Hjelp! Jeg er en fisk

Joe:
Once, there was only silence, and not a speck of hope in sight. And every tiny bubble burst on its journey towards the light. But the spark of creation will flicker again, it's a brand new era... about to begin.

The Shark:
[after swimming through the potion, the two transform and gain the ability to speak] What happened? [realizing he can talk] Whoa! What's that sound?

Joe:
[stammering before realizing he can also talk] Mmm. I believe we have acquired the power of speech, my voracious friend.

The Shark:
Uh...

Joe:
[slurping up potion] I can talk. I can think. [bottling potion] Mmm, what a delicious beverage. Can you feel the power? Can you... taste it?

The Shark:
Taste it? [spotting a fish, which he eats] Ah! Food! [belching in Joe's face] Oi! Clean my teeth! There's stuff in the cracks.

Joe:
Henceforth, oral hygiene is no longer my department.

The Shark:
What?

Joe:
[flatly] I don't clean anymore. Try dental floss. From now on, I call the shots. Where there's brain power, I can have fame, fortune, servants.

[first lines]

Fly:
[skateboarding down the hall] Yee-haw! Going fishing!

Fly:
[trying to take back the potion from Joe] I'm convinced your words are true.

Joe:
Who's this?

Fly:
Please let me follow you.

Joe:
What a nice young fish.

Fly:
I'll hold the bottle, too.

Joe:
Oh no, that won't be necessary.

Fly:
I insist, just let me hold it.

Joe:
[crossly] The bottle stays with me.

Fly:
Just let me have a little sip.

Chuck:
No Fly, no! We're at the bottom of the sea, you'll drown!

Joe:
Hmm... arrest them!

Fly:
[Fly and his friends are trapped in a cage with a crab guarding them] Hey, you! Crab!

The Crab:
It's against military regulations for a guard to converse with prisoners!

Fly:
You are one poor excuse for a soldier, buddy. Pretty wimpy.

The Crab:
Whaddaya mean wimpy?

Fly:
A soldier is disciplined, brave, and above all, strong.

The Crab:
What?

Fly:
[standing in front of cage bar] Well, for starters, I bet your pathetic claw can't even put a dent in this iron bar.

The Crab:
Oh yeah? Check this out! Watching?

Fly:
Yeah.

The Crab:
Ready?

Fly:
Yeah, yeah!

The Crab:
[gets ready to cut cage, but hesitates] Nah, too easy.

Fly:
[points to another bar] Wait, wait, what about this one?

The Crab:
Trivial!

Fly:
No no, this is the perfect test for your strength. We're talking one hundred percent titanium here. [the crab decides to snap the key instead] No, not-not the key!

Fly:
[chasing Joe in the water pipes as he escapes with the antidote] Wait! Wait, come-come back, you-you stupid fish!

Joe:
[coldly] I'm sufficiently intelligent enough to kill you... if you don't stop bothering me.

Fly:
So what? Any brute could do that. But can you tell me what the square root of... six thousand, five-hundred and sixty-one is?

Joe:
[stammers] Uh, three-hundred, divided by forty, minus three is... [he turns to drink more of the antidote and develops a larger, swollen head] Ah! Eighty-one!

Fly:
Yeah! But do you know what happens if an object travels at the speed of light?

Joe:
[drinks more of the antidote and sprouts spines, legs and arms, and tears his pelvic fins off] Ah! It turns into pure energy!

Fly:
What came first, the-the chicken or the egg?

Joe:
[drinks more of the antidote and grows in size, grows hair and longer limbs, now resembling a fish-human] It depends on the relative amount of molecules in the universe!

Fly:
What happens to a fish if he drinks too much antidote?

Joe:
It... [wheezes for breath] becomes... HUMAN!

Fly:
[coyly] Can a human breathe underwater?

Joe:
OF COURSE NOT! [he realizes he can no longer breathe underwater and drowns, sucked away by the pipe's current]

Joe:
[to the crab and Shark] Useless! The pair of you! You're not fit for sushi! I sentence you to execution!

The Shark:
Uhh... what's that?

Joe:
Shark! Chew up that useless crab and eat yourself when you've finished!

The Shark:
[about to eat the crab] Yeh... uh... well... [turns angrily to Joe]

Joe:
[realizing his mistake] Uh... I mean, um, no no, uh, that won't do, ah, my mistake. Nobody has to execute themselves in a civilized society. [spotting another fish] You!

Seabass:
Ah, who? Me?

Joe:
Yes, you! Because of your long and loyal service to me, I hereby appoint you chief executioner.

Seabass:
Ah! Ohh, thank you, sir. Ah, thank you, sir! Thank you, thank you, thank y - [Shark devours him]

Joe:
Uh, on the other fin, we could just call it water under the bridge. A great leader is distinguished by his ability to forgive. Shark, I hereby appoint you offensive commander!

The Shark:
[calls the other fish to order] Atten-tion! Go and get those three infuriating fish and bring them to me *now*!

Bus Driver:
[driving a larger fish as a bus and addressing another fish] That will be two clams and five stones, madam.

Fly:
[gathers a few clams and gives them to the driver] Here: keep the change.

Bus Driver:
[clears his throat] Just a second! These are not valid.

Fly:
Not valid?

Bus Driver:
You'll have to get off.

Fly:
W-what? Chuck, give me your glasses. [to driver, handing him the lenses of the glasses] Here, then; have these Transatlantic, Transpacific, worldwide, oceanic-approved deluxe coins.

Bus Driver:
Very well, then. Here are the tickets.

Fly:
Hold on. Uh, these two [gesturing to Stella and Sasha] are less than six years of age. They ride for free.

Bus Driver:
Oh. Yes. Of course, [hands Fly back one lens] here's a refund.

Fly:
[gesturing to Chuck] And this poor fellow is half-blind.

Bus Driver:
Well...

Fly:
It's not fair that he should pay full price.

Bus Driver:
I-I-I-I suppose that's...

Fly:
And while we're at it, could we sell back the tickets we don't need?

Bus Driver:
Uh, well, um... [Fly gives back the unneeded tickets] Next time, have exact change!

Chuck:
[to Fly] And what would have happened if it *didn't* work, genius?