Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Season 3

T'Rul:
I'm not here to make friends!

Founder:
Welcome home, Odo.

Julian Bashir:
Well, I guess this means the end of our Starfleet careers.

Garak:
Well, I wouldn't worry about that, Doctor.

Jadzia Dax:
That's easy for you to say.

Garak:
Oh, you misunderstand me, Lieutenant. All I meant was, it's a little foolish to worry about your careers at a time like this, when there's a good chance we're all about to be killed.

Garak:
Didn't anyone tell you? You see, I pretend to be their friend...then I shoot you.

Quark:
Rule of Acquisition Number Two-eighty-six: “When Morn leaves, it's all over.”

Rom:
There is no such rule!

Quark:
There should be.

Grilka:
I really am very grateful for all you have done, Quark. That is why I'm going to let you take your hand off my thigh instead of shattering every bone in your body.

Quark:
I am Quark, son of Keldar. And I have come to answer the challenge of D'Ghor, son of... (pause) whoever.

[as D'Ghor raises his bat'leth, Quark drops his on the floor]

Quark:
Having me fight D'Ghor is nothing more than an execution. Well, if that's what you want, then that's what you'll get, an execution. No glory. No honor. [he kneels] And when you one day tell your children how you came to power and took Grilka's house from her, I hope you remember to tell them how you "heroically" killed an unarmed Ferengi, half your size.

D'Ghor:
Whatever you say, Ferengi!

[He raises the bat'leth to swing at Quark, but Gowron seizes his arm.]

Gowron:
D'Ghor, what are you doing?! I didn't want to believe the things he said about you yesterday... but if you can stand here and murder this pathetic little man, then you have no honor. (takes the Bat'leth from him and tosses it to the ground) You have no place in this hall.

Gowron:
A brave Ferengi. Who would have thought it possible?

Grilka:
You have given me back my house and my family name. How can I repay you?

Quark:
I would like a divorce, please. No offense!

Grilka:
None taken. I can give it to you right away...

(Grilka backhands Quark, shouts a Klingon insult, and spits at him)

Grilka:
(smug) You're a free man.

Rom:
Brother, I haven't told you: when you stood in the Great Hall, in front of D'Ghor, you were magnificent!

Quark:
[shrugs] I was lucky, that's all. If it didn't work, I didn't have another card to play. Business is dropping off again.

Rom:
Money isn't everything.

Quark:
If Father were alive, he'd wash your mouth out with galcor!

Rom:
You can't buy respect, brother. And that's what you have now—respect! That's what you wanted, isn't it?

Quark:
Respect is good... but latinum's better.

Jadzia Dax:
If you want to know who you are, it's important to know who you've been.

Garak:
You can't be serious! Commander, if I were allowed on Cardassia, do you really think I'd be living here?

Sisko:
Which brings up an interesting point. There're certain ministers in the Bajoran government who are concerned about your presence on the station; in fact, they want you removed. Right now, I see no alternative but to honor their request, unless of course... I can show them how you might be valuable to us.

Odo:
Rescuing Kira would go a long way toward improving your standing with the Bajoran government.

Garak:
Why should I care what the Bajoran government thinks of me?

Sisko:
I don't know. But it seems to me, if someone were in trouble with the Cardassian Central Command, a Bajoran space station under Federation control might just be the safest place in the galaxy.

Garak:
Commander, this is extortion.

Sisko:
Hmm...yes, it is.

Quark:
75: “Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.” "You're telling me I'm stuck here with you?"

Odo:
"No… I'm stuck here with you. Believe me, a far worse fate."

Quark:
"I should've listened to my father. He always warned me this was going to happen."

Odo:
"What, that you'd spend your final hours in jail? I could've told you that.""Quark, I've met a lot of Ferengis in my time, and the truth is, while some of them have been more wealthy, I've never met one more devious."

Quark:
"Really?"

Odo:
"Would I lie?"

Quark:
"I guess not. Thank you, Odo. That means a lot to me. Now, can I have the phaser back?"

Odo:
"No."

Quark:
"Why go to so much trouble to keep people out of the security office?"

Odo:
"It's not to keep people out, it's to keep me in. I suppose, during the Occupation, the Cardassians considered their security chief a security risk."

Quark:
"And I know why."

Odo:
"Oh, do you?"

Quark:
"It's because they knew you were an honorable man. The kind of person who would do the right thing regardless of the circumstances. And now your integrity… is going to get us both killed. I hope you're happy."

[Dukat has accidentally activated an old recording left by his former commanding officer]

Legate Kell:
Dukat! If you are seeing this recording, it means you tried to abandon your post while the station's self-destruct sequence was engaged. That will not be permitted.

Dukat:
(flustered) This is outrageous!

Legate Kell:
You have lost control of Terok Nor, disgracing yourself and Cardassia. Your attempt to escape is no doubt a final act of cowardice. All fail-safes have been eliminated. Your personal access codes have been rescinded. The destruct sequence can no longer be halted. All you can do now is contemplate the depth of your disgrace... and try to die like a Cardassian.

Gul Dukat:
...but someone has to pay for what's happened here, and I don't want that someone to be me.

Thomas Riker:
[saying the same thing William T. Riker will say about the Defiant in Star Trek: First Contact] Tough little ship.

Gul Dukat:
Today is his eleventh birthday. I'd promised to take him to the amusement center in Lakarian City. He always wanted to go but I never have the time. I told him, this year will be different this year, Mekor. This year I will make the time.

Benjamin Sisko:
I've had the same experience with Jake. At that age they never understand, do they? You just hope that one day they'll look back and say, “Now I understand, now I know why he did that.”

Gul Dukat:
When my son looks back on this day, the only thing he'll remember is that a Federation officer on a Federation ship invaded his home and kept his father away from him on his eleventh birthday. And he won't look back with understanding, he'll look back with hatred. And that's sad.

Jadzia Dax:
[after punching out Bareil] Sorry, Benjamin. He was just beginning to annoy me.

Jake Sisko:
Dad, you promised Nerys would be here!

Benjamin Sisko:
She will be. And stop calling her “Nerys”.

Lwaxana Troi:
Zanthi Fever?!? Oh, that— that's ridicu- that's impossible. That only affects older Betazoids.

Julian Bashir:
Well, that may be, but according to my tests, you show all the symptoms. Zanthi Fever is a virus which affects the empathic abilities of um... mature Betazoids. It causes them to project their emotions onto others.

Benjamin Sisko:
Then Mrs. Troi's amorous feelings for— [knowing smile] someone on the station were being passed along to the people around her.

Julian Bashir:
Not everyone, only those within close proximity to her when she had an attack; and even then, there would have had to have been some pre-existing latent attraction.

Benjamin Sisko:
[concerned] You're saying Dax—

Julian Bashir:
Only on a subconscious level. Best not think about it too much, if you ask me.

Lwaxana Troi:
I'm terribly sorry, Commander. I hope I haven't caused too much trouble.

Benjamin Sisko:
I'm sure no permanent harm was done. Right, Doctor?

Julian Bashir:
A simple wide-spectrum anti-viral agent should cure Mrs. Troi, and as for everyone else, well, they'll be back to normal in a day or two. Excuse me. [to Sisko] I promised Nerys that I'd meet her in her quarters this evening.

Benjamin Sisko:
[stopping him] I think you ought to postpone that visit... for a day or two.

Julian Bashir:
[disappointed sigh]

[Infatuated with Keiko]

Quark:
My ears tingle at the sight of you.

Julian Bashir:
Nervous, Chief?

Miles O'Brien:
What are you talking about?

Julian Bashir:
That's your fifth cup of coffee in twenty minutes.

Miles O'Brien:
I didn't realize you were keeping track.

Julian Bashir:
Oh, nervous and irascible.

Miles O'Brien:
If you hadn't seen your wife and child for two months, you'd be irascible too.

Julian Bashir:
Well, believe me, I'm looking forward to Keiko and Molly's visit as much as you are.

Miles O'Brien:
Ha, I doubt that.

Julian Bashir:
How many games of raquetball have we played in the last two months?

Miles O'Brien:
I don't know. Fifteen, maybe twenty.

Julian Bashir:
Try seventy. I've been keeping track of that, too, and do you know what all those games have proved to me? That I'm a poor substitute for your wife.

Miles O'Brien:
I could have told you that sixty games ago.

Kira Nerys:
Now, Jake, what can I do for you?

Jake Sisko:
I need some advice. See, there's this older woman and I think we're perfect for each other.

Kira Nerys:
Ah, and she doesn't.

Jake Sisko:
I don't know what she thinks.

Kira Nerys:
Well, Jake, my advice to you is to tell Marda how you feel. That way you'll know...

Jake Sisko:
Marda and I broke up.

Kira Nerys:
You broke up? Well then, who?

Jake Sisko:
You.

Kira Nerys:
...Me?

Jake Sisko:
I love you, Nerys. Wanna go out with me?

Quark:
You humans, you never learn. You let your women go out in public, hold jobs, wear clothing, and you wonder why your marriages fall apart.

Julian Bashir:
Causing people to suffer because you hate them is terrible, but causing people to suffer because you have forgotten how to care— That’s really hard to understand.

Quark:
You can't free a fish from water.

Biddle Coleridge:
Why are they so surprised? When you treat people like animals, you're gonna get bit.

Biddle Coleridge:
You really gonna shoot me, Bell? I don't think so.

Benjamin Sisko:
Think again.

Biddle Coleridge:
I thought we were on the same side here!

Benjamin Sisko:
We are—but you get on my nerves, and I don't like your hat. Now put the gun down.

Doctor Bashir:
There is one thing I don't understand; how could they have let things get so bad?

Benjamin Sisko:
That's a good question, Doctor. I wish I had an answer.

Doctor Bashir:
It's not your fault the way things are.

Lee:
Everybody tells themselves that. And nothing ever changes.

[Kai Winn is trying to compel Dr. Bashir to treat Vedek Bareil in a way that will endanger his health]

Dr. Julian Bashir:
Listen to me. I don't care about your negotiations, and I don't care about your treaty. All I care about is my patient, and at the moment he needs more medical care and less politics. Now, you can either leave here willingly or I'll call security and have you thrown out.

Major Kira Nerys:
You won't need to call them. I'll do it myself.

Kai Winn:
How is Bareil?

Dr. Julian Bashir:
The organ replacement surgery went well. He's still unconscious, but he should be awake within the hour.

Kai Winn:
Oh, good. There are still several points I have to discuss with him before the next negotiating session.

Dr. Julian Bashir:
That's why I'm here. When you see Bareil, I want you to tell him that you don't need him, that you can complete these negotiations without him.

Kai Winn:
But I do need him, Doctor.

Dr. Julian Bashir:
I realise that. But I want you to tell him that you don't.

Kai Winn:
You seem to be asking me to lie.

Dr. Julian Bashir:
I'm asking you to free Bareil of his obligations to you. The only way he'll accept that is if you tell him he's no longer needed, that you can go on without him. Now, if that's a lie, then so be it.

Kai Winn:
That doesn't sound like a Starfleet officer.

Dr. Julian Bashir:
I'm a doctor first. And right now, I'm trying to give my patient his best chance to live. The only way to do that is to put him in stasis. Bareil knows that, but his desire to complete these negotiations is so strong that he's forcing me to keep him conscious and mentally alert, even though it may kill him.

Kai Winn:
None of us wants that to happen, Doctor. But if I'm not mistaken, the decision regarding Bareil's treatment is up to him.

Dr. Julian Bashir:
Yes. As the patient, it is his right to make that choice. But I'm asking you to help me change his mind. Eminence, you're the Kai. These are your negotiations. Let this be your moment in history. Finish the talks on your own and you won't have to share the credit with anyone.

Kai Winn:
You say that as though success is guaranteed, Doctor.

Dr. Julian Bashir:
Of course. If the talks fail, you'll need someone to accept the blame. A scapegoat. [disgusted] You're a coward. You're afraid to stand alone.

Kai Winn:
Bareil's already made his decision, Doctor. I won't interfere. And Doctor? [in a threatening tone] I won't forget what you've said here.

Dr. Julian Bashir:
[coldly] Neither will I.

[Bareil has been declared brain-dead]

Kira Nerys:
[fighting back tears] Julian, you can't give up now. You have to keep going.

Dr. Julian Bashir:
[sadly] Nerys, if I remove the rest of his brain and replace it with a machine, he may look like Bareil, he may even talk like Bareil, but he won't be Bareil. The spark of life will be gone. He'll be dead. And I'll be the one who killed him.

Kira Nerys:
[sobbing] But if we do nothing, he'll die!

Dr. Julian Bashir:
That's right, he will. But he'll die like a man, not a machine. Please, don't make me fight you on this one. Just let him go.

Kira:
You're right. The next time we are asked out to dinner, I'll make sure you're the one who says, "No".

Odo:
I'd appreciate that.

[Nog has been asking Sisko for a letter of recommendation to join Starfleet Academy; Sisko has refused, thinking it's some kind of scam]

Sisko:
I'm not going to put my reputation on the line just to satisfy some whim of yours.

Nog:
It's not just a whim. I'm serious about joining Starfleet.

Sisko:
: I don't have time for this, Nog. Now whatever little scheme you had, you can forget it. I'm not giving you that letter.

Nog:
[angered] It's not a joke or a scheme! I want to join Starfleet. I want it more than anything I've ever wanted anything in my life!

Sisko:
You're a Ferengi. Why would you want to be in Starfleet? Where's the profit in it?

Nog:
I don't care about profit!

Sisko:
Then what do you care about!? [Sisko takes Nog's shoulders and shakes him] Come on, Nog, tell me! Why is it so damned important for you to get into Starfleet? Why are you doing this?

Nog:
[voice breaking] Because I don't want to end up like my father! [shocked, Sisko releases him]

Sisko:
Your father?

Nog:
That's right. My father. He's been chasing profit his whole life, and what has it gotten him? Nothing. And you know why? Because he doesn't have the lobes...and neither do I.

Sisko:
[quoting] "And a Ferengi without profit..."

Nog:
…"is no Ferengi at all."

Sisko:
The eighteenth Rule of Acquisition.

Nog:
My father is a mechanical genius. He could've been Chief Engineer of a starship if he'd had the opportunity. But he went into business, like a good Ferengi. The only thing is, he's not a good Ferengi, not when it comes to acquiring profit. So now all he has to live for is the slim chance that someday, somehow, he might be able to take over my uncle's bar. Well, I'm not going to make the same mistake. I want to do something with my life. Something worthwhile.

Sisko:
Like joining Starfleet.

Nog:
I may not have an instinct for business, but I have my father's hands and my uncle's tenacity. I know I've got something to offer, I just need the chance to prove it.

Sisko:
All right. I'll see that you get that chance.

Nog:
[overjoyed] You're going to recommend me to Starfleet Academy?

Sisko:
I'll send the letter the first thing tomorrow morning.

Nog:
Commander, I don't know how to thank you! [he tries to embrace Sisko, only for Sisko to hold him at arm's length]

Sisko:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't thank me yet. You still have a lot of work ahead of you.

Nog:
Don't worry. You're never going to regret this. [he offers his hand and Sisko shakes it]

Female Changeling:
[to Odo, regarding Major Kira] She is never going to love you. How could she? You are a Changeling.

Jadzia Dax:
And as the 34th Rule of Acquisition states: "Peace is good for business."

Quark:
That's the 35th Rule.

Jadzia Dax:
Oh, you're right. What's the 34th?

Quark:
"War is good for business." It's easy to get them confused.

Quark:
Greed is eternal.

Quark:
(holding the Grand Nagus' new book) You rewrote the Rules of Acquisition?

Quark:
Read me the first word of every rule.

Rom:
(flipping through the pages) "If" "never" "keep" "profit" "a" "good" "smile" "honesty"...

Quark:
Aha! (standing up, he stares at the ceiling as if he'd just realized a hidden message) “If never keep profit, a good smile... honesty!”

Rom:
What does it mean, brother?

Quark:
It means... absolutely... nothing.

Quark:
You embezzled money from the Nagus?

Rom:
Surprise!

Quark:
Father would be proud!

O'Brien:
Quark?

Quark:
Yes?

O'Brien:
Dabo.

Quark:
Dabo? Huh?

(beat, then the sound of a Dabo table paying out)

Bar Patrons:
Dabo!

Quark:
O'Brien! Wait!

Julian Bashir:
And you, Chief, you represent my uncertainty and my doubt.

Miles O'Brien:
No I don't!

Elim Garak:
To think—after all this time, all our lunches together—you still don't trust me. There's hope for you yet, doctor.

[after Bashir tells the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf]

Julian Bashir:
The point is, if you lie all the time, nobody's going to believe you even when you're telling the truth.

Elim Garak:
Are you sure that's the point, Doctor?

Julian Bashir:
Of course. What else could it be?

Elim Garak:
That you should never tell the same lie twice.

Elim Garak:
The truth is usually just an excuse for the lack of imagination.

Bashir:
Is there anything you need me to do while you're gone?

Garak:
Like what?

Bashir:
I don't know— Any unfinished business?

Garak:
Actually, Doctor, there is something. If you go into my quarters and examine the bulkhead next to the replicator, you'll notice there’s a false panel. Behind that panel is a compartment containing an isolinear rod. If I'm not back within 78 hours, I want you to take that rod and eat it.

Bashir:
Eat it?!

Garak:
Um-hum.

Bashir:
You're joking.

Garak:
Yes, Doctor, I am.

Bashir:
Very. Funny.

Garak:
I thought so! But the answer to your question, Doctor, is, “No. There is nothing you can do for me while I'm away.”

Enabran Tain:
Do you remember getting that confession out of Dr. Parmak?

Elim Garak:
I never even touched him.

Enabran Tain:
That was the beauty of it. You just sat there for—what, three hours?

Elim Garak:
Four!

Enabran Tain:
And after four hours of watching you stare at him, he confessed.

Elim Garak:
I was good, wasn't I?

Enabran Tain:
You were brilliant. Afterwards, he just kept saying, "His eyes... his eyes."

Colonel Lovok:
The fleet has re-cloaked and is heading to our destination at Warp six.

Elim Garak:
Warp six? That's a little slow, isn't it?

[the Jem'Hadar is firing on their ship]

Enabran Tain:
How could this be? What could have happened?

Elim Garak:
I'm afraid the fault, dear Tain, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.

Enabran Tain:
What?

Elim Garak:
Something I learned from Doctor Bashir.

Chief Miles O'Brien:
My mother always said, 'If you try to combine talking and eating, you'll end up doing neither very well.'

Elim Garak:
(to Odo) Tell me something, Odo! Lie if you have to, but say it, now, please!

Lovok Changeling:
The Tal Shiar and the Obsidian Order are both ruthless, efficient organizations—a definite threat to us.

Odo:
But not after today?

Lovok Changeling:
No, after today the only threat remaining to us from the Alpha Quadrant are the Klingons and the Federation. And I doubt either of them will be a threat for much longer.

[Sisko tells of the Cardassian/Romulan fleet being wiped out by the Jem'Hadar]

Admiral Toddman:
Sounds like Wolf 359 all over again.

Elim Garak:
Do you know what the sad part is, Odo? I'm a very good tailor.

Kira Nerys:
Well, now that you have another pip on your collar, does that mean I can't disagree with you anymore?

Benjamin Sisko:
No. It just means I'm never wrong.

Michael Eddington:
People don't enter Starfleet to become commanders, or admirals for that matter. It's the captain's chair that everyone has their eye on.

Chief Miles O'Brien:
(looking at two Odos, one is real and the other a Changeling imposter) I have more important things to do than play "Choose the Changeling"!

Odo:
The Changeling, before he died, he whispered something to me.

Benjamin Sisko:
Go on.

Odo:
He said, "You're too late. We're everywhere."