Mad Men

[repeated line]

Don Draper:
What do you want me to say?

Pete Campbell:
A thing like that!

Midge Daniels:
[on the phone with Don] I want you to pull my hair, and ravish me, and leave me for dead.

Stan Rizzo:
Big weekend plans?

Don Draper:
It's Tuesday. I don't know.

Stan Rizzo:
I was talking about me. My cousin's coming in.

Don Draper:
Stan, assume that you're working.

Roger Sterling:
[holds up a wad of cash] It's more than a thousand, Harry. That... is a month's salary. After taxes.

Harry Crane:
There's no window in there.

Roger Sterling:
You could buy yourself a very beautiful picture of something to look at.

Harry Crane:
[takes the cash] Well, okay. But you're going to owe me.

Roger Sterling:
No I'm not. I just gave you a lot of money. This is a "transaction". If you don't like it, we can have the conversation you THOUGHT we were having.

Harry Crane:
So this is every month?...

Roger Sterling:
Get the hell out of my office.

Roger Sterling:
Is it just me or is the lobby full of negros?

Joan Holloway:
Men don't take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate.

Roger Sterling:
His name is Ed. He's at Dow-Corning. They make beautiful dishes, glassware. Napalm. And his wife's name is Lillian. Don't forget that.

Mona Sterling:
I thought you married Jane because I had gotten old. And then I realized it was because you had.

Peggy Olson:
I should go home and change, shouldn't I?

Joan Holloway:
Or better yet: Go shopping!

Roger Sterling:
I've been in the war room, Don, preparing for the American Cancer dinner. Caroline went to the library and got me pictures of these guys. I'm 50 dollars away from a seating chart.

Don Draper:
Look, I don't take this honor lightly.

Roger Sterling:
Good, say something like that. Titans of industry are giving you an award. We are being lowered in a bucket into a goldmine. I'm gonna bring my pick and crack something off the wall.

Don Draper:
Utopia.

Rachel Menken:
Maybe. They taught us at Barnard about that word, 'utopia'. The Greeks had two meaning for it: 'eu-topos', meaning the good place, and 'u-topos' meaning the place that cannot be.

Ken Cosgrove:
[after Joan bends over in front of the 2-way mirror] I wanna stand and salute that.

Poetry Girl:
[reciting her poetry] "Last night, I dreamed of making love to Fidel Castro, in a king sized bed at the Waldorf Astoria. 'Viva la revoluci?n', he roared as he vanquished my dress. Outside the window, Nikita Khrushchev watched us, plucking a chicken."

Roger Sterling:
We know there's a black spot on the X-ray - you don't have to keep tapping your finger on it.

Don Draper:
We're going to sit at our desks and keep typing while the walls fall down around us because we're creative - the least important, most important thing there is.

Pete Campbell:
[to Don Draper, after Draper has authored a one-page ad in the New York Times with the headline "Why I'm Quitting Tobacco"] You did what was best for you because you're impatient and childish. You had a tantrum on a full page in the New York Times.

Pete Campbell:
I'll lose my partnership!

Trudy Campbell:
You'll lose your stateroom on the Titanic!

Bertram Cooper:
Keep joking. You're cynical and craven. Tobacco put a roof over your head, and it fed your children.

Don Draper:
And then it killed my business.

Roger Sterling:
Well, I gotta go learn a bunch of people's names before I fire them.

Don Draper:
You haven't said anything about the letter.

Peggy Olson:
I thought you didn't go in for those kinds of shenanigans.

Don Draper:
Recently my advertising agency ended a long relationship with Lucky Strike cigarettes, and I'm relieved. For over 25 years we devoted ourselves to peddling a product for which good work is irrelevant, because people can't stop themselves from buying it. A product that never improves, that causes illness, and makes people unhappy. But there was money in it. A lot of money. In fact, our entire business depended on it. We knew it wasn't good for us, but we couldn't stop. And then, when Lucky Strike moved their business elsewhere, I realized, here was my chance to be someone who could sleep at night, because I know what I'm selling doesn't kill my customers. So as of today, Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce will no longer take tobacco accounts. We know it's going to be hard. If you're interested in cigarette work, here's a list of agencies that do it well: BBDO, Leo Burnett, McCann Erickson, Cutler Gleason & Chaough, and Benton & Bowles. As for us, we welcome all other business because we're certain that our best work is still ahead of us.

Raymond Geiger:
I've been working a long time. I know that, despite the public's imagination, food is cyclical. I don't mean seasonal, but I mean, literally, there's a time for beans and there's a time for ketchup. But I don't have that time, so I want to force the issue. You know, something inventive. Humour worked with the pickles, but pickles are funny. The way beans are funny, we can't use that. We have to fight it, actually.

Geoffrey Atherton:
You are a certain kind of girl, and tobacco is your ideal boyfriend.

Don Draper:
Can you get us a date?

Geoffrey Atherton:
Philip Morris is introducing a new brand for young women, hoping to have it on the market in eighteen months, and they'd like a new agency on it from the ground floor.

Roger Sterling:
How much is it?

Geoffrey Atherton:
Close to five million dollars. It's a start.

Bertram Cooper:
Wonderful.

Pete Campbell:
And what stage of the process has your influence bought us?

Geoffrey Atherton:
A meeting. No-one else has one.

Bertram Cooper:
We will listen more than we will speak.

Geoffrey Atherton:
Like a good girlfriend.

Ted Chaough:
[speaking in affected Boston accent] Is this here, ah, Don Draper?

Don Draper:
Yes...

Ted Chaough:
This is Bobby Kennedy. How are you this lovely morning?

Don Draper:
I'm well. Thank you, Senator.

Ted Chaough:
Bobby, please. Listen, I just want to say that I admire your, ah, fortitude and vigor and standing up to what I consider to be one of the, er, ah, great menaces to this civilization as we know it.

Don Draper:
That's very flattering.

Ted Chaough:
I have one question. Does your company represent Secor Laxatives?

Don Draper:
Yes. Yes, we do.

Ted Chaough:
Well, are you gonna be writing anything against them? Because I want to make it clear that I am, er, ah, firmly anti-laxative.

Don Draper:
[overhears laughter on the other end] Who the hell is this?

Ted Chaough:
[laughs] Teddy Chaough! Thanks for sticking my name in there with the big boys. A full-page ad in The Times. What did that run you?

Don Draper:
[hangs up] A little mix-up there. That was Eunice Kennedy.

Don Draper:
Every day I tried not to think about what would happen if this happened.

Bertram Cooper:
[to Roger Sterling] Lee Garner, Jr. never took you seriously because you never took yourself seriously.

Peggy Olson:
Every time something good happens, something bad happens.

Joan Harris:
[to Roger Sterling] I'm not a solution to your problems. I'm another problem.

Faye Miller:
God, I'd think this place would be packed still.

Don Draper:
It's eight o'clock. There's only so much we can pretend like we're doing.

Don Draper:
You wanna stay? [Faye nods] I'll probably fall asleep on you.

Danny Siegel:
Lane Pryce isn't coming back. That's my guess.

Fred Rumsen:
I think they'd do that in a memo.

Stan Rizzo:
I've got five that says Cooper's retiring.

Fred Rumsen:
No champagne? I'd say he's got cancer.

Peggy Olson:
That went well.

Harry Crane:
You have lipstick all over your teeth.

Peggy Olson:
What?

Lane Pryce:
There's been a small adjustment to the scale of our Christmas party.

Joan Harris:
Lower or higher?

Lane Pryce:
Lee Garner Jr. will be joining us. I trust you'll make the appropriate improvements.

Roger Sterling:
Well, I don't. We need to change its rating from convalescent home to Roman orgy.

Don Draper:
[after the Christmas party is ruined by an obnoxious client] Did you... enjoy the Fuehrer's birthday?

Roger Sterling:
May he live for a thousand years.

Pete Campbell:
[Regarding being in the running for Jaguar] Yes, well, other than Roger, who started drinking at exactly 7:55 this morning, [pause] no one has given me the [pause] reaction I desire from this blessed event. [pause] Bert?

Bertram Cooper:
They're lemons. They never start.

Pete Campbell:
[Irritated] Meeting adjourned.

[at a staff meeting]

Lane Pryce:
It was our plan to distribute Christmas bonuses this year, but... quite selflessly, the partners have elected to forgo their share in the interest of rewarding the staff for a job well done.

[silence]

Roger Sterling:
You're all getting Christmas bonuses and we aren't.

[applauds]

Roger Sterling:
You know it's sacrilege to say this but Pearl Harbor was an act of genius. The only thing they didn't plan for was success - the Japs won, and they didn't know what to do with it.

Trudy Campbell:
There's no way for me to escape; to not be an object of pity while you get to do whatever you feel like. I have never said 'no' to you.

Pete Campbell:
That is not true! What are we doing out here?

Trudy Campbell:
We're done, Peter. This is over.

Pete Campbell:
You want a divorce?

Trudy Campbell:
I refuse to be a failure. I don't care what you want anymore. This is how it's going to work: You will be here only when I tell you to be here. I'm drawing a fifty mile radius around this house and if you so much as open your fly to urinate, I will destroy you. Do you understand?

[after Don confronts Pryce about forging his signature]

Lane Pryce:
It was a thirteen day loan.

Don Draper:
And then we cancelled the bonuses.

Lane Pryce:
You delayed them and then you cancelled them. And then you wanted the money for Joan, and I'm the one who's committed the crime?

Don Draper:
Are you gambling?

Lane Pryce:
No. I owed taxes on my portfolio, which I liquidated for fifty thousand dollars into this firm after we lost Lucky Strike!

Don Draper:
If you needed it so badly why didn't you ask?

Lane Pryce:
Why suffer the humiliation for a thirteen day loan! That was my money!

Don Draper:
[long pause] I'm going to need your resignation.

Lane Pryce:
Uh, uh... just a moment - I'm sorry, and I am remorseful. I don't know how it came to this. But the company's in ship shape. And I will make good by Easter, even if I have to pull my son out of school...

Don Draper:
You embezzled funds and you forged my signature.

Lane Pryce:
I apologize deeply for involving you. I suppose I picked you because you've always been the most decent to me.

Don Draper:
I'm doing the most decent thing I can possibly do, Lane. I'm letting you resign.

Lane Pryce:
[agitated and emotional] I have never been compensated for my contributions to this company, including my role in its very existence! Who'd've dreamt of the word "Jaguar", hm? I took away nothing from PPL while you lined your pockets, and I have operated on loss for 3 years! [on the verge of tears] Please reconsider...

Don Draper:
I'm sorry... I can't trust you. I'll cover the money that you owe.

Lane Pryce:
[crying] Because $7,500 is nothing to you... Do you know how the rest of us live? And in the end, who's been harmed really, hm?

Don Draper:
Can you imagine if a client found out.

Lane Pryce:
I'll lose my visa... I can't go back to England, not like this. What would I tell my wife? What would I tell my son? [weeps into handkerchief]

Don Draper:
You'll tell him that it didn't work out, because it didn't. You'll tell them the next thing will be better, because it always is. Take the weekend - think of an elegant exit. Cooper doesn't know anything. [stands up]

Lane Pryce:
[gets up and shakes Don's hand] I feel a bit lightheaded.

Don Draper:
That's relief. I've started over a lot, Lane. This is the worst part.

Roger Sterling:
They make wine for Jews, and now they're making one they want to sell to normal people. You know what I mean - people like me.

Peggy Olson:
Am I the only one who can work and drink at the same time?

Michael Ginsberg:
I feel bad for you.

Don Draper:
I don't think about you at all.

Michael Ginsberg:
You know, I work for the agency, and uh, I don't know I wanna keep a secret from Don. You know Don: tall guy, short temper?

Peggy Olson:
Why didn't you tell me you had a family? Your father is nice.

Michael Ginsberg:
He's not my real father. People don't understand.

Peggy Olson:
Are you adopted?

Michael Ginsberg:
Actually, I'm from Mars. It's fine if you don't believe me, but that's where I'm from. I'm a full-blooded Martian. Don't worry, there's no plot to take over Earth. I'm just displaced.

Peggy Olson:
[laughing] Okay.

Michael Ginsberg:
I can tell you don't believe me. That's okay. We're a big secret. They even tried to hide it from me. That man, my "father", told me a story I was born in a concentration camp, but you know that's impossible. And I never met my mother because she supposedly died there. That's convenient. Next thing I know, Morris there finds me in a Swedish orphanage. I was five; I remember it.

Peggy Olson:
That's incredible.

Michael Ginsberg:
And then I got this one communication. A simple order. "Stay where you are."

Peggy Olson:
Are there others like you?

Michael Ginsberg:
I don't know. I haven't been able to find any.

Bertram Cooper:
A client left here unhappy yesterday because you have a little girl running everything.

Don Draper:
My department is fine. We just need more bodies, but Lane won't let us.

Bertram Cooper:
You've been on love leave. It's amazing things are going as well as they are with as little as you are doing.

Don Draper:
It's none of your business.

Bertram Cooper:
This *is* my business.

Roger Sterling:
I have an announcement to make. It's going to be a beautiful day.

Roger Sterling:
It's just so beautiful. How we were able to be there together in the truth, like you wanted.

Jane Sterling:
Are you leaving me?

Roger Sterling:
No. We're leaving each other just like you said.

Jane Sterling:
I didn't say that.

Roger Sterling:
You did. You said so many amazing things. You were speaking German.

Jane Sterling:
I don't know German.

Roger Sterling:
You were quoting your father.

Jane Sterling:
It must've been Yiddish.

[Peggy has just met Eugene at a party; they're making out in the hallway]

Eugene:
Hey Brooklyn, come home with me.

Peggy Olson:
Nuh-uh.

Eugene:
Why not? I live alone.

Peggy Olson:
Why should I?

Eugene:
[questioning] Because I like you, and we're having a good time, and I'm a good kisser and you know you want to.

Peggy Olson:
Eugene, I'm in the persuasion business, and frankly I'm disappointed by your presentation.

[Peggy pats Eugene condescendingly on the chest and walks away]

Don Draper:
I'm enjoying the story so far, but I have a feeling it's not going to end well.

Herman 'Duck' Phillips:
Anyway, he was quite clear about the fact that they're gonna want to make changes if they want the dust to settle fast.

Don Draper:
What does that mean?

Bertram Cooper:
It means they'll be looking for a new image and thus a new agency.

Don Draper:
What's it been - four, three hours since the plane went down? You'll have to forgive me for not looking at a bunch of bodies in Jamaica Bay and seeing the opportunity.

Herman 'Duck' Phillips:
Adding a few hours, or a day, a week doesn't make this any more of an opportunity.

Don Draper:
We already have an airline.

Roger Sterling:
We don't have American.

Don Draper:
Well, that's right. We have the one whose planes didn't just fall out of the sky.

Don Draper:
We *have* an airline. What kind of company are we going to be?

Roger Sterling:
The kind where everyone has a summer house?

Arthur Case:
You're so profoundly sad.

Betty Draper:
You're wrong. I'm grateful.

Joan Holloway:
People should not bring their personal problems into the office.

Peggy Olson:
I agree.

Joan Holloway:
Is it so hard to just leave everything at the door and just do your job?

Peggy Olson:
I look forward to it.

Joan Holloway:
They can't stand it. They'll drag you into the garbage out there. They just want you to be as miserable as they are. I say let them have it.

Jim Cutler:
I want to make it clear: Unless this works, I'm against it.

Roger Sterling:
I was just saying the same thing.

Peaches Rennet:
So there she was in the garage, right among the - you know, there's an oil stain that Herb's been meaning to take care of - there she is, our little puppy, with a full litter!

Marie Calvet:
[in French] My God, listen to this idiot. I need another drink.

Herb Rennet:
You never fail to overheat, do you? You know the somersaults I'm doing 'cause you're so touchy?

Don Draper:
Really? A man your size?

Pete Campbell:
Draper! What in the hell have y- [trips down stairs]

Don Draper:
What?

Don Draper:
[about deliberately losing Jaguar] Joan, don't worry. I will win this.

Joan Harris:
Just once I would like to hear you use the word 'we'. Because we're all rooting for you from the sidelines, hoping that you'll decide whatever you think is right for our lives.

Don Draper:
You are the product. You feeling something. That's what sells. Not them. Not sex. They can't do what we do and they hate us for it.

Peggy Olson:
Sex sells.

Don Draper:
Says who? Just so you know, the people who talk that way think that monkeys can do this. They take all this monkey crap and just stick it in a briefcase completely unaware that their success depends on something more than their shoeshine. YOU are the product. You- FEELING something. That's what sells. Not them. Not sex. They can't do what we do, and they hate us for it.

Don Draper:
Young campaigns don't necessarily come from young people.

Roger Sterling:
The clients like it. The clients like the thrill of young talent.

Don Draper:
So what am I supposed to do - dangle a Pepsi out the window and see if I can hook a stroller?

Don Draper:
[reading from 'Meditations in an Emergency' by Frank O'Hara] "Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again, and interesting and modern. The country is gray and brown and white and trees. Snows and skies of laughter are always diminishing. Less funny, not just darker. Not just gray. It may be the coldest day of the year. What does he think of that? I mean, what do I? And if I do, perhaps I am myself again."

Harry Crane:
I'm telling you, Draper knocked her up. She goes away for a couple of months, drops about 9 pounds, 8 ounces, comes back with a job.

Paul Kinsey:
Don's been screwing me for the last 3 years. I've got nothing.

Pete Campbell:
What's everybody laughing at?

Ken Cosgrove:
The great debate wages on about Peggy Olson's charmed career.

Pete Campbell:
Fat farm. I thought we had verification.

Don Draper:
You are the product. You feeling something. That's what sells. Not them. Not sex. They can't do what we do. And they hate us for it.

Joan Harris:
That's life. One minute you're on top of the world, the next minute some secretary's running you over with a lawn mower.

Roger Sterling:
Believe me, somewhere in this business this has happened before.

Don Draper:
We don't know who he is yet, and who he's going to be, that's a wonderful thing.

Pete Campbell:
[Pete and Don are in the elevator discussing the fact that two FBI men have initiated a background check on Don] If you're asking me if he knows how to keep a secret - he works for the Department of Defense.

Don Draper:
But he talks to you.

Pete Campbell:
It's going to be OK. I was thinking about this. And I know it'll be uncomfortable, but if we have to, we can ride it out.

Don Draper:
Are you crazy?

Pete Campbell:
This many years later? It must be past the statute of limitations.

Don Draper:
It's desertion. There's no statute of limitations.

Pete Campbell:
I thought nobody cared about these things.

Don Draper:
What am I supposed to do?

Pete Campbell:
I don't know. You've been doing it for years. I don't have to live with your sh*t over my head. [Don starts to leave the elevator and Pete grabs his arm] You know, I signed this account after you disappeared in California. It's three years, but I've grown it from cocktails to $4 million.

Don Draper:
Get rid of it.

Pete Campbell:
Why did you fill out the form?

Don Draper:
Megan did. And I signed it without looking because that's what I do.

Don Draper:
I was an orphan. I grew up in Pennsylvania in a whorehouse. I read about Milton Hershey and his school in Coronet magazine or some other crap the girls left by the toilet. And I read that some orphans had a different life there. I could picture it. I dreamt of it. Of being wanted. Because the woman who was forced to raise me would look at me every day like she hoped I would disappear. Closest I got to feeling wanted was from a girl who made me go through her john's pockets while they screwed. If I collected more than a dollar, she'd buy me a Hershey bar. And I would eat it alone in my room with great ceremony, feeling like a normal kid. It said "sweet" on the package. It was the only sweet thing in my life.

Roger Sterling:
[to Joannie] Look, I want to tell you something because you're very dear to me. And I hope you understand that it comes from the bottom of my damaged, damaged heart. You are the finest piece of ass I ever had and I don't care who knows it. I am so glad I got to roam those hillsides.

Peggy Olson:
Those people - in Manhattan - they are better than us. Because they want things they haven't seen.

Dr. Arnold Wayne:
If you'd like to expedite things, we can put her in psychoanalysis.

Don Draper:
What are you doing now?

Dr. Arnold Wayne:
Psychoanalytic psychotherapy. Psychoanalysis would mean a minimum of three sessions a week and optimally five.

Don Draper:
I can't decide... if you have everything... or nothing.

Midge Daniels:
I live in the moment. Nothing *is* everything.

Roger Sterling:
[walking into Don's office] I can never get used to the fact that most of the time it looks like you're doing nothing.

Midge Daniels:
[finding Don outside her apartment door] 11 a.m. Did you get fired?

Don Draper:
Brought Betty into the city to see the doctor, but honestly, I think I'm not feeling so great. I called in sick.

Midge Daniels:
Don't bring that here. I'm serious, Don, don't talk to me about her. That makes me feel cruel.

Paul Kinsey:
[Peggy knocks on the office door; Kinsey answers from inside] Bienvenue.

Peggy Olson:
[pause] No, it's Peggy...

Betty Draper:
Did you look at Sally's face? I think she has a bruise.

Don Draper:
I didn't see it.

Betty Draper:
On her cheekbone, under her eye.

Don Draper:
I thought that was ketchup?

Betty Draper:
What if she had gotten a scar? Something permanent?

Don Draper:
I don't wanna play "what if".

Betty Draper:
I'm just saying, if it had happened to Bobby it'd be ok because a boy with a scar is nothing, but a girl, it's so much worse.

Don Draper:
Nothing happened.

Betty Draper:
I keep thinking... not that I could have killed the kids, but... worse, Sally could have survived, and gone on living with this horrible scar on her face, and some long, lonely, miserable life...

Joan Holloway:
Look at you, all in a snit!

Peggy Olson:
Are you gonna watch me?

Joan Holloway:
What's wrong with you?

Peggy Olson:
Honestly, why is it that every time a man takes you out to lunch around here, you're... you're the dessert!

Joan Holloway:
That's terrible.

Peggy Olson:
It's constant from every corner. I'm from Bay Ridge. We have manners. Why can't they just leave it alone?

Joan Holloway:
[sarcastic] Because men always bother you all the time. They follow you down the street.

Peggy Olson:
Well, not exactly...

Joan Holloway:
Look, dear, I don't know you that well, but you're the new girl, and you're not much, so you might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

Peggy Olson:
Of course.

Joan Holloway:
Don't be that way! I'm just offering some perspective, that's all.

Peggy Olson:
[forces a smile] Thank you, Joan.

Peggy Olson:
[On the phone] Hello.

Don Draper:
It's me. Is Megan there?

Peggy Olson:
Isn't she with you?

Don Draper:
Yes, we're playing a hilarious joke on you.

Peggy Olson:
She left a while ago to meet you at the restaurant.

Don Draper:
When?

Peggy Olson:
I don't know, after you called.

Don Draper:
I didn't call.

Peggy Olson:
Oh. Well, she must be at home.

Don Draper:
I'm at home.

Peggy Olson:
Maybe she went to the restaurant and missed you and now she's on her way home - I don't know where she is. Do you know where Abe is?

Don Draper:
Goodbye Peggy.

Peggy Olson:
That takes a lot of guts.

Michael Ginsberg:
I'll tell you what takes guts: never having money for lunch. She owes me, like, $15 at this point. What am I gonna do - ask Don? Call her? I think it's clear why she left.

Peggy Olson:
That's not why.

Michael Ginsberg:
Well, why?

Stan Rizzo:
Come on, reality got her. You work your ass off for months, bite your nails - for what? Heinz Baked Beans.

Paul Kinsey:
[singing] Ethel, go get the icepick / That Nixon guy is on TV again.

Roger Sterling:
[to Joan] Are we actually gonna get in a fight over a movie? You know, Mona had a dream once where I hit the dog with the car. She was mad at me all day - and I never hit the dog. We don't even have a dog.

Pete Campbell:
[watching JFK political ad] The President is a product. Don't forget that.

Roger Sterling:
You know what my father used to say? Being with a client is like being in a marriage. Sometimes you get into it for the wrong reasons, and eventually, they hit you in the face.

Betty Draper:
I know people say life goes on, and it does but no one tells you that's not a good thing.

Don Draper:
In the interest of time, you want to demolish Penn Station and New York hates it.

Edgar Raffit:
Not all of New York - A vocal minority.

Don Draper:
Can they stop it?

Edgar Raffit:
Well, I think all the hubbub is making it unpleasant for...

Don Draper:
[interrupts] But they can't stop it, can they?

Edgar Raffit:
Why do you people insist on making us sound like villains?

Don Draper:
Your concern over public opinion shows a guilty conscience. What good is that serving you if what is to be done is already under way?

Edgar Raffit:
So let's say I don't have a guilty conscience.

Don Draper:
Good. And let's also say that change is neither good nor bad, it simply is. It can be greeted with terror or joy, a tantrum that says "I want it the way it was," or a dance that says, Look, something new!"

Edgar Raffit:
Would you draw the line at 50 percent?

Don Draper:
I'm not drawing a line at all. P.R. people understand this, but they can never execute it. If you don't like what is being said, then change the conversation.

Edgar Raffit:
What is that conversation?

Don Draper:
I was in California. Everything is new, and it's clean. The people are filled with hope. New York City is in decay. But Madison Square Garden is the beginning of a new city on a hill.

Peggy Olson:
I understand why you like this, but it's not for you. I'm the one who'd be buying Patio.

Harry Crane:
You're not fat any more.

Peggy Olson:
[pause] Thank you.

[Don's secretary is completely sunburned after a day at the beach]

Roger Sterling:
Has your wife seen that yet? Do me a favor. Let me be there when it happens.

Roger:
I want the Chinamen out of the building by lunchtime.

Don Draper:
[to Rachel Menkin] What is this? You can't convince me for a second that you were ever unloved. [he pulls her closer and they kiss]

Helen Bishop:
Quite a crowd in there.

Don Draper:
[watching children play house] It's the same crowd out here.

Harry Crane:
Draper? Who knows anything about that guy, no one's ever lifted that rock. He could be Batman for all we know.

Peggy Olson:
Nuclear war... We could be gone tomorrow.

Father John Gill:
Isn't that always the case?

Herman 'Duck' Phillips:
[upon receiving presidency] I find myself a little unprepared here, but I know this: I'd like to bring this company into financial maturity. The last two years, we've been held back. Good Creative is important but it can't be running the show. Our business is about buying time and space, and right now that means television. The bigger we are, the cheaper we can get it.

Bertram Cooper:
I don't think I heard the word "client" once.

Greg Harris:
No, no, no, no. Ettinger goes at the head of the table. He's the chief of surgery, it's where he always sits.

Joan Holloway:
Not in your home, Greg. Host at the head, hostess at the foot - or whichever is nearest to the kitchen - and then it's boy, girl, boy, girl.

Greg Harris:
Who says?

Joan Holloway:
Emily Post. Everyone.

Greg Harris:
Ronald Ettinger does not read Emily Post. He's going to expect to sit there and he's gonna expect me and Rick Stolich to be his footstools.

Joan Holloway:
Well, I won't have their wives think you have a wife who doesn't know how to set a table.

Greg Harris:
Joanie, I don't want to have a fight right now.

Joan Holloway:
Then stop talking.

[Followed by complete silence from Greg]

Roger Sterling:
Hank, tell them where you were this afternoon.

Henry Francis:
Roger...

Roger Sterling:
Oh, they're gonna read about it in the paper. He just came from Pocantico. Rockefeller married Happy.

Betty Draper:
[shocked] She just got divorced a month ago. She has four children.

Bertram Cooper:
You see? That's the first reaction. Divorce is political hari-kari.

Roger Sterling:
Now we'll be stuck with Goldwater.

Don Draper:
The primaries are still a long way off...

Jane Sterling:
[drunk] Why did Rocky marry her?

Henry Francis:
They're in love.

Jane Sterling:
[happily] Awww!

Paul Kinsey:
"This is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends - not with a bang, but a whimper."

Smitty:
We get it, you're educated.

Paul Kinsey:
"This is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends - not with a bang, but a whimper."

Smitty:
We got it, you're educated.

Gene Hofstadt:
You people, you think money is the answer to every problem.

Don Draper:
No, just this particular problem.

Joan Harris:
[Regarding Greg's military service] I've been thinking about it and... I want you to go.

Gail Holloway:
I'll put this away.

Greg Harris:
I'm glad you came around. It's only a year.

Joan Harris:
No, I want you to go and never come back.

Greg Harris:
Damn it, Joanie, they need me.

Joan Harris:
Well, then it works out because we don't.

Peggy Olson:
Hold on a second. You want me to work up an entire corporate image campaign for ten dollars?

Roger Sterling:
I can make you do it for nothing. I'm the boss.

Peggy Olson:
You're right. The work is ten dollars. The lie is extra.

Roger Sterling:
Incredible. What do you make a week, sweetheart?

Peggy Olson:
Hmm, you don't know, huh? That's helpful.

Roger Sterling:
You know, I could fire you.

Peggy Olson:
Great. There's some portfolios in Joan's office. Maybe you could find somebody tonight?

Roger Sterling:
[tormented] Why are you doing this to me?

Peggy Olson:
Because you're being very demanding for somebody who has no other choice. Dazzle me.

Roger Sterling:
Fine. How much you want?

Peggy Olson:
How much you got?

Roger Sterling:
[counts a wad of cash] Four-hundred dollars.

Peggy Olson:
Give me all of it.

Roger Sterling:
JEEsus!... This better be good.

Peggy Olson:
You want me to take your watch?

Joan Harris:
I'm glad the army makes you feel like a man, because I'm sick of trying to do it.

Roger Sterling:
I bet there were people in the Bible walking around complaining about kids today.

Don Draper:
Listen, Pete, I need you to go get a cardboard box. Put your things in it. Okay?

Don Draper:
Remember when I told you about Pete Campbell's last day? It's today.

Roger Sterling:
What'd he do?

Don Draper:
While we were busting our asses on the Bethelem Steel account he was at the Regis Hotel pitching copy. His copy!

Roger Sterling:
That little snot!

Don Draper:
[talking about Pete Campbell] He's essential to the process. We're probably luckier to have him than you are.

Trudy Campbell:
Oh I doubt that.

Don Draper:
Well, maybe you're right.

[Don Draper pours a drink]

Roger Sterling:
I bet daily friendship with that bottle attracts more people to advertising than any salary you could dream of.

Don Draper:
That's why I got in.

Roger Sterling:
So enjoy it.

Don Draper:
[drinks] I'm doing my best here.

Roger Sterling:
[scoffs] No, you're not. You don't know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation we drink because it's good. Because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar. Because we deserve it. We drink because it's what men do.

Bertram Cooper:
How much do you know about Pete's family?

Don Draper:
Nothing, except that they put out a mediocre product.

Pete Campbell:
Why is is so hard for you people to give me anything.

Andrew Campbell:
We gave you everything. We gave you your name. And what have you done with it?

Meredith:
How do you go to sleep at night with those Manson Brothers running around?

Harry Crane:
...Manson Family.

Lane Pryce:
London Fog. How ludicrous.

Don Draper:
Really. I have one.

Bertram Cooper:
So do I.

Lane Pryce:
No, of course. It's just the name. There is no fog in London. There is no London fog.

Bertram Cooper:
Are you sure about that?

Lane Pryce:
Quite. Never was. It was the coal dust from the industrial era. Charles Dickens and whatnot.

Crying Man in the Group Therapy:
I had a dream I was on a shelf in the refrigerator. Someone closes the door and the light goes off, and I know everybody's out there eating. And then they open the door and you see them smiling. And they're happy to see you, but maybe they don't look right at you, and maybe they don't pick you. And then the door closes again. The light goes off.

Peggy Olson:
Don, listen to me. What did you ever do that was so bad?

Don Draper:
I broke all my vows. I scandalized my child. I took another man's name and made nothing of it.

Don Draper:
[Over the phone, emotionally] Birdy...

Betty Francis:
[Holding back tears] I know.

Pete Campbell:
[Regarding a dud marketing trial using four supermarkets to sell a new ham] Two of their test markets are in Jewish neighborhoods. They're idiots.

Roger Sterling:
[as a reporter with a wooden leg is exiting] They're so cheap they can't even afford a whole reporter.

Bertram Cooper:
[to Don] Turning creative success into business is your work, and you have failed!

Bethany Van Nuys:
Don, I wanna lift a shadow off this evening. I know this is your first date.

Don Draper:
First that Roger was involved in.

Bethany Van Nuys:
Oh, of course, I'm sure. It's just... I'm breaking a lot of my rules, seeing a divorced man. But Jane has made you her personal cause.

Don Draper:
And there are so many real problems in the world.

Harry Crane:
[after the agency loses a client for which he has just sold a TV special] I wish we really had a second floor so I could jump off it.

Peggy Olson:
[Peggy enters Don's office with a ham] They sent one for each of us.

Don Draper:
Could have just as easily fired us.

Peggy Olson:
But they didn't because they sold more hams, and now you get to tell them why, if you want. I think they'll be impressed.

Don Draper:
Well, I'm not. I try and stay away from these kinds of shenanigans, but I guess you knew that or you would have told me.

Peggy Olson:
It was going great, until it wasn't.

Peggy Olson:
[to Don] You know something? We are all here because of you. All we wanna do is please you.

Pete Campbell:
You ever been hunting, Peggy?

Peggy Olson:
No, I don't think so.

Pete Campbell:
You either have or you haven't. I went a couple of times with my uncle. New Hampshire.

Peggy Olson:
I saw my cousin shoot a rabbit by Coney Island.

Pete Campbell:
It's an incredible sensation. You have to be very quiet. Take it down with the first shot or you scare it away. And sometimes you have to go up and finish it off. Then you tie it to the bumper, and you go home. But you know what I've always wanted to do? I would pick it up throw its back legs over my shoulder and I would drag it through the snow to this little cabin. And there I'd hang it up between a couple of trees, cut it open, drain it, dress it and then I'd take my big hunting knife and I'd cut this loin right out of the side. And I'd go into the cabin and there'd be this woman waiting for me, standing by one of those old stoves with a big black pipe and I'd hand it to her and she'd put it in a cast-iron skillet and then I'd sit at the table and she'd bring it to me. And I'd wipe my knife on my knee and then I would eat it while she watches.

Peggy Olson:
That would be wonderful.

Roger Sterling:
I like red heads. Their mouths are like a drop of strawberry jam in a glass of milk.

Connie:
I don't know what I'm more disturbed by: The fact that you don't have a Bible, or that there's not a single family photo.

Don Draper:
I'm easily distracted.

Connie:
You should have those things. They'll make you feel better about what you do. Start showing up on time.

Don Draper:
Maybe I'm late because I was spending time with my family reading the Bible.

Peggy Olson:
What do you want from me?

Herman 'Duck' Phillips:
I wanna take you in that bedroom, lock the door, take your clothes off with my teeth, throw you on the bed and give you a go-around like you've never had.

Cynthia:
[on Betty's Victorian fainting couch] What were you thinking? It's awful!

Betty Draper:
It's an antique.

Cynthia:
We discussed this for months and we decided antiques were expected. Look around! You have ruined the whole room. If you want to keep it, please do not tell people I did this.

Peggy Olson:
"Elegance and success. Duck." I wonder who wrote that for him.

Pete Campbell:
I don't trust him.

Peggy Olson:
Why? Because he wants us? We're very important here.

Pete Campbell:
Who is? Did he put you on Hilton?

Peggy Olson:
I don't know what you're talking about. Stop barging in here and affecting me with your anxiety.

Archie Whitman:
The hillbilly knocks on the door of his new neighbor's house. "Howdy neighbor," he says. "In honor of you moving into the holler, I am going to throw a party. There's going to be a whole lot of of drinking, a whole lot of dancing, and a whole lot of screwing."

Archie Whitman:
"Sounds like fun!" the neighbor says, "What can I bring?"

Archie Whitman:
Hillbilly replies, "You can bring anything you want, just going to be you and me."

Roger Sterling:
I watched the sunrise this morning - couldn't sleep.

Don Draper:
How was it?

Roger Sterling:
Average.

Roger Sterling:
Are you afraid you're going to have a boss? You will - the client.

Don Draper:
It's not that.

Roger Sterling:
What is the problem? You think you're more dangerous without a contract? You are, and it's affecting our business. You're our David Ogilvy, and if you let all the blokes at Putnim, Powell & Lowe relax for three years, maybe we can put your name out front. After mine... and Cooper, probably.

Peggy Olson:
I know what men think of you: That you're looking for a husband, and you're fun. And not in that order.

Joan Holloway:
Peggy, this isn't China. There's no money in virginity.

Joan Holloway:
Good morning; Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, how may I help you?

Lane Pryce:
Mr. Hooker! I've been sacked. Please have my office and things put in storage at this address.

John Hooker:
What's happened?

Lane Pryce:
You're a sharp boy, you'll figure it out.

Don Draper:
Do we vote or something?

[Roger, Bert, and Don successively raise their hands]

Lane Pryce:
Well, gentlemen, I suppose you're fired.

Roger Sterling:
Well, it's official. Friday, December 13th, 1963. Four guys shot their own legs off.

Connie:
You know, I got everything I have on my own. It's made me immune to those who complain and cry because they can't. I didn't take you for one of them, Don. Are you?

Roger Sterling:
Get me some coffee, will you?

Peggy Olson:
No.

Lane Pryce:
Nothing good ever came from seeking revenge.

Bertram Cooper:
Nonsense! We'll make you a partner.

Bertram Cooper:
[to Roger] You sold your birthright so you could marry that trollop!

Lane Pryce:
Saint John, how are you?

Saint John Powell:
What in God's name is going on over there?

Lane Pryce:
I think at this point it should be very clear.

Saint John Powell:
[furious] You're fired. You're fired for costing this company millions of pounds. You're fired for insubordination. [shouts] You're fired for lack of character!

Lane Pryce:
[cheerfully] Very good. Happy Christmas!

Roger Sterling:
Little sh*t.

Roger Sterling:
I don't know about you two, but I had Lane.

Joan Holloway:
One day you'll lose someone who's important to you. You'll see. It's very painful.

Don Draper:
It's your life. You don't know how long it's gonna last, but you know it doesn't end well. You've gotta move forward... as soon as you can figure out what that means.

Peggy Olson:
You just don't imagine her ever being alone. She was so famous.

Hollis:
Some people just hide in plain sight.

Roger Sterling:
[on grieving for celebrities] Roosevelt - I hated him but I felt like I knew him.

Don Draper:
Goodnight, Freddy.

Fred Rumsen:
Goodbye, Don.

Roger:
Have we hired any Jews?

Don Draper:
Not on my watch!

Don Draper:
We should get married.

Midge:
You think I'd make a good ex-wife?

Don Draper:
People were buying cigarettes before Freud was born.

Pete Campbell:
A man like you I'd follow into combat blindfolded, and I wouldn't be the first. Am I right, buddy?

Don Draper:
Let's take it a little slower. I don't want to wake up pregnant.

Joan:
Dr. Emerson's a dream, isn't he?

Peggy:
He seemed nice.

Joan:
He has a place in South Hampton. I'm not saying that I've seen it, but it's beautiful.

Rachel:
[to Don] You were expecting me to be a man. My father was, too.

Don Draper:
The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one.

Don Draper:
I'm not going to let a woman talk to me like that!

Don Draper:
This is the greatest advertisting opportunity since the invention of cereal. We have six identical companies making six identical products. We can say anything we want. How do you make your cigarettes?

Lee Garner, Jr.:
I don't know.

Lee Garner, Sr.:
Shame on you. We breed insect repellant tobacco seeds, plant them in the North Carolina sunshine, grow it, cut it, cure it, toast it...

Don Draper:
There you go. There you go. [Writes on chalkboard and underlines: "IT'S TOASTED."]

Lee Garner, Jr.:
But everybody's else's tobacco is toasted.

Don Draper:
No. Everybody else's tobacco is poisonous. Lucky Strikes'... is toasted.

Roger:
Well, gentlemen, I don't think I have to tell you what you just witnessed here.

Lee Garner, Jr.:
I think you do.

Don Draper:
Advertising is based on one thing: happiness. And do you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of a road that screams with reassurance that whatever you're doing is OK. You are OK.

Lee Garner, Sr.:
It's toasted. [Smiles] I get it.

Midge Daniels:
[to Don after sex] You know the rules, I don't make plans and I don't make breakfast.

Don Draper:
All I have is a crush-proof box, and four out of five dead people smoked your brand.

Salvatore Romano:
[replying to Dr. Guttman's statement about smoking and a death wish] So we're supposed to believe that people are living one way and secretly thinking the exact opposite? That's ridiculous.

Don Draper:
If Greta's research was any good I would have used it.

Pete Campbell:
What are you talking about?

Don Draper:
I'm saying I had a report just like that. And it's not like there's some magic machine that makes identical copies of things.

Title Card:
MAD MEN. A term coined in the late 1950's to describe the advertising executives of Madison Avenue. The coined it.

Dr. Greta Guttman:
Before the war, when I studied with Edler in Vienna, we postulated that what Freud called the "death wish" is as powerful in life as those for sexual reproduction, and physical sustenance.

Don Draper:
Freud, you say. What agency is he with?

Joan:
Go home, take a paper bag, and cut some eye holes out of it. Put it over your head, get undressed, and look at yourself in the mirror. Really evaluate where your strengths and weaknesses are. And be honest.

Don Draper:
Let me ask you something, what do women want?

Roger:
Who cares?

Roger:
[to Don] You don't know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation, we drink because it's good, because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar, because we deserve it. We drink because it's what men do.

Don Draper:
What else?

Smitty Smith:
There are sixteen graphically perfect reduced photographs of Hilton hotels all on a grid, simple headline.

Kurt Smith:
Go, we'll meet you anywhere.

Don Draper:
Now that I can finally understand you, I am less impressed with what you have to say.

Smitty Smith:
[laughs]

Don Draper:
That's your work too. Who's "we"?

Kurt Smith:
"We" are Hilton.

Don Draper:
And how do I know that? Take out a magnifying glass and look at one of those tiny hotels?

Kurt Smith:
I write Hilton very big under this Greek.

Don Draper:
There is no deadline. I want to see work as you think of it. Give me more ideas to reject.

Don Draper:
Your plate is full and frankly Mohawk is going to insist on a regular copy writer.

Roger Sterling:
Someone with a penis.

Peggy Olson:
I'll work on that...

Karen Ericson:
Everyone on the first floor loved your humourous ad. You seem like someone I could really be friends with, not like the last girl.

Peggy Olson:
[awkwardly] Well, I'm fun! And I love to have... fun.

Karen Ericson:
She was always keeping her door shut, and I think you should only close your door for one reason.

Peggy Olson:
What's that? [Karen smiles and raises her eyebrows] Oh!

Karen Ericson:
I just don't get along with women like I do men, but she left to get married, so I must be some kind of good-luck charm. Do you have a steady?

Peggy Olson:
No, I- I'm still playing the field.

Karen Ericson:
There are so many interesting men out there. Except sailors. I have a couple of rules. One of them is I don't like sailors.

Peggy Olson:
[confused] No sailors, I agree.

Karen Ericson:
So Peggy Olson, I have to ask: are you Swedish? Because I am.

Peggy Olson:
[apologetically] Norwegian.

Karen Ericson:
Well, we won't tell my parents. I'll make appointments and come by at five. Or do you want your girl to do it?

Peggy Olson:
I finish up around six.

Karen Ericson:
Well, then tomorrow?

Peggy Olson:
Most days. Can we look on Saturday? Oh, but not this Saturday, I...

Karen Ericson:
You work on Saturday?

Peggy Olson:
Not every Saturday. And Saturday nights, never. I'm out in the city... ready for fun...

Ken Cosgrove:
Don, George Caan dropped out of Patio to direct a picture in L.A.

Don Draper:
I look forward to his average work. Replace him.

Don Draper:
I'd have my secretary do it, but she's dead.

Roger Sterling:
She died the way she lived: surrounded by the people she answered phones for.

Bertram Cooper:
[doing a crossword puzzle] A three-letter word for a flightless bird.

Miss Blankenship:
Emu.

Bertram Cooper:
Nope, it starts with an L.

Miss Blankenship:
The hell it does.

Harry Crane:
[when he realizes an afghan from his office is being used to cover Miss Blankenship's corpse] My mother made that!

Roger Sterling:
[regarding the recently-deceased Miss Blankenship] What's her occupation? Secretary?

Joan Harris:
Executive secretary.

Bertram Cooper:
She was born in 1898 in a barn, she died on the 37th floor of a skyscraper; she's an astronaut.

Joan Harris:
These need signatures, not initials. Caroline said you refused?

Roger Sterling:
It's just so much more work.

Roger Sterling:
Damn it, I don't want to die in this office. I almost have twice.

Joan Harris:
Stop it.

Roger Sterling:
If it looks like I'm going, open a window. I'd rather flatten the top of a cab.

Sally Draper:
I made french toast.

Don Draper:
You know I don't like you using the stove.

Sally Draper:
Oh daddy, I do it all the time. And there's no shells in it.

Don Draper:
Where did you learn to do this?

Sally Draper:
Carla taught me.

Don Draper:
[takes a bite] What's on this?

Sally Draper:
Mrs. Butterworth's.

Don Draper:
Go get it. [Sally brings the bottle]

Don Draper:
That's rum. Read labels.

Sally Draper:
Is it bad?

Don Draper:
[considers] Not really.

Arthur Case:
You're so profoundly sad.

Betty Draper:
No. It's just my people are Nordic.

Don Draper:
You don't cover for me, you manage expectations.

Bobbie Barrett:
Okay, if that's what you want.

Don Draper:
What do you want?

Bobbie Barrett:
So. It's that kind of phone call, is it? Where are you?

Don Draper:
In my home. With my children.

Bobbie Barrett:
Really? I like being bad and then going home and being good. I'll see you Monday. Have a wonderful weekend.

Don Draper:
The window for this apology is closing. It needs to happen before the appetizers or they will leave.

Bobbie Barrett:
Really? Because I was thinking about that. So I took a look at Jimmy's contract, well me and a lawyer, and I realized Jimmy doesn't have to apologize at all. In fact, they're going to have to pay him even if they fire him. Especially because "her feelings" isn't a very good reason.

Don Draper:
So what is this all about?

Bobbie Barrett:
I think an apology, and a public one like this one, has to be worth $25,000. And I want it in the paper. Say it's a bonus.

Don Draper:
[pulls Bobbie back by her hair, pushes up against her and puts his hand up her skirt] Believe me, I will ruin him. Do what I say.

Don Draper:
Why is sex a definition of being close to someone?

Betty Francis:
[about Megan] That poor girl. She doesn't know that loving you is the worst way to get to you.

Don Draper:
[Lying in bed after sleeping together] Do you feel guilty?

Betty Francis:
No. This happened a long time ago.

Don Draper:
What are you thinking right now?

Betty Francis:
I'm thinking about how different you are, before and after. I love the way you look at me when you're like this. But then I watch it decay. I can only hold your attention so long.

[a couple of Japanese businessmen have just been introduced to the physically well-endowed Joan]

Hachi Saito:
[in Japanese] How does she not fall over?

Joan Harris:
Not very subtle, are they?

Akira Takahashi:
No, they are not.

Miss Blankenship:
You said not to buzz you all the time, but I don't know how else to do this - you have a phone call.

Don Draper:
You can buzz me for a phone call. Things like coffee after I've said no, you don't have to ask again.

Miss Blankenship:
You're always asleep in here.

Don Draper:
[Reading aloud from a piece of paper] "The man is shamed by being openly ridiculed and rejected; it requires an audience."

Pete Campbell:
What is that, fortune cookie?

Don Draper:
It's from that book you were all supposed to read.

Pete Campbell:
Oh.

Don Draper:
Chaough said he's in my rear-view mirror. Well, guess what? I'm gonna make a left turn - right off a cliff.

Bobby Draper:
You look like a Mongoloid!

Pete Campbell:
Now, if you don't mind, I have to get some gifts wrapped and get these chrysanthemums out of the building. Apparently, they symbolize death.

Betty Francis:
She was masturbating, Don. In front of a friend.

Joey Baird:
Have you seen these?

Joey Baird:
I'm trying to figure out what makes it work.

Don Draper:
I'm still wondering makes you work.

Betty Draper:
My goodness, Sally Draper. Try not to take things so personally!

Bertram Cooper:
I wouldn't have told Roger if I'd planned on it remaining a secret.

Rebecca Pryce:
You like it here! The smells and the noise and the criminals at every level.

Lane Pryce:
I have made the best of this. My salary is good. The company is flourishing. My wife has a beautiful gown. May I see it?

Rebecca Pryce:
[shakes her head] It's not London. It's not even England.

Lane Pryce:
That's true. I've been here ten months and no-one's ever asked me where I went to school.

Sally Draper:
The car's downstairs!

Bobby Draper:
[giggling] The driver is Chinese!

Bobby Draper:
Are we Negroes?

Stan Rizzo:
You got a great ass.

Peggy Olson:
Thank you.

Michael Ginsberg:
What I don't understand is, is it "Dad, I want this car" or "Son, I bought you this car"?

John Mathis:
In what family is it "Son, I bought you this car"?

Pete Campbell:
Good night, all!

Michael Ginsberg:
That guy's family.

Don Draper:
[reading from Dante's Inferno] I went astray from the straight road and woke to find myself alone, in a dark wood.

Roger Sterling:
I'm just acknowledging that life, unlike this analysis, will eventually end and somebody else will get the bill.

Peggy Olson:
Don't do anything stupid.

Abe Drexler:
It's too late. I'm going to Harlem in a tuxedo.

Randall Walsh:
[about his experience with Martin Luther King's ghost] You'd rather not think about it, but there is a tear, and in that tear are all the tears in the world. All the animals, crying.

Don Draper:
You're right, I don't want to think about it.

Roger Sterling:
What Don's saying is despite what we believe to be good intentions, you're allowing the emotions of the day... or whatever else you got in your system, to influence your judgement.

Randall Walsh:
Are you forgetting what Tecumseh said? Heya hoo, hoo, huya. Heeya, ho, ho...

Roger Sterling:
I had forgotten that.

Hollis:
Every job has its ups and downs.

Anna:
[flashback] Are you Donald Draper?

Don Draper:
Yes, I am. If it's about my circular, many of the models are gone. But, uh, I'm sure we could find you something.

Anna:
Oh, I'm not here to buy a car. You're a hard man to find.

Don Draper:
Excuse me?

Anna:
You're not Don Draper.

Bertram Cooper:
Philanthropy is the gateway to power.

Jimmy Barrett:
Look at us. Over here at the kids' table.

Betty Draper:
What do you mean?

Jimmy Barrett:
Them. Your husband. I been standing behind guys like that my whole life. I was lucky I was funny. If I wasn't funny, I'd never have gotten to meet you.

Betty Draper:
That's not true.

Jimmy Barrett:
It is. It's hard to believe there's anything better than you. Hard to believe he could do any better than you.

Betty Draper:
Please stop.

Jimmy Barrett:
What do you think happened between the two of them?

Betty Draper:
Excuse me?

Jimmy Barrett:
Oh, come on. Look at them.

Betty Draper:
I don't like what you're saying.

Jimmy Barrett:
All I know is, I know her, and you know him, and there they are, and they don't care where we are.

Betty Draper:
Stop it.

Jimmy Barrett:
Hold on.

Betty Draper:
Let me go!

Jimmy Barrett:
I don't like it any more than you do.

Betty Draper:
You people are ugly and crude.

Jimmy Barrett:
What people? You mean comedians?

Jimmy Barrett:
You know what I like about you? Nothing! But it's okay. You got me everything I wanted. What did you get? Bobbie? Lots of people have had that.

Don Draper:
Excuse me?

Jimmy Barrett:
Please. I laugh at you. I go home at night and I laugh at you.

Don Draper:
I don't know what you think happened.

Jimmy Barrett:
You. You wanna step out, fine. Go to a whore. You don't screw another man's wife. You're garbage. And you know it.

Jimmy Barrett:
What do you think happened between the two of them?

Betty Draper:
Excuse me?

Jimmy Barrett:
Oh, come on. Look at them.

Betty Draper:
I don't like what you're saying.

Jimmy Barrett:
All I know is I know her, and you know him, and there they are, and they don't care where we are.

Betty Draper:
Stop it!

Jimmy Barrett:
Hold on.

Betty Draper:
Let me go.

Jimmy Barrett:
I don't like it any more than you do.

Betty Draper:
You people are ugly and crude.

Jimmy Barrett:
You know what I like about you? Nothing. But it's okay. You got me everything I wanted. What did you get? Bobbie? Lots of people have had that.

Don Draper:
Excuse me?

Jimmy Barrett:
Please. I laugh at you. I go home at night, and I laugh at you.

Don Draper:
I don't know what you think happened.

Jimmy Barrett:
You. You want to step out, fine. Go to a whore. You don't screw another man's wife. You're garbage. And you know it.

Joan Harris:
Sandra, everyone makes mistakes, but the fact that you're the kind of person who cannot accept blame is egregious.

Sandy Schmidt:
I don't know what that means.

Joan Harris:
It means I can't believe I hired you.

Stephanie:
Nobody knows what's wrong with themselves, and everyone else can see it right away.

Peggy Olson:
What are you doing here?

Don Draper:
The bars are closed.

Researcher:
[Annabelle Mathis and the Sterling Cooper creatives are watching a focus group of three dog owners and a researcher through the two-way mirror] How would you describe your dog's temperament?

Griffon Woman:
[through mirror] She's picky and, ah, she's nervous sometimes, but she's very smart.

Researcher:
[through mirror] And yours?

Mutt Man:
[through mirror] He's independent, you know? He knows what he likes. He's pretty hard to fool.

Smitty:
My God, they're describing themselves.

Don Draper:
This your first group?

Researcher:
[through mirror] What if I told you your dogs were enjoying Caldecott Farms?

Griffon Woman:
[through mirror] What's it called?

Bulldog Man:
[through mirror] I wouldn't like it. Bingo, stop!

Mutt Man:
[through mirror] I've never heard of it.

Bulldog Man:
[through mirror] Well, you should. They make it out of ponies.

Griffon Woman:
[through mirror] Goodness gracious, that's this one?

Mutt Man:
[through mirror] This is the first I'm hearing of this. I wish you would've told me. When people are protesting, I'm onboard.

Researcher:
[through mirror] Well, what brand does your dog prefer?

Bulldog Man:
[through mirror] Why would you do this to us?

Griffon Woman:
[through mirror] It's inhumane!

Bulldog Man:
[through mirror] Bingo looks sick.

Annabelle Mathis:
[quietly] Turn it off.

Researcher:
[through mirror] Would you prefer beef, or...

Don Draper:
Somebody get that?

Peggy Olson:
I can't turn it off, it's actually happening!

Don Draper:
[irritably] Turn off the *sound*.

Betty Draper:
What would you do if you were me? Would you love you?

Don Draper:
I was surprised that you ever loved me.

Don Draper:
I can explain.

Betty Draper:
Oh, I know you can. You're a very, *very* gifted storyteller.

Annabelle Mathis:
Well I'll tell you what I'm telling the avenue: Best idea gets my business.

Roger Sterling:
How long do we have?

Annabelle Mathis:
I'm in town until Friday, but only the big firms are rushing.

Roger Sterling:
Well I'm not going to sit here and brag about how big I am.

Marge:
What are you doing? Don't ever put your name on a list. They keep track of everything we do here! Have you never heard of Joseph McCarthy?

Lois Saddler:
It's the bowling team.

Don Draper:
I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie, there is no system, the universe is indifferent.

Don Draper:
Listen, I'm not here to tell you about Jesus. You already know about Jesus. He either lives in your heart or he doesn't. Every woman wants choices, but in the end, none wants to be one of a hundred in a box. She's unique. She makes the choices and she's chosen him. She wants to tell the world he's MINE. He belongs to ME, not you. She marks her man with her lips. He's her possession. You've given the gift of total ownership.

Trudy Campbell:
We're not related by blood and you love me.

Don Draper:
[has woken up in bed with Joy who is reading a book by Faulkner] Is it good ?

Joy:
Sex is good. This book is just okay.

Pete Campbell:
[Woman jumps in pool] [turns to Don] Come on.

Don Draper:
You want to be on vacation, Pete? 'Cause I can make that happen.

Don Draper:
I want my job back.

Fred Rumsen:
How the hell do you think that's going to happen when you're at the bottom of a bottle? You know you never have to have another drink again.

Don Draper:
I don't want to hear that right now.

Fred Rumsen:
You're hungover. It's the best time to hear it.

Fred Rumsen:
[short pause] I mean, are you just going to kill yourself? Give them what they want? Or go in your bedroom, get in uniform, fix your bayonet, and hit the parade?

Fred Rumsen:
[short pause] Do the work Don.

Ken Cosgrove:
Has anyone heard from Don?

Joan Holloway:
Yes. He called. He wants you to get back to work.

Ken Cosgrove:
Who wants a Popsicle when it's snowing ?

Salvatore Romano:
Don't they sell enough during the summer ?

Peggy Olson:
Obviously not.

Ken Cosgrove:
Why do moms give treats ? There's no good reason.

Salvatore Romano:
My mom would come out to the truck with us. She'd break the Popsicles in half, then give it to us like Jesus at the Last Supper.

Ken Cosgrove:
Sounds cheap.

Peggy Olson:
No. My mother did it too. It was great.

Ken Cosgrove:
In Vermont we made our own ice cream. It was a pain in the ass.

Peggy Olson:
Everyone breaks Popsicles in half.

Ken Cosgrove:
So ?

Peggy Olson:
You can do it all year 'round. It's a ritual. It's like Communion.

Ken Cosgrove:
It's kind of Catholic, isn't it ? [Sal gives Ken a look]

Peggy Olson:
It's Christian - as in behavior, not religion. Let me tell you something. The Catholic Church knows how to sell things.

Peggy Olson:
When I was little, my mom would take a twin pop and break it in half and give one to me and one to my sister. We were completely equal in her eyes. Beloved. Everyone does this with Popsicles, but they may not realize what it means. It has nothing to do with an ice cream truck on a hot summer day. Or the flavor. Or the color. It's a ritual. You take it, break it, share it, and love it.

Roger Sterling:
[exits his office to find Peggy waiting outside] What do you want ?

Peggy Olson:
I need to speak with you.

Roger Sterling:
Honey, I have a 6:30 dinner reservation and unless you want to pull me there in a rickshaw, I have to get going.

Peggy Olson:
Well, I'm a copywriter.

Roger Sterling:
Why, did I call you something else ?

Peggy Olson:
I don't know if you're aware, but I brought in the Popsicle account today. On my own.

Roger Sterling:
[to his secretary] Hey, Ginger, did you hear about this ? [to Peggy] I gotta go.

Peggy Olson:
Wait. I need my own office. It's hard to do business and be credible when I'm sharing with a Xerox machine. Freddie Rumsen's office has been vacant for some time. I think I should have it.

Roger Sterling:
[smiles] It's yours.

Peggy Olson:
Really ?

Roger Sterling:
You young women are very aggressive.

Peggy Olson:
Oh, I didn't mean to be impolite.

Roger Sterling:
No, it's cute. There are 30 men out there who didn't have the balls to ask me.

Peggy Olson:
[to moving man] There's a banker's box in the corner.

Paul Kinsey:
What the hell is this ?

Peggy Olson:
My new office.

Harry Crane:
What ?

Paul Kinsey:
Why don't you just put on Draper's pants while you're at it ?

Harry Crane:
You have your own office ? You ? I'm the head of television and I spend the day staring at an orangutan.

Pete Campbell:
[incredulous that Peggy got her own office] How the hell did you swing this ?

Peggy Olson:
I'm sleeping with Don. It's really working out.

Joan Holloway:
Aren't you darling? You're going to be gangbusters.

Joan Holloway:
Are you being a concerned daddy?

Bobbie Barrett:
This is America. Pick a job and then become the person that does it.

Don Draper:
This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.

Roger Sterling:
So, Joanie. I hear congratulations are in order.

Joan Holloway:
Yes.

Roger Sterling:
Marriage. Don't know why you'd want to join that club, baby.

Joan Holloway:
Hasn't stopped you from having a good time.

Michael Ginsberg:
I know I'm not a manager but it's very hard to get things done with you in another room.

Don Draper:
Well, I obviously have the opposite feeling.

Michael Ginsberg:
Permission to speak freely?

Don Draper:
What?

Michael Ginsberg:
I know you forbid us from thinking of the mistress but I kept imagining the a**hole who's gonna want this car, and how he's probably already got a lot of beautiful things...

Don Draper:
Or maybe he thinks the car will help him get them.

Michael Ginsberg:
So I can go on?... And one way or another, what he has isn't enough, so no matter what, the first idea has gotta be, "Finally!", like you're getting what you wanted. The copy is still describing the car as another woman, but a woman you can't have, because they have all the qualities of a Jaguar. Good looking, expensive, fast, and frankly, not practical.

Don Draper:
I've always been fine with all that. But what's the line?

Michael Ginsberg:
Jaguar... at last, something beautiful you can truly own.

[Don looks down for a moment, then laughs with Ginsberg in mutual reprieve]

Pete Campbell:
[about pitching to Jaguar] I've seen the campaign and it's something I couldn't have imagined, yet exactly what I expected.

Don Draper:
Thank you.

Pete Campbell:
And I want you to present in the fullest confidence.

Don Draper:
I think it's a winner.

Pete Campbell:
Well, all I wanted to say was we've removed all other impediments. But you do know no matter what else goes on, it's the creative that's going to win this. [smirks]

Don Draper:
Close the door.

Pete Campbell:
It was four to zero. You abstained in absentia. The conversation doesn't end just because you leave the room.

Don Draper:
What did you promise her?

Pete Campbell:
A five percent stake as a voting partner.

Don Draper:
Dawn, can you buzz Mrs. Harris?

Pete Campbell:
She's not here.

Don Draper:
Actually, Dawn, can you get my things? [packs up his belongings]

Pete Campbell:
Yes, you should be well rested.

Don Draper:
[to Campbell's face] I don't want it like this.

Pete Campbell:
It was her idea.

Pete Campbell:
I feel like I shouldn't even bring this up. In fact, I don't know how to bring this up, but we're going to lose Jaguar unless an arrangement is made and it involves you and, well... Herb.

Joan Harris:
How did that come up?

Pete Campbell:
He said he was crazy about you and then he just asked. And then I thought we were past it but, right before we put him in a cab, he said it again. And it was quite conditional: a night with you or no vote.

Joan Harris:
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Pete Campbell:
Anyway, if you can think of some way to break the news to the company that we're out of this, I'd really appreciate it.

Joan Harris:
You're unbelievable. I'm married. How would you feel if someone asked Trudy?

Pete Campbell:
I didn't bring this up, he did. If you're not interested in the idea at all, I appreciate... It's just, it seems to me that there's something that could be worth the sacrifice. We're talking about a night in your life. We've all had nights in our lives where we've made mistakes for free.

Joan Harris:
You're talking about prostitution.

Pete Campbell:
I'm talking about business at a very high level. Do you consider Cleopatra a prostitute?

Joan Harris:
Where do you get this stuff?

Pete Campbell:
She was a queen. What would it take to make you a queen?

Don Draper:
We most get tired of hearing what a beautiful thing this car is. But I've met a lot of beautiful women in my life and despite their protestations, they never tire of hearing it. But when deep beauty is encountered, it arouses deep emotions because it creates a desire, as it is, by nature, unattainable. We're taught to think that function is all that matters, but we have a natural longing for this other thing. When I was driving the E-type, I passed a ten year old boy in the back window of a station wagon and I watched his eyes follow. He had just seen something he would want for the rest of his life. He'd just seen that unattainable object speed by just out of reach, because they do that, don't they? Beautiful things. Then I thought about a man of some means reading Playboy or Esquire, flipping past the flesh to the shiny, painted curves of this car. There's no effort to stop his eye. The difference is, he can have a Jaguar. Oh, this car... this thing, gentlemen... What price would we pay? What behavior would we forgive? If they weren't pretty, if they weren't temperamental, if they weren't beyond our reach, a little out of control, would we love them like we do? Jaguar. At last, something beautiful you can truly own.

Beth Dawes:
What's wrong with your friend?

Pete Campbell:
He got involved with another man's wife.

Beth Dawes:
And that put him in the hospital?

Pete Campbell:
From the... complications.

Beth Dawes:
Why did he do it?

Pete Campbell:
Well, all the rave of reasons, I guess. He needed to let off some steam, he needed adventure, he needed to feel handsome again. He needed to feel that he knew something, that all this aging was worth something because he knew things young people didn't know yet. He probably thought it would be like having a few tall drinks and feeling very very good and then he would go back to his life and say, "that was nice".

Beth Dawes:
But then he got sick?

Pete Campbell:
When it went away, he was heartbroken, and then he realized everything he already had was not right either, and that was why it had happened at all. And that his life with his family was some temporary bandage on a permanent wound.

Marie Calvet:
Not every little girl gets to do what they want. The world could not support that many ballerinas.

Blonde:
Are you alone?

Marie Calvet:
Not one thing you said was true. No dinner, no chaperone, no conversation.

Roger Sterling:
Stop being so demure, you are already on the bed.

Don Draper:
[Holding up an empty bottle] Why is this empty?

Allison:
Because you drink it all.

Peggy Olson:
Did you know Malcolm X was shot last Sunday?

Joey Baird:
Yes, Peggy.

Peggy Olson:
Well, did you know who he was?

Joey Baird:
Do you ever read the stuff between the ads?

Elderly Man, Apartment Neighbor:
Did you get pears?

Elderly Woman, Apartment Neighbor:
We'll discuss it inside.

Fred Rumsen:
How did this get so sad so fast?

Pete Campbell:
I hate even the word "family". It's vague. "Mom" is more specific.

Miss Blankenship:
[regarding the upcoming Cassius Clay/Sonny Liston boxing match] If I wanted to see two Negroes fight, I'd throw a dollar bill out my window.

Don Draper:
Peggy, I'm glad that this is an environment where you feel free to fail.

Peggy Olson:
I thought we were doing this at 9. It's 11:15.

Don Draper:
I'm late, but you're not. Good work so far.

Don Draper:
I wouldn't be good company anyway.

Roger Sterling:
That's never bothered me before.

Peggy Olson:
[Presenting an idea to Don] We thought that Samsonite is this very rare element, this mythical substance, the hardest on earth, and we see an adventurer leaping through a cave.

Don Draper:
Is this a substance much like bullshit?

Don Draper:
I gave you more responsibility and you didn't do anything.

Peggy Olson:
That you like. We did work, a lot.

Don Draper:
I don't care if you work ten seconds if you bring me something I like. We're gonna do this right now. [Peggy sighs] Oh, I know you have plans. You were gonna call me from a bar with an idea? You think elves do this?

Peggy Olson:
[Looking at a painting in the diner] Why is there a dog in the Parthenon?

Don Draper:
That is a roach. Let's go someplace darker.

Don Draper:
That's how this works. I pay you for ideas.

Peggy Olson:
You never say 'thank you'.

Don Draper:
That's what the money is for!

Peggy Olson:
You never say thank you!

Don Draper:
That's what the money is for!

Don Draper:
People tell you who they are, but we ignore it - because we want them to be who we want them to be.

Don Draper:
You want some respect? Go out there and get it for yourself.

Don Draper:
When a man walks into a room, he brings his whole life with him. He has a million reasons for being anywhere, just ask him. If you listen, he'll tell you how he got there. How he forgot where he was going, and that he woke up. If you listen, he'll tell you about the time he thought he was an angel or dreamt of being perfect. And then he'll smile with wisdom, content that he realized the world isn't perfect. We're flawed, because we want so much more. We're ruined, because we get these things, and wish for what we had.

Joan Harris:
[about Vietnam, to the young guys in the office who have insulted her] Remember, when you're over there in the jungle, and they're shooting at you... you're not dying for me. Because I never liked you.

Don Draper:
[Yelling through the door at Miss Blankenship] Get Joan in here!

Peggy Olson:
She startles when you do that.

Joan Harris:
[to Peggy, about her firing of Joey] So all you've done is proved to them that I'm a meaningless secretary and you're another humorless b*tch.

Peggy Olson:
You need three ingredients for a cocktail. Vodka and Mountain Dew is an emergency.

Stan Rizzo:
Peggy Olson, pioneering the science of wet blanketry.

Joan Harris:
I can't wait until next year when all of you are in Vietnam. You will be pining for the day when someone was trying to make your life easier. When you're over there, and you're in the jungle and they're shooting at you, remember you're not dying for me because I never liked you.

Joan Harris:
It's a very brave person that does something anonymously.

Peggy Olson:
[Joey is coming out from Harry Crane's office] What were you doing in there?

Joey Baird:
Every place I've worked there's always some old fairy who comes on to me, but that was the weirdest by far.

Peggy Olson:
Yes, everybody wants you, Joey.

Joey Baird:
It happens a lot.

Bethany Van Nuys:
My goodness, what was that?

Don Draper:
Well, that was actually my ex wife, and her husband, and some slob who's about to have the worst dinner of his life.

Peggy Olson:
I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in here.

Joan Harris:
Where the hell else would I be? This is my office. And you all better stop cutting through here, it's not a thoroughfare. Take the extra steps, you could use them.

Joan Harris:
I really think this vending machine is a trouble maker.

Lane Pryce:
I think it's been a great success. Revenue is climbing. I was gonna suggest we get a sandwich machine. We'd probably get 40% of the work force keeping busy through lunch.

Joan Harris:
Or we'd end up with a bunch of fat secretaries who think the whole afternoon is lunch time because there's always another sandwich around the corner.

Don Draper:
Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel. It let's us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.

Joan Holloway:
I said congratulations didn't I? Although, sometimes when people get what they want they realize how limited their goals were.

Don Draper:
Well, technology is a glittering lure. But there's the rare occasion when the public can be engaged on a level beyond flash, if they have a sentimental bond with the product. My first job, I was in-house at a fur company, with this old pro copywriter. Greek, named Teddy. And Teddy told me the most important idea in advertising is "new". Creates an itch. You simply put your product in there as a kind of... calamine lotion. But he also talked about a deeper bond with the product: nostalgia. It's delicate... but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means, "the pain from an old wound". It's a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship. It's a time machine. It goes backwards, forwards. It takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the Wheel. It's called a Carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels. Around and around, and back home again... to a place where we know we are loved.

Pete Campbell:
Stop joking already, will you Don?

Don Draper:
Excuse me?

Pete Campbell:
This is my father-in-law. He's expecting the very best, I'm expecting the very best. Not some little girl. He'll walk away.

Don Draper:
You'll have to give back that copy of Ayn Rand.

Pete Campbell:
[to Don] It matters to me that you're impressed.

Sally Draper:
[to Joan] You have big ones. My mommy has big ones too. And I'm going to have big ones when I grow up.

Sally Draper:
Let's have a conversation. [Picks up a photo of Sheila] Is that your maid?

Paul Kinsey:
No, she's my girlfriend.

Sally Draper:
Do you kiss her?

Paul Kinsey:
Sometimes...

Sally Draper:
Do you lie on top of her?

Paul Kinsey:
You know what, Sally, your daddy's going to be angry if I don't do my work.

Betty Draper:
You take no responsibility for anything that goes on in this house.

Don Draper:
I pay the bills, put clothes on your back, your damn stables.

Betty Draper:
Don't you dare. I'm here all day. Alone with them, outnumbered.

Don Draper:
What about Carla? Doesn't she count?

Betty Draper:
It's not her job to raise our children! I'm here, and then you come home and get to be the hero.

Don Draper:
You want me to bring home what I got at the office today? I'll put you through that window.

Lee Cabot:
Do you want a sleeping pill?

Don Draper:
No, thank you.

Lee Cabot:
You know what? Me either.

Don Draper:
Is there any wine left? Or did the chicken drink it all?

Peggy Olson:
A pretty face comes along and everything goes out the window.

Megan Calvet:
Hi Sally. This is my friend Camille. Camille, this is Don, Gene and Bobby and Sally.

Camille:
Hello everybody.

Megan Calvet:
I just wanted to make sure you didn't need anything else.

Don Draper:
No, I think we're okay.

Sally Draper:
Where are you going?

Camille:
The Whisky A Go-Go.

Megan Calvet:
Well good night everybody.

Don Draper:
Good night, have fun.

Betty Francis:
I wanted a fresh start, OK? I'm entitled to that!

Henry Francis:
There is no fresh start! Lives carry on.

Betty Francis:
Jesus, Henry, just once could you take my side?

Henry Francis:
No one's ever on your side, Betty.

Don Draper:
I met somebody and... we're engaged.

Faye Miller:
Are you kidding me?

Don Draper:
I know, I know. It's a surprise. It was for me, too.

Faye Miller:
Jesus. Who is she?

Don Draper:
What's the difference? I fell in love. I didn't mean for this to happen. You've been very important to me.

Faye Miller:
So you're not going to put an ad in the "New York Times" saying you never liked me?

Don Draper:
Faye.

Faye Miller:
Well, I hope you're very happy. And I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things.

Joan Harris:
Whatever could be on your mind?

Peggy Olson:
Can you believe it?

Joan Harris:
Happens all the time. They're all just between marriages, you know that. He'll probably make her a copywriter. He's not going to wanna be married to his secretary.

Peggy Olson:
Really? Is that what he meant? "She admires you." Jesus.

Joan Harris:
That's the way it works for some.

Peggy Olson:
You know, I just saved this company. I signed the first new business since Lucky Strike left. But it's not as important as getting married. Again.

Joan Harris:
Well, I was just made Director of Agency Operations. A title, no money of course. And if they poured champagne it must have been while I was pushing the mail cart.

Peggy Olson:
A pretty face comes along and everything goes out the window.

Joan Harris:
Well, I learned a long time ago to not get all my satisfaction from this job.

Peggy Olson:
That's bullshit. [They both laugh]

Megan Calvet:
[as Don and Pete return from their meeting with the American Cancer Society] How'd it go?

Roger Sterling:
Did you get cancer?

Peggy Olson:
[Regarding Danny Siegel] What's his connection to Roger?

Don Draper:
Besides being delusional? He's Jane Siegel's cousin.

Peggy Olson:
It's a relief to see someone worse than me and really know it.

Peggy Olson:
[to Stan, who is browsing a Playboy magazine] Are you gonna work or just stare at pictures of women who can't stare back?

Don Draper:
[In a flashback from the second time they met] I'm sorry, it's just... I've left some messages for you.

Roger Sterling:
And I've ignored them, that's my message for you.

Roger Sterling:
My mother always said, "Be careful what you wish for because you'll get it. And then people get jealous and try and take it away from you."

Don Draper:
You got anything on Vicks?

Peggy Olson:
Actually, it's Vick Chemical.

Don Draper:
Answer the question.

Peggy Olson:
We're very behind. Your new art director has been waiting for synchronicity, which involves me coming up with a bunch of ideas, chasing him down and having him draw all over them, and lose them.

Don Draper:
He's your new art director too, and you have a deadline. And don't think you can spend Monday hiding behind corners and trying not to make eye contact. I will find you.

Don Draper:
Peggy! Take Danny over to Joan, he's starting next Monday.

Peggy Olson:
Are you kidding?

Danny Siegel:
You will not be sorry.

Don Draper:
Go away.

Don Draper:
Call the Pen and Pencil, see if someone found my award.

Miss Blankenship:
What's the category?

Don Draper:
Best actress.

Joan Harris:
[to Roger Sterling] You've crossed the border from lubricated to morose. Good night.

Roger Sterling:
I got to get out of here before they open for lunch. This is embarrassing.

Don Draper:
I'll buy you lunch.

Roger Sterling:
I'm stuffed. I had a jar of olives.

[last lines]

Bertram Cooper:
Don, my boy.