird a small smile before she leave the room.]

Charge:
There seems to be a ring on my finger, and Lani has one too.

2Dads:
I hope Lani’s a girl.

Charge:
Do I look like a radio officer? Yes, she’s a girl.

RO:
Sir, this has just come in from Navcom. We’ve been requested to collect Captain Jim Roth from those co-ordinates.

[Mike and Kate both look up at Jim, who is already onboard.]

RO:
Oh. Yep. Okay.

Mike:
Ryan. There’s Ryan.

Charge:
Where?

Mike:
Wait here! [He runs off.]

Charge:
Sir?

Mike:
Ryan!

2Dads:
Did our CO just do a runner?

Kate:
What do you mean you lost the CO?