Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

[At the doctor's office, after getting examined by the local doctor.]

Doctor:
Puss in Boots... how do I say this? You died. [blows out a candle]

Puss:
[devastated] Doctor... Please... [jovial] Relax! I am Puss in Boots! I laugh at death! [laughs] You see? And anyway, I am a cat. I have nine lives.

Doctor:
And how many times have you died already?

Puss:
Uh... I don't know. I never counted. I am not really a math guy, you know.

Doctor:
Gato.

Puss:
Take it easy, Doctor. Let's see, uh... There was the running of the bulls in Pamplona.

[Scene flashes how Puss lost his lives, starting in Pamplona where he is participating in the Running of the Bulls, only to stop to talk to a woman in the crowd.]

Puss:
Hola, señorita. Do you like gazpacho? [gets hit by a bull]

[Scene cuts to a "death" card with an illustration of Puss's hat with the number "1", indicating Puss had just lost his first life.]

[Next scene flashes to Puss's second life, in which he is playing poker and had cheated to win.]

Puss:
[laughing] I guess it's not your night, huh, fellas? [The scene zooms out to reveal that the other players are dogs who realised that Puss cheated and they attacked him]

[Scene then cuts to a second "death" card with an illustration of Puss's "winning" cards with bites marks and the number "2", indicating Puss had lost his second life, accompanied by the sounds of thumping and Puss yowling]

[Next scene flashes to Puss's third life, in which he is participating in the Oktoberfest celebration.]

Puss:
[slurring] I am telling you; a cat always lands on their feet. Watch. [scene zooms out to reveal that Puss is on the roof of a tall tower which he steps off]

[Scene then cuts to a third "death" card with an illustration of Puss's broken glass and the number "3", indicating Puss had lost his third life].

[Next scene flashes to Puss's fourth life, in which he is at the gym.]

Puss:
No. Puss in Boots doesn't need a spotter. Watch. [Puss attempts to lift a set of bench weights, only for the weights to fall onto him, crushing him.]

[Scene then cuts to a fourth "death" card with an illustration of Puss's boots sticking out from under the weights and the number "4", indicating Puss had lost his fourth life.]

[Next scene flashes to Puss's fifth life, in which he is in a cannon on a ship.]

Puss:
No need to pull into port, this will revolutionize travel. Watch. [cannon explodes with Puss inside]

[Scene cuts to a fifth "death" card with an illustration of Puss's smoldering hat, coming out of the cannon with the number "5", indicating Puss had lost his fifth life.]

'Next scene flashes to Puss's sixth life, in which he is at a restaurant, having a meal.]

Puss:
Uh, excuse me. Does this have shellfish in it? [Puss's face is shown to have swollen up, revealing having an allergic reaction to shellfish in which his meal has.]

Waitress:
Yes, sir.

Puss:
Meh. [goes back to eating to his meal]

[Scene cuts to the sounds of Puss groaning from anaphylaxis accompanied with a sixth "death" card with an illustration of Puss's meal and the number "6", indicating Puss had lost his sixth life.]

[Next scene flashes to Puss's seventh life, in which he is at a bakery, attempting to make some gingerbread with Gingy.]

Gingy:
Puss, I think you've set the oven too high.

Puss:
I am the Master of the baking. Watch. [opens the oven door and gets blasted by the flames from the oven, with Gingy jumping clear of the flames]

[Scene cuts to a seventh "death" card with the illustration of the number "7" smoldering, indicating Puss has lost his seventh life.]

Puss:
And then, there was the giant today.

[Scene cuts to an eighth "death" card with an illustration of a giant bell and the number "8", followed by the sound of the bell, indicating Puss has lost his eighth life.]

[Cuts back to the doctor's office.]

Puss:
So what is that. Like, uh, uh, 4?

Doctor:
That makes 8, Puss. You are down to your last life.

[After visiting the Doctor's office, Puss goes to the bar; where he meets a mysterious Bounty Hunter (Death)]

Bounty Hunter (Death):
[whistles; Puss looks at him] Well, well. If it isn't Puss in Boots himself. [chuckles] In the flesh.

Puss:
Uh, hey.

Bounty Hunter (Death):
There is the famous hat, the feather and, of course, the boots. My compliments to your cobbler. [chuckles]

Puss:
Thanks. Uh, good to meet you, too. [moves his chair]

Bounty Hunter (Death):
Hey, I never do this, but can I get your autograph? Been following you for a long time. Sign right there... [Points to the word "dead" on Puss's "Wanted" paper]

Puss:
[laughs] Puss in Boots laughs in the face of death, Bounty Hunter.

Bounty Hunter (Death):
So I've heard...

Puss:
You will find your reward does not come easily. This I tell you. [shows his sword under the cloak]

Bounty Hunter (Death):
[rolls his eyes and then takes the bottle and pours something into his glass] Everyone thinks they'll be the one to defeat me... But no one's escaped me yet.

Puss:
Ah... All right [crunches his neck] Let's get it over with. FEAR ME, IF YOU DA-- [Wolf knocks sword from Puss's hands]

[Scene in the carriage after Horner Heist]

[Puss and Kitty each want to take the map for themselves]

Kitty:
[pulls out her sword] Suéltalo! [Translation: Let it go!]

Puss:
[pulls out a stick] You let go!

Kitty:
A stick? [chuckles] What happened to your sword?

Puss:
Got rid of it, you know. Made things too easy. I needed a challenge.

Kitty:
Yeah, you looked pretty challenged back there. [Implies Horner Heist]

Puss:
[chuckles] There's no way I'm letting you hold the map!

Kitty:
Well, there's no way I'm letting you hold the map!

Perrito:
I can hold it.

[They look at him sharply and hold sword (and a stick) on him]

Kitty:
Yeah, right. What's your deal, anyway? You run with the Chihuahua Gang?

Perrito:
I don't think so.

Kitty:
I don't believe you! [holds sword on him]

Perrito:
That's okay. As long as you believe in yourself.

Kitty:
Wha--? [Shocked] Is he deranged?!

Puss:
Yep...

Kitty:
What's your name?

Perrito:
Oh, I've been called all kinds of things. Dog, Bad Dog, Stupid Dog. Hey you! You there! Get out! Leave it! Drop it! Big Rat, Small Pig, Rat Face, Butt Nugget, [Puss and Kitty look to each other with bewilderment] dog for brains. You know that sort of thing. But... I've never had a name that really stuck, you know? That belonged to me.

[Puss and Kitty are shocked]

Puss:
Is he done?

Perrito:
And you are? [Holds out his hand]

Kitty:
Softpaws. [Hits him on the hand] Kitty Softpaws.

Perrito:
Wow. Yeah. Now, that's a good name. There's music in a name like that. Kitty Softpaws

Kitty:
Nice try. Classic con. No one's that dumb! No one's that nice! I don't trust you!

Puss:
Me neither. He cannot be trusted. [trying to take the map unnoticed]

Kitty:
But... [pulls the map towards her and holds her sword on Puss] I trust him more than I trust you!

[Kitty presses a button, elongating the sword. Puss gets scared.]

[They walk trough pocket Full of Posies in the Dark forest]

Kitty:
Why are you so ridiculous, dog? What's your story?

Perrito:
My story? Oh, it's actually very funny story. Back when I was a pup, me and my littermates lived with a family, a family full of pranksters, who liked to play hide-and-seek and I was always it! "Pick on the little guy", am I right? [smells rose] They tried putting me in a packing crate, a dumpster. [Chuckles] No matter how hard they tried, I'd always find them! So, one day, they get creative and they put me in a sock, with the rock in it! [Laughs] And then throw me in a river! I gnawed a hole in the sock and I swam to the surface!

[Perrito laughs and rolls on the ground while Puss and Kitty look to each other with shock]

Perrito:
Never found them or my littermates, so I guess I'm still it! [Laughs]

Kitty:
Wow, that is the saddest funny story I've ever heard.

Perrito:
Well, jokes's on them. That sock they put me in, I grew into it! So, I got a great story and a free sweater out of it! Win! Win!

Kitty:
Dude, you didn't win! You of all people should have a wish.

Perrito:
I already have a comfy sweater and two best friends. I got everything I could wish for. No magic required. [smiles]

Ethical Bug:
You're not gonna shoot a puppy, are you Jack?

Jack:
Yeah, in the face, why?

[They are sailing on a boat on the River of relaxation]

Kitty:
[makes cute eyes and says with echo] Trust me.

Perrito:
Aw. But of course I trust you and Puss, even without the eyes.

Kitty:
Yeah? Big mistake.

Perrito:
What do you mean? You're my friends.

Kitty:
You know what trust gets you? A sock, a rock and a swim in the river.

Perrito:
You have to trust somebody, right?

Kitty:
Not me. Uh-uh. Whenever I've let my guard down, I've been double-crossed, declawed, played and betrayed. [looks at Puss] Never again. I am a solo act. I keep my secrets, and I play my cards close. That's how you get a winning hand. Take it from me. Never trust anyone. [shows him his sweater]

Perrito:
W-Wait. [understands that it's his sweater] That's amazing. [gasps] You're good.

Puss:
Kitty, I've been thinking.

Kitty:
Ugh... Thinking about what?

Puss:
My beautiful beard. It is very distinguished, yes, but it does deprive the world to a good look at, uh, the face. So, if it will make you happy, I could convinced to...

Kitty:
I've gotten used to it.

Puss:
Wait, what?

Kitty:
The beard, keep it.

Puss:
Well, you see, uh... [rolls on the boat and cries in pain] Kitty, please! Get this itchy thing off of me! It's like a fever on my face!

Kitty:
Hold on. Is the great Puss in Boots asking for a help?

Puss:
Sí, help. [Tries to cut it with his stick] You were right. The beard is disgusting.

Kitty:
And?

Puss:
And it's like a possum crawled on my face.

Kitty:
And?

Puss:
And died..of shame.

Kitty:
Okay, okay, possum face. I won't make you beg.

Puss:
Ow! [grunts] Hey, slow down. Oh! Go with the grain. You got to go with the grain.

Kitty:
I know what I'm doing.

Puss:
Hey!

Kitty:
I'm a master of the blade. Right, Perrito? [She made a pigtail out of his beard. Perrito laughs and snorts]

Puss:
What?! What?! What's funny? Nothing should be funny!

Kitty:
Shh. Quieto. [Still]

[After Puss's panic atack]

Perrito:
What's going on with you, Puss?

Puss:
I-- I am down to my last life. And, uh, I-- I am afraid.

Perrito:
Well, it's okay... to be afraid.

Puss:
No, not for Puss in Boots! I'm supposed to be a fearless hero! A legend! But... without lives to spare, I am... nothing. I need that with to get my lives back.

Perrito:
You should tell Kitty. She would understand...

Puss:
[closes Perrito's mouth] No, no, no, no. She cannot hear of this...

Perrito:
Okay...

Kitty:
[searching in the Dark Forest] ¿Adónde fueron ese idiota y su perro? [Where did that idiot and his dog go?]

Puss:
[audible to Kitty] Kitty will never trust me again. Not after Santa Coloma.

Perrito:
But that's just one bad heist!

Puss:
Santa Coloma wasn't a heist, Perrito. It was a church, with a priest... [Scene flashes to how Puss is looking at the church from breakage] and guests... and Kitty. Everything, but me... I ran away then too.

Perrito:
Oh... Ooh... [gasps] OOOOH! [shocked] You left her at the altar?!

Puss:
It was wrong, I know. I am ashamed. [Kitty continues on secretly listening to the conversation] I just wish I hadn't hurt her so badly. I regret that day...

Perrito:
So, maybe you should tell that to Kitty. Might make you feel better. Might make her feel better too.

[After three bears and goldilocks' home it shows Puss and Kitty on the tree. Puss almost falls out of the tree, but his claws caught on the tree]

Kitty:
You okay?

Puss:
Sí, I am good. [chuckling] So good.

[Puss is almost falls out again, but Kitty catches him]

Kitty:
If you wanted to hold my hand, all you had to do is ask.

Puss:
Uh, just, uh, feel free to pull me up whenever you get a chance.

Kitty:
Oh, I was just remembering the last time I offered you my hand. Only, that time, I believe you had cold feet.

[Puss chuckles and Kitty pulls him up]

Puss:
Kitty… [sighs] About that day. Puss in Boots is not supposed to be afraid. But outside that church in Santa Coloma, that was the first time I ever felt fear. So I ran. It was a mistake, Kitty.

Kitty:
It's okay.

Puss:
No, no. It was cowardly.

Kitty:
It's okay.

Puss:
You alone at the altar.

Kitty:
Puss.

Puss:
In your beautiful, poofy wedding dress.

Kitty:
Puss! It's okay. I didn't show up, either.

Puss:
Wait, what? What do you mean, you didn't show up?

Kitty:
Well, I knew I could never compete with your one true love.

Puss:
Who?

Kitty:
[lowers his hat on his face] Yourself! The legend...

Puss:
Uh…

Kitty:
I wasn't gonna show up for that guy. [lifts Puss's hat] But you don't seem like that guy anymore. [wears his hat on]

[Camera zooms out, revealing Big Jack Horner watching the two from his crystal ball.]

Jack:
What do you think, bug? Do I wait for the cats to steal the map and kill them, or do I just kill everybody all at once?

The Ethical Bug:
You know, I'm starting to think you don't appreciate the value of a life.

Jack:
[confused] What? No! I mean I love these guys.

[The camera cuts to Jack walking on the backs of his Baker's Dozen, who have constructed into a human bridge.]

Jack:
Flex the glutes. I need a solid surface!

Bug:
[to himself] There's good in all people. There's good in all people... [to Jack] You know, Jack, maybe we need to dig a little deeper. Tell me about your childhood.

Jack:
[sighs] You know, I never had much as a kid. Just loving parents, stability, and a mansion, and a thriving baked-goods enterprise for me to inherit. Useless crap like that. [Bug facepalms] But once I get my wish, I'll finally have the one thing that will make me happy!

Bug:
Oh, and what's that?

Jack:
All of the magic in the world. For me. And no one else gets any. [As he says this, his crystal ball shows him standing above the earth, with purple lightning coming from his hands. The bug watches in shock.] Is that so much?

Bug:
YES!!

Jack:
Agree to disagree. [looks at the remaining baker, pulling the chariot.] All right, bring it over.

[Near the end of the human bridge, the chariot falls, killing the majority of the Baker's Dozen. One remaining member survives, clutching the edge of the cliff.]

Baker:
Help!

Bug:
Sweet Mother of Goose, Jack!

Jack:
[nonchalantly] Well, you know what they say: "Can't bake a pie without losing a dozen men." [chuckles]

Bug:
Oh! Oh! That was horrible! Your wish is horrible! YOU'RE HORRIBLE! You're an irredeemable MONSTER!

Jack:
[mockingly] Ohh, ohh! What took you so long, IDIOT?!

[Jack flicks the bug off his shoulder, sending him flying. He dusts his shoulder, then sighs.]

Jack:
[To the remaining baker] You're not chatty, are you?

Baker:
[terrified] Mm-mm.

Puss:
You know what?! You guys are jerks! Which is very conflicting for me! I'll find my own way out! Adios! [turns to leave]

Puss's Fifth Life:
Oh, you think you are better than us?! Without us, you will always live a life of...

Death:
[enters the scene] Fear.

Puss:
[shocked] You?

Death:
I do love the smell of fear. It's intoxicating.

Puss's Third Life:
[hiccups] It is?

Death:
Sorry to crash the party with your past lives, or your past deaths, as I like to call them. I was there to witness all of them. Each. Frivolous. End. But you didn't even notice me, because "Puss in Boots laughs in the face of death", right? But you're not laughing now.

Puss:
You are no bounty hunter. You are...

Death:
Death. And I don't mean it metaphorically, or rhetorically, or poetically, or theoretically, or in any other fancy way. I'm Death, straight up. And I've come for you, Puss in Boots.

Puss:
But... I'm still alive!

Death:
[chuckles] You know... I'm not a cat person. I find the very idea of nine lives absurd. And you didn't value any of them. So, why don't I do us both a favor and take this last one now?

Puss's Second Life:
That's cheating!

Death:
Shh, don't tell.

Puss's Seventh Life:
Run, Puss in Boots! Make the wish!

[Puss shrieks and starts running]

Death:
Go ahead, run for it. Makes it more fun for me. [growls, starts chasing Puss]

Baby Bear:
[angry at Goldi] So what is it?! Eh?! What's your 'just right'?! What's so blasted important that you've got us STRANDED IN THIS HAUNTED FOREST?!?!?!

Goldi:
[emotionally] I'M GETTING A FAMILY! THAT'S WHAT! A proper family! And everything will be just right.

Baby Bear:
[sits down] Your “just right” is getting rid of us?

Papa Bear:
Well, I guess some people just stick around until the porridge is gone, eh, Goldi?

[Puss runs after meeting with Death and arrives to the wishing star]

[Puss reads the map; Kitty comes]

Puss:
Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish…

Kitty:
I can't believe I fell for it again.

Puss:
Kitty, you don't understand.

Kitty:
Don't understand what? That you've been playing me this whole time?

Puss:
I need this wish.

Kitty:
Oh, yeah? You want to know what my wish was? Someone, anyone I could trust. [takes the map away from him]

Puss:
Hey!

Kitty:
In my whole life, I've never had that! But I thought I finally found that someone... without a wish. [lowers her sword] I thought it was you. But you're still running. Still the same old Puss in Boots.

Puss:
But I am not! I am not Puss in Boots. I'm… [sighs] I am on my last life. I need to get my lives back. Without them, I am not… I-- I am not…

Kitty:
What? The legend? [chuckles] I still can't compete with your one, true love. Go on, [throws the map] get your lives back. [grunts] Just keep them out of mine.

Puss:
[whimpering] KITTY, DEATH IS AFTER ME!

Kitty:
What?

[Jack Horner enters the scene.]

Jack:
I've been called a lot of things...

[He leaps down, pulling his magic staff out of his bag.]

Jack:
But never death. I like it! That's MY wish!

[After the fight with the crime family and Jack]

Perrito:
Yeah, I don't know what to do with this, but if you think you need those lives…

Puss:
Thank you, Perrito.

Perrito:
You know, I've only ever had one life, but sharing it with you and Kitty has made it pretty special. Maybe one life is enough.

[Death is heard whistling; Puss gasps in reaction.]

Papa Bear:
Huh? What is that?

[whistling continues]

Perrito:
Who's that?

[Death strolls onto the star]

Puss:
He's here for me.

[Death traps Puss in a ring of fire]

Kitty:
Puss!

Death:
I've enjoyed the chase, gato, but I think we've reached the end now, you and I. You gonna take the coward's way out? Run away to more lives? Or are you gonna fight?! [throws his sword] Pick it up. Go on, pick it up. [Puss's life flashes before his eyes] What's the matter? Lives flashing before your eyes?

Puss:
[Raises his head] No. Just one. I'm done running. [Picks up his sword] FEAR ME, IF YOU DARE!

Death:
[chuckles] This is gonna be fun...!

[After fight with Death]

Puss:
[Pushes his sickle with his foot and he slides towards him] Pick it up. [sighs] I know I can never defeat you, Lobo, but I will never stop fighting for this life.

Death:
[growls viciously and turns away, yelling in frustration] ¡¿POR QUÉ DIABLOS FUI A JUGAR CON MI COMIDA!? [WHY THE HELL DID I GO PLAY WITH MY FOOD?!] [groans] You're ruining this for me! I came here for an arrogant little legend who thought he was immortal. [sighs] But I don't see him anymore. [Puss gasps softly] Live your life, Puss in Boots. Live it well. You know we will meet again, right?

Puss:
Sí. Hasta la muerte. [Yes. Until death.]

[Death whistles as he walks away and the fire disappears. Perrito runs to Puss.]

Kitty:
You know, when you said Death was after you, I thought you were just being melodramatic.

Puss:
[holds out the map] The wish is yours. You deserve someone you can trust.

Kitty:
I don't need it. I've got what I wished for. No magic required. [Puss smiles]

[After the explosion of the star]

Kitty:
I hate to say it, but should we make a wish?

Puss:
Kitty, one life spent with you is all that I could wish for.

Baby Bear:
[crying] You saved my life, Sis. You was gonna make the wish, but you didn't make the wish 'cause you wanted to save your family. [shushing] And I-- I was really scared. And then… [sobbing]

Goldi:
Oi, don't get so blubbery about it. Whose porridge would I eat otherwise?

Mama Bear:
I'm sorry you didn't get your wish, Goldi, love.

Goldi:
But I did, Mama. I did get my wish. Everything… is just right.

Mama Bear:
Ah. Oh, now you've made me cry. Aw.

Goldi:
Now, what say we all go home and hibernate?

Papa Bear:
Hey, Goldi, you are a chip off the old block, you are.

Goldi:
Well, what can I say? I won the orphan lottery. [looks at Perrito]

Perrito:
[winks] Softpaws, Boots.

Puss:
Goldi.

Kitty:
Bears.

Goldi:
Hey, Baby, you got any ideas for our next job?

Baby Bear:
Oh! Remember that pie factory? I suspect that they might be experiencing a leadership vacuum.

Mama Bear:
Oh, family business. Oh, how exciting.

Bug:
Now's a good time to talk about ethical business practices.

Baby Bear:
[screams] THERE'S A TALKING COCKROACH ON MY NOSE! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!

Goldi:
Hold still.

Bug:
Oh, no, no, wait just a second. [Goldi grunts]

Baby Bear:
Ow! Hey! Hang on!

Puss:
Hey, Perrito, about that name. Let's pick one out for you.

Kitty:
Yeah. Oh, what about “Chiquito”?

Perrito:
Hmm…

Puss:
Ah. “Chomper.” What do you think, Perrito? “Chomper,” no?

Kitty:
I got it, I got it. How about “Jeff”?

Puss:
Jeff?

Kitty:
Yeah.

Puss:
He doesn't have a Jeff's face.

Perrito:
[chuckling] You know, if it's the same to you, I think I'll just stick with “Perrito.” I kind of like it, since that's what my friends call me.

Kitty:
Then “Perrito” it shall be.

Puss:
[chuckles softly] You know, to be honest, “Chomper” is pretty good.

Perrito:
Yeah, but no.

Puss:
Well, we'll keep, uh, workshopping it. [chuckles]

Puss:
Welcome to my fiesta! Make yourselves at home, yeah! Come on, eat. Drink up.

Puss:
People of Cordova! [The Woman in the crowd: It's Delmar!] People of Delmar!

Puss:
Okay, okay, one more number. I call this one "The Legend Will Never Di--" [bell falls on him and kills him]

Puss:
[repeated line] FEAR ME, IF YOU DARE!

Puss:
[Perrito: Wanna rub my belly?] Hard pass.

Puss:
[Puss's past life: Puss in Boots walks alone!] Yeah, Puss in Boots walks alone... Was the legend so big, there was no room for anyone else?

Puss:
[to his past lives] You know what?! You guys are jerks! Which is very conflicting for me! I'll find my own way out! Adiós!

Puss:
[Kitty: I hate to say it, but should we make a wish?] Kitty, one life spent with you is all that I could wish for.

Kitty:
When you only have one life, that's what makes it special.

Kitty:
It just never fails. Whenever I team up with you, things go wrong!

Kitty:
You know what trust gets you? A sock, a rock and a swim in the river.

Kitty:
Whenever I've let my guard down, I've been double-crossed, declawed, played and betrayed.

Kitty:
Take it from me. Never trust anyone!

Kitty:
¡LOS VOY HACER A TODOS ALFOMBRAS DE BAÑO![I'm going to make bath-mats out of all of you!]

Perrito:
Full disclosure, I'm not a cat, I'm a dog.

Perrito:
I'm in the mix now! OK, OK, here we go! You’re all a bunch of knuckle-dragging, honey-scrounging, grub [bleep], oafish [double bleep] munching, mangy [bleep] nugget, [long bleep], and your snooter! [laughs]

Perrito:
My home is where my friends are.

Perrito:
Wanna rub my belly?

Goldilocks:
Is that a joke? You think this scruffy, geriatric bag of bones looks like a legend? This is definitely not…

Goldilocks:
Too hard! That was not JUST RIGHT!

Big Jack Horner:
Little Jack Horner didn't have any magic. He was a pathetic, buttered baker's boy. Little Jack's dead! I'm Big Jack Horner!

Big Jack Horner:
Assemble the Baker's Dozen.

Big Jack Horner:
I'll take this! And that! Ooh, and these! One of those! And I gotta take that! Yes! Yes! No. Yes! Oh, yeah! [hums as he picks up a cookie and a magic potion with labels reading "Eat Me" and "Drink Me"] All of these! Hahahaha! This one is right. [bowls a glass sphere into the bag]

Big Jack Horner:
Behold! [the sword is stuck] Excalibur! Yeah, I couldn't get this rock off of it. But still pretty cool, right?

Big Jack Horner:
You know, I never had much as a kid. Just loving parents, and stability, and a mansion, and a thriving baked goods enterprise for me to inherit. Useless crap like that. [the Ethical Bug facepalms]

Big Jack Horner:
[emerging from his bag as a giant] I was worried for a second I would come out naked, but my clothes grew too! Cool!

Big Jack Horner:
[last words] WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?! [as everyone glares at him] I MEAN, WHAT SPECIFICALLY?!

The Wolf / Death:
Well, well. If it isn't Puss in Boots himself. [chuckles] In the flesh.

The Wolf / Death:
I just LOVE the smell of FEAR!

The Wolf / Death:
Sorry to crush the party with your past lives, or your past deaths, as I like to call them.

The Wolf / Death:
¿¡POR QUÉ DIABLOS FUI A JUGAR CON MI COMIDA!?[WHY THE HELL DID I GO PLAY WITH MY FOOD?!]

The Wolf / Death:
Hey, I never do this, but... can I get your autograph? Been following you for a long time. Sign right there.

The Wolf / Death:
And I don't mean it metaphorically or rhetorically or poetically or theoretically or in any other fancy way. I'm Death, straight up. And I've come for you, Puss in Boots.

The Wolf / Death:
You know... I'm not a cat person. I find the very idea of nine lives absurd. And you didn't value any of them. So, why don't I do us both a favor and take this last one now?

The Wolf / Death:
You know we will meet again, right?

Ethical Bug:
You looking for something? Consider this my resignation, mister!

Ethical Bug:
Oh! Oh! That was horrible! Your wish is horrible! YOU'RE HORRIBLE! You're an irredeemable MONSTER!

Ethical Bug:
Well,I'm your conscious. I help you make choices and stuff.

Ethical Bug:
I-i-I'm not a magic locus, I'm not a locus at all!