Spider-Man, Season 3

[about Doctor Strange]

Spider-Man:
He should take that act to Vegas. All he needs is a couple of tigers!

Dr. Strange:
I must warn you. The odds against us returning alive are astronomical.

Spider-Man:
Big deal. I've been through the Bronx. I'm ready.

[while they are flying]

Spider-Man:
Thanks for the freak trip, Doc. This is saving me a fortune on webbing.

Spider-Man:
Looks like they're closed for the night.

[to Doctor Strange after he opens a hole in a force field)

Spider-Man:
Remind me to call you if I ever lose my house key.

Dr. Strange:
Here we are again, Wong. About to leap into the unknown, to fight the deadliest battle of our lives.

Wong:
Exciting, is it not, Doctor?

Dr. Strange:
It is.

Spider-Man:
No offense, but you guys are really weird!

Dr. Strange:
You are a worthy ally in the battle against darkness. May the Vishanti watch over thee.

Spider-Man:
And may your amulets.. never.. tickle.

Taina:
They say a lot of silly things in there, but the pictures are good! Like this one, by that Peter Parker guy. Do you know him?

Spider-Man:
Sometimes too well.

Doctor Octopus:
Pingree? He had nothing to do with this, nothing!

Spider-Man:
It's working. He's losing his concentration. They're loosening!

Doctor Octopus:
Nobody gives me my due!

Spider-Man:
I'll give you your due!

Guard:
Freeze!

Dr. Octopus:
Did you say "squeeze"?

Dr. Octopus:
Is this the end of Octavius? Defeated by a child?

Spider-Man:
Face it, Ock. This kids today just have no respect for their elders.

Harry Osborn:
[Enraged] Hey, wait a second! They never recovered a body. There's still a chance my father survived.

J. Jonah Jameson:
Don't torture yourself with false hope, my boy.

Harry Osborn:
Don't call me "boy"! I am every bit the man that my father was. He considered you all his friends. [Holds up the newspaper] And look how you betrayed him! [Slams down the newspaper] If he really is gone, then you are all guilty of driving him to his destruction.

Wilson Fisk:
Young Mr. Osborn does have a point. His father's demise cannot yet be proven. Therefore, I suggest we table the issue of his replacement for the moment. I move that this meeting be ajorned.

[Harry stands up and makes his way to the doors. He looks back angrily at the board members before exiting.]

Spider-Man:
All right, Hobgo- You're not the Hobgoblin!

Green Goblin:
How observant you are! No, I'm not the Hobgoblin, meddler – I'm the Green Goblin! Not that you'll live long enough for it to matter!

Spider-Man:
Do you have any idea what these high-profile kidnappings have in common?

Lt. Lee:
Yeah, but why should I tell you? Just because you saved my life once?

Spider-Man:
Twice, but who's counting?

Spider-Man:
Leave these two alone and we'll settle this just between us.

Green Goblin:
Are you joking?! The more, the merrier!

[catching Mary Jane snooping around Oscorp]

Green Goblin:
Well, well, someone's spying on me. Didn't you know that curiosity killed the cat?!

[to Fisk]

Green Goblin:
And you, the worst of them all! Your sins are exceeded only by your gut!

Green Goblin:
Justice will be served! And all of you will suffer for your crimes against Norman Osborn! [flies to a small replica of the Statue of Liberty, with a cloth covering its face] Because justice is blind NO LONGER! [pulls away the cloth to reveal a mask like his own, and laughs]

Spider-Man:
All you megalomaniacs have such a weird sense of humor!

Jameson:
What's your angle in this?

Spider-Man:
Saving your ungrateful life.

Jameson:
[Enraged] Why I oughta–!

Mary Jane:
Mr. Jameson, come on!

Green Goblin:
There is only one true goblin! THE GREEN GOBLIN!!!

Spider-Man:
I always did wanna hang with the homeboys.

Peter:
One please, with lots of mustard.

[Choi ducks behind cart]

Peter:
Why's my spider-sense going off?

Choi:
[pulling out a gun] Don't move!

Peter:
So are you trying to tell me this thing is bad for my cholesterol?

Peter:
I hate the sewer! Whenever I have to use it, I'm eternally grateful I wasn't bitten by a radioactive rat.

Peter:
Anna Watson activated my spider-sense. She must be really mad at me.

Spider-Man:
Nice moves!

Mary Jane:
Hey, I'm a single woman living in New York. Self defense classes are a must!

Spider-Man:
Uh, can you guys tell me where the little spiders' room is?

Madame Web:
Please get off the floor. I just dusted it for cobwebs.

Spider-Man:
Ugh, seriously? Madame Web, again?! I'd much rather take Smythe.

Robbie:
Randy! [turn on the light] What are you doing?!

Randy:
Nothing.

Robbie:
Nothing? [showing him a gun] You called this nothing? What do you want my own service revolver? Don't you know how dangerous these things are? [Looking at the blue bandana inside of Randy's pants pocket and take it out of it] What is this?! You're not in that gang, are you? ARE YOU?!

Randy:
What if I am? At least, they care about me!

Robbie:
And you think we don't?

Randy:
[restrained from Robbie] The posse's always there for me, like a family. And I'm gonna prove myself to it.

Robbie:
Randy, you don't have to-

Randy:
You just don't understand!

Spider-Man:
Wow. Looks like Robbie's got the bad news already. [phone's ringing]

Robbie:
[Picks up the phone] Hello...?

Tombstone:
Hey, homey. What's up?

Robbie:
Who is this?

Tombstone:
Don't tell me you forgotten my voice, Mr. Straight-Arrow.

Robbie:
Lonnie? But, it can't be! I thought you were-

Tombstone:
Don't be so sure I'm not. I wanna meet and talk about old times.

Robbie:
I-I-I can't right now.

Tombstone:
Oh yes, you can. See I especially want to rap about my good friend of mine, a foxy lady by the name of Alisa Silvermane.

Spider-Man:
What's wrong with Robbie? He looks like he seen a ghost.

Tombstone:
Meet me at Veterans Memorial Park: midnight.

Robbie:
[Hangs up the phone] Something urgents come up at the Bugle. I have to go.

Randy:
Yeah. [Imitates Robbie] Something urgents always coming up....

Robbie:
You go straight to your room, we'll continue this when I get back. [Walks out of the house door]

[pinning Spider-Man]

Tombstone:
I'm gonna prepare a coffin for you. A real flat one, brother!

Spider-Man:
He ain't my brother, he's heavy!

[about Madame Web]

Spider-Man:
I don't know why this strange mystic decided to be my adviser, but I really wish she'd just leave me alone and get her own talk-show!

Tombstone:
Come down here and fight like a man!

Spider-Man:
I don't suppose I could convince you to come up here and fight like a spider. [Tombstone picks up the railing pole and swings at him while Spider-Man dodges it] Now, why I tell you about playing ball in the house, young man?

[Tombstone hits him and Spider-Man spins a web at Tombstone around his ankle, and trips him to fall against the chemical pool]

Spider-Man:
You better stay still. Another swim in that chemical soup, and your hair might turn green.

Randy:
[Runs down the stairs to his father] Dad! Dad, come on! We gotta get outta here before the police come!

Robbie:
We're not going to run, son. We're gonna stay here and face the consequences together.

Randy:
But your reputation–!

Robbie:
Don't you see? [Puts his hands on his son's shoulders] You're more important than anything else to me.

Randy:
[Sobbing] I'm sorry, Dad.

[Robbie and Randy embrace, with Spider-Man looking on.]

Robbie:
I'm here for you, Randy. I'll always be here.

Cop:
Cletus Kasady, come out and nobody gets hurt.

Cletus Kasady:
"Nobody gets hurt"? Man, what fun would that be?!

[and throws a grenade to the cops]

Cletus Kasady:
[activating a bomb] In thirty seconds, I'll see you all in-

Spider-Man:
[snatches the bomb] Thanks, big-mouth! Now I know how much time I have!

Spider-Man:
Madame Web, you don't surprise me anymore. This time I knew it was you.

Madame Web:
I see nothing clever in that Spider-Man. You've always been awfully good at deducing things that are pathetically obvious.

Spider-Man:
Gee, thanks. Uh, don't tell me you teleported all this way just to insult little old me?

[referring to Madame Web]

Spider-Man:
She wants to make a warrior out of me. Warrior? Me? Heck, I'm still fighting acne!

[Being escorted to his cell]

Cletus Kasady:
Man, what a dump! No pool, no stereo, and weirdos everywhere you look!

Cletus Kasady:
[to Dr. Ashley Kafka] Don't I get a goodbye kiss, or are you afraid I'm gonna bite?

Eddie Brock:
Hey, you! Shut up!

Cletus Kasady:
Hey, man, I could eat you for breakfast!

Eddie Brock:
Oh yeah?! Well, I'd give you indigestion... "man".

Venom:
This wasn't your fight! It is now, little man of iron!

War Machine:
Iron Man's the other guy, but thanks for the compliment.

Venom:
[to Carnage] You may be our spawn, but that won't keep us from destroying you!

[Jameson tries to unmask Spider-Man, but War Machine stops him]

War Machine:
Hold it! I think he looks good in a mask.

War Machine:
Tony, I'm sorry, I let you down.

Tony:
Nonsense, my friend, you soften him up. Now, I'm gonna send someone to finish the job!

Spider-Man:
Who's he gonna send?

War Machine:
The guy named Iron Man!

Venom:
Why, if it isn't our old boss. [picks up Jameson by the leg] Perfect appetizer. [spots Peter Parker] Ah, and here is the main course. [shoot web at Parker Parker tying him to a video camera] This is what we call service.

Dr. Ashley Kafka:
No, Eddie!

Venom:
You?

Dr. Ashley Kafka:
Eddie, listen to me. It's the symbiote that compels you to violence. You must fight its influence.

J. Jameson:
Yeah, Brock. D-D-D-D-D-D-Don't hurt me. I've always thought the world of you. [Venom gently puts Jameson down as Dr. Ashley approaches him] Stay away from him, Kafka. [crawls away from Venom]

Dr. Ashley Kafka:
Eddie.

Peter Parker:
[voice over] Venom's appearance here caught me off guard. [frees himself from Venom's web] But, Dr. Kafka's bought me some time.

Dr. Ashley Kafka:
You see, you are strong enough. You can reject it.

Eddie Brock:
No, Ashley. Our other is too strong!

[as Baron Mordo attacks]

Spider-Man:
Careful! They're some kind of mystic bolts!

Iron Man:
Didn't think they were spit-wads!

Kingpin:
I have been waiting for this moment for some time.

Spider-Man:
What do you have in mind, a pie-eating contest?

[grabs Spider-Man and begins bear hugging him]

Kingpin:
Approximately two percent of my body mass is fat. Allow me to show you what three hundred and fifty pounds of muscle is capable of.

Herbert Landon:
Why would you help them!?

Kingpin:
There's no profit to be made in the destruction of the planet. It's very bad for business.

Mary-Jane Watson:
Doesn't Felicia look radiant?

Peter Parker:
Maybe to you. But I'm holding the most beautiful girl in the room.

Harry Osborn:
I couldn't agree more.

Peter Parker:
Uh, Harry.

Harry Osborn:
So you do remember my name.

Peter Parker:
That's silly, Harry. You're my friend.

Harry Osborn:
If you look up " friend " in the dictionary, it says nothing about stealing away girlfriends.

Peter Parker:
Listen, I didn't steal-

Harry Osborn:
But you did. And for that, I can never forgive you, ever. Thanks a lot, friend.

Mary-Jane Watson:
He's got to accept the fact that I'm not his girlfriend anymore. I'm going to go talk to him.

[as Jason talks about his decor]

Peter Parker:
My Spider-sense was right about the danger. I'm in danger of being bored to death!

[To Hobgoblin]

Spider-Man:
Careful, Hobby. If I go kaboom, your toy goes up too! [Slings a web to swing]

Kingpin:
[Knocks down Spider-Man from swinging] The only one who will go "kaboom" is you! I am going to break you in two! [whilst bear-hugging Spider-Man]

Spider-Man:
He's... crushing... me...!

Green Goblin:
Stand back for the real Goblin!

Hobgoblin:
What?!

Green Goblin:
The Green Goblin!

Hobgoblin:
I thought you were just a rumor!

Green Goblin:
You're going to wish I was!

Green Goblin:
[fighting the Hobgoblin] You don't deserve to wear that mask!

[after the Green Goblin tosses the desk to him]

Hobgoblin:
How did you lift that?!

Green Goblin:
Because I'm the real deal, you cheap imitation.

Spider-Man:
You know, that laugh is getting on my nerves.

Green Goblin:
You?! Still alive?!

Spider-Man:
Alive and sticking!

Green Goblin:
PARKER! You've been a thorn in my side for too long! You've pestered me as Spider-Man!

Norman Osborn:
You've hurt my son as Peter Parker.

Green Goblin:
[insane cackle] WELL, IT ALL ENDS TONIGHT!

Spider-Man:
[after spider-sense tingling] Look out! [Places Mary Jane out of the way from the missile, floor cracks into an halfway and she falls off of the bridge and screams] Mary Jane! [Mary Jane falls into the vortex]

Spider-Man:
You'll pay, Osborn! If I have to hunt you down for the rest of my life,, YOU'LL PAY!

[Previously after the Green Goblin activated the vortex]

Green Goblin:
Help. Help me!

[The Green Goblin's mask slides off of Norman Osborn and falls into the vortex]

Norman Osborn:
Wh- Where am I? What's going on? Spider-Man, help me!

Spider-Man:
What on earth should I do that?

Spider-Man:
Hang on, Osborn, I'm coming!

Norman Osborn:
Hurry, I'm losing my grip!

Spider-Man:
Quick! Take my hand!

Norman Osborn:
I'm trying!

Green Goblin:
[insane cackling and controlling his gliding board]

Spider-Man:
Osborn, take my hand, it's your only chance!

Green Goblin:
There's no Osborn anymore, Parker, there is only the Green Goblin! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! [spider-sense around Spider-Man bend his head to dodge the Green Goblin's gliding board and it crashes him into the vortex] AAH!

[after Green Goblin is sucked into the vortex]

Spider-Man:
It can't end like this! MADAME WEB!

[Spider-Man then ends up at Madame Web's place]

Madame Web:
Yes, Spider-Man?

Spider-Man:
Can you bring them back? I'll do whatever you want.

Madame Web:
I can't!

Spider-Man:
Can't, or won't?

Madame Web:
This is the path that you chose for yourself. To do things on your own. Once that decision is made, there is no turning back. It is yet another thing that you have to learn.

Spider-Man:
[takes off his mask, enraged] LEARN?! I am tired of you, and your riddles, and your LESSONS, and your SUPREME ARROGANCE! Don't you ever, EVER enter my life again! Do you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Madame Web:
As you wish. I shall leave you for now, to resolve your recent losses. But it doesn't change the fact you are needed. And when the impending mission is nigh, I will call on you again. You cannot escape that. It is your destiny.

Spider-Man:
For so long now, I've tried to live up to the responsibility that comes with this great power. But when push came to shove, I failed the people who needed me most. The woman I love is gone. Gone forever.

[Falling around inside the vortex]

Mary Jane:
Where am I? Peter? Somebody, please, help me! HELP MMEEEEEEE!