JAG

[Harm, Mac and Bud are talking. Harriet walks up to them]

Bud:
Hey honey.

Mac:
Hi honey.

Narrator:
Following in his Father's footsteps as a naval aviator, lieutenant commander Harmon Rabb Jr. suffered a crash while landing his Tomcat on a storm tossed carrier at sea. Diagnosed with night blindness, Harm transferred to the Navy's Judge Advocate General Corps, which investigates, defends, and prosecutes the law of the sea. There with fellow JAG lawyer Major Sarah MacKenzie, he now fights in and out of the court room with the same daring and tenacity that made him a top gun in the air.

[after seeing Lieutenant Lobo naked]

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
Did you see the muscles on her?

Lt. Harmon Rabb, Jr.:
I wasn't looking at her muscles.

[Admiral Brovo is watching "The Tonight Show"]

Jay Leno:
This just in. One of the Navy, uh, F-14 Tomcats shot down a couple of Serbian MiGs over Bosnia this afternoon. Listen to this, the Radar Intercept Officer in the Tomcat was a woman! Boy, you thought getting shot down by a woman in a bar was bad. Oh, my God!

[after Drake orders Lindsey to assign a junior JAG to the Arutti investigation]

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey:
You want to trust this to a junior officer, sir?

RAdm. Al Brovo:
You wanna take it, Teddy?

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey:
I believe my present duties would preclude an immediate departure, sir.

RAdm. Al Brovo:
You have the survival instincts of a politician, Teddy.

[Cassie intends to change]

Lt. Harmon Rabb, Jr.:
[to Pike] I'll wait outside.

Lt. Cassie 'Lobo' Puller:
[sarcastically] Why? You never seen a naked sailor before?

[Cassie strips naked right in front of Rabb]

[watching Jay Leno talk about Lt. Arutti]

RAdm. Al Brovo:
If Admiral Drake was smart, he's make this RIO more famous than Amelia Earhart.

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey:
She's missing, sir.

RAdm. Al Brovo:
Anyone tell FDR?

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey:
Tell him what?

RAdm. Al Brovo:
That Amelia Earhart is missing.

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey:
Oh, she's not missing. Well, I guess she is missing, but that's not who I mean. I'm talking about Lt. Arutti, sir.

RAdm. Al Brovo:
Who the hell is Lt. Arutti?

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey:
The RIO that Jay Leno is talking about. She went missing last night at sea.

Admiral Al Brovo, JAG:
You need a sense of humor, Teddy. Otherwise, people are gonna think you're a lawyer.

Captain Thomas Boone:
[preparing to take Chuck DePalma in an F-14] Mr. DePalma, we will be flying a Tomcat that has been modified for recon and training missions. There's a complete set of controls in your cockpit, but if you touch anything other than your personal joystick, I'll eject you over the Adriatic and forget where I did it.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Kate?

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
Harm! What's happening?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
No time to explain, just listen. Cassie is Lobo.

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
N-no, Angela was Lobo.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
No, Angela was wearing Cassie's jacket when she went over the side. In the rain and the dark, she was mistaken for Cassie.

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
Ripper.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Has to be. Kate, he's gotta know we're gonna put this together, and the last thing I need tonight is a wave-off.

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
You're *flying*?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[sarcastically] You really know how to build a guy's confidence, Kate.

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
Lieutenant Carter! You are relieved of duty and confined to quarters pending the convening of a Board of Inquiry into Lieutenant Arutti's death.

Lt. Jack 'Ripper' Carter:
By whose orders?

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
MINE! Under Article 118 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

Lt. Jack 'Ripper' Carter:
Get this b*tch off my platform before I *throw her off*!

Ens. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
SERGEANT!

[Ripper is restrained]

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
And it's "Lieutenant Pike". Not "b*tch". A**HOLE!

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[concerning his last mission with Arutti] One more question, were you testing *her guts* or *yours*?

Captain Thomas Boone:
[angrily] Because of your old man, I didn't hear that! But if you would care to REPEAT IT!

Captain 'Skipper' Ross:
[increduluous] You believe Lt. Arutti was murdered, but you can't prove it!

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yes, sir.

Captain 'Skipper' Ross:
If I ran the Seahawk the way you run your investigation, I'd be skippering a submarine at DISNEYLAND!

[Mace confronts Rabb outside the COD]

Lt. Mace:
You're out of uniform, Harm.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Come on, Mace. I've got a board of inquiry to get to.

Lt. Mace:
That's *not* what I mean.

[Mace pins a pair of gold wings onto Rabb's uniform]

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Thanks, Mace.

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
You know what they say about Dress Whites and Gold Wings?

[Rabb smiles, then the COD takes off at high speed]

Ellis Burke:
You do not record war crimes when you commit them. Only the Nazis were that stupid.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Bud, I don't know what it's like to lose a child. But I do know what it's like to lose the woman you love. Don't let one cost you the other.

[last lines]

Admiral Thomas Boone:
My time's past, Harm. It's your time now... thank you.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[Shakes hands then stands at attention] Sir.

Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Last time I did this I was 18... and drunk.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Last time I did it, I was 24 and sober; same results. Learn from your mistakes and move on, right?

Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Ah, sir, you've, uh, never remarried.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Oh, I'm talking about you. Good Lord! Don't use ME as a barometer, for ANYTHING!

Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[Rabb hands her the phone] Hello?

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
So I thought to myself, who would she go to? Where would she go? I have my answer.

Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Mic?

Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[Brumby's leaving the country] He can't get past this thing with us.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
Maybe because *we* can't.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
So... so I heard you jumped my bones in sick bay.

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
Rumor.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Why are you marrying me, Sarah?

Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Because I love you.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Then why am I the last one you turn to in a crisis.

Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[quietly] I don't know.

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
Can I try, doctor? He knows me.

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
Harm. Harm! Harm. Harm, It's cold down here. And I need you. I can't do it all by myself. Help me Harm, come on, You promised you'd help me. I'm holding you to that. I can't swim very well. You have to help me!

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
[beat] Commander can you hear me!

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
[beat] Take that thing off! Take it off!

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
[getting very close to Harm's face] Save me.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
[in a faint raspy voice] I'm... trying.

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
Don't let go. Don't let go!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
Hi

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
Hi yourself.

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
Keep talking!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
I... can't... breathe.

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
Oh, I'm sorry...

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
Have we dated?

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
You're gonna be ok...

Admiral Thomas Boone:
You see Jennifer Lopez twice a year?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Every time I get my teeth cleaned. She's my dental hygienist.

CAG USS Coral Sea:
The inspector general is on his way to the ship for a surprise visit. He wants to question my pilots, see if they're battle-ready. That makes you eligible for the Lakehurst run, Commander.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yes, sir.

CAG USS Coral Sea:
I prefer it would be you, Admiral, but you're no longer cleared to fly front seat.

Admiral Thomas Boone:
You have nothing to worry about, CAG.

CAG USS Coral Sea:
Enjoy your holidays.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
CAG, about your aircraft...

CAG USS Coral Sea:
No soft-focus moments, Commander. I will not allow you to undermine a perfectly valid level of resentment. You get her up, and bring her down.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yes, sir.

CAG USS Coral Sea:
And if you do anything other than fly to your established destination... I will personally see to it that your wings are yanked.

Admiral Thomas Boone:
Between us, we've logged more flight time than anyone in this airwing.

CAG USS Coral Sea:
And if the commander hadn't dumped a $40 million aircraft into the Atlantic last year, I would be satisfied with that answer, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
A mishap review board cleared me of pilot error, Captain.

CAG USS Coral Sea:
I read the report. Don't agree.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
The aircraft had taken a hard landing, CAG.

CAG USS Coral Sea:
And she was in flying condition at the time she left the deck.

Admiral Thomas Boone:
Well, you weren't sitting in his seat at the time, CAG.

CAG USS Coral Sea:
I was a week earlier, sir. The plane was my ride. I was waiting for her at Pax River at the time.

Lt. Harriet Sims:
I hope the ghost of Jacob Marley drops chains on your foot!

Lt Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
[after hearing the plan] Whose bright idea was this?

Captain Ward:
Actually it started with a suggestion from Major MacKenzie.

Lt Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
I might've known!

Captain Ward:
The Engineers have assured us that's how it works on paper.

Lt Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
Unfortunately, I'm not flying a paper plane!

Admiral Chegwidden:
Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, et al., versus the United States Navy. Tiner, is this a joke?

Harm:
I can see the headlines now, Admiral. "Navy grounds Santa Claus".

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
I didn't steal that witch's bracelet!

Harm:
That's Lt. Witch to you.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
[giving Harm a holiday kiss on the cheek] Can they throw me in the brig for that?

Harm:
Yes.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
[smiling] It was worth it.

Harm:
[At the end of a meeting with Coates' father] Sorry to put you through that.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Don't pity me, sir. Don't you dare

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
Ever do a blue water landing on a destroyer before?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I make it a rule never to land in the middle of the ocean without a tailhook.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
Yes, I do get angry. But I'm not obnoxious about it.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[discussing the crash of an F-14 in California] Has the Navy initiated a Mishap Investigation, General?

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Already on the scene. I want you to get to China Lake, ASAP. Conduct a concurrent JAG-man investigation. You're dismissed.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Aye aye, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
If you see Colonel MacKenzie, send her my way.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Uh, sir, the Colonel is still in Norfolk taking depositions on the Harkin case.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Commander Turner, then.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Commander Turner is, uh, TAD to Camp Pendleton, General.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
[getting annoyed] Commander Roberts?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I believe Commander Roberts started his anger management classes this morning, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Just how the hell did Admiral Chegwidden get anything done around here?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I think he found it a struggle, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Sometimes a good investigator has to admit the most obvious choice is often the right one.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
[discussing an incident in Bud's anger management class] There was a fight, you were there. And I'm not blaming you, but twice in as many months...

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
It's starting to sound like you're blaming me, Commander.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Bud, I defended you in court. I know better than anyone that you're not a violent man, but... for a mild-mannered guy, you sure do piss a lot of people off. Plus, uh... you've got a father who's a bully.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
Ah, I've gone out of my way to be everything that my father isn't and none of the things that he is.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
What do you have do to get a plaque?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
It's for good behavior. So you don't have to worry about it.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Well, Commander, I checked the police blotter and didn't see your name, so you must've behaved. [to Mac] Why does he listen to *you* and not *me*?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Just lucky I guess.

[Cdr. Lindsey has requested to return to JAG]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[with mild sarcasm] If I *ever* need someone like *you* on my staff, you'll be the first one I call.

[having failed to promote Cdr. Lindsey to Captain]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I have effectively terminated my career.

[Harm has been fired]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
This has Webb written all over it. So, I guess using you as a reference is out of the question, huh?

Allen Blaisdell:
Anybody calls, they get the standard response.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I never worked for the company, you never heard of me.

[reviewing all of Cmdr. Imes' overturned convictions]

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Will you help me, or do you have some secret mission to fly?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Webb didn't tell you?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
We don't spend a lot of time talking about you.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Gee, that's a surprise. He canned me.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
What? I just saw you all over the TV.

[realization dawns on Mac]

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Oh.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[Seated at his desk as PO Coates enters his office] What can I do for you, Petty Officer?

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
I wanted to explain my actions...

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
No, let me explain them *for you*. You are meddling in affairs that are none of your business...

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
All I wanted was...

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
No... [standing, removes his glasses and leans forward on his desk] Petty Officer, I am not interested in what you want, I'm interested in what I need, and what I need is an administrative assistant who does her job and that job only. Is that understood?

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Sir, I'm still defining the parameters of my duties... [the Admiral glares at her] with your input, of course, being paramount.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[With rising incredulity] Petty Officer, did... did you just *handle* me?

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Of course not, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[Suspiciously] You are not, by chance, going to law school at night, are you?

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
No, sir. Why do you ask?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[Stands up and replaces his glasses, sighs, and then in a grumbling tone] Starting to parse the truth like a lawyer!

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
No, sir. I am, however starting to look deeper into the truth, like a psychologist. 'The Human Mind, 101'; the course I'm taking on line.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[Glares at her again, then in a forced whisper] Dismissed!

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Aye, aye, sir!

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
[Outside the Admiral's office, to Mac] When someone is that angry, you know they're hurting inside. [Mac braces to attention as the Admiral appears in the door behind PO Coates]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Petty Officer?

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
[Coates executes a smart about-turn] Sir, I'm so sorry! [the Admiral glares at her, thrusts a stack of files into her hands, steps back into his office and glares again before closing the door]

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
[to Mac] I can't do anything right, ma'am!

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
None of us can.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
[Urgently] Admiral, talk to him!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Petty Officer, you're not going to make me sorry I made you my Yeoman, are you?

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
I can't promise you that, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Petty Officer, you are flirting with in...

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Insubordination, sir?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Do you think I am incapable of finishing a...

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Sentence? Sorry, sir. bad habit.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I do not want...

[the Admiral pauses deliberately to give Coates a chance to interrupt]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
to hear what you have to say!

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Yes, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Not one word!

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
No, sir

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I am not interested in you taking the Commander's side, or if you think I should take him back. I am not interested if... if you think I'm being unreasonable, or... or pig-headed, or... or unfair!

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
No, sir. There's no need for that. Because you already know it. Sorry, sir!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[the Admiral reaches into his office to pick up his cover and coat] You know, Petty Officer, people don't like to be *handled*.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Yes, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
So if you do it, you damned sure better be right. As you were this time.

Catherine Gale:
By the way, does Colonel MacKenzie know about our *marriage*?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Oh... uh... I don't know... I might have mentioned it.

Catherine Gale:
That's why I got the look.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
What look?

Catherine Gale:
The 'get away from my man' look.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Oh... *That* look

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
For the past four months the Admiral and I are havng a failure to communicate.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Uh... well... we are communicating excellently; he yells at me and I say I'm sorry... kinda like married life.

Mattie Grace Johnson:
[to Rabb] Hey, Harm! Is this bald guy the jerk that fired you?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I didn't exactly fire him. I just didn't ask him back.

Mattie Grace Johnson:
Around here, that's called fired.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You're bordering on insubordination, Rabb.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I'm a civilian now, A.J. I'm not in your Navy.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You're here, Admiral, because you *need* me. I'm an excellent lawyer. Plus, the officer you chose to replace me is looking at seven years of hard labor.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
All of that is true. If you come back, we'll start fresh. Let me know what you decide.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[Sturgis accused Mac of being conservative] My other faults? Since *you're* listing them.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Well you're sanctimonious. And a bit of a prig.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[incredulous] Where did *that* come from?

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
It's been building for a while.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I am Admiral Chegwidden. I am THE Judge Advocate General of the Navy. Before I leave this hangar, I will know the hows and the whys of Lieutenant Douglas Marion's death... or Commander Rabb will have your ass... and I'm going own your soul.

Admiral Chegwidden:
I am Admiral Chegwidden. Before I leave this hangar, I will know the whys and hows of Lieutenant Douglas Marion's death, or Commander Rabb will have your ass... and I'm going to own your soul.

Senator Grace Marion:
You're a SEAL.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I was. Yes, ma'am.

Senator Grace Marion:
That's like letting the SS investigate Auschwitz.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I, um... I realize you have suffered a great loss, madam. But your comparison is OUTRAGEOUS! If there is any negligence involved in your son's death, I will prosecute it to its full extent under the Uniform Code of Military Justice! Any further questions can be answered by Lieutenant Commander Rabb, who is heading the investigation into your son's death, and who, as you can see, is NOT a SEAL!

Senator Grace Marion:
That admiral's right. My statement was inexcusable.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yes, ma'am.

Senator Grace Marion:
You don't have to agree with me so quickly, Commander.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You're obviously a person who speaks her mind, ma'am. I assume you expect the same from others.

Lieutenant Alexander Kellogue:
Sir? I understand the lieutenant's mother is here.

Admiral Chegwidden:
Unfortunately.

Lieutenant Alexander Kellogue:
SEAL Team 2 has a tradition of writing a letter before every mission, in case we don't return. Lieutenant Marion wrote this. If you would give it to his mother, I would appreciate it, sir.

Admiral Chegwidden:
He was only with you two days.

Lieutenant Alexander Kellogue:
He jumped with SEAL Team 2, sir. And tradition's tradition.

Admiral Chegwidden:
I like you, son. Probably gonna hang you, but I like you.

Lieutenant Alexander Kellogue:
Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!

[Chegwidden exits]

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You know who started that tradition, Lieutenant?

Lieutenant Alexander Kellogue:
No, sir.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Ensign Chegwidden.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Come by my office when you're done here.

Lt. Cmdr. Teresa Coulter:
I *am* done.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[looks back in the courtroom then turns back to Coulter] Think about it.

[leaves]

Lt. Cmdr. Teresa Coulter:
You forgave your father?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Yes.

Lt. Cmdr. Teresa Coulter:
Was it hard?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
It took me a while.

Lt. Cmdr. Teresa Coulter:
What did you say to him?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Nothing. He was in a coma by the time I was ready.

[Coulter goes into the court room and approaches her father]

Lt. Cmdr. Teresa Coulter:
Hi.

Capt. Thomas Chaddock:
Hi.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[after allowing Mac to escort the body to Australia] God! I'd like to be in Australia to watch this one unfold.

Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez:
Sounds like a slam dunk conviction, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Oh, hell! I'm not talking about the trial. [laughs heartily]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[after driving on the wrong side of the road, Harm parallel parks on first try] My stepfather had a cottage in the Bahamas. That's where I learned how to drive. [tosses the keys to Mic]

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[to Brumby after Rabb gets out]... Sir, don't they drive on the left side in the Bahamas?

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
[realising Rabb's driving errors were intentional] Bloody Hell!

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[Mac thinks Brumby's trying to lure her to Austrailia] He's behind this!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
No he's not. He asked for Rabb and Roberts.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Why would he ask for us, and not the Colonel?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Because he's one smart Dingo.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Why didn't somebody from his ship identify the body?

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Harbour sharks had a feed on him.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
There are sharks in the harbor?

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
This is Australia, mate. There's sharks in the bathtub.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[after talking to Kevin Lee] Commanders, I never appreciated how good you were at playing good cop/bad cop.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby, Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Who's playing?

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Very Nice! The bikini, that is.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Yeah, I knew that's what you meant.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Yeah, but you're in Australia, Mac. Wear an Aussie bikini.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I'm afraid to ask.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Ah, no worries. It's a two piece, hat and a bottom.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Sir, is that Col. MacKenzie topless?

[Both him and Rabb turn around with looks of shock going across their faces]

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
You afraid of me bein' alone down here with Mac, Harm?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You know, Brumby, one of these days you and I are going to strip blouses.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Always assumed we would, mate. Question's only been when.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
What do you want me to say? My father died doing his duty. You lived, running from yours.

Kevin Lee:
If that's the way you feel, how can I trust that you won't let them hang me?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Because, like my father, I do my duty.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[thinking he's talking to Gunnery Sergeant Galindez] Oh, Gunny, it's wild down here. I haven't seen so many naked breasts since... since...

Lt. Harriet Sims:
SINCE WHEN, BUD?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[shocked] Harriet?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Though we can't try you for Murder One again, I am going to *nail* you for desertion during a time of war!

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
I hope you go for the death penalty, mate!

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Absolutely... mate.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Nah, you'll never get it, but life without parole's a slam dunk. Mr. Roberts, take this DESERTER on board!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[to Rabb and Brumby] At ease. Strip your blouses.

[after they've done so]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Don't come out until you've admistered pain equal to what you inflicted on Lt. Roberts. THAT IS AN ORDER!

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Aye aye, sir.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Aye aye, sir.

Judge:
Commander Brumby, do you have a positive identification of the body in question?

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
The remains have only recently been returned, your honor. And are undergoing navy dental identification as we speak.

Judge:
A man is in the dock accused of murdering Seaman Dunsmore and you cannot legally prove the so-named is even dead?

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
I assure you, your honor, the body in question is Seaman Dunsmore!

Judge:
Well that might be so in your mind, but that is *woefully* insufficient in *this* court! I don't want to see you again until you have a *proper* indictment!

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Yes, your honor.

Captain Howell:
[to Brumby] I don't know whether to KEEL HAUL or take the *CAT* to you!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[to Rabb] After 10,000 miles *I* want to do *both*!

Captain Howell:
[to Brumby] A Royal Australian Naval Officer does NOT behave like a pub crawling BRAWLER!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[to Rabb] You struck a junior officer!

Captain Howell:
[to Brumby] BROKE HIS BLOODY JAW!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[to Rabb] IN TWO PLACES!

Captain Howell:
[to Brumby] What *possible* excuse could you make to defend this *reprehensible* act?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr., Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
None, Sir!

Captain Howell:
He's letting them off the hook.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
He might, but by God I won't!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Commanders, will you accept a non-judicial punishment for your actions?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr., Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Yes, Sir!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Good! Cause you would have gotten it anyway!

[heading out the door]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Follow me!

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr., Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Aye aye, Sir!

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[Bud's speaking with a broken jaw] I don't know why the Admiral ordered you to fight.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I don't think it took too much forcing, Bud.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
With all due respect, ma'am, it's your fault. They were fighting over you.

[Mac nervously chuckles]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
What'd he say?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
That, uh, you deserved what you got.

[Mac walks away]

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
That's not what I said, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Relax, Bud. I know you didn't say that. Whatever it was, you struck a nerve.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You work with the guy, Mac, you wouldn't go topless in front of me would you?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[pause] Is that a request?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[pause] You know they wrote "Eternity" on this bridge... in lights... on New Year's Eve.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Is that how long we're going to wait?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Mac...

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
We're not in Washington. We're not even on the same continent!

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Location doesn't change who we are.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Most men would disagree with you.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I know. I disagree with me sometimes too.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
But you still can't let go?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Not yet.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
You're just this way with me, aren't you?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[nods] Yeah... Only with you.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[pause] I suppose I should be flattered.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You should, Sarah.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Colonel, are, um congratulations in order?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Uh. it's uh, on the right hand, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Ah.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Friendship ring?

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
For now.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[Rabb is looking back as they're about to board the plane] Commander, never look back.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
No, sir.

[gives the attendant his plane ticket, then glances back to Mic and Mac]

[after Adm. Chegwidden orders Harm and Mic to fight]

Captain Howell:
I always did like Yank SEALs.

[Kevin Lee is talking to the press with a mock Aussie accent]

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Listen to his accent. He's a bloody thespian.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
They seem to like it.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Press can't save him. Harm's only delayed the inevitable.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I wouldn't be too sure, Mic.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Who are you rooting for, Mac?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
It's not a soccer match, Mic.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
You're right. It's a bloody pub fight.

Toohey:
BLOODY SEPPO MURDERER!

[Toohey decks Lee, Harm restrains Toohey, Lee hits Toohey, is then restrained by Mic]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Let him go, Brumby!

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
YOU let him go!

[Harm and Mic simultaneously release Toohey and Lee]

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Oh, God.

[Harm and Mic each prepare to throw a punch. Bud gets into the middle and ends up taking a blow to the jaw from each of them]

[Rabb and Brumby are back in court after their forced boxing match]

Judge:
[noticing Rabb's facial injuries] Commander Rabb, have you been in an accident?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[Rabb gets up] I have, Your Honor. But I'm quite ready to proceed.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
[Brumby gets up, with similar injuries] Same accident, Your Honour. but I too am ready.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
So, why aren't you handling this Quinn defense?

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
Believe me, I wanted to. But Major Aspinal's taken over the provost marshal's office here, and he's one by-the-book Marine.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Nothing wrong with that.

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
Listen to you! You threw away the book when you were sixteen.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Not true. I just read a different book.

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
What are you doing?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Going after my partner.

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
Major Aspinal ordered us to start an investigation.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
He suggested, Kate. I don't have to follow suggestions.

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
To him, a suggestion is as good as an order.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Damn it! They have my partner! I'm sorry, Kate, but if that was you out there, would you want me to start an investigation or come after you?

Lt. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
[pause] You got another weapon in there?

Chief Sturtevant:
[why he didn't come back with Rabb] It all happened so fast.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Whoa. Whoa. Wait Chief. I've seen men drown. And it *doesn't* happen fast.

Lt. Jenarette:
You know sir. I had the instinct to check the brig and I failed to follow through. I feel real bad about it. That's why I should be the one going in.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Captain won't allow it.

Lt. Jenarette:
What about the two of us, sir?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
The only reason I'm going in, because I outrank him.

Lt. Jenarette:
Yes, sir, you do.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You have one minute to suit up!

Lt. Jenarette:
Yes, sir.

Capt. Roy Salveras:
How did you know they were alive?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
We *didn't*, sir.

Capt. Roy Salveras:
But you were so confident.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I suppose it comes with our experience with the Commander.

Capt. Roy Salveras:
You're a tenacious man, is that it Commander?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Ever try to get gum off the sole of your shoe.

Lt. Jenarette:
Well what happened down there was a... was a miracle

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Well, Lieutenant, that's a bit of an overstatement.

Lt. Jenarette:
Sir, what I mean, sir. The tank you grabbed, it was practically empty. I just checked. You had maybe 15 seconds of air left, sir. You must have misread the gage.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[to the Admiral] Well I'd say you nailed it, sir

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Yeah.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[after Col. MacKenzie asks Adm. Chegwidden to convince her that Cmdr. Rabb is still alive] Colonel, the Commander is too damned pigheaded to leave this world. He will find a way out.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Even if they offer him wings, sir?

Capt. Roy Salveras:
[after P.O. DeMara and Cmdr. Rabb are rescued from the flooding brig, with DeMara admitting to contraband purchase but exonerated for murder] P.O. DeMara, wait for me in my office. You're not out of the woods, yet.

Petty Officer Mark DeMara:
As long as I am out of the water, sir...

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[on the phone with Harm] How are you?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Mac, take my mind off of this.

[Harm holds out the phone]

Petty Officer Mark DeMara:
[offscreen] This is serious negligence that...

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Well, petty officer Chinick was conducting his business in the main machinery room. Another petty officer on her afternoon watch saw De Mara leaving. When she went inside, she discovered the body. Could have been a deal gone bad.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Bad enough to provoke murder?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Why don't you talk to De Mara?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I would, but he's a little preoccupied with his mortality at the moment.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Is he getting worse?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
To say he's unstable would be an insult to unstable people.

[after the Army JAG officer assigned to be Harm's second chair commandeers the questioning of their client]

Cmdr. Harmon Rabb, Jr.:
I hope you don't mind me talking while you interrupted.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
I just got off the phone with the Fairfax County Commonwealth Attorney's Office. Care to venture a guess about who we talked about?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
Me, sir?

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
You, sir. He informed me the Commonwealth of Virginia is charging you with assault.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
So I've heard, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
So you've heard? Were you ever going to tell me?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
I didn't want to burden you with my personal problems, General.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
A JAG officer brawling in public is not a "personal problem", Commander Roberts. When he's in uniform under my command, it's my problem. Did you know about this?

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
No, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Did you attack this civilian?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
Yes and no, sir. Uh, he attacked my brother with a shoe, and I was trying...

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
A-a shoe?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
Yes, sir, a-a-a heavy shoe: a wing-tipped Oxford.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Why?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
The gentleman had said some disparaging remarks about the military. My brother Mikey's a midshipman at the Academy. He took offense, heated words were exchanged, and...

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
So you hit a wing-tip wielding history teacher because he insulted the Navy?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
Well, not just the Navy, sir. The Marine Corps, as well.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Are you trying to manipulate me, Commander?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
No, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
If you're convicted, your naval career is over. You know that.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
I expect to be acquitted, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
[to Sturgis] You're a member of the Virginia Bar, Commander. You'll volunteer as defense counsel.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Aye aye, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Make this go away.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Do my best, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
After the civilians are done with you, Commander Roberts, it'll be my turn.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Why can't you two just get over it?

Mac:
Because I'm in *love* with him!

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
[speaking of Harm] Have you slept with him?

Mac:
No!

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Is that the problem?

Mac:
NO!

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Why can't you just get past it and move on?

Mac:
Wouldn't work.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Why?

Mac:
Because I'm in *love* with him!

Chief Petty Officer Walter Hume:
[in the hospital] What are you in for?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Lost an argument with a car.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Would you have slapped that kid?

Admiral Thomas Boone:
No, I'd have slugged him.

[upon learning Cdr. Lindsey would be assisting the prosecution during Chegwidden's Admiral's Mast]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
How could such a *mediocre officer* become such a thorn in my side?

Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
[smitten with a girl he accidentally bumped into] Man, Gunny, if I had a girl like that...

Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez:
What would you do?

Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
I'd, uh... you know.

Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez:
Mm-hmm.

Valerie Galindez:
Hey, Victor!

Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez:
Hey, Val! All right!

Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
I'm sorry, Gunny. I didn't know she was your girlfriend.

Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez:
She's not.

[sternly]

Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez:
She's my sister.

[Gunny has mentioned that Valerie is attracted to guys he doesn't like]

Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Then you must love me, Gunny.

Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez:
Are you kidding! I can't stand you, Roberts. [smiles] And I'll be sure to remind her of that every chance I get.

Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
[understanding] Yes, Gunny.

Lt. Loren Singer:
[Gunny is about to lose his temper with Mikey Roberts] Gunny, look at your sister. Now look at Petty Officer Roberts. Same league?

Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez:
[calms down] No, ma'am.

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Wow. That was actually a nice thing you did, ma'am.

Lt. Loren Singer:
Are you kidding? Mikey Roberts can have that girl for *breakfast* for all I care!

Captain:
[at Bud's hearing to determine if he's fit to return to full duty] Does the lieutenant understand that even if he's granted permanent limited duty, his career will be capped. There's no way he'll be promoted to senior rank.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
The lieutenant has determined he would rather serve his country in a limited capacity than not at all.

SecNav Alexander Nelson:
[after Rabb has been promoted to a Full Commander] Commander... Rabb, have you ever *once* in your life done things the easy way?

Harm:
No, sir. Not once.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
[as Mac's storing some semen in the fridge for a client] So it's a do-it-yourself kit, right?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[rising up] EXCUSE ME?

Harm:
Found all this very amusing, don't you?

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
No, I don't.

Harm:
Well, you haven't stopped smiling since I came in here.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Because you've accused me of libeling the President of the United States. And framing one of my fellow officers for the deed. And if I didn't find this all very amusing, I might take a poke at you, mate.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[as she's storing some sperm in Bud and Harriet's fridge] I do want to have children.

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Hey, women do it all the time.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Oh, I guess I'll give the intact organisms a few more years.

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Men?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Men.

Harm:
Bud, you helped me out of loyalty and friendship. Everybody else has a price.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
I'm sure you'll do the right thing, sir.

Mattie Grace Johnson:
[regarding who she's IMing] Yeah, it's Kevin. The boy I like.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yeah, I know. Your

[biological]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Dad told me.

Mattie Grace Johnson:
Great, now I have two Dads with loaded shotguns.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Actually mine's a nine millimetre, Navy issue. It's more accurate.

GSgt. Len McDaniel Ret.:
The colonel wants people to think that Tom Elgart's the kind of man that would let revenge rule his reason. We served together for twenty years. Never once did he exceed an order, nor risk lives needlessly. We're not vigilantes, we're Marines. Only difference now is the the clothes on our back.

P.O. Jason Tiner:
[entering the Admiral's office] Sir, it's Commander Rabb on the Seahawk.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[picking up the phone] Tell me it wasn't Bud! Damn it... Yeah... Yeah. Commander, I can't spare all of you. One can stay as a Seahawk JAG to re... replace Roberts. Decide who that'll be and keep me informed.

[Bud is being airlifted out of Afghanistan after stepping on a land mine]

Sergeant Manning:
Petty Officer, you can't go with them!

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
*WATCH ME*!

Harm:
[On board the USS Guadalcanal waiting for the outcome of Bud's surgery] Just once I'd like you not to have a comeback.

Mac:
I don't have one to Bud's dying.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
[a grim-faced Surgeon-Cmdr Ferraro has just left the sick bay and is looking at Harm, Mac and Jen] Don't you tell us he's dead. Don't you dare tell us that.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
I had my back to him when I heard the explosion. When I got to him, he was covered with blood, and his right leg was gone. I put on a tourniquet, but it wouldn't stop bleeding. All I could do was get him out to the helo as fast as possible.

Mac:
Well, it sounds like you saved his life, petty officer.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Not if he doesn't make it.

Harm:
He'll make it. He'll make it.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Tiner, where's the change of orders for the Seahawk JAG?

P.O. Jason Tiner:
I don't have it yet, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Y-you don't have the paperwork, or you don't know who stayed?

P.O. Jason Tiner:
It's not Commander Turner, sir. He called, he's on his way back.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Alone?

P.O. Jason Tiner:
That's my understanding, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Damn it, I'll skin them.

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Sir, Commander Turner said Colonel MacKenzie and Commander Rabb couldn't decide which one should take the JAG billet.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
So they both stayed.

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Yes, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Draw up charges for disobeying a direct order.

P.O. Jason Tiner:
[confused] Sir?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You want to join them, Tiner?

P.O. Jason Tiner:
No, sir!

[Tiner turns to exit, but stops]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
What?

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Sir, which one do I charge?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Both of them!

[TIner has explained to Singer his dilemma]

Lt. Loren Singer:
Who's the senior officer?

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Colonel Mackenzie by two months, ma'am.

Lt. Loren Singer:
Charge Rabb. You can never go wrong charging the junior officer.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Your report states that you grounded Lieutenant Isaacs after a substandard landing. The LSO log indicates: OSCB, EGAR, DNKH.

Captain Thomas Boone:
That it does.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Would you mind telling me what those acronyms mean?

Captain Thomas Boone:
OSCB, Over Shot Came Back. EGAR, Eased Gun At Ramp.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
What about, uh... DNKH?

Captain Thomas Boone:
That's the technical one, Major. Damn Near Killed Herself.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Remember when Meredith mentioned she was interested in taking flying lessons?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Oh, no. Please, sir...

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Commander, I completely understand your reluctance, but, uh, my back is against a wall here. She's been dreaming up these weekend plans and... hell, this is the safest one.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Safe for who, sir?

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Look, all I'm suggesting is that... this may sound mean, but just take her up, get her sick, cure her of this flying bug.

[Mac sees a picture of Diane Schonke for the first time]

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Oh, my God. No wonder you saw d?ja vu when we first met.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You only look like her, Mac. Your personalities are like night and day.

[Harm reminds Holbarth of the events two years prior]

Cmdr. Holbarth:
Oh, yeah. The Schonke case. The fallout from that cost me a command.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
It cost Lt. Schonke her life!

[Harms shows Holbarth a letter proving him guilty of rape and murder]

Cmdr. Holbarth:
[scoffs] You'll get laughed right out of court.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[pulls a gun] I'm not going to court.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
HARM! DON'T!

Cmdr. Holbarth:
[Mac is wearing a Naval uniform] Oh my God! Schonke!

Cmdr. Holbarth:
[starts backing away] Please! I'm sorry, Diane. I didn't mean to... AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

[Holbarth falls off the dock, getting crushed between the dock and the ship]

[Holbarth is dead]

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
He thought you were Diane's ghost.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I didn't even think. I was soaking wet. Bud loaned me one of Harriet's uniforms...

[Harm kisses her passionately]

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I know. You were kissing Diane.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[beat] Would you have killed him?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
We'll never know.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Any word from Commander Rabb?

Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenzie:
No, sir. I've tried to reach him several times, but I keep getting voice mail.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
I understand this young girl is like a daughter to him. Tell him to take all the time he needs.

Capt. Stanley Ellis:
You read the R.O.E. Got any advice?

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
Yeah. Don't get shot.

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
[having been assigned TAD to the Marine division] This your idea, Major?

Marine Major Try Atkins:
I thought maybe you'd like to see some combat up close.

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
As part of my continuing education?

Marine Major Try Atkins:
One way of putting it.

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
I got your guy off the hook.

Marine Major Try Atkins:
My guy? I was trying to put him in prison.

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
When you got shot up, sir, did they happen to hit you in the heart?

Marine Major Try Atkins:
Never had one. Good luck, Vic.

Chief Petty Officer Ned Bannon:
[of carrier aviation] You still miss it don't you, Sir?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Only when I'm back onboard. Or see a jet. Shaving in the morning, in my dreams, eating a pizza, watching a movie.

Commander Alison Krennick:
The violation of a cease fire is an extremely serious matter.

Captain Thomas Boone:
They are the violators! They were shooting at my men!

Commander Alison Krennick:
If they were, and there's no evidence to support that, who ordered you to shoot back?

Captain Thomas Boone:
No one. I did it on my own initiative.

Commander Alison Krennick:
And who gave you the right to do that, Captain?

Captain Thomas Boone:
The Navy, the day they gave me my command!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
CAG, we'll argue this in court. Not here.

Captain Thomas Boone:
No lawyer's going to tell me how to exercise my command!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Sir, with all due respect, keep your mouth shut.

Captain 'Skipper' Ross:
Well you've got your fly over Mr. Rabb. In a CH-53. Marines and known to jump out of them. Of course their nuts and a bit crazy. But then again so are some JAG lawyers I know.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yes Sir.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well?

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
Well what Sir?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
What was the Verdict?

Commander Alison Krennick:
Amazingly it was 4 to 3... Not Guilty

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
It should have been unanimous. [pulls the parachute from his vest. CAG sticks his finger through the hole]

Commander Alison Krennick:
Well I'll Be...

Captain Thomas Boone:
20mm Round. Standard Ammunition on a Soviet Hind.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
I sure like to see the faces of those who voted guilty right now.

Commander Alison Krennick:
No Way of telling who they are.

Captain Thomas Boone:
Oh i know who they are. [Rabb and Cag Walk across the flight deck]

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
How does he know.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[Rabb turns around]

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
He's The CAG

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[being briefed about the CAG's situation] When do we leave, sir?

Commander Ted Lindsey:
As soon as we light up. Please.

[Lindsey offers a box of cigars]

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
Wife have a baby, sir?

Commander Ted Lindsey:
Not that I know of. This just came over from the Secretary of the Navy. Congratulations, Lieutenant Commander Rabb.

[Excited, Meg hugs Harm and kisses him on the cheek]

Commander Ted Lindsey:
Sure makes me wish you were around when I got my promotion, Lieutenant.

Captain Thomas Boone:
I am a naval aviator, with eleven thousand flying hours. Nine hundred and eight of which were in combat. I know gunfire when I see it. I did not imagine it. The Hind was firing at my men as they hung helpless in their chutes. What I did, I would do again without hesitation, even if doing so meant ending my Naval career. God knows it is not a career I wish to end. That'll happen soon enough. But better that than to break the sacred trust between an officer and those he commands to do whatever is in his power to protect them. Not only when such action is obvious or politically correct, but even when it is sure to be unpopular and questioned. The day that I can no longer live up to that trust, you will not have to ask for my resignation, gentlemen. It'll be tendered without hesitation.

Admiral Thomas Boone:
A lot has changed since September 11th.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
So, the dolphin did come back?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Apparently.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
What's going to be the charge?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Sturgis hasn't decided yet.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Hasn't decided what?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Oh, sir. You've got to hear this. It's ridiculous.

[off Mac's look]

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
In a serious sort of way, sir.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I'm representing Seaman Apprentice Charles Bander. He released two Navy dolphins from a marine mammal deployment center.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Why?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
They think he did it on porpoise, sir.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
He felt he owed them a debt.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
You know, kind of a squid pro quo, sir.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
He was caught by one of the trainers in the dolphins' pen with a bucket of fish.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Red herring, probably. You know, trying to avoid pursuit.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
One more fish joke, and I'll have you filleted.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
What happened to the dolphins?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Well, they, uh, came back on their own.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
What would you charge him with, sir?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, there's, uh, Article 96: Releasing a prisoner without authorization.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
You enjoying yourselves?

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
[entering] Room for one more?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Yeah, if you promise no fish jokes.

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
Oh, not even one, just for the halibut?

[last lines]

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
I'd like to table our regular order of business. There's been a new development. With the, uh, CNO and commandant's blessing, SECNAV is standing up a prototype Joint Legal Service Center. Navy and Marine lawyers in the field under one command. Colonel MacKenzie... you've been selected for command of that unit. Your orders.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Sir, I... I don't know what to say.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
It's Joint Legal Service Center Southwest. You'll be stationed in San Diego.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
San Diego, sir?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, it's, uh, only five hours away.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Wouldn't make my vacation plans just yet, Commander. Hope you like Yorkshire pudding.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Force Judge Advocate, Naval Forces Europe?

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
You'll be stationed in London. You have two days' travel, four days' proceed. By the way, it's a captain's billet. The 0-6 board just reported out. Frocking's been authorized. Congratulations, Captain Rabb.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[Rabb is dreaming Rene and Mac are Kickboxing] Ladies to your corners!

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
You go to YOUR corner, HORMONE!

Lt. Loren Singer:
May I say something, sir?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Go ahead.

Lt. Loren Singer:
I'm aggressive, and I'm an overachiever. I know that about myself, and I don't pretend otherwise. I realize I'm the brunt of snide comments and jokes among the office staff, but I can't change who I am. However, I'm not a thief nor a liar. Short of that, I'll use whatever means necessary to achieve my goal.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Which is?

Lt. Loren Singer:
To be the first female Judge Advocate General. Sir.

[Meg learns the Thai ambassador's wife spent the night at Harm's apartment]

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You're making assumptions.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
Oh, you're saying you didn't sleep with her?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You are way out of line, Lieutenant.

Colonel Patano:
[catching Harm spying on the Thai embassy] You're on Thai property, Lieutenant. I could reach out, break your neck, and the police could do nothing!

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You'd never get that close, Colonel. Not in one piece.

Colonel Patano:
Have you ever killed a man, Lieutenant? Looked in his eyes, watched the life go out of him?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Is that what you did to Lieutenant Harbin? Or did you hold him and the ambassador stick the knife in his chest?

Colonel Patano:
The ambassador did not kill your lieutenant, and neither did I.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Is he just jealous of Angelique, or would he kill over her maid, too?

Colonel Patano:
We do not kill over women. That is a... Western weakness.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You just beat the women instead.

Colonel Patano:
You've spoken to Angelique. In embassy circles, clarity is often obscured by diplomacy. So let me be clear: you come near the Sonsiris again, and there will be another dead Navy lieutenant.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
The only reason I'm not flying jets is because of my eyes. They test fine, but under certain conditions, like landing on a carrier at night, forget it.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
Night blindness?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
There's a lot of things you're blind to. But you don't realize it until it's too late.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I'm going to be jumping to a lot more if you don't get my people out of there RIGHT NOW!

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Well, what're you going to do break my nose again?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[speaks quietly to Bud but doesn't take his eyes off Webb] Lieutenant, would you excuse us for a moment?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Aye Aye, Sir! [starts to leave the room]

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
[speaking quickly into his cell phone] We need to get in there! NOW!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[Roberts looks shaken as he's looking at something Harriett gave him] Are you okay, Lieutenant?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
I... I think I'm pregnant, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Did you expect this?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Someone taking over the embassy? Of course not.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
If you did, your ass is mine!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Commander, do not do anything to exacerbate the situation.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Don't worry, sir, you know me.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Yes I do!

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Sir, there's a dog in the hallway.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Yes, she's with me.

[loudly]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Come here, Damn it.

[Dog enters the room]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Sit, Damn it.

[dog sits down. Tiner leaves and closes the door]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You named the dog, Damn it?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
The name kind of found itself.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Damn it?

[Dog rises up and knocks over the folders on the desk]

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Oh, damn it.

Cmdr. Harmon Rabb, Jr.:
Did you fall asleep in court?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Yes, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon Rabb, Jr.:
What, like a head-bobbing thing, right?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Apparently, I was snoring, sir.

Lt. Loren Singer:
It isn't fair! I bust my ass trying to do the best possible job while he gets to use that kid of his as an excuse to slack off! Hmph! Maybe *I* should get a dog!

[after Singer is out of earshot]

Cmdr. Harmon Rabb, Jr., Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[to each other] Pit Bull!

[Bud was just cleared of the dereliction charge]

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
You remember when you said you would "kick my ass". Well, good job. Would you care to join us, Lieutenant?

Lt. Loren Singer:
[perturbed] How do you do that, sir?

Lt. Harriet Sims:
You'd need a *heart transplant* to understand that, ma'am.

Harm:
Mac and I have an announcement to make... We're getting married.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Congratulations!

Major General Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Outstanding! I knew you'd come around to the Marines.

Mac:
In either London or San Diego.

Harm:
For this marriage to be successful, one of us has to give up our commission.

Mac:
No surprise, we couldn't decide which one.

Harm:
So we'll let fate decide. Bud.

Bud:
When Admiral Chedwidden retired, he gave me his JAG coin.

[pulls out coin]

Bud:
And I thought this would be the perfect moment to use it.

[Shows one side]

Bud:
This is the side with heads.

[Shows other side]

Bud:
There is tails. Bride to be will call.

Mac:
[exhales] Tails.

Bud:
Always wanted to do this at the Superbowl. Here goes.

[tosses the coin in the air]

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Have you ever been in love?

Harm:
If you're looking for relationship advice, Mikey, you should talk to your brother.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
I tried that sir, but Bud doesn't want to talk to me about it.

Harm:
Why not?

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Uh, it- it concerns General Cresswell's daughter.

Harm:
Have you lost your mind?

Bud:
[Exiting his office] What were you talking with the General about?

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Uh, Cammie. His daughter. [Bud takes Mikey into his office and closes the door]

Bud:
Are you crazy? The General is my CO! And you're messing around with his daughter.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Bud... I mean, I'm not messing around with midshipmen okay? I just happen to be in love with her.

Bud:
No, you're not.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Yes, I am.

Bud:
Well, fall out of love.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Okay, Cammie and have been spending a lot of time together, okay? I'm as serious as I can be *under the circumstances*.

Bud:
Okay. I-I-I don't want to know about this. I *can't* know about this! Please... leave.

Mac:
You, uh, talked to Maddie?

Harm:
Yeah. That was the first call I made.

Mac:
She told you to go?

Harm:
Yes.

Mac:
What'd you say?

Harm:
I told her I wasn't going anywhere without her. We're still waiting for the ruling in Juvinelle court, however her father isn't contesting so...

Mac:
You're a good dad.

Mac:
He, uh, finally told you he's not going?

Harm:
Well, you know, once Harriette makes up his mind. That's pretty much it.

Harm:
Mac, we have 12 hours.

Mac:
We've had 9 years.

Harm:
I guess maybe, I just needed a deadline.

Mac:
Well, you got one sailor. [pause. Harm and Mac kiss] What are you proposing? And that's not a Freudian slip.

Harm:
I'm proposing. Let's get married.

[after Bud provides Harm with a vital clue to his case]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
There is a God, Bud. You know how I know?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
How, sir?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
'Cause he only took your leg. He didn't take your head.

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Lieutenant Singer, your itinerary, ma'am.

Lt. Loren Singer:
Thank you, Tiner.

[Tiner stands at ease expectantly]

Lt. Loren Singer:
Something else?

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Wanted to congratulate you, ma'am. You'll do well on the Seahawk.

Lt. Loren Singer:
Yes, I will.

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Anything further I can do to expedite your departure, ma'am?

Lt. Loren Singer:
Are you being friendly or eager?

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Bud needs you, dad.

Big Bud Roberts:
I've talked to him. He sounds fine.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Talking to him on the phone is not the same as seeing him.

Big Bud Roberts:
I don't want to see him like that.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
So, what, you're just going to avoid Bud for the rest of your life?

Big Bud Roberts:
No. I'll see him when he gets his...

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Prosthesis?

Big Bud Roberts:
Oh, God. Makes me sick just to think about it.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Come on, dad. You were in Vietnam. You must have seen plenty of amputees.

Big Bud Roberts:
I was not "in" Vietnam. I was off the coast on a ship. And the only time I ever saw pants without legs in them was when they were folded up on a supply shelf.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
He needs you.

Big Bud Roberts:
Mikey... I went to that hospital. I got as far as the elevator doors.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
And what stopped you?

Big Bud Roberts:
I don't know. I don't know, I-I don't know. I don't wanna talk about it.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Why the hell didn't I know you'd been charged with hitting your wife?

GSGT Joe Akers:
It was handled in-house, sir. It's not even in my service record book.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, it's a matter of public record now, Gunny.

GSGT Joe Akers:
I'm sorry, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I don't want your apologies! I want your cooperation. Do you have any idea what Colonel MacKenzie's trying to do in there? She's trying to establish that you, not your wife, is the one prone to violence.

GSGT Joe Akers:
Sir, it was a one-time thing... we were

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, what about the fight with Sergeant Gerard?

GSGT Joe Akers:
I told you about that.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yeah, but you didn't tell me it happened three days after the initial incident. It suggests premeditation! It tells the members you're capable of holding a grudge and plotting revenge!

GSGT Joe Akers:
So what does this mean, sir?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
It means the death penalty just came into play.

[Akers reacts in shock]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
It's unlikely... but there's not a lot of sympathy out there for wife beaters.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
You asked me before to conceal the fact that you lied about being a Jew during the Mars case, and I've decided to do so. You have nothing to worry about.

Lt. Loren Singer:
I appreciate it, sir.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
You are now Jewish as far as I'm concerned, as long as you act accordingly.

Lt. Loren Singer:
What, you're going to hold me to it, sir?

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Every chance I get.

Lt. Loren Singer:
Whatever turns you on, sir.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
[indicating his going-away gift to Loren] Go ahead, open it. It's called a mezuzah. It goes on the outside of your quarters.

Lt. Loren Singer:
You're serious about this, Commander?

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
[smiling] Wait until Chanukah.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
You have time to drive golf balls, but you don't have time to visit Bud.

Big Bud Roberts:
What, are you afraid your old man can still outdrive you?

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
No, I'm afraid my father cares more about his golf game than about his own son.

Big Bud Roberts:
Hey, watch your mouth, or I'll tee you up.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Dad, Bud's been home for over a month, and he needs your support.

Big Bud Roberts:
What's the matter? He doesn't have a crutch?

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
I can't believe you just said that.

Big Bud Roberts:
Yeah, well, that's why I won't go see him. 'Cause I'll say something like that, or something worse.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Well, wwe are a divided country, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Fortunately, we Americans have one thing in common.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Bad traffic?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Baseball.

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
Actually, sir, I'm not much of a fan.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[sighs] I've fired people for less, Coates.

Admiral Chegwidden:
[Harm and Mac are constantly saying the opposite of each other] Can the two of you agree on anything?

Mac:
[simultaneously] Yes.

Harm:
No.

Lt. Loren Singer:
[Talking about Lt Roberts] I bust my butt and he baby-sits his kid.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Nothing wrong with being a family-man, Lieutenant.

Lt. Loren Singer:
Or playing your family for all they're worth, sir.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Bud doesn't play his family, Lieutenant.

Lt. Loren Singer:
[sighs in exasperation] Maybe I should get a dog.

[walks away]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr., Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[Mac and Rabb pause a second, then simultaneously] Pit-Bull!

[They share a look of amusement and both chuckle]

Tim Cartwright:
You know what pilots use for birth control?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yeah, their personalities. What's the difference between a pilot and a jet engine?

Tim Cartwright:
Jet engine stops whining when it lands.

Captain Koonan:
[Harm is undercover as Gunnery Sgt Post] There's only *one* thing I want to know, Gunny. How did my men perform?

Harm:
*Outstanding*, sir!

Captain Koonan:
How can that be, Gunnery Sergeant Post? My men ended up in the brig! Did you see any Rangers in the brig, First Sergeant Creed?

First Sergeant Creed:
Not one Ranger, sir.

Harm:
Rangers are in Sick Bay, sir!

Captain Koonan:
I see!

Sgt Major Sauer:
[Harm is knocking on his door] You will address me as 'sir', recruit! Do you understand?

Harm:
I'm Commander...

Sgt Major Sauer:
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

Harm:
[coming to attention] Yes, sir.

Sgt Major Sauer:
Good! Because you are one of the most miserable specimens I have ever seen! There is no way in hell I'm gonna be able to correct what God has so badly screwed up! There is not enough time, unless you listen to every word that I say. Do you understand?

Harm:
Yes, sir.

Sgt Major Sauer:
Good. Then repeat back what I have just told you.

Harm:
Every word?

Sgt Major Sauer:
Are you making a joke, recruit?

Harm:
No, sir!

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey:
[after going on a tirade, Lindsey grabs Mac roughly, then lets her go] I'm sorry.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
You touch me like that again and you WILL be.

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey:
[after listing off Rabb's indiscretions at JAG]... and the Admiral thinks I'M not Captain material!

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[mockingly] So THAT'S what this is about, huh, Commander? The 'Good Child' syndrome. You keep your nose clean, I don't, but I catch all the breaks.

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey:
Oh, Commander, don't worry... your days of catching all the breaks are over.

Private Clauson:
I wasn't going to rape her, I was just goofing on her.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Private Clauson, you are currently the *luckiest* marine in the world. Do not make things worse for yourself by also being the STUPIDEST!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[Rabb has just been formally awarded his second Distinguished Flying Cross] Uh... Sir, I'm... uh... flattered, also... uh... a little confused. I believe I requested that no ceremony be conducted.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[Off handedly] Yeah, I ignored it.

Harm:
Come on, let's go

Mac:
I can't. I'm sorry, I can't.

Harm:
What do you mean, you can't? You're a Marine. Come on, Mac. What happened to that gung ho, semper fi, kickass jarhead I used to know? Don't let me down now Mac. We've made it this far. Damn it. This is precisely why we shouldn't allow women in combat 'cause when it comes to the clinch you know they're going to fall apart. If you were a real Marine...

Mac:
All right already. Shut up. You've made your point!

Harm:
Men have been naming airplanes after their women since the Wright Brothers.

Mac:
This isn't 1908, Harm.

Harm:
Three. They flew in 1903.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[Harm is piling the research work on Bud] Harm, Bud's been at it non-stop for thirty-two hours and twenty-four minutes.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
How do you *do* that?

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
My mother's Swiss.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Admiral, the void is sealed during construction. How would a body get in there?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Well, the same way as it did on the Great Eastern, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Enlighten us, Mr. Roberts.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
She was a double-hulled ship, too, sir. While she was under construction, a shipyard worker fell asleep in the void and was accidentally sealed inside. They said you could hear him pounding for years!

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[skeptically] Years, Bud?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Well, obviously it was his ghost, ma'am.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Obviously!

Jo Jo:
You actually flew missions into China?

Tom Boone:
Those missions are secret, Jo Jo. I hope I can count on you. The outcome of the war may depend on it.

Jo Jo:
Bob said we'd meet men like you.

Tom Boone:
We don't think of ourselves as brave. We're just men doing our job.

Jo Jo:
Oh, he didn't say brave. He said "full of crap".

[CAG is trying to hit on Diana Ross, with no success]

CAG:
You know, I was a big supporter of the Reverend Martin Luther King? [she looks at him with disgust] Honest.

[seeing his men with the USO girls]

Capt. Neilsen:
If they fought the Communists as hard as they are trying to get into these girls' pants, this war would have been over long ago.

Les Brown:
We should loan out Dixie and Jo Jo to the South Vietnamese. They've got a great defense.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Humor me, Chief. I like to blow the hell out something every once in a while.

Gunnery Chief:
I know what you mean, sir.

Gunnery Chief:
[after Rabb requests some ammo] That's a lot of firepower for a lawyer.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You've never seen him in the court room.

Sergente Giovanni Cade:
You don't know what you're up against, admiral. La Cosa Nostra has been in Italy 500 years, and they will be here 500 more.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Well, not all of them.

Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Did you think you'd sneak away without saying "goodbye?"

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
Why "goodbye" not "good luck?"

Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Didn't I say that to you when I was *stupid* enough to leave JAG?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
Yes, you did.

Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
You said you were happy for me.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
I was. But that was different, you were in love.

Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
And you're not?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
What has love got to do with anything?

Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Damn it. I have *so* much I want to say to you, but I can't - can't find the words.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
I know.

Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Damn you. Why am *I* the only one crying?

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
...he was telling me about this ageing retread...

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
Ageing retread?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[about Singer's cross-examination of Harriet] What the hell were you doing in there?

Lt. Loren Singer:
Discrediting the witness, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You attack her testimony to put doubt in the members' mind, Lieutenant. You attack her, you look like a bully.

Lt. Loren Singer:
They saw she wasn't objective.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
They saw a lawyer attacking a woman who lost her baby.

Lt. Loren Singer:
That was my point, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You brought her to tears, Lieutenant. You made her sympathetic.

Lt. Loren Singer:
The members knew what I was doing, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Two of the members are women who have children.

Lt. Loren Singer:
She was a strong witness, sir. I decided it was a risk worth taking.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well that's not your decision to make, is it? Where'd you get this dream stuff from, anyway?

Lt. Loren Singer:
Harriet told petty officer Tiner. He told me this morning.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I should have been informed.

Lt. Loren Singer:
Would you have used it, sir?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Not the way you did. You hurt us in there, Lieutenant.

Lt. Loren Singer:
I thought it was our best shot, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Our best shot comes this afternoon when we present our case. I'll be conducting both the direct and the cross.

Lt. Loren Singer:
Are you implying I'm a bad lawyer, sir?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Just inexperienced, Lieutenant, and without wisdom.

Lt. Loren Singer:
Permission to speak freely, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Denied. That'll be all.

[Mac just saved a corporal, who is guilty of rape, from an angry mob]

Cpl. Lassiter:
Thank you, Colonel.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[with disgust] I don't want your thanks, Corporal! You're a DISGRACE to that uniform!

Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez:
[to the Marine guards] Get him out of here!

Harm:
Admiral?

Admiral Chegwidden:
How are you doing?

Harm:
Fine. Webb? What are you doing here?

Admiral Chegwidden:
Getting decked! [spins around and punches Webb]

[promoting Bud to Lt. Commander]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Consider this my last act as Judge Advocate General.

Mac:
You know, men seem to pass through my life... except for you. Will you always be there?

Harm:
Yes.

[Harm turns to face Mac]

Mac:
Well then you need to know what the doctor told me...

[Camera zooms out and shows Harm reaching for Mac's hand]

[screen fades out]

Admiral Chegwidden:
[Harriet has just announced that she's pregnant with twins] Don't the two of you get to sleep?

Bud:
Apparently not.

Private Michelle Boyer:
You ever regret putting someone away, ma'am?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
No.

[Boyer slugs Mac]

Private Michelle Boyer:
Well, there's always a first time!

[Big Bud is trying to get out of being recalled to active duty by claiming to be gay]

Petty Officer Priscilla Ford:
Don't like women, huh?

Big Bud Roberts:
No. But I love men. What can I say? I find men attractive.

Petty Officer Priscilla Ford:
Really?

[starts whispering sexually suggestive comments into Big Bud's ear, with obvious results]

Petty Officer Priscilla Ford:
[suggestively] Ahhh. Is somebody having a *hard* day?

Petty Officer Priscilla Ford:
[brandishing a syringe] Arm or butt, Master Chief!

[Big Bud is trying to get out of being recalled to active duty by claiming to be a junkie]

Big Bud Roberts:
What about my drug screen?

Petty Officer Priscilla Ford:
Well, you did test positive. For someone *pretending* to be on meth amphetamines!

Big Bud Roberts:
I'm a speed freak!

Petty Officer Priscilla Ford:
Oooh. Love life in the fast lane, huh?

Mac:
If you have some evidence I should know about...

Harm:
You'll eventually get it, and then you can plea bargain.

Mac:
In your dreams Commander.

Harm:
Ohh, you don't want to be in my dreams, Major?

Mac:
Red light, Commander!

Harm:
Red light? There was nothing sexual in what I said, and if you think there was, then maybe I should be giving you the red light

Harm:
Well, I thought it was pretty funny when you ducked under the table.

Mac:
I'm a Marine, Harm. Marines don't duck.

Harm:
What do Marines do?

Mac:
They take cover, but they never duck.

Mac:
What on earth were you thinking?

Harm:
I was trying to make a point.

Mac:
You blew a hole in the roof!

Harm:
I guess I overdid it.

[Harm just shot up a courtroom]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Captain Morris suggested I have you transferred to Somalia but I told him that would be letting you off EASY!

Mac:
What are you doing with those books, Bud?

Bud:
Oh, these were just some I used in law school.

Mac:
I thought you were maybe researching something for Lt. Rabb.

Bud:
[clearly nervous] Oh, I'm not. And, if I were, I couldn't tell you, but since I'm not... I can... can't I?

Gunnery Sergeant Ray Crockett:
[to Rabb about Admiral Chegwidden] Commander, Gunnery SGT don't tell a two star he don't remember him.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
The colonel may find this interesting reading. It's Crockett's kill book, sir. The intimate details of one hundred and sixty-three confirmed kills.

Colonel Gordon:
I know what the gunnery sergeant is, Commander.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yes, sir. But you don't know *who* he is.

Colonel Gordon:
[talking about Gunny Crockett] The man tried to kill a colonel in the United States Marine Corps.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Begging the colonel's pardon, sir, if Gunnery Sergeant Crockett was trying to kill you, you'd be dead.

Colonel Gordon:
A free hand snapshot at a moving target over a thousand meters away, and you have the...

[Gordon glances at Commander Krennick]

Colonel Gordon:
...the gall to claim he hit what he was aiming at?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Not gall, sir. Confidence.

Colonel Gordon:
Davy Crockett couldn't make that shot.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
With your permission, colonel, I'd like to prove otherwise.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[Being interrogated by Gibbs about Singer's murder, quoting President Clinton] I did not have sex with that woman.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
That's not the best choice of words there, Lieutenant.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
How long you been doing this, Gibbs?

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
19 years.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Can you tell somebody's lying by looking them in the eye.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
I can.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, look into mine. Ask me. Ask me!

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
Would you kill for your brother?

[processing the crime scene, Tony notices a pin on their vic's jacket]

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
Hey. She's a JAG.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
So, what makes you think that I would be involved in any other way than professionally with Lt. Singer?

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
You're more comfortable asking questions than you are answering them, huh?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I guess I'm not used to being a suspect.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
Suspect? Who said you were a suspect? Have I read you your Article 31 rights?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
No, you haven't. Which means you're playing a very risky game, Gunny.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
I'm not smart enough to play risky games with a lawyer of your caliber, Rabb.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
That's "Commander Rabb." Or "Commander," or "Sir." *Gunny*. I believe, as a reservist, you're still technically in the Marine Corps.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
I am an NCIS Special Agent, and I don't have to salute you, or "sir" you, or give you any military courtesy. But you know that. So who's playing the games here?

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
Kid puts an arrow in a corpse. That's a new one.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
Just a variation.

[Tony chuckles]

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
I remember we found this old guy. Died watching TV. We found him sitting in the La-Z-Boy, stiff as a board, with a Bud in his hand.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Oh, please. Not another Baltimore homicide story.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
Looks like a natural death, but we got to wait for the M.E. to confirm it, right? So, it's dinnertime. My partner and I are starving, so we tell the beat rookie to keep an eye on the stiff. Rookie's never been alone with a body. Well, suddenly, the body goes out of rigor, slumps. The air trapped in the lungs is forced through the voice box, and the corpse *moans*.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Stop it!

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
Rookie freaks, empties his service revolver into the body.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
You know what I think, DiNozzo?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
Don't say it's an urban myth, man, 'cause I was there.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
I think... you were the rookie.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
[dryly] That's funny, Gibbs. Funny. Wrong, but funny.

Dr. Donald Mallard:
Agent Blackadder reminds me of a young woman I autopsied once.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
[asking about their current victim] When'd she die?

Dr. Donald Mallard:
Oh, gosh! Oh, that was in Hollywood. Let's see, it's got to be at least twenty years ago. She was an assistant film editor, and the film editor's wife caught them in flagrante delicto.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
[indicating the dead body] This one, Ducky. When did this one die?

Dr. Donald Mallard:
It's been a while.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
You care to be more specific?

Dr. Donald Mallard:
Not until I do the autopsy.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
Humor me.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
NCIS has discovered the remains of an unidentified JAG lieutenant in Potomac Park. Medical examiner estimates she's between four and five months pregnant.

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Oh, my Lord, sir, I hope it's not Lieutenant Singer.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, it can't be Lieutenant Singer. She's due in two weeks.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Have you been in contact with the lieutenant?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, I... Uh, no, sir. Not since she left three months ago. I was, uh... estimating.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Harm's right, sir. It couldn't be Loren. I mean the medical examiner wouldn't mis-estimate by four months.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
He hasn't conducted the autopsy yet. I assume the body's somewhat decomposed.

[knock on door]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Enter.

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Excuse me, Admiral. I tried Lieutenant Singer's San Diego number and her cell phone, sir. Both have been disconnected, Admiral.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Thank you, Tiner.

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Aye, aye, sir.

[Tiner exits]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Well, that doesn't look good.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, you're not writing her off, are you, sir?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You know, Commander, I may not personally know all seven hundred and fifty JAG officers under my command, but I damn sure would know if one was missing for three weeks.

[after NCIS captures Amad bin Atwa]

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Amad bin Atwa supplied money and explosives to Hasan Mohammed, who executed the attack on the Cole. They're an Al-Jihad team that's been together for nine years. If bin Atwa gives up Hasan, I want in on the kill.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
We're not tasked with capturing Hasan Mohammed.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Gibbs, my brother died on the Cole.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
I know that.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Then get me in on this!

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
You're not here to use NCIS as your personal instrument of revenge. You get your head around this murder case, or you pull your tailored suit out of mothballs and you march your butt right back to the J. Edgar Hoover Building. Am I clear, Agent Blackadder?

[Vivian doesn't respond]

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
Am. I. Clear?

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Very, sir.

Dr. Donald Mallard:
[flirting with Vivian while performing an autopsy] You sure you won't have dinner with me tonight, Viv?

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Oh, Ducky, you're disgusting!

Dr. Donald Mallard:
The pursuit of sex is an affirmation of life, Vivian. That's why older men are so lascivious.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
I'm talking about your lack of respect for the dead.

Dr. Donald Mallard:
I have the utmost respect for the dead.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Well, that's obvious from the way you speak to them.

Dr. Donald Mallard:
If you were dead, wouldn't it be nice if you were spoken to, rather than about?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I don't know who fathered Lieutenant Singer's baby, and I don't know who murdered her. So what else, Gibbs?

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
What'd your investigation show?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Hey, you were there. The admiral ordered me to stay out of this.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
Oh, I'm referring to the investigation you gave Commander Manetti to do on Lieutenant Singer's love life, prior to her deployment.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
[in the observation room with Vivian] Oops.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Yeah, "oops" is right. Without reading him his rights, we're gonna lose all this stuff in court.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
No, no, no. We got this stuff, Viv. Gibbs is setting Rabb up.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, Colonel MacKenzie's investigation into Lieutenant Singer's pregnancy wasn't going well. Mac and I are old friends, I thought I'd help.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
Reasonable answer.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yeah, the truth usually is.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
So, you wouldn't mind giving us a DNA sample?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
For what purpose?

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
Paternity test.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I didn't even *like* Lieutenant Singer!

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs:
I wouldn't say that during a murder investigation.

Lt Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr:
Palmer!

[Palmer turns around. Harm punches him. To Col Barrett]

Lt Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr:
I owed him that, Colonel!

Col. Ron Barret:
[to himself] And *we* have the bad reputation? Damn!

Admiral Hercules Elgin:
You want to cross swords with me, Chegwidden? Cause if we get into this, you might just find yourself fighting to keep the bars on your sleeve.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Well, I never meet a Seal yet who didn't like a good bar fight, sir.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I'm getting doors slammed in my face all over town! I've got a weapons program manager telling me DSD is not my concern! But I got people in the field, JAGs that I support, so I keep pressing, hoping that I can find the truth; so you can imagine my chagrin when I learned that not one, but TWO of my officers have been caught TRESPASSING!

Lt Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr:
I am sorry, Admiral. We were following an unidentified... aircraft, sir, that we believe to have been involved in the crash.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Unidentified aircraft, as in UFO?

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You're spending too much time in the desert with Lieutenant Roberts!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
[after Mac pinches Harm's face] What was that for?

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Just checking. One Harmon Rabb in my life is enough.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
MORE than enough!

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Who did this, sir?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
Special agent Clark Palmer.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Oh man, I really hate that guy!

Mac:
Marines don't duck, we take cover.

[Harm and Mac have just escaped from a land mine]

Harm:
How did you know that would work?

Mac:
I saw it in a movie.

Harm:
WHAT? You just trusted our lives to something you saw in a movie?

Lt. Loren Singer:
Petty Officer Tiner! You're friends with Commander Rabb and Colonel Mackenzie, aren't you?

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Yes, ma'am.

Lt. Loren Singer:
[gleefully] Then you should know that they've gone missing in Afghanistan.

P.O. Jason Tiner:
[shocked] That's terrible.

Lt. Loren Singer:
[cheerily] Yes, isn't it?

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Have you NO SHAME!

Lt. Loren Singer:
I don't know what you're talking about.

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Gleefully celebrating my friends' misfortunes while coveting their offices!

Lt. Loren Singer:
I said nothing of the sort.

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Oh, you wouldn't you little coward!

Lt. Loren Singer:
I am not a coward!

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Oh yeah? Then how about we forget we're Lieutenants for five minutes. Just you and me. [motioning Singer to a private office]

Lt. Loren Singer:
And do what, exactly?

[they go into the office]

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Take that, you B*TCH! [knocks Singer to the floor]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Lieutenants!

Lt. Harriet Sims, Lt. Loren Singer:
Yes, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Colonel MacKenzie and Commander Rabb have been located, safe and sound.

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Excellent news, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[noticing Singer's black eye] Lieutenant, what happened to your face?

Lt. Loren Singer:
I believe the appropriate response is, "I walked into a door."

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Would you like to make a more formal response, Lieutenant?

Lt. Loren Singer:
Yes, sir. I will most certainly respond but not in any way that would require the Admiral's attention, sir.

[Harriet emerges from the office where she decked Singer]

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Is everything okay, ma'am?

Lt. Harriet Sims:
[cheerily, while rubbing her fist] Perfect, Tiner.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Commander, you may have to amend your report. This just went from dereliction of duty to negligent homicide.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Alcohol and carbon monoxide in the blood, even in minute amounts, can hasten hypoxia, correct?

Lt. Sam Albrecht:
Yes, sir.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
According to the tox screen, Commander Zuzello had a carbon monoxide level of eleven percent per carboxy-hemoglobin and a blood alcohol level of .009. Now, this is fine if you're driving a car, but in an F-14 with a compromised oxygen system...

Lt. Sam Albrecht:
Commander Zuzello didn't do anything wrong, sir.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Wrong, no, but for a man who nearly failed his hypoxia demo, smoking and drinking the night before a mission, wouldn't you consider this unwise, Lieutenant?

Lt. Sam Albrecht:
It's easy to judge now, sir. It's also easy to blame someone who's not here to defend himself.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Lt. Commander Rabb, As you know, I've always been open to respectful disagreement, but you ever badger me like that again and I'll supervise your ass right out of Washington.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yes sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[after Rabb walks away] Good luck.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Colonel, Commander, correct me if I'm wrong, didn't I advise you to drop the investigation?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
It - It wasn't our investigation to drop, sir.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
It wasn't?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.:
No sir, we were... simply sitting second chair.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Hmm... Oh, uh, almost forgot. Commander can you be at the Washington Momument at 1700?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.:
The Washington Momument at 1700, sir? Why?

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I think she called it the magic hour. Ms Peterson, she says the light is just perfect.

Navy Lt. Catherine Graves:
I am not letting you in, Vukovic, okay? I am on guy-atus.

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
Guy-atus?

Navy Lt. Catherine Graves:
A hiatus from guys...

[after a row, Tali storms off]

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
Yeah, that's right. Run away like you always do!

Lt. Tali Mayfield:
[comes back] You know, you don't just use people. You use people UP!

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[on the phone, trying to arrange a flight for Admiral Chegwidden] I'm trying to find a flight to Rome, preferably today. No, I'm not kidding. Hello? Hello?

[Bud plays with a Christmas toy and it accidentally bumps into Admiral Chegwidden]

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Is this your robot, Lieutenant?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
No, sir. Not really. It's a Christmas present for one of the kids at the Children's Hospital. I guess it, uh... uh... wandered off, sir.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[hearing something nearby] What the hell is that sound?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Chipmunks?

[off Chegwidden's expression of disbelief]

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Their Christmas album, sir.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Lieutenant, this building is the JAG headquarters for the United States Navy. We don't allow chipmunks, squirrels, gophers, or any other type of singing vermin in JAG. Understood?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Yes, sir.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Good.

[Chegwidden walks away, then pauses]

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You found me a flight to Italy?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Actually, I'm waiting on a few phone calls, sir. But I am working on it.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Work harder.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[being introduced to Chloe] You can call me Bud.

Chloe Madison:
Butt? What's that short for? Butt-Ugly?

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
CHLOE!

Chloe Madison:
Hey. It's just a joke. I'm just trying to break the ice here.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Well, you broke it! Now you're sinking in it.

[being introduced to Admiral Chegwidden]

Chloe Madison:
Oh, so *you're* the sexy Admiral.

[regarding Chloe's stepfather's abusive girlfriend]

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
We had a little chat, girlfriend to Marine, I don't think there'll be any more problems.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Mr. Roberts.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Yes, sir.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I need to get to Milan tonight.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Uh but, sir, the storm.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Come hell or high water, Lieutenant.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Aye aye, sir.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
There are navy people here, you're going to have to deal with them.

Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez:
If I'm going to be the Gunny here, Admiral, they're going to have to deal with *me*!

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
Did I loose an engine?

Lt. Dalton 'Boomer' Jonas:
Yeah that's what happens when you run out of fuel.

[after A.J.'s marriage proposal to Meredith fails]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was? She paid it! She paid the damn check! You told me you set it up! That they knew what was going on! It took me half an hour to-to-to trace the ring down. Some damn dishwasher was trying it on!

P.O. Jason Tiner:
I am so sorry...

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Sorry, my ass! Listen, numbnuts, you stay out of it! You...

P.O. Jason Tiner:
I'm sorry, Admiral. Next time...

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
No, hell no, there's no next time! You stay out of it. You just stay out of it! I'll take care of it myself!

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Sir...

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Dismissed!

P.O. Jason Tiner:
Aye, aye, sir.

[after witnessing Harm and Sergei arguing]

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
You two really *are* brothers!

Donald J. Guter:
She defended a dog?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
And won!

Donald J. Guter:
And I thought troubleshooting for the SECNAV was interesting.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Don, anytime you want *this* job...

Donald J. Guter:
A.J. you couldn't *pay me* enough to be the Judge Advocate General.

[Chegwidden laughs]

Gloria Goldberg:
[speaking of Rabb] He's gorgeous!

Lt. Loren Singer:
Think so? He just doesn't do it for me.

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
[after recalling when Brumby defended his client by blaming Mac] He had to say that he was defending his client.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
He was right.

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
About me being guilty?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr:
About some people being in love with you. [cut to commercial]

Mac:
What do you want?

Harm:
I want a lot of things.

Mac:
What do you want the most?

Harm:
The thing I want most... is to never lose you.

Lt Colonel Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
[speaking of Mic] He gave up his career and country for me! Are you willing to give up your GIRLFRIEND?

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
What are you willing to give up?

Lt Colonel Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Answer my question first!

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs:
Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS.

Major Jack McBurney:
Major McBurney.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs:
I know.

Major Jack McBurney:
[indicating a shooting target] Want me to set one up for you?

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs:
I'm here to discuss the Rabb case. How long you figure this trial's going to last?

Major Jack McBurney:
Why, you got someplace to go?

[Gibbs grins]

Major Jack McBurney:
Where?

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs:
Need to know, Major. You don't.

[PA system calls for cease fire]

Major Jack McBurney:
How long this goes depends on how well we do on the stand. I assume your people are prepped.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs:
How 'bout you, counselor?

Major Jack McBurney:
Looks like a slam dunk. You disagree?

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs:
Rabb's a smart lawyer. If he's the killer, he made some dumb-ass mistakes. Only nailed him because he was protecting his brother.

Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman:
What happened that night at Benzinger's bar?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I met with Lieutenant Singer. We argued. She left, I followed her outside, we argued some more in her car.

Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman:
And was that when you phoned your brother using your cell phone?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yeah, I wanted to be there when she told him it wasn't his baby. I wanted to look into her eyes.

Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman:
Because you didn't believe her.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I rarely believed anything Lieutenant Singer said.

Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman:
I read your interview with Gibbs. Why didn't you tell him your story?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I was protecting my brother.

Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman:
Fine, but when they told you that the murder happened in January and not six weeks ago, you knew your brother couldn't be involved, so why not cooperate then?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Because by then I looked guilty. And I decided to trust Navy justice instead of Navy cops.

[Coleman sighs]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Look, there are enough holes in this case to raise reasonable doubt.

Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman:
There's also enough evidence to tie you to the murders and a string of witnesses, your colleagues, will testify to angry words between you and Lieutenant Singer right up to the time of her death.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, it could be worse, I guess.

Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman:
How?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I could not have an alibi.

Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman:
You have an alibi?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
No.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs:
You're going back to the FBI.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
What?

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs:
To get whatever they have on bin Atwa.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Right.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs:
Also want transcripts of all previous Al-Jihad interrogations mentioning his name or Mohommed's.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
That'll take weeks!

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs:
You got two days. If you can't get it done by then, don't bother coming back.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Good morning, Tony. What are you doing? That investigation's wrapped up.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
Is it?

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
Oh, you're in Gibbs' camp now? "Rabb didn't do it."

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
Think outside the FBI box for a sec, Viv. It's too perfect. I'm a cop; it just doesn't sit right.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
What do you got for me?

Abby Sciuto:
Well, I tested the sediment of the fibers in the cover. There were high concentrations of quartz, feldspar, and kaloinite.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
I flunked Earth science, Abby.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
As you know, your cover was found near the scene of the crime.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You want to know how it got there.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
We know. It was planted.

Major Jack McBurney:
Looks like you may be off the hook, Commander.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
We did some checking into Lieutenant Singer's love life. She was seen having dinner and drinks with a sandy-haired man.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
My brother, at Benzinger's bar.

Special Agent Vivian Blackadder:
No, no, no. This guy was older. And they never met at Benzinger's.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
Checked the JAG security log. We got a suspect. We just need to know if he had the opportunity.

[Tony hands Rabb a photograph; flashback of Commander Lindsey taking Rabb's cover]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
That son of a b*tch. He did it right in front of me.

[arresting Commander Lindsey]

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
You probably know your Article 31 rights, but I kind of like reading them.

[DiNozzo has Lindsey dead to rights]

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
Do you know why I always catch the doctors and lawyers?

[Lindsey shakes his head]

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo:
They over-think.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
I must remember this new defense strategy, Skates. Tell the members to go to Hell.

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.:
It only works if you're innocent, Mic.

Capt. Tobias Ingles:
Your closing, Commander, was that a lawyer's trick or did you mean what you said?

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.:
Well I always mean what I say, sir. [Ingles nods starts to walk away] Captain. [Ingles turns around] Should the opportunity arise, sir, I'd be honored to serve under your command again.

Capt. Tobias Ingles:
I'd like to have you back, Commander.

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
[Rene breaks up with Rabb] It's not your fault.

Rene Peterson:
I know. I'm a catch!

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
[the convening authority is dropping the case] Sir, I WANT this one!

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You *can't* have it!

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Hello, Harm.

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
What brings you here, Webb?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Helping a friend in the building.

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
I didn't know you *had* a friend in the building.

[a large sum of money has inexplicably appeared in the bank account of Harm's friend]

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
Did Rick have a relative, anybody who might have given him this kind of money?

Michelle Stoechler:
No. And if he did, he would have told me.

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
Michelle, I need to find out how that money got into his account.

Michelle Stoechler:
Look, he wasn't selling information.

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
I didn't say that he was.

Michelle Stoechler:
You were thinking it.

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
Look, Michelle, there are issues outside of this money.

Michelle Stoechler:
What issues?

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
I wish I could tell you, but because of the sensitivity of this intelligence...

Michelle Stoechler:
Or the lack of. I'm on my way to pick up the suits that Daniel and Sam are going to wear to their father's funeral, and you come here with this. Do you know how pathetic it is for you to blame Rick when he's not even here to defend himself?

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
Michelle, I'm trying to clear his name.

Lt Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr:
[making a statement in a congressional committee] I have a question for Congressman Martin. Why is it people are so willing to believe the worse of our military? Why are the people who put it on the line like this person [indicating Sgt Morrison] the last to be trusted, and people like this [indicating Dale Nalporte] the first?

Harm:
Thought you had orders to stay away from me.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Well, that was before you went into open court to get that subpoena. Now my boss is afraid you'll go running to the press.

Harm:
Not a bad idea. Might get the attention of the President. He may wonder why the CIA has nothing better to do than to keep a secret that's 34 years old.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Don't do it, Rabb. Either way it turns out, you lose.

Harm:
This isn't about me, Clay. And it's not about need to know, either. It's about real people with a hole in their lives that can't be filled with anything other than the truth. They need to know, because if they don't, it'll keep eating away at them. They need to know that they're not going to wake up in the middle of the night, every night, for the rest of their lives, wondering what happened to the people they loved.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Some people give up that right to know. Maybe not voluntarily, maybe it's taken away from them, but it's gone, nonetheless. That's the way it is for the families of the stars on this wall.

Harm:
Yeah. Well, at least they have a star. Where are the stars for the crew of the Angel Shark?

Catherine Gale:
I don't like working in the dark like this.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
You'd better get used to it. It's the CIA. And you don't have to whisper; we don't bug ourselves.

Catherine Gale:
Clear?

Harm:
Oh, yeah. I think I get it. We can't tell the court why it needs to be declassified because the reason it's classified is classified.

Catherine Gale:
You've got it.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I'm not a chauvinist.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
No, your not.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, thank you...

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
You're arrogant, which can be misinterpreted as chauvinism.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
Tell me about the relationship between you and the commander. What is he to you?

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
He's my sailing instructor.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
I think he's a father figure.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
I have a father.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
That's being generous.

Lt. Bud Roberts:
[his client is overweight] This case is bigger than you are... Metaphorically speaking.

PO 2nd Class Roland Potts:
How else am I supposed to shape up, sir?

Lt. Bud Roberts:
Stop eating.

PO 2nd Class Roland Potts:
Sir, that's what Colonel MacKenzie said.

Lt. Bud Roberts:
Well, I stopped eating, and I lost twenty pounds.

PO 2nd Class Roland Potts:
Whoa! How'd you do that, sir?

Lt. Bud Roberts:
I... broke my jaw.

PO 2nd Class Roland Potts:
Oh... did that hurt, sir?

Lt. Bud Roberts:
Don't even think about it, Potts!

Catherine Gale's Mother:
Do you want children?

Harm:
Yes.

Catherine Gale's Mother:
How were you able to convince her?

Harm:
Well, I told her God gave her those hips for a reason.

Catherine Gale:
I like getting to know other attorneys outside the courtroom. The deep ones drop the mask and reveal who they really are.

Harm:
And what am I revealing?

Catherine Gale:
An inability to drop the mask.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Garcia sold American military hardware to a known terrorist. I doubt he's having dinner with the Vienna Boys Choir.

Mac:
Men come and go, they lose their hair, their looks, but diamonds stay hard forever.

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Here are the photos for your office, sir. Sorry there's no pictures of naked breasts. I know how you like to gawk at them.

[hands Bud some envelopes]

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
I don't want to gawk at naked breasts. I want to gawk at yours...

Lt. Harriet Sims:
[apoplectic] Did HE just say what I THINK he said, Ma'am!

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Sorry, Harriet. I missed it.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
I'll go hang these... , then myself.

Master Sgt. Manny O'Bregon:
Watch where you're going, sweetheart!

Edward Proxy:
Don't flatter yourself. You're not my type.

[Harm has escpaed from the brig with help from Clayton Webb]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
If you hear from Rabb, you will tell him to RUN, NOT WALK, to the nearest police station, fire station, post office, Coast Guard station, Cub Scout troop, I DON'T CARE WHAT! Because if he doesn't turn himself in, I will see to it that he spends the rest of his natural life turning *big rocks* into *small ones*. Do I make myself CLEAR!

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr., Lt. Cmdr. Carolyn Imes:
Aye aye, sir.

[Harm is trying to convince Chegwidden to let Mac back into JAG]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
If I were you, I'd STOP trying to help her, Rabb! If it wasn't for high-level intervention from this office, YOU'D be facing charges of BRIG BREAK!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Aye aye, sir.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Colonel, Commander.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Bud, what's wrong?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Little A.J. He's missing.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
What?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Mikey took him to the mall, and he disappeared.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, how long has it been?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
About eight hours.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I'm sure he'll turn up.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Do you want to fly home?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
I don't know, sir. I... I don't want to desert you. You have the Secretary-General testifying tomorrow...

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Just leave us all your research material. We'll manage.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[close to tears] They'll find him by the time that I get home, right?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Of course they will.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
And if they don't, and he...

[Bud stops, and composes himself]

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Permission to return home, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Permission granted.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Thank you, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Call us.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Good luck, Bud.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
How could you lose him? What... what were you thinking?

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
I... I just turned away for a second.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
How do you expect to be a Naval officer - a leader - when... when you can't even watch a six-year old child for a couple of hours?

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
I'm sorry.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Sorry?

[Bud scoffs]

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
You're worthless. You've always been worthless. And you'll always be worthless!

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Mikey, um... about what I said. I didn't mean it.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Forget it.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
No, you're going to make a fine Naval officer.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Yeah, I know that. But do you know it?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
What? Do...? Of course.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
I don't think so. You still see me as your kid brother. Kind of dumb, kind of worthless. Yeah, you'll always see me that way. You and dad.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Mikey, that's not true.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
No, it is true. And you know what? I'm... I'm tired of it. So next time you need a babysitter, a chauffeur, a stooge... call someone else. Oh... it's not "Mikey". It's "Mike."

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
If APTERN is flawed, finding the flaw will save lives. And that is our ultimate responsibility.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
[half-smiling] You sound like my dad.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Uh oh. I'm in trouble when you start comparing me to your father.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
My brother?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Even worse.

Josh Pendry:
Did you fly with my daddy?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
A long time ago.

Josh Pendry:
He was the best, wasn't he?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yes, he was.

Josh Pendry:
Why did he crash?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I don't know, Josh. But I'm gonna find out.

Commander Dale Bishop:
People make mistakes. A man shouldn't have to risk losing his career for one mistake.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
No, sir. If I can't prove it wasn't pilot error, Mr. Reid will make public what he believes to be true. It's hard enough for a boy to grow up without his father. He shouldn't have to be ashamed of him, too.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I need to ask you both a question. If you murder co-counsel in the courtroom, can you cop an insanity plea?

Lt. Harriet Sims:
[simultaneously with Harm] Absolutely.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yes.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I thought so.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
With any other judge, I'd have won this case days ago.

Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenzie:
I'm sorry I'm not complying with your schedule.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Every time I work in an advantage, you slap me down.

Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenzie:
Because you ask for it.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You're relentless, you know that?

Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenzie:
Hmm. So I've heard. I'm the hanging judge. The source of all your problems, right?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
That's right. But... though it pains me to admit, you're good. You don't let me get away with the stuff I pull on other judges. You really do know my playbook. Most of all, though, Mac... you know the law. And I hate you for it.

Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenzie:
I'll take that as a compliment.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Good. Just remember this magnanimity when I'm on the bench, okay?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I just hope you're not working on one of Rivers' crazy schemes.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You know me Mac.

Lt Colonel Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
He said you were actually fair.

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
Well you're going to marry him, so it's only natural for us to get along.

Lt Bud Roberts jr:
Sir, about that M.R.I...

Lt Colonel Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
[Harm is fantasizing that Mac is dressed in a slinky dress] It's going to rain this afternoon. Perfect weather for making love.

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
[holding an ice pack to his head] Well, you would know, sweet thing.

Lt Colonel Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
[comes around the side his desk dressed in her uniform] Harm? Harm? Are you ok?

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
I'm fine.

Lt Colonel Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
You called me sweet thing.

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
Well, why would I call you that.

Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
[after another vision of Mac] I'm losing my mind.

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
I don't see how I can help you, gentlemen.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Sir, there has been a serious miscarriage of justice.

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
Allegedly.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Almost certainly, Mr. Secretary.

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
At this point in time, only the president has the authority to order a retrial.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Sir, you could suspend the remainder of Mr. Wainwright's sentence.

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
But there's another recourse. File a writ of habeas corpus on the grounds that Wainwright's constitutional rights were denied due to a Brady violation.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
We considered that, sir. But it could take months for the federal district court to hear the arguments and issue a decision.

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
I suggest keeping the president out of this.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I'm aware that Congressman Bolton represents your home state, sir.

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
And if he's guilty of misconduct, he's going to answer for it. But we can't afford to go after him, not now.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Don't you mean not ever, sir?

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
Watch your tone, Commander. Congressman Bolton is a ranking member of the House Armed Services Committee. And he's spearheading the opposition to the Navy's low-frequency active sonar project. If we go after him now, it smacks of retaliation.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Politics.

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
Damn right, politics. The president's under a magnifying glass. He can't give his enemies anything to use against him. Maybe next year.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Mr. Secretary, former Seaman Wainwright has spent the last twenty-two years of his life in prison for a crime he didn't commit, sir. Every day he remains there is an affront. He can't afford to wait until next year, sir.

[a polygamist's wives are asking Mac to drop the charges against him]

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Did you put them up to that?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
I wish I 'd thought of it!

Capt. Richard Carey:
Seaman Wainwright, the members found you guilty of assault and sentenced you to six months' confinement.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Credit for time served, Your Honor.

Capt. Richard Carey:
Granted. Seaman Wainwright, stand at ease. Twenty-two years ago, you made a foolish mistake. Youth and ignorance are no excuse. However, this court martial has ruled that there was a tragic miscarriage of justice. Apologies are inadequate to compensate you for your lost years. All of your rights, privileges, and property, including back pay, will be restored and you will be honorably discharged. On the part of the United States Navy, I wish you well and pray that the remainder of your life brings you joy and fulfillment. You are a free man. This court martial is adjourned.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[Rivers is limping] You get shot?

Lt. Curtis Rivers:
No. A copperhead bit me.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Well I hope you bit him back!

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
Ask the Commander, he'll tell you ma'am.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Tell me what?

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
What I did, why I did it. He understands, I told him what happened.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
You told him everything?

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
Yes, ma'am.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Well then, you just added him to my witness list.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Wait a minute...

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
You can't do that!

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Actually, I can.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yes, she can, but she really doesn't want to.

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
Because Commander Rabb, is my *lawyer*.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
WHAT?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
I thought you quit JAG?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I did quit JAG! I can't be your lawyer!

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
You already are, sir. I told you things confidentidentially, and you gave me legal advice?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
He did? YOU DID!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Uh, well uh, maybe a little.

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
You're my man, Pappy.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Well, PAPPY, I'll be seeing you in court!

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
Sir, they're sending me to a FENAB. They want to ground me!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well what did you expect, Buxton? A promotion?

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
You have to help me, sir!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Actually, I'll be testifying against you.

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
AGAINST me? I-I just heard you in court, talking about my intelligence, my initiative, how they had to acquit.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I was your lawyer. It's my job to get you off.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
We're not the same. I'm not reckless. I don't fly stupid.

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
That's what it about, huh? You know I'm better than you and you can't stand it.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I wouldn't care if you were the greatest pilot in the world. You inspire those guys [the other other pilots] to pull the same stunts that you pull, then you're a menace. Not to the enemy! But to THEM. To US!

Lt. 'X-Man' Buxton:
They can't do this. The X-man HAS to fly.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Not any more, Andy. Not any more.

[Krohn is having a vision of an ambush arranged by Palmer]

Clark Palmer:
What's the matter? Havin' trouble figuring it out, God-boy?

Sergeant Major Charvis Krohn:
You never saw the Padre, did you?

Clark Palmer:
Of course I did! He was a big fat guy, red suit, white beard, sack full of toys. Oh, wait a minute. That was SANTA CLAUS!

[diabolical laughter]

[as Krohn is being released from jail, Palmer is being escorted back to Leavenworth]

Clark Palmer:
[referring to Father O'Rourke, Krohn and Rabb] Well, well, well. If it isn't the Father, the Son and the Holier-than-thou Attorney!

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Keep talking, Palmer. This latest round of charges should add a couple of more DECADES on to *your* sentence.

Clark Palmer:
Maybe I can get Charvis here to testify as a character witness. I mean, you're all about forgiving everybody.

Sergeant Major Charvis Krohn:
*God* forgives, Clark. But I think even *he* will make an exception in your case.

Colonel Ahmad Al-Barzan:
In exchange for Scimitar's identity, you and Lieutenant Rabb will be deported from Iraq in disgrace, but with your heads intact.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
Go to hell

Colonel Ahmad Al-Barzan:
Christian or Muslim hell?

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
Whichever will take you.

[the Secretary has reviewed both Lindsey's report, and Chegwidden's rebuttal]

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
I want you to know, Commander, that I am going to start a new investigation, into YOU! In the meantime, you are relieved of your duties in this office and I want you OUT OF THE BUILDING ASAP!

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey:
Yes, sir!

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
*DISMISSED*!

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey:
Aye aye, sir!

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
[as Lindsey is leaving, in an icy tone] Good Bye!

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Commander O'Neil?

Beth O'Neil:
Commander Rabb.

[they shake hands]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
How long have you...

Beth O'Neil:
What? Been working for the spooks? Pretty much since you got me cleared on the harassment charge. The navy just didn't feel like home to me after that. So, uh, what made you jump ship, Commander?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Uh, it's Harm.

Beth O'Neil:
Beth.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Guess I pushed my CO's patience a little too far this time.

Beth O'Neil:
You were asked to leave?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
No, I left voluntarily. I, uh, was asked not to return.

Corporal Jason Magida:
I'm glad you didn't pull the trigger, Commander.

Capt. Gayle Osbourne:
Worried about me?

Corporal Jason Magida:
Worried about the Commander. My weapon, it doesn't have any bullets.

Capt. Gayle Osbourne:
Hello, Admiral. Nice to know you're alive.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You don't expect me to return that compliment. Do you?

Capt. Gayle Osbourne:
What I can do for you?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Stand down. I can resolve this.

Capt. Gayle Osbourne:
You're a hostage, Admiral. I can't place any value on anything you say.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You will give me time to work this out, Osbourne! Or so help me God I'll have your ass when I GET OUT OF HERE!

Capt. Gayle Osbourne:
Well I'm sure you'll try, A.J. One hour after that I take you.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Osbourne used to be C.I.A. and there's no such thing as an ex-C.I.A. agent.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Yes, sir. Understood.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
I can decipher computer codes in as little as 30 seconds, sir.

Harm:
And as long as?

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
Three days, but that was in Chinese.

Weapons Officer:
[learning Harm was an aviator] What'd you fly, Lieutenant?

Harm:
Tomcats.

Weapons Officer:
From Tomcats to JAG?

Harm:
I broke one. They wouldn't give me another one.

Weapons Officer:
[snickering] How'd you do that?

Harm:
Night vision problem.

Weapons Officer:
Tough break.

Harm:
I can live with it.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Doing something when you're scared is what courage is all about.

Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.:
Tiner!

P.O. Jason Tiner:
[Turns around] Sir!

Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.:
[Tosses his cover to Tiner] For when you make Commander. May it bring you better luck than it did me.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
So what did you have to do? Beg the Admiral to let you back in? Or did he just pin another medal on your chest?

Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.:
I'm out.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
[turns to Mac in disbelief, then faces Harm] Wow!

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
[after Harm gets a phone call] Job offer?

Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.:
C.I.A. They want to see me tommorrow at 0800.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
What did you *do*, buddy?

Cmdr. John Flagler:
Do you two always work this well together?

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
When he lets me do all the talking.

[Harm has been talking to Bud, and is unaware that Chegwidden has picked up the phone]

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Hey, Bud. If the Admiral asks, be sure to tell him...

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
...Everything he wants to know!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[embarrassed] Aye, aye, sir.

Commander Alison Krennick:
[about Rabb] NCIS is demanding to have him removed from the investigation.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Demanding?

Commander Alison Krennick:
Yes, sir. Specifically, the investigator on board the Seahawk. An agent "Turkey".

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
"Turkey"? You're kidding me.

Commander Alison Krennick:
No, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[laughing] And I thought "Chegwidden" was bad.

Commander Alison Krennick:
He's demanding that Lieutenant Commander Rabb be removed from the investigation, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Nobody pulls a JAG officer off an investigation except me or God, and He hasn't asked.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Lieutenant J.G. Meg Austin, meet Lt. Commander Jack Ketter. My roommate at the academy, and the second best naval aviator I know.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
The CAG being the best sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I've been going through your file, Rabb. Reads like a cross between Top Gun and A Few Good Men.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I'm sorry, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I'm not! Navy needs heroes. Now more than ever.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
How would I know you had a hand in this, Webb?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
I have a hand in everything.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
I want to know everything you know. If I find out you're withholding anything I will do you serious damage.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
I'm not in your chain of command.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
No, but you are in my line of fire, Mr. Webb.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[sashaying up to a guard] Hey.

Guard 1:
Nice boots.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Thanks. [takes out the guard with a swift kick to the head] I hate it when guys stare at my boots.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
[finding out if Webb has killed anyone] I'm not talking about missions where people have died. I'm talking about face-to-face.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Once. He recovered.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
Were you trying to kill him?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Yes.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
That's okay, I just have to worry about your bad aim.

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
A car is strictly transportation to me. I don't *need* it to define my sexuality.

Lt Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
Well, otherwise you'd be driving a Humvee.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
There's one thing I've always admired about SEALS, Admiral.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
Just one?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Their code of never leaving a man behind. In the company, we not only leave them behind, we deny ever knowing them.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
About a year ago, she returned to Italy and kidnapped this man.

[picture changes to Tim Fawkes]

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Know him?

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
[Chegwidden spins Webb around] You know DAMN well I know him Webb! You wouldn't be here! WHAT's THE GAME?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
No game, A.J. Tim Fawkes recruited me into the company. Became my mentor. Taught me everything he learned in 30 years. Even told me about a SAG OP in Laos where he saved the life of a young SEAL Lieutenant back in '68.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
Why didn't you ever tell me you knew Tim?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
If I had, I have to tell you how I let him down the day he was kidnapped.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
How do you people expect any loyalty?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Abandonment is the price we pay for getting caught.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
I have a source who can locate him, but I need help. I thought since Tim once saved your life.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
Tim didn't save my life. He saved my soul!

Lt. Bud Roberts Jr.:
I've had my Bug since I was Sophomore in San Diego. I built it from the frame up. I flipped a gazillion burgers to pay for her! She's got more great *memories* than she does miles! I even lost my v-v...

Lt Harriett Simms:
Your v-v what?

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
Senor Amati, many people have tried to kill me one time or another. They're mostly dead. So there's a good chance that your brother-in-law will join them if he does come after me... Does he have other sons?

Enrico Amati:
Uno.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
When he comes... I'll regrettably kill him too... And after him?

Enrico Amati:
My sister will expect me to uphold the honor of mi familia.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
Then I'll have to kill you. I don't want to have to do that.

Enrico Amati:
[in Italian] You're either a very *bold* man, or crazy!

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
[In Italian] Not crazy. Practical.

[In English]

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
A killing between us does not embarrass the Camorra.

Enrico Amati:
Very true.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
You WARNED Teresa Marcello that she was under sattelite surveillance Decker!

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
What the HELL's going on, George?

George Decker:
Look I told you I'm in charge of the Fawkes situation. Now let it go before some gets killed!

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden:
[AJ slams Decker against the wall] I'll tell you someone is gonna DIE in about 10 seconds if they don't come up with some answers!

Lt Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
Why don't you, uh, come with me and pick out w new car with Harriett and Bud?

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Uh - Isn't that something *Jordy* should be doing?

Lt Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr:
[scoffs] Mac, you pick out a car with your girlfriend, you might as well buy her a ring!

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
How's your Hebrew?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
It's not as good as my Farsi, but it's passable. "The subject, Akay Anwar, born into a wealthy Indonesian family, educated in London, arrested by the Indonesian authorities in '93 on suspicion of subversive activities. Tortured. Charged with numerous acts of piracy. Only recently tied to Bali hotel bombing."

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
He's starting to bankroll terrorists. Did you see the manifest for the Pulau?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
It's on my list. Why?

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
Among other things, she's carrying 20,000 pounds of ammonium nitrate. Fertilizer.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Mixed with the fuel from their tanks...

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
It'll make the Oklahoma City bombing look like a firecracker.

Dora Cresswell:
My mother said "Only good parents have doubts. It's the ones who think they know it all, never learn a thing."

Lt. Gregory Vukovic:
You look pretty good in leather.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
It's neoprene.

Bud:
[to Harriet over the phone] You cannot wear a dress stolen from Madonna!

Mac:
[off to the side, to Harm] We taught him well, didn't we?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Colonel, will you stop interrupting me? You're worse than Coates!

Mattie Grace Johnson:
How'd you learn how to cook?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Trial and error, mostly. Mostly error.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
While you are in this building in that uniform, you will address me as "Lieutenant" or "Sir", NOT "son", "Buddy" or "Bud". Is that clear, MASTER CHIEF?

Big Bud Roberts:
[through restrained anger] Very clear... sir!

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[talking to Big Bud regarding Bud] Don't you hurt that boy.

Big Bud Roberts:
No, sir.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
'Cause if you do, you'll answer to me. And Master Chief...

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[beat] you DON'T want that!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[Harm reveals that Big Bud really was guilty] I know why you chose Bud as your lawyer. To hedge your bets. If he won, great. If he lost, you appeal. What were you going to claim, inadequate council? That he was too emotionally involved? You were going to sell out your own son to get off the hook.

Big Bud Roberts:
You're not gonna tell him, are you, sir?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[firmly] No! And neither will you, Master Chief!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Major Sarah MacKenzie, meet Lt Commander Jack Keeter, the SECOND best pilot I know.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
The CAG being the best.

Lt Bud Roberts Jr:
You knew the Admiral would never go for a ground extraction. You set him up to fight your battle with Sec Nav.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Never take up a fight when there's someone else ready to take your place

Lt Bud Roberts Jr:
How do you sleep at night?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
On the right side.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[Simms disposed of the Admiral's lunch] There is no nesting at JAG HQ!

Ens Harriet Sims:
[starts crying] Sorry, sir.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
There isn't any *crying* either!

Minister Nassan:
A personal correspondence from Commander Ketter to his father. I pass it on as evidence that we are civilized.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
This letter has been resealed, sir.

Minister Nassan:
It's Iranian glue, it never sticks.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Why are we in an interogation room?

[Bud's jaw is broken, Webb can't understand him. Bud writes on a notepad and gives it to Webb]

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
"Why are we in an interogation room?" Oh it isn't an interrogation room. It's a reception room.

[Budd looks at the mirror behind him thinking someone's on the other side]

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
It's just a mirror.

Air Traffic Controller:
[after Rabb lands the plane] Welcome to Korea U.S. Navy. You just cost me 50 bucks.

Bud:
[Bud mumbles then writes something down] Why are we in an interrogation room?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Oh, this isn't a interrogation room. It's a reception room.

[Bud looks around and notices a mirror, goes over to the mirror and starts looking at it suspecting that there are other agents behind it]

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
It's a mirror, lieutenant.

Gang lookout:
Top Gun and Snowflake have arrived.

Captain Overton:
Any chump can join a gang. It takes a man to walk away from one.

Private First Class Terence Hanson:
Thank you, sir. You saved my brother's life.

Captain Overton:
Thank me if he survives. Gunny Kane makes me look like a pussycat.

Private First Class Terence Hanson:
I doubt that, sir.

Lt. Cmdr. Vera McCool:
[about Mac's breakup with Webb] Do you feel guilty about what happened?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I'm an alcoholic. I feel guilty about everything.

[Mac is asking for something to help her insomnia]

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
You have no intention of writing me that prescription, do you?

Lt. Cmdr. Vera McCool:
No, Colonel. I would have if you hadn't revealed your alcoholism. I won't, as a rule, prescribe medication to those with a history of substance abuse.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
What they say about Gold Wings and Dress Whites? *Highly* overrated!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[after Bud finds the witness in Harm's case] Bud, if you were a woman, I'd kiss you.

Captain Baxter:
Do you two always work this well together?

Mac:
When he lets me do the talking.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Commander, Captain Baxter read your report as well. He said thank you for proving Russian subs are perfectly capable of sinking themselves on their own.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Thank you, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
The hard way as usual.

Lt. Cmdr. Tracy Manetti:
Most serial killers fit a basic profile. Single white male, young, father absent from his life. Usually distant from his mother and a lack of a committed relationship with a woman...

[Manetti notices Harm's facial expression]

Lt. Cmdr. Tracy Manetti:
What is it, sir?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, I was just thinking that, uh, could describe me.

Lt. Cmdr. Tracy Manetti:
You're too old to fit the profile, Commander.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Oh. Well, I don't know whether to be insulted or relieved.

Lt Cmdr Manetti:
I never miss a chance to shut up, and this seems like a dandy time.

[singer is visiting Harriet at home]

Little A.J. Roberts:
[seeing Singer at the door] Mommy, is that the Wicked Witch?

Lt. Harriet Sims:
[to Singer, embarrassed] Uh, we were just watching the Wizard of Oz.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Do you believe your brother was capable of committing suicide?

Sarah McBride:
The signs say yes. But my heart says no. Maybe I just don't want to believe that all of this could be happening again.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
How'd you know where I was?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Where else would you be on a carrier during ops?

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
In the front seat of an F-14.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Not this trip.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I can dream.

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Sir, Bud told me about the conversation you had with him.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
'Fraid that your marriage can't withstand the separation?

Lt. Harriet Sims:
No, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Your husband will cheat on you?

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Never, sir; I would kill him.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
H'mm, fear of extreme bodily harm has always been an excellent incentive for fidelity.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[to Mac] With Commander Turner's anger at me, and the Admiral's anger at Commander Rabb, this used to be a lot more pleasant place to work.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[finds Bud at JAG looking exhausted] You had the baby! No wonder you look like hell!

Lt Bud Roberts jr:
Sir, baby Sarah died.

[starts crying]

[Danny's actions have caused Chegwidden to lose his car and Dr. Walden]

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You screwed with me. I don't care about that so much, but you're preventing your mother from truly being happy and you ought to be *ashamed of yourself*!

Danny Walden:
Hey! She IS happy. And I'M happy! It's not our job to make YOU happy!

Danny Walden:
[as Chegwidden walks away] Enjoy the rental car.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[menacingly] I'll be sending you the bill... BOY!

Captain Lishi:
Commander Rabb, how are you feeling?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Fine.

Captain Lishi:
"Commander" sounds so formal. What do your friends call you?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
"Harm", "Rabb", "pain in the butt".

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[after Mac makes some drunken comments] You're not just a drunk. You're a *mean* drunk.

Detective Frank Coster:
My advice: if he comes back, shoot to kill. If you only wound him, he'll sue you.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[about her drunken rant at Harm] I said some horrible things to you.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[brushing it off] I've had worse things said. Forget about that.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
What are you doing?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Calling you a cab.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Harmon Rabb, Jr. So righteous. So pure. You never had a weak moment in your life, did you?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I'm going to wait outside.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Oh, wait a minute. I forgot. Yeah, you have had weak moments, of course. Your long lost father. Neurotic Annie.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You know you're not just a drunk. You're a mean drunk.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Coster. I had a bad feeling about you.

Detective Frank Coster:
You should learn to trust your instincts, Rabb.

CPO Lane Merker:
How can I help?

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
What can you do?

CPO Lane Merker:
What do you like?

Vince Dolan:
Hey, Jenny. You don't write, you don't call. What's up?

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
I thought you were in prison. Get the hell out of here, Vince.

Vince Dolan:
Now, that's not the way you talk to an old friend, now, is it?

P.O. Jennifer Coates:
It is the way I talk to a son of a b*tch I never want to see again.

Annie Pendry:
Has Harm ever lied to you?

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
He's... mislead me.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Either way you're in danger.

Admiral Chegwidden:
So's the Major.

Harm:
Yes, sir, I know. If you know anyway to make her stay behind I wish you'd tell me.

Admiral Chegwidden:
I could order her home.

Harm:
Yes, sir. You could.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
[Webb puts his hand on the mute button] Do it! Rabb will never come back now that he's got the blood scent. Cut your losses!

Admiral Chegwidden:
You have always had a way with words, Webb. [takes Webb's hand off the phone] Mac speaks Russian, you don't. Better chance staying alive with her. Do you agree?

Harm:
The odds are better with her, sir.

Admiral Chegwidden:
Find your father, Harm.

Harm:
Thank you, Admiral.

Hotel Desk Clerk:
Does your friend have a reservation?

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
No. Is that a problem.

Hotel Desk Clerk:
Problem, yes. We have no vacancies.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Well I suppose we could share.

Hotel Desk Clerk:
You share room, you pay double. [Speaking in Russian to another clerk] If he can afford this bimbo, he can afford double.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[Mac responds in Russian. Harm pulls out his translation book] It's not in the book.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[about an old case Harriet is looking through, in which she thinks the accused is innocent] Look, Harriet, you have discovered a criminal who has acted out of character. Big surprise.

[chuckles]

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
What are you going to do, re-open up the case? I mean, come on, Harriet. You're no Erin Brokovich.

[Harriet looks shocked and she slaps the folder down on the desk]

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
That didn't come out the way that I wanted it to.

Lt. Cmdr. Alan Mattoni:
No hard feelings, ma'am.

Lt. Loren Singer:
Nothing personal, ma'am.

Cmdr. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
Then let me *make* it personal. The difference between Admiral Hollenbeck and you is he didn't intend me harm. Therefore, he gets my forgiveness.

[to Singer]

Cmdr. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike:
YOU get my *contempt*!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Mr. Atef, what happened on September 11 was reprehensible. But our way of life entitles you to a fair trial, no matter how cowardly the act.

Mustafa Atef:
A wise precaution for a nation so morally corrupt. Want to know what I say about September 11? Every single person who died that day got exactly what they deserved.

[after a heated debate between Sims and Singer regarding Singer's leadership style]

Lt. Loren Singer:
Well, now you can tell all your little friends how you told off the Wicked Witch of the West. DISMISSED!

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes:
Harm, if I can survive your crazy stunts, I can survive *anything*!

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
In one way or another, we're all searching for something.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Oh yeah? What are you searching for?

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
What every woman wants. A great career, a good man, and comfortable shoes, lots and lots of them.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You know, when the Admiral first told me he was partnering me with a Marine major I had these visions of a tattooed jarhead, challenging me to arm wrestling at lunch hour.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Well, I do have a tattoo, I'm a pretty good arm wrestler, and although I don't like the term, I am technically a jarhead.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up! You have a tattoo? How come I've never seen it? Now, where would one find this tattoo?

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
[back pedaling fast] I'm afraid that's classified information, Commander.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Oh yeah? You have a tattoo!

Lt. 'Bubba' Fields:
Papers are talking about UFOs and aliens.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
You heal yourself up and try not to punch out of any more airplanes.

Lt. 'Bubba' Fields:
Will do, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[as he leaves] Oh, Lieutenant, if you get a visit from any strangers in black suits and sunglasses, don't talk to 'em. [winks]

Lt. 'Bubba' Fields:
Aye, aye, sir.

US Ambassador Bartlett:
How safe is this vest?

Gunnery Sgt. Granger:
Oh, it's top of the line, ma'am. It can stop a 9mm round at point-blank range.

US Ambassador Bartlett:
What if someone aims at my head?

Gunnery Sgt. Granger:
...Duck, Ma'am.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
If security gets any tighter, they'll be strip searching us.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
I wouldn't get my hopes up, sir.

Gunnery Sgt. Granger:
The Shining Path threatened a retaliation, ma'am. They've just made good on it.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
The minute your men leave the embassy, they become an invading force.

Gunnery Sgt. Granger:
They have kidnapped one of my men, lieutenant. I am not *suing* to get him back.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
And I will not let you start a war!

Gunnery Sgt. Granger:
With all due respect, lieutenant, stay out of my turf. And I will stay out of yours.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
He's young, gunny.

Gunnery Sgt. Granger:
They're all young, ma'am.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
There were extenuating circumstances.

Gunnery Sgt. Granger:
He's a marine, lieutenant. He's got a duty to perform.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
Which is hard enough without you making his life miserable.

Gunnery Sgt. Granger:
If you baby him he'll start second guessing his training and instincts, and that gets people killed.

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
In Texas we had a dog that would take on anything to protect our cattle. Eventually we had to shoot him because he got so damn vicious he didn't care what he killed.

Gunnery Sgt. Granger:
Permission to speak frankly, lieutenant?

Lt. j.g. Meg Austin:
Put it on the table, gunny.

Gunnery Sgt. Granger:
I know you don't like me or the way I operate. But it's my job to keep this embassy secure and my boys alive. This is not a courtroom. It's a battle zone. And I don't get to appeal when I lose.

[Harm has been selected by the SecNav as a military escort for a royal princess]

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Do I have a say in this, sir?

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Not if you're smart.

Minister Vartan Kepish:
[after Princess Alexandria kisses Harm] That really isn't a very good idea.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[shrugging] Well, I thought it was a damn good idea. Too bad I didn't think of it.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Look, it's a government car, all right? Nobody gives a damn about scratching a government car!

Billie:
Well, they do if they pay taxes!

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
How long does it take to eat?

Agent Ito:
Depends. This Major a looker?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
[thoughtful pause] Seven-point-six.

Agent Ito:
Wait, wait, wait - you break it down into tenths?

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
I use the Richter scale.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
[about Bud] Admiral, this... officer doesn't have any skills I need.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
He has enthusiasm, and knowledge that's already proved useful. Now this may be your investigation, but it's my Navy. He goes.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
I guess being adversarial comes from being a lawyer, Admiral.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[tapping his ribbons] No, from bein' a SEAL.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
Takeoff's in an hour.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Introduce yourselves to Clayton Webb, Special Assistant to the Undersecretary, who has point on this for State.

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
More than point, Admiral. The Declaration of Independence is a federal document. It's a State Department investigation.

[Chegwidden stares daggers at Webb]

Special Agent Clayton Webb:
With the cooperation of the Judge Advocate General's Corps, of course.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Just call us "JAG", Mr. Webb. It's not such a mouthful.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I keep forgetting I don't know you.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Deja vu again?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Only whenever I see your face, or I hear you talk. I wouldn't know about your smile; I haven't seen one yet.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
There's not much to smile about.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I guess not.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Sounds like I have a twin out there.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Not anymore.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Mr. Roberts, do you know any military protocol for entering a vehicle with a senior officer?

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Sir, yes, sir. One of the first things I learned at NROTC. When entering a vehicle with a senior officer, the junior officer enters first and the senior officer last, so when exiting the vehicle, the senior officer can exist first and the junior officer last.

[Bud smiles]

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
You're the junior officer, Bud.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Colonel O'Hara is your uncle and you didn't tell me?

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
I thought you knew and were playing it cagey.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I'm not that devious, Mac.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Yeah, well, somebody is. I got pulled off a double murder case to work this investigation and I doubt it was because of my vast experience with mail holdups in Arizona.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Well, it wasn't the admiral. He shoots straight from the shoulder. Webb, on the other hand, is probably devious taking a leak.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[Harm pulls out his cell phone] Who are you calling?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Admiral Chegwidden.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Wait a minute. What happens when you tell the admiral that Colonel O'Hara's my uncle?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
He'll ask you where he might be.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
And I'll refuse to answer.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I wouldn't do that, Mac. Not to Admiral Chegwidden. He's liable to charge you with dereliction of duty.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
And he'd have every right. So please, don't make the call.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
Then I'll be the one withholding information.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
If Webb and that FBI SWAT team get a hold of him, who knows what'll happen? So far, no one's been hurt. Give me a chance to keep it that way.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Don't try to get into Palmer's head, Harm. It's not a nice place to be.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[Mac can't sleep /staying in Harm's apartment] Would you mind if I stripped it down?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[turns around puzzled] What did you say?

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Would you mind if I stripped your pistol down? It'd give me something to do.

Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[while picking up Harm and Bud in Jail] What's the Admiral going to say when he hears about this?

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[steps forward] Oh I think he'll understand.

Lydia Sims:
Harriet, you have to get a grip. You are getting married in half an hour.

Ens. Harriet Sims:
No mother, I'm not!

Lydia Sims:
It's not like a Beaumont to quit!

Ens. Harriet Sims:
I'm not a Beaumont! I am an Ensign in the United States Navy! I'm sick as a dog. And my fianc?e got BEAT UP by a pregnant stripper last night! [phone rings. Mac answers the phone]

Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[to the phone] Hello? Uh just a minute. [to Harriet] It's your future husband.

Ens. Harriet Sims:
I have no idea who that might be.

Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
[to the phone] She's still getting dressed, Bud. I'll have her call you when she's ready. Okay.

Ens. Harriet Sims:
Mother will you do me favor.

Lydia Sims:
Anything darling.

Ens. Harriet Sims:
Don't talk to me for the next 24 minutes.

Lydia Sims:
[shocked] Pardon me?

Ens. Harriet Sims:
Mother this is *my* day. This is the husband that I want. This is the life that I want. You can either enjoy the day, and you can share in my happiness. Or you can sashay your Southern Belle butt right back home. And there is no middle ground!

Master Chief Petty Officer Big Bud Roberts:
You guys always had food to eat. You - You had clean clothes. You had a roof over your head.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
We could have gotten that at an orphanage.

Master Chief Petty Officer Big Bud Roberts:
Yeah? Well I don't need to take this from you, Mr. Big Shot Lieutenant Lawyer! [shoves Bud]

Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Dad don't.

Master Chief Petty Officer Big Bud Roberts:
Yeah, what are you going to do about it? [shoves Bud again]

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Stop it! [defending himself]

Master Chief Petty Officer Big Bud Roberts:
Yeah? MAKE ME!

Mike 'Mikey' Roberts:
Dad don't!

Master Chief Petty Officer Big Bud Roberts:
You shut up and keep out of this or I'll close your other eye! [makes a fist. Bud grabs his fist]

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
DON'T YOU *EVER* RAISE YOUR FIST AGAINST MIKEY OR ME AGAIN!

Master Chief Petty Officer Big Bud Roberts:
[as he and Mikey are leaving] You won't be seeing us any time soon.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
Mikey, you'll always be welcome in my life. But I NEVER want to see you AGAIN!

Ens. Harriet Sims:
Sir, if you ever get tired of the Navy you could make a fortune as a wedding planner.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Don't spread that around. I'd hate to have to kill you.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[trying to retrieve his dress whites from a strip club] Hey, look, pal, I don't want any trouble, all right? I got a wedding in the morning, and I need the uniform!

Joe Garvey:
Listen, man, I'm warning you right now - I'm a black belt! Don't make me hurt you.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
And I'm warning you right now, I'm a lawyer! Don't make me sue you!

Lt. Loren Singer:
You'll find my report quite thorough, sir.

Captain Johnson:
I'm not disputing your attention to detail, Lieutenant Singer. I just happen to disagree with your findings.

Lt. Loren Singer:
A man was killed when that arresting wire snapped, sir. Another was seriously injured.

Captain Johnson:
Are you under the impression, lieutenant, that this is the first time a tragedy like this has befallen a carrier during flight operations?

Lt. Loren Singer:
No, sir. I just want to know why it happened on *this* carrier.

Captain Johnson:
You know why.

Lt. Loren Singer:
The boatswain's mates were collecting foreign object debris. A broken piece of launching rail that should have been removed prior to the landing of the second F-18. An arresting wire that shouldn't have broken snapped while trapping a plane that should have been waved off.

Captain Johnson:
In a perfect world, Lieutenant Singer, every piece of FOD would be removed prior to the next landing. Every trap would be like clockwork, and no one but the enemy would experience casualties. But we do not live in that world. Had those boatswain's mates not acted, you'd be investigating the loss of an aircraft now and God knows how many fatalities.

Lt. Loren Singer:
I am aware of that, sir.

Captain Johnson:
You want to cut to the chase, then? Save me some reading? What is it you're after?

Lt. Loren Singer:
For one thing, I want to court martial all the personnel that had a hand in putting those men in that position in the first place.

Captain Johnson:
[waving Singer closer] You have *got* to be kidding?

Lt. Loren Singer:
I assure you, sir, I'm quite serious.

Captain Johnson:
Who exactly are we talking about here?

Lt. Loren Singer:
Your landing signal officer, sir. Your air boss, the arresting gear department chief, the LSO's assistant, the arresting gear operator petty officer, the pri-fly lens operator, the...

Captain Johnson:
[interrupting] That's enough. Thank you, lieutenant.

Lt. Loren Singer:
I gave due consideration to these recommendations, sir.

Captain Johnson:
I said that's enough.

Lt. Loren Singer:
[standing at attention] Aye, aye, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
Lieutenant Singer is a competent investigator, Captain. She's just a little too eager to prove it sometimes.

Captain Johnson:
I wouldn't disagree, sir.

Captain Johnson:
Commander, I have found that arguing with attorneys is rarely a winning proposition.

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
I've heard that you're a man of few words. It's kind of unusual for a lawyer, isn't it?

Col. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
I try to choose those few words carefully, sir.

SecNav Edward Sheffield:
[talking to Col. Cresswell] You know, for a guy who barely speaks, you've got a canny way of getting your point across.

Col. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
I don't judge men by the decisions they make so much as their willingness to take responsibility when those decisions produce unexpected results.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
[speaking on intercom] Hello, Jordan, hello...

Clark Palmer:
She's tied up right now.

[to Jordan, his bound and gagged victim]

Clark Palmer:
Sorry, couldn't resist. I always wanted to say that.

Lt. Cmdr. Jordan 'Jordi' Parker:
So you weren't losing it after all.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I guess I don't need therapy, huh?

Lt. Cmdr. Jordan 'Jordi' Parker:
Oooh, that's too bad, 'cause I think you would have liked the therapy I had in mind.

Harm:
[to Mac] Tell you what. Five years from this moment if neither us are in a relationship, we go have ourselves a kid.

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
You and me? Have a baby together?

Harm:
Yeah, with your looks and my brains he'll be perfect.

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
And what if SHE has YOUR looks and MY brains?

Harm:
That could work too. [pause] So what do you say. Deal?

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
Don't make a promise you can't keep.

Harm:
I haven't yet. [they shake hands]

Harm:
You okay?

Mac:
Every time I think I've put the pieces of my life back together somebody comes along and jumbles them back up. Every body who has ever meant anything to me is leaving my life.

Harm:
You'll be okay, Mac. You'll get to see Chloe again. One day you'll have kid of your own.

Mac:
Yeah that's right. My biological clock is going off and I keep hitting the snooze button.

Harm:
Tell you what... five years from this moment if neither of us is in a relationship, we'll go have ourselves a kid.

Mac:
You and me? Have a baby together?

Harm:
Yeah, with your looks and my brains... he'll be... perfect.

Mac:
And what if she has your looks and my brain?

Harm:
That could work too. So what do you say? Deal?

Mac:
Don't make a promise you can't keep.

Harm:
I haven't yet. [Mac and Harm shake hands]

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
[Harriett's in labor] What can we do to make you feel better Harriet?

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Shoot me!

Harm:
[Harm's cell phone rings] Hello? Yeah. Harriett, it's for you.

[hands her the cell phone]

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Me? Hello. BUD WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

Lt. Harriet Sims:
[Harm and Mac enter the Admiral's office after hearing a crash] He fainted!

P.O. Jason Tiner:
No I didn't.

Lt. Harriet Sims:
Like a school girl!

Harm:
You've delivered a baby?

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby:
Yeah it's a piece of cake. Delivered dozens of 'em back home in Aus. Sort of comes with living in the Outback.

Harm:
Really? You ever deliver one in a hospital full of terrorists?

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie:
I'll get the measuring stick out later boys!

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden:
[Chegwidden is delivering the baby] Hey, his head's out! You wanna feel it?

Lt. Harriet Sims:
NO!

Manny:
You can't arrest me!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.:
I'm not going to arrest you. I'm going to shoot you!

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
[seeing Mac in her swimsuit] Permission to speak freely, Mam.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie:
Of course.

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.:
WOW!