Wizards of Waverly Place, Season 1

Justin:
Edgebonoutoosis! [He clones the rabbit]

Jerry:
Good! Thank you Justin! That is how you execute the duplication spell properly. Real rabbit, duplica... duplicate rabbit real rab.. It's... ANYWAYS, there's two now!

Max:
What's the big deal? They're rabbits. Wait 5 minutes and they'll duplicate by themselves.

Gigi:
Bonjour Alex. Bonjour Alex's friend.

Harper:
Nice shoes!

[Alex gives Harper a look]

Harper:
I mean.. Pfft! I don't care about you or your shoes!

Gigi:
Yeah. I've had these shoes for about a week. Oh, I mean I'd give them to you, but I'm already donating them to :another charity.

Alex:
No! You should keep them. They go well with your eyebrow.

Gigi:
Well, at least I don't have man-hands. How do you get those meat-stubs through your sleeves?

Harper:
And what happened to you two? Pick your noses so hard they fell off?

Gigi:
They got nose jobs.

Gigi's Copycat Crew:
When they heal, they'll look exactly like Gigi's!

Alex:
Oh. Maybe we're all monkeys!

Alex:
So what you are saying is that getting back at Gigi was really hurting myself?

Jerry:
No, but I like that better.

Alex:
Well, since I figured that one out, I should pick my own punishment?

Jerry:
No. Why don't you take my punishment, and duplicate it? You're grounded for 1 week.

Alex:
Does that mean 2 weeks?!

Jerry:
Oh, now it's four. I love this game!

Alex:
You know a lot of stuff about stuff people don't care about, which is great. But I know relationships. I know how girls think!

Justin:
So do I! They're right brained dominant and they have a slightly larger hyper-tholimus!

Alex:
There you go again, knowing stuff people don't care about.

Justin:
You may find this hard to believe, but...I've never kissed a girl before.

Alex:
[smugly] I find it hard to believe that you think I'd find that hard to believe.

Alex:
I just proved that not only do I know girls, but I also know guys.

Justin:
No, you got Matt to ask out my girlfriend!

Alex:
Oh.

Justin:
So Alex, what was your first kiss like?

Alex:
You know, it was in this place...with this guy...and it was very romantic. Over Christmas Vacation.

Max:
We went to Grandma's over Christmas Vacation.

Justin:
Wait a minute! You haven't kissed a guy yet! [smugly] I so have this over you now!

Alex:
No you don't!

Justin:
I know so when I go to school tommorow and tell everyone you've never kissed anyone, no one'll care.

Alex:
Hey Justin!

'[Justin looks over at Alex. Alex grabs a random boy and kisses him.]

Alex:
Now you've got nothing over me!

Justin:
I'm gonna get even!

Alex:
Hah-yeah. Okay. That'll never happen. Remember the time you wanted to get "even with me"? I got the bigger bedroom and you got what?

Justin:
[he says embarrased] Shot-gun on that one trip to the outlet mall..

Alex:
Exactly, some things never change!

Alex:
Oh! Some chocolate! Oh wait, that's not a straw!

Max:
We didn't play paintball!

Justin:
...What are pigeons eating now a'days?

Gurt Barn Lady:
[takes picture of Harper] [monotone voice] I know you've only been working here four hours, but congratulations. You're Employee of the Month. I almost won it 4 times, but I lost cause I take too many breaks. That reminds me. It's time for my break.

Alex and Harper:
[Singing the Funky Hat Song] What's that? A hat? Crazy, funky, junky hat! Overslept? Hair unsightly? Trying to look like Keira Knightley? We've been there, we've done that! We see right through your funky hat!

Frankie:
AAAHH! He's after me!!!

Justin:
You don't know our dad. He'll throw a tantrum. And you'll know because it sounds like this. Wadigibadee hobadee ha! HA! ALEX!"

Jerry:
Ooh! A catwalk! [Walks on it like a model]

Max:
Not to mention she left me on Mars.

T.J.:
I'll show you a lair!

Max:
[To Alex] Wow, you weren't kidding He really does do that.

Jerry:
You are in SO MUCH trouble, young lady!

Alex:
...I know. (she hugs him, and he points his finger up speechlessly)

Alex:
That's not magic.

Justin:
How do you know I didn't forget my locker combination and then used magic to remember it?

Alex:
Because you made up a locker combination song.

Alex (with Justin joining in):
Right to clear it come on let's hear it! 23, left 8 digits, but don't fidget, 31. Now for the last, don't go too fast! 6 and you're off to class! WHOO!

Justin:
Mom and Dad are charmed? WHAT?! HOW?! WHEN?! WHO?!

Alex:
Mom and Dad.

Justin:
WHAT?! HOW?! WHEN?!

Alex:
At Dinner.

Justin:
WHAT?! HOW?!

Alex:
It was in the Kugle

Justin:
WHAT?!

Alex:
Justin, I think you know what!

Alex:
Dad got all tensed and frustrated like how he acts when he's around you and your dolls.

Justin:
[is scrubbing the teeth on his pig] Action-figures. Collectibles. In their original packaging.

Alex:
No I got a D on the test. I'm pretty sure I'm right.

Alex:
What happened to your faces? Applied your makeup with a hammer?

Gigi:
(laughs with her friends)

Harper:
You didn't come for the tea. You came to protect me.

Alex:
I'll always be there to protect you.

Alex:
(finding a truth spell) Truth spell. Truth spell. (reads and casts a spell) Some are evil, some are kind, now all must speak their mind.

Alex:
Oh, this is going better than I thought. Hey everybody! I'm a wizard!

Everyone':
huh alex:just kidding

Justin:
C'mon guys, hurry! We've got to go check on Dragon!

Max:
Why? If anyone messes with him, he'll just breathe fire.

Alex:
(Annoyed) That's what we're worried about.

Max:
What? I thought we just didn't want him to take leaks in the house.

Justin:
C'mon, Dragon, let's go up to my room.

Theresa:
Wait, Justin.

Alex:
What's going on?

Theresa:
Those flyers you put up worked. Dragon's rightful owner came and picked him up.

Alex:
His owner?

Theresa:
I'm sorry, honey.

Frankie:
You lost your found dog? Why don't you rest your head on Frankie's shoulder and tell him ALL about it?

Alex:
I would, but I don't have time for you to get a ladder.

Frankie:
The guy came out with the dog and bought this. A program for the Hudson Dog Show.

Alex:
The Hudson Dog Show? When is it?

Frankie:
Why dontcha buy a copy and find out?

Alex:
I have to buy it?

Frankie:
Would I come into your restaurant, lick a sandwich and leave? ZINGER! That'll be $8.00 please.

Alex:
Ugh, okay.... ( reads the program) IT'S TODAY! I'd like to return this for a refund. ( takes money back) ZINGERR!

Theresa:
Oh Maxy, promise you'll never grow up and leave me!

Max:
But I'm supposed to be taking out the trash.

Theresa:
Oh, no. Your daddy will take out the trash.

Max:
Thank you, daddy.

Jerry:
Save it.

Jerry:
Alex, lets give it a try. Now, lets say you havent eaten for days and You're in desperate need for a sandwich. What do you do?

Alex:
I walk over to the sandwich shop and have Mom make me a sandwich.

Jerry:
Okay, yes, but Mom's not here.

Justin:
Wheres Mom?

Jerry:
It's not important where she is, umm, she's gone, she left the country.

Justin:
She left the country? Why, is she ok?

Jerry:
Yes, she's fine.

Alex:
Well if she's fine, I don't see why she can't make me a sandwich.

Jerry:
Here, I've already written one down for you, just read that and concentrate.

Max:
Satisfy my empty belly, make me a peanut butter and jelly. [Max turns into a PBJ sandwich]

Jerry:
You see what I just did there? I just illustrated the dangers of "Spell Improv". '[Justin is about to eat Max] Ha-di-di-da! You have to use your words very carefully because in the Wizard World they take you literally. So, when Max said "Make me a peanut butter and jelly," they made him a peanut butter and jelly. [Justin begins to open Max and throws him back onto the couch] Yhoy!

Alex:
Oh, I get it! Let me try it. Although I love such tasty snacks, I'd rather have my brother Max. [Max turns back into a human]

Justin:
Hello!

Max:
[To Justin] Hey, thanks for not eating me.

Jerry:
Alex, you're a natural.

Alex:
Thanks, that wasn't even true!

Justin:
I'm sensing you have a devious and poorly thought out plan to get into this Ruby Donahue movie. I'm gonna ask you to leave me out of it.

Alex:
Gladly. [As they walk away from each other, Alex gets in an isolated space.] I'm old enough to hang with actress model spokeswoman Ruby Donahue, so get me into Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2. [Alex is zapped away and is in an unvacant room with lots of pajama-clad teenagers]

Alex:
Is that Ruby Donahue over there?

Party Member:
No, silly! That's Bambi, the sensitive one! Just stay in character and scream when it's your turn.

Alex:
[Alex, confused, walks towards the screen and finds out she is in the actual Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2 film] Oh, my goodness, I'm in the movie.

Party Member:
And just in time, too! We're about to have a super fun Halloween pillow fight in our pajamas!

Alex:
Maybe you're a little old to be in a sorority?

Party Member:
Aren't you a little young?

Alex:
Fair enough. [grabs a pillow and begins smashing it over the guest while everybody does the same. Suddenly a phone rings, causing everybody to stop in fear] What's the matter? S'just a phone...why did the music get all scary?

Justin:
[plays arcade games and stops upon seeing his friends] Why are you guys out of the movie? It's not even over yet!

Friend #1:
Justin, that movie is WAY too scary! There's somethings in life you cannot unsee!

Justin:
Where's Alex? She said she'd catch up with you guys.

Friend #2:
She never did. But weirdly enough, there's an actress in the movie that looked just like her.

Justin:
Really?

Friend #2:
Yeah, and she even sounded kinda like her, and she was wearing the exact same outfit as her. Weird, right?

Justin:
[now understanding that Alex did a spell on herself to get in the movie, he begins making sarcastic answers] Yeah, that's weird. What'd you get on that deductive reasoning test?

Friend #2:
99%, why?

'Justin:
Now thats even weirder. Would you guys excuse me for a moment? [runs to the same isolated space Alex was in] Alex Russo has messed up and put herself in a movie. Put me also in that movie. [fails to get zapped] That didn't even sound like a spell. OK, what rhymes with "movie"? Boovy, juvy, loovy, PLANT! [realizes that "movie" and "plant" don't rhyme] Plant...this is going to take a while. [leans against the wall, looking for a spell that will work]

Alex:
Hey, you're Ruby Donahue!

Ruby:
Who are you?

Alex:
Alex.

Ruby:
Are you the evil sorority sister who's come back from the grave to punish us for our cute but reckless destruction of perfectly good pillows?!?!

Alex:
What? No! I'm just a kid, I don't even know what I'm doing in this movie.

Ruby:
Me neither. This was all my agent's idea!

Alex:
Oooh, there's that music again! Where's it coming from?

Ruby:
This is the part where I run screaming into the showers for no reason at all.

Alex:
Well, it was nice meetin' ya.

Ruby:
You too!

Justin:
[finally getting inside the movie] ...in a groovy movie! Well, the 1970s would've worked.

Theresa:
[after seeing two movie clerks talking about two new characters in Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2] Miss, two tickets for that, uh, disaster...party--bingo!--Halloween thing, yeah.

Jerry:
Ok Max, now that your full powers are here. its time for the hat.

Alex:
Oh not the hat!

Max:
What hat?

Alex:
Dad that hats so ugly!

Max:
What hat?!?!

Theresa:
I cant believe my mijito is ready for the hat!

Max:
Somebody tell me about the hat already!

Justin:
Oh, so its like giving a burgler your money so it doen't steal it!

Max:
I know a Jeannie. Jeannie Kowalski. Jeannie's dont like it when you flick them in the ear. Thats lesson number one.

Jerry:
No, lesson number one is leave that girl alone. Shes bigger than you.

Alex:
I fell asleep on table 5 one night, its pretty comfortable.

Justin:
What did you do!?

Alex:
Max, how would you get a genie to come back to her lamp?

Max:
I know, orange soda.

Alex:
What?

Max:
If someone poured orange soda in my room i'd be really mad.

Theresa:
You spilled orange soda in your room again didn't you? What did we say about taking it up there?

Max:
See shes really mad and going to my room.

Alex:
Please believe me. You have to believe me. You can't let him be invisible forever; I grew up with him. You know he may dorky, and annoying, but he's fun, and gullible to pull pranks. He's my brother I need him back.

Alex:
(sees Justin in wizard's clothing) You know, you remind me of someone…Terry something? Umm…Barry something? Larry something? Oh, never mind.

Jerry:
WOULD IT HURT TO GET US A LITTLE TURKEY JERKY?!?

Jerry:
(Alex admits she used the portal key, stammering) AHH! THE...PORTAL...G...G...[SCREAMS]

Theresa:
Okay, and on the way we can pick up your new wizard's robes!

Justin:
Oh, no, Mom. They do just black bathrobes now. Wizard's robes are too formal for these casual times.

Door:
[SINGSONGING] DUN-DUN-DUN...

Justin:
I'll see you in the finals, jerk.

Hugh Normous:
[during 12 ball semi-finals] He did it! He hit the tattler!

Jerko Phoenix:
Looks like it's just you, me and destiny.

Jerry:
Oh, I love porcini mushrooms.

Salad Girl:
That's what the hot dog guy in Washington Square Park said.

Max:
Get your Bronxstrami. Central Park sandwich. Right here at the Sub station!

Jerry:
Hey, it's working.

Salad Girl:
Salads make you perky. Sandwiches make you sleepy.

Max:
Salads are un-American!!

Dr Evilini:
Did my messenger fish just tell you my evil plan?

Alex:
No.

Messenger Fish:
All right, this time pay attention, 'Dear Mamma, you'd be proud to know that after the twelve ball tournament reveals the best young wizard I will drain [Alex puts hand over the messenger fish's mouth]

Alex:
Ok, maybe he did tell me.

Alex:
Oh, come on, she isn't that cute!

Justin:
Yes, she is!

Alex:
No, she isn't!

Justin:
Uh huh.

Alex:
Wow. Dad is mad inside and out.

Kelbo:
Okay, let's talk about it. (disappears with the kids)

Jerry:
Very good, Justin. Alex, you're up.

Alex:
Oh, okay. This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill its slot. [a brick appears] Oh! It's a pretty dove!

Jerry:
No. Oh! It's a pretty brick. You weren't concentrating. Max, you're up.

Max:
This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill with snot. [dove sneezes] I said snot, didn't I?

Justin:
Got it.

Alex:
Does he have to say, "Got it" after every question? It's throwing me off on my exam.

Max:
[surprised] We're taking an exam?

Max:
Why doesn't Dad just grade our papers?

Professor Crumbs:
So that no one will get better grades just by batting their eyes and trying to look cute.

Alex :
[batting her eyes and looking cute] Are you talking about me?

Justin:
[mocking Alex's expression] Alex, you're doing it right now.

Jerry:
Hey, what's that?

Alex:
[hastily] Uh...

Alex:
These parents are now not...

Jerry:
What're you doing?

Alex:
...two guinea pigs should fill their slot.

Alex:
What did I just do? I panicked! I needed to buy myself more time.

Report Card:
To do what?

Alex:
To panic!

Justin:
I don't know why you guys even bothered taking that test. We all know that I'm the one that's gonna win the family wizard contest and keep my powers.

Jerry:
That's not for a long while, Justin.

Alex:
And what if they change the rules so only girls keep their powers? Oh, wait, you still might win.

Justin:
Oh, Alex, you're so transparent. You know that I'm better than you at magic, so you have to lash out and make fun of me. And, you don't take any of this magic seriously.

Alex:
I can't take *you* seriously. You use big words like "transparent". What are you, British?

Professor Crumbs:
No, but I am.

Alex:
[Professor Crumbs, who was about to take Alex's powers, is turned into guinea pig] Don't look at me, I don't have my powers!

Jerry:
[shocked] Justin?

Justin:
...I panicked!

Alex:
This is my problem not yours. Don't let me drag you down.

Justin:
But you don't drag me down. I don't want you to lose your powers. Everytime you mess up; I have to think of a way to fix it. You make me a better wizard.

Report Card:
Hey kid, I can tell you how to get rid of a bad report card.

Alex:
Really? How?

Report Card:
Get good grades.

Alex:
I hate you.

Justin:
Hate you too. (they look at eachother for a bit, then hug)

Alex:
...And if it means that much to you, i'll sign your tortilla petition.

Alex:
I quit. [Grabs Harper's arm] And we're going to the kitchen...[Everyone gasps] to eat...[more gasps] And we don't care who watches!

Justin:
[Talking on the phone] Mom, Dad, Can I be in charge? What if there was a tidal wave, THEN can I be in charge? YES!! [Hangs up phone and blows a whistle] Okay, I'm in charge.

Alex:
[Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, a tidal wave, now you're in charge!

Justin:
Alex, you just ruined my new clothes.

Alex:
Justin, when you wear something for a week, it's not new anymore. It just needs a wash.

Max:
[Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, I just washed it. You're welcome!

Alex:
Alright, this is what we're gonna do. First of all, take out five dollars.

Alex:
I need $5 dollars.

Alex:
Second, tomorrow when you walk her to school, take her to by that old scary abandon house in the corner.

Justin:
Right, cause she'll think I'm brave.

Alex:
No, you'll get scared and she'll comfort you, and that's when you plant one on her.

Justin:
Ok, that's a great idea.

Alex:
Thanks, you have five ones for this five?

Justin:
Umm... [takes out another 5 dollars]

Alex:
Great, cause my five was lonely

Max:
What's Deja Vu?

Jerry:
It's when you feel like something happened before.

Alex:
For example, dad you have five dollars?

Jerry:
umm.. Why?

Alex:
Cause I need five dollars.. Deja Vu, huh Justin?

Grandma:
I talked to your mom. She thinks your dad could lose 5 more pounds too.

Richard (in Justin's body):
What am I doing here? Candace (in Max's body): "I dunno. But like all the trouble spots I've been into all my life. I'm gonna dance my way out."

Richard (in Justin's body):
If you were 15 years older I would ask you out

Teresa (in Alex's body):
Okay this just got really weird

Richard (in Justin's body):
Leap into my arms, I got you baby.