The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, TV Series

Waiter:
Would you all like to see the menu? Or would you care to meet the main dish of the day?

Arthur:
Meet?

Trillian:
What is it?

Waiter:
It's an Ameglian Major Cow. I'll bring him over.

Zaphod:
Ok, we'll meet the meat. that's cool. [a large Pig-like creature is wheeled in on a trolley]

Dish of the Day:
Bweeeh... [clears throat] Good evening, Madam and Gentlemen. I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in parts of my body? [Arthur and Trillian go "Huh?"]

Ford:
Oh, well.

Dish of the Day:
Something off my shoulder, perhaps, brazed in a little White Wine sauce?

Arthur:
Your shoulder?

Dish of the Day:
Well, naturally mine, sir. Nobody else's is mine to offer. [clears throat] The, uh, rump is very good, sir. I have been exercising and eating plenty of grain so there's a lot of good meat there. [moos] Or a casserole of me, perhaps?

Trillian:
You mean this animal actually wants us to eat it?

Ford:
Me, I don't mean anything.

Bodyguard:
OK, Hotblack. Black ship's ready to crash into the sun of Kakrafoon. Time to get there ourselves.

Zaphod:
Listen, Earth man, you've got a job to do, right? The question to the ultimate answer, right? There's a lot of loot tied up in that, er, head thing of yours.

Arthur:
Yes, but where do we start? The ultimate answer's 42. What's the question? How should I know? Could be anything. I mean, what's 6 times seven?

Zaphod and Trillian:
42.

Marvin:
42.

Arthur:
Yes, I know that! Just saying it could be anything. [chuckles] Why ask me?

Zaphod:
Because you're the last one! You were there when your planet did the big firework!

Arthur:
I do wish you'd stop saying that!

Marvin:
I know.

Ford:
Ah, shut up, Marvin! This is organism talk!

Marvin:
It's grated in the Earth man's brainwave patterns but I don't suppose you'll be very interested in knowing that.

Arthur:
You mean you can see into my mind?

Marvin:
Yes.

Arthur:
And?

Marvin:
It amazes me how you manage to live in anything that small.

Number Three:
Captain?

Captain:
Yes, Number Three?

Number Three:
I've just had a sort of report thingy from Number One.

Captain:
Oh, dear.

Number Three:
He was shouting something or other about having found some prisoners.

Captain:
Oh, well, perhaps it'll keep him happy for a bit. He's always wanted some.

Number One:
[entering the Captain's room with Ford and Arthur] Captain, sir!

Captain:
Oh, hello, Number One! Having a nice day?

Number One:
I've brought you the prisoners I located in Freezer bay 7, sir.

Ford and Arthur:
Hi.

Captain:
Hello. Excuse me not getting up, just having a quick bath. Oh, well. Gin and Tonics all round! Look in the fridge there, Number Three.

Number Three:
Certainly, sir.

Number One:
Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir?

Captain:
Why on Golgafrincham should I want to do that?

Number One:
To get information out of them, sir. Find out why they came here, sir.

Captain:
No, no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick Gin and Tonic, don't you?

Number One:
Sir, they're my prisoners. Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?

Captain:
Oh, very well. Ask them what they want to drink.

Number One:
Thank you, sir. Alright. [grabs Ford's collar] You scum! You vermin!

Captain:
Steady on, Number One!

Number One:
What do you want to drink?

Ford:
Well, Gin and Tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?

Arthur:
Hmm? Yes.

Number One:
With ice? Or without?

Ford:
[thinks for a second] With, please.

Number One:
Lemon?

Ford:
Umm, yeah. Oh, and do you have any of those little biscuits? You know, the cheesy ones?

Number One:
I'm asking the questions!

Captain:
Number One. Push off, will you, there's a good fellow. I'm trying to take a relaxing bath! [blows into his bubble pipe]

Number One:
May I respectfully remind you that you've now been in that bath for over three years.

Captain:
Yes, well, one needs to relax a lot in a job like mine.