SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 10

[The scene shows how Spongebob and Patrick are bored]

Spongebob:
[sighs] Your turn. [gives patrick the stick]

[Patrick hits the cup with the stick]

[Squidward and Mr. Krabs walk into the room and Squidward takes one of the comic books]

Squidward:
[laughs] You're a comic book geek!

Squidward:
Oh, that house was too dangerous for you. [feels his head hurt] Ow. Besides, it was just a house, but this is a castle with a moat and everything.

SpongeBob:
It's a long way from Bikini Bottom.

Squidward:
I know.

SpongeBob:
Huh?

Squidward:
I mean, don't worry about it. It's a short 11-hour commute to the Krusty Krab from here.

Nurse:
You can't dump your garbage here, sir

SpongeBob:
Oh, that's not garbage. That's my friend, Squidward. We're here to check in. [removes the trashcan off of Squidward, and his nose is covered with garbage]

Nurse:
Holy nostroly! You must be here for the nose job. Let's, uh… get your paperwork filled out.

SpongeBob:
[imitating the French Narrator as he reads the time card] 80,000 impressions later...

French Narrator:
Would you please stop imitating me? It is starting to get very annoying.

[SpongeBob is hiding in a dark cave where is body is morphed into an owl and starts singing.]

SpongeBob:
♪Who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who? Who... am I?

[jumps to a cave mirror and morphs into a question mark] Who am I? [morphs into a pineapple] I just can't remember.

[morphs into Pearl] Who am I? [imitates Pearl] I just can't recall.

[morphs into a handsome man and imitates him] Who am I to sing this somber song? When you've got six heads, there's something wrong.

[morphs into five of his friends] Who am I? [imitates his friends] Please tell me. [normal] Who am I? [imitates his friends] Do you know me?

[morphs into a female fish] My name could be Clementine [morphs into Fred] or it could be Freddie.

[morphs into two SpongeBobs] I just can't recognize myself. I don't know if I'm ready. [imitating his friends in a barber shop quintet] I'm ready!

[normal] Who am I? [morphs into a male fish] I have a right to know. [normal] Who am I? Am I friend... [morphs into Plankton and imitates him] or foe?

[normal] I have so many features. It makes it hard to tell. I don't know what my first name is. But my faces ring a bell.

[imitates Squidward] Who am I? [bell dings] [imitates Mr. Krabs] Who am I? [bell dings] [imitates Patrick] Who am I? [bell dings] [imitates Plankton] Who am I? [bell dings] [normal] Who am I? [phone rings] Hello?♪

Caller:
Hello. To whom am I speaking?

SpongeBob:
♪I... don't...! Know...♪

[As SpongeBob's song ends, his face shrivels.]

SpongeBob:
[appearing behind Squidward] Why don't you try taking a walk? Works for me.

Squidward [so tired he can't bring his voice above a faint groan]:
You know, normally, I jump up and scream when you appear like that. But I'm so tired, I'm just gonna take your stupid advice.

[Squidward lumbers into SpongeBob's living room with a vacant look on his face]:

Patrick:
SpongeBob, what's happening?

SpongeBob:
I don't know.

[Squidward's eyes close. He begins to snore and collapses to the ground in a deep sleep. SpongeBob quickly forms into the shape of a mattress and catches the octopus before he hits the ground. Squidward mutters in his sleep and fluffs SpongeBob's eyes like they're pillows. SpongeBob smiles warmly]

SpongeBob:
Aww, the poor guy was just sleepy.

Bus driver:
What some people won't do to cheat the system.

Patrick:
Hey, kids, I'm a...

[The kids scream at Patrick's clown outfit. Patrick screams and hides in the coral tree]

Mr. Krabs:
Hey, I'm not paying you to play hide-and-seek! These children want to be entertained! Get down here!

[Mr. Krabs shakes the tree and Patrick falls off the tree]

Mr. Krabs:
Whoa. [belches] This must be the place. [enters Ms. Mildred's room] Hello? Ooh.

[In the middle of the room, there is a large water bed]

Mr. Krabs:
Ooh-ee. That is one big—water bed?

[Mr. Krabs touches the bed and it ripples up to the top. On top of the bed, Billy is up there bouncing on it]

Billy:
Birthday cake!

Mr. Krabs:
Dogfish!

Billy:
Hi, Daddy!

Mr. Krabs:
Don't call me that! And stop jumping on that water bed! You'll pop it!

Billy:
Okay, Daddy!

Mr. Krabs:
[climbs up to the top] Get over here!

[Mr. Krabs jumps on the bed to grab Billy, but misses]

Billy:
Hah, Daddy!

Mr. Krabs:
Why, you little...

[Mr. Krabs jumps on the bed to grab Billy, but misses again. Mr. Krabs growls and tries to catch Billy. However, his pointy feet pops the water bed]

Billy:
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Mr. Krabs:
Uh-oh.

Billy:
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[The water bed explodes water]

[Squidward wanders into the fray of the party with a plate of Krabby Patties and his bottom lip pulled straight up over his nose]

Squidward:
Krabby Patty? Krabby Patty?

[a dirt-covered little boy runs up to Squidward and starts touching the patties]

Kid #1:
Ooh, ooh, oh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

[Squidward's nose slips out from his bottom lip and he holds the plate away from the boy]

Squidward:
You're contaminating the food! Just pick one.

[He holds the plate out to the boy again, but the boy sneezes on him- and the plate of patties. The octopus looks in horror at the plate of Krabby Patties covered in snot. The boy takes a Krabby Patty and runs off, laughing. Squidward shakes himself off]

Squidward:
I'VE BEEN INFECTED!!!!

[More children come and munch on the infected Patties. Squidward retches, causing the children to scream]

Squidward:
Who wants fooood? I'm a mindless drone with fooood, workin' for the man.

[He picks his teeth with a toothpick and then notices the band. There's even a clarinet player. He's so entranced that his eyes pop out onto the patties

Customer:
Eh-hem.

[Squidward stuffs the plate of patties into her mouth]

Squidward:
Here you go, princess.

[He rubs his hands together, chuckling]

[The scene changes to Squidward walking home until he notices that everyone is lining up inside SpongeBob's house, which is now named, "SpongeBob's Place."]

Squidward:
"SpongeBob's Place?" What in the ocean? [squeezes though some people] Pardon me. Don't mind me! [opens his front door] Just trying to get in my own front DOOR! [enters his house]

[Squidward takes his phone and calls the Health Inspector]

Phone Operator:
You've reached the Health Department. If you'd like to leave a message, wait for the cough.

[A person coughs through Squidward's phone]

Squidward:
Everybody's a comedian. This is Squidward Tentacles, and I'd like to lodge a complaint about my neighbor SpongeBob.

Phone Operator:
Um....

[At the Chum Bucket, with Plankton working on The Analyzer]

Karen:
Oh Planky-bear? Plankton? [Plankton ignores her] Plankton!

Plankton:
What? What is it, Karen? Can't you see I'm working there! [points right close to the electronic components of The Analyzer]

Karen:
Yes, but I wanted you to show you my new screensaver. [Shows a screensaver full of flying cake mixers] What do you think?

Plankton:
[sarcastically, not looking at her, and still building electrical components] Great.

Karen:
[rolls towards Plankton] You didn't even look.

Plankton:
Ehh... [looks at Karen] No, I didn't! Can't you see I'm working on my new molecular analyzer? [The Analyzer starts picturing whatever Plankton says] Now all I need is the smallest molecule of a patty and the formula will be mine!

Karen:
Just tell me if I should permanently upload the screensaver!

Plankton:
I said not now– [accidentally switches The Analyzer on and he gets sucked up by The Analyzer's tube] Oww-oww! [gets processed into the various machines. He gets smashed by a boot and flipped, dragged over by a robot hand to be wringed out by two other robotic hands. Liquid Plankton goes into another machine to be zapped and processed into binary dump. Plankton makes drowning noises as he is being processed into binary dump]

The Analyzer:
Analyzing... 30% mean guy, 20% spiteful monster, 50% evil butt-head. Sample is... 100% big jerk. [Pushes out Plankton, who is now back in his normal form] I have also analyzed your screensaver, Karen. It is most beautiful! [Rainbow appears on his screen]

Plankton:
No one asked you! [smashes The Analyzer with a wrench] Are you happy now, Karen?

Karen:
No, I'm not! I was just trying to make myself pretty for you, but do you even care? All you ever do is make stupid schemes about stupid sandwiches!

Plankton:
Stupid? Your new screensaver is stupid and it makes your processor look fat!

Karen:
[as her screen becomes fire] WHAT?!

Plankton:
Oop! Okay, let's all calm down before you say something you'll regret!

Karen:
You know what? No one talks to me like that! Get out!

Plankton:
I will not get out! This is my restaurant and no one can make me... [gets kicked out] ...Leave!

Patrick:
Hey, SpongeBob! [notices SpongeBob in his underwear] You're in your underwear. That's cool. [shoves a large envelope onto SpongeBob's face] I got your mail. What is it?

SpongeBob:
[pulls out envelope from his face] It's my life insurance. I got one for you too!

Patrick:
Oh boy, life insurance! [jumps around joyfully] Life insurance, life insurance, life insurance, life insurance! [suddenly stops moving in mid-air] What's life insurance?

SpongeBob:
I'm not sure, but I think that means for the rest of our lives we are protected. We can't get hurt.

Patrick:
[stares at the contract, closely chews the contract, then spits out the contract] This contract tastes legitimate, but I don't believe it! [squeezes moist contract]

[SpongeBob bounces inside his bubble boat and makes it go faster. A boat in back of the girls' boat crashes at seeing SpongeBob's bubble boat. Just then, a motorcycle cop comes by.]

SpongeBob:
Pleasant day for a drive, hey, Officer?

Motorcycle Cop:
Sir, I'm going to need to see your license for that, um...

SpongeBob:
[laughs] You don't need a license to drive a bubble.

Motorcycle Cop:
Hmm, I suppose you're right. Carry on, citizen.

[SpongeBob drives off with his bubble boat.]

[Plankton walks casually to Mr. Krabs' office, wearing a headset. Nobody notices him come in:
the customers are busy eating and Squidward is snoring away at the counter]

Plankton:
That's right, Karen. By the time those two knuckleheads figure it out, I'll be knee-deep in secret formula!... Yes, I'll wear my galoshes.

[Before the episode starts, there are a group of red people known as the Greek Chorus appear on the title card and they're talking to the viewers]

Greek Chorus:
Behold! We are the Greek Chorus! We'll narrate this epic tale...of stupidity!

[The title card music plays and the episode starts soon after]

Mr. Krabs:
Ah-ha! [picks up the patty with SpongeBob] You're gettin' sloppy, Plankton. Squidward almost squashed ya. [laughs and opens the door] Back to the bucket with ya!

SpongeBob:
No! No, Mr. Krabs! It's meeee! [gets kicked out and sent flying to the doors of the Chum Bucket] Whoa-ho! [lands safely on the floor]

[Karen scans SpongeBob.]

SpongeBob:
Ooh! [giggles] That tickles.

Karen:
Well, SpongeBob SquarePants, it looks like you lost a little weight.

SpongeBob:
Oh, hi, Karen. Where's Plankton?

Karen:
You landed on him.

[SpongeBob looks down and sees that he is sitting directly on Plankton.]

SpongeBob:
Hi, Plankton! [gets off]

Plankton:
SpongeBoob? Why are you so small? Is this a trick?

Karen:
Calm down. He's clean. I frisked him.

SpongeBob:
I didn't mean to get small like you, Plankton. It was a freak accident.

Plankton:
Huh? Who are you callin' a freak?! Wait a second. [giggles and takes out a tape measure] Hold this. [measures SpongeBob while he holds the tape; gasps] You're not small like me, Shorty! I am a towering half-a-millimeter taller than you! [laughs] I win! [laughs evilly]

SpongeBob:
Hooray! [lets go of the tape and Plankton gets himself tangled in it] I'll get that.

Plankton:
Don't touch that! [gets sliced up by the tape]

SpongeBob:
Oops.

Plankton:
[falls into pieces] Get him outta here, Karen!

Karen:
Way ahead of ya, Chief.

[Karen flicks SpongeBob out of the Chum Bucket and sends him flying into the windows of the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob slides down the window just as a purple kid comes by.]

Sandy:
Huh? SpongeBob, what's going on?

SpongeBob:
Oh, hey— [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other] Sandy. Patrick and I are— [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other again] in the middle of a sports game.

[Patrick jumps onto SpongeBob.]

Sandy:
This sure don't look like any sport I've seen before. [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other again.]

SpongeBob:
I believe it's called kickboxing, or something? [Patrick falls down.]

Sandy:
Well, whatever it is, it seems to be causing you lots of pain. [SpongeBob hits Patrick.]

Patrick:
Ow! Sure is. [gets hit again] Ooh!

Sandy:
Why not stop playing it if it hurts so bad?

Patrick:
We can't stop... [panting] Until we break our tie.

Sandy:
Says who?

[The trumpeters play and fog steams out from between the booths.]

Shark Son:
It's the rule giver.

[The crowd murmurs as Don the Whale, Frank the Muscular Goldfish, and Larry the Lobster carry Squidward, who is in a grim reaper outfit, onto the field. They set him down and the crowd cheers.]

Sandy:
I ain't never heard of a rule giver.

Squidward:
[flips his hood] I prefer "King of Sports," but you can never tell what will catch on with the small folk.

Sandy:
You're making up a game where SpongeBob and Patrick hurt themselves, and you won't let them stop?!

Squidward:
I'm just giving the people what they want.

Sandy:
That's pretty low, Squidward, even for you. I'm putting a stop to this. SpongeBob and Patrick have had enough! [SpongeBob and Patrick appear brutally beaten up by Squidward's so-called games.]

Squidward:
See? They're fine. Let the games resume. [Sandy grumbles and the audience cheers.]

Sandy:
Oh, I don't think so. Y'all want to see a game? Fine. Squidward, I challenge you to a game—a game of basketball. Winner decides the fate of SpongeBob and Patrick. [throws basketballs in Squidward's face.]

Squidward:
Huh? [the crowd cheers] Me? Play sports? No, no. I'm mostly in an advisory position.

Jimmy Gus:
Aw, come on! We came to see some action! Play the squirrel! Play the squirrel!

Crowd:
Play the squirrel! Play the squirrel!

Sandy:
See you on the court, Your Highness. [shoves the crown down Squidward's face]

SpongeBob:
Hey, where'd the new instructor go? Oh, well, I still have ten minutes left on my driving lesson. [singsong] Oh, Mrs. Puff?

[Mrs. Puff whimpers and her eyes widen. She freaks out and runs over to the solitary confinement cell, knocking on the doors.]

Mrs. Puff:
I'll confess to anything! Throw away the key! It's not safe out here! Let me in!

[Three police cars fall and crash behind SpongeBob.]

Officers:
Drive safely, and always wear your seat belt!

[Meanwhile, Squidward is going around the Lost and Found, looking for SpongeBob.]

Squidward:
Moron! I mean, SpongeBoooob?! I can't believe Old Man Krabs has held on to all this stuff. [notices a box of kazoos] Oooh! Kazoos! Why, I had a kazoo when I was a child...

[A flashback of a younger Squidward is shown.]

Squidward:
Everybody loved it!

[Little Squidward blows threw the kazoo, making music that is off-key. All of the children run out of the school, screaming.]

School Kid:
Oh! Ow! My ears! [sobbing]

[The flashback ends. Squidward looks through a box and sees clarinets in it.]

Squidward:
These are clarinets! In fact, these are all my clarinets! Wait a minute—these weren't lost! They were all in my locker! Mmm... [hears SpongeBob's panting] Now what could that possibly— [gets run over by SpongeBob]

[In slow motion, SpongeBob steps onto Squidward's old clarinets and breaks them as his runs.]

Squidward:
[groans and sees the broken clarinets] Typical.

SpongeBob:
Hey, speaking of lost, where's Squidward?

[Squidward, who is still in the Lost and Found, screams as he is being swept away in a river of the lost world. He blows the kazoo and continues to scream and even bawl uncontrollably as the Tylosaurus and Tanystropheus swim and stomp over him respectively.]

[Inside the Ice Cream Store, it was the most amazing thing Patrick has ever seen. There are sprinkle fountains, chocolate syrup waterfalls and rivers, candy cane trees, ice cream mountains, and an ice cream roller coaster that goes around tables. Patrick's mouth begins to water and he slowly walks over to the counter]

Lou:
And a good ice cream day to you, sir.

Patrick:
Yes, it's a good day for ice cream!

Lou:
And what's your pleasure?

Patrick:
Oh, I want your bestest ice cream for my bestest buddy, SpongeBob!

Lou:
Excellent choice, sir. One Heavenly Paradise coming up.

[Lou pulls the rubber cow utter and the Heavenly Paradise sundae comes down on a roller coaster cart. The customers cheer and applaud as Patrick's eyes glimmer. The trumpeters blow their candy cane trumpets and the sundae stops right in front of Patrick. Patrick jumps up and down in excitement and the Ice Cream Store employee hands him a spoon. Patrick grabs the spoon and gives the employee his coupon]

Patrick:
SpongeBob won't mind if I just take a little taste.

Ice Cream King:
Are you the exterminator?

Patrick:
Oh. [laughs] No. I'm not the extra gator. I'm here to redeem my coupon for a free ice cream! It's for my bestest friend, but it's out of date.

Ice Cream King:
[points to a pile of coupons] They're all out of date because I don't know what year it is.

Patrick:
I don't know what anything is. [he and the Ice Cream King look at each other]

Ice Cream King:
Are you smart or dumb?

Patrick:
[thinks for a bit] Apples?

Ice Cream King:
Genius! Let's see your head. [squeezes Patrick's head] I can't feel your brain.

Patrick:
[lifts his foot with his brain appearing in it] It's down here today.

Ice Cream King:
[lifts his foot with his brain appearing in it] Mine too! High 5! [they do a high 5 but end up hitting each other] Secret handshake? [they both slap each other and fly around all over the place until they stop] Perfect! You don't know the secret handshake either. Hey, I don't know your name. [pushes Patrick]

Patrick:
Hey, you're right! [pushes the Ice Cream King]

Ice Cream King:
[snatches the coupon from Patrick] This may still be redeemable according to the fine print.

SpongeBob:
Oh, hello, Patrick. What's up?

Patrick:
I was gonna give you this ice cream, [holds out the melted ice cream cone] but it melted. Instead, I got you this hearty handshake. [holds out one of Mr. Krab's claws]

SpongeBob:
Aw, I love hearty handshakes, but not as much as I love ice cream! [points to the Heavenly Paradise sundae in the middle of the living room; holds up a spoon] Care to join me?

SpongeBob and Patrick:
Whoo-hoo! [jump into the sundae and ice cream splatters all over the screen, which forms the words, "The End," ending the episode]

[Bubble transition to Squidward going to Rock Bottom on a bus.]

Bus Driver:
Last [raspberry] stop, [raspberry] Rock [raspberry] Bottom! [raspberry]

[Squidward exits the bus and two very creepy fish swim past him.]

Squidward:
[reads bag] "237 Rock Bottom." Oh, there it is! Oh, remember, Squidward, real artists embrace the unknown. [goes down the ladder] Uh, is anyone here? [raspberry] I've got a delivery from the Krusty [raspberry] Krab! [creepy fish come up and blow raspberries at Squidward as he screams in fear]

SpongeBob:
[screams as he appears next to Squidward] What are we screaming about?

Squidward:
MONSTERS!

SpongeBob:
Oh, they're not monsters, Squidward. They're my friends.

Angler Fish:
What's [raspberry] up, [raspberry] SpongeBob? Ha. [raspberry]

[The angler fish and gang put on party hats and dance as they blow raspberries.]

Squidward:
I'm an artist.

Mr. Krabs:
I'm rich.

SpongeBob:
And I helped. [laughs as the episode ends]

Everyone:
[singing] Squirrelly birthday, dear Sandy, squirrelly birthday to you. [cheering] Hooray!

[As Sandy is contacting Frenchy on her communicator, Squidward peeks out from beneath the rock. He watches as a fish eats a smaller fish, gets eaten by a bigger fish, and in turn that one gets eaten by a whale. He yells and pulls himself out.]

Squidward:
I'm going home to hide under the covers! It's every cephalopod for himself!

[He runs across the jellyfish fields, out into the light of Neptune's Moon. Sandy looks up from her communicator, sees Squidward blindly running into danger and gasps]

Sandy:
Frenchy, I gotta call you back!

[She runs after Squidward]

Sandy:
Squidward, you have to stay in the shade!

[Squidward trips up over his own feet and falls on his face with a crash. As he lies there, he hears a growl behind him. He turns over onto his back and sees a carnivorous purple fish swimming towards him to eat him. Terrified, Squidward crawls backwards a little, screaming]

Squidward:
Help!

[Sandy rushes forward to try to save him]

Sandy [stretching out her arms]:
Squidward, no!

[Squidward whimpers and feebly holds up a defensive arm as the fish growls and gains on him. Suddenly, as though it had detected him by radar, the light of Neptune's moon beams down on the frightened little octopus. He's bewildered by moon, but not entranced as before. He watches the light go, and looks down at himself, noticing that he has turned more green than usual. He promptly changes into a normal-sized, non-anthropomorphic octopus. Roaring, Squidward grabs the purple fish and eats it, before starting after Sandy.]

Sandy:
O.M. Jehosaphat! You don't see that every day!

[Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff fight each other again. However, now that Neptune's Moon is gone, they both revert themselves back into their regular forms. But unfortunately, the effects of Neptune's Moon also caused their respective clothing to dissolve into nothingness, thus leaving them naked]

Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff:
Oops. [cover themselves in embarrassment and run off laughing]

[Larry reverts back to his regular form as well. But he is also naked. He picks up a flower and uses it as a loincloth. Then he walks away. Pearl and Squidward continue fighting above Sandy's treedome. They both revert back to their regular forms. However, they're also naked as well. Pearl spits Squidward out from her mouth]

Squidward:
What is going on here? [gasps] MY CLOTHES! [screams and runs away]

Pearl:
[screams and runs away as she is naked] NO!

[SpongeBob and Patrick revert back to the regular forms, but they're also naked as well]

Sandy:
Aah!

[SpongeBob pulls himself off of Sandy's suit. Patrick giggles and falls off of Sandy's helmet. SpongeBob looks around and sees Sandy's treedome destroyed]

SpongeBob:
Um, Sandy, how come your treedome is broken and everyone's naked?

Sandy:
Well, SpongeBob, let's just say this has been the most interesting birthday I ever had.

French Narrator:
And, of course, Neptune's Moon is always followed by Neptune's Sun.

[The ground shakes. Neptune's Sun comes out of a volcano and shines its light on Sandy. The light then transforms Sandy into a realistic land squirrel. It appears that Neptune's Sun only effects land creatures while Neptune's Moon only effects sea creatures. Sandy chitters and crawls around inside her suit]

SpongeBob and Patrick:
You don't see that everyday. Jinx! Buy me a patty!

[They both laugh as Sandy chitters]

[Sandy summons Pearl to save her friends from Squidward]

Sandy:
Sic 'im, Pearl! Sorry, Sorry Squidward!

[Patrick flies off the track and lands directly near his house. SpongeBob pulls himself together and sends Patrick back to his house. Patrick steps on a pebble]

Patrick:
Ow! [strains]

SpongeBob:
Oh, brother. [falls asleep as he is completely tired from having such an eventful night]

Patrick:
Oh!

[SpongeBob sleep-walks into the street]

Patrick:
Oh, he'll be fine. [jumps on his rock and goes to sleep. As Patrick closes his rock, crashing noises are heard as SpongeBob is getting run over by the boats, ending the episode]