Supernatural, Season 3

Bobby:
Where's your brother?

Sam:
Polling the electorate.

Bobby:
What?

Sam:
Never mind.

Sam:
Let me see your knife.

Dean:
What for?

Sam:
So I can gouge my eyes out. (laughs)

Dean:
It was a beautiful, natural act, Sam.

Sam:
That's a part of you I never wanted to see, Dean.

Bobby:
So, we're eating bacon cheeseburgers for breakfast, are we?

Dean:
Well, sold my soul. Got a year to live. I ain't sweatin' the cholesterol

Isaac:
A family that slays together...

Isaac:
I've locked my keys in the car, turned my laundry pink... never brought on the end of the world, though.

Sam:
Dean, what're you doing?

Dean:
Comforting the bereaved. What're you doing?

Sam:
Workin'. Dead body, possible demon attack, that kinda stuff.

Dean:
(fake coughing) Sam, I'm sorry. It's just, you know, I don't have much time left. And, uh... (more coughing) ...gotta make every second count.

Bobby:
Did you boys find anything around here?

Sam:
No sulfur, nothing.

Dean:
Well, maybe something. (looks at security camera) See? I'm working.

Bobby:
You sure this is the right place?

Dean:
No. But I spent all day canvasing this stupid town with this guy's stupid mug, and supposedly he drinks at this stupid bar...

Sam:
It's suicide, Dean!

Dean:
So what? I'm dead already!

Bobby:
Do you have any idea who we're up against?

Dean:
No, who?

Bobby:
The Seven Deadly Sins, live and in the flesh.

Dean:
(laughs) What's in the box? (silence) Brad Pitt... Se7en... no? (shuts up as Bobby hits him with a book)

Dean:
What do you want?

Envy:
We already have what we want.

Dean:
What's that?

Envy:
We're out, we're free. Thanks to you, my kind are everywhere.

Envy:
Some people crochet, others golf. Me? I like to see people's insides on their outside.

Envy:
You really think you're better than me. Which one of you can cast the first stone, huh? What about you, Dean? You're practically a...a walking billboard of gluttony and lust.

Sam:
Look, if we're going down, we're going down together.

Bobby:
(to Gluttony) "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son".

Dean:
I suppose you're Lust.

Lust:
Baby, I'm whatever you want me to be.

Dean:
Yeah, alright. Just stay back.

Lust:
Or what?

Dean:
Good point.

Pride:
Come on. You really think something like that is gonna fool someone like me? I mean me.

Sam:
Let me guess. You're Pride.

Sam:
Who the hell are you?

Ruby:
I'm the girl that just saved your ass.

Dean:
You look like hell warmed over.

Bobby:
You try exorcising all night, see how you feel.

Sam:
Any survivors, Bobby?

Bobby:
Well, the pretty girl and the heavy guy, they'll make it. A lifetime of therapy bills ahead, but still…

Dean:
I'm just gonna ask it again... who was that masked chick? Actually, the more troubling question would be, "How come a girl can fight better than you?"

Sam:
Three demons, Dean... at once.

Dean:
Hey, whatever it takes to get you through the night, pal.

Sam:
If you want a troubling question I got one for ya.

Dean:
What's that?

Sam:
If we let out the Seven Deadly Sin's, what else did we let out?

Dean:
(pause) You're right. That is troubling.

Sam:
Hey Bobby, we can win this war, right?

Bobby:
(silence) Catch you on the next one.

Sam:
I've been bending over backwards trying to be nice to you, and... I don't care anymore.

Dean:
That didn't last long.

Sam:
You're a hypocrite, Dean. How did you feel when Dad sold his soul for you? 'Cause I was there. I remember. You were twisted and broken. And now you go and do the same thing… to me. What you did was selfish.

Dean:
Yeah. You're right. Was selfish. But I'm okay with that.

Sam:
I'm not.

Dean:
Tough. After everything I've done for this family, I think I'm entitled.

Dean:
I don't know. It's like there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sam:
That's hellfire, Dean.

Dean:
Eh, whatever.

Dean:
I got a year to live, Sam. I'd like to make the most of it. So what do you say we kill some evil sons of bitches and we raise a little hell, huh?

Sam:
You're unbelievable.

Dean:
Very true.

Sam:
We don't know how many of them there are!

Bobby:
Yeah we do! There are seven of them!

Tamara:
I don't give a rats ass if they're "the Three Stooges" or "the Four Tops"!

Sam:
(trying to cover up his phone call) Oh, I was just ordering pizza.

Dean:
Dude, you do realize that you're in a restaurant?

Sam:
Yeah! Oh, yeah, yeah... (lamely) I just felt like pizza, y'know?

Dean:
Okay... Weirdy McWeirderton.

Sam:
So let me get this straight. You want to drive all the way to Cicero just to hook up with some random chick?

Dean:
She was a yoga teacher. That was the bendiest weekend of my life!

Sam:
How many dying wishes are you going to get?

Dean:
As many as I can squeeze out.

Dean:
Come on, smile, Sam. God knows I'm going to be smiling after 24 hours with Gumby girl. (chuckles) Gumby Girl... does that make me Pokey?

Ben:
(about the moon-bounce) You know who else thinks they're awesome? Chicks! It's like hot-chick city out there!

Ruby:
(eating a French fry) Mmm, these are amazing. It's like deep fried crack. Try some.

Sam:
That knife you had... you can kill demons with that thing?

Ruby:
Sure comes in handy when I have to swoop in and save the damsel in distress.

Sam:
Where'd you get it?

Ruby:
Sky Mall.

Sam:
Why are you following me?

Ruby:
I'm interested in you.

Sam:
Why?

Ruby:
Because you're tall. I love a tall man!

Ben:
No, don't go over there. Only bitches send a grown-up.

Dean:
You're not wrong.

Ben:
And I'm not a bitch.

Dean:
(points to large kid with Ben's game) Is that Humphrey? The one that needs to lay off the burgers?

Dean:
What? Somebody had to teach him to kick a bully in the nads.

Dean:
We'll just bust in, drag the kids out, torch them in the front lawn. That'll play great with the neighbors.

Dean:
Y'know how I never mentioned my job? This is my job.

Lisa:
I so didn't want to know that.

Lisa:
Ben may not be your kid, but he wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. That's a lot, if you ask me.

Dean:
You know, just for the record, you got a great kid. I would have been proud to be his dad.

Sam:
You're a demon!

Ruby:
Don't be such a racist.

Sam:
Why would you wanna help me?

Ruby:
I have my reasons. Not all demons are the same, Sam. Not all of us want the same thing. Me? I wanna help you from time to time. That's all... And if you let me, there's something in it for you.

Sam:
What could you possibly...

Ruby:
I could help you save your brother.

Kubrick:
Don't play with my Jesus.

Dean:
(reading from trophy) 1995.

Sam:
No way. That's my Division Championship soccer trophy! I can't believe he kept this.

Dean:
Yeah, it's probably the closest you ever came to being a boy. Oh, wow! It's my first sawed-off. I made it myself. Sixth grade.

Sam:
Hi, uh, table for two please.

Waiter:
Congratulations!!!!

Dean:
Exciting, I know.

Dean:
Wow! You suck.

Dean:
Sam? You okay?

Sam:
(from the floor) Yeah, I'm good!

Sam:
(despondently) I lost my shoe.

(Dean leads Sam into a motel room)

Sam:
What am I even supposed to do, Dean?

Dean:
Nothing, nothing! Come here. I don't want you doing- anything! I want you to sit right here, and don't move! Okay? Don't turn on the light, don't turn off the light, don't even scratch your nose!

Sam:
(mouthing the words) scratch my nose? (checks to see that Dean has left, then scratches his nose)

Kubrick:
I used to think your friend Gordon sent me.

Sam:
(tied to a chair) Gordon-!? Oh, come on!

Kubrick:
Yeah, 'cause he asked me to track you down... and put a bullet in your brain.

Sam:
Great. That sounds like him.

Dean:
So you're only out for yourself, huh? It's all about number one?

Bela:
Being a hunter is so much more noble? A bunch of obsessed, revenge driven sociopaths trying to save a world that can't be saved?

Dean:
Well, aren't you a glass half-full?

Dean:
If it's any consolation, I think you're a truly awful person. (Bela shoots at Dean) See ya!

Dean:
I'm Batman.

Sam:
(sarcastically) Yeah, you're Batman.

Bela:
(training a gun on Sam and Dean) Put the foot down honey!

Dean:
You're not gonna shoot anybody. See, I happen to be able to read people. Okay, you're a thief, fine, but you're not gonna - (Bela shoots Sam) Son of a--!

Bela:
Back off, tiger. Back off. You make one more move, and I'll pull the trigger. You've got the luck, Dean. You, I can't hit. But your brother? (aims the gun at him again) Him, I can't miss.

(pause)

Dean:
What the hell is wrong with you?!?!?!?!

Bela:
Relax it's just a shoulder hit! (sees Dean's face) I CAN aim!

Bela:
Thanks very much. I'm now out one and a half million and on the bad side of a very powerful, fairly psychotic buyer

Dean:
Wow... I really don't feel bad about that. Sam?

Sam:
Nope. Not even a little.

Dean:
Oh, don't go away angry. Just go away.

Dean:
SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kubrik:
Sam Winchester is more than a monster. He's the Adversary.

Gordon And what was it that convinced you?

Kubrik:
God led me to him, and His will is clear.

Gordon:
(nodding slowly) Okay. That's great. Glad to have you on board.

Dean:
There's got to be a demon or two in South Beach.

Sam:
Sorry, Hef, maybe next time.

Dean:
(about the Colt) So if we wanna go check out these omens in Ohio, think you can have that thing ready by this afternoon?

Bobby:
Well, it won't kill demons by then, but I can promise it'll kill you.

Dean:
(referring to Richie) No way he gets a girl like that. I mean, look at her. You could fit that ass on a nickel.

Sam:
No offense, but what are you doing here, Father?

Father Gil:
Like it or not, you go where your flock is.

Casey:
Plus the clergy drinks for free.

Sam:
You drink hurricanes?

Dean:
I do now.

Richie:
Wow, this is, er, charming. You sure you wouldn't be more comfortable in a bedroom, or, uh, my motel room? I mean, not for nothing, but you know... I got oils.

Casey:
But I have toys.

Richie:
Yeah, no, toys trump oils.

Sam:
(on Dean not eating the hamburger in front of him) You do realize there is red meat within striking distance, right?

Ruby:
Cute piece.

Bobby:
Who are you?

Ruby:
Won't stop a demon, if that's what you think.

Bobby:
How the hell would you know?

Ruby:
Oh, I don't know... (blackens her eyes) Call it an educated guess.

Bobby:
Well, ain't I lucky then? Found a subject for a test fire...

(Bobby raises the Colt)

Ruby:
(laughs)Luck had nothing to do with it. But hey, by all means, take your best shot.

(Bobby hesitates, Ruby becomes impatient)

Ruby:
Ugh...are you gonna stand there like a pantywaist? Or are you gonna shoot-!

(Bobby shoots her, she looks down at the wound, then looks back at Bobby)

Ruby:
Ouch. This smarts a little...

Bobby:
What do you want?

Ruby:
Peace on earth, a new shirt...Now, do you want me to help you out with that gun, or not?

Hooker:
Normally I charge four hundred a night. Why don't we call it an even deuce, and get the hell out of here?

Dean:
What do I look like?

Hooker:
What do I look like? Cheapskate.

Casey:
Did I just see you strike out with a prostitute? How's that work?

Dean:
Oh, I forgot to mention, Richie was a friend of mine. When I realized I could track the GPS on his cell phone I swung by earlier, to give him a proper burial. It's better than rotting in some skank's basement.

Dean:
What are you laughing at, bitch? You're still trapped.

Casey:
So are you... bitch.

Dean:
Why do you demons have such smart mouths.

Casey:
It's a gift.

Dean:
(trying an exorcism from memory) Spiritus emundi, undalara, persona tote… (trails off, lost)

Casey:
Nice try, but I think you just ordered a pizza. Guess you should have paid more attention in Latin class.

Dean:
I don't know what you're smiling about, you're not going anywhere.

Casey:
And apparently neither are you.

Dean:
Yeah, but I got somebody coming for me and uh... he did pay attention in class.

Casey:
Oh, right - Sam. Everyone say's he's the brains of the outfit.

Dean:
Everyone?

Casey:
Sure. You Winchester boys are famous. Not Lohan famous, but you know.

Bartender:
What's wrong with you? Think, I'm gonna give you a coworker's address just so you can go over there and get your freaky peeping tom rocks off? (Sam hands him money) Corner of Piermont and Clinton. Have fun.

Casey:
Why don't you relax?

Dean:
Why don't you kiss my ass?

Casey:
Why, Dean, you're a poet. I had no idea.

Casey:
Hey, I didn't pull any triggers.

Dean:
Yeah? You did something.

Casey:
You want to know what I did -- what I really did? I had lunch.

Dean:
Lunch?

Casey:
Me and Trotter. He had a cheeseburger, I had a salad, and I just pointed out the money that could be made with a few businesses that cater to harmless vice. So Trotter built it, and, man, did they come. Supposedly god-fearing folk, waist-deep in booze, sex, gambling. I barely lifted a finger.

Dean:
That's it?

Casey:
You don't get it. All you got to do is nudge humans in the right direction. Some whiskey here, a hooker there, and they'll walk right into hell with big,fat smiles on their faces. Your kind is corrupt, Dean. Weak. Our will's stronger. That's why we'll win.

Dean:
And that's how it ends?

Casey:
No. That's how it begins.

Casey:
(to Dean) I mean this past century, you people racked up a body count that amazed even us. It's our turn now. And we're gonna do it right this time.

Casey:
So you see? Is my kind really all that different than yours?

Dean:
Well, except that, uh, demons are evil.

Casey:
And humans are such a lovable bunch. Dick Cheney.

Dean:
He one of yours?

Casey:
Not yet. But let's just say he's got a parking spot reserved for him downstairs.

Casey:
Why, Dean. If I didn't know better, I'd say that's lust in your eyes. Well, it would be one way to spend the time. But I don't think you'd respect me in the morning.

Dean:
That's okay: I mean hey, I barely respect you now.

Dean:
Azazel?

Casey:
What, you think his friends just called him Yellow-Eyes? He had a name.

Dean:
Think something's wrong with my brother?

Bobby:
Nah. Demons lie. I'm sure Sam's okay.

Dean:
(doubtfully) Yeah.

Sam:
For some reason, you're fighting on our side. Now tell me: why is that, again?

Ruby:
Go screw yourself, that's why.

Ruby:
(to Sam) On the bright side, I'll be there with you - that little fallen angel on your shoulder.

Kyle:
This guy, he killed my brothers. How would you feel?

Sam:
Can't imagine anything worse.

Sam:
Actually, I do have a theory. Sort of.

Dean:
Hit me.

Sam:
Well, I'm thinking about fairy tales.

Dean:
Oh, that's... that's nice. You think about fairy tales often?

Sam:
Then we got the three brothers, arguing over how to build houses, attacked by the big, bad wolf.

Dean:
Three little pigs.

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
Actually, those guys were a little chubby.

Dean:
I thought all those things ended with everyone living happily ever after.

Sam:
No, no, not the originals. See, the Grimm Brothers stuff was kind of like the folklore of its day, full of sex, violence, cannibalism. Now, it got sanitized over the years and turned into Disney flicks and bedtime stories.

Dean:
So you think the murders are what, a re-enactment? That's a little crazy.

Sam:
Crazy as what? Every day of our lives?

Dean:
Touché.

Sam:
(staring at frog on the road) Yeah, you're right, that's completely normal.

Dean:
All right, maybe it is fairy tales. Totally messed-up fairy tales. I'll tell you one thing, there's no way I'm kissing a damned frog.

Sam:
(gesturing to pumpkin on porch) Hey, check that out.

Dean:
Yeah? It's close to Halloween.

Sam:
Remember Cinderella? The pumpkin that turns into the coach and the mice that become horses?

Dean:
Dude! Could you be more gay? Don't answer that.

Sam:
I think it's Snow White.

Dean:
Snow White? Ah, I saw that movie. Oh, porn version anyways. There was this wicked Stepmother (hoots) she was wicked.

Dean:
You find a way to stop Callie, all right.

Sam:
What about you?

Dean:
I'm gonna go stop the big bad wolf. Which is the weirdest thing I've ever said.

Dr. Garrison:
You're not a cop, are you?

Sam:
No.

Dr. Garrison:
Then who are you?

Sam:
Someone who knows a little bit about this kind of thing.

Dean:
See you around, Doc.

Dr. Garrison:
I sure hope not.

Dean:
You know what he said. Some good advice.

Sam:
Is that what you want me to do, Dean? Just let you go?

Crossroad Demon:
What can I do for you, Sam?

Sam:
You can beg for your life.

Crossroad Demon:
We were having such a nice conversation. Then you had to go and ruin the mood.

Sam:
If I were you, I'd drop the wisecracks and start acting scared.

Crossroad Demon:
It's not my style. That's not the original Colt. Where did you get that? Ruby. Had to be. She is such a pain in my ass. She'll get what's coming to her. You can count on it.

Crossroad Demon:
Aren't you tired of cleaning up Dean's messes? Of dealing with that broken psyche of his? Aren't you tired of being bossed around like a snot-nosed little brother? You're stronger than Dean. You're better than him.

Sam:
Watch your mouth.

Crossroad Demon:
Admit it. You're here, going through the motions, but truth is, you'll be a tiny bit relieved when he's gone.

Sam:
Shut up.

Crossroad Demon:
No more desperate, sloppy, needy Dean. You can finally be free.

Sam:
Who's your boss? Who holds the contract?

Crossroad Demon:
He's not as cuddly as me, I can tell you that.

Sam:
Who is it?

Crossroad Demon:
I can't tell you. I'm sorry, Sam, but there's no way out of this one. Not this time.

(Sam and Dean are in the car, Dean looks pissed)

Dean:
So, I've been waiting since Maple Springs. You got something to tell me?

Sam:
It's not your birthday..

Dean:
No.

Sam:
(thinks hard) ...Happy Purim?

(Dean gives Sam an angry look, Sam laughs)

Sam:
Dude, I don't know! I have no idea what you're talking about.

Dean:
There's a bullet missing from the Colt. You want to tell me how that happened? I know it wasn't me, so unless you were shooting at some incredibly evil cans.

Sam:
Dean.

Dean:
You went after her didn't you? The Crossroads Demon, after I told you not to.

Sam:
Yeah, well.

Dean:
You could have gotten yourself killed.

Sam:
I didn't.

Dean:
And you shot her?

Sam:
She was a smartass.

Dean:
What a crazy old broad.

Sam:
Why, because she believes in ghosts?

Dean:
Ha ha, look at you. Sticking up for your girlfriend, you cougar hound.

Sam:
Bite me.

Dean:
Hey, not if she bites you first.

Dean:
So what happens? You see the ship and then a few hours later you pucker up and kiss your ass goodbye.

Sam:
Basically.

Dean:
What's the next step?

Sam:
I gotta ID the boat.

Dean:
That shouldn't be too hard. I mean, how many three-mast clipper ships have wrecked off the coast?

Sam:
I checked that too actually, over 150.

Dean:
Wow!

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
Crap.

Sam:
Mm-hmm.

Dean:
This is where we parked the car, right?

Sam:
I thought so.

Dean:
Where's my car?

Sam:
Did you feed the meter?

Dean:
Yes, I fed the meter. Sam, where's my car? Somebody stole my car!

Sam:
Hey, hey, calm down, Dean.

Dean:
I am calmed down. Somebody stole my c... :(starts to hyperventilate)

Sam:
Wow, Dean. Hey-hey-hey-hey, take it easy, take it easy.

Bela:
The 67' Impala, was that yours?

Sam:
Bela...

Bela:
I'm sorry, I had that car towed.

Dean:
You what?

Bela:
Well, it was in a tow-away zone.

Dean:
No, it wasn't!

Bela:
It was when I finished with it.

Sam:
How do you sleep at night?

Bela:
On silk sheets, rolling naked in money.

Sam:
You shot me.

Bela:
I barely grazed you.

(Dean rolls eyes)

Bela:
Cute. But a bit of a drama queen, yeah?

Bela:
(to Dean) Now, I'd get to that car if I were you, before they find that arsenal in the trunk. Ciao.

Dean:
Can I shoot her?

Sam:
Not in public.

Bela:
I see you got your car back.

Dean:
You really want to come near me when I got a loaded gun in my hands?

Bela:
Now, now. Mind your blood pressure.

Dean:
Hey, Bela, how'd you get like this? Huh? What, your daddy not give you enough hugs or something?

Bela:
I don't know. Your daddy give you enough? Don't you dare look down your nose at me. You're no better than I am.

Dean:
We help people.

Bela:
Come on! You do this out of vengeance and obsession. You're a stone's throw from being a serial killer.

(Dean looks over to Sam)

Bela:
Whereas I on the other hand, I get paid to do a job, and I do it. So you tell me, which is healthier?

Sam:
Bela, why don't you just leave? We've got work to do.

Bela:
Yeah. You're 0 for 2. Bang up job so far.

Peter:
You guys aren't cops. Not dressed like that, not-not in that crappy car.

Dean:
Whoa, hey, no need to get nasty.

Dean:
You can't save everybody, Sam.

Sam:
Yeah, right, so, so… what? You feel better now, or what?

Dean:
No, not really.

Sam:
Me neither.

Dean:
You got to understand…

Sam:
It's just lately I feel like I can't save anybody.

Bela:
So, how'd things go last night with Peter?

(Sam gives angry look)

Bela:
That well, huh.

Dean:
If you say "I told you so," I swear to God, I'll start swinging.

Bela:
I think the three of us should have a heart-to-heart.

Dean:
That's assuming you have a heart.

Dean:
A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.

Bela:
What is taking so long? Sam's already halfway there. With his date.

Dean:
(upstairs) I am so not okay with this!

Bela:
What are you, a woman? Come down already.

(Dean walks down steps, Bela gasps)

Dean:
All right, get it out. I look ridiculous.

Bela:
Not exactly the word I'd use.

Bela:
You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.

Dean:
(after thinking hard) Don't objectify me.

Sam:
Exactly how long do you expect me to entertain my date?

Bela:
As long as it takes.

Dean:
Look. There's security all over this place, alright. This is an uncrashable party, without Gert's invitation, so.

Sam:
We can crash anything, Dean.

Dean:
Yeah I know, but this is easier and it's a lot more entertaining.

Sam:
You know, there are limits to what I'll do, right?

Dean:
Ah, he's playing hard-to-get. That's cute.

Bela:
What do you suggest?

Dean:
I'm thinking…

Bela:
Don't strain yourself.

(about Bela to the Guard)

Dean:
You think she's a pain in the ass now, try living with her.

Bela:
(to Dean) I didn't want you thinking... you're not very good at that. Oh, look at you, searching for a witty rejoinder.

Dean:
Screw you.

Bela:
Very Oscar Wilde.

Guard:
(knocking on door, looking for Dean and Bela after Bela pretended to faint) Sir? Ma'am? Everything alright?

Bela:
(answers door, holding the top of her dress up) Hi.

Guard:
Feeling better, I see?

Bela:
Yes, much. Thank you.

Guard So if you're done with the room?

Bela:
Well...Not exactly. Could we have a few more minutes?

Guard:
Um...Yes, ma'am.

(Bela closes the door and the guard starts back down the hall)

Bela Stop it! That tickles!

(the guard runs into Dean coming up the stairs)

Dean:
Oh! Sorry. Uh...Nature called.

Guard:
Uh-huh.

Dean:
(nodding towards the room Bela's in) Thanks for looking after my wife.

Guard:
Oh, she's being looked after alright.

Bela:
I'm going to go get Gert into a cold shower.

Dean:
(to Sam) You stink like sex.

Dean:
(about Bela) You know what? You're right. I'm not going to kill her. I think slow torture's the way to go.

Dean:
I can't BELIEVE she got another one over on us!

Sam:
You.

Dean:
What?

Sam:
I mean, she got one over on you, not us.

Dean:
Thank you, Sam! Very helpful.

Bela:
I sold it. I had a buyer lined up as soon as I knew it existed.

Sam:
So the whole reason for us goin' to the charity ball was...?

Bela:
I needed a cover. You were convenient.

Sam:
Look you sold it to a buyer, just go buy it back.

Bela:
It's half way across the ocean, I can't get it back in time.

Dean:
In time for what?

Sam:
What's going on with you, Bela? You look like you've seen a ghost.

Bela:
I saw the ship.

Dean:
You what? Wow, you know... I.. I knew you were an immoral, thieving, con-artist bitch, but just when I thought my opinion of you couldn't get any lower...

Dean:
So who was it, Bela? Hmm? Who'd you kill? Was it daddy? Your little sis, maybe?

Bela:
It's none of your business.

Dean:
No... right. Well, have a nice life, you know whatever's left of it. (grabs jacket) Sam, let's go.

Bela:
You can't just leave me here.

Dean:
Watch us.

Bela:
Please. I need your help.

Dean:
Our help? Well, now how could a couple of serial killers possibly help you?

Bela:
Do you really think this is going to work?

Dean:
Almost definitely not.

Bela:
You boys should learn to lock your doors. Anyone could just barge in.

Sam:
Anyone just did.

Bela:
(after handing Dean and Sam money) I don't like being in anyone's debt.

Dean:
So ponying up ten grand is easier for you then a simple "thank you"? You're so damaged.

Bela:
Takes one to know one.

Sam:
I don't want you to worry about me, Dean. I want you to worry about you. I want you to give a crap that you're dying! So that's it? Nothing else to say for you?

Dean:
I think maybe I'll play craps.

Gordon:
Sam Winchester's the Antichrist.

Bela:
Ooh. I'd heard something about that…

Gordon:
It's true.

Bela:
…from my good friend, the Easter Bunny. Who'd heard it from the Tooth Fairy. Are you off your meds?

Bela:
You make me an offer and I think you'll find me highly cooperative.

Gordon:
Okay, how about you tell me where they are, or I kill you right now?

Gordon:
I can wrangle up three grand.

Bela:
I don't get out of bed for three grand.

Dean:
Well, what can I say? I'm a badass.

Bela:
Gordon Walker paid me to tell him where you were.

Dean:
Excuse me?

Bela:
Well, he had a gun on me. What else was I supposed to do?

Dean:
I don't know, maybe pick up the phone and tell us that a raging psychopath was dropping by?

Bela:
I did fully intend to call. I just got a bit sidetracked.

Dean:
He tried to kill us!

Bela:
I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was such a big deal. After all, there are two of you and one of him.

Dean:
There were two of them.

Dean:
Bela, if we make it out of this alive, the first thing I'm gonna do is kill you.

Bela:
You're not serious.

Dean:
Listen to my voice, and tell me if I'm serious.

Dixon:
You're a big part of why my people are nearly extinct, Gordon.

Gordon:
Your "people" are going extinct because you're a bunch of mindless, bloodthirsty animals.

Gordon:
Daughters? Try "fang whores."

Sam:
That vampire's still out there, Dean.

Dean:
First things first.

Sam:
Gordon.

Dean:
About that, when we find him or if he finds us..

Sam:
Yeah?

Dean:
Well I'm just saying he's not leaving us a whole lot of options.

Sam:
Yeah, I know... we gotta kill him.

Dean:
Really? Just like that? I thought you would have been like; "No we can't, he's a human, it's wrong."

Sam:
No I'm done. I mean Gordon's not gonna stop until we're dead... or until he is.

Dixon:
I was desperate. You ever felt desperate? I've lost everyone I ever loved. I'm staring down eternity alone. Can you think of a worse hell?

Dean:
Well...there's Hell.

Gordon:
They turned me.

Kubrick:
Those fangs?...I'm sorry. You know what this means.

Gordon:
It means you have to kill me. But not yet.

Kubrick:
What do you mean?

Gordon:
You have to let me do one last thing first.

Kubrick:
What?

Gordon:
Kill Sam Winchester.

Kubrick:
Gordon.

Gordon:
It's the only... it is the one good thing to come out of this nightmare. I'm stronger, I'm faster. I can finish him.

Dean:
It's like a giant haystack and Gordon's a deadly needle.

Dean:
It's just another day at the office. It's a massively dangerous day at the office.

Sam:
You know what, man? I'm sick and tired of your old stupid kamikaze trick.

Dean:
Whoa, whoa. Kamikaze? I'm more like a ninja.

Sam:
That's not funny.

Dean:
It's a little funny.

Sam:
No, it's not.

Dean:
What do you want me to do, Sam, huh? Sit around all day writing sad poems about how I'm going to die? You know what, I've got one. Let's see, what rhymes with "Shut up, Sam"?

Sam:
Drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punchline. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.

Dean:
I'm not!

Sam:
You're lying. And you may as well drop it cause I can see right through you.

Dean:
You got no idea what you're talking about.

Sam:
Yeah, I do. You're scared Dean. You're scared because your year is running out and you're still going to hell, and you're freaked.

Dean:
And how do you know that?

Sam:
Because I know you!

Dean:
Really?

Sam:
Yeah, because I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better that anyone else in the entire world. And this... is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And I mean, I can't blame you. It's just...

Dean:
What?

Sam:
It's just I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. Cause... just cause.

Gordon:
(to Sam, in the dark) You have no idea what I've faced to get here. I lost everything... my life. But it's worth it. Cause I'm finally gonna kill the most dangerous thing I ever hunted. You're not human, Sam.

Gordon:
(to Sam) You got a lot of people fooled, but see, I know the truth. I know what it's like. We're the same now, you and me. I know how it is walking around with something evil inside you. It's just too bad you won't do the right thing and kill yourself. I'm gonna... as soon as I'm done with you. Two last good deeds. Killing you and killing myself.

Dean:
(to Sam) You just charged a super-vamped-out Gordon with no weapon. That's a little reckless, don't you think?

Sam:
What's with the auto shop?

(Dean extends tool to Sam to fix the Impala)

Sam:
What? You don't mean, you want...

Dean:
Yeah, I do. You fix it.

Sam:
Dean, you barely let me drive this thing.

Dean:
Well, it's time. You should know how to fix it. You're going to need to know these things for the future. And besides, it's my job, right. Show my little brother the ropes.

Dean:
So was I right, was it the serial killing chimney-sweep?

Sam:
Yep. It's uh, it's actually Dick Van Dyke.

Dean:
Who?

Sam:
Mary Poppins.

Dean:
Who's that?

Sam:
Oh, come on. Never mind.

Dean:
So what the hell do you think we're dealing with?

Sam:
Actually I have an idea.

Dean:
Yeah?

Sam:
It's a, it's gonna sound crazy.

Dean:
What could you possibly say that's gonna sound crazy to me?

Sam:
Um, Evil Santa.

Dean:
Yeah, that's crazy.

Sam:
He punishes the wicked.

Dean:
By hauling their ass up chimneys.

Sam:
For starters, yeah.

Dean:
So this is your theory, huh? Santa's shady brother?

Dean:
What are you talking about? We had some great Christmases.

Sam:
Whose childhood are you talking about?

Dean:
Oh, come on, Sam.

Sam:
No, just... no.

Dean:
All right, Grinch.

Young Sam:
Is Dad a spy?

Young Dean:
He's James Bond.

Santa's Elf:
Welcome to Santa's Court. Can I escort your child to Santa?

Dean:
Um, no. Uh, but actually, uh, my brother here, it's been a life long dream of his.

(Sam gives confused look)

Santa's Elf:
I'm sorry, no kids over 12.

Sam:
He's just kidding. We only came here to watch.

(Dean smirks and shakes his head)

Santa's Elf:
Ewww.

Dean:
[to Sam] Why are you the boy that hates Christmas?

Sam:
Look, Dean. If you wanna have Christmas, knock yourself out. Just don't involve me.

Dean:
Oh, yeah. That'd be great. Me and myself making cranberry molds.

Dean:
What's up with Saint nicotine?

(Sam chuckles)

Dean:
What?

Sam:
Nothing. It's just that, uh, well you know, Mr. Gung-Ho Christmas, might have to blow away Santa.

Dean:
Wreaths, huh? Sure you didn't want to ask her about her shoes? I saw some nice handbags in the foyer.

Sam:
(getting off the phone with Bobby) Well, we're not dealing with the anti-Claus.

Dean:
What'd Bobby say?

Sam:
Uh, that we're morons.

Dean:
Christmas is Jesus' birthday.

Sam:
No, Jesus' birthday was probably in the fall. It was actually the Winter Solstice Festival that was co-opted by the church and renamed Christmas. But I mean the Yule log, the tree, even Santa's red suit, that's all remnants of Pagan worship.

Dean:
How do you know that? What're you gonna tell me next...the Easter Bunny's Jewish?

Sam:
Yeah. It's pretty much like putting a neon sign on your front door, saying "Come kill us!"

Dean:
Great.

Sam:
Huh, when you sacrifice to Holnacar, guess what he gives you in return?

Dean:
Lap dances, hopefully.

(Dean to shop owner)

Dean:
We were playing Jenga over at the Walsh's the other night, and, uh, well he hasn't shut up since about this Christmas wreath. I don't know. (looks over to Sam) You tell him.

Sam:
Sure. (Sam pauses to look at shop owner) It was yummy.

Sam:
She didn't charge you?

Shopkeeper:
Nope.

Dean:
Do you sell them for free?

Shopkeeper:
Hell no. It's Christmas. People pay a buttload for this crap.

Dean:
That's the spirit.

Sam:
I don't get it. You haven't talked about Christmas in years.

Dean:
Well, yeah. This is my last year.

Sam:
I know. That's why I can't.

Dean:
What do you mean?

Sam:
I mean, I can't just sit around, drinking eggnog, pretending everything's okay, when I know next Christmas, you'll be dead. I just can't.

Young Dean:
First thing you have to know is we have the coolest dad in the world. He's a superhero.

Young Sam:
He is?

Young Dean:
Yeah. Monsters are real. Dad fights them. He's fighting them right now.

Young Sam:
But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren't real.

Young Dean:
That's 'cause he'd already checked under there. But, yeah, they're real. Almost everything's real.

Young Sam:
Is Santa real?

Young Dean:
No.

(Sam and Dean wake tied to chairs)

Sam:
Dean, you okay?

Dean:
Yeah, I think so.

Sam:
So I guess we're dealing with "Mr. and Mrs. God." Nice to know.

Madge Carrigan:
This might pinch a bit, dear. [cuts Dean's arm]

Dean:
Aah! You bitch!

Madge:
Oh, my goodness me! Somebody owes a nickel to the swear jar. Oh, do you know what I say when I feel like swearing? Fudge.

Dean:
I'll try and remember that.

Dean:
You fudgeing touch me again, I'll fudgeing kill you!

Madge:
[approvingly, while cutting Dean's arm again] Very good.

[Mr. Carrigan is just about to pull out one of Dean's teeth when the doorbell rings.]

Dean:
[muffled, because of the pair of tongs in his mouth] So are you gonna get that?

[Mr. and Mrs. Carrigan look at each other while doorbell rings again.]

Dean:
You should get that.

Dean:
(holding up Sam's presents) Look at this. Fuel for me and fuel for my baby!

Dean:
I hate witches. They're always spewing their body liquids everywhere.

Sam:
Pretty much.

Dean:
It's creepy. Hell, it's downright unsanitary!

Dean:
Freakin' witches!

Dean:
Why does a rabbit always get screwed in the deal? Poor little guy.

Dean:
I'd like to report a dead body. At 309 Mayfair Circle. My name? Yeah sure my name is...(hangs up)

Dean:
They killed the nut job, should we, uh, thank them or what?

Sam:
They're working black magic, too, Dean. They need to be stopped.

Dean:
Stopped like stopped? They're human, Sam.

Sam:
They're murderers.

Dean:
Burn, witch, burn.

Ruby:
Put a leash on your brother, Sam - if you wanna keep him.

Dean:
What the hell were you thinking?

Sam:
What? What the hell was I thinking?

Dean:
She's a demon, Sam. Period. Alright? They want us dead, we want them dead!

Sam:
Look, I know it's dangerous, that she is dangerous, but like it or not, she's useful.

Dean:
No! We kill her before she kills us.

Sam:
Kill her with what? The gun she fixed for us?

Dean:
Whatever works.

Sam:
Dean, if she wants us dead, all she has to do is stop saving our lives.

Sam:
It's not so simple. We're not- we're not just hunting anymore. We're at war.

Dean:
Are you feeling okay?

Sam:
Why are you always asking me that?

Dean:
'Cos you're taking advice from a demon for starters. And by the way, you seem less and less worried about offing people, you know, it used to eat you up inside.

Sam:
Yeah, and what has that gotten me?

Dean:
Nothing, but it's just what you're supposed to do, we're supposed to drive in the friggin car, and friggin argue about this stuff. You know, you go on about the sanctity of life and all that crap.

Sam:
Wait, so you're mad because I'm starting to agree with you?

Dean:
No, not mad, I'm-I'm...I'm worried, Sam. Because you're not acting yourself.

Sam:
Look, Dean, you're leaving, right? And I got to stay here in this crap hole of a world... alone. So, the way I see it, if I'm gonna make it, if I'm gonna fight this war after you're gone, then I gotta change.

Dean:
Change into what?

Sam:
Into you. I gotta be more like you.

(Dean dying)

Dean:
You want to kill me. Get in line, bitch!

(after saving Dean's life)

Ruby:
Stop... calling me bitch.

Dean:
You saved my life.

Ruby:
Don't mention it.

Dean:
What was that stuff? God, it was ass. It tasted like ass.

Ruby:
It's called witchcraft, short bus. (she leaves)

Dean:
(mutters) You're the short bus, short bus...

Tammi:
Nice dick work, Magnum

Tammi:
What did you think it was? Make believe? Positive thinking? The Secret?

Dean:
So let me get this straight. You were human once. You died, you went to hell, and you became a...

Ruby:
Yeah.

Ruby:
That's what happens when you go to Hell, Dean. That's what Hell is. Forgetting what you are.

Ruby:
The answer is yes, by the way.

Dean:
Sorry?

Ruby:
Yes, the same thing will happen to you. It might take centuries, but sooner or later, Hell will burn away your humanity. Every hell bound soul, every one, turns into something else. Turns you into us, so, yeah... yeah, you can count on it.

Dean:
There's no way of saving me from the pit, is there?

Ruby:
No.

Dean:
Why'd you tell Sam that you could?

Ruby:
So he would talk to me. You Winchesters can be pretty bigoted.

Ruby:
You need to help me get him ready for life without you. To fight this war on his own.

Dean:
Ruby? Why do you want us to win?

Ruby:
Isn't it obvious? I'm not like them. I don't know why. I... I wish I was, but I'm not. I remember what it's like.

Dean:
What what's like?

Ruby:
Being human.

Dean:
There you are. What are you doing?

Sam:
Having a drink.

Dean:
It's two in the afternoon. Drinking whiskey?

Sam:
I drink whiskey all the time.

Dean:
No, you don't.

Sam:
But really, the thing is, no one can save you.

Dean:
What I've been telling you.

Sam:
No, that's not what I mean. I mean no one can save you because you don't want to be saved.

Sam:
What was Bobby doing in Pittsburgh?

Dean:
I don't know, unless he was taking an extremely lame vacation.

(as Dean impersonates a police detective)

Jeremy:
I had the most vivid, super intense dream, like a bad acid trip, you know...

Dean:
Totally. (pause) I mean, no.

Dean:
I take it we believe the legends.

Sam:
When don't we?

Sam:
You wanna go dream walking inside Bobby's head?

Dean:
Yeah, why not? Maybe we could help.

Sam:
We have no idea what's crawling around in there.

Dean:
How bad could it be?

Sam:
Bad!

Dean:
Dude... it's Bobby!

Sam:
One problem though, we're fresh out of African Dream Root, so unless you know anyone who can score some...

Dean:
Crap...

Sam:
What?

Dean:
Bela.

Sam:
Bela? Crap. You're actually suggesting we ask her for a favor?

Dean:
I'm feeling dirty just thinking about it, but yeah.

Dean:
(to sleeping Sam) Sam, wake up! (after Sam woke up from his dream of having sex with Bela) Dude, you were out... and making some serious happy noises. Who were you dreaming about?

Sam:
What? No one. Nothing.

Dean:
Come on, you can tell me. Angelina Jolie?

Sam:
No!

Dean:
Brad Pitt?

Sam:
No. No!

Dean:
Well, shall we dim the lights and sync up Wizard of Oz to Dark Side of the Moon?

Sam:
Why?

Dean:
What did you do during college?

Bobby:
Before I knew it was him, he offered me a beer. I drank it. Dumbest friggin' thing.

Dean:
Aw, I don't know. It wasn't that dumb.

Sam:
Dean, you didn't.

Dean:
I was thirsty.

Sam:
That's great! Now he can come after either one of you.

Nightmare Dean:
What are the things that you want? What are the things that you dream? I mean, your car-that's Dad's. Your favorite leather jacket-Dad's. Your music-Dad's. Do you even have an original thought? No. No, all there is "watch out for Sammy... Look after your little brother, boy!" You can still hear your dad's voice in your head, can't you? Clear as bell.

Dean:
Just shut up!

Nightmare Dean:
I mean, think about it. All he ever did was train you, boss you around. But Sam-Sam he doted on. Sam he loved.

Dean:
I mean it, I'm getting angry.

Nightmare Dean:
Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you're lived or died! Why should you?

Dean:
Son of a bitch! My father was an obsessed bastard! All that crap he dumped on me about protecting Sam, that was his crap! He's the one who couldn't protect his family! He... He's the one who let mom die; who wasn't there for Sam, I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me and I don't deserve to go to hell!

Nightmare Dean:
(with black, demon eyes) You can't escape me, Dean! You're gonna die, and this, this is what you're going to become!

Dean:
Sam?

Sam:
Yeah?

Dean:
I've been doing some thinking. And well, the thing is, I don't wanna die. I don't wanna go to Hell.

Sam:
Alright, yeah. We'll find a way to save you.

Dean:
Okay, good.

(Heat of The Moment is playing on the alarm as Sam sits up.)

Dean:
Rise and shine, Sammy!

Sam:
Dude, Asia?

Dean:
Aw, come on, you love this song and you know it.

Sam:
Yeah, and if I ever hear it again, I'm gonna kill myself.

Dean:
I'm telling you Sam, this job is small fry. We should be spending our time hunting down Bella.

Sam:
Okay sure. Let's get right on that. Where is she again?

Dean:
Shut up.

Sam:
Man, I had a weird dream.

Dean:
Yeah? Clowns or midgets?

Sam:
Yesterday was Tuesday, right? But today is Tuesday, too!

Dean:
Yeah. No, good. You're totally balanced.

Sam:
He'll take the special, side of bacon, coffee black. Nothing for me thanks.

Waitress:
You got it.

Dean:
Sammy, I get all tingly when you take control like that.

[After Sam tells Dean he got hit by a car the day before]

Dean:
Did it look cool, like in the movies?

Sam:
You peed yourself.

Dean:
Of course, I peed myself. Man gets hits by a car, you think he has full control over his bladder? Come on!

Dean:
You mean we can't even go out for breakfast?

Sam:
You'll thank me when it's Wednesday.

Dean:
Whatever that means.

Dean:
Do these tacos taste funny to you?

(Sam wakes up to Asia)':
Heat of the moment!

Sam and Dean (in unison):
Right, you're a mind reader. Cut it out, Sam. Sam! You think you're being funny but you're being really, really childish. Sam Winchester wears make-up. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed and every morning when he wakes up-OK, enough!

Sam:
My point is I've lived through every possible Tuesday. I've watched you die every possible way. I have ripped apart the Mystery Spot, burnt it down, tried everything I know to save your life and I can't. No matter what I do, you die. And then I wake up. And then it's Tuesday again.

Dean:
So you think you're caught in some kinda... what again?

Sam:
Eat your breakfast.

Sam:
So this is fun for you? Killing Dean over and over again?

Trickster:
One, yes it is fun. And two, this is so not about killing Dean.

Sam:
(looking at alarm playing Back in Time) It's Wednesday!

Dean:
Yeah, which usually comes after Tuesday. Turn that thing off, would ya?

Sam:
What, are you kidding? This isn't the most beautiful song you've ever heard?

Dean:
No! Geez, how many Tuesdays did you have?

Trickster:
Whoever said Dean was the dysfunctional one has never seen you with a sharp object in your hands.

Trickster:
Sam, there's a lesson here that I've been trying to drill into that freakish Cro-Magnon skull of yours.

Trickster:
Dean's your weakness. The bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.

Trickster (to Sam):
I swear it's like talking to a brick wall. (pause) OK, look, this all stopped being fun months ago. You're Travis Bickle in a skirt pal. I'm over it.

Henriksen:
You know what I'm trying to decide?

Dean:
I don't know, what? Whether Cialis will help you with your little condition?

Henriksen:
I got a lot to celebrate, after all. Seeing you two in chains...

Dean:
You kinky son of a bitch, we don't swing that way!

Dean:
It's like we got a contract on us. You think it's 'cause we're so awesome? I think it's 'cause we're so awesome.

Dean:
(Country accent) Well, howdy there sheriff.

Agent Henriksen:
I shot the sheriff..

Dean:
But you didn't shoot the deputy. (smirks)

Sam:
You were possessed.

Henriksen:
Possessed like... possessed?

Sam:
That's what it feels like. Now you know.

Dean:
I owe you the biggest "I told you so" ever.

Henriksen:
What do you need?

Dean:
Salt. Lots and lots of salt.

Deputy:
Salt?

Dean:
What is there an echo in here?

Henriksen:
So, turns out demons are real.

Dean:
F.Y.I. Ghosts are real too. So are werewolves. Vampires. Changelings. Evil clowns that eat people.

Henriksen:
Okay then.

Dean:
If it makes you feel better, Big Foot's a hoax.

Ruby:
(scratches head) Does anyone have a breath mint? Some guts splattered into my mouth while I was killing my way in here!

Ruby:
We'll need The Colt. (Sam and Dean look at each other awkwardly, Ruby looks at them both, suspicious.) Where's The Colt?!

Sam:
It got stolen.

Ruby:
I'm sorry, I must have blood in my ear! I thought I just heard you say you were stupid enough to let The Colt get grabbed out of your thick, clumsy, idiotic hands! (Sam and Dean look guilty) Fantastic! This is just peachy!

Sam:
Ruby-

Ruby:
Shut up! Fine. Since I don't see that there's any other option, there's one other way I know how to get you out of here alive.

Dean:
What's that?

Ruby:
I know a spell. It'll vaporize every demon, in a one mile radius. Myself included! So you let The Colt out of your sight, and now I have to die! So next time, be more careful. How's that for a dying wish?

Dean:
Okay, what do we need to do?

Ruby:
Aw, you can't do anything. This spell is very specific. It calls for a person of virtue.

Dean:
I got virtue.

Ruby:
Ha, ha. Nice try! You're not a virgin.

Dean:
Ha ha. Nobody's a virgin! [Everyone looks at Nancy] No... No way! You're kidding me, right? You're...

Nancy:
What? It's a choice, okay!

Dean:
Wait. So you-you've never... Not even once...I mean not even...Wow...

Nancy:
It's my decision.

Ruby:
Damn straight, Cherry Pie.

Dean:
Stop! Stop! Nobody kill any virgins!

Dean:
(to Sam) I'm not going to let that demon kill some nice, sweet, innocent girl, who hasn't even been laid. I mean if that's how you win wars, then I don't want to win.

Dean:
I got a plan. I'm not saying it's a good one, I'm not even saying it will work. But it sure as hell beats killing a virgin.

Sam:
Ok, so what's the plan.

Dean:
Open the doors, we let 'em all in, and we fight.

Nancy:
When this is all over, I'm gonna have so much sex... (glances at the officer next to her) but not with you.

Ruby:
Don't thank me. Lilith killed everyone. She slaughtered your precious little virgin, plus half a dozen other people. So after your big speech about humanity in war, it turns out that your plan was the one with the body-count. Do you know how to fight a battle? You strike fast and you don't leave any survivors. So no one can go running to tell the boss. So next time, we go with my plan!

Ed:
We know you've had it hard during the crippling writer's strike

Harry:
Lazy fat cats!

Ed:
Who needs writers when you've got guys like us?

Ed:
Good morning Ghost Facers.

Spruce:
It's 7 p.m. dude.

Ed:
That's morning to a Ghost Facer.

Harry:
Rats are like the rats of the world.

Ed:
Listen here, Chiseled Chest!

Harry:
(to Sam and Dean) Who made you guys reoccuring guest stars?

Dean:
Crap. Crap. Taxidermy, kay. You said Daggett was a hospital janitor?

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
Eew. We got three toe tags here. One, death by gunshots, train accident, and suicide.

Sam:
Eew.

Harry:
What?

Sam:
Well that explains why all the death echoes are here.

(Ed and Harry look confused)

Sam:
They're here because their bodies are here…Somewhere in the house.

(Ed and Harry still look confused)

Dean:
Daggett brought the remains home from the morgue to play with.

Ed and Harry together:
(After a pause) Eew!

Spruce:
Oh, that's nasty dude.

Dean:
There's some salt in my duffel bag. Make a circle and get inside.

Ed:
Inside your duffel bag?

Dean:
In the salt, you idiot!!

Spruce:
What's this guy Daggett guys problem, anyway?

Sam:
Loneliness.

Dean:
What, has he never heard of a Real Doll?

Harry:
Ed, you gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern.

Ed:
Here we were thinking that, you know, we were teaching you. And all this time you were teaching us about heart and about dedication and about how gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day.

Dean:
You know I kind of think it was half awesome.

Maggie:
Half awesome, th-that's full on good! Right?

Sam:
Yeah, I mean it-it's bizarre how y'all are able to uh...to honor Corbett's memory while grossly exploiting the manner of his death. Well done.

Dean:
Yeah. That's a real tight rope you guys are walking.

Sam:
Yeah Alright guys.

Ed:
No that's reality man. Yeah, Corbett gave his life searching for the truth, and it's our job over here to share it with the world.

Sam:
Right, uh, our experience, you know what you get when you show the world the truth?

Dean:
A straight-jacket. Or a punch in the face. Sometimes both.

Sam:
Right

Harry:
Oh come on guys don't be Facer-haters because we happen to have gotten the footage of the century.

Ed:
Oh yeah.

Dean:
...They got us there.

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
Well, we'll see you guys around.

Spruce:
Peaceout.

(Sam and Dean leave, Ed closes the door.)

Harry:
Dicks.

Dean:
I just talked to an 84-year-old grandmother who's having phone sex with her husband. Who died in Korea.

Sam:
Ugh.

Dean:
Completely rocked my understanding of the word necrophilia.

Sam:
(about a demon) And it's following you because...?

Dean:
I guess I'm big game, you know? My ass is too sweet to let out of sight.

Sam:
Dean, it's not Dad.

Dean:
Then what is it?

Sam:
A Crocotta.

Dean:
Is that a sandwich?

Dean's voicemail:
This is Herman Munster. Leave a message.

Dean:
The only person who can get me out of this thing is me.

Sam:
And me.

Dean:
"And me"?

Sam:
What?

Dean:
Deep revelation, having a real moment here. That's what you come back with? "And me"?

Sam:
Do you want a poem?

Dean:
Moment's gone. Unbelievable.

Dean:
I mean obviously I wanna hunt some zombies.

Coroner:
So you're cops and morons.

Dean:
Excuse me? No, no. We're very smart!

Doctor:
Didn't you read my report?

Dean:
Of course we did. Oh, it was-it was riveting, a real page-turner. Just delightful.

Doctor:
You done?

Dean:
I think so.

Doctor:
Please, go away.

Dean:
Okay.

Sam:
I talked to Mr. Beetle's doctor. Turns out his incisions were sewn up with silk.

Dean:
That's weird?

Sam:
Yeah, nowadays it is, but silk used to be the suture of choice back in the early 19th-century. It was really problematic. Patients would get massive infections, the death rate was insane.

Dean:
Good times.

Sam:
Right. So, doctors, they had to do whatever they could to keep the infections from spreading. One way was maggots.

Dean:
Dude, I'm eating.

Sam:
It actually kind of worked because maggots, they eat the bad tissue and they leave good tissue. And get this: When they found our guy, his body cavity was stuffed full of maggots.

Dean:
Dude, I'm eating!

Dean:
(to his burger) No, baby, I can't stay mad at you.

Sam:
Even if you had the Colt, Dean, who're you gonna shoot? We have no idea who holds the ticket!

Dean:
We'll, shoot the hellhounds then, before they slash me up! Now, you comin' or not?

Sam:
I'm stayin' here.

Dean:
No, you're not. Cause I'm not gonna let you go wander out into the woods alone to track some some organ-stealing freak!

Dean:
Hiya, Bela. Here's a fun fact you may not know: I felt your hand in my pocket when you swiped that motel receipt.

Bela Talbot:
You don't understand.

Dean:
Oh, I'm pretty sure I understand perfectly. Y'see, I noticed something interesting in your hotel room. Something tucked above the door, an herb. Devil's Shoestring. Well there's only one use for that. Holding Hellhounds at bay. So you know what I did? I went back and took another look at your folks obit, turns out they died ten years ago today. You didn't kill them. A demon did your dirty work. You made a deal, didn't you, Bela. And it's come due.

Lilith:
[flashback, young Bela swinging, crying] I can take care of them for you. And it won't even cost you anything for ten whole years. [her eyes glow red]

Dean:
Is that why you stole the Colt, huh? Try to wiggle out of your deal? Our gun for your soul?

Bela Talbot:
Yes.

Dean:
But stealing the Colt wasn't quite enough, I'm guessing.

Bela Talbot:
They changed the deal. They wanted me to kill Sam.

Dean:
[sarcastic] Really. Wow. Demons, untrustworthy. Huh. Shocker. That's, uh, kind of a tight deadline too, uh, what time is it? Oh, look at that! Almost midnight.

Bela Talbot:
[crying] Dean, listen, I need help.

Dean:
Sweetheart, we are weeks past help.

Bela Talbot:
I know I don't deserve it.

Dean:
You know what, you're right. You don't. But you know what the bitch of the bunch is? If you would have just come to us sooner and asked for help, we probably could have taken the Colt and saved you.

Bela Talbot:
[still crying] I know, and saved yourself. I know about your deal, Dean.

Dean:
And who told you that?

Bela Talbot:
The demon that holds it. She holds mine too. She says she holds every deal.

Dean:
She?

Bela Talbot:
Her name is Lilith.

Dean:
...Lilith? Why should I believe you?

Bela Talbot:
You shouldn't, but it's the truth.

Dean:
This can't help you, Bela. Not now. Why are you tellin' me this?

Bela Talbot:
Because just maybe you can kill the bitch.

Dean:
[long pause] I'll see you in Hell.

[he hangs up on her. Bela hangs up as the clock switches to 12:
00 midnight. Hellhounds howl in the background. Bela stands to look out window, and there is a crash as the Hellhounds presumably attack and scene fades to black]

Dean:
Why don't we just make a T.J. run. You know, some señoritas, cervezas, uh, we could, what's Spanish for "donkey show"?

Sam:
So if we do save you...let's never do that.

Dean:
We're going off of Bela's intel? Now, when that bitch breathes, the air comes out crooked.

Ruby:
Oh, so you're just too stupid to live, is that it? Then fine. You deserve hell. I wish I could be there, Dean. I wish I could smell the flesh sizzle off your bones! I wish I could be there to hear you scream!

Dean:
And I wish you'd shut your pie-hole, but we don't always get what we want.

Dean:
Sammy, all I'm saying is that you're my weak spot. You are. And I'm yours.

Sam:
You don't mean that. We're--we're family.

Dean:
I know. And those evil sons of bitches know it, too.

Bobby:
Where do you think you're going?

Dean:
We got the knife.

Bobby:
And you intend to use it without me. Do I look like a ditchable prom-date to you?

Sam:
No Bobby. Of course not.

Dean:
This is about me... and Sam. Ok? This isn't your fight.

Bobby:
The hell it isn't! Family don't end with blood, boy!

Dean:
If this is my last day on earth, I do not want it to be socially awkward.

Bobby:
You're piercing the veil, Dean. Glimpsing the B side.

Dean:
Little less new agey please.

Bobby:
You're almost Hell's bitch. So, you can see Hell's other bitches.

Ruby:
What you don't know about me could fill a book.

Dean:
Whoa.

Ruby:
What?

Dean:
Nothing, I, I just, I, uh, I couldn't see it before, but you are one ugly broad.

Sam:
I'm not gonna let you go to hell, Dean!

Dean:
Yes, you are! Yes, you are! I'm sorry! I mean this is all my fault. I know that. But what you're doing, it's not gonna save me. It's only gonna kill you.

Sam:
Then what am I supposed to do?

Dean:
Keep fighting.

Lilith:
(to Dean) I don't have to answer to Puppy Chow. (opens door and lets the hellhound in) Sick him, boy.