Supernatural, Season 4

Dean:
Surprise.

Bobby:
I, I don't...

Dean:
Yeah, me neither. But here I am. [Suddenly, Bobby attacks Dean.] Bobby! Bobby! It's me!

Bobby:
My ass!

Dean:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Your name is Robert Steven Singer. You became a hunter after your wife got possessed... you're about the closest thing I have to a father. Bobby. It's me. I am not a shapeshifter!

Bobby:
Then you're a Revenant!

Dean:
All right. If I was either, could I do this... with a silver knife? [cuts his arm]

Bobby:
Dean?

Dean:
That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Bobby:
It's... It's good to see you, boy.

Dean:
Yeah, you too.

Bobby:
But... how did you bust out?

Dean:
I don't know. I just, uh, I just woke up in a pine box...

[Suddenly, Bobby splashes water in Dean's face. Dean pauses, spits.]

Dean:
I'm not a demon either, you know.

Bobby:
Sorry. Can't be too careful.

Bobby:
But... that don't make a lick of sense.

Dean:
Yeah. Yeah, you're preachin' to the choir.

Bobby:
Dean. Your chest was ribbons, your insides were slop. And you've been buried four months. Even if you could slip out of hell and back into your meat suit,

Dean:
I know, I should look like a Thriller video reject.

Bobby:
What do you remember?

Dean:
Not much. I remember I was a Hellhound's chew toy, and then... lights out. Then I come to six feet under, that was it.

Girl:
So where is it?

Dean:
Where's what?

Girl:
The pizza... that takes two guys to deliver?

Dean:
I think we got the wrong room.

Sam:
(walking into view) Hey is-? (cuts off when he see Dean and Bobby)

Dean:
Heya, Sammy.

Sam:
Dean?

(Dean walks in and Sam attacks him. Bobby pulls Sam away from Dean and restrains him)

Sam:
(struggling against Bobby) Who are you?!

Dean:
Like you didn't do this?

Sam:
(Still fighting Bobby's hold on him) Do what?

Bobby:
(still holding Sam back) It's him, It's him, Sam. I've been through this already. Its really him. (releases Sam)

Dean:
I know. I look fantastic, huh? (Sam and Dean hug)

Girl:
So are you two like... together?

Sam:
What? No. No. He's my brother.

Girl:
Oh... got it. I... I guess.

Dean:
So tell me, what'd it cost?

Sam:
The girl? I don't pay, Dean.

Sam:
I tried everything. That's the truth. I tried opening the Devil's Gate. Hell, I tried to bargain, Dean, but no demon would deal, all right? You were rotting in Hell for months. For months, and I couldn't stop it. So I'm sorry it wasn't me, alright? Dean, I'm sorry.

Dean:
It's okay, Sammy. You don't have to apologize, I believe you.

Bobby:
Don't get me wrong, I'm gladdened that Sam's soul remains intact, but it does raise a sticky question.

Dean:
If he didn't pull me out, then what did?

Bobby:
How you feelin', anyway?

Dean:
I'm a little hungry.

Dean:
(points to an iPod in his car) What the hell is that?

Sam:
That's an iPod jack.

Dean:
You were supposed to take care of her, not douche her up.

Dean:
Who's Jesse? [referring to the text "Jesse Forever", which is tattooed on Pamela's lower back]

Pamela:
Well, it wasn't forever.

Dean:
His loss.

Pamela:
Might be your gain.

Dean:
Dude, I'm so in.

Sam:
Yeah, she's gonna eat you alive.

Dean:
Hey, I just got out of jail. Bring it.

Pamela:
(to Sam) You're invited too, grumpy.

Dean:
(to Sam) You are NOT invited.

Pamela:
Right. Take each other's hands. And I need to touch something our mystery monster touched.

Dean:
Whoa. Well, he didn't touch me there.

Pamela:
My mistake.

Female Demon:
Dean, to hell and back. Aren't you a lucky duck?

Dean:
That's me.

Female Demon:
So you get to just stroll out of the Pit, huh? Tell me, what makes you so special?

Dean:
I like to think it's because of my perky nipples.

Dean:
That's a hell of an art project you've got going there.

Bobby:
Traps and talismans from every faith on the globe. How you doin?

Dean:
Stakes, iron, silver, salt, knife. I mean, we're pretty much set to catch and kill anything I've ever heard of.

Bobby:
This is still a bad idea.

Dean:
Yeah, Bobby, I heard you the first ten times. What do you say we ring the dinner bell?

Ruby:
So. Million dollar question: you going to tell Dean about what we're doing?

Sam:
Yeah, I just gotta figure out the right way to say it. Look, I just need time, okay? That's all.

Ruby:
Sam, he's going to find out, and if it's not from you he's going to be pissed.

Sam:
He's going to be pissed anyway. I mean, he's so hardheaded about this psychic stuff he'll just try and stop me.

Ruby:
Look. Maybe I'll just take a step back for a while.

Sam:
Ruby, you...

Ruby:
I mean, I'm not exactly in your brother's fanclub. But he is your brother, and I'm not going to come between you.

Sam:
I don't know if what I'm doing is right. Hell, I don't even know if I trust you.

Ruby:
Thanks.

Sam:
But what I do know is that I'm saving people. And stopping demons. And that feels good. I want to keep going.

Dean:
You sure you did the ritual right? [Bobby gives him a look] Sorry. Touchy, touchy, huh?

Dean:
Who are you?

Castiel:
I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.

Castiel:
We need to talk, Dean. Alone.

Castiel:
Your friend's alive.

Dean:
Who are you?

Castiel:
Castiel.

Dean:
Yeah, I figured that much, I mean what are you?

Castiel:
I'm an Angel of the Lord.

Dean:
Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing.

Castiel:
This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith. (wings appear)

Dean:
Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes.

Castiel:
I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be... overwhelming to humans, and so can my real voice. But you already knew that.

Dean:
You mean the gas station and the motel. That was you talking? (Castiel nods.) Buddy, next time, lower the volume.

Castiel:
That was my mistake. Certain people, special people, can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong.

Dean:
And what visage are you in now, huh? What, holy tax accountant?

Castiel:
This? This is... a vessel.

Dean:
You're possessing some poor bastard?

Castiel:
He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this.

Dean:
Look pal, I'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?

Castiel:
(frowning) I told you.

Dean:
Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?

Castiel:
Good things do happen, Dean.

Dean:
Not in my experience.

Castiel:
What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?

Dean:
Why'd you do it?

Castiel:
Because God commanded it. Because we have work for you.

Ruby:
(walking through the door) Getting pretty slick there Sam! Better all the time!

Sam:
What's happening here, Ruby?

Ruby:
I wish I knew!

Sam:
We were thinking some high level demon pulled Dean out!

Ruby:
No way! Sam! Human souls don't just walk out of hell and back into their body's easily! The sy bleeds, the earth quakes...it's cosmic! No demon can swing that! Not Lilith...not anyone!

Sam:
What can?

Ruby:
I'm not sure!

Dean:
Look, all I know is I was not groped by an angel.

Dean:
Don't you think that if angels were real, that some hunter somewhere would have seen one... at some point...ever?

Sam:
Yeah. You just did, Dean.

Dean:
I'm trying to come up with a theory here. Okay? Work with me.

Sam:
Dean, we have a theory.

Dean:
Yeah, one with a little less fairy dust on it, please.

Bobby:
You two chuckle heads want to keep arguing religion, or do you want to come take a look at this?

Bobby:
Airlift your ass out of the hot box? As far as I can tell, nothing.

Dean:
I mean, I've saved some people, okay? I figured that made up for the-for the stealing and the-and the ditching chicks. But why do I deserve to get saved? I'm just a regular guy.

Sam:
Apparently, you're a regular guy that's important to the man upstairs.

Dean:
Well, that creeps me out. I mean, I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties... much less by... God.

Sam:
Okay, well, too bad, Dean. Because I think he wants you to strap on your party hat.

Dean:
You're gonna get me some pie.

Sam:
[On phone] Yes, Dean, I'll get the chips. Dude. When have I ever forgotten the pie? Exactly.

Ruby:
Is it true?

Sam:
Is what true?

Ruby:
(rolls her eyes) Did an angel rescue Dean?

Sam:
We're not sure but we think so!

Ruby:
Okay! Good bye Sam!

Sam:
What?

Ruby:
(not believing his confusion) Sam they're angels. (states the obvious) I'm a demon! (sarcastically) They're not gonna care if I'm being helpful! (serious) They smite first and ask questions later!

Sam:
What do you know about them?

Ruby:
Not much! Except the scare the holy hell outta me!

Sam:
I'm not scared of angels!

Ruby:
(sarcastically) Watch yourself, Sam!

Dean:
Dude?

Sam:
Yeah?

Dean:
Where's the pie?

Dean:
Olivia was rocking the EMF meter.

Sam:
Spirit activity.

Dean:
Yeah... On steroids. I've never seen a ghost do this to a person.

Bobby:
I called some hunters nearby...

Dean:
Good. We could use their help.

Bobby:
...except they ain't answering their phones either.

Sam:
Somethings up, huh?

Bobby:
You think?

Dean:
Come out, come out, whoever you are.

Meg:
Dean Winchester, still so bossy. You don't recognize me? This is what I looked like before that demon cut off my hair and dressed me like a slut.

Dean:
Meg.

Meg:
Hi! It's okay, I'm not a demon.

Dean:
You're the girl the demon possessed.

Meg:
Meg Masters. Nice to finally talk to you when I'm not ... you know ... choking on my own blood. It's okay. Seriously, I'm just a college girl... sorry, was. I was walking home one night and got jump by all this smoke. Next thing you know I'm prisoner... in here. You know I was a wake? I had to watch while she murdered people.

Dean:
Sorry.

Meg:
Oh, yeah, so sorry you had me thrown off a building.

Dean:
Well, we thought...

Meg:
No, you didn't think. I kept waiting, praying, I was trapped in there, screaming at you" "just help me, please". You're supposed to help people, Dean, but why didn't you help me?

Dean:
I'm sorry.

Meg:
Stop saying you're sorry.

Meg:
But it wasn't just me, Dean! I had a sister. A little sister. How she worshipped me! you know how little siblings are right? How they'll do anything for you! She was never the same after I dissapeared! She...she just got lost! And when my body was lying there in the morgue...beat up? Broken? Do you know what that did to her? She killed herself! Because of you, Dean! Because all you were thinking about was your family! Your revenge and your demons! 50 words of latin a little sooner and I'd still be alive...my baby sister would still be alive!

Sam:
Okay, where are we going?

Bobby:
Some place safe, you idjit.

Sam:
You built a panic room!?

Bobby:
I had a weekend off.

Dean:
Bobby.

Bobby:
What?

Dean:
You're awesome!

Dean:
See, this is why I can't get behind God.

Sam:
What are you talking about?

Dean:
If he doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. There's no rhyme or reason. Just random, horrible, evil. I get it, okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?

Bobby:
I ain't touching this one with at 10-Foot pole.

Sam:
Okay, so, what do we do now?

Dean:
Road trip. Grand canyon, Star Trek experience. Bunny ranch.

Bobby:
It's a spell to send the witnesses back to rest. Should work...

Sam:
Should. Great.

Bobby:
...if I translate it correctly. I think I got everything we need here at the house.

Dean:
Any chance you got everything we need here in this room?

Bobby:
So, you thought our luck was gonna start now all of a sudden? Spell's gotta be cast over an open fire.

Sam:
The fireplace in the library.

Bobby:
Bingo.

Dean:
That's just not as appealing as a ghost-proof panic room, you know?

Meg:
You saw how I suffered for months. I thought you must have learned something. I thought I died for something.

Sam:
Meg.

Meg:
But what you're doing with that demon, Ruby? How many innocent bodies has Ruby burned through for kicks? How many girls just like me? And you don't send her back to Hell? You're a monster!

Dean:
Ronald. Hey, come on, man. I thought we were pals.

Ronald:
That's when I was breathing. Now I'm gonna eat you alive.

Dean:
Well... come on, I'm not a cheeseburger.

Castiel:
Excellent job with the witnesses.

Dean:
You were hip to all this?

Castiel:
I was, uh, made aware.

Dean:
Well, thanks a lot for the angelic assistance. You know, I almost got my heart ripped out of my chest.

Castiel:
But you didn't.

Dean:
I thought angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos -- You know, Michael Landon. Not dicks.

Castiel:
Read the Bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier.

Dean:
Yeah? Then, why didn't you fight?

Castiel:
I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We had larger concerns.

Dean:
Concerns? There were people getting torn to shreds down here! And, by the way, while all this is going on, where the hell is your boss, huh, if there is a God?

Castiel:
There's a God.

Dean:
I'm not convinced. 'Cause if there's a God, what the hell is he waiting for, huh? Genocide? Monsters roaming the earth? The freaking Apocalypse? At what point does he lift a damn finger and help the poor bastards that are stuck down here?

Castiel:
The Lord works...

Dean:
If you say "mysterious ways," so help me, I will kick your ass. So, Bobby was right... about the witnesses... this is some kind of a... sign of the Apocalypse.

Castiel:
That's why we're here. Big things afoot.

Dean:
Do I want to know what kind of things?

Castiel:
I sincerely doubt it, but you need to know. The rising of the witnesses is one of the 66 seals.

Dean:
Okay. I'm guessing that's not a show at Seaworld.

Castiel:
Those seals are being broken. By Lilith.

Dean:
She did the spell. She rose the witnesses.

Castiel:
Mm-hmm. And not just here. Twenty other hunters are dead.

Dean:
Of course. She picked victims that the hunters couldn't save so that they would barrel right after us.

Castiel:
Lilith has a certain sense of humor.

Dean:
Well, we put those spirits back to rest.

Castiel:
It doesn't matter. The seal was broken.

Dean:
Why break the seal anyway?

Castiel:
You think of the seals as locks on a door.

Dean:
... Okay. Last one opens and...

Castiel:
Lucifer walks free.

Dean:
Lucifer? But I thought Lucifer was just a story they told at demon Sunday school. There's no such thing.

Castiel:
Three days ago, you thought there was no such thing as me. Why do you think we're here walking among you now for the first time in 2,000 years?

Dean:
To stop Lucifer.

Castiel:
That's why we've arrived.

Dean:
Well... bang-up job so far. Stellar work with the witnesses. That's nice.

Castiel:
We tried. And there are other battles, other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose. This one we lost. Our numbers are not unlimited. Six of my brothers died in the field this week. You think the armies of heaven should just follow you around? There's a bigger picture here. You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in.

Castiel:
Hello Dean. What were you dreaming about?

Dean:
What, do you get your freak on by watching other people sleep? What do you want?

Dean:
Can you, uh, tell me where I can get reception on this thing? (referring to his cell phone)

Young John:
The U.S.S. Enterprise?

Dean:
Thanks...nice threads. You know Sonny and Cher broke up right?

Young John:
Sonny and Cher broke up?

Dean:
What is this?

Castiel:
What does it look like?

Dean:
Is it real?

Castiel:
Very.

Dean:
Okay, so what? Angels got their hands on some Deloreans? How did I get here?

Castiel:
Time is fluid Dean, it's not easy, but we can bend it on occasion.

Dean:
Well bend it back or tell me what the hell I'm doing here!

Castiel:
I told you, you have to stop it.

Dean:
Stop what? Huh? What, is there something nasty after my Dad?Dean turns as a car horn sounds. When he turns back Castiel is gone. Oh, come on! What, are you allergic to straight answers, you son of a bitch?!

Dean:
Sammy, wherever you are, Mom is a babe. I'm going to Hell. Again.

(realizing he and Sam were named after their grandparents)

Dean:
Samuel and Deanna?

Dean:
What about the rest of the town? Well, did you find anything on the web? ...of information that you have assembled.

Deanna:
Electrical storms maybe, the weather service graphs should be here on Friday.

Dean:
By mail?

Samuel:
No, we hired a jet liner to fly 'em to us overnight.

Samuel:
Father, I see you beat me here.

Dean:
The Lord is funny that way. Beth Whitshire, this is my associate, our senior- senior priest, Father Chaney.

Dean:
I know you guys think I'm crazy.

Samuel:
You seem like a really nice kid, Dean, but yeah you're crazy.

Young Mary:
You know the worst thing I can think of, the very worst thing? It's for my children raised into this like I was. No, I won't let it happen.

Dean:
Yeah.

Young Mary:
Hey, you okay?

Dean:
Yeah. No, I'm fine. Hey, Mary? Can I tell you something?

Young Mary:
Sure.

Dean:
Even if this sounds really weird, will you promise me that you will remember?

Young Mary:
Okay.

Dean:
On November 2nd, 1983, don't get out of bed. No matter what you hear, or what you see. Promise me you won't get out of bed.

Dean:
So what? God's my copilot is that it? Castiel just looks at him, and Dean glances over again. Well, you're a regular chatty Kathy. Tell me something, Sam would have wanted in on this, why not bring him back?

Castiel:
You had to do this alone, Dean.

Dean:
And you don't care that he's tearing up the future looking for me right now?

Castiel:
Sam's not looking for you.

Dean:
Alright, if I do this, then the family curse breaks right? Mom and Dad live happily ever after, and- and, Sam and I grow up playing little league and chasing tail?

Castiel:
You realize, if you do alter the future, your father, you, Sam, you'll never become hunters. And all those people you saved, they'll die.

Dean:
I realize.

Castiel:
And you don't care?

Dean:
Oh, I care. I care a lot, but these are my parents, I'm not gonna let them die again. I can't, no, not if I can stop it.

Samuel Campbell:
She wants to hunt, she doesn't want to hunt. Is this some female "time of the month" thing?

Azazel:
Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, no one's breeding with me. Though, Mary? Man, I'd like to make an exception, so far, she's my favorite.

Azazel:
(to Dean) You know what I'm gonna do to your sibling? I'm gonna stand over their crib and I'm gonna bleed into their mouth, demon blood is better than Ovaltine, vitamins, minerals it makes you big and strong!

Dean:
For what? So they can lead your discount demon army? Is that your big plan?

Azazel:
Please. My endgame's a hell of a lot bigger than that, kid.

Dean:
I couldn't stop any of it. She still made the deal. She still died in the nursery didn't she?

Castiel:
Don't be too hard on yourself, you couldn't have stopped it.

Dean:
What?

Castiel:
Destiny can't be changed Dean. All roads lead to the same destination.

Castiel:
Your brother is headed down a dangerous road, Dean. And we're not sure where it leads. So stop it... or we will.

Castiel:
We know what Azazel did to your brother. What we don't know is why, and he went to great lengths to cover that up.

Sam:
Where's Lilith?

Demon:
Kiss my ass.

Sam:
I'd watch myself if I were you.

Demon:
Why? Huh? Because you're Sam Winchester, Mr. Big Hero? And yet here you are, slutting around with some demon. Real hero.

Sam:
Shut your mouth.

Demon:
Tell me about those months without your brother. About all the things you and this demon bitch do in the dark.

Dean:
So... Anything you wanna tell me, Sam?

Sam:
Dean, hold on, okay? Just let me...

Dean:
You gonna say, "let me explain"? You gonna explain this? How about this? Why don't you start with who she is, and what the hell is she doing here?

Sam:
Ruby! Stop it!

Dean:
Well, aren't you an obedient little bitch?

Sam:
Dean, what are you doing? What, are you, are you leaving?

Dean:
You don't need me. You and Ruby go fight demons.

Sam:
Hold on. Dean, come on, man. (Dean punches Sam in the face) You satisfied? (Dean hits him again) I guess not.

Dean:
Do you even know how far off the reservation you've gone? How far from normal? From human?

Sam:
I'm just exorcising demons.

Dean:
With your mind! What else can you do?

Sam:
I can send them back to hell. It only works with demons, and that's it.

Dean:
What else can you do?!

Sam:
I told you!

Dean:
And I have every reason in the world to believe that.

Sam:
Look, I should have said something. I'm sorry, Dean. I am. But try to see the other side here.

Dean:
The other side?

Sam:
I'm pulling demons out of innocent people.

Dean:
Use the knife!

Sam:
The knife kills the victim! What I do, most of them survive! Look, I've saved more people in the last five months than we save in a year.

Dean:
That what Ruby want you to think? Huh? Kind of like the way she tricked you into using your powers? Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends.

Sam:
I'm not gonna let it go too far.

Dean:
It's already gone too far, Sam. If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you. And so would other hunters.

Sam:
You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you. And what I'm doing... It works.

Dean:
Well, tell me. If it's so terrific... then why'd you lie about it to me? Why did an angel tell me to stop you?

Sam:
What?

Dean:
Cas' said that if I don't stop you, he will. See what that means, Sam? That means that God doesn't want you doing this. So, are you just gonna stand there and tell me everything is all good?

Sam:
I should have told you. I'm sorry.

Dean:
You've been saying that a lot lately, Sam. But whatever. You don't want to tell me, you don't have to. It's fine.

Dean:
Are you sure that's him?

Sam:
Only Jack Montgomery in town.

Dean:
And we're looking for...

Sam:
Travis said to keep an eye out for anything weird.

Dean:
Weird?

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
Alright, well, yeah, I've seen big weird, little weird, weird with crazy on top. But this guy? I mean, come on, this guy's boring.

Sam:
I don't know, Dean. Travis seemed pretty sure. (Jack Montgomery starts to eat raw meat) I'd say that qualifies as weird.

Travis:
You still a.. oh, what was it... a mathlete?

Sam:
No.

Dean:
Yep, sure is.

Dean:
Well, he had a hell of a case of the munchies, topped off with a burger that he forgot to cook.

Travis:
Boys, we got a rougarou on our hands.

Dean:
A rougarou? Is that made up? That sounds made up.

Dean:
Hungry for what?

Travis:
At first for everything, but then, the long pig.

Dean:
(doesn't get it) Long pig?

Sam:
He means human flesh.

Dean:
And that is my word of the day!

Dean:
Sam loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress right next to his KY.

Sam:
You want to know why I've been lying to you, Dean? Because of crap like this.

Dean:
Like what?

Sam:
The way you talk to me, the way you look at me like I'm a freak!

Dean:
I do not.

Sam:
You know, or even worse, like I'm an idiot! Like I don't know the difference between right and wrong! What?

Dean:
Do you know the difference, Sam? I mean, you've been kind of strolling a dark road lately.

Sam:
You have no idea what I'm going through. None.

Dean:
Well then enlighten me!

Sam:
I've got demon blood in me, Dean. This disease pumping through my veins and I can't ever rip it out or scrub it clean. I'm a whole new level of freak! And I'm just trying to take this - this curse... and make something good out of it. Because I have to.

Sam:
(to Jack Montgomery) Listen to me, you've got this dark pit inside you. I know. Believe me, I know. But that doesn't mean you have to fall into it. You don't have to be a monster...It doesn't matter what you are. It only matters what you do. It's your choice.

Dean:
You did the right thing, you know. That guy was a monster, there was no going back. Sam, I wanna tell you I'm sorry. I've been kind of hard on you lately.

Sam:
Don't worry about it, Dean.

Dean:
It's just that your, uh, your psychic thing, it scares the crap out of me.

Sam:
Look, if it's all the same... I'd really rather not talk about it.

Dean:
Wait. What? You don't want to talk? You?

Sam:
There's nothing more to say. I can't keep explaining myself to you. I can't make you understand.

Dean:
Why don't you try?

Sam:
I can't. Because this thing, this blood, it's not in you the way it's in me. It's just something I gotta deal with.

Dean:
Not alone.

Sam:
Anyway, it doesn't matter. These powers... it's playing with fire. I'm done with them. I'm done with everything.

Dean:
Really? Well, that's a relief. Thank you.

Sam:
Don't thank me. I'm not doing it for you. Or for the angels or for anybody. This is my choice.

Dean:
Where are you going?

Ruby:
The ER! Unless you want to go another round first!

Dean:
It's like the good old days! An honest-to-goodness monster hunt! It's about time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straightforward, black-and-white case.

Dean:
We still got to see the new "raiders" movie.

Sam:
Saw it.

Dean:
Without me?

Sam:
You were in hell.

Dean:
That's no excuse!

Jamie:
Guten Tag.

Dean:
Guten Tag yourself.

Dean:
I'm a maverick, ma'am. A rebel with a badge. One thing I don't play by- the rules.

Sam:
Can you describe her assailant?

Ed Brewer:
Oh, he was a vampire.

Dean:
Okay, right. And by that you mean...

Ed:
A vampire.

Dean:
So...he looked like-

Ed:
He looked like a vampire. You know with the fangs and the slicked back hair and the fancy cape and the little medallion thing on the ribbon.

Dean:
I've been re-hymenated!

Sam:
Re...hy...Please. Dean maybe angels can pull you outta hell, but no one could do that.

Dean:
Brother, I have been re-hymenated. And the dude will not abide.

Dean:
I don't think we're staying on the case.

Jamie:
What, is it too weird for you?

Dean:
Not weird enough.

Sam:
[tries to tear off Ed's ear] It's supposed to come off.

Ed:
No, it's not!

Pizza Delivery Guy:
Uh, pizza delivery?

Dracula:
Ah, you have brought a repast. Excellent. Continue to be of such service, and your life will be spared.

Pizza Delivery Guy:
Uh-huh. That'll be $15.50.

Dracula:
Tell me…

Pizza Delivery Guy:
Yeah?

Dracula:
Is there… garlic on this pizza?

Pizza Delivery Guy:
I don't know. Did you order garlic?

Dracula:
No!

Pizza Delivery Guy:
Then no. Look, mister, I got four other deliveries to make. You want to just pay me the money so I can go?

Dracula:
Of course. Yes. But I have a coupon.

Dean:
Although, if I was turning life into a movie, I wouldn't do this Abbot and Costello meet the Monsters crap.

Sam:
Yeah. No, I know what you'd pick.

Dean:
Heh, no, you don't.

Sam:
Yeah, I do.

Dean:
No, you don't. You don't.

Sam:
Porky's 2.

Dean:
What?

Sam:
You heard me.

Dean:
Lucky guess.

(Dean's running down the street in sheer panic)

Dean:
Run! It'll kill you!

(camera pans down to a Yorkie wearing a pink ribbon)

Sam hands Dean a handgun

Dean:
Oh, I'm not carrying that. (Sam gives him a look) It could go off. (grabs a flashlight) I'll man the flashlight.

Sam:
You do that.

Sam:
1...2...3! (Opens locker to reveal a meowing kitten)

Dean:
(Lets out a long, girly scream) That was scary!

Dean:
What are we doing?

Sam:
We're hunting a ghost.

Dean:
A ghost, exactly. Who does that?

Sam:
Us.

Dean:
Us, right. And that Sam that is exactly why our lives suck. I mean, C'mon, we hunt monsters! What the hell? I mean, normal people, they see a monster and they run. But not us, no no no, we...we search out things that want to kill us! Yeah, huh? Or eat us! You know who does that? Crazy people! We ... are insane! You know, then there's the crappy diner food and the-and the skivvy motel rooms and then truck stop waitress with the bizarre rash. I mean, who wants this life, Sam? Huh? Seriously! I mean do you actually like being stuck in a car with me eight hours a day every single day? I don't think so! I mean, I drive too fast and I listen to the same five albums over and over and over again and I- and I-I sing along, I'm annoying, I know that. And you…you're gassy! You eat half a burrito and you get toxic! I mean, You know what, you can forget it.

Sam:
Dean, where're you going?

Dean:
Stay away from me Sam, okay? Because I am done with it. I'm done with the monsters and the-and the-and the hell hounds and the Ghost Sickness and the damn apocalypse. I'm out, I'm done, I quit.

Sam:
Yeah. How you feeling, by the way?

Dean:
Fine.

Bobby:
You sure, Dean? 'Cause this line of work can get awful scary.

Dean:
I'm fine. What? You want to go hunt? I'll hunt...I'll kill anything.

Sam:
Awwww.

Bobby:
He's adorable.

Sam:
Really? After that guy choked down all those razor blades?

Dean:
It's Halloween, man.

Sam:
Yeah. For us, every day is Halloween.

Dean:
Don't be a downer. Anything interesting?

Sam:
What about you? Find anything on the victim?

Dean:
This Luke Wallace - he was so vanilla that he made vanilla seem spicy. I can't find any reason why somebody would want this guy dead.

Sam:
Once he's raised, Samhain can do some raising of his own.

Dean:
Raising what, exactly?

Sam:
Dark, evil crap and lots of it. I mean, They follow him around like a friggin' Pied Piper.

Dean:
So we're talking ghosts.

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
Zombies.

Sam:
Mm-hmm.

Dean:
Leprechauns?

Sam:
Dean...

Dean:
Those little dudes are scary. Small hands.

Dean:
Yeah, well, if you were a six-hundred-year-old hag and you could pick any costume to come back in, wouldn't you go for a hot cheerleader? I would. Mmm.

Sam:
Who are you?!

Dean:
Sam! Sam, wait! It's Castiel. The angel. Him, I don't know.

Castiel:
Hello Sam.

Sam:
Oh my God- er- uh- I didn't mean to- sorry. It's an honor, really, I- I've heard a lot about you.

Castiel:
And I, you. Sam Winchester...The boy with the demon blood. Glad to hear you've ceased your extracurricular activities.

Uriel:
Let's keep it that way.

Dean:
Yeah, okay, chuckles. Who's your friend?

Castiel:
This raising of Samhain, have you stopped it?

Dean:
Why?

Castiel:
Dean, have you located the witch?

Dean:
Yes, we've located the witch.

Castiel:
And is the witch dead?

Sam:
No, but...

Dean:
We know who it is.

Castiel:
Apparently the witch knows who you are too. This was inside the wall of your room. If we hadn't found it, surely one or both of you would be dead. Do you know where the witch is now?

Dean:
We're working on it.

Castiel:
That's unfortunate.

Dean:
What do you care?

Castiel:
The raising of Samhain is one of the 66 seals.

Dean:
So this is about your buddy Lucifer.

Uriel:
Lucifer is no friend of ours.

Dean:
It's just an expression.

Castiel:
Lucifer cannot rise, the breaking of the seal must be prevented at all costs.

Dean:
Okay, great, well now that you're here, why don't you tell us where the witch is, we'll gank her and everybody goes home.

Castiel:
We are not omniscient, this witch is very powerful, she's cloaked even our methods.

Sam:
Okay, we already know who she is, so if we work together-

Uriel:
Enough of this.

Dean:
Okay, who are you and why should I care?

Castiel:
This is Uriel, he's what you might call... a specialist.

Dean:
What kind of specialist? What are you gonna do?

Castiel:
You...uh both of you, you need to leave this town immediately.

Dean:
Why?

Castiel:
Because we're about to destroy it.

Dean:
So this is your plan, you're gonna smite the whole friggin' town?

Castiel:
We're out of time, this witch has to die, the seal must be saved.

Sam:
There are a thousand people here.

Uriel:
One thousand two hundred fourteen.

Sam:
And you're willing to kill them all?

Uriel:
This isn't the first time I've…purified a city.

Castiel:
Look, I understand this is regrettable.

Dean:
Regrettable?

Castiel:
We have to hold the line; too many seals have broken already.

Dean:
So you screw the pooch on some seals and now this town has to pay the price?

Castiel:
It's the lives of one thousand against the lives of six billion, there's a bigger picture here.

Dean:
Right, cause you're bigger picture kind of guys.

Castiel:
Lucifer cannot rise, he does and hell rises with him. Is that something that you're willing to risk?

Sam:
We'll stop this witch before she summons anyone. Your seal won't be broken and no one has to die.

Uriel:
We're wasting time with these mud monkeys.

Castiel:
I'm sorry, but we have our orders.

Sam:
No, you can't do this, you're... you're angels, I mean aren't you supposed to- You're supposed to show mercy.

Uriel:
Says who?

Castiel:
We have no choice.

Dean:
Of course you have a choice, I mean, come on, what? You've never-you've never questioned a crap order, huh? What are you both just a couple of hammers?

Castiel:
Look, even if you can't understand it, have faith, the plan is just.

Sam:
How can you even say that?

Castiel:
Because it comes from heaven, that makes it just.

Dean:
Oh, it must be nice, to be so sure of yourselves.

Castiel:
Tell me something Dean, when your father gave you an order, didn't you obey?

Dean:
Well sorry boys, looks like the plans have changed.

Uriel:
You think you can stop us?

Dean:
No, but if you're gonna smite this whole town, then you're gonna have to smite us with it, because we are not leaving. See, you went to the trouble of busting me out of hell, I figure I'm worth something to the man upstairs. You wanna waste me? Go ahead, see how he digs that.

Uriel:
I will drag you out of here myself.

Dean:
Yeah, but you'll have to kill me, then we're back to the same problem. I mean, come on, you're gonna wipe out a whole town for one little witch. Sounds to me like you're compensating for something. We can do this, we will find that witch and we will stop the summoning.

Uriel:
Castiel! I will not let these peop-

Castiel:
Enough! I suggest you move quickly.

Dean:
Astronaut!

Sam:
I thought they'd be different.

Dean:
What, the angels?

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
Well, I tried to tell you.

Sam:
I just...I mean, I thought they'd be righteous.

Dean:
Well, they are righteous. That's kinda the problem. Course, there's nothing more dangerous than some a-hole who thinks he's on a holy mission.

Sam:
But, this is God and Heaven? This is what I've been praying to?

Dean:
Don't give up on this stuff, is all I'm saying. I mean, Babe Ruth was a dick, but baseball's still a beautiful game.

Dean:
Well, are you gonna figure out a way to find this witch, or are you just gonna sit there fingering your bone?

Castiel:
The decision's been made.

Uriel:
By a mud monkey.

Castiel:
You shouldn't call them that.

Uriel:
Ah, it's what they are, savages, just plumbing on two legs.

Castiel:
You're close to blasphemy. There's a reason we were sent to save him, he has potential, he may succeed here. And any rate, it's out of our hands.

Uriel:
It doesn't have to be.

Castiel:
And what would you suggest?

Uriel:
That we drag Dean Winchester out of here, then we blow this insignificant pinprick off the map.

Castiel:
You know our true orders, are you prepared to disobey?

Tracy:
My love.

Samhain:
You've aged.

Tracy:
This face...I can't fool you.

Samhain:
Your beauty is beyond time. [snaps her neck] Whore.

Dean:
Zombie-ghost orgy, huh? Well, that's it. I'm torching everybody.

Uriel:
The only reason you're still alive, Sam Winchester, is because you've been useful. The moment that ceases to be true, the second you become more trouble than you're worth... One word. One. And I will turn you to dust. As for your brother, tell him that maybe he should climb off of that high horse of his. Ask Dean what he remembers from Hell.

Dean:
Let me guess you're here for the, I told you so.

Castiel:
No.

Dean:
Well, good cause I'm really not that interested.

Castiel:
I am not here to judge you Dean.

Dean:
Then why are you here?

Castiel:
Our orders-

Dean:
Yeah, you know, I've had about enough of these orders of yours-

Castiel:
Our orders were not to stop the summoning of Samhain, they were to do whatever you told us to do.

Dean:
Your orders were to follow my orders?

Castiel:
It was a test, to see how you would perform under... battlefield conditions, you might say.

Dean:
It was a witch, not the Tet Offensive. So I uh- failed your test, huh? I get it. But you know what? If you would have waved that-that magic time traveling wand of yours and we had to do it all over again, I'd make the same call. Cause see, I don't know what's gonna happen when these seals are broken, hell I don't even know what's gonna happen tomorrow. But what I do know is, that this, here? These kids, the swings, the trees, all of it is still here because of my brother and me.

Castiel:
You misunderstand me Dean. I'm not like you think, I was praying that you would choose to save the town.

Dean:
You were?

Castiel:
These people, they're all my father's creations. They're works of art, and yet, even though you stopped Samhain, the seal was broken and we are one step closer to hell on earth, for all creation. Now that's not an expression Dean, its a literal. You of all people should appreciate what that means. Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul?

Dean:
Okay.

Castiel:
I'm not a…hammer as you say. I have questions, I...I have doubts. I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore, whether you passed or failed here. But in the coming months you will have more decisions to make. I don't envy the weight that's on your shoulders Dean. I truly don't.

Sam:
It just doesn't make any sense, Dean. I mean, why would Uriel tell me you remembered hell if you didn't?

Dean:
Maybe because he's a dick. Might have something to do with it.

Sam:
Okay. Fine. Then look me in the eye and tell me you don't remember a thing from your time down under.

Dean:
I don't remember a thing from my time down under. I don't remember, Sam!

Sam:
Look, Dean, I just want to help.

Dean:
You know everything I do. Okay? That's all there is.

Sam:
Eye witness reports of a ghost that's been haunting the showers of a woman's health facility (Dean chokes on beer then downs the rest). The victim claims that the ghost threw her down a flight of stairs... I can see you're very interested.

Dean:
Women? Showers? (Dean throws money on the table to pay the bill) We gotta save these people!

Candace:
I'm not surprised the spirit world chose to make contact with me. I'm something of a... Natural sensitive.

Sam:
I can sense that about you, Candace, that whole... Sensitive thing.

Candace:
So, what did you say you're calling your book?

Sam:
Oh, well, um... Well, the working title is... "Supernatural."

Dean:
I got to tell you, I'm pretty disappointed.

Sam:
[Exhales sharply] You wanted to save naked women.

Dean:
Damn right I wanted to save some naked women.

Dean:
"Run, Forrest, Run!"

Sam:
Excuse us. FBI.

Police Officer:
What?

Sam:
Yes, sir. We're here about the, uh... That.

Police Officer:
About Bigfoot?

Sam:
That's right.

Dean:
Well, maybe somebody's pumping LSD into the town water supply.

Dean:
So,what... Bigfoot breaks into a liquor store, jonesing for some hooch? Amaretto and Irish cream. He's a girl-Drink drunk.

Sam:
Hey. Check this out.

Dean:
He took the whole porno rack? Well, I'll say it again. What the hell is going on in this town?

Dean:
I got nothing.

Sam:
It's got to be a joke, right? Some big-ass mother in a gorilla suit?

Dean:
Or it's a Bigfoot. You know, and he's some kind of a alcoholo-Porno addict. Kind of like a deep-Woods Duchovny.

Dean:
A little young for Busty Asian Beauties.

Dean:
What is this, like a Harry and the Hendersons deal?

Audrey:
He's my teddy bear. I think he's sick.

Dean:
Wow. Uh... Amazing. 'Cause you know what? We... Are, uh... Teddy bear doctors.

Audrey:
Really? Can you please take a look at him?

Sam:
Sure.

Dean:
Sure. Yeah.

Audrey:
He's in my bedroom. He's pretty grumpy. Teddy? There's some nice doctors here to see you.

Teddy':
Close the friggin' door!

Audrey:
See what I mean?

Audrey:
All I ever wanted was a teddy which was big, real, and talked. But now he's sad all the time not "ouch" sad, but ouch-In-The-Head sad. Says weird stuff, and smells like the bus!

Teddy Bear:
Look at this. (indicates television)

(both look at television, which shows news coverage of an explosion)

Teddy Bear:
Can you believe this crap?

Dean:
(incredulously, looking at Teddy Bear) Not really.

Teddy Bear:
It is a terrible world. (turns to Dean) Why am I here?!

Audrey:
For tea parties!

Teddy Bear:
Tea parties? (sobs) Is that all there is?!

Sam:
Audrey, give us a second, okay? Okay.

(Sam and Dean walk a short way down the hall and pause, clearly struggling)

Sam:
(whispering) Are we - should we - uh - (glances toward Audrey, before quickly turning back) are we gonna kill this teddy bear?!

Dean:
(also whispering) How, huh? Shoot it? Burn it?

Sam:
I dunno, (glances back again) both?

Dean:
Well we dunno if that's even gonna work, an' I don't-I don't want some giant, flaming, pissed off teddy on our hands.

Sam:
Yeah. Besides, I get the feeling the bear isn't really the, y'know, core problem, here.

Sam:
Audrey, where are your parents?

Audrey:
My mom wished they were in Bali, so I think they're in Bali

Sam:
(to Audrey) I'm really sorry to have to break this to you, but your bear is sick. Yeah, he's, he's got...

Dean:
Lollipop disease.

Sam:
Lollipop disease.

Dean:
It's not uncommon for a bear his size, but see it's, it's really contagious.

Sam:
Yeah. So is there-is there someone, maybe a grown up, you can stay with while we treat him?

Sam:
What are you gonna wish for?

Dean:
Shh! [throws a coin] Not supposed to tell.

Delivery Guy:
Somebody order a footlong Italian with jalapeño?

Dean:
That'd be me.

Dean:
What are we supposed to do, huh? Stop people's wishes from coming true? I mean, Sounds like kind of a douchey thing to do.

Chinese waiter:
Uh, gentlemen, gentlemen. I'm sorry. We don't allow people to eat outside food here.

Dean:
Well, I am certainly not gonna eat the inside food here. Health department. You, my friend, have a rat infestation. We're gonna have to shut this place down under emergency hazard code 56c.

Dean:
Oh, come on. Aren't you a little bit tempted?

Sam:
No. Wouldn't be real. I wouldn't trust it.

Dean:
I don't know. That bear seemed pretty real.

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
Come on, if you could wish yourself back, you know, before it all started... Think about it. You'd be some big yuppie lawyer with a nice car and a white picket fence.

Sam:
Not what I'd wish for.

Dean:
Seriously?

Sam:
It's too late to go back to our old lives, Dean. I'm not that guy anymore.

Dean:
All right, well, what, then? Hmm? What would Sammy wish for?

Sam:
Lilith's head on a plate. Bloody.

Chinese waiter:
Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! You are gonna break my fountain!

Sam:
Sir, I don't want to slap you with a 44/16, but I will.

Sam:
Dean? You all right?

Dean:
The wishes turn bad, Sam. The wishes turn very bad.

[on chalkboard]:
Life is meaningless. Signed, T. Bear.

Sam:
Dean,wake up!

Dean:
What? I'm up. What?

Sam:
Sleep well?

Dean:
Yeah. Tan, rested, and ready.

Sam:
Dean, come on, man. You think I can't see it?

Dean:
See what?

Sam:
The nightmares, the drinking. I'm with you 24/7. I know something's going on.

Dean:
Sam, please.

Sam:
Uriel wasn't lying, but you are. You remember hell, don't you?

Dean:
What do you want from me, huh? What?

Sam:
The truth, Dean. I mean, I'm your brother. I-I just wish you'd talk to me.

Dean:
Careful what you wish for.

Sam:
Cute.

Dean:
Come on, can we stow the couples therapy, huh? We're on a job. I want to work. What do you got? Please?

Wesley:
Aren't you the guys from the Health Department?

Sam:
Yeah. And florists on the side.

Dean:
Plus FBI. And on Thursdays, we're teddy bear doctors.

Wesley:
"Be careful what you wish for." You know who says that? Good-looking jerks like you guys, the ones who've got it so easy because you happen to be handsome.

Sam and Dean:
Easy?

Wesley:
Yeah. Women -- Women look at you, right? They notice you.

Sam:
Believe us, we do not have it easy.

Dean:
We are miserable. We never get what we want. In fact, we have to fight tooth and nail just to keep whatever it is we got.

Sam:
But you know what? Maybe that's the whole point, Wes.

Dean:
Yeah, people are people 'cause they're miserable bastards, 'cause they never get what they really want.

Sam:
Right, yeah, you get what you want, you get crazy.

Dean:
Just take a look at Michael Jackson, hmm? Or Hasselhoff.

Todd:
Kneel before Todd!!!!!

Wes:
Well, why can't we just get what we want?!

Sam:
Because that's life, Wes.

Dean:
Okay, man, no more! No more, okay? I wouldn't mess with this kid any more if I were you.

Dean:
You were right. I shouldn't have lied to you. I do remember everything that happened to me in the pit. Everything.

Sam:
So, tell me about it.

Dean:
No. I won't lie anymore, but I'm not going to talk about it.

Sam:
Dean, look, you can't just shoulder this thing alone. You gotta let me help.

Dean:
How? Do you really think that a little heart-to-heart, some sharing and caring, is gonna change anything? Hmm? Somehow... heal me? I'm not talking about a bad day here.

Sam:
I know that.

Dean:
The things that I saw... there aren't words. There is no forgetting. There's no making it better. Because it is right here... Forever. You wouldn't understand. And I could never make you understand. So I am sorry.

Sam:
You're not pissed we're going after the girl, you're pissed Ruby threw us the tip.

Dean:
Right, 'cause as far as you're concerned that Hell-bitch is practically family. Boy, something major must have happened while I was downstairs, 'cause I come back and you're-and you're BFF with a demon?

Sam:
I told you, Dean, she helped me go after Lilith.

Dean:
Well thanks for the thumbnail. Real vivid. You want to fill in a little detail?

Sam:
Sure Dean, let's trade stories. You first: how was hell?

Sam:
I don't want 10 years. I don't want one year. I don't want candy! I want to trade places with Dean.

Crossroads Demon:
No.

Sam:
Just take me! It's a fair trade!

Crossroads Demon:
No!

Sam:
Why not? Lilith wants me dead. Just let Dean go, and she can have me.

Crossroads Demon:
Don't you understand, Sam? It's not about your soul. Dean's in hell, right where we want him. We've got everything exactly the way we want it. You want to kill me? Go ahead. I've made peace with my lord.

Dean:
That's Revelations.

Anna's Doctor:
Since when does the Book of Revelations have jack-o-lanterns?

Dean:
It's,a uh… a little-known translation.

Anna:
(to Dean) It's really you. Oh my God. The angels talk about you. You were in Hell but Castiel pulled you out and some of them think you can help save us. (to Sam) And some of them don't like you at all.

Anna:
First words I heard, clear as a bell: "Dean Winchester is saved."

Alastair:
Hello again, Dean. Don't you recognize me? Oh, I forgot, I'm wearing a pediatrician. But we were so close...in Hell.

Dean:
Alastair?

(Ruby enters a body that has just been disconnected from air in the hospital.)

Ruby:
Who do I have to kill to get some french fries around here?

Sam (is cleaning a gun. Someone knocks on the door. He grabs a shotgun and opens the door, revealing Ruby possessing the coma girl. She holds up a piece of paper)

Ruby:
Proof. This body is 100% socially conscious. I recycle. Al Gore would be proud.

Sam:
You grabbed a coma patient?

Ruby:
You didn't want me to take a body with someone in it, and I made sure that the spirit was gone. Apartment was empty. You happy?

Sam:
Why are you here?

Ruby:
I can't bring Dean back. But I can get you something else that you want.

Sam:
And, uh... what's that?

Ruby:
Lilith.

Sam:
You want me to use my psychic whatever.

Ruby:
Look, I know that it spooks you...

Sam:
Skip the speech. I'm ready. Let's go.

Ruby:
Slow down there, cowboy.

Sa,:
Just tell me what I have to do.

Ruby:
Look, Lilith is one scary bitch. When I was in the Pit, there was talk. She's cooking up something big -- apocalyptic big.

Sam:
So let's kill her.

Ruby:
You want to go in there and half-ass it like before? We have the time to get it right. Let's get it right.

Sam:
Okay. What do you want from me?

Ruby:
Well, a little patience... and sobriety. Promise me that... and I will teach you everything I know.

(Dean interrupts Sam's story - right at the part where he's having sex with Ruby)

Dean:
Sam?

Sam:
Yeah?

Dean:
Too much information.

Sam:
Hey, I told you I was coming clean.

Dean:
Yeah, well, now I feel dirty. Okay, well, uh, brain-stabbing imagery aside... So far, all you've told me about is a manipulative bitch who, uh, screwed you, played mind games with you, and did everything in the book to get you to go bad.

Sam:
Yeah, well, there's more to the story.

Dean:
Just... Skip the nudity, please.

Sam:
Ruby?

Maid:
Okay, yeah, so I'm possessing this maid for a hot minute. Sue me.

Sam:
What about...

Maid:
Coma girl? Slowly rotting on the floor back at the cabin with Anna, so I've got to hurry back. See you when you get there. Go!

Dean:
I guess I...uh... you know?

Ruby:
What?

Dean:
I guess I owe you. For Sam, I just...you know

Ruby:
Don't strain yourself.

Dean:
Okay then. Is the moment over? Good, cause that was awkward.

Dean:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I know she's wiretapping your angel chats or whatever but that's no reason to gank her.

Uriel:
Don't worry. I'll kill her gentle.

Castiel:
She's far from innocent.

Uriel:
Give us the girl.

Dean:
Sorry. Get yourself another one. Try JDate.

Uriel:
Who's gonna stop us? You two? Or this demon whore? (grabs Ruby and throws her into a window)

Dean:
Iron walls drenched in salt. Demon's can't even touch the joint.

Ruby:
Which I find racist by the way.

Sam:
Where's Bobby?

Dean:
Ahh, Dominican. He said if we break anything we buy it.

Sam:
Is He working a job?

Dean:
God, I hope so. Otherwise, he's at hedonism in a banana hammock and a trucker cap.

Sam:
Now that's seared in my brain.

Sam:
She was convinced that he wasn't her real daddy.

Dean:
Who was? The plumber, hmmm? A little snake in the pipes?

Sam:
Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again. Look, Anna didn't say, she just kept repeating that this real father of hers was mad. Like very mad, like wanted to kill her mad.

Pamela:
Sam, is that you?

Sam:
I'm right here.

Pamela:
Oh. Know how I can tell? That perky little ass of yours. You could bounce a nickel off that thing.

Pamela:
You've been eyeing my rack. Don't sweat it kiddo, I've still got more senses than most.

Dean:
So, you just forgot you were God's little Power Ranger?

Anna:
The older I got, the longer I was human, yeah.

Ruby:
I don't think you all appreciate how completely screwed we are.

Dean:
That's another question why would you fall? Why would you want to be one of us?

Anna:
You don't mean that.

Dean:
I don't? A bunch of miserable bastards; I mean, eating, crapping, confused, afraid-

Anna:
I don't know, there's loyalty, forgiveness, love-

Dean:
Pain-

Anna:
Chocolate cake-

Dean:
Guilt-

Anna:
Sex.

Dean:
Yeah, you got me there.

Ruby:
What?

Dean:
Nothing. It's just… an angel and a demon, riding in the back seat. It's like the setup to a bad joke. Or a Penthouse Forum letter.

Sam:
Dude. Reality. Porn.

Dean:
You call this reality?

(Anna kisses Dean)

Dean:
What was that for?

Anna:
You know ... my last night on Earth ... all that.

Dean:
You're stealing my best line.

Uriel:
Look at that. It's so cute when monkeys wear clothes.

Dean:
Don't normally see you off leash. Where's your boss?

Uriel:
Castiel? Well, he's, uh, he's not here. You see, he has this weakness. He likes you.

Uriel:
You cut yourself a slice of... angel food cake. Didn't you? Huh? You did.

Uriel:
How dare you come in this room... you pussing sore?

Alastair:
Name-calling. That hurt my feelings... you sanctimonious, fanatical prick.

Dean:
Well, what are you guys waiting for? Go get Anna... Unless, of course, you're scared.

Uriel:
This isn't over.

Dean:
Oh, it looks over to me, junkless.

Dean:
I know you heard him.

Sam:
Who?

Dean:
Alastair. What he said... About how I had promise.

Sam:
I heard him.

Dean:
You're not curious?

Sam:
Dean, I'm damn curious. But you're not talking about hell, and I'm not pushing.

Dean:
It wasn't four months, you know.

Sam:
What?

Dean:
It was four months up here, but down there... I don't know. Time's different. It was more like 40 years.

Sam:
Oh, my God.

Dean:
They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore me in ways that you... until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... Like magic... Just so they could start in all over. And Alastair... At the end of every day... every one... He would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack... If I put souls on...if I started the torture. And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines. For 30 years, I told him. But then I couldn't do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls. The... the things that I did to them.

Sam:
Dean... Dean, look, you held out for 30 years. That's longer than anyone would have.

Dean:
How I feel... This... inside me... I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing.

Sam:
What are you doing?

Dean:
What's it look like I'm doing?

Sam:
Like you're looking for a job.

Dean:
Yahtzee.

Dean:
Boy, three bedrooms, two baths, and one homicide. This place is gonna sell like hotcakes.

Sam:
It's probably a dumbwaiter. All these old houses had them.

Dean:
Know-It-All.

Sam:
What?

Dean:
What?

Sam:
You said...

Dean:
What?

Sam:
Never mind.

Dean:
Well, that's super disturbing.

Sam:
Think it got left behind?

Dean:
By who? Unless Bill Gibson likes to play with doll heads.

Kate:
Did anyone bother to check if we get a signal out here?

Brian:
Actually I did Kate, but we decided to move anyway just to ruin your life.

Kate:
Another motel? Awesome Dad. I hope this one has hooker sheets like the last one.

(seeing the family in the haunted house)

Dean:
Crap! So, what now?

Sam:
We could tell them the truth.

Dean:
Really?

Sam:
No, not really.

Kate:
I just got molested by Casper the Pervy ghost! That's what happened!

Dean:
What kind of ghost messes with a man's wheels?!?

Danny:
You hunt ghosts?

Dean:
That's right.

Danny:
Like Scooby-Doo?

Dean:
Better.

Dean:
Please nobody grab my leg, please nobody grab my leg!

Sam:
You were in Hell, Dean. But maybe you did what you did there... but you're not them. They were barely human.

Dean:
No, you're right. I wasn't like them. I was worse. They were animals, Sam. Defending territory. Me? I did it for the sheer pleasure.

Sam:
What?

Dean:
I enjoyed it, Sam. They took me off the rack, and I tortured souls, and I liked it. All those years; all that pain. Finally getting to deal some out yourself... I didn't care who they put in front of me, because that-that pain I felt, it just slipped away. No matter how many people I save, I can't change that. I can't fill this hole. Not ever.

Charlie:
Is he wearing eye-liner?

Vernon:
Can't tell. I'm blinded by all the sterling silver.

Charlie and Vernon:
What a douchebag.

Vernon:
Oh, come on Jay, his misdirect is shaking his ass like an Eighth Avenue hooker.

Jay:
Ah, who cares if it kills me? At least I'll go out with a headline.

Dean:
What a douchebag.

Sam:
That's Jeb Dexter.

Dean:
I don't even want to know how you know that.

Sam:
He's famous, kind of.

Dean:
For what, douchebaggery?

Dean:
I can't believe people actually fall for that crap.

Sam:
It's not all crap.

Dean:
What part of that was not a steaming pile of B.S.?

Sam:
Okay, that was crap but that's not all magicians. It takes skill.

Dean:
Oh, right, right, I forgot, you were actually into this stuff, weren't you? I mean, you had like a deck of cards and a wand?

Sam:
Dude, I was thirteen. It was a phase.

Vernon:
What a douchebag.

Dean:
Couldn't agree more.

Chief:
You are really gonna get it tonight, big boy.

Dean:
There's been a misunderstanding. I, uh, think I've been had.

Chief:
Oh, you ain't been had, till you been had by the Chief. Oh, and before we get started, what's your safe word?

Sam:
What are you doing here, Ruby?

Ruby:
I should be asking you the same thing.

Sam:
I'm working a job.

Ruby:
The whole world's about to be engulfed in hellfire, and you're here in Magictown, U.S.A.

Sam:
You got something against magic?

Dean:
Find anything interesting?

Sam:
What? No. You?

Dean:
Nothin' I wanna talk about...or think about ever again.

Dean:
The Chief, huh?

Charlie:
What's the matter? Chief not your type?

Dean:
Y'know, I could have you both arrested for obstruction of justice.

Vernon:
How? You're no Fed.

Charlie:
We con people for a living, son. Takes more than a fake badge to get past us.

Dean:
You got us. Yeah, we-we are actually...aspiring magicians.

Sam:
Yeah, we-we came to the convention 'cos we thought we could learn somethin'.

Dean:
Yeah, get some ideas for our new show.

Vernon:
Oooh, what kinda show?

Dean:
It's-it's, ah...

Sam:
It's a brother act.

Dean:
Yeah! Yeah, you know with rings and doves and...rings.

Sam:
Do you think we will?

Dean:
What?

Sam:
Die before we get old.

Dean:
Haven't we both already?

Sam:
You know what I mean, Dean. I mean, do you think we'll still be chasing demons when we're 60.

Dean:
No. I think we'll be dead. For good. Why, do you want to end up like... like Travis? Or Gordon, maybe?

Sam:
There's Bobby.

Dean:
Oh yeah, there's a poster child for growing old gracefully.

Sam:
I just wish there was a way we could go after the source, that's all. Cut the head off the snake.

Dean:
Well the problem with the snake is that it has a thousand heads. Evil bitches just keep piling out of the Volkswagen.

Dean:
Yeah, it's time we had a little chat with Jay. Any luck tailin' him?

Sam:
He slipped me.

Dean:
He's a sixty-year-old.

Sam:
He's a magician.

Sam:
Wow, it's like a magic museum.

Dean:
You must be in heaven.

Dean:
I ain't Steve Guttenberg and this ain't Cocoon.

Jay:
Charlie was like my brother and now he's dead because I did the right thing. He offered me a gift and I just threw it back in his face, so now I have to spend the rest of my life old and alone. What's so right about that?

Dean:
Today you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest games ever invented. A game of skill, agility, cunning. A game with one simple rule. Dodge.

Sam:
Having fun?

Dean:
The whistle makes me their god.

Sam:
Right. Nice shorts.

Dean:
I had to, uh, break into the principal's office to get this. Oh, and, uh, FYI, three of the cheerleaders are legal. Guess which ones.

Sam:
No.

Young Dean:
That kid's dead.

Young Sam:
Dean.

Young Dean:
I'm gonna rip his lungs out!

Young Sam:
It's not a big deal.

Young Dean:
Not a big deal? Sammy, look at yourself. If Dad was here...

Young Sam:
He's not.

Young Dean:
Well, I am. And as soon as I'm finished with that dick...

Young Sam:
Just shut up, okay? I don't need your help.

Young Dean:
That's right, you don't. You could've torn him apart, so why didn't you?

Young Sam:
Because I don't wanna be the freak for once, Dean. I wanna be normal.

Young Sam:
Any word from Dad?

Young Dean:
He called this morning, says it's going to be another week, at least. We weren't supposed to be here this long.

Young Sam:
At least you got Amanda. She's cool.

Young Dean:
Dude, she wants me to meet her parents. I don't do parents.

Mr. Wyatt:
Do you want to go into the family business, Sam?

Young Sam:
No one's ever asked me that before.

Mr. Wyatt:
Well?

Young Sam:
More than anything, no.

Dean:
That ghost is dead. I'm gonna rip its lungs out! ...Well, you know what I mean.

Dean:
Go have your Robin Williams "O Captain! My Captain!" moment.

Dean:
Ghost getting creative--well, that's super.

Dean:
All right, everybody stay where you are. You'll be okay.

Jock on Bus:
Aren't you the P.E. teacher?

Dean:
Not really. I'm like 21 Jump Street. The bus driver sells pot. Yeah.

(an athlete collapses on top of Sam)

Sam:
Little help.

Dean:
He's giving you the full cowgirl.

Mr. Benson:
Her name was... Jasmine.

Sam:
She was a stripper?

Dean:
Dude, her name was Jasmine.

Sam:
Rough night?

Dr. Cara Roberts:
Fun night. Rough morning.

Dean:
(to Sam) Dude, you totally c-blocked me.

Sam:
You seem pretty cheery.

Dean:
Strippers, Sammy. Strippers! We are on an actual case involving strippers. Finally!

Sam:
I just talked to Bobby. We officially have a theory.

Dean:
What's that?

Sam:
Siren.

Dean:
Like Greek myth siren? The Odyssey? Hey, I read.

Sam:
What do you think? She infects the men during sex?

Bobby:
Maybe.

Dean:
Supernatural STD.

Dean:
What the hell am I supposed to do with him?

Sam:
Just take him to the strip club, keep an eye out for the siren. Come on, Dean. Just, just focus on the naked girls. You'll forget he's even there.

Dean:
I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for the girls.

Dean:
You know, for a Fed you're not a total dick.

Nick:
Aren't we both Feds?

Dean:
Yeah, I know, I just... y'know, not a lot of Feds as cool as us, huh?

Cara:
Haven't you ever been in a relationship where you really loved somebody and still kinda wanted to bash their head in?

Dean:
Did you sleep with her?

Sam:
No?

Dean:
Holy crap, you did. Middle of Basic Instinct and you bang Sharon Stone? Sam, you could be under her spell right now.

Sam:
Dude, I'm not under her spell

Dean:
Unbelievable, man, I just don't get it.

Sam:
What?

Dean:
Nothing.

Sam:
No, say it.

Dean:
Nah, it's just first it's Madison and then Ruby and now Cara. It's like what is it with you and bangin' monsters?

Nick:
Dean's all mine.

Sam:
You poisoned him.

Nick:
Nah, I gave him what he needed. And it wasn't some bitch in a G-string. It was you. A little brother that looked up to him. That he could trust. And now he loves me, he'd do anything for me.

Dean:
Well, I dunno when it happened. Maybe when I was in Hell. Maybe when I was starin' right at you. But the Sam I knew; he's gone.

Sam:
That so.

Dean:
And it's not the demon blood or the psychic crap...it's the little stuff. The lies. The secrets.

Sam:
Oh yeah, what secrets?

Dean:
Your phone calls to Ruby, for one.

Sam:
So I need your say-so to make a phone call?

Dean:
That's the point. You're hiding things from me. What else aren't you telling me?

Sam:
None of your business.

Dean:
See what I mean? We used to be in this together. We used to have each other's backs!

Sam:
Okay, fine, you wanna know why I didn't tell you about Ruby? And how we're hunting down Lilith? Because you're too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back. I'm a better hunter than you are. Stronger, smarter; I can take out demons you're too scared to go near.

Dean:
That's crap.

Sam:
You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, whining about all the souls you tortured in Hell, boo-hoo... You're not standin' in my way, anymore!

Sam:
Dean, look, you know I didn't mean the things I said back there, right? That it was just the Sirens spell talking?

Dean:
Of course, me too.

Sam:
Okay. So... so we're good?

Dean:
Yeah, we're good.

Sam:
What?

Dean:
This job is jacked that's what.

Sam:
How so?

Dean:
You want me to gank a monster or torch a corpse, hey, lets light it up, right? Bu- But this? If we fix whatever this is people are going to start dropping dead. Good people.

Sam:
Look, I-I don't want them to die either Dean, but there's a... natural order.

Dean:
You're kidding right?

Sam:
What?

Dead:
You don't see the irony in that? I mean, you and me, we're like the poster boys of the unnatural order. All we do is ditch death.

Sam:
Yeah but the normal rules don't really apply to us. Do they?

Dean :
We're no different than anybody else.

Sam :
I'm infected with demon blood. You've been to Hell. Look, I know you want to think of yourself as Joe the Plumber, Dean, but you're not. Neither am I. The sooner you accept that the better off you're gonna be.

Dean:
Joe the Plumber was a douche.

Alastair:
You're stronger, Sam. You've been soloflexing with your little slut.

Sam:
You have no idea.

Sam:
How you doing?

Dean:
I'm in pain that's how I'm doing. I think I have a concussion.

Sam:
You want some aspirin?

Dean:
No thanks, House.

Dean:
Well, how come he couldn't fling you? He chucked you pretty good last time.

Sam:
Got no idea.

Dean:
Sam, do me a favor. If you're gonna keep your little secrets, I can't really stop you, but just don't treat me like I'm an idiot, okay?

Sam:
What? Dean, I'm not keeping secrets.

Sam:
Dean, reapers are invisible, the only people who can see them are the dead and the dying.

Dean:
Well if ghosts are the only ones that can see them...

Sam:
Yeah?

Dean:
Then we become ghosts.

Sam:
You do have a concussion.

Dean:
Sounds crazy. I know.

Sam:
It is crazy.

Pamela:
I can't even begin to tell you how crazy you two are.

Sam:
Well, Pamela, you are a sight for sore eyes.

Pamela:
Ah, that's sweet Grumpy. What do you say to deaf people?

Pamela:
Tell me something, geniuses. Even if you do break into the Veil and you find the Reaper, how you going to save it?

Dean:
With style and class.

Dean:
I'm so feeling up Demi Moore.

Dean:
(as a ghost, sticking his hand in Sam) Am I making you uncomfortable?

Sam:
Get out of me.

Dean:
You're such a prude. Come on.

Cole:
Yeah. Thanks, Haley Joel, I know I'm dead.

Tessa:
You don't remember me?

Dean:
Honestly, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a girl say that...

Dean:
How the hell are we supposed to fight that?

Sam:
I don't know. Learn some ghost moves?

Dean:
By tonight? Yeah, sure. I'll meet you back at Mr. Miyagi's.

Cole:
Who's Mr. Miyagi?

Dean:
Dude! You are so Amityville!

Sam:
Dude, I'm not gonna do Fight Club with a 12-year-old.

Sam:
Go to Hell.

Alastair:
Oh, if only I could. But they just keep sending me back up to this Arctic craphole.

Dean:
What the hell?

Castiel:
Guess again.

Uriel:
Now, you mind your tone with me.

Dean:
No, you mind your damn tone with us.

Sam:
We just got back from Pamela's funeral.

Dean:
Pamela, you know, psychic Pamela? You remember her. Cas, you remember her. You-you burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times!

Dean:
I want to talk to Cas alone.

Uriel:
I think I'll go seek... revelation. We might have some further orders.

Dean:
Well, get some doughnuts while you're out.

Uriel:
Ah, this one, just won't quit, will he? I think I'm starting to like you boy. [Uriel disappears]

Dean:
You guys don't walk enough. You're gonna get flabby. You know, I'm starting to think Junkless has a better sense of humor that you do.

Castiel:
Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone.

Dean:
What's goin' on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?

Castiel:
My superiors have begun to question my sympathies.

Dean:
Your sympathies?

Castiel:
I was getting to close to the humans in my charge: you. They feel I've begun to express emotions; doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgement.

Dean:
Well, tell Uriel, or whoever, you do not want me doing this. Trust me.

Castiel:
Want it, no. But I've been told we need it.

Dean:
You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out.

Castiel:
For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.

Alastair:
[singing:] Heaven. I'm in heaven. And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak. And I seem to find the happiness I seek when we're out together and dancing cheek to cheek. [laughing] I'm sorry. This is a very serious, very emotional situation for you. I shouldn't laugh, it's just that, I mean, are they serious? They sent you to torture me?

Dean:
You've got one chance. One. Tell me who's killing the angels. I want a name.

Alastair:
You think I'll see all your scary toys and spill my guts?

Dean:
Oh, you'll spill your guts one way or another. I just didn't want to ruin my shoes. Now answer the question.

Alastair:
Or what? You'll work me over? But then, maybe, you don't want to. Maybe, you're a little scared to.

Dean:
I'm here, aren't I?

Alastair:
Not entirely. You left part of yourself back in the Pit. Let's see if we can get the two of you back together again, shall we?

Dean:
You're gonna be disappointed.

Alastair:
You have not disappointed me so far. Come on, you've gotta want a little payback for everything I did to you, for all the pokes and prods. No? Well, how about for all the things I did to your daddy?

Alastair:
I had your pop on my rack for close to a century.

Dean:
You can't stall forever.

Alastair:
John Winchester made quite a name for himself. A hundred years. After each session I'd... I'd make him the same offer I made you: I'd put down my blade if he picked one up...

Dean:
Just give me the demon's name, Alastair.

Alastair:
... but he said nein, each and every time... Damned if I couldn't break him. Pulled out all the stops. But John, he was made of something unique, the stuff of heroes. And then came Dean. Dean Winchester. I thought I was up against it again. But, daddy's little girl, he broke. He broke in thirty. Ah, just not the man your daddy wanted you to be, huh, Dean? No. Now we're getting somewhere. Holy water? Come on. Grasshopper, you're gonna have to get creative to impress me.

Dean:
You know something, Alastair? I could still dream, even in Hell. And over and over and over, you know what I dreamt? I dreamt of this moment. And believe me... I've got a few ideas. Let's get started.

Alastair:
Go directly to Hell. Do not pass 'Go', do not collect two hundred dollars.

Alastair:
I carved you into a new animal, Dean. There is no going back.

Dean:
Maybe you're right. But now it's my turn to carve. (twists the knife.)

Anna:
Why are you letting Dean do this?

Castiel:
He's doing God's work.

Anna:
Torturing? That's God's work? Stop him, Cas. Please. Before you ruin the one real weapon you have.

Castiel:
Who are we to question the will of God?

Anna:
Unless this isn't His will.

Castiel:
Then where do the orders come from?

Anna:
I don't know. One of our superiors maybe. But not Him.

Anna:
The Father you love, you think He wants this? You think He'd ask this of you? You think this is righteous? What you're feeling, it's called doubt. These orders are wrong and you know it. But you can do the right thing. You're afraid, Cas. I was too. [places her hand on top of his] But, together we can s-

Castiel:
Together? [removes his hand from under hers] I am nothing like you. You fell. Go.

Anna:
Cas...

Castiel:
Go.

Alastair:
Sorry. Something caught in my throat...I think it's my throat.

Alastair:
You know, it was supposed to be your father. He was supposed to bring it on. But in the end, it was you.

Dean:
Bring what on?

Alastair:
Every night, the same offer, remember? Same as your father, and finally you said sign me up. Oh, the first time you picked up my razor, the first time you sliced into that weeping bitch. That was the first seal.

Dean:
You're lying.

Alastair:
"And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in hell. As he breaks, so shall it break." We had to break the first seal before any others, only way to get the dominoes to fall, right? Top of the one at the front of the line. When we win, when we bring on the Apocalypse and burn this earth down, we'll owe it all to you, Dean Winchester. Believe me, son, I wouldn't lie about that. It's kind of a religious sort of thing, I think.

Dean:
No, I don't think you are lying. But even if the demons do win, you won't be there to see it.

Alastair:
You've got a lot to learn, boy. So I'll see you back in class, bright and early, Monday morning.

Alastair:
Lilith is not behind this. She wouldn't kill seven angels. She'd kill a hundred, a thousand. Oh, go ahead. Send me back. If you can.

Sam:
I'm stronger than that now. Now I can kill. [uses his power to kill Alastair]

Castiel:
Lucifer is not God.

Uriel:
God isn't God any more.

Castiel:
You can't win, Uriel. I still serve God.

Uriel:
You haven't even met the man. [punches Castiel between each sentence] There is no will. No wrath. No God. [suddenly a blade emerges from his throat]

Anna:
Maybe, maybe not. But there's still me. [removes the blade and Uriel dies in a burst of bright light leaving his wings seared into the floor]

Castiel:
Are you alright?

Dean:
No thanks to you.

Castiel:
You need to be more careful.

Dean:
You need to learn how to manage a damn Devil's Trap.

Castiel:
That's not what I mean. Uriel is dead.

Dean:
Was it the demons?

Castiel:
It was disobedience. He was workin' against us.

Dean:
Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?

Castiel:
Yes. When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to Hell. And we fought our way to get to you before you -

Dean:
Jump-started the apocalypse.

Castiel:
We were too late.

Dean:
Why didn't you just leave me there then?

Castiel:
It's not blame that falls on you, Dean. It's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it.

Dean:
Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me you son-of-a-bitch. What does that mean?

Castiel:
I don't know.

Dean:
Bull!

Castiel:
I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you.

Dean:
Well, then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not all here, I'm not st-I'm not strong enough. Well, I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me.

Ian:
What do you think of, uh, Mimi?

Sam:
She's okay.

Ian:
Might have to hit that.

Sam:
Oh, dude, that's totally age inappropriate.

Ian:
Experience.

Sam:
Eh...Trifocals.

Sam:
Can I ask you a question?

Dean:
Look, man, I told you, I'm not into the, uh...

Sam:
Oh dude, come on, I'm not either. I just wanna ask you one question.

Sam:
I just can't shake this feeling like I... like I don't belong here. You know what I mean? Like I should do something more than sit in a cubicle.

Dean:
I think most people who work in a cubicle feel that same way.

Dean:
We do what I do best, Sammy. Research.

Sam:
Okay. Did you just call me "Sammy"?

Dean:
Did I?

Sam:
I think you did. Yeah. Don't.

Ed Zeddemore:
We know why you're watching.

Harry Spengler:
You've got a problem.

Ed:
A ghost problem.

Harry:
A ghost related problem. A ghost, it's like a ghost adjacent pro- it's like a problem that's ghost-

Ed:
Whatever.

Ed:
First, salt; it's like acid to ghosts.

Harry:
Burny acid.

Ed:
Not LSD.

Harry:
No, it's a bad trip for ghosts.

Ed:
Next little trick, we learnt this from those... useless douchebags...

Harry:
That we hate...

Ed:
...The Winchesters. Gun.

Harry:
Shotgun shell.

Ed:
Pack it up with fresh rock salt. Very effective.

Harry:
... very effective.

Ed:
Winchesters still suck ass though.

Harry:
Affirmative. Suckage major.

Harry:
The aforementioned super annoying Winchester douchnozels also taught us this one other thing.

Ed:
You have to burn the remains. Okay, this next part gets a little gross. Sometimes you might have to dig up the body. Sorry.

Harry:
It's illegal in some states.

Ed:
All states.

Harry:
Possibly all states.

Ed:
Fight well, young lions.

Dean:
Details are everything! You don't want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance.

Zachariah:
You should see my découpage.

Dean:
[brief pause] Gross... no, thank you.

Zachariah:
Real place, real haunting. Just plunked you in the middle without the benefit of your memories.

Dean:
Just to shake things up? Hmm? So you guys can have fun watching us run around like assclowns in monkey suits!?

Zachariah:
To prove to you that the path you're on is truly in your blood. You're a Hunter. Not because your dad made you, not because God called you back from Hell, but because it is what you are and you love it, you'll find you to it in the dark every single time and you're miserable without it. Dean, let's be real here. You're good at this.

Zachariah:
You'll do everything you're destined to do, all of it. But I know, I know, you're not strong enough, you're scared, you got daddy issues, you can't do it, right?

Dean:
Angel or not, I will stab you in your face.

Zachariah:
All I'm saying is, it's how you look at it. Most folks live and die without moving anything more than the dirt it takes to bury them. You get to change things, save people, maybe even the world. All the while you drive a classic car and fornicate with women. This isn't a curse, it's a gift. So for God's sakes, Dean, quit whining about it. Look around: there are plenty of fates worse than yours. So you with me? You want to go steam yourself another latte, or are you ready to stand up and be who you really are?

Dean:
(reading a Supernatural book) This is freakin' insane. How's this guy know all this stuff?

Sam:
You got me.

Dean:
Everything is in here, I mean everything, from the racist truck to-to me having sex. I'm full frontal in here, dude.

Dean:
There's Sam girls and Dean girls. And what's a slash fan?

Sam:
As in... Sam slash Dean. Together.

Dean:
Like... together together?

Sam:
Yeah.

Dean:
They do know we're brothers, right?

Sam:
Doesn't seem to matter.

Dean:
Ah, come on. That... that's just sick.

Sam:
Well, we're hoping that our article can... shine a light on an under-appreciated series.

Sera:
Yeah! Yeah, I mean, because, you know, if we got a little bit of good press, then maybe we could start publishing again!

Dean:
No, no, no. God no. I mean, why, why would you want to do that? You know, it's uh...such a complete series. What with Dean going to Hell and all.

Sera:
Oh my God, that was one of my favorite ones because Dean was so... strong and sad and brave. And Sam... oh, I mean the best parts are when they cry, you know, like in... in "Heart." When Sam had to kill Madison, the first woman since Jessica he really loved. And in "Home," when Dean had to call John and ask him for help. If only real men were so open and in touch with their feelings.

Dean:
Real men?

Sera:
Oh... I mean, no offense. How often do you cry like that, hmm?

Dean:
Well, right now I'm crying on the inside.

Sera:
Is that supposed to be funny?

Dean:
Lady, this whole thing is funny.

Chuck:
Look, uh, I appreciate your enthusiasm. Really, I do. It's-it's always nice to hear from fans. But for your own good I strongly suggest you get a life.

Chuck:
... Oh, you're still there.

Dean:
Yup.

Chuck:
You're not a hallucination.

Dean:
Nope.

Chuck:
Well... there's only one explanation. Obviously, I'm a God.

Sam:
We think you're probably just psychic.

Chuck:
No. If I were psychic, you think I'd be writing? Writing is hard.

Dean:
I'm sitting in a laundromat, reading about myself sitting in a laundromat, reading about myself. My head hurts.

Sam:
There's gotta be something this guy's not telling us.

Dean:
[reading] "Sam tossed his gigantic darks into the machine. He was starting to have doubts about Chuck, about whether he was telling the whole truth."

Sam:
Stop it.

Dean:
[reading] "'Stop it,' Sam said." Guess what you do next.

Sam:
[turns away from Dean]

Dean:
'[reading] "Sam turned his back on Dean, his face brooding and pensive." I mean, I dunno how he's doing it, but this guy is doing it. I can't see your face, but those're definitely your brooding and pensive shoulders.

Sam:
.....

Dean:
[glances down at Chuck's writings] ... you just thought I was a dick.

Sam:
[turns back to Dean] Guy's good.

Dean:
It frustrates me when you say such reckless things.

Sam:
Well, it frustrates me when you'd rather hide than fight.

Dean:
Oh my God! This is delicious! Tofu is amazing!

Waitress:
I am so sorry! I gave you the bacon cheeseburger by mistake.

Dean:
Behave yourself, would you? No homework. Watch some porn.

Chuck:
Dean.

Dean:
I take it you knew I'd be here.

Chuck:
You look terrible.

Dean:
It's because I just got hit by a minivan, Chuck.

Chuck:
Oh.

Dean:
That it? Every damn thing you write about me comes true, that's all you have to say is "oh"?!

Castiel:
(commandingly) Dean, let him go! This man is to be protected.

Dean:
Why?

Castiel:
He's a prophet of the Lord.

Chuck:
You... you're Castiel. Aren't you?

Castiel:
It's an honor to meet you, Chuck. I admire your work.

Dean:
Whoa whoa whoa. What, this guy, a prophet? Come on! He's practically a penthouse forum writer! (to Chuck) Did you know about this?

Chuck:
I uh - I might have dreamt about it.

Dean:
And you didn't tell us?

Chuck:
It was too preposterous. Not to mention arrogant; I mean writing yourself into the story is one thing, but as a prophet? That's like M. Night-level douchiness.

Dean:
(to Castiel) This is the guy who decides our fate?

Castiel:
He isn't deciding anything. He's a mouthpiece, a conduit for the inspired word.

Dean:
The word? The word of God? What, like the New New Testament?

Castiel:
One day, these books, they'll be known as the Winchester Gospel.

Dean & Chuck:
You gotta be kidding me.

Dean:
Him? Really?

Castiel:
You should've seen Luke...

Dean:
Why'd he get tapped?

Castiel:
I don't know how prophets are chosen. The order comes from high up on the celestial chain of command.

Dean:
How high?

Castiel:
Very.

Dean:
Well whatever. How do we get around this?

Castiel:
Around... what?

Dean:
This Sam-Lillith love connection! How do we stop it from happening?

Castiel:
What the prophet has written can't be unwritten. As he has seen it, so it shall come to pass.

Sam:
You think I'll do it, don't you? You think I'll go darkside.

Dean:
Yes! Okay? Yes. The way you've been acting lately! The things you've been doing! Oh, I know. How you ripped Alistair apart like it was nothing, like you were swatting a fly. Cas told me, okay?

Sam:
... What else did he tell you?

Dean:
Nothing I don't already know. That you've been using your psychic crap and you've been getting stronger, we just don't know why, we don't know how.

Sam:
It's not what you think...

Dean:
Then what is it, Sam?! 'Cause I'm at a total loss!

Dean:
Well, I feel stupid doing this, but... I am fresh out of options. So please. I need some help. I'm praying, okay? Now come on! Please.

Castiel:
Prayer is a sign of faith. This is a good thing, Dean.

Dean:
So does that mean you'll help me?

Castiel:
I'm not sure what I can do.

Dean:
Drag Sam out of here now, before Lillith shows up!

Castiel:
It's a prophecy. I can't interfere.

Dean:
You have tested me, and thrown me every which way. And I have never asked for anything. Not a damn thing. But now I'm asking. I need your help. Please.

Castiel:
What you're asking, it's not within my power to do.

Dean:
Why, cause it's divine prophecy?

Castiel:
Yes.

Dean:
So what, we're just supposed to sit around and-and wait for it to happen?

Castiel:
I'm sorry.

Dean:
Screw you. You and your mission. Your God. If you don't help me now, then when the time comes and you need me? Don't bother knocking.

Castiel:
Dean. Dean!

Dean:
What?

Castiel:
You must understand why I can't intercede. Prophets are very special, they're protected.

Dean:
I get that.

Castiel:
If anything threatens a prophet, anything at all - an archangel will appear to destroy that threat. Archangels are fierce. They're absolute. They're Heaven's most terrifying weapon.

Dean:
And these archangels, they're tied to prophets?

Castiel:
Yes.

Dean:
So if a prophet was in the same room as a demon...

Castiel:
Then the most fearsome wrath of Heaven would rain down on that demon. Just so you understand... why I can't help.

Dean:
Thanks, Cas.

Castiel:
Good luck.

Chuck:
What're you doing here? I didn't write this.

Dean:
Come on, I need you to come with me.

Chuck:
What? Where?

Dean:
To the motel where Sam is.

Chuck:
That's where Lilith is.

Dean:
Yeah, exactly, I need you to stop her.

Chuck:
Are you insane? Lilith?! I know what she's capable of, Dean. I wrote her.

Dean:
This isn't a story anymore, man! This is real! And you're in it. Now I need you to get off your ass, and fight. Come on Chuck.

Chuck:
... no friggin' way.

Dean:
Okay, well then how 'bout this? I've got a gun in my pocket, and if you don't come with me, I'll blow your brains out.

Chuck:
I thought you said I was protected by an Archangel.

Dean:
... interesting exercise. Let's see who the quicker draw is.

Chuck:
I am the prophet, Chuck!

Zachariah:
Did you see it?

Chuck:
Who are you?

Zachariah:
I'm Zachariah. You may know me from your work.

Chuck:
What do you want?

Zachariah:
Did you see it?

Chuck:
Is it true? Is all of that really going to happen?

Zachariah:
Have you been wrong so far?

Chuck:
I gotta warn Sam and Dean!

Zachariah:
I wouldn't advise it. People shouldn't know too much about their own destiny. You try, and I'll stop you. Where are you going?

Chuck:
To go kill myself.

Zachariah:
Don't be melodramatic, Chuck. We'd only bring you back to life.

Chuck:
What am I supposed to do?

Zachariah:
What you always do. Write.

Dean:
Now I'm thinking about dad sex, stop talking.

Sam:
Maybe he slipped one past the goalie.

Dean:
Dude!

Adam:
He's a mechanic, right?

Dean:
A car fell on him.

Adam:
Okay, so basically you're saying that every movie monster, every nightmare that I've ever had, that's all real.

Dean:
Godzilla's just a movie.

Adam:
How can I help?

Dean:
You can't.

Adam:
This thing killed my mom. If you're hunting it, I want in.

Dean:
No.

Sam:
Dean, look maybe...

Dean:
(interrupting) Maybe what?

Sam:
He lost his mother. Maybe we can understand what that feels like.

Dean:
Why do you think dad never told us about this kid, Sam, huh? Why do you think he ripped out the pages?

Sam:
Because...

Dean:
(interrupting) Because he was protecting him!

Sam:
Dad's dead, Dean.

Dean:
It doesn't matter! He didn't want Adam to have our lives, okay? And we're gonna respect his wishes.

Adam:
Do I get a say in this?

Dean and Sam (in unison):
No!

Graveyard Caretaker:
Tell me, Agent Nugent, have you thought about where you might like to spend eternity?

Dean:
All the damn time.

(Montage of Sam and Adam salting all the windows and boarding up all but one of the vents in Adam's house.)

Sam:
Alright, we've closed off every other way into the house. If this thing's coming, it's coming through here.

(Sound of front door creaking open.)

Adam:
You were saying?

Dean:
You know I finally get why you and dad butted heads so much. You two are practically the same person. I mean I worshiped the guy, y'know: I-I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listened to the same music. But you are more like him than I will ever be. I see that now.

Sam:
I'll take that as a compliment.

Dean:
You can take it any way you want.

Castiel:
We need to talk.

Dean:
I'm dreaming, aren't I?

Castiel:
It's not safe here... someplace more private.

Dean:
More private? We're inside my head.

Castiel:
Exactly. Someone could be listening.

Dean:
Cas, what's wrong?

Castiel:
Meet me here. Go now.

Dean:
Cas you okay?

Jimmy:
Castiel - I'm not Castiel. It's me.

Sam:
Who's me?

Jimmy:
Jimmy - my name's Jimmy.

Dean:
Where the hell is Castiel?

Jimmy:
He's gone.

Dean:
What were you doing anyway?

Sam:
I went for a Coke.

Dean:
Was it a refreshing Coke?

Dean:
You look terrific.

Anna:
Uh, yeah... Not the most appropriate time, Dean.

Claire:
Hi Daddy!

Jimmy:
Hi baby.

Amelia:
Okay, so we have turkey and roast beef... it better be okay, it's all we have.

Jimmy:
Oh it's fine. It's more than fine. Should we sit?

Amelia:
Yeah.

Jimmy:
It's perfect (picks up a sandwich)

Claire:
Daddy? Aren't you going to say grace?

Jimmy:
No honey, I don't think I am.

Claire:
Why are you crying?

Jimmy:
Because I'm happy.

Sam:
You have to come with us.

Jimmy:
How long? And don't give me that "cross that bridge when we get to it" crap.

Sam:
Don't you get it? Forever. The demons will never stop. You can never be with your family. So, you either get as far away from them as possible. Or you put a bullet in your head, And that's how you keep your family safe. But there's no getting out and there's no going home.

Dean:
Well don't sugarcoat it, Sam.

Sam:
I got a little dizzy.

Dean:
Look, you can call it whatever you want. Point is, you used to be strong enough to kill Alastair. Now you can't even kill Stunt Demon #3.

Sam:
What do you want me to say about it Dean?

Dean:
For starters, what's going on with your mojo? I mean it's yo-yoing all over the place. I'm not trying to pick a fight here, okay? I just-you're scaring me man.

Sam:
I'm scaring myself.

Jimmy:
Castiel you son of a bitch! You promised me my family would be okay, you promised you were gonna take care of them! I gave you everything you asked me to give, I gave you more! This is the thanks I get? This is what you do? This is your Heaven? Help me, please! You promised, Cas! Just help me!

Castiel/Claire:
Of course we keep our promises. Of course you have our gratitude. You served us well. Your work is done. It's time to go home now. Your real home. You'll rest forever in the fields of the Lord. Rest now, Jimmy.

Jimmy:
Claire!

Castiel/Claire:
She's with me now. She's chosen. It's in her blood. As it was in yours.

Jimmy:
Please, Castiel. You need to take me. Take me, please.

Castiel/Claire:
I want to make sure you understand. You won't die, or age. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred. A thousand more like it.

Jimmy:
It doesn't matter! You take me! Just take me.

Castiel/Claire:
As you wish.

Dean:
Cas, hold up. What were you gonna tell me?

Castiel:
I learned my lesson while I was away Dean. I serve Heaven, I don't serve man. And I certainly don't serve you.

Sam:
You saw what I did, come on, stop the car, take a swing!

Dean:
I'm not gonna take a swing.

Sam:
Then scream, chew me out!

(Bobby, Sam, and Dean are standing outside Bobby's panic room)

Bobby:
Go on inside, I want to show you something. (Sam walks in)

Sam:
Alright. So, uh, what's the big demon problem?

Bobby:
You are. This is for your own good (locks Sam inside the panic room).

Sam:
I'm not drinking the demon blood for kicks. I'm getting strong enough to kill Lilith.

Dean:
How long is this gonna go on?

Bobby:
Here, let me look it up in my demon-detox manual. Oh, wait. No one ever wrote one.

Young Sam:
The answer is yes, you're hallucinating. That's right, it's me, or I mean it's you

Sam:
I'm losing my mind.

Young Sam:
Definitely.

Sam:
What do you want?

Young Sam:
An explanation. How could you do this to me? I thought we were gonna be normal.

Sam:
I tried, I did. It didn't pan out that way. Sorry kid.

Young Sam:
Sorry kid, that's what you have to say? It's all we ever wanted. We were so close! You got away from dad, you quit hunting, you were gonna become a lawyer and get married. Why'd you blow it?

Sam:
Look, they killed Jessica.

Young Sam:
Yeah, and if you hadn't run off with Dean, if you had been there to protect her, she'd still be alive.

Sam:
I know.

Young Sam:
Think Jess would want you to turn into this? She loved you! You think she'd be happy, you using her as an excuse?

Sam:
I'm sorry, I am, but life doesn't turn out the way you thought it would when you were 14 years old. We were never gonna be normal, we were never gonna get away. Grow up.

Young Sam:
Maybe you're right, maybe there's, no escape. After all, how can you run from what's inside you? [eyes turn yellow]

Dean:
Cut the crap. You were gonna tell me something.

Castiel:
Nothing of import.

Dean:
You got ass-reamed in Heaven but it was not "of import"?

Castiel:
Get to the reason you really called me; it's about Sam, right?

Dean:
... Can he do it? Kill Lilith? Stop the Apocalypse?

Castiel:
Possibly, yes. But, as you know, he would have to take certain steps.

Dean:
Crank up the hell-blood regimen.

Castiel:
Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever; most likely he would become the next creature that you would feel compelled to kill.

Castiel:
[to Dean] Stand up, and accept your role. You are the one who will stop it.

Castiel:
Do you give yourself over wholly to the service of God and His angels?

Dean:
Yeah, exactly.

Castiel:
Say it.

Dean:
I give myself over wholly to serve God and you guys.

Bobby:
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but you willingly signed up to be the angels' bitch? I'm sorry. You prefer "sucker"?

(Sam unlocks the door to Bobby's car and sees Bobby standing behind him with a shot gun, Sam slowly stands)

Bobby:
(cocks shotgun) Uh-uh Sam, the only place you're going is back inside with me.

Sam:
No

Bobby:
Damn it, boy.

Sam:
You won't shoot me Bobby.

Bobby:
Don't test me.

Sam:
You won't do it. (walks forward until Bobbby's gun is pressed to his stomach) You can't do it.

Bobby:
We're trying to help you, Sam.

Sam:
(places one hand on the barrel of the gun and raises it to his heart) Then shoot.

Dean:
Yeah, well, I'll tell you one thing. At this point, I hope he's with Ruby.

Bobby:
Why?

Dean:
'Cause killing her is the next big item on my to-do list.

Bobby:
I thought you were on call for angel duty.

Dean:
I am on call, in my car, on my way to murder the bitch.

Sam:
Stop bossing me around, Dean! Look, my whole life you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now, I am asking you, for once, trust me.

Dean:
No. You don't know what you're doing, Sam.

Sam:
Yes, I do!

Dean:
Then that's worse!

Sam:
Why? Look I'm telling you-

Dean:
Because it's not something that you're doing, it's what you are! It means...

Sam:
What? No. Say it!

Dean:
It means you're a monster.

Sam:
You don't know me. You never did, and you never will.

Dean:
If you walk out that door, don't you ever come back.

Azazel:
I suppose some dumb bastard stood here, felt a jolt of his holy juice and thought "I'm going to build me a nun factory." Well, it was the right idea... wrong angel.

Dean:
I'm not even sure if he's still my brother any more. If he ever was.

Bobby:
You stupid stupid son of a bitch! Well boo hoo. I am so sorry your feelings are hurt... princess! Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good? Make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family.

Dean:
I told him "If you walk out that door, don't come back" and he walked out anyway .. that was his choice!

Bobby:
You sound like a whiny brat... No you sound like your dad. Well let me tell you something, your dad was a coward

Dean:
My dad was a lot of things, Bobby, but a coward.

Bobby:
He'd rather push Sam away then reach out to him... well that don't strike me as brave... you are a better man than your daddy ever was, so you do both of us a favor... don't be him

Dean:
How about this? The "Suite Life of Zach and Cas".

Zachariah:
Try a burger. They're your favorite. From that seaside shack in Delaware. You were eleven, I think.

Dean:
I'm not hungry.

Zachariah:
No? How about Ginger from Season 2 of Gilligan's Island? You do have a thing for her, don't you?

Dean:
Tempting. Weird.

Zachariah:
We'll throw in Mary Anne for free.

Dean:
Bail on the holodeck, okay? I want to know what the game plan is.

Zachariah:
Let us worry about that. We want you... focused, relaxed.

Dean:
Well, I'm about to be pissed and leaving, so start talking, Chuckles.

Zachariah:
We'll do our job, you just make sure you do yours.

Dean:
Yeah, and what is that, exactly? I'm supposed to be the one that stops her, how? With the knife?

Zachariah:
All in good time.

Dean:
Isn't now a good time?

Zachariah:
Have faith.

Dean:
What, in you? Give me one good reason why I should.

Zachariah:
Because you swore your obedience... so obey.

Sam:
Where's Lilith?

Demon:
I'm not scared of you.

Sam:
Yeah, you are, actually. And with good reason.

Demon:
Look... what's my upside? Okay, I tell you, you kill me. I don't tell you, you still kill me. I get away somehow, Lilith will definitely kill me. So where's my carrot?

Dean:
I'm still pissed, and I owe you a serious beatdown, but...I shouldn't have said what I said. I'm not dad. We're brothers, you know, we're family, and, uh, no matter how bad it gets, that doesn't change. Sammy, I'm sorry.

Ruby:
(referring to disemboweled nuns) What's black and white and red all over?

Castiel:
You asked to see me.

Dean:
Yeah, listen, I, uh, I need something.

Castiel:
Anything you wish.

Dean:
I need you to take me to see Sam.

Castiel:
Why?

Dean:
There's something I gotta talk to him about.

Castiel:
What's that?

Dean:
... The BM I took this morning, what's it to you? Just make it snappy.

Castiel:
I don't think that's wise.

Dean:
Well, I didn't ask you for your opinion.

Castiel:
Have you forgotten what happened the last time you met?

Dean:
No. That's the whole point. Listen, I'm gonna do whatever you mooks want, okay? I just need to tie up this one thing; five minutes, that's all I need.

Castiel:
... No.

Dean:
... What do you mean "no"? Are you saying that I'm trapped here?

Castiel:
You can go wherever you want.

Dean:
Super, I wanna go see Sam.

Castiel:
Except there.

Dean:
I wanna take a walk.

Castiel:
Fine, I'll go with you.

Dean:
Alone.

Castiel:
No.

Dean:
... You know what, screw this noise; I'm outta here.

Castiel:
Through what door?

Zachariah:
Quit hurling feces like a howler monkey, would you? It's unbecoming.

Zachariah:
Our grunts on the ground - we couldn't just tell them the whole truth. We'd have a full-scale rebellion on our hands. I mean, think about it. Would we really let 65 seals get broken unless senior management wanted it that way?

Zachariah:
The apocalypse. Poor name, bad marketing, puts people off, when all it is is Ali/Foreman. On a slightly larger scale.

Dean:
What happens to all the people during your little pissing contest?

Zachariah:
Well, can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. In this case, truckloads of eggs, but you get the picture.

Zachariah:
When you've won, your rewards will be unimaginable. Peace, happiness, two virgins and 70 sluts...

Dean:
Tell me something. Where's God in all this?

Zachariah:
God? God has left the building.

Castiel:
You can't reach him, Dean. You're outside your coverage zone.

Dean:
What're you gonna do to Sam?

Castiel:
Nothing. He's gonna do it to himself.

Dean:
What's that supposed to mean? Oh right, right. Better toe the company line. Why are you here, Cas?

Castiel:
We've been through much together, you and I; I just wanted to say I'm sorry it ended like this.

Dean:
Sorry? (Dean hits Castiel) It's Armageddon, Cas, you need a bigger word than "sorry."

Castiel:
Try to understand; this is long foretold, this is your--

Dean:
Destiny? Don't give me that "holy" crap. Destiny, God's plan... It's all a bunch of lies, you poor, stupid son of a bitch! It's just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line! You know what's real? People, families - that's real. And you're gonna watch them all burn?

Castiel:
What is so worth saving?! I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you, I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In Paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam.

Dean:
You can take your peace... and shove it up your lily-white ass. 'Cause I'll take the pain and the guilt. I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in Paradise. This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier; there is a right, and there is a wrong here, and you know it. Look at me! You know it! And you were gonna help me once, weren't you? You were gonna warn me about all this, before they dragged you back to Bible Camp. Help me, now. Please.

Castiel:
...What would you have me do?

Dean:
Get me to Sam, we can stop this before it's too late!

Castiel:
I do that, we will all be hunted! We'll all be killed!

Dean:
If there is anything worth dying for... this is it... (Castiel shakes his head) You spineless, soulless son of a bitch! What do you care about dying? You're already dead. We're done.

Castiel:
Dean.

Dean:
We're done.

Chuck:
(Speaking on the phone) Oh yeah? Really? At the same time? Really? Wow. That sounds... moist.

Woman:
(On the phone, laughs) Well, it can be.

Chuck:
What're your rates?

Woman:
We can get you one girl, one hour, one thousand.

Chuck:
... okay, then I'll take 20 girls, for the whole night.

Woman:
I'm... not sure you can afford that.

Chuck:
Lady, sometimes you gotta live like there's no tomorrow. (Turns to see Dean and Castiel standing in his kitchen) ... wh--th-th-this isn't supposed to happen.

Woman:
Sir?

Chuck:
(Speaks hastily into the phone) No, lady, this is definitely supposed to happen, but... I just gotta call you back. (Hangs up and stares at Dean and Castiel) I...

Lilith:
Don't be afraid; we're going to save the world.

Dean:
(Reading from Chuck's writings) St. Mary's? What is that, a convent?

Chuck:
Yeah, but... you guys aren't supposed to be there; you're not in this story.

Castiel:
Yeah, well... we're making it up as we go.

Chuck:
(His house begins to shake violently, as light surrounds the room) What--? Oh man... not again! (Sparks fly from his computer) Agh!

Castiel:
(Shouts over the noise) It's the Archangel! (To Dean) I'll hold him off; I'll hold them all off! Just stop Sam!

Sam:
I've been waiting for this for a very long time.

Lilith:
Then give me your best shot.

Lilith:
[Laughing] You turned yourself into a freak. A monster. And now you're not gonna bite? I'm sorry, but that is honestly adorable. [Sam uses his powers to kill her, his eyes turning black]

Ruby:
I can't believe it.

Sam:
Ruby, what's going on?

Ruby:
You did it. I-I mean, it was a little touch and go there for a while, but you did it.

Sam:
What? What-what did I do?

Ruby:
You opened the door, and now he's free at last. He's free at last!

Sam:
No, no, no-he, eh Lilith. I stopped her. I killed her!

Ruby:
"And it is written, that the first demon shall be the last seal." And you busted her open, now guess who's coming to dinner.

Sam:
Oh my god.

Ruby:
Guess again!

[Dean bursts in, drawing Ruby's Knife. She turns to face him]

Ruby:
You're too late.

Dean:
I don't care.

[Sam grabs a shocked Ruby from behind and Dean stabs her with the knife and then twists it before pulling it out. Ruby falls to the ground, dead]

Sam:
He's coming...