Spider-Man, Season 5

[to the Scorpion after he kicked him away from the bank vault he was trying to break into]

Spider-Man:
Sorry Scorpion, you've exceeded your daily withdrawal limit.

The Scorpion:
You again. Why do you always show up no matter where I go?

Spider-Man:
Hey, I'm a superhero, remember?

[to the Scorpion]

Spider-Man:
Hey, you big green goof! Only a sissy would hide behind a defenseless lady.

Aunt May:
I couldn't agree more.

Spider-Man:
Heck, if she wasn't here, you'd probably have your mommy fight your battles for you, wouldn't you?

[to Peter about the wedding he's going to plan for him]

Jameson:
Nothing personal, but between Fisk and me, this wedding business is war.

Peter:
[to himself] Oh, fine.

Jameson:
And don't worry about paying me back, you can work it off over the next decade or two.

Peter:
Huh?

Harry Osborn:
Get on with it, padre!

Pastor:
And I now pronounce you-

Spider-Man:
Let her go, Harry!

Harry Osborn:
Never! Stay back, or I'll blow this place sky high!

Spider-Man:
Harry, if you really love MJ, you've gotta let her go.

Harry Osborn:
Not a chance! I'd rather see her dead than in your arms, you traitor!

Liz:
Harry! All this anger over imagined slights, but you can't even recognize your own mistakes!

Harry Osborn:
Liz?

Liz:
Harry, listen. Deep down, you know you and her aren't meant for each other. She loves Peter, but that doesn't mean that she won't always be your friend.

Harry Osborn:
No! You're lying! I don't have any friends, except the Green Goblin!

Liz:
You're wrong, Harry. I'm your friend, and for what it's worth, I want to be more than that. I love you, Harry.

Harry Osborn:
Y-You love me?

Liz:
Yes. But if you want that to, you have let the anger go.

Harry Osborn:
Someone loves me. [faints in Liz's arms] You're right, Liz. Take me back to Ravencroft. I-I really do need help. Beside, heh, I-I hate weddings anyway. And Peter, Mary Jane? I'm sorry for this. All of it.

Peter Parker:
[to himself] Apology accepted, pal.

[to the Black Cat through the monitor of his robot's head after it was knocked from the robot itself]

Kingpin:
I was a pleasure working with you, my dear. If ever you need a job...

Black Cat:
Shove it, Fisk. Next time, only job I'm doing is on you.

[kicks robot's head causing the transmission to be lost]

Pastor:
The ring, please.

Mary Jane:
[Peter puts the ring onto her finger] Oh, Peter, it's so beautiful! [hugs and kiss with Peter]

Pastor:
I'll skip the better or worse part since we've been through that already. So I now pronounce you husband and wife.

[Peter and Mary Jane Parker run out of the church down the aisle, Peter carries Mary Jane for their marriage]

Aunt May:
Please, be careful, dear. Your helping me move wouldn't be worth it if you sprained your back.

Peter:
Okay Aunt May, I think I can handle it. [to himself] After all, I do have the proportional strength of a spider. [trips on a toy fire truck] Of course that spider agility of mine could use a little practice.

Keene Marlow:
Let me talk to her. Now, why don't you go out and take a walk or something.

[to himself after changing into his Spider-Man costume]

Peter:
I need to do something all right, but I'll take wall crawling over walking any day.

[as Spider-Man sneaks around S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters through the ventilation]

Spider-Man:
Glad they haven't changed their ventilation system since I was here last.

Doc. Octopus:
Spider-Man, here?

Spider-Man:
It's so gratifying to be recognized. I must compliment my P.R. firm.

Spider-Man:
Happy to see me, big guy?

Rhino:
[chuckles] Delighted!

[to Spider-Man after chasing off the Insidious Six]

Nick Fury:
Spider-Man, are you okay?

Spider-Man:
Yeah. I'd love to chat about old times, but we've got to stop those goons.

[as he locates the Insidious Six, making their getaway]

Spider-Man:
At last, I found the six stooges again.

[as he hangs onto the Insidious Six's hovercraft by a web, while it flies over the city]

Spider-Man:
To bad this won't count towards my frequent flier mileage.

[to Robbie as the Russian police arrive]

Spider-Man:
I'd love to continue this chat, but neither of us needs to spend the night in a Russian jail cell.

[to Spider-Man]

Vulture:
Welcome to Russia, Spider-Man! Hope you survive the experience!

[to Spider-Man]

Shocker:
I'm gonna blast you from Red Square back to Times Square!

Spider-Man:
That

[to Spider-Man]

Doctor Octopus:
Is there no place on Earth where I can be rid of your meddlesome presence?

Spider-Man:
What can I say? I'm an international sensation, Doc.

[to the Insidious Six]

Spider-Man:
Did you guys come here on separate flights, or on one of those supervillain package deals?

[to Spider-Man]

Rhino:
I always wanted to send you and your big mouth to Siberia.

Scorpion:
Yeah, at least the trip won't be long, heh heh.

Spider-Man:
Don't suppose it's got in-flight meals or movies, right?

Kingpin:
I must say, this is an unexpected treat.

Spider-Man:
If I were you, Kingpin, I'd cut down on the treats.

Spider-Man:
You hatch a different crackpot scheme every week, Fisk, what makes this one so special?

Spider-Man:
World domination? Kingpin, y'know how bland you sound right now? Like, for real, tubby, be original for once! This's cheesy cartoon bad guy talk!

Silver Sable:
Sleeping gas is working!

[Silver sable and the Wild Pack gases everyone in the room.

[waking up from the sleeping gas]

Spider-Man:
Oh, my aching head. Now where am I?

[sees himself and the Insidious Six chained to the wall]

Spider-Man:
One thing's for sure, I gotta get better company.

Silver Sable:
I am not a criminal, Spider. I am merely a professional for hire.

Spider-Man:
AKA, mercenary. Means you just work for whichever creep pays the most. I think I prefer these guys over here.

[refers to the Insidious Six]

Spider-Man:
Because as bad as they are, you can't say they ain't honest about it.

[after Kragov is unmasked]

Spider-Man:
Kragov, the chief of police, why are you doing this?

Kragov:
Because Kragov is only an assumed alias, Wallcrawler! My name is Reinholdt Schimdt, my father is none other than the Red Skull! And through me, I will bring my father's dreams of world domination to fruition.

Spider-Man:
Wow, solid family business, lemme tell ya!

[as Kragov's base starts to collapse]

Spider-Man:
They just don't build these evil lairs like they use to.

[after narrowly escaping Kragov's exploding base]

Spider-Man:
Now that's what I call an E-ticket ride.

[to Kingpin about the Wolf Pack, as they are surrounded by the Insidious Six]

Spider-Man:
These guys don't talk much, chubby, but something tells me they're going to give you one heck of a fight.

[to her Wolf Pack]

Silver Sable:
Come, we must also be off before the radiation eats away at our flesh.

Spider-Man:
No kidding, one dose of radiation a lifetime is enough.

Rhino:
Say hello to the next duke in New Jersey!

Spider-Man:
The Kingpin gets the world and gives you Jersey? You need a better agent!

Mary Jane:
Morrie Bench?! It's not possible! I saw you evaporated to nothing!

Hydro Man:
Everything is possible for me, red. I told you, nothing could keep us apart. Not even an oblivion.

Mary Jane:
Morrie! [Hydro Man water blasts Peter Parker away] Leave my husband alone!

Hydro Man:
Husband? You think I'm gonna let this wimp stand in my way? Uh-uh... We would meant to be together. I'm taking you back to New York, red, and we're going my way! [takes Mary Jane when she's shouts into the water]

Peter Parker:
Mary Jane! [dives from the boat into the water, swim, grab Mary Jane's jacket and exhale out the water] MARY JAAANNNNE!

Hydro Man:
Mary Jane!

Mary Jane:
STAY AWAY! You stay away from me! [runs away from him]

Hydro Man:
Come back here, red. It's time we have a little heart to heart talk!

Peter Parker:
[Enraged] How dare you?! [Anna gasps in surprise] How dare you accuse ME of harming the one woman in the world I would give ANYTHING to protect?!

Black Cat:
I needed to be with somebody a little more light-hearted. Somebody like you, Spider.

Spider-Man:
Hate to say it, Cat, but you waited a lil' too long.

Black Cat:
[disappointed] Huh, guess I should've been more open.

Police Woman:
Yeah, she's here. But, she's being questioned.

Hydro Man:
[Smirking Whispers] Oh.

Police Woman:
Visitors aren't allowed.

Hydro Man:
[whispering talk] I think you can make a little acception at my case. [Splashes her]

Hydro Man:
[yells out to Mary Jane at the window when she's running out] Run all you want, red, you won't get far!

Spider-Man:
I don't mean to sound like Dr. Ruth, but Morrie, don't you think the lady's trying to tell you something? By evaporating you, boiling you, and fleeing in terror from you?

Hydro Man:
I am sick of your interference!

[to Hydro-Man]

Mary Jane:
I hate the sound of your voice, I can't stand to look at you...

Spider-Man:
And let's not bring up your personality!

Mary Jane:
[to Hydro Man] How can I live my life as a clone? As the part of you? [swipes her wrist away from him] I hate you!

Hydro Man:
Then you're just going to have to hate me for all eternity, as my wife!

Hydro Man:
NO! This is all YOUR fault! [Splashing at Miles Warren and Spider-Man saves Warren] You couldn't do it correctly! You should have never done it at all! [Continuing to splash Miles Warren and crazily splashing to destroy to lab]

Spider-Man:
Bench, stop! You're destroying the lab!

[As the Hydro-Man clone melts into a puddle]

Hydro Man:
No! It's happening too fast! [almost a melt-down] I want you, Red. [Water pipes explode] I want you! NO! [Being decayed completely]

[As the Mary Jane clone melts into a puddle]

Spider-Man:
Mary Jane. No!

Mary Jane:
It's too late. I'm falling apart too.

Spider-Man:
We'll get help. We'll- Warren! Warren, where the blazes are you?!

Mary Jane:
Forget it, tiger. He's gone. Oh dear! But-but b-before I go, I want to let you know just one thing, i-if any part of me is anything like the real Mary Jane Watson, she loves Peter Parker more than anything in the world. More than anything.

Spider-Man:
[Heartbroken and devastated] NO! [Mary Jane Clone is being decayed completely] MARY JANE! MARY JANE! [Starts screaming in despair as water floods the room and overwhelms him]

Miles Warren:
[calling Alistair Smythe] Ah, Smythe my dear fellow! Sorry to bother you. Tell Silvermane I need some repairs down here. [looks at Spider-Man's small piece of costume material] Perhaps, soon, I might make some startling advances!

[Spider-Man sits on top of the bridge]

Spider-Man:
What happened to you, Mary Jane? I can't go on without knowing. Not as Spider-Man!

Madame Web:
Oh, how wrong you are, Spider-Man. As usual.

Spider-Man:
Madame Web!? Seriously?! Of all times, you had to pick now to harass me? What do you want!?

Madame Web:
I still have something very important to ask of you. Have you forgotten that I have been preparing you this long while for the most important battle of your life?

Spider-Man:
Trust me, remembering all of my encounters with you, Madame Web, none of them ever struck me as preparation. I want nothing to do with you. Shove off.

Madame Web:
But suppose I told you I know where Mary Jane is and you will only be able to find her should you heed my task.

Spider-Man:
Listen, I'm not in the mood for lies, I'm done playing your game. Just leave me alone!

Madame Web:
I cannot! This is your destiny, Spider-Man. And believe it or not, now the fate of mankind rests on your weary shoulders. The greatest challenge you will ever face in your life. After all, responsibility means everything to you, does it not?

Madame Web:
He is the one. He alone can make the difference between existence and destruction. I wager that he may surprise you. Put him to the test.

Beyonder:
Just as we found you, we have scoured the Earth to find those who best represent the evil we require. Here, we have one Otto Octavius. Known to you as Dr. Octopus, who uses science to justify evil demons. He is a good first choice. In this place, we shall find another doctor, a tyrant who equates evil with power. He is so despised by his people, that they have hired assassins to eliminate him. Yes, I have use for this Doctor Doom. Now here's one who deludes himself into thinking that his evil can be dismissed because he has a just cause, he wants to save his father.

Spider-Man:
Alistair Smythe!

Beyonder:
Next, I have chosen one for whom evil is a disease, his brain poisoned by radioactivity.

Spider-Man:
Curt Connors. No! Leave him out of this! He's got a wife and a child!

Beyonder:
It is his alter ego, the Lizard, that I am after.

Spider-Man:
You gotta stop this!

Beyonder:
I desire only one more, one's whose evil is so strong, that it has transcended the boundaries of time, the Red Skull.

Spider-Man:
You had to send some of the Earth's most dangerous villains, to this peaceful, harmless world, and let them destroy it all then conquer it, just to prove evil is bad? [angry] You know, for some all powerful cosmic being, you're a few stars short a galaxy, pal!

Beyonder:
...choose your game pieces wisely for your only chance to save this planet and return home is to lead the fight against evil... and win.

Lizard:
This story your telling me is unbelievable. And yet, here I am with my rational mind trapped in this lizard body. I'm with you. I'll help you with whatever way I can.

Spider-Man:
Thanks, Doc.

Spider-Man:
We've always acted heroically because it was the right thing to do. Now, we can show this cosmic cuckoobird, the Beyonder, what we human beings are really made of!

Beyonder:
A most promising start. But there is still much to be done if the boy to survive complete annihilation. Soon, Spider-Man, you shall face the greatest horrors this universe has to offer.

Spider-Man:
Cat, you really have to hear us out.

Black Cat:
Talk fast and then we'll see how angry I still am.

Black Cat:
Let me get this straight, Spider. You brought me to this planet without my permission and now you want me to go on a suicide run? I just wish somebody had the courage to ask me first.

Spider-Man:
Cat! I hope you're still not angry with me

Black Cat:
I certainly am.

Spider-Man:
I'm sorry. Look, I didn't bring you here so we could fight.

Black Cat:
What did you bring me here?

Spider-Man:
I needed your support, Cat. You know how I think. You know how I like to operate. You and I work like a team. I just thought..

Black Cat:
That I'd make you feel better? Why do you always think you're the only one who's important? I left two young heroes back on Earth who need me too. Do you think it was fair to them to snatch me away just to hold your hand, Spider? Won't you ever grow up?

Spider-Man:
Well, we're certainly off to a wonderful start.

Captain America:
If it gets any worse it might be wise for us to turn back.

Spider-Man:
That's not an option. We keep moving. [to himself] You almost sound like you know what you're doing. Fact is, Mo probably does a better job of leading the three stooges.

Spider-Man:
Me and my big mouth, why didn't you just set 'em up on a date, Spidey? What am I feeling here? You need to keep your head in the game, Parker. You're leading a side in a war. If I screw it up, we're all feeling the heat.

Spider-Man:
I'm sorry. I know how much you both wanted the Red Skull.

Captain America:
Getting our cat back was much more important, to all of us.

Spider-Man:
Cat, I'm sorry, that I brought you here against your will.

Black Cat:
I'm not.

Spider-Man:
You're not?

Black Cat:
I mean, I was really angry, and yet here I am fighting along side of the greatest heroes of all time.

Spider-Man:
Yeah, Cap really is one great...

Black Cat:
I wasn't talking about Cap. You, Spider. And don't sell yourself so short. You're as good a hero as any. And you make for quite a competent leader. You've gotten us all this far. So trust me, I wouldn't want to miss sharing this action with you for all the world. Thank you.

Spider-Man:
This is starting to sound like a bad comic book plot!

Kingpin:
[to Smythe, regarding Spider-Carnage] Keep an eye on him. He's a powerful ally, but I see an evil in him far greater than anyone I've ever met.

[After the Kingpin finally learns of Spider-Carnage's plan to destroy all of reality]

Kingpin:
Why would you do this?

Spider-Carnage:
Ever since that spider bit me, the world has misunderstood me and tormented me. Now it's my turn. I'm gonna OBLITERATE YOU ALL!

Spider-Man:
How did you know the Peter Parker downstairs wasn't me?

Gwen Stacy:
He's nutty as a fruitcake! A girlfriend notices little things like that.

Spider-Man:
You don't know the half of it.

Spider-Man:
You can't do something this horrible! It just isn't in you – because it isn't in me. And you are me.

Spider-Carnage:
I'm more "you" than you'd ever ADMIT!

Stan Lee:
Who is that exotic lady?

Spider-Man:
Oh, her? She's my ride.

Madame Web:
Face front, true believer. We are going to find the real Mary Jane Watson.

Spider-Man:
[Surprised] What?

Madame Web:
It has been a long, hard journey. And I think you are finally entitled to some happiness.

Spider-Man:
Amen to that, lady. Amen to that.