Superman: The Animated Series, Season 2

Mala:
I am Mala, Superman's second in command. I offer you my promise that to this world that I will follow in Superman's tradition of just rule with a fair hand.

Lois Lane:
I thought I was career minded.

Superman:
I care for everyone... though you're pushing it right now.

Jax-Ur:
I must say it seems a shame to kill the one other survivor of Krypton. I'd offer you a place in our new order, but something tells me you'd turn it down.

Superman:
Guess you're not as dumb as you look.

Jax-Ur:
Your father was a clever man, though I see you share his poor judgment in choosing sides.

Superman:
Glad to disappoint you.

Lois Lane:
It must hurt your fingers, clamping down on my throat like that...

Mala:
I'll live.

Lois Lane:
I'm gonna personally lead the army that vaporizes you two.

Mala:
Or vice-versa. Either way, see you soon.

Jax-Ur:
Look at it this way, Kal-El: death is better than the Phantom Zone.

Superman:
I'll take your word for it.

Professor Emil Hamilton:
What do you have against him, Hardcastle?

General Hardcastle:
He's an alien. He has no allegiance, no jurisdiction. I don't trust what I can't control, Hamiliton, and I don't like what I can't trust.

[After an explosion]

Jimmy Olsen:
Sonic boom? Earthquake?

Lois Lane:
Maybe Perry had chili for lunch again.

Superman:
Save it for the race.

Flash:
Don't worry about me, pal. I've got more than enough heat to beat your sorry...

Mayor:
Ahem...

Flash:
Swanky, but you don't need a satellite to see who's gonna win this race.

Superman:
Shut up and run.

Lois Lane:
Flash! Do you really think you stand a chance against the Man of Steel?

The Flash:
Man of Steel, Feet of lead!

Superman:
Slow down, a ship's in trouble.

Flash:
Yeah, nice try, Supes. [Notices Superman is gone] Hey! Wait for me!

Flash:
Unusual weather we're having.

Superman:
You had to say it.

Leslie Willis:
What's the deal with you and Superman, huh?

Lois Lane:
What are you talking about?

Leslie Willis:
Come on, you're always getting exclusives with him. Just how exclusive are you two?

[Clark Kent clears his throat nervously]

Lois Lane:
It's not like that.

Leslie Willis:
Oh it's not, huh? Ah, I guess we'll never know if his pj's have that big red S on them too.

Perry White:
Boy, this sure brings back the old days. When I was your age we didn't have computers or fax machines or...

Lois Lane:
Yeah, yeah, and you walked ten miles in your bare feet to work every day.

Livewire:
[after being tackled by Superman] At least now we know you hit girls!

Boy #1:
What if he dies?

Boy #2:
I'm not telling his mom.

Superman Imposter:
All right. Who wants to explain what you were doing up there?

Tommy:
They dared me!

Boy #2:
We didn't think you'd do it!

Superman Imposter:
I know it's tough to turn down a dare, but sometimes being brave means using your head and not doing something dangerous just cause other kids pressure you.

Clark Kent:
Er, thanks, Super... man...

Superman Imposter:
Maybe you two should leave the dirty work to the authorities, hmm?

Clark Kent:
Er, I...

Lois Lane:
Yeah, right... Have you ever known me to play it safe?

Superman Imposter:
[ponders] I suppose not. We should have a word about that. Maybe over dinner?

Superman Imposter:
It's a date.

Lois Lane:
[Imposter flies off] A date? [seems to realizing that Superman likes her] Huh. Must be this new perfume.

Lois Lane:
Hey, Smallville, you alright?

Clark Kent:
Er, yeah. A little shaken up, I guess. You go on ahead, Lois, I feel like... walking it off.

Lois Lane:
Are you nuts?! We're miles from nowhere! What about the story?

Clark Kent:
You know us country bumpkins... 10 miles to school and all that...

Lois Lane:
Your loss! My byline...

Superman:
[to Superman Imposter] Excuse me. I know you're a busy guy, but I'm dying to get your autograph.

Bizarro:
I... have... problem.

Lex Luthor:
My friend, I would call that an understatement.

[Lois is on the roof top of the Daily Planet then a shadow figure shows up Lois assume it was Superman)

Lois Lane:
I wasn't sure you'd really come. [the shadow figure comes out revealing to be not Superman, but Bizarro]

Bizarro:
Me remember. [Lois is shocked at the sight of Bizarro] Me need Lois help. Don't be afraid, me never hurt you. [Superman arrives]

Superman:
I heard about our date, Lois. Problem is you've made it with the wrong guy.

Bizarro:
Imposter! Stay back, Lois! Me protect you! [pushes Superman to the Daily Planet statue causing it to break off the stand and fall off]

Bizarro:
Lois. [Lois backs away too far causing her to slip and fall from the edge but Bizarro saves her] Don't worry, me save Lois. Me always save Lois. Me hero. [As Bizarro flies away with Lois, Superman puts the Daily Planet Statue back into place and begins searching for Bizarro and Lois when he realized their gone]

[Lois sees cryonic tubes full of Superman clones]

Lois Lane:
Your own army of Supermen?!

Lex Luthor:
Precisely Miss Lane. Do you remember when your admirer fought the mechanical dinosaur?

Lois Lane:
Gosh, how could I forget it?

Lex Luthor:
Well, he was so weakened from the Kryptonite he actually bled. And from those few humble drops of blood my scientists have been able to clone his Kryptonian DNA. Remarkable.

Lois Lane:
All accountable to you! Let me guess, world domination?

[Lex Luthor guffaws]

Lex Luthor:
No, too obvious! Rather, I plan to share my services with anyone who calls the LexCorp hotline. Anyone who needs saving, gets it. For a fee, of course. They would be on call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. [motions to Bizarro] All except this...technical difficulty.

Bizarro:
What am me?

Mercy Graves:
Bizarro, that's what you am.

Lex Luthor:
Mercy!

Bizarro:
Bizarro? That not my name!

Mercy Graves:
If the shoe fits, handsome...

Bizarro:
No Bizarro! Me am Superman! Me show!

[Bizarro smashes roof]

Lex Luthor:
[To Mercy] That's coming out of your pay.

[Superman saves some people at a wedding from a falling crane]

Superman:
Don't ask me. I just catch 'em.

Bizarro:
Me am Superman! Me am hero!

Lex Luthor:
Sorry, my friend, but you am toast.

Bizarro:
[Struggling to support crumbling roof] Me hold... you go. Me no am Superman. You am Superman! Superman - save Lois!

Lois Lane:
You are a hero.

Lois Lane:
Do you think he survived?

Superman:
I don't know. I've never been in a half kiloton blast. I hope he did. He turned out to have a good heart.

Lois Lane:
Well, naturally. He came from good stock.

Lois Lane:
I'm not just "one of the other reporters". This was an attempt on my life, you know?

Detective Kurt Bowman:
You really wanna be helpful? Try making a list of all the people who might wanna see you dead. And try to keep it to one page.

Lois Lane:
[After kicking Lytener] Daddy was a black belt!

Lois Lane:
Someday though it'd be nice to see you when I wasn't about to be killed.

Superman:
Someday...

Superman:
I can't even say your name forward. How am I supposed to say it backward?

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
No, dope! You don't have to say it backwards! You've got to get me to say it!

Superman:
Say what?

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
KLTPZYXM! Gosh, you're thick! Now, for the last time- [realizes his mistake] Ah, nuts. [disappears]

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
Your three months are up. And this time, you're not gonna cheat me out of my fun!

Clark Kent:
Oh, it's you again, Mr. Kltpzyxm.

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
Not Kltpzyxm! Mxyzptlk! Now the first thing I'm gonna do- [realizes] Oh, nuts! [disappears]

Clark Kent:
Look, little guy, I'm tired of this. If it's a fight you want...

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
Oh, it is, it is!

Clark Kent:
Fine. First let me proofread this article, and I'll meet you on the roof in twenty minutes.

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
No stalling! I'll edit the rag for ya. [looks over the article, then quickly crosses out the incorrect letters, which spell "KLTPZYXM"] There. [vanishing again] Hey, what?! NO-!

[After Mxyzptlk goes to defeat Superman, piloting a giant robot that took him three months to build]

Gsptlsnz:
Five, four, three...

Mr. Mxyzptlk:
[reappears] NUTS, NUTS, NUTS! [to Gsptlsnz] Not one word.

Metallo:
Lois Lane. I'd give you a kiss, if I still had my lips.

Lois Lane:
Let go of me, you walking waffle iron!

Metallo:
Now, now. Not in front of the children.

Metallo:
Nice spacesuit. When I'm done with you, you'll wish you were on the moon.

Lois Lane:
You'll never get away with this, Corben!

Metallo:
Miss Lane, please! Such cliches! How ever did you win that Pulitzer?

Metallo:
[half-buried in lava] It's so still and dark. No sound. No light. Nothingness. My mind... I cannot let it drift. I must remember. I am Metallo... I am Metallo...

[A janitor is listening to his Walkman]

Livewire:
Psst! Hey, Mr. Clean!... Yow, Rap Master Danny?... HEY, STUPID!

Janitor:
[takes his headphones off] Huh?

Livewire:
I love a man who knows his limitations...

Livewire:
Argh! You smell like fish!

Parasite:
So? Hold your nose...

Livewire:
Uh, uh. You can look, but don't touch.

Parasite:
Don't be afraid. I know how to control my power.

Livewire:
That's what they all say.

Livewire:
You stupid sleaze! I'm pure electricity, 186,000 miles per second. If I say no it means NO!

Livewire:
Well, what do you know? The boy scout brought protection.

Parasite:
That ain't fair!

Superman:
I didn't realize there were rules.

Livewire:
[After Superman's plastic coating has been removed] Uh-oh! Do not use if plastic seal is broken!

Livewire:
Yeah, Blue Boy, this has been a long time coming. Get ready to snap, crackle and pop.

Parasite:
[While draining Livewire of her powers] I want him alive so can keeping feeding off him, and you too. You said no to me for the last time, baby.

[Lytener is escaping from prison]

Guard:
That's close enough, Lytener.

Edward Lytener:
Close enough to what? I'm not even here. [He vanishes]

Luminus:
Don't feel bad, Lois. It's not personal this time. I have bigger fish to fry and frankly you're just bait.

Lois Lane:
Oh yeah, that makes me feel loads better.

Luminus:
[to Superman] You'll realize what I've done to you soon enough. See you soon [vanishes] even if you don't see me.

[On the phone]

Lois Lane:
Come on, Lex! Those are your satellites up there and Lytener worked for you before, how do you expect me to believe you have nothing to do with it?

[in his office, Lex is practicing with a bow and arrow]

Lex Luthor:
What you believe makes little difference to me. The fact is I did provide Lytener resources while behind bars, but only to legitimate LexCorp research. I had no idea he'd escape and I certainly didn't tell him to highjack my satellites to his own revenge.

Lois Lane:
Heck, why not? You'd love to see Superman dead!

Lex Luthor:
Oh please, Lois, forget that I'm losing millions in communication's revenues, do you really think I'd jeopardize the welfare of the planet just to settle my personal grudge with Superman? [Luthor shoots an arrow and hits the bullseye, then grins]

Luminus:
Getting weaker, I see. You must be at—what? Half strength by now?

Superman:
Wanna try me?

Superman:
And how are holograms suppose to kill me?

Luminus:
Well, we might only be made of light, but so are lasers.

Lois Lane:
Look! Up in the sky!

Jimmy Olsen:
It's a bird!

Lois Lane:
Yeah, but what's it sitting on?

Lois Lane:
If you had an invisible door, would you bother to lock it?

Luminus:
Get those lights out of my eyes!

Superman:
[turning him over] You heard him. Put him somewhere nice and dark.

Alternate Lex Luthor:
[Referring to Lois Lane] The insolence. The outright rudeness. She's definitely the genuine article.

Lois Lane:
Hey, I'm not finished!

Alternate Lex Luthor:
I beg to differ.

Alternate Angela Chen:
Lois? Lois Lane? My God, it's you, it's really you! You're alive, after all these years! Can you loan me a dollar?

Lois Lane:
So, I am Lois Lane, but I'm not the Lois Lane that you knew...

Alternate Superman:
Ever since you- she died I've wondered if there were other dimensions out there. Other versions of me... and you.

Lois Lane:
Hold it! I may be a lot like your Lois, but you're nothing like the Superman I know! He's no tyrant.

Alternate Superman:
I had to take control, there was no other way. For too long I fooled myself into thinking I was just doing a simple clean-up job. And if I did enough good, people would follow my example. I didn't realize it was a war. And suddenly you were a casualty of that war. And I knew I had to stop it by whatever means possible.

Alternate Superman:
You never knew what I felt about you. I never knew, till you were gone.

Lois Lane:
[slaps him] You could've said something. We could've talked about it and figured it out! Now look at you... married to Luthor...

Alternate Superman:
I never thought I'd lose you... twice.

Lois Lane:
Will it change anything?

Alternate Superman:
For me, but not for Metropolis. Not this time.

[After Lois was returned back to her world]

Superman:
So that was me?

Lois Lane:
Yes. And... no. It-it's complicated. I could explain it over dinner.

Superman:
Dinner? Are we getting a little personal?

Lois Lane:
Better now than never...

Colonel Sam Lane:
Lois, it's time.

Lois Lane:
No! No, I won't let you take him!

Colonel Sam Lane:
But, Lois, you knew one day Titano would have to leave us. He has to go on his mission now.

Lois Lane:
But can't you send Lucy into space instead?

Lucy Lane:
I'll go!

Lois Lane:
Titano! Remember me? Lolo?

Clark Kent:
Lolo?!

Lois Lane:
I was eight, okay?

Clark Kent:
Looks like you're just what the doctor ordered... Lolo.

Lois Lane:
No, Titano, put down that vase! Give me back the remote! Come down from there! [to herself] Sure was easier to have a monkey in a house where mom did the cleaning...

Lois Lane:
Er, Jimmy, think you could keep an eye on him for a hour or two?

Jimmy Olsen:
Me?

Lois Lane:
You've got to take the photos anyway, and I know they'll be terrific.

Jimmy Olsen:
But...

Lois Lane:
It's just like babysitting... with fleas.

Bibbo Bibbowski:
All right, Cheetah, you asked for it. [slaps giant Titano with a newspaper] Bad monkey! Bad, bad monkey!

Maggie Sawyer:
Criminals, madmen and aliens we can handle, but this?

[Jimmy and Lois are looking for Beppo]

Jimmy Olsen:
You're sure it's in here?

Lois Lane:
Yes, I'm sure, so shut up and keep squeezing the monkeys!

Clark Kent:
I wonder what new toy Luthor is showing off for the brass today.

Lois Lane:
Whatever it is I’m sure it’s going to wind up on all their Christmas lists...

Lois Lane:
Sabotage?

Clark Kent:
Has to be. Luthor's too careful to foul up like that.

Lois Lane:
But who'd want to destroy Luthor? [Clark stares] Well, yeah. But who'd be crazy enough to try?

Brainiac:
I needed a way of attracting your attention.

Lex Luthor:
There is always email!

Brainiac:
I have been using these robots to rebuild my damaged frame, but they are far too crude to complete the job. For that, I need your hands, and your brilliance.

Lex Luthor:
You flatter me, Brainiac, but I already have a day job. [Brainiac seals door, but Lex keeps his calm] I am the CEO of one of the world's foremost multinational corporations. Do you not think someone will notice I am missing?

Brainiac:
No one is irreplaceable. Allow me to demonstrate.

[Brainiac generates a hologram of Lex Luthor sitting in his office, then accesses phone lines]

Mercy Graves:
Hello?

Hologram:
Miss Graves, I am still conducting my investigation and I do not wish to be disturbed.

Mercy Graves:
Yes sir.

[Mercy hangs up phone while the real Lex Luthor watches in horror]

Brainiac:
Well then, shall we begin?

Mercy Graves:
What would you do without me?

Lex Luthor:
Let's hope it never comes to that.

Lois Lane:
Hey, Lex, what went wrong? Premature product launch?

Clark Kent:
Maybe he should make time. [He goes towards Luthor's office door]

Mercy Graves:
Hey! [Bars his way] One more step and it gets ugly.

[Clark forces his way past Mercy and opens the door]

Clark Kent:
What are you trying to pull here? Where's Luthor?

Mercy Graves:
[shocked] He... he was right here! You saw him...

[Clark goes to Luthor's desk, and picks up a mug]

Clark Kent:
This coffee's ice-cold. No one's been here for a while. Well?

Mercy Graves:
[uneasy] I'm afraid you'll have to leave, Mr. Kent, right now.

Clark Kent:
Do yourself a favor, Miss Graves: call me when your lord and master shows up.

Clark Kent:
Granted, Lois, Luthor does lots of strange things, but what reason could he possibly have for trying to fool his own bodyguard?

Lois Lane:
Maybe he needed some space. Haven't you ever noticed the way she hovers around him all the time?

Clark Kent:
But that's her job.

Lois Lane:
It's no wonder why you're still single, Kent.

Brainiac:
Your efficiency has been markedly decreasing. Care to explain why?

Lex Luthor:
I am not an infernal machine! I need food and rest!

Brainiac:
There is no time for rest, but if it is food you need, I can accomodate you on that.

[Brainiac uses laser to blast open vending machines. Lex treats the snack food and sodas like a feast, then looks in shock at his reflection in the broken glass, which shows a stubbly face and raccoon eyes, a far cry from the powerful CEO image he shows to the public]

Lex Luthor:
You can't kill me until I finish the job, and I'll rot before I help you any more!

[Luthor starts to leave, but Brainiac's image disappears, and his body rises from the table]

Brainiac:
I believe I can take it from here.

Superman:
[After seeing Mercy's continued loyalty to Luthor] Just a stray...

Martha Kent:
Your editor wasn't angry with Clark was he? He certainly seemed upset.

Lois Lane:
Nah, the chief always sounds like that. It's part of his charm.

Jonathan Kent:
Somebody should take the bruiser down a peg!

Superman:
Stop, there's an innocent man!

Kalibak:
How naïve you are. On Apokolips, we are taught, even as children, that no one is innocent.

Kalibak:
You see, Superman, life breeds death. Everything that lives must kill something to survive. And I am a survivor.

Superman:
Whoever you are...

Kalibak:
My name is Kalibak!

Superman:
I'll settle with you in a moment.

Darkseid:
A technicality of his birth. As far as destiny and I are concerned, I have no son.

Martha Kent:
[as Superman fights Kalibak] Clark, look out!

Lois Lane:
Clark? Where...?

Lois Lane:
No matter how many times I see that, I'll never get used to it.

Jonathan Kent:
Me neither.

Kalibak:
Please! Father!

[Darkseid fires his Omega Beams at Kalibak, who cries out in pain]

Darkseid:
You'll beg louder than that when I'm done with you.

[Flying in, after Darkseid has just vaporized his son, Kalibak]

Superman:
What have you done to him? [Pause; no response] I asked you a question. Who are you? [Smile; no response] Answer me!

Darkseid:
[attacks Superman with his Omega Beams, frying him until he's on the ground, writhing] That is who I am.

Desaad:
You sacrificed your s-, ah, Kalibak?

Darkseid:
One casualty.

Desaad:
How many there will be before you destroy Superman and conquer the Earth?

Darkseid:
As many as it takes.

Terrorist:
Let's make an example of this hero. A very tragic example, I'm afraid, Miss...?

Lois Lane:
Lane.

Terrorist:
Lane? Lois Lane? The one Superman always saves?

Lois Lane:
'Fraid so.

Superman:
I hope I didn't shake you and the others up too bad.

Lois Lane:
I have to say... I've gotten used to it. [Superman smiles and turns to leave. After a pause, Lois goes after him]

Lois Lane:
Um...Superman?

Superman:
Yes?

Lois Lane:
Um, how can I put this...I was just thinking, it might be nice to see each other when I wasn't-I don't know, falling out a window or something. Not that I'm not grateful for all the times you've helped me, you understand.

Superman:
I understand.

Lois Lane:
You do?

[explosion in the distance, bank robbers getting away]

Superman:
It's the First National Bank.

Lois Lane:
You better go. People might- [Superman takes off] -get hurt. [starts walking dejectedly away] I understand, Lois. Really, you do! Yep, you're a complete moron. Why, thank you, Superman, I think I'm a total loser too...geez.

Lex Luthor:
[reading] "Metropolis's favorite son: Superman." Yeah, right. Favorite son, my... [slams the paper down]

Lex Luthor:
The office. Now

Harley Quinn:
[disguised as Mercy] Swell, Mr. L.

Lex Luthor:
"Mr. L."?

Joker:
[to Luthor] I sense we are kindred spirits, you and I. Oh, there are differences, to be sure... like hair.

Joker:
Pay me one billion dollars, and I'll kill Superman!

Lex Luthor:
[laughs] What makes you think you can kill Superman when you can't even handle a mere mortal in a Halloween costume?

Joker:
[grabs him angrily] There's nothing "mere" about that mortal!

Joker:
Ceasar Carlini, my old pal! Why I haven't seen you since... Wait, I've never seen you, have I? You need to get out more.

Carlini:
Who is this clown?

Joker:
Oh, not clown. Joker [Flips his card at the table, which imbeds itself]

Clark Kent:
I hear Wayne's deal with Lexcorp could run into the billions. He's a high roller.

Lois Lane:
I hear he's nothing but Gotham trash. Rich, spoiled, and... [Bruce Wayne walks off the plane] Absolutely gorgeous!

Bruce Wayne:
So he just appears when there's trouble? No special signal?

Lois Lane:
He's not like your Batman, thank goodness!

Bruce Wayne:
Then how do you contact him?

Lois Lane:
Committing a felony helps. Listen, you seem awfully interested in Superman. Do you want me to fix you two up?

Lex Luthor:
The joint chiefs have shown tremendous interest. It doesn't take much imagination to envision these robots on the battlefield.

Bruce Wayne:
Except... I won't allow it.

Lex Luthor:
What?

Bruce Wayne:
I don't like guns. Blame it on me, Lex. Tell your pals at the Pentagon... I just don't have the imagination.

Clark Kent:
So just keep your ears open. Let me know if you hear any buzz about the Joker.

Bibbo Bibbowski:
Sure thing, Mr. Kent. Uh.. but, uh, which one? There's lots of jokers around here.

Batman:
Where's the Joker?

Binko:
Who knows? Making 'ha-ha' with Harley Quinn? [Batman shoves him hard against the door] I don't know, honest! I never went back after he muscled in. I want nothing to do with that clown!

Superman:
[Arrives, putting his hand on Batman's arm] That's enough. I think you got your answer. [Batman grabs Superman's arm and throws him onto a table. While he's distracted, Binko runs off. Batman turns to go after him, but Superman body-checks him into the wall, dazing Batman]

Superman:
I heard you were crazy. I didn't think you were stupid. [uses X-ray vision to see through Batman's cowl] Bruce Wayne?

Batman:
You peeked.

Superman:
I won't have vigilantism in my town.

Batman:
[Secretly taking a small bag out of his belt] You'll be rid of me...as soon as I find the Joker.

Superman:
That may not be soon enough. [Batman holds up the small bag, which contains a piece of kryptonite. Superman groans and starts to back away]

Batman:
It doesn't take much, does it? The Joker has 20 pounds more where this came from. Thought you might like to know. [Tosses the bag into a glass of water. Superman looks at it, then turns and sees Batman is gone]

Dan Turpin:
Swell, now Gotham is sending us their wackos.

Bruce Wayne:
You realize she's just the bait.

Superman:
I'll be careful.

Bruce Wayne:
Careful won't cut it. With Joker, expect the unexpected.

Superman:
Maybe you should have remembered that.

Joker:
See that he's street pizza! In this town, some flying fool could've caught him!

[Clark returns to his apartment after his confrontation with Batman, where he discovered that he's Bruce Wayne. After a phone call to Lois, he notices a small bat transmitter on his cape. He looks out his window, and sees, in the distance, Batman watching through binoculars, showing that he now knows Clark is Superman. Batman waves and leaves.]

Clark Kent:
Touché.

Lois Lane:
Clark, keep an eye on Bruce, will you? I'll be right back.

Clark Kent:
Actually, Lois-

Lois Lane:
Don't be intimidated. Regale him with madcap tales of the nightlife in Smallville. [Leaves]

Bruce Wayne:
She never stops, does she?

Clark Kent:
Not that I've noticed. [Quietly] Any luck finding the comedian?

Bruce Wayne:
[In Batman voice] Three nights, and not so much as a green hair.

Clark Kent:
Of course, you have been dividing your time between work and Lois.

Bruce Wayne:
Is that a problem?

Clark Kent:
Let's just say I'm concerned. Your reputation is... dubious, in and out of costume.

Bruce Wayne:
Don't worry, I'm taking Lois quite seriously. [leans down] Besides, it seems to me you had your chance.

[Superman busts into a Lexcorp lab]

Joker:
More powerful than a locomotive...and just about as subtle. [Superman steps out of the shadows, wearing a lead suit] Ooo! I'm flattered that you put on your Sunday best!

Joker:
[When Superman, unaffected by Joker's kryptonite thanks to his lead suit, forces Joker to take him to Lois] I don't understand! I had it all planned so perfectly...Oh, wait! That's it!

Superman:
What?

Joker:
Silly me! I forgot the ACID! [Sprays acid from his carnation onto Superman. The acid melts away half of the lead suit. Joker then throws the kryptonite at Superman's chest. Superman collapses. Joker cackles] Aw, what's the matter, Suppy? [Kicks Superman over] No more steam left in the old locomotive?

Joker:
Honestly Lex, don't you think I feel bad enough already?

Lex Luthor:
[Angrily grabs him] YOU MANIAC! YOU IDIOT! HOW DARE YOU USE ONE OF MY LABORATORIES FOR YOUR...

Mercy Graves:
[fighting Harley] Here's for that punch in the face!

Harley Quinn:
Ooh, listen to Little Miss Can't-Take-A-Joke!

Batman:
How soon can we get to Hob's Bay?

[Alfred opens a case with the Jet-wing]

Alfred Pennyworth:
If I may be so bold, sir... "when in Rome"...

Joker:
Copybat, copybat. Suffering from propulsion envy, Batboy?

Joker:
Think of it as a welcome wagon, Bats. Welcoming you to the nearest mortuary.

Superman:
Thank you. I couldn't have saved Lois without your help.

Batman:
I'm aware of that.

Harley Quinn:
[Trying to cheer up a dejected Joker with a Batman-shaped cookie] Hello, Mr. J! I'm Batman. Eat me, eat me, eat me!

Joker:
I know you're trying to cheer me up, Harley, but you see, any time I blow a $1 billion deal, IT REALLY KILLS MY APPETITE!

Bruce Wayne:
I could always...ask him.

Joker:
Ooh, this could be a fair fight after all... And who wants to see that?

Lois Lane:
[just saw Batman unmasked] So when were you gonna tell me- the honeymoon?

Lois Lane:
How could you have lied to me like that?

Bruce Wayne:
Now, I never actually said I wasn't Batman... [she smacks the cut on his back] Ow!

Lois Lane:
I'll get some iodine for that scrape. Burning, stinging iodine. [Walks into the bathroom]

Superman:
I see she's taking it well.

Bruce Wayne:
It's ironic, you know. She likes Bruce Wayne, and she likes Superman. It's the other two guys she's not crazy about.

Superman:
Too bad we can't mix and match.

Joker:
Look at all the toys! Santa's been good to you, Lex.

Batman:
See anything?

Superman:
Luthor's been lining his buildings with lead. It blocks my x-ray vision.

Batman:
Well, there's always the direct approach. [Superman punches in the door, and bows Batman inside] You're learning.

Joker:
Batman. It's always Batman!

Joker:
Somehow, Poo, I don't think we're gonna get the chance to say much.

Harley Quinn:
You... you mean he's going to kill us?

Lex Luthor:
No, she is. I abhor violence.

[The Lexwing has just crashed into the ocean, exploding, with the Joker inside]

Harley Quinn:
Puddin'!

Batman:
At this point, he probably is.

[Harley Quinn is in a straightjacket and being placed in a padded wagon]

Harley Quinn:
I want a lawyer! I want a doctor! I want a cheese sandwich!

Mercy Graves:
[watching it on TV] Now that's funny! [literally laughs so hard, it hurts]

Bruce Wayne:
Come to make sure I'm leaving?

Clark Kent:
Actually, I thought we worked pretty well together. Not that I want to make it a regular event.

Bruce Wayne:
She's all yours, now- if you can handle that. But you'd better be good to her, 'cause I know where you live.

Thief:
I am power beyond your dreams, call to me. "Karkull com siva co. Karkull com siva kanvasay." Yeah right. Singing Polly wolly doodle all day!

Jimmy Olsen:
What do I need a picture of? Luthor kissing a donkey?!

Karkull:
You're strong for a mortal, but a mortal is all you are!

Jimmy Olsen:
Holy...

Lois Lane:
Bad choice of words Jimmy!

Rainsong:
Hey, Mister! We're ready. Where do you want us to chant?

Karkull:
I don't remember inviting you. Kill him.

Karkull:
You continue to surprise me, but as I said, you don't have the tools to defeat me.

Dr. Fate:
But I do!

Karkull:
Fate... I thought our dealings had come to an end long ago.

Dr. Fate:
No such luck, I'm afraid.

Karkull:
What magic do you have that's powerful enough to defeat me in my own lair? [Fate reveals the Artifact] The Artifact of Lorta! I destroyed it!

Dr. Fate:
What has been made can never be unmade.

Lois Lane:
Just think what would have been like for him if he'd lived. First finding out he wasn't... well... you, and then his home, his whole world destroyed in one day. Can you imagine?

Superman:
Yeah, I think I can. He'd probably feel a lot like I did when I learned I wasn't human. You don't know who you are or where you belong. Why you're here.

[Bizarro is wondering in the snow and he goes to a lake and sees a reflection of himself]

Superman:
[voice over] You don't know who you are. Where you belong. Why you're here?

Bizarro:
Me make Krypton. Then me am home!

Dan Turpin:
Scram, Lane, this is a Police matter.

Lois Lane:
Yeah, Turpin, like that really works with me.

Dan Turpin:
You know this guy? Figures... All the wackos come to you.

Superman:
Let me guess... Bizarro?

Maggie Sawyer:
Any idea what he's doing?

Superman:
Remodeling. He thinks he's me so he's trying to create his own version of Krypton.

Dan Turpin:
Naturally...

Superman:
If Krypton is what Bizarro wants, that's what he's gonna get.

Dan Turpin:
I had to take this beat! Humans weren't nuts enough!

Lois Lane:
So, what is all this?

Bizarro:
It am Dada's house on Krypton.

Lois Lane:
Krypton? You remember Krypton?

Bizarro:
Shiny Ball show me. It say me am Kal-El, and it show me baby me.

Superman:
Unfortunately "Shiny Ball" was confused at the time.

[Superman confronts Bizarro while wearing his anti-Kryptonite suit]

Superman:
Hey Bizarro, I have something for you. Catch!

[Superman tosses a hunk of Kryptonite at Bizzaro, who effortlessly catches it]

Bizarro:
Thanks! Ooh, rock is pretty!

Superman:
{to Lois} Our DNA must be too dissimilar.

Bizarro:
This am nice. Superman, Krypto, Dada, Lois, all here with me. Oh, Krypton pretty. So sad it have to blow up...

[Bizarro has stolen a nuclear warhead from a military base and is aiming it at Metropolis]

Superman:
You'll kill millions of people!

Bizarro:
That how Krypton end!

Superman:
But this isn't Krypton!

Bizarro:
Me make it Krypton! Now Krypton explodes!

Superman:
And what about Lois? If you do this, Lois will die!

Bizarro:
Lois? Lois not on Krypton.

Superman:
Right. But, she's down there now.

[Bizarro realizes the mistake he made, then works with Superman to get the warhead safely disposed of]

Superman:
Now, would you like to hear the rest of the story? [Superman has taken Bizarro to a lush green planet circled by ringed moons] You can defend this planet. It is all yours.

Bizarro:
This crummy planet! How can me be defender of planet when there is no one here to defend?

Superman:
I thought of that issue. Which is why I brought you a friend.

[Superman opens hatch on spaceship to reveal one of the animals from the Preserver's ship]

Bizarro:
Krypto!

Lois Lane:
Trying to put the Man of Steel out of business, Lex?

Lex Luthor:
I'd think, Ms. Lane, with your knack for getting into trouble, you'd appreciate a few extra rescuers. [laughter]

Clark Kent:
Touché.

Lois Lane:
Whose side are you on?

John Henry Irons:
Lex, this is a mistake. It's too soon.

Lex Luthor:
There is a time and a place for dissension, Mr. Irons... but never with me.

Lois Lane:
Hey, Smallville, how far's your car? [turns to see Clark is gone]

Strange Man:
Right around the corner, toots. We going to your place or mine?

Corey Mills:
Guess were working together on this one, huh.

Superman:
Happy to have an extra hand.

Lois Lane:
Looks like he's got them in the palm of his hand.

Superman:
They'd better be careful he doesn't make a fist.

John Henry Irons:
He's still in withdrawal from the suit. The doctors said it'll take a while, but he should recover completely. [sighs] The suit seemed like such a good idea.

Superman:
It still is, if anyone could manage to make it work safely. It'd be nice to have a little help for a change.

Clark Kent:
[narrating] Luck. That's what it all boils down to, doesn't it? The smallest break one way or the other. It can save a life or destroy one. And you can't fight it, no matter how strong you are.

Clark Kent:
[Narrating] Dinner was hard to pass up. I hadn't eaten all day. Not that I needed to.

Clark Kent:
[Narrating] I suppose I could've flown to the governor as Superman and given him the disk, but that could've raised some awkward questions. Maybe there was some ego to it, too. I wanted this to be Clark's victory. Not Superman's.

Jonathan Kent:
It's not like he's really dead, Martha. He just can't be Clark anymore.

Clark Kent:
But I am Clark. I need to be Clark. I'd go crazy if I had to be Superman all the time!

Lois Lane:
Who else but the real killer would have done this? He was probably afraid Kent was getting too close!

Kurt Bowman:
Kent was a reporter. Who knows how many enemies he had! This might come as a kick in the pants, Lane, but nobody likes you guys!

[Watching Lois depart early from Clark's funeral]

Superman:
Well, so much for sentiment.

Lois Lane:
I always teased him. But I had so much respect. [Shedding tears] And I liked him too, I really did. I wish I'd told him.

Lois Lane:
I don't believe it! You've been sitting here in the lap of luxury while I'm out risking my neck!

Lana Lang:
He was recuperating. Poor thing, when I picked him up he could barely remember his own name.

Lois Lane:
But he sure remembered yours, and your telephone number.

Lana Lang:
Clark and I go back a long way. Are you... jealous?

Lois Lane:
Yeah, jealous of his endless luck.

[Bowman has been convicted of the murder and sentenced to die in a gas chamber. His last moments are reflecting on his failure to kill Clark]

Kurt Bowman:
{talking to himself} How did he survive that car bomb? How?! [Bowman's eyes suddenly open wide, shouting aloud] HE'S SUPERMAN! [Executioner pulls switch and gas floods into chamber, taking Bowman's revelation with it]

Natasha Irons:
You're gonna be home on time for dinner tonight?

John Henry Irons:
What are we having?

Natasha Irons:
Pork chops and bean curd in a cilantro sauce.

John Henry Irons:
Argh!

Natasha Irons:
[chuckles] Hey, you're the one who bought grandma a California cuisine cookbook.

John Henry Irons:
Maybe I should be building myself a cast-iron stomach.

Reporter:
Daily Planet Media news reporter Angela Chen has just located a witness to today's multi-million dollar diamond district robbery. We go to her now live; Angela?

Angela Chen:
This is nonfat decaf, right? I don't wanna be up half the night again.

Cameraman:
[whispering] Angela. You're on.

Angela Chen:
Uh, yes. [clears throat and throws coffee away] Angela Chen here.

Robber:
Look! It's a dead Samaritan. Say "good night," chump!

Superman:
Good night, chump!

John Henry Irons:
That's taking out the trash, Superman.

Superman:
My pleasure, Mr. Irons.

Natasha Irons:
So I guess you really do know him.

Superman:
Still working on the suit?

John Henry Irons:
You said you'd be glad to have the help.

Superman:
And I meant it. Just be careful. You're not invulnerable, you know.

John Henry Irons:
Yeah, well I'm working on that, too.

Superman:
Metallo!

Metallo:
In the flesh!

Metallo:
Remember how you left me, Superman? Buried in rock. I couldn't move! I couldn't see! I couldn't hear! But I could think! And all I thought about was how I was going to make you pay! Goodbye, hero.

Metallo:
You ought to be paying attention my friend! The tabloids will be all over you! You're about to become famous. The man who watched Superman die!

Metallo:
Somebody speak up! Or I'll tear this neighborhood apart! Brick by brick.

Teen:
We got nothing to say to you, Robo-butt.

Metallo:
Now, where is Superman?!

Teen:
Try the planet Krypton!

[[[w:
John Henry Irons|Steel]] and Metallo meet face to face]

Metallo:
Well, what have we here?

Steel:
Call me... Steel.

Metallo:
Steel, Metallo. [bows] The meeting of the metals. Well then, Mr. Steel, may the best alloy win!

Metallo:
Sorry, Steel. I've still got some business in the hood.

Natasha Irons:
Come on, Superman! This ain't no tanning salon!

Natasha Irons:
He's got Superman. He's gonna kill 'em!

Steel:
Not on my watch he's not!

Superman:
Well, Steel, you're gonna be getting this a lot, so you might as well hear it from me first.

Steel:
What?

Superman:
Thanks!

De'Cine:
I'm impressed.

Maxima:
I'm not, if that's all you got to show me.

De'Cine:
Patience, Maxima. Sometimes the hunter likes to play with its prey.

Maxima:
Yes, sometimes she does!

De'Cine:
The prey is cornered. The victory is mine, and so are you, Maxima. My queen, my mate.

Maxima:
My FOOT!

Sazu:
My lady, another candidate has been found. The scouts have brought visual recording of his heroic deeds.

Maxima:
Sure. I could use a good laugh. Bring it to my room.

Sazu:
The Earth natives call him "Superman."

Maxima:
Hmm, "Super-Man". I like those shoulders... and that chin. Oh, our children will be absolutely gorgeous!

De'Cine:
So, she took the bait?

Sazu:
You knew she would. She's young, headstrong...

De'Cine:
...Hormonal.

[Maxima is accosted by a group of thugs]

Thug:
Who do you think you are?

Maxima:
[Maxima picks him up and uses him as a club to beat his friends unconscious] I am the Lady Maxima, Royal Queen, Head of the Royal House, and leader of all Almerac. [spins the thug until he's nearly unconscious and puts him on unsteady feet] Feel free to bow.

Angela Chen:
We're in trouble, people! Superman piece is coming up short. We need to fill two minutes, anybody have any ideas?

Maxima:
[shoves her way into the studio] I said, out of my way!

Angela Chen:
Excuse me...?

Maxima:
I am the Lady Maxima, warrior queen, head of the royal house, leader of all Almerac... and Superman's betrothed.

Angela Chen:
[skyward] Thank you!

Maxima:
Superman... YOW!

Lucille:
Murray, there's a man and a woman fighting!

Harry:
Stop spying on the neighbors, Lucille.

[after Superman ties her up with a construction girder]

Maxima:
No one has ever lasted this long against me... no one! You are... my equal! [she dissipates the girder, springs to her feet and hugs him] This is the happiest day of my life!

Superman:
[confused] I'm... glad.

Lucille:
Oh, my goodness! They're hugging!

Harry:
Just don't get any ideas.

Maxima:
Of course, now you'll have to marry me.

Superman:
You can't just barge in and make demands like that!

Maxima:
Why not? On my planet I do it all the time.

Superman:
Well, this isn't Almanac.

Maxima:
Almerac.

Superman:
Whatever. Here on Earth, marriage isn't something you can command. Marriage is a willing partnership where husbands and wives share the decisions and sacrifices.

Lucille:
What planet is he from?

Maxima:
I have the power to do as I please!

Superman:
And the responsibility to do what is right! As leader, you serve the people. They don't serve you.

Maxima:
I used to use these ancient tunnels as a prison.

Superman:
No wonder you're so popular.

Maxima:
This time D'cine, it's no game. This time, I kill you.

Superman:
Maxima-

Maxima:
I... don't kill him? [Superman shakes his head] I... lock him up? [Brightens] For a really long time!

Maxima:
Are there any more like you at home?

Superman:
No. But as my mother always says, "there's someone for everybody".

Lobo:
I'm here to get that fraggin', scum-suckin', rat-scratchin' D'cine, and nobody better stop me!

Maxima:
Yow!

Orion:
[approaching Clark and Lois] Superman!... Must warn... Superman.

Darkseid:
I did not return you to earth so you could indulge in petty theft.

Bruno Mannheim:
Petty?! We cleared over twenty million!

Darkseid:
I play for higher stakes.

Bruno Mannheim:
You promised you'd make me a king!

Darkseid:
And so you are – a king of fools!

Darkseid:
You're a magnificent opponent, Superman, but even you must realize it's hopeless.

Darkseid:
I could easily destroy you now, and once you're gone, the pathetic beings of this planet won't have the will to resist me. The few who survive, that is.

Darkseid:
Think of it, Superman. The power you have now, it's nothing compared with what I'm offering you.

Superman:
You know I can't do that.

Darkseid:
Pity. Still, if you won't be my knight, you will be my pawn.

Maggie Sawyer:
I've got to get down there!

Toby Raynes:
Whoa, cowboy, what are you going to do? Hold your gun in one hand and your IV in the other?

Darkseid:
People of Earth, I am Darkseid, lord of Apokolips. Here is your savior, cowed and broken. I have crushed him as easily as I have crushed all who have dared to oppose me throughout the cosmos. I am power unlike any you have ever known: absolute, infinite, and unrelenting. You have no choice but to prepare as a long dark future as my subjects and my slaves.

Darkseid:
[being opposed] They know this is suicide.

Superman:
Better a quick death in battle than a slow one under your heel.

Dan Turpin:
I don't care how many crummy planets you've conqured! You ain't getting this one!

Darkseid:
It is good to see you after all these years, my son. I've observed your boldness and ferocity for some time. Not without undue pride. Though you're misguided in your loyalty, I won't quibble over this insignificant speck in the universe. I would hate to spoil our reunion with bloodshed. [to his troops] Return.

Dan Turpin:
[last words] Go on, ya mangy buzzards, and don't come back!

Darkseid:
Savor your moment of triumph, Superman, but remember, victory has its price.

Superman:
[At Dan Turpin's funeral] Goodbye, old friend. In the end, the world didn't really need a "super man"... just a brave one.

Weatherman:
It's gonna be a gorgeous spring day in the nation's heartland, with temperatures reaching the high seventies. So, all you folks in Smallville, Kansas: get out there and enjoy that great, big, beautiful sun!

[cut to Kara flying through the sky]

Clark Kent:
[Stopping Kara from flying] That's enough of that, Kara.

Kara Kent:
Hey, Clark. It was such a nice day, I thought I'd just, you know - vroom!

Clark Kent:
What did we talk about? No 'vroom' during the daytime.

Lois Lane:
Somehow I don't smell Pulitzer here... or soap, for that matter.

Trouble:
You see, Metropolis? Nobody can beat the Intergang! Nobody!

Superman:
Well, then just call me nobody.

Kara Kent:
It's me, Kara.

Clark Kent:
I know.

Kara Kent:
You saw through my secret identity?

Clark Kent:
How did you get here?

Kara Kent:
You said no "vroom" so I ran.

Lois Lane:
Can you talk some sense into him?

Clark Kent:
I've had my fill with teenagers today.

Granny Goodness:
I seek out the lost little lambs society has cruelly abandoned, I take them lovingly under my wings, give them the power to face the cold heartless world... and kick its butt!

Jimmy Olsen:
We're in!

Granny Goodness:
But you hardly seem the type. So bright-eyed, soft skin. Life has not scarred you as it has my other goslings. Still... we can remedy that...

Kara Kent:
All right, I've seen enough. Don't you realize you are being duped? You think you're getting power but she's just turning you into her personal goon squad!

Jimmy Olsen:
What are you doing?

Kara Kent:
What are you think? I'm shutting down this psycho-witch!

Granny Goodness:
Ah! Such language! Children, defend your Granny's honor. KILL HER!

Granny Goodness:
Girls, this ninny noodle wants to play rough. Make her last moments special...

Mad Harriet:
Oh, poor baby, let me kiss it and make it worse!

Supergirl:
Eew! Hands off, gruesome!

Superman:
Kara, I thought I told you to stay out of trouble.

Supergirl:
Who, me? I'm not in trouble. And by the way, it's Supergirl. See? [Points at 'S'] Super. [Points at face, bats eyelashes] Girl.

Superman:
[Pause] Right.

Lashina:
Hello, big boy.

Mad Harriet:
Come to help your little friend?

Stompa:
Ain't that a kick?

Supergirl:
[About Darkseid] Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley...

Darkseid:
Ever proud, eh, Kryptonian? I must say I find it to be... wearying.

Superman:
What was this boot-licker doing on Earth, Darkseid? I thought your business there was settled.

Darkseid:
I never settle. What I cannot have, I destroy.

Supergirl:
I've seen one planet die, and I'm not going to stand by and watch it happen again.

Darkseid:
Noble sentiments, my dear. [fires Omega Beams at her]

Lashina:
You gotta lotta guts coming her, Blondie!

Stompa:
And we're gonna spread them all over Apokolips!

Lashina:
Okay, sugar. The main event.

Granny Goodness:
Oh, great and powerful Darkseid, I...

Darkseid:
Furies... teach Granny the price of failure.

[Lashina, Harriet, and Stompa advance on Granny]

Granny Goodness:
No! My precious girls! Don't! Don't hurt your beloved Granny... [Lashina cracks her whip] NOOO-OOO!

Lois Lane:
You keep staring at your byline, you'll burn a hole in it.

Jimmy Olsen:
...What? Oh, yeah. It just looks so... good.