SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 4

Mr. Krabs:
Day, uh... [record scratch] anyone know how many days it's been? I've lost track.

Squidward:
[breathing heavily next to a pile of Krabby Patties] Forty-three... [gasps for "air", as the top of his head expands and shrinks]

Mr. Krabs:
NO!

[SpongeBob drops his Krabby Patty]

SpongeBob:
[gasps] Mr. Krabs! [knocks once on Mr. Krabs door and it opens] Hello? Mr. Krabs? [Mr. Krabs is shown head down on his desk] You alright? Are you sleepy? [pokes Mr. Krabs body knocking it to the floor, revealing an empty shell] Mr. Krabs! [sniffs his arm] I don't smell his pulse. [in the background, a fleshy and pink Mr. Krabs rushes past SpongeBob] What's that? [figure is behind a barrel] Is somebody there?

Mr. Krabs:
Don't look at me!

SpongeBob:
[surprised] Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
Leave me be!

SpongeBob:
[throws barrel away] You're alive! And naked...

Mr. Krabs:
[crying] It's true. I've molted.

SpongeBob:
What's molted?

Mr. Krabs:
It's when a crab gets too fat- um, er, outgrows his shell. It falls off!

SpongeBob:
Wow.

Mr. Krabs:
Argh, me back!

SpongeBob:
Are you hurt, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
[sarcastically while in pain] No. I'm just doubled over in pain, fightin' back tears in me eyes because it's a new dance craze! [wiggles his claws from side to side like he's dancing]

SpongeBob:
Oh, good, I thought you were hurt.

Mr. Krabs:
I am hurt, you idiot!

Mr. Krabs:
[enraged; gritting his teeth] So, where's me old mattress then?

Squidward:
Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I took care of that personally, too. I had it hauled away to the dump.

Mr. Krabs:
[jumps on Squidward] All my money was in that mattress!

Squidward:
WHAT?! Haven't you heard of a bank?!

Mr. Krabs:
NO!!

Police Officer:
Not so fast! This card says: "This was all MY idea! Love, Squidward." If Mr. Krabs doesn't pull through, you're going to jail!

Squidward:
Ooh... you did this, SquarePants! If you don't get Mr. Krabs' mattress back from the dump, I am going to mur --

Police Officer:
[clears throat]

Squidward:
...Help you do it myself.

Patrick:
Wow, he really does care.

SpongeBob:
Defense calls Plankton to the stand. [Plankton looks surprised; later, on the stand] Why did you go into the Krusty Krab that day?

Plankton:
To, you know, say hello to my once good friend, Mr. Krabs. What?

SpongeBob:
Are you sure it wasn't to make off with one of these? [he shows Plankton a Krabby Patty. Plankton starts licking his lips] Gotcha. Weren't you there to steal the formula of the most delicious, sweet smelling sandwich known to Bikini Bottom? Krabby Patty...

Plankton:
[continuously sweating] Uhh... uhh... uhh... [he tries to bite the sandwich, but SpongeBob takes it away. He takes off his fake casts] I can't take it! Gimme! Gimme, gimme, gimme! [jumps for the sandwich and grabs it, then he runs off with it] Yippee! Finally it's mine!

Mr. Krabs:
[grabbing the sandwich from Plankton] I'll take that!

Plankton:
Huh? No, no, no!

Mr. Krabs:
Once again, Plankton, the sweetest of life's joys has eluded your grasp. [he eats the Krabby Patty]

Plankton:
No, no, no, no!

Stickleback:
[bangs gavel] Has the jury reached a verdict?

Tom:
We have, your honor. We find the defendant not guilty... but he is cheap.

Mr. Krabs:
Thank you, SpongeBob. I was foolish not to accept your help from the beginning.

SpongeBob:
That's okay, Mr. Krabs. I made you a present.

Mr. Krabs:
A present? For me?

SpongeBob:
Close your eyes and hold out your hand. [Mr. Krabs does so. SpongeBob gives Mr. Krabs a "wet floor" sign with many nails in it. Mr. Krabs grabs it and starts yelling in pain] It's a "wet floor" sign. I made it myself.

Mr. Krabs:
Well, it'll do. After all, it's free!

Mr. Krabs:
Need some change?

Squidward:
No.

Mr. Krabs:
But why?

Squidward:
[slowly] Because I'm all out of MONEY!!!!

Squidward:
[angrily twitches his eye. As SpongeBob continues wiggling his toes, he furiously turns red and opens the front door] Alright, you two! OUT! [SpongeBob and Patrick realizing that they are in trouble walk out] And don't even think about dragging your empty skulls around here for the rest of the day. Or tomorrow, or next week!

SpongeBob:
Squidward, does that include--

Squidward:
YES, IT DOES! [furiously slams the door shut]

SpongeBob:
Gee, Patrick, do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?

Squidward:
[busts head through the door] YES, I WAS!!! YOU CALL YOURSELVES GOOD NEIGHBORS?! YOU'RE THE WORST NEIGHBORS... EVER! [angrily inhales] YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WEAR THOSE FEZZES! [takes SpongeBob and Patrick's fezzes off and rapidly stomps them into the ground]

SpongeBob:
Gee, Pat, maybe President Squidward's right.

Patrick:
Yeah, I guess we aren't good neighbors after all.

Squidward:
NO, YOU AREN'T!!! YOU'RE HORRIBLE NEIGHBORS! [angrily inhales again] AND STOP CALLING ME "PRESIDENT"! [pops his head back inside]

SpongeBob:
Come on, let's go. [he and Patrick walk off sadly]

SpongeBob:
[after pushing the button, which causes Squidward's house sit on top of Squidward] We did it, Patrick! [Squidward busts through from beneath the floor] President Squidward?

Squidward:
[calmly] No-no, don't say anything more. This was all my fault. I was the one who wanted to relax on Sunday. Now, if you'll be so kind as to leave... [SpongeBob and Patrick walk out the door] ...so I can get ready for work tomorrow.

SpongeBob:
Mr. President?

Squidward:
Shush.

SpongeBob:
But, we just wanted to--

Squidward:
[savagely yells loudly; echoing] GET OUT OF MY HOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSEEEEE!!!!! [sees an angry mob] Huh?

Scooter:
[angrily pointing at Squidward] There he is!

Angry Green Fish:
Are you the owner of this house?

Squidward:
Yes! Yes, I am!

Angry Green Fish:
Then on the behalf of the citizens of Bikini Bottom, I present you with this summons, to pay for the destruction of our town! You'll be doing community service, every Sunday, for the rest of your life. [leaves]

Squidward:
[stunned in shock] Huh? [twitching his eye nervously]

SpongeBob:
Hey, Squidward! You've got one of those, too? This will be GREAT! The three of us cleaning up Bikini Bottom! Well, see you next Sunday, President Squidward!

[Squidward twitches his eye in shock, noticing he was doomed]

Carl:
What's our motto here at Krabby O'Mondays?

Squidward:
[bored] "Sincere service with a smile."

Carl:
Well yes, but with the Krabby O'Mondays sprit! Now, Squidward, you wouldn't wanna have to talk to human resources. [A big buff fish threatens to punch Squidward from behind the HR door] Would you? So, what's our motto again?

Squidward:
[now nervous] Uh...uh. "S-sincere service..." [slaps himself and is now trying to look happy] "...with a smile!"

[The HR fish slides back into his room]

Carl:
Now you're getting it!

Mr. Krabs:
Hey, Carl, what have ya done with me restaurant?! Processed Krabby Patties? Computerized registers?!

Carl:
Look around you. Our customers are quite content with the contrived, and the mediocre. [customer falls asleep, snoring]

Mr. Krabs:
That's because they don't know what they're eating. [grabs a pile of the gray sludge from the Krabby Patty making machine in the kitchen, then walks up to a customer] 'Scuse me, ma'am. Do you know what's in that Krabby Patty you're eatin'?

Incidental 63:
No.

[Mr. Krabs shows her a pile of the gray sludge to emphasize his point. The customer gasps, screams at the sight of it and runs out]

Mr. Krabs:
See that? Without all your smoke and mirrors, no one would stomach this garbage!

Incidental 42:
What'd he say? Garbage?

[Customers notice what's in the Krabby Patties and everyone runs out. Mr. Krabs laughs as Carl takes out a book of rules, appears angry.]

Carl:
[annoyed] Eugene, you're in violation of your contract.

Mr. Krabs:
Rules! Here's a rule for ya: people can't eat stain glass barstools! [throws barstool into the big screen TV out of rage and takes the cash register to the kitchen] I'll show you automated! [runs off to the kitchen]

Carl:
[calls on his walkie-talkie] Mr. Blandy? Code red! Free thinker!

[Mr. Krabs shoves the cash register in the Krabby Patty making machine]

Howard Blandy:
Mr. Krabs, is there a problem here?

Mr. Krabs:
You better believe there's a problem! I used to kiss the ground ya walked on, Blandy! But after seein' this, I wouldn't even spit in your direction! Krabby Patties are supposed to be made by hand, one at a time!

[Cut to the kitchen, where the Krabby Patty machine inflates and about to blow up. Cut back to Mr. Krabs.]

Mr. Krabs:
Not on a conveyor belt!

[Krabby O'Monday's begins to shake and make sirens, as Mr. Krabs suddenly notices. Howard and his team suddenly stop, eyes blank. Gray sludge begins to leak out of the kitchen into the main room.]

Carl:
Oh my...

[The garbage blows up from the kitchen and blows everybody away off the Krabby O'Monday's including the employees. The restaurant blows up and got destroyed. Carl was seen floating away.]

Carl:
Does this mean I won't get that raise, sir?

Howard Blandy:
[he looks at the restaurant which is destroyed by the gray meat] It's ruined!

Friend:
We'll have to sell it. We'll be lucky if we get a fraction of what we paid for it. [Mr. Krabs drives up with boat full of suitcases]

Mr. Krabs:
I'll buy it for full price!

Friend:
Sold. We won't need your contract anymore. [rips off the contract] Nice doing business with you.

Mr. Krabs:
Pleasure's all mine. Now get out of me restaurant. [laughs while Howard Blandy and his friends walk away sadly in humiliation, leaving SpongeBob and Squidward] Well, we did it, boys. [puts the hats on them] The Krusty Krab is ours again. Ya know, in that fit of maniacal rage, I may have destroyed the restaurant, scared away all our customers, and forced us into bankruptcy because I returned nearly every penny I sold this stink heap for, but it was all worth it. And, I got back the love of me dear friends.

Squidward:
Really, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
No, not really. Get back to work! [he hands them Spatula and the Mop. SpongeBob was glad while Squidward was annoyed, leaving Mr. Krabs, who now pushes the key to open the register and ends with dollar signs, ending the episode]

SpongeBob:
[tearfully] Hi, Squidward.

Squidward:
SpongeBob, this infernal crying has to stop.

SpongeBob:
But Squidward, I...I broke my laugh box! [sprays a fountain of tears into his face]

Squidward:
[puts his tentacle hands over SpongeBob's eyes, stopping the tears] SpongeBob, there's no such thing as a laugh box! I made the whole thing up to get some peace from your insipid laughter!

SpongeBob:
You mean...my laugh box isn't broken? And it was a cruel lie that sent me into spiraling depression?

Squidward:
[taken aback by the revelation] Uhh, well it sounds pretty harsh when you put it that way, but yes.

SpongeBob:
I could laugh the whole time?

Squidward:
Yeah. [SpongeBob begins to laugh again; both laugh] You really fell for it.

SpongeBob:
I guess I did!

Squidward:
You even fell for the ol' thermometer in the boiling oil routine. [laughs]

SpongeBob:
[stops laughing] It's really not that funny, Squidward.

Squidward:
It's hilarious!

SpongeBob:
See ya later, Squidward. [goes into his house]

Squidward:
[still laughing] Break your laugh box! What a schlemiel. [his laughter turns to coughing as his sides started aching] yahhhh! [inhales deeply and lets out a long cough, thus losing his laughter, and falls flat to the ground, two paramedics come take him to the hospital]

[Everyone is running around inside the Chum Bucket after getting kidnapped by the ChumBot]

Plankton:
Oh, good, the lunch rush. Now that my ChumBot has dropped you into my clutches, you'll be forced to eat at the Chum Bucket.

[Everyone stops in their tracks]

Nat:
[furiously] What? You mean you kidnapped us just to sell us your fast food?

Plankton:
Come on, it's a standard marketing technique.

[People leave]

Nat:
You little twerp! [leaves]

Plankton:
Hey!

Karen:
He's right, ya know.

Plankton:
Karen. [walks up to her] You think I'm a twerp?

Karen:
Well, yes, but I was referring to the kidnapping.

Plankton:
Everything I do is always wrong in your eyes.

Karen:
Maybe it's because you are always wrong.

Plankton:
Fine, I'm wrong and you're right.

Karen:
You said it, not me. You know, you're lucky to have me.

Plankton:
[walking away] Why did I ever install that nagging software?

Karen:
"Nagging software"? I heard that! Come back and dust my screen!

Plankton:
Why did I ever buy that computer wife? I need a real woman, not a girl in a cold-hearted shell. [hears Mama Krabs humming outside so he brings down his periscope on her] Such beauty. She's an angel, and no wires. I've never felt like this before. I don't even know her name and yet she's stolen my heart.

Karen:
[angry] Plankton! You've fallen in love with another woman?! I'm your wife!

Plankton:
You're a W.I.F.E. [pulls out a chart] Wired Integrated Female Electroencephalograph.

Karen:
Oh, you always pull that one out! [mocking voice] "You're not a real wife, you're just a computer!"

Plankton:
[sighing] Why don't you have an "off" switch? [sees it and smiles]

Karen:
Plankton, don't you dare... [turns off]

Plankton:
And now to woo that beloved creature.

Plankton:
Excuse me! I can't reach my silverware!

SpongeBob:
Terribly sorry, sir. [pulls out a smaller chair and table, places it on the big table, and puts Plankton into it] Will there be anything else?

Plankton:
Is my tie on straight?

SpongeBob:
You...look FABULOUS!

Plankton:
[pulls rose away from his body] Hello, my dear. I must say you look ravishing tonight.

Betsy:
[notices Plankton] Oh, my. You're a tiny thing, but awfully cute. [sits down in a chair that SpongeBob has brought to her] Tell me about yourself.

Plankton:
Well, I'm in the food service business. I'm a bit of a restaurateur. I'm the founder and owner of the Chum Bucket.

Betsy:
Never heard of it.

Plankton:
[points to the Chum Bucket] It's across the street.

Betsy:
Doesn't ring a bell.

Plankton [shows her the back of a phone book with a picture of him and the Chum Bucket] It's on the back of the phone book! Come on! I paid a lotta money for that ad! [puts the book away] Never mind, never mind. I'd like to hear about you.

Betsy:
Well...

Mr. Krabs:
Plankton!

Plankton:
Krabs!

Betsy:
Eugene!

Mr. Krabs:
Mommy?

Plankton:
"Mommy"?

SpongeBob:
[jumps in the air] SpongeBob!

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob...!

Plankton:
This delectable creature is your mother?

Mr. Krabs:
This no-good conniving chiseler is your date?!

SpongeBob:
And this devilishly handsome sponge is your waiter.

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob!

Mr. Krabs:
[barges in the Chum Bucket] You!

Plankton:
Eugene?

Mr. Krabs:
I came to warn you, Plankton. Stay away from me mother! I know what you're really up to.

Plankton:
I'm serious, Eugene. I've changed my ways. And all it took was the love of a beautiful woman.

Mr. Krabs:
All you like is thieving and conniving. Now, stop trying to get the formula out of me mother!

Plankton:
What are you talking about?

Mr. Krabs:
I'm talking about the Krabby Patty formula!

Plankton:
Your mother knows the Krabby Patty formula?

Mr. Krabs:
Don't play stupid with me. Of course she does. It's an old Krabs family recipe, and you're not family! [Plankton frowns] I'm telling you for the last time - stay away from me mother. [walks out]

Plankton:
Not family, eh? I can fix that.

SpongeBob:
[walks in angrily] Too old for an action movie. Huh!

Barnacle Boy:
What is it this time, kid?

SpongeBob:
Are you aware Drippy Brothers Studio is making the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie?

Barnacle Boy:
They can't be making a movie about us!

SpongeBob:
But they are, and they're using... [close-up of his mouth] ...actors. [the heroes gasp] They have shunned our heroes.

Patrick:
And they weren't nice to them either.

Mermaid Man:
[sobs] Now our dreams of being big screen heroes will never come true.

SpongeBob:
Well, that makes it even worse.

Barnacle Boy:
[puts his hands on Mermaid Man's back] You bet it does, kid.

Mermaid Man:
And the worst part is...I can't remember why I started crying. [sobs some more]

Patrick:
Why don't we just make our own movie?

SpongeBob:
Patrick, once again, you have exposed your brilliance. We'll make a real Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie, right here at Shady Shoals.

Mermaid Man:
[stops crying] You will?

SpongeBob:
Yes, and in doing so, we will right the wrong done to you by the evil Drippy Brother Studios and... [close-up of his mouth] ...their actors.

Mermaid Man:
[jumps on top of the table] Vindication is ours! Vindi...How did I get up here?

SpongeBob:
Patrick! You're back!

Patrick:
Patrick, you're back.

[They hug each other]

Doctor:
Congatulwtions, Mrs. Smith, you gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

Mrs. Smith:
Mercy my baby!

Doctor:
Of course! [shows Mrs. Smith SquidBob to be screaming]

Sandy:
Whoo-wee, there you boys are. Looks like I'm just in time.

SpongeBob/Squidward:
Sandy?

Sandy:
One blast of this Molecular Separator Ray and you'll be separated for good.

[SpongeBob and Squidward try to tell Sandy not to blast them, but was too late, she blasts the ray at Squidward and SpongeBob and it separates them. Crowd gasps]

Squidward:
[SpongeBob gives him back his clarinet] Hmph. [plays clarinet off-key making SpongeBob cheer for him, but the audience hates it as they block their ears, Old Man Jenkins faints off his chair]

Mary:
I think I'm going to be sick.

[Squidward blows his clarinet at Billy which blows his skin off and shows his skeleton]

Billy:
Ah, I'm out of here!

Squidward:
Huh, no wait. Wait! [everyone leaves] Oh, my one moment of fame...gone. [grabs the Molecular Separator Ray] There's got to be some way to reverse this. [pushes the button over and over]

Sandy:
No, Squidward! That's a very sensitive device!

SpongeBob:
Squidward, I wouldn't...

[The Molecular Separator Ray blasts into the final scene]

Therapist:
[talking to Squidward] So, what seems to be the problem, Mr. Tentacles?

Squidward:
It all started...when I was born.

[The camera zooms out revealing SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Mrs. Puff, Larry, and Pearl, all joined into Squidward's body in a horrifying, Cronenbergian mass as the episode ends]

Squidward:
What are those Neanderthals up to? Don't they know i'm busy spoiling myself? [SpongeBob and Patrick open the bathroom door while Squidward is in the bathtub, screams three times, then he pants]

SpongeBob:
You check over there. I'll check in here. [gets into the bathtub Squidward is in]

Patrick:
[pulls the sink out, making the water shoot everywhere] No, but I'll keep looking.

SpongeBob:
[in tears] But there's nowhere left to look.

Patrick:
There's one place we haven't checked.

SpongeBob:
I doubt Gary could fit in there.

Patrick:
Can't hurt to look.

SpongeBob:
Here goes nothing. [opens the mailbox and a bunch of letters shoot out and a rolled up paper falls on the ground] Look, Pat!

Patrick:
What is it?

SpongeBob:
Let's see. "Dear SpongeBob, These last few years have been some of the best of my life, but I must move on. Don't bother to come looking for me. By now I have probably found a new owner who actually remembers to fill up my food bowl every now and again. Sincerely, Gary-- at least until my new owner renames me." [he and Patrick are horrified] Dear Neptune, what have I done?

Patrick:
[scornfully] What do you mean? You drove him away. It's right there in black and white. See? Right there. And there.

SpongeBob:
[sadly] Gary.

[SpongeBob is at the Krusty Krab crying in front of the grill as his tears drop down on it]

SpongeBob:
[sniffs] Gary...

[Meanwhile in front of the cash register]

Incidental 14:
Yeah, I'd like a refund for this Krabby Patty.

Mr. Krabs:
Refund?! What's wrong with it?

Incidental 14:
Oh, nothing really...except that it's covered in tears!

[The close up shows 6 tears on the patty]

Mr. Krabs:
What the...?!

[Back in the kitchen, SpongeBob keeps crying because he can't stop thinking about Gary]

SpongeBob:
Gary...

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob! There's customers out there, boy, waiting to be fed!

SpongeBob:
This wouldn't be the first time I disappointed someone who's hungry.

SpongeBob:
[at the guillotine] Well, I guess this is it, Patrick.

Patrick:
I guess so. I'm gonna miss you, SpongeBob! [crying]

SpongeBob:
I'll miss you, too, buddy! [both sobbing as King Krabs crashes into the guillotine, breaking it]

[Dragon takes Princess Pearl away]

Princess Pearl:
Daddy, help!

King Krabs:
Pearl! [cries] Can no one stop this madness?! [sun shines on SpongeBob and Patrick] You two, my apologies. [kisses their feet] Most noble and valiant warriors.

Patrick:
I guess this is what you call the royal treatment.

[SpongeBob, Squidly, and Patrick all head to the bridge to stop the evil wizard, but a Dark Knight blocks their path]

Dark Knight:
[dark male voice] Halt! Who goes there?

Squidly:
Doth mine eyes betray me? 'Tis the nefarious Dark Knight! [sings] Oh, dark knight, spare us please, don't cut off our heads or boil our knees. Pray take these two and let me go free and I will give to thee some... cheese! [cow moos]

SpongeBob and Patrick:
Dark Knight?

Dark Knight:
[dark male voice] I asketh once more. Before I rip thee limb from limb, reveal thyself!

SpongeBob:
I am SpongeBob and this is Patrick. [laughs nervously] We've been sent to rescue Princess Pearl from Planktonimor.

Dark Knight:
[dark male voice] If thou wisheth to get across, thou willst have [reveals herself as Medieval Sandy and speaks with a female voice] to get through me!

SpongeBob:
[gasps] Medieval Sandy! I know how to handle this: With a little karate! [both attack each other, but SpongeBob swallows Sandy then spits her out into a rock]

Dark Knight:
Whah! By the hammer of Odin, this be a new fighting style mine eyes have not yet seen.

SpongeBob:
I am bad! Oh, yeah! Whoo!

Dark Knight:
Doth thou tryeth to insult me? Thou willst drink from the fountain of shame!

SpongeBob:
Do you hear that, Patrick? I told you see zings like a squir... Whoa! [Dark Knight destroys the armor and throws SpongeBob into a rock. SpongeBob ends up having his legs and arms switched. He laughs] Good one, Medieval Sandy! But can you handle my feet of fury? [attacks Dark Knight, but the Dark Knight jumps out of the way as SpongeBob bounces off the rock and into Dark Knight sending her into the other rock. SpongeBob attacks her again, but the Dark Knight pins him against the rock]

Dark Knight:
Wouldst thou like a little rubdown? [as she is rubbing SpongeBob, it turns into dust causing the Dark Knight to cough. SpongeBob appears normal again and karate chops the Dark Knight as she crashes onto a rock. SpongeBob then walks up to her as he is about to finish her off] You have bested me, yellow knight... Strike quick and true, noble sponge...

SpongeBob:
I don't understand a word you just said! [laughs. Dark Knight turns into a real live action squirrel, but with the crosses for eyes as dead] Uh, Medieval Sandy, you don't look so good. Sandy? Sandy...? [screen turns black then water is thrown onto the Dark Knight] Patrick, it's working! Do it again. [Patrick gathers spit and spits it upon her]

Dark Knight:
Thou hath spared me, kind and noble sponge. And to thee, I owe a debt of gratitude, for I will follow you in your quest to defeat Planktonimor and learn a trifle of that karate.

SpongeBob:
Yeah, karate! Whah! Cha-cha! [karate chops Squidly in half]

Squidly:
Ow-eth.

[Towards the end of the episode, Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward wind up in the hospital. Mr. Krabs is alarmed to see at how high their medical bill is]

Mr. Krabs:
$15,000?!

Squidward:
You're not going to have a heart attack, are you?

Mr. Krabs:
Not at these prices! Forget hotels, this hospital wreck's where the money is!

Patrick:
This is a hospital?

Mr. Krabs:
Pack your bags, boys, you're going to medical school!

Patrick and SpongeBob:
Hooray!

Squidward:
Oh, boy.

SpongeBob:
[after he destroys every obstacle in the driving course] So, how'd I do?

Roderick:
How'd you do? [lifts up a broken fragment of a civilian obstacle SpongeBob destroyed] Why don't you ask the shattered remains of this pedestrian how you did?!

SpongeBob:
Did I pass?

Mr. Fitz:
Well, if there was a "destroy the city" part of the test, you would have.

Patrick:
[takes pants off SpongeBob's head] The nerve of some people.

Mr. Fitz:
Sorry, SpongeBob, you failed again. Even our finest instructor could not teach you. Mrs. Puff, you're hired again.

SpongeBob:
[at boating school] Hey, Mrs. Puff! Sorry I'm "unteachable."

Mrs. Puff:
It's okay. Mr. Fitz gave me my teaching certificate back. [sniffles, holds up a burnt, charred object] And your dossier was destroyed in the explosion, [voice breaking] so it's as if you never failed.

SpongeBob:
I got you a welcome back gift, Mrs. Puff. [shows name tag] I found all the pieces and glued them back together. I promise it won't take me a million tries this time.

[Mrs. Puff puts her head down on her desk and begins to sob quietly, and the name tag shatters as the episode ends]

Flying Dutchman:
[green fog passes by his ship while he steers his ship] Curse this cursed, ghostly fog. I can barely see past me own nose. [gas is sprayed in his eyes] Urrgh! [screams after noticing the unseen cliff, only seen seconds after; then the ship is split in half after it runs into a cliff. The Flying Dutchman falls down the cliff, falling through a basketball hoop before hitting the ground; the ship falls onto of him into pieces then he crawls out] Me ship. [his ship turns into dust. His hat floats gently down, and he picks it up. He then gets out his cell phone to dial the Roadside Assistance] Hello, Roadside Assistance? I've got a bit of a flat! My location where I'll be staying? Business or residence? [sees SpongeBob go into his house] Residence.

SpongeBob:
[runs out of Squidward's closet] Dutchie, it worked! You got your scare back!

Flying Dutchman:
And me confidence, too. Now I feel like I can scare the living criminy out of anybody! All thanks to you, my boy.

SpongeBob:
And, maybe your ship will be repaired soon.

Flying Dutchman:
Actually, I have a confession, SpongeBob. My ship's been done for 3 months now. Well, it was nice roomin' with ya. [flies back up to his ship] Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I left you a little something for all your trouble. Now, it's time for me to ruin more souls. [ships sails off]

SpongeBob:
[opens the package; a hand grabs him, eats him, and belches] Hahaha! Good Ol' Dutchie!

Mr Krabs:
Well, we better get back to work.

Spongebob:
Work? How can I go back to work without...without Spat?!

Mr Krabs:
Use another spatular.

Spongebob:
What?! There is only one spatula for me, and that is Spat. Spat, wait up! Spat! [runs off to the hospital] I'm coming, Spat! [scene cuts to the hospital where SpongeBob is by a spatula's bed] Oh, Spat, we've been through so much together.

[SpongeBob flashes back to all the good times he had with his spatula:
flipping patties, laying in the sun with spatula, scratching his back with spatula, playing ping pong with his spatula, reaching under the chair for the remote with spatula, and playing pirates with spatula]

Doctor:
There's no easy way to say this. SpongeBob, if I were you, I would give serious consideration to start thinking about...a replacement spatula. [SpongeBob turns around and starts to cry, then turns back around] Go home. Get some rest. We'll try to do everything we can.

Spongebob:
Thank you, Doctor.

Doctor:
Oh, I'm not a doctor. I'm an actor who's searching for a role. Yes! Woohoo! I am so totally gonna get this part. [sighs happily]

SpongeBob:
Spatula, what's wrong? [Spat shakes its head] But I didn't mean to betray you. Mr. Krabs needed a replacement. Krabby Patties don't flip themselves, you know. It was a moment of weakness! I'm sorry! Oh, what have I done?! What have I done?! [begins crying and rolls]

SpongeBob 2:
[comes up] All that glitters is not gold. [goes down]

[SpongeBob is still crying on the floor. Spatula considers this, lowers its head, and wheels itself away]

SpongeBob:
Good-bye, best friend. [crawls crying all the way to the Krusty Krab kitchen] I'll never find another spatula like him again. [notices Spatula flipping patties by itself] Spatula? You're back! [jumps for Spatula in slow motion, the camera cuts to outer space] Oh, Spatula, now that we're together again, nothing will ever separate us.

[Back at the Krusty Krab]

Squidward:
One monster Krabby Patty.

[The same real set of hands put a bunch of meat on the grill as before]

SpongeBob:
Okay, buddy, we can do this. Ready? One, two, three. [this time, instead of the spatula breaking again, his arms come off] D'oh! [laughs at the audience]

Pearl:
[approaches Mr. Krabs] Tell me you've got something totally coral planned for my birthday party.

Mr. Krabs:
Now, now, don't snap your mizzenmast. Everything is all set. Why, I've already got the party favors, bubble wrap! [pops the bubble wrap] This year's gonna be a blast!

Pearl:
Daddy! You've ruined all my birthday parties, but you better not ruin this one. Now promise me you won't be cheap!

Mr. Krabs:
[gulps] I promise.

Pearl:
Good, because I made a list. [list rolls out of the Krusty Krab and down the road. Mr Krabs rolls it up] Now I want everything on this list at my party. [kisses her father and runs out] Bye! I'll be at the mall with my friends.

Pearl:
Wait, don't leave! My dad got Boys Who Cry to play! You did get Boys Who Cry, right? [glaring crossed-arms at her dad]

Mr. Krabs:
Oh, even better, sweetie. Hit it!

[Curtain unfolds as R & B Music begins to play with Squidward standing on the stage]

Squidward:
Hello, ladies. [sings "It's all about you"] When my tear ducts get issue, I can't use just any tissue...I need 4-Ply, 4-Ply, 4-Ply, when I cry...Huh!

Friend 2:
Hey, that is not Boys Who Cry!

Judy:
Yeah!

[Cut to Squidward shaking his rear end]

Friend 2:
Boo!

Friend 1:
What a rip-off!

Judy:
This stinks!

Pearl:
Daddy, how could you?! I gave you a list?! [runs out crying]

Mr. Krabs:
Pearl, come back!

[The crowd throws tomatoes, eggs and Pearl's meat head at Squidward]

Pearl:
You've ruined everything! You couldn't stop being cheap, even for me! [cries]

Mr. Krabs:
I'll make it up to you somehow, Pearl.

[scene cuts to SpongeBob and Sandy walking toward their boat]

SpongeBob:
Sandy, I'm sorry I acted like a jerk back there. Thanks for saving me from... [swallows hard] buying a condo.

Sandy:
Aw, shucks, SpongeBob, that's what friends are for.

SpongeBob:
I still have one question, though. Does this mean I'm not King of Karate anymore?

Sandy:
You are in my book, SpongeBob. You are in my book. Now let me tell you about real estate. It's all about location... [boat drives off as another boat, carrying Squidward, arrives]

Squidward:
I'm here! The King of Clarinets has arrived! [Master Udon is waiting on top of the rocks again]

Professor Percy:
Well, Miss Cheeks, I must say you have exceeded expectations.

Lord Reginald:
It may be the extreme head trauma I've suffered, but I am going to offer you a 20-year contract with a substantial pay raise.

Sandy:
I accept.

SpongeBob and Patrick:
Hooray!

Professor Percy:
I expect great things out of you, Miss Cheeks. Great things.

Lord Reginald:
Perhaps you could put your talents toward that automatic poop-throwing machine that's eluded us for so long.

Dr. Marmalade:
Now, now, one miracle at a time.

All Chimps:
Goodbye!

Sandy:
Well, the only thing left is to figure out what to do with this infernal contraption.

Patrick:
My turn. [sits on his invention] Whoo-hoo! [machine turns on and he screams] All right!

Mr. Krabs:
[upon learning about wishing wells] You mean suckers throw money down a well for fun? That's the greatest scam ever!

Harold:
Can we have our quarter back now?

Squidward:
[shoves Patrick] Stop pushing me Patrick.

Patrick:
You mean like this? [shoves Squidward]

Squidward:
No like this! [shoves Patrick]

SpongeBob:
[both Patrick and Squidward are fighting] You shouldn't fight in here. This is a magical place.

[Scene zooms to outside the well]

Squidward:
Patrick, get off of me! [scene zooms back into the well where Patrick is sitting on Squidward] I told you I am claustrophobic!

Patrick:
Nice try, Squidward, but there's no Santa Claus here.

Squidward:
Patrick!

[Mr Krabs walking into the Chumporium. Plankton is dusting off his knickknacks]

Plankton:
Ah. A clean snow globe is a happy snow globe. [laughs]

Mr. Krabs:
Plankton! You may have fooled everyone else, you might have even fooled yourself, but you ain't fooling me.

Plankton:
Oh, I get it. You caught me red-handed. [laughs then sighs] Those were the days, huh, Eugene?

Mr. Krabs:
Grr...

Plankton:
But I found there more to life than just trying to steal your formula. And I found it all right here in novelty items.

Mr. Krabs:
Bubkes.

Plankton:
Ah, Eugene. Stuck in your old ways.

Mr. Krabs:
Bubkes! If there's one thing certain in this world, it's that you can't resist me formula. [takes out the formula] You know you want it.

Plankton:
Thanks...but no.

Mr. Krabs:
A-ha, I knew it. [chuckles] It was all a trick to get me to hand over...Wait, did you say no?

Plankton:
Well, if you don't believe me, that's your problem not mine.

Mr. Krabs:
Problem?! I don't have a problem! You're the one with the problem! Look at this. It means nothing. It's all a facade, a hoax, a con, a front... [throws a shelf down; Plankton gasps] ...A sham, a snow job... [throwing the snow globes onto the ground and breaking them] ...Bologna with a side of flimflam and an order of Jive! [smashes the lava lamps with the baseball bat]See?! Who's the one with the problem?!

Plankton:
Look what you've done. This is my livelihood.

Mr. Krabs:
Sure it is. And this isn't the formula that you don't want. Come on, eh? Eh? Oop, too slow. [chuckles tauntingly]

Plankton:
GET OUT!!

Mr. Krabs:
[gasps] Oh, I get it. Stick to your guns, and eventually we'll all believe it. Soften us up and when our backs are turned, you'll make your move. [drops the formula] Oops. [walks out of the Chumporium]

Plankton:
What's this? [groans] Hey, Krabs!

Mr. Krabs:
I knew you'd come back.

Plankton:
You forgot something. [throws the formula back at Mr. Krabs] Can't you understand I've wasted so much time chasing after you? And now I have something that's mine. And it makes me happy. [walks back into the Chumporium]

Mr. Krabs:
[realizing that Plankton was telling the truth] I never thought I'd see the day. What happened to the invertebrate I used to know? [becoming upset] Plankton? [cries loudly, he runs across the road and falls down crying some more]

SpongeBob:
[to Gary] All those people think you're a monster. But I know you're just a snail.

[pets Gary, who suddenly meows and snarls savagely and bites SpongeBob's arm, causing everyone to gasp.]

SpongeBob:
[in tears] Gary... how could you?! [Gary meows ferociously]

Harold:
SpongeBob's been infected by his own pet snail. Oh, the irony! Quick, we must quarantine that infected snail before he bites every last Bikini Bottomite. Let's get the snail!

Bikini Bottomites:
YEAH!

[An angry mob forms and everyone takes out jellyfish nets and torches. SpongeBob gasps.]

SpongeBob:
No! Don't hurt him!

Harold:
Hand over the snail!

Mr. Krabs:
It's for his own good, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
No! I won't let you touch Gary!

Harold:
Stop the madness, man! The mad snail disease ends now. SEIZE THE SNAIL!

[scene cuts to Patrick running down the street to his rock]

Patrick:
Working at the Krusty Krab. Making Krabby Patties all day. Flipping Krusty Krab working patties krab... uhh, that's a hard song to remember. [opens his rock and jumps in] Huh?

SpongeBob:
[sitting in the corner of Patrick's rock] Who do they think they are? I gave the best years of my life to this place and they think they can just fire me like that? Like trash? I don't think so!

Patrick:
SpongeBob? Is that you?

SpongeBob:
[turns around with an evil look on his face] I've been waiting for you, Patrick! [walks towards Patrick, growling]

Patrick:
SpongeBob, you're scaring me. [yells]

[SpongeBob laughs maniacally and closes in around Patrick]

[scene cuts to Bigshot Records]

Record Producer:
Well, well, well, Ned and the Needlefish. You're fired.

Band:
Fired?!

Band Member #2:
But why?

Record Producer:
Ask Baldy McBalderson over here.

Band:
Ned!

Band Member #2:
Good going, dude.

Ned:
I can't help not having hair!

Band Member #3:
When we formed this band, it was for one reason and one reason only: to make a lot of money. And you not having hair is getting in the way of that!

Record Producer:
We are selling records, not denture cream! [talking to Ned] Either you come back with hair, or don't come back at all!

[SpongeBob takes a remote with a red Button with a label that reads, "open." He presses the button. The door to the submarine opens.]

SpongeBob and Patrick:
Ooh! [They both salute]

SpongeBob:
SpongeBob and Patrick reporting for guard duty. [they both laugh and jump inside. Patrick stars pressing buttons and SpongeBob pretends to be piloting the submarine]

Patrick:
Hmm. [he finds a yellow button with a label that reads "Shrink"] "Shrink." I do have a lot of issues. [presses the button and a warning light starts]

SpongeBob and Patrick:
Pretty.

[The submarine shrinks a little, squishing SpongeBob and Patrick against the windshield. Sandy enters the room.]

Sandy:
I'm back, SpongeBob. [she drops box of nuts] Uh-oh.

[SpongeBob shrinks and Patrick laughs while grabbing SpongeBob.]

Patrick:
You're so tiny. [he shrinks even smaller than SpongeBob; screams] A giant SpongeBob!

[The two shrink until they appear to look like dots. The submarine shrinks completely. A robot hand grabs the submarine. Sandy leans in.]

Sandy:
Patrick! SpongeBob!

Patrick:
[screams] Sandy's grown to gigantic size!

SpongeBob:
I don't think Sandy grew, Patrick. I think we shrunk.

Patrick:
[stupidly] That's silly. Don't you think it's more likely that the entire world grew?

Sandy:
[over the speaker] Good work, guys. Mission accomplished. Now all you have to do is...

Squidward:
[pushes Sandy out of the way] Get out of my body! GO!

Patrick:
Grow? [presses the grow button. The alarm starts up]

[The scene becomes a split screen. The left has Sandy, the Middle has Squidward, and the right has SpongeBob]

Sandy, Squidward, and SpongeBob:
[alarmed] NO!!

[Scene opens to Patrick running around and giggling in the street]

Business fish:
Hey! [Patrick looks around confused] Hey, you there!

Patrick:
Who, me?

Business fish:
Yes, you! Get outta town! [Patrick, shocked, runs away screaming; the business fish stands confused before another fish comes by] Get outta town...! And take a vacation to beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort! Here ya go, sir. [shows a flier for a vacation]

SpongeBob:
But, Patrick, you can't go! Not like this! Who will go with me to the next jellyfisherman's expo?! [shows a picture of the two at one of the exposes]

Patrick:
It'll have to be one of your other chums 'cause my mind is set. [sobs]

SpongeBob:
Unset it! Please unset it! [they cry even more. Patrick walks over to SpongeBob's kitchen with suitcase on it starts packing]

Patrick:
I guess I'll pack up my stuff and get ready to go. [puts two pairs of SpongeBob's pants into the suitcase] My clothes.

SpongeBob:
Umm, Patrick, those are my clothes.

Patrick:
[packs up a bunch of peanut butter] My peanut butter!

SpongeBob:
That's my peanut butter.

Patrick:
And my pickles! [stuffs a bunch of pickles into the suitcase and closes it, then falls on top of it sobbing]

SpongeBob:
I can't believe you're leaving, Patrick. [cries] With all my pickles!

Patrick:
[heading for the door with the suitcase] It's the end of me being here.

SpongeBob:
Wait, stop! What about all our plans?! 8:00am - Wake up Patrick, 9:00am - Eat kelpo with Patrick, 10:00am - Brush teeth with Patrick, 1:00pm - Stare at Patrick! Who's gonna do all that with me?!

Patrick:
I'm sorry, there's no stopping the unstoppable. Patrick Star will live no more, forever... in Bikini Bottom.

SpongeBob:
[gets an idea] But... what if you weren't Patrick Star?

Patrick:
Oh, no. I'm not Patrick Star!?

SpongeBob:
You are Patrick Star, but you won't be for long.

Patrick:
Huh?

SpongeBob:
Well, Smelly, here you are. Your new home. Oh, Smelly, this is going to be great. We'll be one big happy family. Let me show you around. Here's your bed, Smelly. [muffled whimpering from Smelly, who is actually Squidward covering himself with cement dirt by accident] Here's your food bowl.

Patrick:
And some kibble. [pours in some food]

SpongeBob:
You can live here forever and ever. [Squidward cries] Oh, look, Pat. He's crying tears of joy. Well, Smelly, there's one more family member you haven't met. [retrieves Gary] Smelly meet Gary. [Gary sticks to Squidward] Aww, look at that Smelly, Gary likes you. [Gary screeches like a cat and attacks Squidward] Gary, no! [gets Gary off of Squidward] Gary.

[Gary hisses]

Patrick:
I don't think Gary likes Smelly.

SpongeBob:
Yeah, Gary's never attacked anyone like that except Squidward. I guess Smelly can't live here.

Patrick:
Ah! He can come home with me.

SpongeBob:
That's a great idea, Patrick. You always wanted a pet. [Squidward tries to escape through the door but keeps falling down] Isn't that cute? Look how excited he is to get to your house. [opens door] Bye, Smelly, have fun at Patrick's.

[Squidward tries to get into his house]

Patrick:
No, no, Smelly. Squidward doesn't like pets.

Patrick:
Hi, SpongeBob, whatcha doing?

SpongeBob:
I have turned poor Squidward into a frozen dessert!

Patrick:
That's awful, how tragic, poor Squidward.

SpongeBob:
This is all my fault!

Patrick:
Did you say frozen dessert? [takes the white ice cream cone out of the freezer]

SpongeBob:
Yeah, I turned him into a tasty soft-serve with a waffle cone. [cries]

Patrick:
Oh, soft serve. [licks ice cream cone]

SpongeBob:
Patrick, stop eating Squidward!

Announcer:
Congratulations. You are the one millionth person to pass the test.

Patrick:
Does this mean I win a free keychain?

SpongeBob:
[Patrick is driving with SpongeBob when suddenly the green light turns red] It's a red light, Patrick! [Patrick runs through red lights] Patrick, you just ran three red lights!

Patrick:
So?

SpongeBob:
You're suppose to stop!

Patrick:
[shows his license] I think the driving genius knows what he's doing.

SpongeBob:
[finally snaps] Driving genius?! Would a genius make an illegal u-turn... through an orphanage?!

Patrick:
They ran for it in time. What are you so mad about?

SpongeBob:
I should've gotten that license! And this should be MY boat mobile!

Patrick:
How can you say that?! If you were my friend, you'd be happy for me getting my license!

SpongeBob:
If you were my friend, you wouldn't rub your license in my face!

Patrick:
I'm not rubbing my license in your face! This is rubbing my license in your face! [takes out license and rubs it in SpongeBob's face--literally--which makes muffled noises]

SpongeBob:
[fixes his face and then takes Patrick's license from his hand] Oh, give me that! I worked my whole life for this! You don't deserve this! [tears up Patrick's license then laughs.]

[Cut to Krusty Krab where SpongeBob enters with medieval clothes on]

SpongeBob:
Good townspeople, let us rejoice in welcoming our new king.

Patrick:
[enters, wearing his crown and a royal cloak] King needs food badly.

Mr. Krabs:
What's this all ab...? [gasps. Sees Patrick's crown and dollar signs appear in his eyes] Well, well, well. What can I do for you, Patrick?

SpongeBob:
The king would like...

Mr. Krabs:
Zip it, SquarePants...I'm talking to the rich guy.

Patrick:
I'll have ten Krabby Patties, a Krabby milkshake, large fries...

Mr. Krabs:
I've got a better idea.

SpongeBob:
Patrick, what's happened to you?

Patrick:
I don't know what you mean.

SpongeBob:
Uh... [laughs] You know, Mr. Krabs is probably wondering where I am...and...

Patrick:
And what...

SpongeBob:
[intimidated of Patrick's rage] And, um, well...it's just that, um, you're kinda being a jerk.

Patrick:
Huh? [laughs] I thought you were going to say I was abusing my power.

SpongeBob:
Uh... well, I...

Patrick:
[explodes] Who's saying I'm abusing my power?! [SpongeBob shrinks and Patrick rips off his cloak] I'll put the whole town in prison! [SpongeBob runs away] Questioning my authority is treason! All these giggly speeches are making me thirsty. SpongeBob, I request a drink. SpongeBob? [claps twice] SpongeBob?! Huh. Gee, everybody's gone. I'm all alone. Fine, I'll get it myself! [walks by the mirror, and his reflection looks like a monster]

Mirror:
Knock knock.

Patrick:
Huh? [gasps] A knock knock joke! [he runs back to the mirror] Who's there?

Mirror:
You.

Patrick and Mirror:
I don't get it.

Mirror:
I'm you and you are me. [a wire in Patrick's head connects and short circuits]

Patrick and Mirror:
[screams] What have I become?! [Patrick races out of his rock]

Patrick:
Aaah, help! Monster! Monster! [he bumps into the Royal Ministry starfish] Huh? Oh, it's, it's you! [he thrusts the crown at the starfish] Here, here, take it. I don't want it anymore. It's turned me into a monster.

Royal Ministry Starfish:
Oh, I think I know what's going on here. Patrick, with great power comes great responsibility. [Patrick is shaking and whimpering] You haven't a clue what I just told you, do you?

Patrick:
No. Uh-uh.

Royal Ministry Starfish:
Oh, just as well. I've come to take the crown back, as it seems that you aren't royalty after all.

Patrick:
Huh?

Royal Ministry Starfish:
[takes out family history] I've discovered this coffee stain, which upon removal, reveals that Sir Gary is the true heir to the king's crown. [he removes the stain to show Gary's picture on the family history parchment. Bubble transition to Gary having a crown put on his head, SpongeBob and Patrick dressed in medieval clothes]

SpongeBob:
Well, would you look at that. Gary, you're royalty!

Gary:
[smiles] Meow?

SpongeBob:
Bloodthirsty bikers? And they're headed straight for Bikini Bottom! I've got to warn everybody! I better take the shortcut!

[SpongeBob rides on the bubble transition to inside the Krusty Krab.]

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob! Where in the blue barnacles did you come from?

SpongeBob:
There's no time for that, Mr. Krabs. Grab something heavy! Bar the door! Board up the windows. We've got to protect the Krusty Krab. The Krabby Patties must survive!

Mr. Krabs:
Settle down, son. What are you all riled up about?

SpongeBob:
Bikers... coming... nasty... ferocious... take... over... town. Destroy... must hide!

Mr. Krabs:
What are you going on about? Bikers?

SpongeBob:
The Wild Ones are coming, Mr. Krabs. They're the most vicious, ravenous horde of hooligans in the sea.

Mr. Krabs:
Ravenous did you say? That's another word for hungry, isn't it?

[scene cuts to the laboratory of the Chum Bucket with Kelpshake on a plate where a sample of the drink goes through a tube, into chemistry bottles, and finally into Karen where she begins a D-N-A scan]

Plankton:
What's the secret ingredient, Karen?

Karen:
Well, it appears that the main ingredient is, Kelp Juice.

Plankton & Mr. Krabs:
Just kelp juice?

Mr. Krabs:
And to think this whole time I could've been selling these meself!

Plankton:
You? What about me? If anyone, I deserve to make a buck of selling this stuff.

Mr. Krabs:
[removes the glass container and takes kelp juice] No way, pipsqueak. This gold mine is mine.

Plankton:
Not if I can help it. [jumps at Mr. Krabs, but goes between his eyes and splatters into the wall] Ow.

Mr. Krabs:
[cackling] Nice try. [about to take a sip]

Karen:
I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's another ingredient.

Mr. Krabs:
Hey, I paid good money for this thing. Of course I'm gonna drink it. [takes a sip then spits it out] What the...?! I don't get what the big deal is. This tastes like a wet gym sock.

Plankton:
Really? Let me try that. [Plankton sips the drink and puckers his lips] Actually, there is a bit of a pungent aftertaste.

Mr. Krabs:
Hmmm. [sips again and puckers his lips] Hey, you're right. This ain't half bad. [takes another sip and laughs] This is amazing.

Plankton:
Well, don't be selfish. [sips and laughs] Oh yeah.

Karen:
Oh no.

Plankton:
[he sips in the rest of the drink until he sucks in the cup] Krabs, we're all out of juice!

Mr. Krabs:
Well, we gotta get more!

Karen:
You're making a big mistake.

Mr. Krabs:
Ah, phooey! You don't know what you're talking about. [he walks out with Plankton] ♪Kelpshake, Kelpshake. Oh, how I love a Kelpshake.♪

SpongeBob:
[runs up crying covered in yellowish-green fur] What's happening to me?! [Mr. Krabs and Plankton gasp in shock when they see SpongeBob covered in green kelp and he's naked] They've shut down the Kelpshakes restaurants! [nearly crying as he runs off]

Plankton & Mr. Krabs:
Huh? [they both see workers sucking out all the liquid which is toxic waste in the Kelpshake restaurant that says "CLOSED FOREVER"]

Hazmat #1:
It'll take decades to clean this hazardous material up.

Hazmat #2:
I sure feel sorry for whoever drank this. [Mr. Krabs screams as he is growing yellowish-green kelp fur just like Plankton is, then Plankton screams]

Plankton:
Look at us!

Mr. Krabs:
Now what are we going to do?

Plankton:
I don't know about you... [Plankton takes out a mini helicopter propeller] but I'm going back to what I do best. Stealing your recipe! [laughs]

Mr. Krabs:
Hey, wait a minute! Plankton!

Plankton:
[flies into Mr. Krabs office where the safe is. He tosses the propeller and laughs] Come to papa. [Mr. Krabs opens the door]

Mr. Krabs:
Hold it right there! You're not going anywhere... [opens the safe] without a ten second head start!

Plankton:
It's good to be home!

Mr. Krabs:
You said it.

Plankton:
[laughing while he runs off as Mr. Krabs begins to chase him while having fun] I love being hated!

Mr. Krabs:
Hey, get back here you little booger! [laughs]

SpongeBob:
How about Duck, Duck, Hermit Krab? Hopscotch? Squidward Says? Steal The Bacon? Sleeping Sea Lions? Sharks and Minnows? Sink the Submarine? Kings and Queens? Mahjong? [Squidward is beginning to fume so he picks him up and shakes him] Whoa, I've never played this game before. What's it called?

Squidward:
It's called, "I will never play with you...EVER!" [throws SpongeBob in a hole and moves the refrigerator over it]

SpongeBob:
Patrick wouldn't steal Ol' Reliable. Would he? [imagines Patrick from earlier]

Patrick:
I would kill for a net like that! [takes out a carrot, breaks it in half, and laughs maniacally]

SpongeBob:
[screams] Have I been best friends with a master thief? I must know for sure.

SpongeBob:
[gasps] A reserved seat? Next to my friends? I made it! All I have to do is sit down and... [just when he sits down, everyone applauds as the curtains close, marking the end of the show, and SpongeBob completely loses it. Yells in frustration shaking his fists up making a rumbling sound as everyone looks at him in confusion] NO! [jumps on stage and tears the curtain] NO! It is not over!

Everyone:
Huh?

SpongeBob:
This was supposed to be my perfect day. But then everything... [a fish gets up and starts to leave, but SpongeBob stops him as he screams] SIT DOWN! [the fish does so] Then everything turned to doo-doo.

Mr. Krabs:
[he, Patrick and Sandy go upstage with him] It's okay, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
NO, IT'S NOT OKAY! [his yelling makes Mr. Krabs and Patrick flinch] This was gonna be my best day ever, starting with doing the best job in the world, working at the Krusty Krab!

Squidward:
How long do we have to keep this up?

Mr. Krabs:
Just till his little heart gives out, Squidward. Just till his little heart gives out.

Robo 2.1:
Greetings. I am Robo 2.1, your personal robot servant. I am proficient in providing over 250,000 creature comforts. Would you care for a pastry? [shoots a pastry into Patrick's mouth]

Patrick:
Yum. Sweet, hot, and juicy. SpongeBob, this is a great gift.