The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Season 1

Cy:
Origami: the anicent art of Japanese paper folding. I will attempt to make one of the most difficult of origami structures; a snow monkey-

Jimmtsy friends thought you could take over the world, huh? Well, you didn't know you had to deal with Hugh Neutron, did you? So, talk. Ha-ha! You can't talk, can you? You know why? Because you're pants. So zip it!

Sheen:
[after Jimmy attempts to use a Brain Drain helmet on himself] Wow, look at him. He looks so... so similar!

Carl:
Aw, don't worry, Jimmy. There's always next time.

Jimmy:
[notices the shine on his inventions, speaking in a derpy-like voice] Shiny? Shiny! I like shiny!

Carl and Sheen:
It worked!

Jimmy:
Hey, have you guys seen my loopy dance? [singing] I'm loopy, I'm loopy, I'm loopy, loopy, loopy...

Carl:
You know, this new Jimmy seems kinda stupid.

Sheen:
Yeah, he's really messed up. [beat] I like him!

Carl:
Me too!

Sheen:
Can we keep him?

Cindy:
Okay, Neutron. How does this work?

Jimmy:
I don't know, Suzie.

Cindy:
It's Cindy!

Jimmy:
You're kinda cute...

Cindy:
[sigh] I'll wing it!

Jimmy:
Ladies and gentlemen... and Cindy. I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld.

Carl:
A llama?

Jimmy:
No.

Carl:
A baby llama?

Jimmy:
No.

Carl:
A baby llama with a hat on?

Jimmy:
No!

Cindy:
An invention of yours that actually works?

Jimmy:
No! I mean, "yes!" I present to you Book Gum, why read a book when you can just chew the book instead?

Sheen:
Wow, Jimmy, chewing a book.

Jimmy:
Sheen, you don't actually chew a book. See, I reduced the contents of different books to gum form. You chew it, and you know it.

Sheen:
Tastes... fishy. [starts quoting from Moby-Dick] "Call me Ishmael. Starbuck, it's the great white whale. I'll get you, Moby Dick!"

Cindy:
Give me a piece of that. Hmm... It tastes like fried chicken. [starts quoting from Gone with the Wind] "Oh, Ashley, Oh, Rhett. I don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies."

Jimmy:
Careful, Carl. It would be very dangerous to eat more than one at a time.

Carl:
Mmm... [William Shakespeare]

Jimmy:
That might just be a little strong for you, Carl.

Carl:
[quotes Romeo's monologue from Romeo and Juliet] "But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand that I might touch that cheek."

Miss Fowl:
Class, we're having a candy selling contest to raise money.

[all groaning and yawning]

Cindy:
Boring.

Miss Fowl:
The student who sells the most boxes will win a free VIP trip to Retroland!

[cheering]

Jimmy:
Download candy and chocolate actualities and data...

Hugh:
Oh, selling candy, eh, Jimbo? Well, you have come to the right dinner table. Welcome to the Hugh Neutron school of salesmanship. Class is in session. Pumpkin Pants, let's play traveling salesman.

Judy:
Who should I be this time?

Hugh:
You be the person who's not the traveling salesman. Knock, knock.

Judy:
Who's there?

Hugh:
It's me.

Judy:
Well, come on in.

Hugh:
Good evening, ma'am. Want to spice up your life?

Judy:
Sure.

Hugh:
Well, then what you need is this beautiful four-pronged eating implement.

Judy:
But, sir, I already have one.

Hugh:
But can yours talk? [with high-pitched voice] Hello. My name is Forky. You're pretty. Buy me! Buy me!

Judy:
I'll take four.

Hugh:
And that, Jimmy, is how where I got to be... where I am today. Bring on the pie.

Jimmy:
The Willy Loman 3000-a super-selling machine programmed to make the sale at any cost. He will NOT take "NO!" for an answer.

[Gears whirring]

Jimmy:
It's the good life, gentlemen. While the W.L. 3000 does all the work we're here enjoying a tall cold one.

Sheen:
And plan our VIP trip to Retroland.

Carl:
HUZZAH!

Sheen:
What?

Carl:
Huzzah-some goofy way to say "COOL!"!

Man:
What?!?

Willy:
Goo-ood afternoon, sir. May I say you look absolutely f-f-fabulous? Ha-ha-ha, yes, I agree it is beautiful out, heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh...

Man:
I don't want to buy nothin'.

Willy:
"Buy"? Who said "buy"? I-I-I'd like to give you a piece of c-candy, absolutely free with no strings attached.

Man:
Forget it.

Willy:
You can never have enough ca-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-andy, sir.

Man:
I can. And I DO! Good-bye.

Willy:
Y-yes, y-y-y-yes, this is a "g-good buy".

Man:
What part of "NO!" do you not understand?

Willy:
How about if I throw in this free-ee-ee-ee dog if you buy a box?

Man:
Hmm... what kind of dog is he?

Willy:
He's your kind of dog. C-congratulations.

Man:
Hey, what does he ea-? Wha-? Wha-? Oh! OH! not on the carpet, yo-! Ooh... Are those lug nuts?

Willy:
I have sold 1,000 boxes of c-c-candy.

Jimmy:
Wow. Way to go, Willy! And now for some good old-fashioned gloating and I-told-you-so-ing. Oh, Miss Vortex!

Willy:
Hey, hey, hey, hey, you look like a couple of intelligent young men.

Carl:
Uh-uh. It's just the glasses.

Willy:
Aa-aa-aa-aah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! And witty to boot. If you buy one measly box of ca-a-a-a-a-andy, you'll receive, as my gift to you, this handsome custom-made rocket.

Carl:
But that's Jimmy's rocket.

Sheen:
But it's free!

Jimmy:
(sarcastic) Oh, I forgot about the ever popular mud-powered radio.

Cindy:
And I forgot about your mud-powered brain!

Thomas Edison:
Woo! That hovercar's a piece of work!

Jimmy:
Thank you, Mr. Edison. You know, I achieved the upward thrust using strautium nitium-crusted fuel rods and titanium valuves.

Thomas Edison:
Are you done? It's not that great, okay?

Jimmy (mimicking Edison):
Hey, you mangy canine, get away from there.

Goddard:
(barking)

Jimmy:
Fooled you. It's just me, Goddard. See, I installed a voice transformer inside this walkie-talkie. Observe. (mimicking Edison) Whip-diddly-doo, everybody. (normal voice)

Goddard:
(whines)

Jimmy:
Aw, Goddard, this is going to help me break up Edison and Miss Fowl. Now, come on pretend it's a nice, crunchy lug nut.

Goddard:
(belches)

Jimmy:
Good boy. Good boy. Now here's the plan.

Sheen:
(while stuck on a rollar coaster) Woo, yeah! Take it to the limit baby!

Jimmy:
(in filtered voice over Goddard's PA system, Thomas Edison voice) "Roses are red, violets are blue. Miss Fowl's armpits stink like an old skunky."

Ms. Fowl:
What?!

Jimmy:
(Thomas Edison voice) I think you smell much more like an old cabbage.

Miss Fowl:
(To Thomas Edison) I thought you were a gentleman!

Jimmy:
(Thomas Edison voice) [ in filtered voice over Goddard's PA system: That's funny. I thought you were a gentleman the first time I saw you.] Can I call you "Man-Lady"?

Thomas Edison:
What's he doing here? And what's this?

Jimmy:
(chuckles nervously) It's a funny story, actually.

Thomas Edison (echoing):
Hello. Hello. Who's in there? So, it was you saying all those things, eh?

Granny:
Good morning. (points to the dummy) I was just telling you over there about my deviated spatchum. On cold mornings it rattles like the Tin Man throwing up a hoagie full of wood screws

Jimmy:
What's in the bottle?

Granny:
Tongue De-Furrer. Your tongue gets furry when you're old. Sometimes I wake up it has chewing on it.

Jimmy:
Let me open that for you. (Jimmy takes the bottle, turns his back - and when he turns back granny's medicine is GLOWING and his flask is empty.) I think you'll feel much better and quieter - after you drink this. (She up-ends it and smacks her lips distastefully.)

Granny:
Tastes funny. Of course, what do I know - after sixty your sense of taste completely disapp- (Granny transform into a baby)

Jimmy:
Granny?!

Granny Baby:
Holy fiber cast I'm topless.

Jimmy:
Oh man this isn't good Where'd you get the diaper?

Granny Baby:
"I was already wearing it. (Poops in her diaper) Ooohh...I need my didie changed!

Jimmy:
Problem Goddard change diaper (He refuses)

Granny Baby:
Change me now! (Cries loudly before pooping her diaper)

Libby:
What was your first clue?

Jimmy:
So you'll do it?

Cindy:
As much as I detest helping smug pseudo-brainiacs, my nurturing female instincts will not let me leave a helpless infant in your care. Where's the new diaper?

Jimmy:
New diaper? What's wrong the one she's wearing?

Cindy:
It's full of poo! I though you were a geinus.

Granny Baby:
Hey he's a guy. ha ha ha ha

Libby:
(Gasp) He she she talked.

Granny Baby:
Could we hurry up? I'm getting dizzy from my own fumes here! Ooohh Dolly

Cindy:
How long she gonna be a baby?

Cindy:
Well, how many diapers do we need?

Granny Baby:
(Poops purposely 3 times) Well, I'll err, on the side of hundreds.

Granny Baby:
I'm bored! make a funny face let me hit you with a waddle.

Cindy:
No.

Granny Baby:
(Crying)

Cindy:
Okay. okay (Cindy doing a funny face and Granny Baby hit Cindy in a face)

Granny Baby:
It's fun hitting you. Ha ha ha ha!

Jimmy:
[Wispering] Granny Granny quiet.

Guy:
Did that baby just talk?

Jimmy:
No ha ha why everyone know babies can talk?

Granny Baby:
(To People) That's right cos if we could the Videotubbies'd became the subway it'd make their head aerials spin. Ha ha ha ha!

All:
(Gasp) (Jimmy and Cindy running from the clamoring mob.)

Crowd (OS):
We want the talking baby! We want the talking baby!

Jimmy:
Goddard! Compare antidote completion with mother's return time!

Jimmy:
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the amazing talking baby!

Crowd:
Oooooh!

Jimmy:
(Jimmy pulls a talking doll-type STRING rigged to Granny's back. He WINDS IT UP with his hidden fingers.)

Baby Granny:
Hey, give me a cuddle. And a diaper change while you're at it. Ha ha ha

Crowd Member #1:
Hey, hey there's a string in her back.

Jimmy:
Oh no I have been found out!

Crowd Member #1:
Yes you have, son!

["The Wheels on the Bus" Instrumental]

Sheen:
Do you want something gummy or crunchy?

Carl:
Uh, I want sour. No! Salty. No! I don't know which one to choose!

Sam:
Oh, this suspense is killing me. Pick a candy and let me get on with my life. Yeah, yeah.

Hugh:
[as the crowd riots at Jimmy about destroying the leftover candy, yelling "Down with Jimmy!"] I can't believe I'm saying this to my own son - but that candy's just too dog-gone good.

Judy:
Don't talk; chant!

Crowd:
Down with Jimmy! Down with Jimmy!

Jimmy:
People, listen to me! It's just candy!

Sam:
[as Jimmy is hiding out in the Candy Bar to avoid the mob of people] Well, look who's here. Mr. "I'm-going-to-invent-the-best-candy-in-the-world-and-put-the-Candy-Bar-out-of-business".

Jimmy:
I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to. I didn't know my candy would be that popular.

Sam:
That's what the guy who invented underpants said! Anyways, you better skedaddle. That angry mob's gonna be here any moment.

Jimmy:
How do you know that?

Sam:
I called them. What do you expect? I've gone broke here! [crowd starts chanting "Candy! Candy!" outside the Candy Bar] Uh-oh. Rhythmic chanting. That's a bad sign, yeah.

Jimmy:
Carl, you're asleep. This is a dream.

Carl:
Don't be silly. If this was a dream, could I do this? [pulls a brain out from his head]

Jimmy:
That's the only time you can do it! Carl, you're asleep, there are llamas in the classroom; Libby rowed to school with a plastic leg!

Carl:
Her paddle broke!

Jimmy:
[trying to help Carl with his nightmare] You should do what I do during a nightmare. Simply prove on paper that the nightmare is a logical impossibility, and it vanishes.

Carl:
Yeah, but my dreams aren't as logical as yours are. I married a turkey once.

Jimmy:
[observing Carl's genius state in his dream] When Carl's asleep, he dreams he's a genius like me.

Cindy:
Like you? Please, you can't even spell your own name!

[Jimmy looks down at his school desk, seeing apparently botched attempts at spelling "Jimmy"]

Carl:
Now I need a dummy who will volunteer.

Jimmy:
[as everyone stares towards him] But I'm not dumb. I'm a genius!

Cindy:
If you're so smart, what's the square root of a flexnart?

Jimmy:
That doesn't make any sense!

Carl:
The square root of a flexnart is a cupful of boogers.

Libby:
[dreamily] He did that all in his head!

Judy:
[very sternly] James Issac Neutron, how many times have I told you to pick up your pants?!

Jimmy:
Well, I know just the dog who can answer that, Mom. [Snaps fingers, Goddard comes out] Goddard, access maternal reprehend data, cross reference: pants.

[Goddard begins replaying the times Judy asked Jimmy to pick up his pants.]

Judy:
[onscreen] Jimmy! Pick up your pants, please? - Uh, Jimmy? Pick up your pants. - Pick up your pants. - Pants. - Jimmy! - Jimmy? - Jimmy? - Pick 'em up. - Jimmy! - Pick up… - Pick up… - Jimmy? - …Your pants!

[Screen says "54 times to date"]

Judy:
I rest my case. Okay, no more Mrs-Nice-Mom.

Hugh:
Zingo! Let's have pie.

Libby:
You are one obsessed chic.

[Cindy presents her report with Jimmy unintentionally joining in]

Cindy:
Origami: the ancient art of Japanese paper folding. I will be making the most difficult of all origami structures; a snow monkey.

Jimmy:
Actually, paper folding originated in China-

Cindy:
Riding a flying dragon-

Jimmy:
In the second century A.D.-

Cindy:
While drinking tea-

Jimmy:
And was brought to Japan-

Cindy:
On a ladder-

Jimmy:
In the sixth century-

Cindy:
IN DECEMBER!

Miss Fowl:
Cindy, I didn't know you and Jimmy were doing this report together.

Cindy:
We're not!

Cindy:
Start explaining, Neutron!

Cindy:
Neutron, as soon as I stop limboing, I'm kicking your butt!

Jimmy:
Cindy's pants are going down!

Sheen:
I pledge allegiance to my pants.

Carl:
My uncle is from Texas!

Cindy:
Neutron, why don't you just go to college and leave us all alone.

[The students chatter in agreement as Principal Willoughby walks in the classroom]

Principal Willoughby:
Good news, everyone, Jimmy Neutron's state test scores were the highest in world history. [Jimmy cowers nervously as everyone glares annoyingly at him and the bell rings] Okay, time for recess. [shouts] NO ONE GO NEAR JIMMY'S HEAD! [quietly] That was precious cargo.

Jimmy:
I liked your project, Libby.

Libby:
Ah! [holds up a skeleton skull to Jimmy's face] Talk to the skull.

Miss Fowl:
Okay, who can tell me the square root of 144? Bwaaak!

Jimmy:
[raises hand] I know! Eleventy-six!

Miss Fowl:
Well, no, I'm sorry. [squawks] That's wrong. [Cindy raises her hand] Cindy?

Cindy:
12.

Miss Fowl:
No! [crying] It's 18!

Sheen:
We're doomed!

Jimmy:
I have miscalculated. It's not about superior intellect. It's all about manipulating emotions with shallow unscrupulous behavior! Quick, Goddard! Options! "TAKE TAP DANCING LESSONS." Jimmy Neutron doesn't dance, Goddard. "GO BACK IN TIME AND TELL CINDY YOU WILL LOSE THE CONTEST." Goddard, whose kind of side are you on?! "BUILD A BETTER SALESMAN." Yeah. If I can't be a better salesman, then I'll create a better salesman! [Jimmy's lab; he has invented a robotic salesman] The Willy Loman 3000- a super-selling machine programmed to make the sale at any cost. He will not take no for an answer.

Jimmy:
I'm not having fun

Cindy:
Neither am I, Neutron!

Jimmy:
Want some gum?

Cindy:
Uh-uh!

[Jimmy stands at the doorway of Cindy's house and knocks on the door]

Cindy:
[answers the door] Neutron?

Jimmy:
[horrified; thinking he made a mistake] Ah! What am I thinking?!

Jimmy:
Mom, Dad, I have an announcement.

Judy:
Ooh, tell me now if this involves any principals, policemen, or government people.

Jimmy:
Nope. Not this time.

Hugh and Judy:
Oh, good.

Jimmy:
Goddard? [Goddard opens up a projection PowerPoint presentation with his mouth] As you know, research tells us the nuclear family of two or more progeny produces a higher happiness quotient than does a solo child family.

Hugh:
Who wants to see the salt and pepper dance?

Jimmy:
Oh, maybe I'll just cut to the chase. Mom, Dad, I want a little brother.

[Hugh spits out his drink after hearing this]

Judy:
[surprised] Jimmy!

Hugh:
Jimbo! Baby making is very…complicated, believe me…

Jimmy:
Dad, Dad, it's not complicated, really. It's basically conception, right…?

Hugh:
[covers his ears] ♪ La-la-la-la ♪

Judy:
Hugh, Hugh! [to Jimmy] Sweetie, a new baby just isn't in the cards right now.

Jimmy:
But, Mom, if the glandular timeline closes…

Hugh:
That's enough. Okay, I want pie. Anyone else want pie? I want pie.

Jimmy:
Well, if the parental units won't provide me with a sibling, I'll just have to take matters into my own hands.

Jimmy:
Brobot! What have I done?!

Brobot:
WOW! That was amazing! Talk about tickling. Glad you made me 100% indestructible.

Jimmy:
Brobot, I'd like to introduce you to your Mombot and your Popbot. I'm sure you'll be very happy together.

Brobot:
[gasps in surprise] Cool! Thanks, Jimmy. You're the best. [holds hands with his robot parents as they fly off to the moon in space]

Judy:
Bye, Brobot. We'll miss you. Don't forget to write.

Jimmy:
Make with the option. "Convince town that electricity's overrated." No. "Change name and flee country." Possibly. "Break up Edison and Miss Fowl." That's it! If I can break them up, Edison won't have any reason to stay here.

[Last lines]

Carl:
Here we go again!

Sheen:
Aw, man! Bummer!

Hugh:
All right, Jimbo, now listen. We're going to be staying at the Wild Animal Land in Dead Zebra Carcass suite. Don't tell your mother. It's gonna be a big surprise.

Judy:
Oh, and Jimmy, Granny Neutron's coming over while we're gone.

Jimmy:
Aw, Mom. Don't you remember my theorem proving mathematically, I don't need anyone to watch me?

Hugh:
No, Jim-jam, she's not watching you, you're watching her.

Judy:
Besides, you can keep each other company. Now, remember, we're counting on you to watch out for her.

Hugh:
Oh, and don't conduct anymore experiments on her, Jimbo.

Judy:
At her age, the last thing you want is excitement.

[A taxi screeches to a stop in front of the Neutron residence with Granny driving]

Granny:
Told you I could get here from the airport in under fifty cents. [laughs]

Hugh:
Mom!

Judy:
Oh, Mother Neutron.

Jimmy:
Hi, Granny.

Granny:
Jimmy, you tote my clothes. Hugh…you carry my pills, syrups, salves serums, girdles, ointments, medical devices, and miscellaneous supports.

[Jimmy's lab; Jimmy and Goddard watch Granny on the computer monitor, talking to a Jimmy dummy standee]

Jimmy:
Age is a cruel, cruel thing, Goddard. In a short 65 years, you completely lose your ability to tell when people want you to stop talking.

Granny:
[on monitor] And forget Preparation H. I've made it all the way to Preparation X. [laughs]

Jimmy:
[realizing] Wait a second. If I made her young again, I'd bet she'd stop complaining. But I promised Mom and Dad I wouldn't experiment on Granny…especially after that time I made her magnetic. [chuckles]

Sheen:
Do you have any other Ultra Lord collectibles?

Cindy:
No. Pay and leave.

Sheen:
Any Ultra Lord videos?

Cindy:
No.

Sheen:
DVDs?

Cindy:
No.

Sheen:
CD-ROMs?

Cindy:
No.

Sheen:
TV episodes…

Cindy:
NO!

Sheen:
What about the discolored pajamas you get at the swap meet?

Cindy:
NO! Do I look like the kind of pathetic self-diluted dweeb case who'd have anything about Ultra Lord?!

Sheen:
No. You look more like a regular kind of pathetic self-diluted dweeb case.

Granny Baby:
I'm bored! Make a funny face and I can hit you with my rattle.

Cindy:
[defiantly] No. [Granny Baby cries] Okay, okay! [makes a funny face and Granny Baby hits her in a face with her rattle]

Granny Baby:
It's fun hitting you! [laughs]

Jimmy:
[whispering] Granny Granny quiet.

Man:
Did that baby just talk?

Jimmy:
No. Ha ha, why? Everyone know babies can't talk.

Granny Baby:
That's right, 'cause if we could the Video Tubbies would be cancelled so quick it would make their head aerials spin. [laughs]

[The people gasp. Jimmy and Cindy running from the clamoring mob.]

Cindy:
[gives Jimmy the antidote in a baby bottle] Here. Anything else you'd like? Your slippers in a pipe, maybe?

[Jimmy feeds Granny Baby the antidote in a baby bottle, reverting her back to her old self as Jimmy's parents arrive in the nick of time]

Judy:
Hello, honey. How was everything?

Jimmy:
Oh, hi, Mom! Nothing unusual here, just me and Granny obeying all your rules. Yes, ma'am, that's what we're doing.

Cindy:
Well, I'd love to stay and help you narrowly avoid even more consequences of your stupid actions but it looks like Libby and I have a date with some enchilada burritos.

Jimmy:
It's nice to have you back, Granny.

Granny:
So nice to be back, Jimmy. [chuckles]

Carl:
Hey, Jim, I'm really thirsty. Does your mom have any lemonade?

Granny:
[gives Carl the antidote baby bottle] Drink this!

Jimmy:
NO! [Carl drinks the antidote, turning himself into an old man] Carl? You okay?

Old Carl:
Well, my eyes hurt, my hair is gone, and I have a powerful urge to dance badly.

Granny:
I'll take a piece of that.

Sheen:
I like the part about the medulla oblongata. I don't know what it means, but I love the way it sounds! [waves his UltraLord action figure at Carl] Back or I will slay thee you with my medulla oblongata!

Jimmy:
[after watching the commercial of the Encyclopedia of Infinite Knowledge, shocked] Wow! Did you guys see that?! There's never been an encyclopedia like that ever! I gotta have it.

Sheen:
That's so crazy, because I so don't want it.

Jimmy:
Sorry, guys. I gotta go talk to my mom, right now.

Jimmy:
Ugh, gee, Goddard. It's not fair. Wish I could go back in time and convince him to invest in… [gets an idea] Wait, I got it. If we go back in time, I can convince Dad to invest in McSpanky's, and then, we'll have all the money we'll ever need!

Hugh:
Congratulations, Sally!

Judy:
That's Jenny.

Jimmy:
Jimmy!

Judy:
[about Sheen & Carl] And what are they doing here? The big one is odd and the thin one is a weirdo.

Carl:
Hey, you can't insult us like that!

Hugh:
[tosses Carl and Sheen a gold brick] Here you go, get yourself something nice.

Sheen:
Sure they can! [turns to Carl] Let's go, odd guy!

Carl:
[snorts] You got it, weirdo!

Jimmy:
Two centuries ago, a pirate ship named, the Oozy Scab, hit a squall and sunk to the bottom of Retroville Bay with a mysterious treasure chest. No sub could ever get deep enough to retrieve it until today. I'm finding that treasure.

Cindy:
Listen, Neutron. I'm not any happier about being lab partners than you are so let's just classify some seashells and get it over with.

Jimmy:
Darn it all, Cindy! I wish I could join you in your fascinating seashell project, but I've already planned a dangerous search for a shipwreck in my extremely cramped submarine.

Cindy:
Okay, I'm in.

Cindy:
What kind of dunderhead would want to talk to a bunch of stupid fish?

Carl:
I wanna talk to fish! I wanna talk to fish! [snatches the microphone out of Jimmy's hand and sees a fish] Oh, hey there, little fella! Do you like Fish Snack 'Ems? They're made from fish like you, only chopped up into little bite sized pieces and deep fried in burning oil! [the fish screams and swims away]

Jimmy:
Anyone familiar with the Sea of Japan?

Jimmy:
But it's still my ship!

Cindy:
You just can't deal with accepting the fact that my plan is better than yours!

Jimmy:
Is not!

Cindy:
Is so!

Jimmy:
Is not!

Cindy:
Is so-

Carl:
[screaming] STOP IT! STOP IT! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THIS CONSTANT FIGHTING OF YOURS IS TEARING US ALL APART?!

Cindy:
[about Jimmy] Throw him in the brig!

Jimmy:
It'll take a lot more than ravenous hunger to turn my men against me! [puts fists on hips and stands proudly] Tell her, boys!

Sheen:
I'll get some rope!

Carl:
I'll hold him down!

Jimmy:
Quick, Carl! Throw me your bag of Fish Snack'ems.

Carl:
No!

Jimmy:
I SAID "THROW ME YOUR BAG OF FISH SNACK'EMS"!

Jimmy:
Don't worry. Despite your muteness behavior, you'll all still get a cut of the treasure.

[Back at school, in Miss Fowl's classroom; the treasure chest is filled with pieces of saltwater taffy while Jimmy hits his head against it in disappointment]

Miss Fowl:
This is the most delicious saltwater taffy I've ever tasted, children. Your project gets an A-plus!

Cindy:
You know, Jimmy, I hear each one of these pieces of taffy is worth over three cents.

Jimmy:
I don't wanna talk about it. [resumes hitting his head]

Sheen:
For behold, it is I, Ultra Principal!

Carl:
[waking up] Oh, wow, I had the craziest dream.

Jimmy:
[panting] I know, I was there. You almost got me killed by a legume! [sees the Lima Bean Monster creeping up behind Sheen] Sheen, don't move. There's an evil giant man-eating Lima bean monster behind you.

Sheen:
Ha! You guys. I haven't believed in that since I was, like, seven.

Jimmy:
Uh, hey, Carl, you won't tell anyone about that awful, desperate thing I had to do to wake you up, will ya?

Carl:
Of course not, Jimmy.

Cindy:
[shows up angrily and walks to Jimmy] Not even in his dreams, Neutron! [gives Jimmy a slap in the face, causing him to spin and fall on his back, and she leaves, disgusted]

Libby:
Hi, guys! Some day, huh?

Hugh:
[after he and his posse mistake Jimmy and Godard in the distance for a caribou] There's gonna be caribou chili tonight boys.

All Three Men:
[chanting] Ugh lugh lugh yeah! Ugh lugh lugh yeah! Ooh...CARIBOU!

Hugh:
Don't waste your time, sport. All the pipes are frozen solid.

Judy:
[to Jimmy] Sweetie, eat your caribou before it gets hard and icy.

Cindy:
This can't be happening! Nerd-tron actually rocks?!

Sheen:
Hey! Hey! What is this? I specifically requested dolphin-safe donuts! I refuse to perform until all of my ridiculous demands are satisfied!

Hugh:
[repeated line] You kids, good luck tonight! And remember, have fun with it!

Sheen:
Hey Jimmy, we need a name! How about: "The Mighty Disciples of Ultra Lord"?

Jimmy:
Oh, ho! What about, what about this: "The Science Kings"?

Carl:
I got a name! And it's great.

Sheen:
Does it have the word "llama" in it?

Carl:
NO! ...Yes.

Jimmy:
Okay, well um... maybe we can mix ‘em together? I know: "The Llama Lords of Science"!

Jimmy:
Uh, I'm thinking about uh... changing our name. What about: "The Jimmy Neutron Experience"?

Carl:
Yeah, I kinda like "The Carl Wheezer Project".

Sheen:
I have to vote for "Sheen and the Sheenettes". You guys can be the Sheenettes! Um, or we can get some Sheenettes. and you guys can stand behind the curtain and carry my stuff around and stuff.

Carl:
I want a drum solo!

[While Jimmy, Carl & Sheen are fighting with each other.]

Jimmy:
Wait a minute. Sheen, Carl! What are we doing?

Sheen:
Well, I was about to strangle Carl.

Carl:
Yeah, and I was about to slap Sheen on the back of the head.

Miss Fowl:
[after Jimmy invisibly steals her sandwich] Well I….Who took my sandwich? [spots a squirrel] So that's your game, is it? well, Mr. I'm-Too-Good-For-Acorns, how'd you like a nice detention?

Nick:
Dude?! You're not a dude!

Jimmy:
[laughs manically] Invisible Boy strikes! This may be my greatest invention ever! Think what I can do! Think what I shouldn't do, but will do. Think… [realizes he can't stop running] Wait a minute. Something's wrong. I can't stop! Oh, no! Mom was right! The combustion cycle is accelerating out of control! Can't… get my shoes… off! Must… [grunts as he tries to take his shoes off]

Jimmy:
Can't just keep running around and around forever. Wait a minute, "running around!" That's it! If I could spin around fast enough, my mass will become less dense, and in theory, I could slip right out of my shoes! Or… I could end up a gelatinous mess splattered all over the ground. [gulps worriedly] I really hope it's the first one. [approaches the school playground and spots the roundabout] Ah, perfect! [spins the roundabout and wraps his feet around the center to slip out of his shoes; screaming] Let's see if it's working. I'm lifting out of my shoes? IT IS WORKING! [launches himself into the air, screaming and his shoes land on the ground, shaking]

Cindy:
[burying her face in her hands in disappointment] I have never been so embarrassed in all my life, and in front of Nick.

Libby:
Cheer up, girl. With your grades, you can transfer to any school in town.

Cindy:
I just know Neutron's behind this. When I see him…

Sheen:
We just saw a ghost!

Carl:
Yeah! And it has Jimmy!

Cindy:
Good, it can keep him.

Sheen:
Boy, you really have some anger issues don't you?

[Jimmy's screams are heard and he lands on the ground with a splat as a glowing purple goo blob]

Jimmy:
[coughs] Hi, guys. I'm back. And by the way, that wasn't a ghost. It was me! But once again, I've solved everything.

Cindy, Libby, Sheen, & Carl:
[disgusted] Ew…!

Cindy:
I thought Nerdtron was hard to look at before, but this is disgusting!

Sheen:
Yeah, Jimmy, you're totally gross… yet somehow cool. But completely nasty! Yet strangely awesome.

Jimmy:
What are you guys talking about? [looks down at himself, seeing his molecules haven't re-assimilated yet] Oh, my molecules haven't re-assimilated.

Carl:
Hey, look… [pokes him as he chuckles] He's fun to poke.

Jimmy:
Stop it, Carl!

[Lindbergh Elementary School; Jimmy and Cindy are walking down the hallway]

Jimmy/Cindy:
My ankles are freezing. Why don't girls just buy pants that cover their legs?

Cindy/Jimmy:
Stop dragging my feet, those are new shoes! Look, if we just act like each other, nobody will ever know.

Cindy/Jimmy:
Oh. So it's war, is it? Fine! [as Jimmy] Look at me, everybody! I, Jimmy Neutron, am a blue-faced, cross-eyed nosepicker!

Jimmy/Cindy:
[as Cindy] Do you think I spent enough hours on my hair this morning? Hey, everybody, look at my ankles! When'll I ever get a pair of pants the right length? [laughs] Who knows?

Jimmy/Cindy:
Oh, yeah? Listen to this!

Cindy/Jimmy:
[threateningly] Don't… you… dare…

Jimmy/Cindy:
[makes an armpit flatulence; as Cindy] How very lady-like of me.

Miss Fowl:
[enters the classroom with pop quiz papers] Quiet, children. Pop quiz!

[The class groans in frustration]

Cindy/Jimmy:
I hope you enjoyed your straight A's, Neutron, 'cause they're a thing of the past. [begins quiz] "The ant is a member of the vegetable family."

Jimmy/Cindy:
[working on quiz] "Name the planets: Farkle… Gub-Gub…"

[Later after class…]

Miss Fowl:
I would like an explanation for these two disgraceful papers.

Cindy/Jimmy:
[as Jimmy] There is a simple explanation, Miss Fowl. I, Jimmy Neutron, am a complete gabble headed dipstick!

Jimmy/Cindy:
But not as big a dipstick as you are, Miss Fowl! And if I don't get a month's worth of detention for that, you are even dumber than you look!

Cindy/Jimmy:
How many detentions is this worth, Miss Fowl-breath?

Carl:
Look! There's Jimmy's entire memory of the 3rd grade.

Sheen:
And we drag that to the Jimmy side. "Supreme dislike of show-offy boys."

Libby:
That's Cindy. Oh, yeah.

[Later…]

Carl:
[tiredly] "Ability to whistle." Can Cindy whistle?

Libby:
I don't know.

Sheen:
We gave Jimmy rapturous enjoyment of mustard. Let's give Cindy whistling.

[Much, much later…]

Carl:
Let's see... "Extreme dislike of girls who dislike boys who dislike girls who dislike show-offy boys who dislike pedantic show-offy girls who dislike..."

Sheen:
SO CONFUSING! TOO MUCH WORDS!! Just throw that one away already! [The memory with the words "Extreme dislike of girls who dislike boys who dislike girls who dislike show-offy boys who dislike pedantic show-offy girls who dislike..." is deleted] And download.

Libby:
Jimmy? Cindy? Are you finally back in your own bods again?

Cindy/Jimmy:
No! 'Cause it's all Neutron's fault!

Jimmy/Cindy:
My fault? What are you talking about?

Cindy/Jimmy:
If it weren't for Folfax, Wheezer, and Estevez, none of this would have happened, and our pants and ankles are stil different!

Jimmy/Cindy:
Well, it's also all your fault we're still each other in this jam!

Nick:
In July '97, 3 normal kids from our town heading home from an all-night swim meet.

Jimmy:
Who ever heard of an all-night swim meet?

Jimmy:
And so, in 1851, physicist Jean Foucault, hung a pendulum from a 200 foot wire-much as I've done here-and proved the Earth revolves.

Jimmy:
Every thinking person knows the Phantom's just a fable.

Cindy:
Oh, obsess, why don't ya? You're only putting down Nick because despite all your logic you're just as scared of the Phantom as everyone else.

Nick:
No kid who goes to Retroland after midnight has ever been seen again.

Carl:
"Dear, Jimmy. I can't come with you tonight, as I have decided to join the French Foreign Legion. This is a decision I do not make likely, as I ha…" [notices Jimmy looking at him as he opens the front door] H-Hi, Jimmy. I thought you said 11:30.

Jimmy:
Well, you'd have surely been on a plane to Algeria by then, Carl.

Carl:
Sheen, the Phantom of Retroland is gonna tear us limb from limb and eat us! Say something!

Sheen:
You ever notice how Jimmy's hair is like one of those gum massager things? It's all swirly and… What?!

Jimmy:
Glad you could make it, Sheen. How did you sneak out?

Sheen:
Oh, I just told my grandma that I had to go to a deserted theme park to be eaten by a maniac. She told me to wear clean underwear.

Sheen:
I wonder what order he'll eat us in.

Jimmy:
He's kidding, Carl. No one's going to eat us. [checks the time on his wrist watch] Three, two one, midnight! Hah! We did it! We took a hypothesis, constructed a scientific protocol, and conclusively proved it false. Take that, Nick and all your ilk!

Carl:
You know what I smell, Jimmy?

Jimmy:
Victorious truth rising above the ashes of superstition?

Carl:
No. [turns around, pointing to something] Salami. [Camera zooms out to reveal the Phantom, standing in front of them; screams]

Jimmy:
Stand your ground! It's obviously a trick.

Sheen:
Could you sign this, "To Sheen. With admiration and affection," please?

[Goddard barks at the Phantom while defending the boys, only for the Phantom to growl at him again]

Jimmy:
[as the Phantom chases them to pendulum ride] He's not real! He's a mythical construct!

Carl:
Hey, better safe than swallowed, Jimmy. Oh, he'll just climb in.

Jimmy:
Not if we're moving.

Carl:
Jimmy, what about science?!

Jimmy:
Science, science, zoopity zcience! He's outta control!

Sheen:
Jimmy! You're like a hamster! Or a gerbil! Or a dolphin or something!

Judy:
[to Hugh] Why don't you spend some quality time with Jimmy? It could be a special Father-Son day.

Hugh:
That's a great idea! I used to have those with my Aunty all the time! Only we called them Aunty-Nephew days, but it's probably the same basic, uh, idea. We could go to the park, we could, uh… eat cheese! We could even go to Retroland! I love those zig-zaggy lines! They're so … not … straight.

Judy:
[sighs] Oh, Hugh.

Hugh:
Now, glove up! Eyes on the ball! Gaylord Perry taught me this one! It's a "KnuckleBall"! Ready?!

Jimmy:
Brain blast! Carl, hand me that hamster trail. Sheen, get my magnifying ray. I'm gonna lure Mr. Wuggles back to the lab with the one thing no hamster can resist.

Judy:
Hugh, that was not our son! That thing had fur, and big teeth, and whiskers!

Hugh:
I've been calling him, "furry Jimmy."

Judy:
[over her mind] I'm never leaving you two alone again. Hmph! [walks off]

Cindy:
[to Jimmy] Okay, Neutron, you're outta control! I'm making a citizen's arrest!

Sheen:
I want a public defender!

Libby:
I... I want my music!

Carl:
[cries] I want my mommy! [whimpers and then smiles] And some fudge!

Jimmy:
[to Carl] You've exceeded the number of llama stickers on your lunchbox!

Carl:
[nervously] I know...but I... I have a special permit.

Sheen:
[rolls dice] 7! [chuckles] Your llama is sucked into a volcanic sinkhole, where flesh-eating bats will nip at his screaming face. [eats popcorn]

Carl:
Sheen, there aren't any volcanic sinkholes in Llama's Day Out!

Sheen:
Maybe that explains why I'm not having fun. [eats popcorn]

Jimmy:
[Enters] Hi, Carl. I ran out of chemicals mid-experiment and I know you got a chemistry set for your birthday?

Sheen:
[rolls dice] 11!

Carl:
Hey, you can use my chemistry set, Jim. [He gets his Mama's Boy chemestry set down from a shelf.] Oh, the potato's not included.

Jimmy:
Uh, that's okay. I assume it comes with a few cc's of ethyl mercaptin?

Carl:
Uh... no.

Jimmy:
Well, I can work around that. How about some, uh... dimercural sulfonative?

Carl:
Uh... yeah...? No.

Jimmy:
Tritium nitrate?

Carl:
I've got salt.

Jimmy:
Oh, Pukin' Pluto! How's a guy supposed to make a four-dimensional Hypercube molecule without access to the complete spectrum of inorganic chemicals?!

Sheen:
Welcome to my nightmare. [eats popcorn]

[Jimmy rolls his eyes.]

Carl:
[Walks over carrying a leaflet] Here you go, Jimmy. Check out this leaflet from inside the box.

Jimmy:
[reading leaflet] "Also try our Ultra-Deluxe model. Contains every element from aluminum to zirconium." Now, that's what I'm talkin' about! [suddenly blue, sighs] Aw, who am I kidding? I don't have any money, and my birthday's three months away.

Sheen:
[eats popcorn] Ah, quit procrastinating, Carl, for I'm not - forget it! I'm rolling for you right now! [rolls one die and piece of popcorn] 1! [chuckles] And Carl's llama falls down. Down into the sulfurous mud pit! How the snake god will be pleased!

Carl:
Hey, how could you roll the one if there are two dice?

Sheen:
Huh? Oh. Yeah... [Picks up the die and popcorn; suddenly grabs throat and chokes.] Someone get me the jaws of life!

Sheen:
Summer school. Trust me.

Cindy:
No thanks, Mrs. Neutron.

Libby:
Do you have any carrot sticks or maybe some antacid?

Sheen:
No donkey is safe from my mighty tail-pinning abilities!

Jimmy Android:
Morning, Mom. Be down in a minute. I love you. You're the best mom in the world.

Judy:
James Neutron, go to bed right now, and I mean you! Not the Jimmy Android that says nice things.

Jimmy:
Boy, moms are smart. Good night, Goddard.

Jimmy:
No more candy, no more problems. What are they gonna go? Riot? [becomes surprised in shock when he sees an angry mob rioting at him]

Crowd:
[chanting angrily] Down with Jimmy! Down with Jimmy! Down with Jimmy! Down with Jimmy…

Hugh:
I can't believe I'm saying that about my own son but, that candy is just too darn good.

Judy:
[holding up a sign with the words, "GIVE US CANDY NOW!"] Don't talk! Chant!

Hugh:
Down with Jimmy! Down with Jimmy!

Jimmy:
People, listen to me! It's only candy!

Cindy:
I say we hold him down and force him to make us more candy!

Hugh:
Good idea, go for his tiny legs! CHARGE!

[The angry mob starts coming closer to Jimmy]

Crowd:
ATTACK!!!

Jimmy:
Goddard, chopper mode!

Judy:
Oh, no you don't, mister! Grab him! Get him, right now! Pull him down!

Jimmy:
Goddard, plot a course for the most deserted place in town!

Libby:
What's that supposed to be?

Sheen:
The rare Punching Plant of Melbore 9, as seen in UltraLord episode 64, "Attack of the Salad Fixin's"!

Libby:
Looks like a boxing glove glued to a fern, if you ask me.

Sheen:
Well, nobody asked you! Anyway, what have you come up with that's so wonderful?

Libby:
I researched plants' responses to musical stimuli. This one got two hours of classic R&B a day while this one got two hours of Yodelling to the Oldies.

Sheen [pointing to the one that got two hours of Yodelling to the Oldies]:
That one looks dead.

Libby:
[shakes her head sadly] It never had a chance.

Miss Fowl:
No truck-driving in the hall!

Miss Fowl:
Confiscate! Must confiscate!

Judy:
Drop the toaster and run for it!

Miss Fowl:
Is that you, Ernest Abercrombie?! Where is your homework?! It was 28 years overdue!

Cindy:
If you think you're gonna be the hero here, Neutron, you are sadly mistaken. [holds out some seed pods from Jimmy's plant in her hand] These seed pods from your plant, prove that you are responsible for this whole thing.

Carl:
Ooh, finally, dinnertime! [swipes the seed pods out of her hand]

Cindy:
NO!

Carl:
[eats them] Mmm, oh, these are, mmm… [grows giant with green skin]

Sheen:
Whoa… Carl's huge!

Carl:
Hey… Hey, this is kind of cool! [laughs] I can see my house from here.

Jimmy:
I can fix him! I just need to get another toaster!

Cindy:
Uh-huh.

Jimmy:
And you guys need to… uh, get that DNA Ray out of Miss Fowl's stomach. Good luck, see ya, bye! [runs off]

Libby:
We gotta what?!

Sheen:
You heard him. We have to make our teacher toss the lunch monkey. We need a bucket, an umbrella and whatever they were serving for lunch in the caferteria on Thursday! Goddard, hit it!

[Goddard plays town-saving music]

Sheen:
Hey, Jimmy, I've been meaning to ask you something.

Jimmy:
I know, I know. Why am I carrying two lunches? Because of that bully Terry Finster! This way, after he steals mine, I still have something to eat!

Sheen:
Actually, I was going to ask you who would win in a fight between Big Foot and a Komodo Dragon, but your question's good too.

Hugh:
[to Jimmy] Just got a phone call from Terry's mom! Did you two have a little spat-a-roo?

Judy:
Hugh, the talk?

Hugh:
[clears throat] Once upon on time, a boy sparrow said to a girl sparrow, "Hey, nice feathers! Can I buy you some millet?" Well, the girl sparrow…

Jimmy:
You know what, dad? I would really love to hear the rest, but I'm having a small emergency, bye!

Hugh:
And when he got to her nest, he was alarmed to find out that her mother was a cantankerous old crow!

Judy:
Hugh!

Sheen:
You've gotta help me, Jimmy! If you don't, I'll have to ask complete idiots to help me and you know how unreliable they are!

Sheen:
Don't feel bad, Jimmy. You tried your best. It just wasn't anywhere near good enough.

Jimmy:
Just as I thought! Gentlemen, our Ultra Lord thief.

Sheen:
They're using Ultra Lord as a Nut-Cracker!

Jimmy:
I know I've said this a few times before, but this is my greatest invention ever! The Neutronic Sick Patch! Guaranteed to get you out of school for the day!

[Vortex residence; Sasha Vortex puts Cindy under acupuncture, wearing her bathing suit and covered in needles]

Mrs. Vortex:
Relax, Cindy, only 678 more needles to go.

[Wheezer residence; Mr. Wheezer has put Carl in a plastic bubble]

Mr. Wheezer:
[laughing] This is the same plastic bubble my father put me in for 14 happy years! Hey, there, Bubble Boy!

[Folfax residence]

Mrs. Folfax:
[holding a jar in the center of Libby's forehead with a wasp inside] Relax, Libby, it's only a little wasp. Your great-great-great grandmother used wasps to cure everything!

Hugh:
[playing the ukulele] ♪ You're my Honolulu Lulu! Lulu! Like a little cockatoo in a tutu! ♪

[Jimmy gets calls from his friends as his sick patches dissolved into their skins]

Cindy:
[in her bathing suit in her room] Your sick patch dissolved into my skin, Nerdtron!

Sheen:
Hey, Jimmy, my patch pulled a Houdini! Doesn't it rock?!

Libby:
Cure me or face the consequences!

Carl:
I DON'T WANT TO BE A BUBBLE BOY!

Jimmy:
Okay, okay, settle down! I can fix it! Carl, Sheen, sneak out and meet me in the you-know-what.

Jimmy:
We've reached our destination… [sniffs] the stomach.

Sheen:
[seeing toys in the stomach acid] Man. [sniffs] Carl eats a lot of junk, doesn't he? Hey, Carl! You're supposed to play with your toys, not eat 'em!

Carl:
I know, but they always look so colorful and chewy!

[As Jimmy cures everyone with vaccines, they all return to school]

Jimmy:
[back in school] I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm finally glad to be going back to normal enough for school.

Libby:
[also back in school with her wasp sting in the middle of her forehead] Yeah! I'm never getting sick again! Plus, one little sting from that wasp really hurt!

Cindy:
[also back in school as well, but with needle marks all over her body and still in her bathing suit] One little sting? Try 678 needles, Folfax, and then talk to me about pain!

Libby:
Wait a minute, Vortex. Why are you still in your bathing suit?

Cindy:
Oh. No reason.

Nick Dean:
[rocking back and forth, muttering helplessly] No more leeches, Mama, no more leeches, Mama, no more leeches, Mama.

Miss Fowl:
It's so good to have you all back! Now I'd like you to meet a new student! Please give a nice warm friendly welcome to Yentl Marmelstein!

Yentl:
Hi, I-sniff-gee-yuck-choo, oh sorry, I have a cold.

Everyone:
NO!

Libby:
Keep her away from us!

Sheen:
Unclean! Unclean!

Carl:
SANCTUARY! SANCTUARY!

Everyone:
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

[Everyone scrambles out of the classroom]

Miss Fowl:
I think they LIKE you!

Hugh:
What is this? Insect repellent? A compass? Toilet paper? These frilly luxuries will just weigh us down.

Judy:
Hugh, are you sure you know what you're doing?

Hugh:
Don't forget I was an Acorn Lad! I remember everything I ever learned like the song we used to sing! [singing] We are the Acorn Lads, something, something, the Acorn Lads.

Jimmy:
Come on, Goddard!

[Goddard runs out of the house and towards Jimmy but Hugh stops him]

Hugh:
No, no, no, no. [gives Goddard to Judy] No technology at all on this trip.

Jimmy:
Our camp! Our equipment! Everything's gone!

Sheen:
We're doomed!

Hugh:
Oh, it's no use! We're done for, and it's all my fault! The truth is, I'm a rotten camper! There, I said it. The other Acorn Lads used to dunk my head in the bug juice. I can't even make a stupid fire.

Jimmy:
Oh, don't worry, Dad. We'll find a way out of this. I don't care if you're a mediocre camper, I still think you're a great dad.

Hugh:
Thanks, son, I…I needed to hear that.

Sheen:
So you couldn't even make a fire.

Hugh:
Whoo-hoo! I can't believe it, Sugar-Booger! We're finally gonna get to see Ducks, one of the greatest musicals ever made!

[Sings]

When you're a duck,

You're a duck all the way,

From the first time you quack

To the last egg you lay!

[Jimmy uses his Time Accelerator on him, speeding him up.]

When you're a duck,

You live in a blind,

With a little o’range

And some fresh melon rind!

Du-u-u-u-u-u-ucks!

The Musical.

[Jimmy winks at the camera.]

Hugh:
Let's get a move on, puddin'. Don't wanna miss the overture! [Sings, to the tune of Beethoven's 5th Symphony] Da-da-da-duck! Da-da-da-duck! [Continues singing]

Judy:
Oh, Hugh. [To Jimmy] We'll be home around 11:30.

Hugh:
Eh, Jimbo, you want us to… wake ya up when we get home and reenact the show?

Jimmy:
Uh…no thanks.

[Hugh exits.]

Jimmy:
Suddenly, a scientist's lot might be a boring and lonely one, Goddard. [the doorbell rings] Saved by the bell. Here they come! [leaves his room to get the door; Carl and Sheen are there]

Sheen:
Hey, Jimmy, good news! I got the first season of Teenage Ultra Lord on DVD, with 162 awesome hours of bonus features and deleted scenes!

Carl:
Yeah. In one exciting episode, the actors flub their lines with hilarious results.

Jimmy:
Oh, sorry, guys, I can't. My parents are out and I can't have anybody over.

Sheen:
Your parents are gone? You're home alone? They won't be back till Ultra Lord knows when? Let's get ready to boogie!

Jimmy:
No, Sheen, seriously. I signed a legal document.

Sheen:
But think of the fun, the laughs, the excitement, the joy, the memories.

Cindy:
[holding Jimmy's shrink ray and points it at Carl] Hey, Wheezer. What would happen if I point this at you and press the button?

Carl:
Don't, don't. You'll make me real… [Cindy shrinks him; in high-pitched voice] small!

Tiny Carl:
[running around Amber, Courtney, and Tristan dancing like Peanuts characters] Don't step on me!

Jimmy:
[answering the phone as it rings] Jimmy Neutron, party monster.

Hugh:
Jimbo?

Jimmy:
[alarmed] Dad?!

[Cut to his parents driving back home with Judy driving with annoyance and Hugh wearing a big duck head]

Hugh:
Bad news. One of the actors in Ducks broke his wing, so I jumped on stage to fill in and, well, I kind of, sort of, I, uh, accidentally-

Judy:
[annoyed] He destroyed the entire set.

Hugh:
It could've happened to anybody. Anyways, we'll be home in about 5 minutes. See you soon, son! [tosses out the phone into the street, ending the call]

Jimmy:
[horrified, knowing he's gonna be in big trouble] 5 minutes?! NO!

Betty:
Hey, what's the matter, Jimmy? You okay?

Jimmy:
Nothing, everything's perfect.

Betty:
Good, because I am dancing till, I can't dance no more.

Jimmy:
[laughs] Ah, that's great. I mean, no, it's not! [turns to his watch] Estimate parental unit arrival time. [His watch reads T-minus 04:12] Okay, that was fun. Wish you could stay, but I understand. Time to call it a night. Thanks for coming, bye!

Libby:
We're not leaving the party. It finally got good, hmm!

Nick:
You can't kick me out. I'm… I'm me.

Carl:
Don't stop me, Jimmy. I've got feet of flames!

Carl:
Oh my favorite video game?" Oh no no it's too much pressure. "Ninja llamas in space?" Eh no. "Llama vs. Mega Dingo?" Eh… [gasps] Of course! "Llama palooza!" [sighs] Oh I love you most of all. [kisses the video game.]

Ultralord:
ARGH! That's gonna leave an ULTRA BRUISE!

Sheen:
ULTRALORD! NO!

Carl:
Oh, yeah! I'm bad! I DEFEATED ULTRALORD! [Sadly] And yet, I feel empty inside. Maybe it's because this game doesn't have any llamas?

Carl:
Ah, "Llama palooza."

Robo Fiend:
Now, prepare for the wrath of my Octiplash."

Principal Willoughby:
Jimmy, I'd like you to meet the new producer of Science with Jimmy!

[Cindy enters the room.]

Jimmy:
NO!

Principal Willoughby:
And... [Libby enters the room as well.] Your new co-host!

Jimmy:
NO!

Libby:
Jimmy, calm down. We know that you want the show to educate people. We deeply and genuinely respect that.

Jimmy:
NO!

Professor Calamitous:
And all those fools that laughed at me called me half-done and never-finished, which weren’t particularly good nicknames, but they stung, all the same.

Jimmy:
Well, wait a minute, if you never finish anything. How’d you finish that Robotic suit?

Professor Calamitous:
Who says it’s finished? I never put in a bathroom! Aah Speaking of which I’ll be right back.

Hugh:
Bathroom? Duck collection? Son?

Carl:
Ooh! Hop?

Jimmy:
Go fast and slip?

Sam:
Chew gum at the same time?

Professor Calamitous:
Ahh, never mind…

Miss Fowl:
Good report, Libby, but next time leave off the headphones. I've been asking you to wrap it up for the last 20 minutes.

Libby:
[not understanding] What?!

Miss Fowl:
I said, next time you can't…

Libby:
[still not understanding] Pardon?

Miss Fowl:
I said sit down! [gets up from her desk with graded chemistry tests as Libby sits back down] Now, class, time to hand back last week's chemistry test. [hands Cindy her graded test] Congratulations, Cindy. You got the best grade in the whole class.

Cindy:
A+. Pack it in, Neutron. Your best years are behind you. I got an A+ to your lowly…

Jimmy:
[holds up his graded test; smugly] Not a chance, Vortex. Now read it and weep!

Cindy:
A++?! Miss Fowl, I thought you said I got the best grade in class.

Miss Fowl:
I meant, except for Jimmy. Do I really need to say that every time?

Sheen:
You know, this wouldn't happen if you people would just wear your Ultra Lord Utility Belt!

Jimmy:
Carl, are you okay? Speak to me!

Carl:
Flying metal chicken.

Jimmy:
Oh, no. He's delusional!

Sheen:
Actually, Jimmy, I gotta go with Carl on this one. [points to a giant Yolkian chicken ship in the sky]

Jimmy:
The Yolkians.

Jimmy:
Attention, Retroville! This is the Neutron early alert system! This is an emergency! We're being invaded by Yolkians! All citizens report to the park immediately to defend the town!

Principal Willoughby:
Stop them before they're nice again!

Jimmy:
Mom, Dad, you can't honestly believe the Yolkians aren't evil anymore just 'cause they brought us presents.

Judy:
But such lovely presents, dear. Hugh, look at my new diamond earrings again.

Hugh:
Still beautiful. You see, Jim-Jim, evil spaceniks are people just like you and me, and like people, they deserve a second chance, especially the ones with huge bags of gifts.

Jimmy:
Well, the sooner they go back to Yolkus, the better, if you ask me.

King Goobot:
[flushes the toilet as he exits the bathroom] Hello, Neutrons. How are my three humanoid life forms doing?

Jimmy:
Mom! What's he doing here?!

Judy:
Didn't you tell him, Hugh?

Hugh:
[realizes] Nope. Must've slipped my mind. Jimbo, say hello to our new houseguest—- King Goobot!

Jimmy:
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait! Time out, here! We're letting an evil alien live in our house?!

Hugh:
Now, Jimbo, don't be rude. The Yokians are friendly now. They've even offered to fill in for all of us at our humdrum jobs for as long as we want.

Jimmy:
Mom, say something!

Judy:
How do you like your steak cooked, Mr. Goobot?

King Goobot:
Cooked?! Oh, uh, I mean, however you like it, my good woman.

Miss Fowl:
Good morning, children. Starting today, I'm taking an indefinite holiday. So say hello to your substitute teacher: Ooblar!

Jimmy:
What?!

Ooblar:
Thank you, old one.

Miss Fowl:
Thank you for the motorcycle. Ciao! [dashes away]

Ooblar:
Well, won't this be fun? I just know we're going to have a wonderful time getting to know each other.

Carl:
Um, Mr. Ooblar, may I go to the bathroom?

Ooblar:
WHY?! So you can plot a rebellion by passing notes through the sewers and rally the town to battle?! [all the students look at him] Uh… forget I said that. [laughs] I meant, of course you may.

Carl:
Actually, I kind of don't have to go anymore.

Jimmy:
Oh, what's the point of having a state-of-the-art laboratory if it won't help you prove Yolkians are evil?

[Goddard plays a recording of King Goobot's voice]

King Goobot:
[through recorder] Good people of Earth, there's no cause on an alarm. We come in peace.

Jimmy:
Hey, good idea, Goddard. If we scan Goobot's words through your lie-detector, we can see if he's telling the truth. Hit it, boy! [Goddard scans Goobot's words on his lie-detector drive and the screen displays "False"] Oh, no! They're just as evil as ever! Only this time they've come down to get us. Come on, we've gotta warn the others! [exits his clubhouse and runs to the back door, finding a note] What's this? Let's see. "Dear Jimmy, we went to the park to see the giant egg. Love, Mom and Dad." Giant egg? [gasps in horror] POULTRA!

Carl:
JIMMY PLUCKS A HAIR AND HOLDS IT UP TO THE DNA SCANNER NEXT TO THE CLUBHOUSE DOOR! [inhales] HIS COMPUTER'S NAME IS VOX! [scarfs down the sundae]

Sheen:
I am deeply ashamed of you, Carl. And quit eating all the nuts!

Cindy:
Thanks, boys. Let's do this again sometime.

Judy:
I'm worried about Jimmy, Hugh. He's alienated everyone in town with all this talk of evil Yolkians.

Hugh:
D'oh, you know boys. It's probably just a phase, like…collecting bugs or eating soup with your hands. I hear Jimbo's over this whole "evil" Yolkian thing by now.

Jimmy:
[runs into the kitchen] Mom, Dad, the Yolkians are planning on feeding the entire town to Poultra at today's picnic!

Hugh:
[spits out his drink] I stand corrected.

Judy:
What are you talking about Jimmy?

Jimmy:
They're transporting Poultra's water dish down from deep space. That means Poultra's not far behind! Whatever you do, don't go to the picnic today.

Hugh:
We're still going, right?

Judy:
Wouldn't miss it.

Jimmy:
They've used my regenerator to make a brand new Poultra!

Libby:
Okay, that concludes the boring and annoying portion of the program. Our next act…

Cindy:
[runs up on the stage and takes microphone out of Libby's hand] Wait! I think Jimmy's telling the truth!

Jimmy and Libby:
You do?

Cindy:
Yes! While I have no idea how the Yolkians could possibly have gotten into Jimmy's lab… Well, the point is, we owe Jimmy! Who saved us when hostile pants were on the loose in the streets? Who repelled the giant flaming meteor headed straight for town? Who risked his life to shrink Miss Fowl down to size when she was 50 feet tall? Okay, I know. All of those things were Neutron's fault in the first place, but he still risked his life to save us! The least we owe him is our trust!

Sam:
You know, the annoying blonde girl has a point.

Man:
Eh, she usually hates Jimmy.

Miss Fowl:
Well, Jimmy did save me from being a giant freak woman.

Libby:
Give it up for Jimmy! [the crowd cheers for him] We believe in you, Jimmy!

Principal Willoughby:
Now, wait just a minute. I'm not believing a word Jimmy says until I have some decent credible evidence. [Poultra roars in distance] Works for me.

[The townspeople start to run but a Yolkian pushes a button, closing the gates, trapping them]

Miss Fowl:
Sweet muffins, we're trapped!

[Poultra's water dish is released from under the stage]

Hugh:
[as the Yolkians release Poultra's water dish] Hey, look! Jimmy's wrong again. The nice Yolkians built us a swimming pool.

Judy:
Hugh, that's Poultra's water dish!

Cindy:
Neutron, if there were ever a time to put that big, freak brain to work, it's now!

Libby:
We're counting on you!

Jimmy:
OK! OK! Think, think, think… [tries to, but it was too late] I CAN'T DO IT! [crying] CINDY, YOU GOTTA HELP ME! I'M SORRY I WAS LEADER! I'LL NEVER GET US OUTTA HERE! [screams loudly] HELP!

Cindy:
[slaps Jimmy in the face] Get a grip, Neutron! We still have time to focus somehow… I think. First things first! Estevez, you come with me! We gotta distract Poultra together! Folfax, Wheezer, and Neutron! Keep that monster busy!

Jimmy:
If Dad competes, we lose for sure. Goddard, options. "Accept your father's limitations." Nah, too mature. "Pretend you're sick." I'm no quitter. "Cheat." Hmm…cheating would be dishonest, but I'm far too blinded by my desire to destroy Cindy to care. To the lab!

[Goddard's screen displays "Here we go again."]

Hugh:
Now, remember, son - there's no "I" in "team," you know what I mean?

Jimmy:
You mean we should sublimate our differences for the good of our combined effort?

Hugh:
What? No, no, I mean there's no letter "i" in the word "team." There's never a wrong time for a spelling lesson, son!

Hugh:
Sport, sport, zoopity zort! Losing blows eggwater!

Cindy:
Aunt Susie?!

Susie:
Yes, that's me! Olympic champion and buff chick magazine foldout, Susie Vortex!

Hugh:
Cheaters, cheaters, that means we win! Ooh, goody goody goody, give me that prize!

Coach Gruber:
Team Neutron is disqualified, which is called "Team Decarlo wins"!

Mr. Wheezer:
We won! And not a single injury! [drops the trophy]

Carl:
Oh, my foot!

Mr. Wheezer:
Oh, my back!

Carl & Mr. Wheezer:
[crash into each other] Ow! My head!

Mr. Wheezer:
Oh, I think I got a bone spur.

Carl:
Ooh! Leg cramp!

Mr. Wheezer:
My kidneys are on FIRE! [faints]

Hugh:
I remember my first sleepover. The games, the practical jokes, the crying for my mommy.

Judy:
Hugh, that was our honeymoon.

Hugh:
Yeah, I know.

Jimmy:
Gentlemen, welcome to what I expect to be the greatest sleepover in history.

Sheen:
Yeah! I baked galactic marshmallow balls from the Ultra Lord recipe book.

Carl:
And I brought a video of "Larry the Lovesick Llama"!

Jimmy:
You know, I think I have something you guys'll enjoy even more. Behold, the Slumbertron 9000, designed to throw the ultimate sleepover party. It provides the world's greatest made-to-order pizza, tells super scary stories, and supplies the perfect pillows for ultimate pillow fights!

Sheen:
Turn it on! Turn it on! Pizza, pillows, scary stories!

Jimmy:
Hey, hey, hey. Easy, Sheen. One thing at a time. This is the Slumbertron's maiden voyage. I suggest we begin with…the pillow fight.

Jimmy:
I'm hungry. How about some pizza?

Carl:
You read my stomach.

Sheen:
I want pepperoni and garlic and onions and anchovies…

Carl:
And peanut butter and clams and hot fudge. [Jimmy and Sheen look at him awkwardly over what he said] Don't knock it till you try it.

Jimmy:
Okay, okay, one ultimate pizza coming up.

Jimmy:
[slowly sits up; creepily] I believe the time has come for scary stories.

Carl:
Well, okay, but, um…not too scary, Jimmy, 'cause remember what happened [whispers] the last time when I got too scared?

Sheen:
Hey, did you bring your rubber sleeping bag?

Carl:
Yes.

Sheen:
Then what's the problem? Make it scream-your-head-off scary.

Jimmy:
One scream-your-head-off scary story coming up.

Carl:
[getting scared] It's just a story, it's just a story, it's just a story.

Dr. Dark:
Good evening. I am Dr. Dark, teller of terrible tales.

Sheen:
Hold up. Do you mean terrible like lousy, or terrible like scary?

Dr. Dark:
SCARY!

Sheen:
[frightened] Got it.

Jimmy:
The Slumbertron must've combined the pizza and scary story programs to create…

Carl:
A PIZZA MONSTER!

Jimmy:
I can't delete the pizza! The screen's frozen!

Pizza Monster:
Time for my dinner!

[The boys run away, screaming]

Carl:
HELP! WE'RE BEING CHASED BY A MONSTER!

Jimmy:
Mission accomplished.

Sheen:
If only it used its anchovies for good instead of evil.

Carl:
I'm starving. Let's eat!

Pizza Monster:
Fools! Haven't you ever heard of sequels?

Jimmy:
[after a nightmare] Oh, it was only a nightmare. An anchovy, clam and peanut butter induced nightmare. [sees his parents running down the stairs until Hugh wakes up screaming]

Hugh:
Whew! That was a doozy.

[After Carl wakes up from a nightmare screaming from mutant pizza]

Carl:
Bad dream! Bad dream! [sees Sheen getting attacked by Pizza Monster]

Sheen:
[screams] Phew. I guess it was all just a dream. Hey Carl, I- [But Carl is nowhere to be seen. He picks up Pizza Monster in two hands, making the Pizza Monster terrified.]

[After the Pizza Monster wakes up from a nightmare screaming.]

Pizza Monster's Wife:
Honey, what is it?

Pizza Monster:
Oh, I had the most horrible dream. There were 3 terrible children, a tubby one, a maniac one and one with a giant head!

Pizza Monster's Wife:
I told you, dear. There's no such thing as children, now go back to sleep.

[Both go back to sleep in their pizza box beds.]

Jimmy:
I have to bring back the old Dad, and I've gotta do it fast!

Sheen:
I smell a Brain Blast!

Carl:
Oh, is that what that is? [snorts] I thought it might be the cheese ball I've been carrying around since I was 3. [He shows a rotten cheese ball.] I call him Cheesy.

[Jimmy makes a face, then begins thinking.]

Jimmy:
Think, think, think…!

[A memory of Hugh catching Jimmy is shown.]

Jimmy:
Brain Blast!

Sheen:
Told ya. [Eats Carl's cheese ball]

Sheen:
Mars has a tiny moon! Ours is bigger.

Carl:
Sheen, stop teasing the planets.

Jimmy:
Take a look, everyone. We're the first humans to set foot on an asteroid.

Sheen:
Wow, fascinating. Okay, I'm bored.

Libby:
Aah! Our rubies!

Jimmy:
These aren't real aster-rubies. They're fool's rubies.

Cindy:
Fool's rubies?

Jimmy:
They're spectral signature is almost identical to aster-rubies. The scanner mistook them for the real thing. Looks like we came all this way for nothing.

Sheen:
Bummer. Can I keep playing with my shovel?

Libby:
How could you misread your own readings?

Cindy:
Yeah, Neutron. I'll bet there are more rocks in your big head than there are in this stupid asteroid. What are we supposed to do now?

Jimmy:
I don't know. We could spend years searching the rest of the belt. We'd just be wasting our time.

Sheen:
Hey, look on the bright side, guys. At least we still have our health. [bites his burrito and feels a pain in his tooth] Ow! Carl, what did you put in this burrito?!

Carl:
Nothing. Just some rice from the galley and some beans I found growing in the ground.

Libby:
I'll give you three seconds to get away from my ruby stash!

Sheen:
What are you talking about? I was just going to the little miner's rooms.

Libby:
Like you had no idea these were here.

Sheen:
Hey, sweet hiding place. My rubies are over there by that strange rock formation. You made me tell! You want my rubies you jewel thief?!

Libby:
Gem stealer!

Carl:
Ruby madness! Ruby madness!

Cindy:
Will you stop shouting that?!

Libby:
He tried to raid my ruby stash!

Cindy:
[scoffs] You told me your stash was by the rocket. You lied!

Libby:
So what?! I happened to know you lied about your hiding place!

Cindy:
Liar!

Libby:
Crook!

Carl:
Ruby madness.

Libby, Sheen, and Cindy:
BE QUIET!

Jimmy:
What's wrong with you guys?! You've been fighting ever since we got rid of those stupid bandits. Are we gonna let a few priceless gems turns us into savages?

Hugh:
Oh, I could do this for hours!

Libby:
Mr. Neutron, please! You're giving us massive brain freeze!

Jimmy:
He sent us back 2,000,000 years!

Carl:
What's that, Jim?

Jimmy:
He sent us back 2,000,000 years!

Hugh:
[low growling, slurping] Oh, Sam. I could eat your ice cream all day long. So I think I will. [rewinding]

Everyone:
[grossed out] Ew! That's disgusting! Horrible! Gross!

Sam:
You've been re-eating the same ice cream for hours! It's disgusting- you're out of here!

Hugh:
[gasps] You're right Sam. Mustn't overdo a good thing. Well, I'll just be going. Just let me finish my Purple Flurp. [belches and repeats]

Everyone:
Gross. Stop.

[Hugh belches and repeats]

Sam:
Sweet mercy. [faints]

Jimmy:
Watch out for its retractable claws… unless it spits venom, then watch out for having your eyes dissolved.

Sheen:
Wha - how can I watch if my eyes are dissolved?

Carl:
No, watch before they're dissolved!

Sheen:
Watch my eyes? That doesn't make any sense.

Jimmy:
Guys, please!

Carl:
Leppy!

Jimmy:
Carl, no!

[At the Neutron Residence, Judy answers the front door and sees her husband being carried by the angry townspeople]

Hugh:
Hi, Sugarbooger. [the angry townspeople set him down] Remember how I promised I'd never be brought home by an angry mob again?

Sam:
He disgusted all my customers, yeah!

Libby:
He gave us brain freeze!

Maggie:
He made me experience the miracle of birth again and again and again! [breaks down, sobbing]

Sam:
Yeah, yeah, birth.

Judy:
Alright, everyone. I'll handle things from here.

Sam:
Somebody give me a ride home now.

Hugh:
Now, Sugarbooger, I know it looks like I may have misused the power to control time and space for my own advantage, but on the positive side…

Judy:
Mm-hmm. [grabs Hugh by the ear]

Hugh:
Ow! Honey, that's my ear. I use it to listen with. Ow!

[Judy puts Hugh in a cage as punishment]

Jimmy:
What a relief. All the changes we made don't seem to have altered the timeline. [enters the house] Mom, Dad, I'm back! [sees his father in a cage] Oh, no! We did alter the timeline! We created a world where human males are slaves to a race of female warriors!

Sheen:
Oh, no! [he and Carl run out of the house to Cindy and Libby]

Carl:
Have mercy, mighty overlords.

Sheen:
Spare us and we shall serve you well!

[Cindy and Libby look at each other, baffled]

Judy:
Sweetie, relax. I just put your father in there to keep him from annoying the townspeople. Now, you were saying Hugh?

Hugh:
I'm sorry, honey.

Jimmy:
[after Leppy rewinds the entire episode; surprised] Not again.