T.U.F.F. Puppy, Season 2

Dudley:
[in Kitty's body after switching brains] It worked! Now as far as anyone knows, I'm Kitty. And that's just me asleep on the floor again. Now to make a date with Jack. [calls Jack's number; badly imitating Kitty] Hi, Jack. It's Kitty. I got your message.

Jack:
Kitty, what's wrong with your voice?

Dudley/Kitty:
Uh, I have a fur ball in my throat, because I'm a cat, and not a dog with my brain inside a cat's body. [laughs nervously] Wanna meet for lunch?

Jack:
Love to. Meet me at 12:00 at our Our Old Hangout.

Dudley/Kitty:
Ummm… I don't remember where that is, and not because I'm just pretending to be Kitty and don't know you that well. [laughs nervously again]

Jack:
Actually, we've never been there before. "Our Old Hangout" is the name of a new restaurant on main street. I'll see you there.

Dudley/Kitty:
Beware Jack Rabbit. There's a new Kitty in town, and her name is Dumpley Puppy! [falls to the floor] Aah! I twisted my ankle!

[Our Old Hangout restaurant; Jack is sitting at a booth waiting for "Kitty" to show up]

Dudley/Kitty:
[showing up] Hi, Jackie-poo! [having trouble walking in Kitty's boots and trips on Jack] Sorry, I'm late. I had to put on my lady face. [giggles]

Jack:
Kitty, It's good to see you. I thought about you a lot while I was in the slammer.

Dudley/Kitty:
Well, you deserved to be in jail. [slaps Jack in the face]

Jack:
[points to his convertible car outside] Actually, The slammer is my high powered European sports car. It's an XJ-5 Convertible.

Dudley/Kitty:
Yeah? Well, your fancy car doesn't impress me. I only came here to tell you, I want nothing to do with you! Oh, and to do this! [splashes a glass of water in Jack's face] And this! [squirts ketchup in his face] And maybe this too! [pushes a stick of butter on his forehead] And don't bother wiping your face, 'cause I never want to see it again!

Dudley/Kitty:
Just so you know, after my free lunch, free dessert, and free to-go order, I never wanna see you again!

Dudley/Kitty:
[on the phone] I'd like to order a dune buggy, and a pot roast the size of a dune buggy.

Kitty/Dudley:
Dudley, have you gone crazy?! Why did you trade brians with me?

Dudley/Kitty:
Keep your shirt on! I don't want my Chinese noodles to fall out. [Kitty groans at him with anger] Look, I know you're mad, but I did it to protect you from Jack Rabbit. I was afraid he'd try and do something bad to you again. But as it turns out, he's an awesome guy who just left his sunglasses in the top secret T.U.F.F. computer room.

Kitty/Dudley:
What?! Jack's back?! Dudley, he used his charms to trick you!

Dudley/Kitty:
Actually, he used it to buy me a dune buggy. I love him, Kitty!

Snaptrap:
[in Kitty's body] Wow! I can get even bigger tips now!

Dudley:
Hi-YAH! [punches Snaptrap in the nose, knocking him out] Take that, Snaptrap! [to Kitty, in Snaptrap's body] Sorry, Kitty. I think I broke your nose.

Jack:
[comes out of the top secret computer room] The list is on this flash drive, Snaptrap.

Kitty:
[imitating Snaptrap's voice] Yeah. That's who I am. Snaptrap and not a girl cat in a really gross rat's body. Are there noodles in my shirt? Do all guys do this?

Jack:
[tosses the flash drive in "Snaptrap's" hands] You've got your list. Now, give me my money.

Kitty:
No chance, Jack. 'Cause I'm not really Snaptrap. [picks up the Brain Switcher; in normal voice] I'm Kitty Katswell!

Mr. Wong:
Dudley Puppy, you crossed the Wong guy! Get it? 'Cause my name is Wong.

Kitty:
You know, this is a secret agency. We really should lock the door.

Dudley:
[in Jack's body; imitating Jack's voice] Here's my credit card, Mr. Wong. It should cover all the food Dudley ate. And all the food he's planning to eat in the future.

Mr. Wong:
[takes the credit card] Thank you, wise and handsome stranger. [leaves the building]

Snaptrap:
[sitting in his chair, wearing his bunny slippers and robe; depressed] Woe is me. [sighs depressingly]

Ollie:
Oh, are you depressed, boss?

Snaptrap:
Well, yes. Also, I've changed my name to "Woe."

Larry:
What's wrong, Snaptrap?

Snaptrap:
[shouting angrily] IT'S "WOE", LARRY!

Elderly Kitty:
Dudley, what have you done?!

Elderly Chief:
Get him!

Kitty:
Keep working, Keswick. Here's a piece of pizza. [slides a slice of pizza under the door]

Kewsick:
I CAN'T REACH THE PIZZA! Oh, [stuttering] SURE! I guess I'll just STARVE!!

Wolf Spitzer:
Wolf Spitzer here for Access Hollywolf. I'm with former kid show host and convicted felon, Quacky the Duck, and his scary partner, the Sharing Moose. They are out of prison and making their first feature film.

Quacky:
Which is definitely a real movie, and not a villainy cover up for heinous crimes.

Sharing Moose:
That's right. I spent a year in solitary writing the screenplay.

Quacky:
Seriously? You actually wrote a real screenplay?

Sharing Moose:
It's a touch in celebration of life. And if the actors mess it up, they will never forget the taste of my FIST!

Wolf Spitzer:
And who are these lucky actors of what you speak?

Quacky:
Well, Wolf, we cast three local suckers, I mean, local citizens in the starring roles.

Kitty:
[turns off the screen] What kind of idiots would wanna star in a Quacky the Duck movie?

[Elevator doors open]

Dudley:
KITTY, WE'RE STARRING IN A QUACKY THE DUCK MOVIE!

Chameleon:
[putting money in a safe vault in the wall of a motel room] This is my best plan yet! Soon, I'll have more money than I currently have! Plus, the old-lady sheep seem to really enjoy the Latin charms of Ricardo Muttonban. [disguises himself as Ricardo] Right until I take all of their money, that is! With this disguise, it's so easy to pull the wool over their eyes. Oh-ho, wow! That was clever, and it rhymed. Clever wordplay is the hallmark of comedy!

Wolf Spitzer:
This is Wolf Spitzer with rich-people news. New super-easy-to-take-advantage-of socialite Lady Saggy Moneybags Wrinklesmith III is throwing a cotillion.

Dudley:
[speaking in a falsetto accent] Which is a dance, and not the number that comes after a billion, like you would think.

Wolf Spitzer:
This is Wolf Spitzer saying, "No one thought that." Anyway, every rich, old sheep in town is invited to Lady Wrinklesmith's yacht tonight.

Chameleon:
That Wrinklesmith's face could stop a clock. [shudders in disgust] But I wonder how much she's worth?

Wolf Spitzer:
In case you're wondering how much Lady Saggy Moneybags Wrinklesmith III is worth, it's--

Dudley:
A cotillion dollars!

Wolf Spitzer:
We've been over this. That's not a number.

Snaptrap's Mom:
[through speaker] Verminious, what'd you do with my toe cream?!

Snaptrap:
It's under your bunion cream, Mom! It's gross, guys. Her feet has more bumps than the surface of the moon.

Snaptrap's Mom:
VERMINIOUS! How many stamps do I need to send an email?!

Snaptrap:
Boy, mom's are the worst.

Francisco:
Yeah, tell me about it. This one time, I didn't clean up my room, and my mom tried to turn me into a pair of boots.

Ollie:
My mom was equally horrid. Her crumpets were dry and lumpy.

Larry:
I love my mommy. She's cool. She always takes care of me when I get hurt.

Bird Brain:
Gather around, henchmen!

Owl:
Who?

Bird Brain:
You!

Bat:
Where?

Bird Brain:
Where do you think?! Around me! Duck! Don't duck, I was talking to the duck! [annoyingly facepalms himself] Holy cow. Not you, Holy Cow. Oh, now I've lost my train of thought. Oh, right! I've invented a new hideously diabolical weapon! I call it, the Lovey-Dovey-Kissy-Smoochy gun! I admit the name could be scarier.

Zippy:
How does it work, boss?

Bird Brain:
It causes anyone I blast to fall madly in love with me!

[Petropolis Prison; The F.L.O.P.P. members are being released]

Meerkat:
At last, sweet freedom! Now the members of F.L.O.P.P., the Fiendish League of Potential Perpetrators, can be reunited in crime! Right, Wanna-Bee?

Wanna-Bee:
Yeah! 'Cause I wanna be bad!

Escape Goat:
So do I, but how can we commit crimes without going back to jail?!

Wanna-Bee:
We could rob each other, and not press charges!

Meerkat:
I have a better idea. I've contacted an old friend, who leads the exciting life of a supervillain, but has never gone to jail.

Escape Goat:
What's his secret?

Meerkat:
He's never actually committed a crime. Oh, he threatens to, but it's always a bluff. Fellow members of F.L.O.P.P., meet the Bluffalo!

Bluffalo:
Hello, look at me. I'm parked in a handicapped space in a stolen van. Just kidding. I'm legally parked, and I'm leasing this.

Meerkat:
I told you he was good.

Bluffalo:
With my help, you will be able to terrorize Petropolis with empty threats, and never go to prison. Now, who wants some stolen pizza? I'm bluffing. I paid for it, and left a 20% tip. [giggles]

[As F.L.O.P.P. and Bluffalo lurk beside the donut shop with boxes of fudgie bars]

Meerkat:
[high-fives with Bluffalo] Bluffalo, you're brilliant! Ooh, and I'm diabetic. I shouldn't have eaten all those fudgie bars.

Escape Goat:
I'd say let's make our escape, but we didn't do anything wrong!

Bluffalo:
And that is the genius of the Bluffalo. Now, let's race to the F.L.O.P.P. shed, while obeying all traffic laws. [They hop into a golf cart and drive away] This is not my golf cart. My brother-in-law loaned it to me.

[Next morning at T.U.F.F. headquarters; Kitty, Keswick, and the Chief are drinking coffee as Dudley shows up, looking a little bigger]

Chief:
Uh-oh! It's the diabolical Dr. Half-dog!

Dudley:
No, Chief! [squats down to reveal his head] It's me! And I'm tall! Check it out! I can dunk and reach the ham. I can even dunk a ham!

Chief:
[jumps onto the hoop and smacks the ham out of Dudley's hand] You may be tall, but I got mad hops.

Keswick:
I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we'll never run out of potato salad.

[Dudley, Kitty, and the Chief cheer]

Chief:
There's no news bad enough to offset that!

Keswick:
And the bad news is I can't stop the effects of the grow-faster blaster, which means big trouble for Agent Puppy.

Dudley:
Oh, no! I'm gonna turn into a potato! My seventh greatest fear has been realized!

Chief:
But we're still good with the potato salad, right?

[Dudley suddenly starts growing bigger as the size of the headquarters building, with his arms, legs, and head sticking out]

Dudley:
[with his eyes closed tightly] I can't bear to look! Am I potato?!

[Dudley lets out a massive fart, blowing up and destroying the headquarters building]

Dudley:
[relieved] Ah, that's better! I mean, gross, Kitty!

Chief:
Believe it or not, my horoscope said this would happen.

Keswick:
What do you know? "A giant dog fart will destroy everything you've worked for."

Kitty:
"You will soar to new heights."

Dudley:
[confused] I don't get it. [grows even more bigger] Oh, now I get it!

Dudley:
Being tall wrecked everything. I'm so sad I don't even feel like singing.

Dudley:
Thanks for having a snowball fight with me, Mr. President of the United States. [gets hit in the face with a snowball]

Simulated Eagle President:
You're welcome, Dudley. And since we're best friends now, you can call me, "Mr. United States."

Simulated Michael Crane:
It's always a pleasure to hang out with my best friend, Dudley Puppy.

Dudley:
This is awesome! I have so many famous bird friends!

Keswick:
Agent Puppy, get out of the simulation station.

Dudley:
Come on, Keswick. This is your coolest invention ever! Whatever I imagine in here becomes real! In fact, could you come in here for a second? I'd like to imagine you not bothering me.

Keswick:
Agent Puppy, I created the simulation station to train agents for dangerous, real-life situations, not so you could good off with a has-been actor and a lame duck president.

Dudley:
He's not a duck. He's an eagle. Besides, Kitty said it was okay.

Simulated Kitty:
I did. I think everything Dudley does is okay, if not amazing.

Keswick:
That is not the real Agent Katswell.

Dudley:
I know. I call her, "agreeable Kitty." She's way better. [sees the real Kitty and gets startled]

Kitty:
Better, Dudley? How is she better?

Dudley:
Well, for one thing, she doesn't scare me like you just did. Also, her head is a gumball machine.

Chief:
Agent Puppy, I'm only gonna ask you this once. Did you take Keswick's coffee cup? [Keswick whispers to him; shocked] He did what?! That's way worse! Agents Puppy and Katswell, go get that simulated Michael Crane, and bring him back to T.U.F.F.! Keswick, go put agreeable Kitty back in the simulation station.

Keswick:
One second, Chief. I'm trying to get a cherry gumball. [Agreeable Kitty explodes] The gumballs were all backed up.

Keswick:
[eating an Animal Quacker] These taste like sugar cookies!

Kitty:
Don't tell anyone I said this, but these are even better than my Carp Tarts!

Bill:
I'm from the Carp Tarts company, and I heard that. You're fired, Ms. Katswell.

Kitty:
You've been spying on me?!

Bill:
The Carp Tarts company checks up on all their spokespeople. [chuckles] Oh, boy, hiding behind a ficus sure works up an appetite. [eats an Animal Quacker] Mm! Man, these are better than Carp Tarts! [chuckles] I can say that, 'cause no one's spying on me.

Executive:
Wrong, Bill! You're FIRED!

Bill:
[disappointed] Oh, great. Now I gotta go sell board games in the alley. [walks away, moping]

Dudley:
I'm sorry you lost your spokesperson job, Kitty, but the important thing is, I still have mine. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to use my super deep TV voice to sell more cookies!

Chief:
Okay, I've had some time to get over the mop. And I've decided I can't get over the mop. So we're going after it! Keswick, break out the heavy artillery.

Keswick:
I would, Chief. But the key to activate the weapon system is in Kitty's purse. Just kidding, it's in my fanny pack. [chuckles]

Chief:
[laughs] Yeah, good one, Keswick.

Dudley:
That's weird. Never punched someone in the nose and the foot at the same time.

[Bird Brain and Zippy are both standing in front of the Brawny Booby clothing store]

Zippy:
Bird Brain, why are robbing the Brawny Booby? You always rob the Big-Bottomed Booby.

Bird Brain:
Because Zippy, I've made a serum out of the Bird of Powerdise flower! Once I take it, I'll be young, handsome, and I'll feel out a muscle shirt like no booby's business! There may be some freaky side effects like: uncontrollable skipping, and the inability to pronounce the letter "R." But, blue bottoms up! [gulps down the serum and grows a full head of hair and a stylish muscular body] Now, look at me. I'm WIPPED! Oh, dear. I sound widiculous. No matter, I look like a gweek god! Hooway! [skips on inside] Evewybody out! This is a wobbewy! [all the other boobys are confused; sighs in frustration] A bugwugwy?! Just get out! [puts on a pair of skinny jeans] Oh, this is fantastic. Finally, I can get into skinny jeans without gweasing my waist with butter.

Meerkat:
I hereby call to order this meeting of F.L.O.P.P.: The Fiendish League of Potential Perpatrators!

Escape Goat:
It's just me, Meerkat. You don't have to yell. Also, I know what F.L.O.P.P. stands for.

Meerkat:
[offended] You know, Escape Goat, you've got quite an attitude for someone who couldn't even escape from the shower this morning!

Keswick:
Mmm. Chief, this three-bean salad you made is delicious!

Chief:
Thanks. Although to tell you the truth, I didn't make it. I just took it out of the refrigerator. There's all kinds of stuff in here.

Keswick:
[stammering] Wait a minute. This is my spill the beans salad! It's just as powerful as my truth syrup, but with fewer calories!

Chief:
Oh, no! Truth beans give me gas. To be honest, I always have gas, but I blame it on Agent Puppy.

Keswick:
I never have gas. I'm an alien. Oops!

Chief:
Keswick, are you really an alien?

Keswick:
No. Yes. I'm hiding out on Earth because I'm wanted on my own planet for cooking stinky fish at work. Super strict planet.

[Dudley and Kitty serve the D.O.O.M. agents some waffles and pour the truth syrup on them]

Snaptrap:
These are delicious. Francisco, pass me more syrup.

Francisco:
My name isn't really Francisco. It's Francesca. My mom wanted a girl. [realizes what he said] Wait, what am I saying?

Ollie:
Aw, that's okay, Francesca. I'm not really British. [in a French accent] I just faked the accent to sound smarter.

Snaptrap:
Something weird is happening. Suddenly I have the urge to tell Larry that I don't actually hate him. I'm only hard on him because I think he has the most potential to be evil.

Larry:
And I have the urge to admit I've been putting black widows in your gym bag. [realizes what he said, freaking out] What's gotten into us?!

Dudley:
I just gave you truth syrup, and I didn't have to tell you because I can lie again. Keswick gave us the antidote-- Key Lie Pie!

[News footage on the screen monitor shows some police cars in front of a house robbery]

Wolf Spitzer:
This is Wolf Spitzer with breaking news. There are reports that Bigfoot-- yes, Bigfoot-- has robbed this strangely familiar home behind me. [realizes in shock] Wait, that's my house!

Daughter Spitzer:
[tapping her father's shoulder] Daddy, Bigfoot-- yes, Bigfoot stole my video games.

Wolf Spitzer:
Well, sweetie, that's no big deal.

Mrs. Spitzer:
He also stole your golf clubs.

Wolf Spitzer:
That monster! [vengefully] Bigfoot must be hunted down and DESTROYED!

Dudley:
This is ridiculous! Bigfoot would never hurt anyone! He's kind, and generous, and he has a heart as big as his foot.

Kitty:
How would you know that, Dudley?

Dudley:
Because he came to comfort me when I was a kid after my mom sent me to bed without dessert. I didn't do anything wrong when we were just out of dessert.

Kitty:
Maybe we can talk to someone else, Mr. Spitzer.

Daughter Spitzer:
This is Wolf Spitzer's daughter, so you can talk to me.

Dudley:
[consoling Bigfoot] I'll figure out some way to get you out of here, buddy. I just need to think. Thinking is hard. Maybe I'll just make some hot chocolate. That's hard too. Or maybe I'll just sit here. [jumps and sits down on the floor] Ah, the floor is hard.

Wolf Spitzer:
[on screen monitor] This is Wolf Spitzer saying Bigfoot has struck again! And this time, he's teamed up with the beloved former show pony, Shenanigans. Yes, Shenanigans.

Dudley:
Hey, look, Bigfoot. You're on TV. Wait. You're on TV. That means… [groans] more thinking. No, wait, I've got it. You're innocent! That means you're innocent!

Kitty:
[sobbing along with Dudley] We're never gonna get Tammy back!

Chief:
[sobbing] I give anything to hear Tammy's voice one more time!