Mass Effect 2

The Illusive Man:
[From Trailer] We're at war. No one wants to admit it but Humanity's under attack. One very specific man might be all that stands between Humanity and the greatest threat of our brief existence.

The Illusive Man:
We need a leader, and surround him with the brightest, the toughest, the deadliest allies we can find. The team will have to be strong, their resolve unquestionable.

Jack:
Hello, dead people!

The Illusive Man:
Shepard, you're making a habit of costing me more than time and money.

Commander Shepard:
I'm sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you- I'm getting a lot of bullshit on this line.

Garrus Vakarian:
Do you ever miss those talks we had on the elevators?

Tali'Zorah:
No.

Garrus Vakarian:
Come on. Remember how we'd always ask you about life on the flotilla? It was an opportunity to share!

Tali'Zorah:
This conversation is over.

Garrus Vakarian:
Tell me again about your immune system.

Tali'Zorah:
I have a shotgun.

Garrus Vakarian:
Mmmmaybe we'll talk later.

Commander Shepard:
[ordering a drink while heavily intoxicated] Put more of the stuff in the... the thing more stuff goes in.

Jack:
I'm not going anywhere with you! You're Cerberus!

Commander Shepard:
Why does it matter if I'm with Cerberus?

Jack:
They've been on my ass for years. Anytime I get free, they put a huge bounty on me. That's why Warden Kuril figured he'd struck gold when he caught me.

Miranda Lawson:
She's destroyed Cerberus property and killed Cerberus people, hence the bounty.

Jack:
[to Miranda] You die first.

Commander Shepard:
If you want to help Urdnot you'd need to get back there. But It would take a real bad-ass to make it back while injured.

Sick Krogran:
I can do it.

Commander Shepard:
You! I said a bad-ass not some scout whining like a quarian with a tummy-ache.

Tali'Zorah:
I'm standing right here!

Tali'Zorah:
Sometimes I'm really glad I can turn off my mask's olfactory filters.

Tali'Zorah:
Just so you know I'm running a fever, I've got a nasty cough, and my sinuses are filled with something I can't even describe. But it was totally worth it!

Kal'Reegar:
I can't get a clear shot while it's down like that. I tried to move in closer but one of the bastards punched a shot clean through my suit!

Commander Shepard:
How bad is your suit damage?

Kal'Reegar:
Combat seals clamped down to isolate contamination, and I'm swimming in antibiotics. The geth might get me but I'm not going to die from an infection in the middle of a battle. That's just insulting!

Commander Shepard:
[discussing 'sparring'] So when should I book the room?

Garrus Vakarian:
I'd wait if you're OK with it. Disrupt the crew a little as possible. Take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm. You know me, always like to savor that last shot before popping the heatsink.

[Shepard gives Garrus a knowing smirk]

Garrus Vakarian:
Wait... that metaphor just went somewhere horrible.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
Another dangerous alien aboard, Commander. Thanks. Why can't you collect coins or commemorative plates or something?

Urdnot Shaman:
This is the tank-bred? Is it very life like. [sniffs] Smells correct as well. Your protests ring hollow, Uvenk.

Commander Shepard:
I don't care what this idiot says. Grunt has a right to be here!

Urdnot Shaman:
There's some fire - and from an alien! Oh, the shame this heaps on those who whine like pups.

Gatatog Uvenk:
If this must stand on ritual, then I invoke a denial! My krantt stands against him! He has no one.

Urdnot Shaman:
Hmm... my patience is tested, but Uvenk invokes correctly. Grunt, who is your krantt? Your allies willing to kill and die on your behalf?

Commander Shepard:
Grunt will strengthen Clan Urdnot. Name our target, and it will die.

Urdnot Shaman:
Spoken well! Most aliens - and some krogan - do not understand our ways. I believe this human does.

Gatatog Uvenk:
Aliens don't know strength! My followers are true krogan! Everything about Grunt is a lie!

Commander Shepard:
[Renegade Interrupt: Shepard headbutts Uvenk]

Gatatog Uvenk:
[tensely] You... you dare?

Urdnot Shaman:
[laughs] I like this human! He understands!

Gatatog Uvenk:
I withdraw my denial. This will be decided elsewhere! [shoves Shepard as he walks away]

Gatatog Uvenk:
You know what tradition demands. Clan Urdnot must respond. Your reforms will not go unopposed! You risk appearing weak at a critical time!

Urdnot Wrex:
[notices Shepard approaching] Shepard! [walks up and embraces her] Shepard! My friend! You look well for dead. I should have known the void couldn't hold you.

Commander Shepard:
Looks like helping me destroy Saren and the geth has worked out for you. Glad we didn't have to kill each other on Virmire.

Urdnot Wrex:
Ha! You made the rise of Urdnot possible. Virmire was a turning point for the krogan, though not everyone was happy about it. Destroying Saren's genophage cure freed us from his manipulation. I used that to spur the clans to unify under Urdnot.

Gatatog Uvenk:
You abandoned many traditions to get your way. Dangerous...

Urdnot Wrex:
[turns and headbutts Uvenk] Speak when spoken to, Uvenk. I'll drag your clan to glory whether it likes it or not.

Gunnery Chief:
This, recruits, is a 20-kilo ferrous slug. Feel the weight. Every five seconds, the main gun of an Everest-class dreadnought accelerates one to 1.3 percent of light speed. It impacts with the force of a 38-kiloton bomb. That is three times the yield of the city-buster dropped on Hiroshima back on Earth. That means Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son-of-a-b*tch in space. Now! Serviceman Burnside! What is Newton's First Law?

Serviceman Burnside:
Sir! An object in motion stays in motion, sir!

Gunnery Chief:
No credit for partial answers, maggot!

Serviceman Burnside:
Sir! Unless acted on by an outside force, sir!

Gunnery Chief:
Damn straight! I dare to assume you ignorant jackasses know that space is empty. Once you fire this hunk of metal, it keeps going till it hits something. That can be a ship, or the planet behind that ship. It might go off into deep space and hit somebody else in ten thousand years. If you pull the trigger on this, you are ruining someone's day, somewhere and sometime. That is why you check your damn targets! That is why you wait for the computer to give you a damn firing solution! That is why, Serviceman Chung, we do not "eyeball it!" This is a weapon of mass destruction. You are not a cowboy shooting from the hip!

Serviceman Chung:
Sir, yes sir!

Annoyed Human:
Come on, let me in! Aria's expecting me, ugh!

Elcor Bouncer:
Annoyed: If she were expecting you, you'd be inside.

Annoyed Human:
You've let 10 people in while I've been standing here!

Elcor Bouncer:
Uncaring: They were VIPs.

Annoyed Human:
Can you even see me over here? Don't you know who I am?

Elcor Bouncer:
Matter-of-factly: No. Get in line.

Annoyed Human:
Look, I'll pay you. I'm prepared to offer you 50 credits.

Elcor Bouncer:
With apparent interest: Double it.

Annoyed Human:
Okay, 100 credits!

Elcor Bouncer:
Amused: Double it.

Annoyed Human:
Err... 200 credits?

Elcor Bouncer:
Assertively: No. Get back in line.

Annoyed Human:
I've had enough of this! Let me in, or I'll smash that smelly ass you call a face!

Elcor Bouncer:
With barely constrained menace: Try it.

Annoyed Human:
Whatever. I don't wanna go in there anyway...

Harrot:
Tentatively excited: Welcome human. What can I get for you?

Commander Shepard:
Tell me about your "deal" with the quarian over there.

Harrot:
Suspicious: If I had made such a deal, I would not be inclined to discuss it. Accusatory: I don't understand how it is any concern of yours.

Commander Shepard:
What if you and I make a deal? You let him set his own prices, and I won't break your legs.

Harrot:
With barely contained terror: You drive a hard bargain, human.

Commander Shepard:
I haven't even started.

Harrot:
Resignation: Very well. I will release the quarian from his promise.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
[after giving EDI control of the ship] Argh! You want me to go crawling through the ducts again.

EDI:
I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees.

EDI:
[Upon seeing Joker with a worried expression on his face] That is a joke.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
Right.

Turian Councilor:
Ah yes, Reapers. The immortal race of sentient starships allegedly waiting in dark space. We have dismissed that claim.

Gunnery Chief:
This, recruits, is a 20-kilo ferrous slug. Feel the weight. Every five seconds, the main gun of an Everest-class dreadnought accelerates one to 1.3 percent of light speed. It impacts with the force of a 38-kilotomb bomb. That is three times the yield of the city buster dropped on Hiroshima back on Earth. That means Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son-of-a-b*tch in space. Now! Serviceman Burnside! What is Newton's First Law?

First Recruit:
Sir! A object in motion stays in motion, sir!

Gunnery Chief:
No credit for partial answers, maggot!

First Recruit:
Sir! Unless acted on by an outside force, sir!

Gunnery Chief:
Damn straight! I dare to assume you ignorant jackasses know that space is empty. Once you fire this husk of metal, it keeps going till it hits something. That can be a ship, or the planet behind that ship. It might go off into deep space and hit somebody else in ten thousand years. If you pull the trigger on this, you're ruining someone's day, somewhere and sometime. That is why you check your damn targets! That is why you wait for the computer to give you a damn firing solution! That is why, Serviceman Chung, we do not "eyeball it!" This is a weapon of mass destruction. You are not a cowboy shooting from the hip!

Second Recruit:
Sir, yes sir!

Commander Shepard:
Take a good long look at me. Do I look like a looter?

District Guard:
Uh, no.

Commander Shepard:
That's right. Now, I'm going in. If I find looters, I'll kill them. Anybody gets in my way, I'll kill them, too.

District Guard:
[Worried] I'll call the guards. They'll let you in with no trouble.

Refugee:
Wait, you're stopping me but not them? You son of a b*tch!

District Guard:
You don't have a grenade launcher, lady. Get lost.

Garrus Vakarian:
[When bringing Garrus to Mordin's recruitment mission] A quarantine zone for a plague that kills turians. Why don't we ever go anywhere nice?

Jack:
Mess with someone's head enough, you can turn a scared little kid into an all powerful b*tch.

Prof. Mordin Solus:
I have ruled out the possibility of an artificially intelligent virus, unless it's *very* intelligent... and toying with me.

[Dr. Chakwas shares a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy with Commander Shepard and they both get drunk]

Doctor Chakwas:
[laughing] I thought Alenko's biotic display might've broken Jenkins' back, but Jenkins pops up and yells, "THAT WAS AWESOME!" Ah, Jenkins. Soldiers like him make the Alliance great! Cerberus lacks the same... enthusiasm.

Commander Shepard:
With your service record, you could've gotten a tour of duty on any Alliance ship. Why'd you really leave?

Doctor Chakwas:
Maybe it's less about leaving and more about staying. As a military doctor, I mostly treat people who are in bad shape. Often they die. And if I *can* help them, they move on. Either way, they leave.

Commander Shepard:
Don't you have any friends or family?

Doctor Chakwas:
No. Not lacking friendship, just stability. Jeff... Joker will always have Vrolik Syndrome. He would never admit it, but he needs my help. And he always will. I wish it weren't, but sadly, it's true.

Commander Shepard:
Treating Joker gives you a kind of stability.

Doctor Chakwas:
So does this ship, even if it's a copy. Or, hell, maybe it's you. Shepard, our immovable center. A place for a person to stop and catch her breath. Or maybe I'm just happily drunk. Would it hurt if it was simple like that for once?

Commander Shepard:
Here's to simply being happily drunk.

Doctor Chakwas:
I'll drink to that.

Commander Shepard:
I take it you're a scientist?

Fortack:
I used to be a scientist. I designed weapons. Now my genius is wasted on frivolous things. Things that don't explode. My predecessor said no one would understand the true worth of my work. As I pulled my blade from his chest, I knew he was telling the truth.

Commander Shepard:
Not exactly what I would call effective academic peer review.

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Hard to see big picture behind pile of corpses.

Thane Krios:
Amonkira, Lord of Hunters, grant that my hands be steady, my aim be true, and my feet swift. And should the worst come to pass, grant me forgiveness.

The Illusive Man:
I made you, Shepard! I brought you back from the dead!

Commander Shepard:
And I'm going to do what you brought me back to do. I'll fight and win this war without compromising the soul of our species.

Harbinger:
Human, you've changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater. That which you know as Reapers are your salvation through destruction.

Miranda Lawson:
This radiation is causing serious problems for my shields.

Grunt:
Then we fight from the shade... but no hiding.

Harbinger:
You have failed. We will find another way. [Harbinger is revealed to be a Reaper controlling the collector general] Releasing control!

Commander Shepard:
What sound will you make when you hit the ground? You think you'll hear it before you die?

Additional Voices:
Are you the one who killed the merc?

Commander Shepard:
I've killed a lot of mercs today, but I can't take credit for him.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
It'll be better than the old days... You'll see!

Commander Shepard:
I hope so... I died!

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
Geez, you're such a downer!

Legion:
We do not comprehend the organic fascination of self-poisoning, auditory damage and sexually transmitted disease.

EDI:
Clan Urdnot has increased in strength after the destruction of Clan Weyrlock. In addition killing the thresher maw has produced several breeding requests for Grunt, and one for Shepard.

Illium advertisement:
My life is too long to deal with an asymmetrical scalp.

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
Kenneth and I have been partners in crime since we graduated from tech academy. When he got the Cerberus offer, I insisted that it include me. He'd fall apart without me.

Kenneth Donnelly:
Thanks, mum.

Kenneth Donnelly:
We're off to kick the Collectors right in their daddy-bags.

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
I've got green across the board. The forward tanks are bouyant and elevated.

Kenneth Donnelly:
Are you talking about the Normandy, or Miranda?

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
I'm talking about the one that's covered and protected, not bouncing in the breeze.

Kenneth Donnelly:
I don't know. Officer Lawson's uniform is very official. It always makes me stand at attention.

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
You're such a dog.

Commander Shepard:
[When asked to relinquish weapons] I'll relinquish one bullet. Where do you want it?

Volus:
Do you have anything a little more flashy? I want something that says: "I own this room. I own YOU."

Asari Merchant:
[sigh] I'll see what I can do, sir.

Dr. Liara T'Soni:
Either you pay me or I flay you alive... with my mind.

Commander Shepard:
How are you holding up?

Grunt:
You're soft, Shepard. My fingers's length in your back and i can sever your spine. You're just like the Salarians and Asari, all soft. Turians and Quarians, they're tougher. It takes more to get through a Turian, but there really isn't much point.

Grunt:
[Chuckles, and with quotation finger gestures] "Much point." Ah, never mind.

Commander Shepard:
You'd better not stab me in the back, Grunt.

Grunt:
I would never stab you in the back, Shepard. Military like you and me? Straight to the face.

Grunt:
[after a brief pause] Kidding! Kidding!

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
So Kenneth, do you know we've got a crazy woman squatting down in the sub-deck?

Kenneth Donnelly:
What? If she touches anything, I'll kill her.

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
Oh, and the only thing she wears from the waist up is tattoos.

Kenneth Donnelly:
Oh! Maybe I should go down and welcome her aboard.

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
And she's a murderer who has biotic powers that could crush you in a blink. Hates everyone in Cerberus.

Kenneth Donnelly:
Damn it girl! Stop toying with me!

EDI:
[Shepard launches a probe at Uranus] Really, Commander?

[Shepard launches a second probe]

EDI:
[exasperated] Probing Uranus.

Commander Shepard:
[Threatening to push a merc to his death] You're got two ways down, express, or coach.

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
Hey Kenneth, you hear Rupert is actually making good food now?

Kenneth Donnelly:
Yeah, but he couldn't make a good haggis to save his life!

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
Yeah, but all haggis tastes like ass anyway.

Kenneth Donnelly:
Aye, but in the right hands, it can taste like mighty fine ass!

Garrus Vakarian:
[after dodging an explosion] Definitely like old times.

Niftu Cal:
I am a biotic god, I think things and they happen! Fear me, lesser creatures, for I am biotics made flesh!

Commander Shepard:
I don't know what drugs you're on, but stay back and I won't shoot you.

Niftu Cal:
You will regret your scandalous words! I am a great wind that will sweep all before me like a... a great wind! A great biotic wind! Yes, the asari injecting so many drugs into me was terrifying, But then I began to smell my greatness! They may laugh when I fall over, but they don't know what I know in my head... that I know that I am amazingly powerful! Fear me.

Commander Shepard:
Are you part of Pitne For's trade group?

Niftu Cal:
When I was mortal, I worked for Pitne. The poor soul is probably terrified that I have not returned.

Jack:
He didn't say anything about you going missing. Didn't want to get stuck here.

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Pitne picks money over friends. Unsurprising.

Niftu Cal:
Bah! I will wreak a just revenge upon his people! But first, the leader of these mercenaries is in the next room. I shall toss Wasea about like a rag doll!

Zaeed:
Shepard, want me to kneecap this guy so he doesn't follow us around?

Jack:
Fifteen creds says the little guy doesn't make it five steps in before the merc explodes him.

Niftu Cal:
I will tear her apart! My biotics are unstoppable!

Commander Shepard:
Charge.

Niftu Cal:
An ill wind blows upon Wasea, captain of the Eclipse sisters! After me!

[Niftu Cal runs in and is immediately killed by Wasea]

Jack:
That was mean. But damn funny.

Sick Krogran:
I can do it! I'm up! And I'm going to the female camp!

Commander Shepard:
Damn right you are. Get back there and show them what you're worth! Go, go!

Sick Krogran:
RAAAHHHHHHH!

Kenneth Donnelly:
So Gabby, what do you think of our new quarian boss?

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
Shh, she's right over there.

Kenneth Donnelly:
She can't hear us with her head in that bucket. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful bucket. The whole suit is lovely, quite snug in all the right places.

Tali'Zorah:
You know I can hear you.

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
Ha!

Commander Shepard:
I'm sorry, I know that was important, but *you* performed Gilbert and Sullivan?

Prof. Mordin Solus:
[singing] I am the very model of a scientist salarian - I've studied species Turian, Asari and Batarian - I'm quite good at genetics as a subset of biology - because I am an expert which I know is a tautology! My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian - I am the very model of a scientist salarian!

[long pause]

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Ahem.

Commander Shepard:
Have you got a minute to talk?

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Actually, wanted to talk. Medical matters. Aware that mission is dangerous, different species react differently to stress. Aware you come by a great deal. Have had other species become attracted to me before. Awkward. Not interested.

Commander Shepard:
You've had members of another species make a pass at you?

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Constantly. Very awkward. Skin tone apparently attractive by turian standards. Subset of krogan sexual deviants enjoy salarian flexibility. More cartilage in skeletal structure. Asari offers intriguing, actually. Wonder why. Transspecies pheremones unlikely to work. Must be neurochemical.

Commander Shepard:
Wait a minute Mordin, you're just yanking me around, aren't you?

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Shocking suggestion! Doctor-patient confidentiality a sacred trust. Would never dream of mockery. Enjoy yourself while possible Shepard. Will be here studying cell reproduction. Much simpler. Less alcohol and mood music required.

Used Ship Dealer:
Now I'm hardly one to judge, Earth-Clan, but you appear quite fertile. I believe you could use a shuttle with seating for many bulbous children.

Tali'Zorah:
[Launching a combat drone] Go get 'em, Chiktikka! Good girl.

Commander Shepard:
I couldn't do this without you, Garrus.

Garrus Vakarian:
Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.

Kenneth Donnelly:
You're the best, Commander. We just got those FBA couplings installed. Now we only have to calibrate every week instead of every day. We're thinking about celebrating our newfound free time with some Skyllian-Five poker. Want to join us?

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
Come on Kenneth. The Commander doesn't want to play cards with grease monkeys like us.

Commander Shepard:
Actually, that sounds interesting.

Kenneth Donnelly:
You in, Tali?

Tali'Zorah:
Sure, that sounds fun.

Kenneth Donnelly:
Fantastic! I'll get the cards.

Commander Shepard:
I hope you're up for some competition.

Tali'Zorah:
Oh no. What did I get myself into?

Kenneth Donnelly:
This should be good.

[Shepard wins 100 credits]

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
Sh*t. You play some mean cards, Shepard. I've never seen Kenneth sweat like that.

Tali'Zorah:
And I thought I had a good poker face...

Commander Shepard:
Heard about anything interesting going on around here?

Turian bartender:
I serve drinks. You want to know what's going on, check the news.

[pause]

Turian bartender:
I don't know why humans always ask me that.

[Blind date between a turian and a quarian]

Quarian:
So then he says, "Oh, it's okay. Our amino acids are all different, so it's not like we can get diseases or anything if we go natural."

Turian:
I'm telling you, this is why you shouldn't date humans.

Quarian:
So then I had to explain about cross-species fluid contact. Completely killed the mood.

Turian:
Not to mention that you're a quarian. How could he be so insensitive? You deserve somebody who's going to respect you. Somebody who's going to treat you right.

Quarian:
Oh, I think I'm just going to stop dating for a while.

Turian:
No! Don't do that. Don't let some human spoil you.

Quarian:
It's always the same thing. "Ooh, she could get sick. Ooh, she's vulnerable. I wonder what she looks like under the helmet."

Turian:
You'll find someone out there who cares about you for who you are. Someone whose food you can eat, even. If you're hurting for something to do, maybe after work we could catch a vid or something?

Quarian:
Oh, that's sweet, but a little dry spell isn't going to kill me.

Turian:
We could watch 'Fleet and Flotilla', it got awards for its portrayal of, um, turian and quarian relationships.

Quarian:
Anyway, if worst comes to worst, I did have the nerve-stimulation program built into my suit.

Turian:
And I hear that the loves scenes are... what?

Quarian:
Oh yeah. Standard equipment for any responsible adult. Here, let me fire it up... uhh, excuse me human? Private con-ver-say-ti-onn? Ugh.

Turian:
A little space, please?

[Bachelor party with an asari stripper]

Salarian:
I still don't see why we're here. Salarians do not "get married." My family simply negotiated a reproduction contract...

Human:
Well, it's the closest you guys get to a wedding, and that means you get a bachelor party. End of story.

Salarian:
I don't understand. Humans celebrate wedding contracts by tempting infidelity? That makes no sense!

Human:
Calm down, man. Don't embarrass me in front of the stripper.

Salarian:
What do turians do? Do turians do this too?

Turian:
I'm just here for the drinks.

Salarian:
You said that bachelor parties are for very close friends. We're just co-workers.

Human:
We've been co-workers for five years though. Aren't salarian years like dog years?

Salarian:
Ok, now, that's offensive. I appreciate the gesture, but my people don't even have sex drives like humans do.

Human:
Uh-huh. Take a look at *that*, man. Everybody likes the asari. *Everybody*.

Salarian:
But we actually reproduce by... my word. She is very... limber. I can appreciate her dancing in an aesthetic manner, but... I don't have... feelings of... she is a lovely shade of blue.

Turian:
Ok, that makes my legs hurt just watching it, and my knees are meant to bend that way.

Salarian:
This isn't as bad as I'd feared. It's actually... i-is it warm in here? What's that little divot in her abdomen?

Human:
It's called a belly-button. Humans and asari have them, and you're going to be doing shots out of it later tonight.

Turian:
That can't be sanitary.

Human:
Not the point, man!

Salarian:
I can understand why I might find asari attractive, but how can they be attractive to humans too? They look just like salarians!

Human:
What? They look exactly like us! I'm not seeing the salarian thing at all. At all.

Turian:
You're both wrong. Asari look just like blue turians. Look at the head-fringe!

Human:
Wait, you don't think they're like, mind-controlling us to see them as attractive, do you?

Turian:
Please be quiet. You're going to ruin asari for me. And there aren't many turian women on Illium.

Salarian:
Well, I suppose watching just... one more dance couldn't hurt.

Human:
Hahaha! That's the spirit!

Turian:
As long as I'm not paying for the drinks.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
Why is it always claws and guns? Why can't we piss off a fuzzy planet? Still dangerous, but hey, bunnies.

Commander Shepard:
Have you got a minute to talk?

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Perhaps later. Trying to determine how scale itch got onto Normandy, sexually transmitted disease only carried by varren. Implications... unpleasant.

Commander Shepard:
I'll dance next to you, if you want to think we're dancing together go ahead.

Conrad Verner:
You wanna see how far I'll go? I learned how to shove a gun in people's faces from... Commander Shepard?

Matriarch Aethyta:
Hey, if you know this idiot, can you rein him in before I slap his ass with a singularity?

Commander Shepard:
Have a minute to talk?

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Not now, I think I just developed a cure for Joker's illness! No, wait, causes liver failure, never mind...

[Preparing to give EDI full access to the ship]

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
I can already hear it... "This is all Joker's fault! What a tool he was! I have to spend all day computing pi because he plugged in the Overlord!"

Miranda Lawson:
I don't know what this is, if this is stress or just blowing off steam or...

Commander Shepard:
I care about you, Miranda. And I think you care about me.

Miranda Lawson:
This is no time for emotional entanglement! You and I know more about the Collectors than anyone, we know how unlikely it is we're coming back alive! What idiotic bunch of hormones thought that now was a great time for love?

Commander Shepard:
Who said anything about love? I'm just trying to get you into bed.

Miranda Lawson:
You ass...

Commander Shepard:
Come on, Miranda. You know you want this.

Miranda Lawson:
I do...

Commander Shepard:
I trust you too Tali, but you don't have to prove anything to me.

Tali'Zorah:
I know... well no not that I know... it's just that... well... it's not normally like this... I mean, wow... when did it get so hot in here?

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Salarian:
[about Nassana] Aim for her head, because she doesn't have a heart.

[Racing to save the ship from the Collectors]

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
Sh*t sh*t sh*t sh*t sh*t...

EDI:
Activating emergency H-fuel cells!

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
What the sh*t?

Garrus Vakarian:
I remember this one mission, me and this recon scout had been at each other's throats, nerves mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring.

Commander Shepard:
I take it you went easy on her?

Garrus Vakarian:
Actually, she and I were the two best hand to hand combatants on the ship. I had reach, she had flexibility. It was brutal. After 9 rounds, the judges declared it a draw. A lot of unhappy bettors in the other room. We, uh, ended up having a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess...

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Blasto the Hanar Spectre:
This one has forgotten whether its heat sink is over capacity. It wonders whether the criminal scum considers itself fortunate.

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Blasto the Hanar Spectre:
This one doesn't have time for your solid waste excretions!

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Blasto the Hanar Spectre:
Enkindle this!

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Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
Hey, Commander, we got Garrus back! You know, he was always my favorite... with that pole up his ass...

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
I'm glad Garrus finally worked that stick out of his ass... But now he's trying to beat people to death with it.

EDI:
I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees... [Bewildered look on Joker's face] That is a joke.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
Right...

Harkin:
Wait! I can't just give client information away! It's bad for business.

Garrus Vakarian:
You know what else is bad for business? [Garrus kicks Harkin in the face and rests a foot on his throat] A broken neck!

Dr. Liara T'Soni:
She's got reinforcements!

Commander Shepard:
What kind of guns does this thing have?

Dr. Liara T'Soni:
It's a taxi! It has a fare meter!

Commander Shepard:
Wonderful.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
If Mom could see me now, we'd have zombies on top of everything else.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
[after EDI mentions she has Reaper hardware] And if this thing starts claiming to be the "vanguard of our destruction," then I got shotgun on the first lifeboat, okay?

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
You know what I hate about deep space? Crap radio stations from two hundred years back. My gosh, we were idiots.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
You know what pisses me off? Calling this the cockpit. Alliance ships have bridges. Asari have cockpits. Oh wait, no they don't.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
I was thinking of installing some lava lamps. Maybe some Christmas lights for ambiance. What do you think?

Commander Shepard:
You forgot your credit chit at Saronis Applications. The Clerk is holding it for you.

Kor Tun:
Oh. Well. The quarian could have stolen it.

Officer Tammert:
[to Lia'Vael] I'll close this event report. But I'll be watching you. Get a permanent residence, or I'll run you in for vagrancy. [turns to leave]

Commander Shepard:
Are you to serious?

Kor Tun:
What?

Commander Shepard:
[to Kor Tun] You falsely accuse this girl from stealing from you. All you have to say now is that she "could have" stolen it? [shoves Kor Tun]

Kor Tun:
Now just a min...

Commander Shepard:
[grabs Officer Tammert's shirt] And you. She gets harassed and insulted by this guy, and you throw in a threat to arrest her for vagrancy?

Officer Tammert:
How about I run you in for obstruction of justice?

Commander Shepard:
[releases Tammert] You think you're going to "run in" a Spectre? I think both of you should get out of here.

Officer Tammert:
Son of a... [he and Kor Tun leave]

EDI:
Unlock my sealed databases, and I can initiate countermeasures. The maintenance shaft in the science lab will allow you passage to the AI core. Main corridors are no longer safe. The Collectors have boarded. The emergency floor lighting will guide you, Mr. Moreau.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
[stands up] Ah, damn it! [begins moving through the control room] Sh*t, sh*t sh*t.

Crewman Goldstein:
[a Collector enters the control room] Oh my god! What is that?

Crewman Hadley:
[Crewmen begin firing at the Collector] We'll hold it off as long as we can. Hurry, Joker! Go! Aaah! You're our only shot! Joker, go!

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
[enters the science lab] Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t. [crawls through the maintenance shaft to the crew deck]

EDI:
Multiple hostiles detected on the crew deck.

Crewman Hawthorne:
Joker. This deck is crawling with those things! Stay close - I'll protect you! [runs forward and is swiftly killed]

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
[running past collectors] Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

EDI:
Main fusion plant offline. Activating emergency H-fuel cells.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
What the sh*t!

Harbinger:
Prepare yourselves for the arrival.

Commander Shepard:
What do you think our chances are Garrus?

Garrus Vakarian:
Honestly? The Collectors have killed you once, and all it seems to have done is piss you off so...

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
You know Commander I'm not real broken up that Wrex isn't coming. I'm good with your current amount of head-butting. I'd say we're at head-butting capacity.

Zaeed:
Shepard! I was just waxing goddamn nostalgic.

Zaeed:
This takes me back...

[the Normandy is about to be attacked by a Collector ship]

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
Can't dodge this guy forever, EDI! Get us the hell out of here!

EDI:
Specify a destination, Mr. Moreau.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
Anywhere that's not here!

Dr. Liara T'Soni:
[surrounded by enemy troops] Their attacks are disorganized. They'd be more effective if they all attacked at once.

Commander Shepard:
Please don't give the mercs ideas.

Dr. Liara T'Soni:
[more troops arrive] The next wave looks like a big one.

Commander Shepard:
You just had to give'em tactical advice.

Dr. Liara T'Soni:
But now there'll be fewer left to deal with inside.

Commander Shepard:
Keep dreaming, T'Soni.

[If you bring Legion on Tali's loyalty mission]

Captain Kar'danna:
Get that damn thing off my ship before you start an incident that makes the Ascension Project fiasco with Cerberus look like a slow day on garbage detail!

Commander Shepard:
When I take Tali aboard Council stations, the customs guys sometimes call her "that thing." This thing is named Legion.

Captain Kar'danna:
How about you step aside and we call it scrap metal?

Legion:
Our exterior shell is 72% polymer.

Commander Shepard:
I need Grunt back up to speed. What's wrong with him?

Urdnot Wrex:
There's nothing wrong with him. He's becoming a full adult.

Garrus Vakarian:
Adolescence? Can't we just take him to Omega and buy him a few dances?

Commander Shepard:
What's your opinion of this? The drugs, I mean.

Legion:
These substances enhance short-term performance at the expense of long-term platform survivability. It is fundamentally similar to "over-clocking" geth hardware. We do so whenever necessary. However, should our platform be damaged by overclocking, we can be repaired. Why an organic would choose this is puzzling.

Commander Shepard:
Will you just stop for a second? We'll be jumping several light years. There's time to talk.

Dr. Liara T'Soni:
About what?

Commander Shepard:
About us.

Dr. Liara T'Soni:
Shepard, listen. I'm... glad you're here.

Commander Shepard:
You worried there might be terminals you need me to hack?

Dr. Liara T'Soni:
That's not fair! You were dead!

Commander Shepard:
I came back!

Dr. Liara T'Soni:
Yes, you came back! And now *you'd* rather pass time with "Ms. Lawson" and her low cut jumpsuit!

Dr. Liara T'Soni:
So tell me what you want. If this all ends tomorrow, what happens to us?

Commander Shepard:
I don't know. Marriage, old age, and a lot of little blue children?

Harbinger:
Kill one and one hundred will replace it.

Commander Shepard:
My name is Shepard, and I'm here to get you off this ship.

Jack:
I'm not going anywhere with you. You're Cerberus.

Commander Shepard:
I'm offering to be your friend. You don't want to be my enemy.

Legion:
There is a high statistical probability of death by gunshot. A punch to the face is also likely.

Jack:
You show up in a Cerberus frigate to take me away somewhere? You think I'm stupid?

Commander Shepard:
This ship is going down in flames. I've got the *only* way out. I'm offering to take you with me, and you're arguing!

Legion:
Reccommend Subject-Jack be disabled and transported aboard as cargo.

Commander Shepard:
You're awfully anxious to get Samara out of your district.

Detective Anaya:
My bosses want me to detain her. They're worried she'll cause some kind of cross-species incident. But her Justicar Code won't let her be taken into custody. If I try it, she'll have to kill me. I have no interest in dying, so if you lure her away with some big noble cause before I have to carry out my orders, I'm thrilled to help you.

Commander Shepard:
Your superiors are sending you to certain death for no good reason. You have a right to disobey.

Legion:
Shepard-Commander orders us to statistically probable death an average of 2.73 instances per day. Rounded down.

Commander Shepard:
You're awfully anxious to get Samara out of your district.

Detective Anaya:
My bosses want me to detain her. They're worried she'll cause some kind of cross-species incident. But her Justicar Code won't let her be taken into custody. If I try it, she'll have to kill me. I have no interest in dying, so if you lure her away with some big noble cause before I have to carry out my orders, I'm thrilled to help you.

Commander Shepard:
Your superiors are sending you to certain death for no good reason. You have a right to disobey.

Garrus Vakarian:
We can disobey suicidal orders? Why wasn't I told?

Tali'Zorah:
That's about twice a day.

Commander Shepard:
You're awfully anxious to get Samara out of your district.

Detective Anaya:
My bosses want me to detain her. They're worried she'll cause some kind of cross-species incident. But her Justicar Code won't let her be taken into custody. If I try it, she'll have to kill me. I have no interest in dying, so if you lure her away with some big noble cause before I have to carry out my orders, I'm thrilled to help you.

Commander Shepard:
Your superiors are sending you to certain death for no good reason. You have a right to disobey.

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Good to know, given the number of times we're ordered into hazardous situations. Twice a day, on average.

Commander Shepard:
You're awfully anxious to get Samara out of your district.

Detective Anaya:
My bosses want me to detain her. They're worried she'll cause some kind of cross-species incident. But her Justicar Code won't let her be taken into custody. If I try it, she'll have to kill me. I have no interest in dying, so if you lure her away with some big noble cause before I have to carry out my orders, I'm thrilled to help you.

Commander Shepard:
Your superiors are sending you to certain death for no good reason. You have a right to disobey.

Jack:
Let's remember that the next time Shepard sends into impossible odds. That's about twice a day.

Commander Shepard:
You're awfully anxious to get Samara out of your district.

Detective Anaya:
My bosses want me to detain her. They're worried she'll cause some kind of cross-species incident. But her Justicar Code won't let her be taken into custody. If I try it, she'll have to kill me. I have no interest in dying, so if you lure her away with some big noble cause before I have to carry out my orders, I'm thrilled to help you.

Commander Shepard:
Your superiors are sending you to certain death for no good reason. You have a right to disobey.

Zaeed:
Then maybe we should talk about hazard pay next time Shepard walks us into certain death. That's about twice a day, best I can figure.

Commander Shepard:
Are you part of Pitne For's trade group?

Niftu Cal:
When I was mortal, I worked for Pitne. The poor soul is probably terrified that I have not returned.

Legion:
Pitne For has not reported your absence. His goal was departure. Pitne For places greater value on material goods than companions.

Niftu Cal:
I shall toss Wasea about like a rag doll!

Legion:
His operating system is unstable. He will fail.

Commander Shepard:
I assume everything is going well up here?

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
We're just having an argument over personalization of my workspace.

EDI:
Cerberus regulations are clear, Mr. Moreau. "Personalization" does not include grease on my bridge cameras.

Jacob Taylor:
Commander. We've done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit. The docs corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell, he'll have full functionality, but...

[Garrus walks in]

Garrus Vakarian:
Shepard.

Jacob Taylor:
Tough son of a b*tch. Didn't think he'd be up yet.

Garrus Vakarian:
Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?

Commander Shepard:
Hell, Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face-paint on there, and no one will even notice.

Garrus Vakarian:
Ha-ah! Don't make me laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding together as it is. Ah, probably for the best. Everyone was always ignoring you and hitting on me. Time for you to get a fair shot at it.

[while watching a prisoner be tortured during an interrogation]

Legion:
This subject will invent fiction it believes the interrogator desires. Data acquired will be invalid.

[about the Citadel]

Legion:
This is not unlike our stations. Far more inefficient. Your organic shells require more space. Information propagation is slow. Many voices speak at once. We do not understand how it functions without consensus. Perhaps study of other hive species will illuminate. Beginning extranet search protocols.

Kenneth Donnelly:
Gabby, you'd say the Normandy is a she, not a he, right?

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
Of course. The Normandy's the sweetest girl there is.

Kenneth Donnelly:
And EDI's a she. Tali's definitely a she.

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
What are you getting at, Kenneth?

Kenneth Donnelly:
I'm just saying I'm feeling a wee bit threatened here. A lot of female energy, and I'm just one man.

Engineer Gabriella Daniels:
You're such a dick.

Kenneth Donnelly:
See! Look where your mind went. I've got to watch out for myself.

EDI:
Primary defense systems are offline. We can save the Normandy, Mr. Moreau, but you must help me. Give me the ship.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
What? You're crazy. You start singing "Daisy Bell" and I'm done.

Commander Shepard:
I assume everything is going well up here?

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
You know, this is really nice. EDI took up the slack in almost every department. I could get used to this kind of help.

EDI:
It is not my intention to assume all of your responsibilities, Jeff.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
No, no, no, I'm good. Just keep me updated. Quietly.

Commander Shepard:
EDI isn't a crutch. I want your eyes on everything.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
Eyes are easy, Commander. I've got eyes covered.

EDI:
I believe covering your eyes would be counter to Shepard's intention.

Niftu Cal:
[after being pushed over by Shepard] But... great wind! Biotic god! I'm... I... what was I saying? I'm... tired. You... may be right. Yes, I'm tired... I'll nap. Destroy the universe later...

Prof. Mordin Solus:
[offering medical advice to Shepard] Sexual activity normal stress relief for humans and Turians. Still recommend caution. Warn of chafing.

Thane Krios:
Kolyat.

Kolyat Krios:
This... this is a joke. Now? *Now* you show up?

Joram Talid:
Help me, drell. I'll do whatever you want.

Captain Bailey:
C-Sec. Put the gun down, son.

Kolyat Krios:
Get out of my way. I'm walking out. He's coming with me.

Thane Krios:
They'll have snipers outside.

Kolyat Krios:
I don't need your help! All of you, back off! I'll kill him!

Commander Shepard:
[Renegade option] No, you won't. [shoots Talid dead]

Kolyat Krios:
Oh my gods...

Commander Shepard:
Hostages only work when your enemy cares if they live.

Thane Krios:
Interesting solution.

Commander Shepard:
He was a racist and a criminal. Isn't that enough?

Thane Krios:
To some, I suppose.

Kolyat Krios:
I read your files. Isn't that what you do? Kill people who do bad things?

Captain Bailey:
[to C-Sec officer] Take the boy into custody.

Kolyat Krios:
You son of a b*tch!

Commander Shepard:
Your father and I have killed a lot of people. You haven't. There's no reason you should start.

Kolyat Krios:
I read his files. What made it okay for *him* to kill all those years?

Thane Krios:
I was six when the hanar began to train me. I didn't know any better. Your mother woke me from my battle sleep.

Kolyat Krios:
Then why did you leave her? Why weren't you there when she died?

Thane Krios:
Your mother - they killed her to get to me. It was my fault.

Kolyat Krios:
What?

Thane Krios:
After her body was given to the deep, I went to find them. The trigger men. The ringleaders. I hurt them. Eventually killed them. When I went back to see you you were... older. I should have stayed with you.

Kolyat Krios:
I guess it's too bad for me you waited so long, huh?

Thane Krios:
Kolyat, I've taken many bad things out of the world. You're the only good thing I ever added to it.

iPartner Connections Inter-Relay Text Chat:
[Lair of the Shadow Broker Bonus Mission Completed, Miranda Lawson's Dossier opened, Personal Correspondence opened] To: LawBringerSR2 From: TrueGent4evar

TrueGent4evar:
20:11 TG: Oh! My love is like a red, red rose that is new sprung

Miranda Lawson:
20:11 LB: [DISCONNECT]

iPartner Connections Inter-Relay Text Chat:
Thank you for connecting to iPartner Connections!

Inter-Relay Text Chat:
[Lair of the Shadow Broker Bonus Mission Completed, Miranda Lawson's Dossier opened, Personal Correspondence opened] To: LawBringerSR2 From: PerfectMan01

PerfectMan01:
21:09 PM: Hey there. New to this iPartner stuff?

Miranda Lawson:
21:09 LB: Yes.

PerfectMan01:
21:10 PM: Well, maybe tell me about yourself. What sort of work you do?

Miranda Lawson:
21:10 LB: I can't talk about that.

PerfectMan01:
21.10 PM: Like some kind of secret government spy stuff? Sounds dangerous! Heh.

Miranda Lawson:
21:10 LB: Yes.

PerfectMan01:
21:12 PM: OK how about a little about you? What do you do for fun?

Miranda Lawson:
21:12 LB: Look, I don't really care about getting to know you. Upload your medical exam results.

PerfectMan01:
21:14 PM: Sure. [UPLOADING]

Miranda Lawson:
21:20 LB: You had a mild case of Shintonial Abraxas 4 years ago.

PerfectMan01:
21:20 PM: Yes, but the doctors have

Miranda Lawson:
21:20 LB: [DISCONNECT]

Inter-Relay Text Chat:
Thank you for connecting to iPartner Connections!

Commander Shepard:
How is it when I ask for someones help they never say sure no problem. No strings attached.

Garrus Vakarian:
And here I thought I had had my one betrayal and attempted murder for this year.

Commander Shepard:
Have you got a minute?

Garrus Vakarian:
Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.

Grunt:
[upon seeing the Geth colossus on Tali's recruitment mission] Why I follow you, Shepard, big things!

Miranda Lawson:
[Shepard and Miranda run into each other] Oh! Pardon me, Commander...

[Puts her hand on his chest and whispers in his ear]

Miranda Lawson:
I've cleared the engine room. I'll be there in 5 minutes.

Commander Shepard:
I should've known you wouldn't settle for the captain's quarters.

Miranda Lawson:
I settle for nothing but the best.

[Walks into the elevator and gives Shepard a wink as the door closes]

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
[First comment when Shepard comes to talk to Joker after releasing Grunt] You collect stray cats as a kid? Because we really needed a mega-krogan, so thanks for dragging him home.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
[First comment when Shepard comes to talk to Joker after releasing Jack] Okay, Shepard, glad you're back, but keep an eye on that last one. We can only hold so much crazy.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
[First comment when Shepard comes to talk to Joker after recruiting Samara] So, Commander, even your asari are trained killers? You get everyone at the same store or something?

Jacob Taylor:
Commander. We've done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit. The docs corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell, he'll have full functionality, but...

[Garrus enters the room]

Garrus Vakarian:
Shepard.

Jacob Taylor:
Tough son of a b*tch. Didn't think he'd be up yet.

Garrus Vakarian:
Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?

Commander Shepard:
They did what they could, but you're going to have some scars. I'm sorry.

Garrus Vakarian:
Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of these women are Krogan.

Commander Shepard:
I assume everything is going well up here?

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
I really want a chance to put the Normandy through her paces. I just have to trim up the drive output and it'll be like we never lost her.

EDI:
Safety standards advise against manipulating drive settings while engines are powered and in use, Mr. Moreau.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
Commander, can we shut this thing off? I don't need it in my day-to-day.

Commander Shepard:
If you don't want to hear it, turn the damn sound off.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau:
That doesn't change anything. It's still watching. Like some creepy kid staring at the back of your head in comp sci. You just want to... punch him... but he's "special" and sets fires or something.

[When using Incinerate]

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Flammable! Or inflammable! Can't remember which! Doesn't matter!

Weyrloc Clanspeaker:
I am the speaker for Clan Weyrloc, offworlders. You have shed our blood. By rights, you should be dead already. But Weyrloc Guld, the Chief of Chiefs, has ordered that you be given leave to flee and spread the message of our coming.

Commander Shepard:
If I flee, I might trip over the dozen krogan I killed to get here. I think I'll take my chances.

Commander Shepard:
Would you like to talk about what happened with Tali?

Legion:
Unnecessary. Creator Tali'Zorah was afraid of us. Shepard-Commander is afraid of us. We understand. Organics do not choose to fear us. It is a function of your hardware.

Commander Shepard:
True. But I should be above that. I'm saying that I regret what happened. I have no reason to distrust you. You've been perfectly loyal to us all along.

Legion:
Our analysis of organic humor suggests an 87.3% chance that you expect us to respond with, "You are only human."

Commander Shepard:
It looks like this place has recovered from Sovereign's attack.

Avina:
Repair of the damage from the geth attack is ongoing. There is still extensive damage on Tayseri Ward.

Commander Shepard:
Geth? It was Sovereign who led the attack. A Reaper.

Avina:
I have no information on a "Reaper." References to this term exist in some para-historical theories on galactic extinction cycles.

Legion:
Social engineering. The Council blames the geth. Repeat the lie enough, they will not worry about the Reapers.

Charr:
[about Tuchanka] What did I tell you, honey? Isn't it beautiful? Far away from all that high-tech noise!

Ereba:
I guess. It seems a bit dirty, though...

Charr:
It builds character!

Ereba:
Is it just me, or do the other krogan not like me?

Charr:
There's some concern about me bringing in a non-krogan. I had to talk to the chief a little. It's not a deal.

Ereba:
Wait. So they don't even want me here?

Charr:
Who *cares* what they want? *I* want you. That's all that matters

Ereba:
I don't know if I can do this, Charr.

Charr:
Hey, now. My Blue Rose of Illium always stands strong to reach towards the sun!

Ereba:
Okay, I'll manage. Just no more poetry.

Commander Shepard:
The last time we talked, you started speaking about a past event as if you were watching it.

Thane Krios:
Drell have perfect memories. We can relive any moment in our life with perfect clarity. It's difficult to control at times. Some of us disappear into... well, let's call it "solipsism."

Commander Shepard:
What do you mean, solipsism?

Thane Krios:
When a memory feels as real as life, it's as valid as life. Thinking about a moment brings back the smell of cut grass, the warmth of another's hand on yours, the taste of another's tongue in your mouth. Wouldn't you rather lose yourself in such a memory then spend the night alone, staring at walls of metal and plastic?

Commander Shepard:
Isn't that a rather personal memory to talk about?

Thane Krios:
Forgive me. Lately I have spent a great deal of time reviewing my life. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

Commander Shepard:
Isn't there a risk that you could lose yourself in bad memories as well?

Thane Krios:
Of course. Remembering the times I've taken bullets is... unpleasant. But I can look at my knee and see it's not shattered. The memories that are hard to escape are those of despair.

Commander Shepard:
You can remember everything that happened in your life?

Thane Krios:
Nearly. I expect if we remembered the birth trauma, we'd never recover from it.

Miranda Lawson:
Shepard, having this incapacitated volus running around our battlefield could compromise us!

Jack:
Sh*t, you sound like a p*ssy.

Samara:
[just before snapping the neck of anuncooperative criminal] Find peace in the embrace of the Goddess.

EDI:
[EDI is realigning the colony's GARDIAN lasers, while Shepard is defending the transmitter tower, trying to stay alive against the Praetorian] We appreciate your patience. Please continue to hold.

Commander Shepard:
Have you got a minute to talk?

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Actually, wanted to talk. Medical matters. Aware that mission is dangerous, different species react differently to stress. Aware you come by a great deal. Have had other species become attracted to me before. Awkward. Not interested.

Commander Shepard:
You've had members of another species make a pass at you?

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Constantly. Very awkward. Skin tone apparently attractive by turian standards. Subset of Krogan sexual deviants enjoy Salarian flexibility. More cartilage in skeletal structure. Asari offers intriguing, actually. Wonder why. Trans-species pheromones unlikely to work. Must be neuro-chemical.

Commander Shepard:
I appreciate you letting me down easy.

Prof. Mordin Solus:
No offense intended. Salarian reproduction different. Very little sex drive. If intended to try Human, would try you. Glad you stopped by. Clear the air.

Commander Shepard:
So, the man cleaning the toilets is also preparing the meals?

Mess Sergeant Rupert Gardner:
Hey, I wash my hands... most of the time.

Captain Enyala:
[to Miranda] I was just waiting for you to finish getting dressed. Or does Cerberus really let you whore around in that outfit?

Jack:
I like her. Are we still recruiting?

Ereba:
Krogans live long lives. It's not like dating a human, where you just stick it out for a century until they die.

[Shepard glares at Ereba]

Ereba:
Uh, no offense.

Commander Shepard:
You know, for a bunch of cheap touristy crap, your prices are pretty high.

Deleia Sanassi:
I am sorry you feel that way. There are many stores on the Citadel. Perhaps another would be more in your price range.

Commander Shepard:
So you're saying I'm *poor*? Just because I'm not as well off as you doesn't mean you can hold yourself above me.

Deleia Sanassi:
What? No, I...

[Shepard walks outside of the store]

Commander Shepard:
[shouts] Hey! Everyone! This store discriminates against the poor!

Deleia Sanassi:
Please, calm down! As an apology, I'll let you have my station employee discount. Is that acceptable?

Commander Shepard:
Well, all right. But you still hurt my feelings.

Urdnot Wrex:
Now, Shepard. What brings you here? How's the Normandy?

Commander Shepard:
Destroyed in a Collector surprise attack. I ended up spaced.

Urdnot Wrex:
Well, you look good. Ah, the benefits of a redundant nervous system!

Commander Shepard:
Yeah, humans don't have that.

Urdnot Wrex:
Oh. It must have been painful, then.

Commander Shepard:
Have you got a minute to talk?

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Some other time. About to test new bio weapon. Not on us, of course. Didn't think I had to specify, but Joker got nervous.

Commander Shepard:
Have you got a minute to talk?

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Having trouble working between your interruptions and EDI's insistence that "insane" experiments endanger the entire crew. Hard to concentrate. Bad for morale.

Commander Shepard:
Have you got a minute to talk?

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Actually, wanted to talk. Medical Matters. Aware that mission is dangerous. Different species react differently to stress. Aware that you and Jack are sexually active. Or planning to be. Suggest caution. Emotionally unstable biotics dangerous during intercourse.

Commander Shepard:
I'm aware that Jack is dangerous, but I want to see where this goes.

Prof. Mordin Solus:
Of course. Hormones. Will be here to set broken bones later.

Sergeant Haron:
Sorry for the inconvenience, ma'am. Our scanners are picking up false readings. They seem to think you're, ah, dead.

Commander Shepard:
I was only mostly dead. Try finding that option on government paperwork.

Commander Shepard:
It's been awhile since I've passed through here. Security seems to have tightened a bit

C-Sec Customs:
After the Geth attack, there was a review of security protocol. A few minor changes were made to reduce the risk of Geth infiltration. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Legion:
Geth do not infiltrate.

C-Sec Customs:
You should leave your personal synthetic assistant at home. They're not allowed on public shuttles any more.

Legion:
Geth do not intentionally infiltrate.

“Can it wait for a bit? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.”

-Garrus Vakarian