Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 1

Tom:
oh brother, my goodness, actually it's been pretty good you know? Joy and the boys have been on vacation, just really freed me up, to work on some of my writing, and it gets a little lonely sure, but you know life thats life.

Tom:
Oh I'm sorry I thought you been finished by now

Tom:
Sfew, wow

Tom:
Awm its Tom Peters

Tom:
Oh fair enough aw, actually before I get started aw this probably a stupid question but is that island theme park in Jefferton?

Tom:
Awh hu Tom: Ok we can kinda do pony rides

Mayor:
My sweet chip chips.

Mayor and Dr. Ian Black:
(doing a weird sort of handshake) Ricka ticka tick tock tick tock tock! Ring! Ringa ding ding ringa ding ding! Ricka dick rick ricka dick rick! Ringa dinga ding ding dong! Rim rim rim rim!

Mayor:
Michael! How long has it been old friend?

Black:
Too long, you sassy devil.

Mayor:
You CRABAPPLE!

Black:
You delicious horseshoe crab!

Mayor:
Ohhh I'd grab you with my claws if I had any!

Black:
I'd pinch you so hard!

Mayor:
Ohhh... Ooohhhhhh

Black:
Who's this guy? (Points at Tom)

(Tom looks very awkward)

Mayor:
Oh, shoot that's Torn, Tash, Tennis, Temmes, Tango, Cash, Taaaaay....

Black:
He looks like a Steven to me!

(Both of them laugh)

Mayor:
Ahahaha Oooh Steven.

Black [overt sarcasm]:
Hello, Steven.

Tom:
Well, actually it's Tom Peters, and it's good to meet you (Extends his hand for Black to shake)

(Awkward silence as Black ignores him)

Mayor:
So Michael, they tell me your a doctor of energy now.

Black:
Yeah, its a great gig! You are not gonna believe the company car they just gave me.

Mayor:
Not a Le Baron...

Black:
A Le Baron!

(They do the handshake again, with Tom looking increasingly awkward.)

--

Funputer:
Funputer does not recognise the word "who". Did you mean "horsey"?

Funputer:
sorry my little friend Funputer is running low on disc space "please select a file to delete""please select a file to delete now"

Funputer:
'ha ha ha solong my sweet tiny child"

Mayor:
citizens of Jefferton I know what you are thinking of this video, aw hold on can we take a take two on that, citizens of Jefferton I'm sorry for, aw uh thats not working, alright get it together, one, two, come on Jefferton its me.

Mayor:
Hello Tom

Mayor:
great come on in

Mayor:
wow Tom thank goodness let me here them.

Mayor:
awl Tom you better get that leg up.

Mayor:
awl no!, why?, why?

Mayor:
awl Tom what happen to your foot?

Mayor:
yay but your a mess down their

Mayor:
mow, mow, mow, oh no

Mayor:
oh sweet sandel it will be okay, we will get you fixed up i promise.

Mayor:
emergency!

Mayor:
hold on a sec whare is that beautiful music coming from?

Mayor:
wonderful bravo, bravo

Mayor:
o but he sounds like a winged angel though

Mayor:
hew what a wonderful shop

Mayor:
go ahead Tom I'm all ears, ha, ha, ha, get it

Mayor:
you know the deaf boy, and i said ears ha ha ha ha

Mayor:
thank you sir, you made them strong i can see that, and i honor you i just wish their was a way to repay you for all the wonderful work you have done here. Mayor: absolutely not

Mayor:
tsh shhh the sandelman is speaking

Mayor:
ha ha ha ha ha (crying)

Mayor:
ladies and gentilmen, if i may i guarantee that team mayor will win this challenge at which point i poromise to give all the prize money to this little sweet boy Shamus so he may become a strong and normal boy.

Mayor:
Tom! give me some heat, up, up and away.

Mayor:
bonvagea

Mayor:
ha ha ha ow ,brang brang brang, ow yeah ha ha

Mayor:
look Tom the great Jefferton Steeple.

Mayor:
it is too gorgeous up here ha ha

Mayor:
aw just smell that fresh air ha ha ha ow wow

Mayor:
Tom look at it, look at it lap 100

Mayor:
come on Tom you dont have to lie about it

Mayor:
you wanted this mission to fail from the begiening didn't you, Tom?

Mayor:
i wont do that if i were you

Mayor:
ewl aw ewl aw pretty, aw pretty clouds awl owww ah Roy? is that you? how could you turn that video in, awl that was something special between you and me ah

Mayor:
we did it Tom

Mayor:
looks like the sandelman

Mayor:
sandelman!

Mayor:
we are to heavy Tom we got to beat him to the 5000 lap mark, we got to throw Seamus over board

Mayor:
come on he is dead weight Tom, he hasn't helped out at all, we need to tie some sandbags around his legs to soften the fall

Mayor:
Tom I'm relieving you of your post, you're know longer fit to captain this ship, come on Tom after me

Tom&Mayor:
one, two, thrayyyyyyyy

Mayor:
full stream ahead

Mayor:
Tom give me your sandal, try this on for size(throwing)

Mayor:
wow Tom, three cheers to ya, we did it

Mayor:
no thank you for your great pr work budy

Mayor:
aw look at him Tom

Mayor:
aw poor Seamus is going to need a father now I'm really hoping you could step up to that challenge

Mayor:
Seamus?(dead)

Tom:
Todd shut up!!!

Todd:
cut, cut, cut

Mayor:
oh a movie shoot

Mayor:
I heard this Calcucorn can do your taxes with the press of a button!

Tom:
Too much tobacco and sexuality!

Mayor:
Tom, it's Pipe Camp, live a little!

Tom:
Well, I just wanna start with uh.. I am not an astronaut. I'm sorry to say.

Mayor:
Tom, what you're probably smelling is the cat food, I've been coming by every night to feed you, and since you're unconscious, I would take a dollop of the wet cat food and stick it in your mouth, and then move your jaw up and down, in a chewing motion (Tom gets nauseous).

Tom:
I think I have a BM in my pants.

Mayor's nephew:
Fill out your menu card and hand it to the nearest veteran.

Sandalman:
Shamus is deaf I'm afraid. Deaf as a door nail!

Mayor:
Hi I'm the Mayor, Welcome to the department of families lets get you started, please enter your 23 digit family code, followed by the 11 digit confirmation pin.

Mayor:
ok, i can't find that number you entered, please make sure the number is correct and try again. or simpley speak your name, now.

Mayor:
thank you Tom, I'm seeing that you have step-children, living in your shanTY, your family status has been upgraded to ILLEGAL.

Mayor:
we will be holding your wife and step children, in a family holding cell until your wife and basterds are legitament.

Mayor:
It's mayyyyor's niiiight, rim dim dim dim do