Suits

Louis Litt:
You just got Litt up!

Harvey Specter:
I don't pave the way for people, people pave the way for me.

Harvey Specter:
Get your tux on. We got a situation.

Mike Ross:
Uh, a situation that requires a tux? Where, where is this tuxedo situation?

Harvey Specter:
Atlantic City. Can you get dressed now?

Mike Ross:
Uh, yeah I could.

Harvey Specter:
But?

Mike Ross:
I don't have a tux. [Harvey makes a face] I'm not Bruce Wayne.

Harvey Specter:
Don't I know it.

Harvey Specter:
Something told me you'd need it, and by something, I mean common sense. And by need it, I mean you're an idiot.

Mike Ross:
You didn't tell me you were bringing me here.

Harvey Specter:
And that's a problem how?

Mike Ross:
I'm sort of banned from here.

Harvey Specter:
For smoking weed?

Mike Ross:
Counting cards. I mean I was smoking weed, but they banned me for counting cards. My brain just does it. I can't help that it keeps track!

Harvey Specter:
And that's your defense?

Mike Ross:
It was three years ago! I was broke.

Harvey Specter:
Which is it, your brain just does it or you were broke?

Mike Ross:
What are you, some kind of lawyer?

Harvey Specter:
Get inside! You're wearing a tux, they're not gonna know who you are.

Harvey Specter:
You think this happens if you walk in here in a t-shirt and jeans?

Harvey Specter:
What happened with Judge Fullman?

Jessica Pearson:
There might be a slight problem.

Harvey Specter:
What did you do?

Jessica Pearson:
Why do you assume I did something?

Harvey Specter:
What did you do?

Jessica Pearson:
There was a prank.

Harvey Specter:
How bad was it?

Jessica Pearson:
We went to law school together and I got her drunk.

Harvey Specter:
So?

Jessica Pearson:
She woke up in front of the entire econ law class.

Harvey Specter:
That's recoverable.

Jessica Pearson:
She might have been naked.

Harvey Specter:
Might have?

Jessica Pearson:
Was.

Harvey Specter:
We're screwed.

Jessica Pearson:
Come on, Harvey. She was uptight, I just straightened her out. That's what you do with uptight people.

Harvey Specter:
Well why didn't you ever do that to Louis.

Jessica Pearson:
I did.

Harvey Specter:
That was you? He blamed me.

Jessica Pearson:
You can be uptight sometimes too. That's why I let him think it was you.

Harvey Specter:
Told him it was me.

Jessica Pearson:
That's what I said.

Harvey Specter:
That's okay, I deserved it.

Jessica Pearson:
What?

Harvey Specter:
You remember when he was so mad that his cat peed in the corner of his office?

Jessica Pearson:
Mhmm.

Harvey Specter:
That wasn't his cat.

Jessica Pearson:
No. No, I'm here same as everyone else, to contribute to your re-election campaign. Actually, I already did. Pearson Hardman is now a platinum-level donor. Go Fullman!

Ella Fullman:
I know what you're doing.

Jessica Pearson:
Of course, you don't have to disclose this, and neither do we. But I am of the opinion that elections are about truth, and truth requires openness.

Ella Fullman:
You think you can get me to recuse by implying conflict of interest?

Jessica Pearson:
You know I hadn't thought of that.

Ella Fullman:
I'll simply return the money.

Jessica Pearson:
That is certainly your prerogative. But it could look like you took money for favors and then got scared. No one forced liquor down your throat, Ella. You got drunk, we played a bad joke, but that was a long time ago. You know a man's reputation is at stake, and I'm not joking with you now.

Ella Fullman:
That was a good speech. Got me right here. The only thing is you said "we played a joke." There was no "we," it was you. You targeted me.

Jessica Pearson:
What do you want me to say? I was young. I was stupid. And I'm sorry.

Ella Fullman:
You were young and smart. And I don't believe you were sorry for a second, because it was no accident that the classroom you chose belonged to the professor who was conducting the interviews for the job we both wanted.

Jessica Pearson:
I had no idea.

Ella Fullman:
You sabotaged me.

Jessica Pearson:
There were dozens of applicants.

Ella Fullman:
No, we both know it was you or me.

Jessica Pearson:
I didn't know that he...

Ella Fullman:
Objection. Bullshit.

Jessica Pearson:
What do you want, Ella?

Ella Fullman:
I want to recuse myself. On one condition- admit you know what you did.

Jessica Pearson:
I wanted that job. I know what I did. I'm not sorry I did it. And I'd do it again.

Harvey Specter:
We have three choices here [counts on fingers] We move forward with the suit, lose-lose. We can give you your money back, plus the five hundred thousand. Or you and I can play poker for it. [flips Walsh off] And I'm not giving you your money back.

Harvey Specter:
Pick a card in your mind. Any card.

Mike Ross:
What, okay, what now are you gonna tell me what the card is?

Harvey Specter:
I'm going to tell you what it isn't. It's not one of the fifty-two cards in the deck. Because you think you're smarter than me, it's a baseball card or football card. Or it's the joker. I told you this before and I'm going to tell you again, I don't play the odds, I play the man.

Mike Ross:
Well let me tell you one thing.

Harvey Specter:
What?

Mike Ross:
Louis bugged your office. He heard our whole conversation about Tanner's lawsuit and he ran and he told Hardman.

Harvey Specter:
There's gonna come a day, Louis, when I need something from you. And when I do, you're gonna remember that I let this pass. Daniel Hardman is not the answer. You owe me.

Thomas Walsh:
'Cause this isn't Sunday afternoon bridge with your grandma.

Mike Ross:
I don't see how that's an insult to a person.

Louis Litt:
I need a list of everything that's wrong with the rehearsal space. For example, the creaky floorboards, they're affecting certain dancers' attitudes.

Harold Gunderson:
Oh, they shouldn't let that get them down.

Rachel Zane:
"Attitude" is a pose.

Harold Gunderson:
Oh, yeah, like striking an attitude. Whatever, I do that all the time.

Louis Litt:
Okay. I also need a list of the ballet company principals.

Harold Gunderson:
Okay, um, integrity, fidelity, patriotism...

Rachel Zane:
Not that kind of principle.

Louis Litt:
[to Harold] Okay, we're done.

Harold Gunderson:
How am I supposed to know?

Louis Litt:
Rachel, you've just been drafted.

Harold Gunderson:
Oh, but she's not even a...

Louis Litt:
Not what? She's not what, Harold? Ms. Zane not only knows more about ballet than you do, she also knows more about law.

Harold Gunderson:
[Talking to Rachael] What is it about ballet? I just- I don't get it, you know? There's no words, there's no story, there's no action. It's just all [jumps] and [jumps] and like [jumps in the air waving, his arms as Louis approaches behind him] I don't... [Rachel clears throat] Please tell me that Louis isn't behind me.

Louis Litt:
Louis isn't behind you. Hi.

Harold Gunderson:
[Nervous] Hi.

Louis Litt:
Penelope Cruz, Zoe Saldana, Audrey Hepburn, what do they all have in common?

Harold Gunderson:
They're all hot?

Louis Litt:
No, dumbass. They all owe their success to ballet because it gives them discipline and grace, it embodies our emotions, it's breathtaking in its beauty, and most importantly, it expresses what cannot be put into words. You want to get ahead here, Harold? Take ballet, because right now, the only thing that's breathtaking about you can easily be put into words: nothing. Now relev? your ass back to work.

Harvey Specter:
Is this your famous grandmother?

Edith Ross:
You were right, he is sharp!

Mike Ross:
Ha! What are you doing here?

Edith Ross:
Mr. Specter, pleasure to meet you.

Harvey Specter:
Your grandson says nice things about you.

Edith Ross:
Well, he tells me you're quite the hardass.

Mike Ross:
Can be a hardass.

Edith Ross:
Hardass isn't really the word he uses.

Mike Ross:
'Kay, Grammy!

Harvey Specter:
I see lip runs in the family. Nice meeting you.

Jessica Pearson:
I put you out once. When I beat you this time, they're going to have to peel you off the wall.

Daniel Hardman:
It's nice to see you doing your own dirty work for a change. Unfortunately, this time you can't have Harvey threaten to tell my dying wife or my teenaged daughter about my indiscretions. You didn't even know about Sara, did you?

Jessica Pearson:
He did what I told him to do.

Daniel Hardman:
No, you can't even control your own attack dog. Well get this, I wasn't even planning on coming back after Alicia died. Then you sent him and I had no choice.

Jessica Pearson:
Bullshit. You do what you want to do. You always have, and you always will.

Daniel Hardman:
Well, water under the bridge. We are where we are. And I like where I am. And we'll see who peels whom off the wall.

Louis Litt:
Season pass, Lincoln Center, front row. Every show.

Donna Paulsen:
Really?

Louis Litt:
Yeah!

Donna Paulsen:
Do I have to go with you?

Louis Litt:
Hell no!

Donna Paulsen:
Thank you, Louis.

Louis Litt:
You are welcome. God, could this day get any better?

Donna Paulsen:
Daniel just made Louis senior partner.

Jessica Pearson:
How do you know?

Donna Paulsen:
Four years ago, Norma told me that Louis had a suit picked out for the day he made senior partner. He is wearing it.

Jessica Pearson:
Son of a b*tch, Hardman bought another vote.

Donna Paulsen:
What are you going to do?

Jessica Pearson:
Get it back.

Jessica Pearson:
You got Hanson that job at Justice.

Daniel Hardman:
A loss for us, but a gain for Justice, don't you think?

Jessica Pearson:
And making Louis Litt senior partner behind my back. Is that all part of the new Daniel Hardman era of transparency?

Daniel Hardman:
It was within my rights according to the bylaws you wrote.

Jessica Pearson:
Ah, yes. And how much did buying his vote cost you?

Daniel Hardman:
Cost me? It was earned years ago. And your failure to promote him is a perfect example of how your judgment harmed this firm.

Jessica Pearson:
My judgment, and my discretion, are the only reasons your ass didn't end up in jail five years ago.

Daniel Hardman:
It wasn't discretion, it was self interest! You ousted me and got the firm.

Jessica Pearson:
I saved you and got the firm.

Daniel Hardman:
You did. But you didn't steal the ball from me five years ago, I dropped it. My lieutenant was all you were ever meant to be.

Harvey Specter:
You gotta be kidding me. Louis is going to be the deciding vote.

Jessica Pearson:
And he better vote for me.

Harvey Specter:
No.

Jessica Pearson:
Yes.

Harvey Specter:
No.

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, this is your chance to prove you learned something from that mess you made with Paul Porter.

Harvey Specter:
I have nothing to offer him.

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, you treat that man like sh*t. At every turn, you are the thorn in his side. It is time that you pull that thorn out.

Mike Ross:
Oh, I may be a little boy, but I'm not a stupid little boy.

Rachel Zane:
You're a sneaky little boy.

Mike Ross:
How is Louis? What did he wear? Did you get any?

Harvey Specter:
He shut me down.

Harvey Specter:
I couldn't close him.

Jessica Pearson:
Are you trying to tell me that you couldn't be nice to Louis even for this?

Harvey Specter:
No, I'm not. You said I'm the thorn in his side, and I tried to take it out. But you're the one who's had what he wants all these years and didn't give it to him.

Jessica Pearson:
Senior partnership.

Harvey Specter:
You need to tell him that he deserves it.

Jessica Pearson:
That's what I sent you to do.

Harvey Specter:
He needs to hear it from you.

Jessica Pearson:
You know I sent you to do this one thing, and you can't-. Fine, I'll talk to him.

Harvey Specter:
Wait a minute. You know him. You knew this. This is where it always ended up.

Jessica Pearson:
You got me.

Harvey Specter:
Why would you send me first?

Jessica Pearson:
Because if Louis didn't have to work to get me there, he wouldn't believe me when I went.

Harvey Specter:
You're playing chess while everybody else is playing checkers.

Jessica Pearson:
And you're just getting that, Mr. I'm The Best Closer This City's Ever Seen?

Louis Litt:
I'm presenting my partnership buy-in check to you in your current capacity of managing partner.

Jessica Pearson:
Current?

Louis Litt:
Oh is that your cryptic way of asking about my vote? You kept me waiting five years. You can wait another 24 hours.

Edith Ross:
[to Mike] Fine, just let me meet this Harold-clown and I'll go.

Harvey Specter:
We have breakfast at Nougatine and an excursion to Hermes that may or may not involve a new handbag.

Donna Paulsen:
You've been needing a new handbag.

Harvey Specter:
You can never have too many handbags.

Donna Paulsen:
You're a woman after my own heart. Harvey, why are you doing this?

Harvey Specter:
Donna, we've all been through a lot. We deserve a little celebration.

Donna Paulsen:
Well, in that case, you have had it pretty rough. We're gonna need to get you more than one handbag.

Jessica Pearson:
Louis was just suggesting that he run the negotiations.

Harvey Specter:
Louis also suggested the firm adopt a badger as a mascot.

Louis Litt:
The badger is a noble and fearsome creature, but that's not the point. I can beat them.

Harvey Specter:
And the Washington Generals think they can beat the Globetrotters, but they're not even in the same league

Louis Litt:
My father played for the Washington Generals.

Harvey Specter:
See?

Jessica Pearson:
You can't do that anymore.

Harvey Specter:
You mean make fun of Louis? It's one of life's great pleasures.

Jessica Pearson:
When the two of you were colleagues, that's fair game, but you're a name partner now, and you have to show him some respect.

Harvey Specter:
I am showing him respect. I'm being dismissive to his face.

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, remember Kopelman?

Harvey Specter:
Combovers like that are hard to forget.

Jessica Pearson:
When I first started here, he and I would fight like cats and dogs every day, toe-to-toe. Then one day he went too far. He crossed a line, and I'd had enough, and I went in, and I ripped him up. You know what I did the day after Daniel and I took over the firm? I went to Kopelman, and I told him how much I valued him.

Harvey Specter:
Kopelman never voted against you the whole time I knew him.

Jessica Pearson:
Exactly.

Harvey Specter:
Jessica, it's one thing for me to show Louis respect. But you want to put me on the sidelines for him?

Jessica Pearson:
No. I'm gonna put him in at quarterback, then snap the ball to you.

Louis Litt:
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You and Harvey are letting me in on one of your missions? This is Litt-tastic.

Louis Litt:
Your order is to not let my inner gladiator get past my outer negotiator.

Katrina Bennett:
That's not gonna be easy, Louis. You're like the Hulk - once you get enraged, there's no going back.

Louis Litt:
Nigel went after Mikado.

Harvey Specter:
What the hell is Mikado?

Louis Litt:
Not "what," "who". She's a cat.

Harvey Specter:
He went after your cat?

Louis Litt:
He went after his cat.

Harvey Specter:
He tortured his cat?

Louis Litt:
He deprived her of my letters.

Harvey Specter:
Louis, you lost your sh*t during a negotiation because someone didn't read your letters to their cat?

Jessica Pearson:
You really think you can handle Robert Zane?

Mike Ross:
I have a relationship with him.

Harvey Specter:
Yeah. You're sleeping with his daughter. I'm sure he's your biggest fan.

Robert Zane:
This is about Harvey Specter and Jessica Pearson and their divorce negotiations. And you don't go to the one you didn't marry to stick it to the one you did.

Harvey Specter:
I've told you this before, but it's always been when I needed something from you. And I don't need anything from you right now, because you just gave it to me. So maybe you can hear it when I say it - I respect you. You're an excellent attorney, a valuable member of this firm.

Louis Litt:
And a friend?

Harvey Specter:
Don't push it.

Donna Paulsen:
What were you thinking, pulling all that sh*t with her dad?

Mike Ross:
I didn't think it would come to that. He didn't mind. Why should she?

Donna Paulsen:
Anyone who understands women in any way would know that was a bad idea from the start.

Mike Ross:
Harvey liked it.

Donna Paulsen:
Proving my point.

Louis Litt:
You just got Litt up.

Mike Ross:
Wow, yeah, that is a tattoo.

Harold Gunderson:
It's cool, right?

Mike Ross:
Yeah. A manatee. The slow, gentle cow of the sea

Harold Gunderson:
Uh uh no, it's a shark actually.

Mike Ross:
[Looks again] Totally. No, yes that is- that's a shark. That is a big wide fat shark.

Louis Litt:
[enters] You're fired.

Harold Gunderson:
Oh! You can't fire Mike!

Louis Litt:
*You*. You moron. You can't even get your firing right.

Anita Gibbs:
Normally this is the part where I leave the room, but almost looks like you want me to stay. [... ] But if you're innocent to these charges, I'm sure you have nothing to fear being alone in this room with that man.

Rachel Zane:
Here's your goddamn birthday card. I don't appreciate you coming into my office saying that no one at the firm has what they're supposed to have, and I don't know what crawled up your ass today, but I take care of my business.

Donna Paulsen:
I'm sorry, Rache. You're right. This isn't about you, this is about me.

Harvey Specter:
She's swinging for the fences, I'll give her that. You know what, I'm going to swing for the fences too. Mike's going to court.

Mike Ross:
I am?

Jessica Pearson:
What's the case?

Mike Ross:
Uh, Emancipation.

Jessica Pearson:
From him? [indicating Harvey]

Mike Ross:
I wish.

Harvey Specter:
He doesn't need a court order for that.

Harvey Specter:
I knew he wasn't a lawyer, I didn't know he was an idiot.

Jessica Pearson:
I knew he was an idiot. I didn't know he was spastic.

Harvey Specter:
You ambushed me with a cup of coffee.

Harvey Specter:
I'm not gonna fire you, Donna. I might kill you, but I'm not gonna fire you.

Rachel Zane:
You know, Louis, if you treated people a tenth as nicely as you treat your cat, they might not feel about you the way they do.

Jeffrey:
Harvey's going to make you regret that.

Mike Ross:
Harvey's not going to do sh*t. This is my case. And you are done.

Rachel Zane:
You said he was going to fix it.

Mike Ross:
I thought he would.

Harvey Specter:
That's the difference between you and me, you wanna lose small, I wanna win big.

Harvey Specter:
I could be drinking a juice box and still kick your ass.

Louis Litt:
I'm writing in my diary.

Katrina Bennett:
Isn't that what your dictaphone is for?

Louis Litt:
No, my dictaphone is for my singular triumphs, like when Harvey told me I was the man, and my diary is for my most agonizing defeats, such as when Jessica just told me I'll never make name partner.

Katrina Bennett:
Louis, she didn't say that.

Louis Litt:
Well, she might as well have. She just gave Malone the corner office.

Louis Litt:
Holy sh*t. What did I just do?

Katrina Bennett:
I'll tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna stop writing in that p*ssy diary, and you're gonna show Jessica you're the one who should be sitting in that corner office.

Louis Litt:
Ready the dictaphone. We're gonna need it.

Jessica Pearson:
You are having lunch with Jeff Malone today.

Harvey Specter:
Come on, Jessica. You banged him. The least you could do is take him to lunch.

Jessica Pearson:
That is not funny.

Harvey Specter:
Wait a second, you want me to take him to lunch because you banged him.

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey... I want you to go ahead and say 'banged' to my face one more time.

Harvey Specter:
I'm not going to but not because I'm scared of you.

Jessica Pearson:
Whatever lets you sleep at night, white boy.

Harvey Specter:
Donna, tell Paul Porter he's meeting me for lunch. When he gets there, tell them to seat him with Jeff Malone.

Donna Paulsen:
Who's he not having lunch with?

Harvey Specter:
Jessica.

Donna Paulsen:
Oh, done.

Harvey Specter:
Aren't you gonna ask me why?

Donna Paulsen:
She asked you to go because she didn't want to. You're sending Porter because you don't want to, but you didn't have the balls to say no to her face. Is that it?

Harvey Specter:
The balls are debatable.

Donna Paulsen:
Balls are never debatable.

Jeff Malone:
Who do you actually think is better at determining whether a guy is guilty of insider trading, Louis? A career prosecutor for the S.E.C. or a monkey in some Italian suit?

Louis Litt:
[Scoffs] A monkey?

Jeff Malone:
Monkey.

Louis Litt:
Well, you're nothing but a crowing cock. And the last cock that walked into my office learned what all the other c*cks learned: that I eat cock for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Jeff Malone:
Louis, you're gonna let me in that deposition tomorrow whether you like it or not.

Louis Litt:
Why, because you're gonna run to Jessica?

Jeff Malone:
No, simply because I'm gonna tell everyone here in the office that you said you eat cock for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Rachel Zane:
Saw you scheduled a meeting with Mike. I assume that means you're going to offer him a deal.

Harvey Specter:
It could mean I'm going to offer him a trip to Disneyland.

Rachel Zane:
But it doesn't.

Harvey Specter:
Of course not, he'd probably want to wear mouse ears, and then nobody wins. You're welcome.

Mike Ross:
Where's your client?

Harvey Specter:
He doesn't need to be here. This fight started with you and me. So let's you and me settle it right now.

Mike Ross:
You mean you don't want him here because you don't think Logan Sanders and I can be in the same room.

Harvey Specter:
I don't think. I know.

Mike Ross:
Harvey, I'm a grown man. I can sit across the table from somebody who had a history with Rachel.

Harvey Specter:
Maybe, but you both have a brain and a dick, and if you get in that room together, the brains aren't gonna be leading that conversation.

Jessica Pearson:
My question isn't why I should want her here, it's why you would want her here.

Harvey Specter:
She's the best lawyer I know, after me. [Gets a look] And you.

Jessica Pearson:
Are you sleeping with her?

Harvey Specter:
Excuse me?

Jessica Pearson:
You have history with this woman, so I just want to know are you doing this because you feel sorry for her or because you want to pay her back or because you love her or what?

Harvey Specter:
It's none of your business.

Jessica Pearson:
It is my business. It is literally my business.

Harvey Specter:
I want a relationship with her.

Jessica Pearson:
Well, I'm happy for you. I hope you two make a run at it.

Harvey Specter:
Thanks. I'll pretend you meant that.

Jessica Pearson:
Your track record isn't great.

Harvey Specter:
You've had three name partners in two years. Let's talk about your commitment issues.

Jessica Pearson:
I'm not asking you to give my commitment issues a corner office.

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey convinced me, so let's get to it.

Dana Scott:
I want a relocation fee.

Jessica Pearson:
Done.

Dana Scott:
And a 10% increase on my signing bonus. You gave Harvey 10%.

Jessica Pearson:
Do you think you're worth as much as Harvey?

Dana Scott:
I'm less of a pain in the ass.

Harvey Specter:
I want to watch you kill this guy. That's why I brought snacks.

Mike Ross:
You can't bring peanuts into my deposition.

Harvey Specter:
Why?

Mike Ross:
It's unprofessional.

Harvey Specter:
So is that tie, but I've made my peace with it.

Louis Litt:
Okay, I was in the Harvard file room with Sheila. Don't ask details. And I noticed Mike Ross' file was not there.

Donna Paulsen:
You specifically looked for his file

Louis Litt:
Yes, and I looked for Harvey's too, and his was there. And by the way, he looked like a major douche.

Harvey Specter:
Obama.

Dana Scott:
I'm not going to land the president as my first client.

Harvey Specter:
Fine, if you don't think you can.

Dana Scott:
You're not going to manipulate me into trying to land Obama.

Harvey Specter:
Well, it better be somebody like that, or Jessica won't give up on her early buy-in bullshit.

Dana Scott:
What if I got myself a sports guy?

Harvey Specter:
The very fact that you call it 'a sports guy' means it's a no.

Louis Litt:
Thank you, Donna, for putting your anger on hold long enough to help me salvage the single most important non-feline relationship of my life.

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, it's time you and I had the talk.

Harvey Specter:
I know where babies come from.

Jessica Pearson:
But do you know how couples stay together?

Harvey Specter:
What are you getting at?

Jessica Pearson:
When Daniel and I took over the firm, we had a heart-to-heart. He had a philosophy that I agreed to live by.

Harvey Specter:
Daniel was a piece of sh*t.

Jessica Pearson:
Doesn't mean his philosophy was.

Louis Litt:
[talking into his dictaphone] Monday, 2:20 p. m. This conundrum is burning a hole in my brain. Think. Logically. I mean, Sheila is professional and meticulous and wonderfully anal, and if she says that nothing gets misplaced in her inner sanctum, then I believe her, which leaves the national security option. Is Mike Ross CIA? [Thinks, then scoffs] Please. There's a better chance that Esther's in the KGB. I mean, I can ask Sheila, if I'm no longer fond of my testicles, which - wait a second, missing testicles, missing file. It can't be missing if it doesn't exist. Holy sh*t. What if Mike Ross never went to Harvard at all? What if he just went to some crappy third-tier law school, like Fordham or Arizona State? [Puts on a frat-boy voice] "Yeah, hey, bro. Yeah, no, I'll see you at the party. I'm not gonna study for the bar. Damn straight, that's right, bros before hos. Oh, yeah, you know-" [Switches back to normal] All right, that's enough. He's been peeing directly into our pristine pool of eliteness. He's been- Oh, shoot, it's blinking out. Norma, really quickly, I need you to get a pack of rechargeable triple A - -. Sh*t, it's out. So I guess I'm just talking to myself.

Mike Ross:
Panda, right here. That's my favorite piece of art.

Rachel Zane:
That is not art.

Mike Ross:
Grammy gave that to me.

Rachel Zane:
Oh, I love it. Panda can come.

Mike Ross:
And the chair.

Rachel Zane:
Oh.

Mike Ross:
That was Grammy's favorite chair.

Rachel Zane:
I don't- I don't...

Mike Ross:
No, no, no, no, no, I'm telling you, Rachel, she used to sit in that chair every Sunday and drink her hot cup of Hershey's cocoa and tell me all about growing up on the mean streets of Philadelphia.

Rachel Zane:
When you lie, try less details.

Mike Ross:
Got it.

Harvey Specter:
Where could you have to go? You're unemployed.

Dana Scott:
Well, actually a top-tier law firm offered me a job last night, and I thought it might be best if I negotiate the terms of my agreement with the partner I'm not sleeping with.

Dana Scott:
If I'm going to change Jessica's mind, I can't just land someone, I have to land someone you couldn't.

Harvey Specter:
There's no one I couldn't land.

Dana Scott:
You think I don't know about Beijing?

Harvey Specter:
That's his word against mine.

Dana Scott:
Oh, well, um I guess we can clear that up right now, because look who just walked in. [Michael Phelps enters restaurant]

Harvey Specter:
You knew he was coming here tonight?

Dana Scott:
You think I like Argentinean food? I just need you to stop him for a second.

Harvey Specter:
I get it. You got the idea from Working Girl, when they crash the wedding to get to Trask Radio.

Dana Scott:
Harvey, I'm not a 14-year-old girl. I don't get my ideas from movies.

Louis Litt:
I need to talk to you.

Jessica Pearson:
Let me guess. You got into a pissing contest with Harvey, he told you he's been covering Donna's salary, you, out of pride, said that you were going to take it on, and now you're here to find out how much you're on the hook for.

Louis Litt:
Nothing like that

Jessica Pearson:
Oh, good. Then what is it?

Louis Litt:
Everything you just said.

Harvey Specter:
I can't delay the sale if I don't know why my client is dumping his company on a whim.

Gretchen:
That's the one more thing. Mr. Doyle's best friend died a month ago of pancreatic cancer. He was 46.

Harvey Specter:
How'd you know that?

Gretchen:
Something he said to you just before he started talking sh*t about me stuck in my head.

Harvey Specter:
What exactly was that?

Gretchen:
When people say "life is short" two times in 30 seconds, it's usually right after somebody died.

Harvey Specter:
I take it you were listening to our conversation.

Gretchen:
That's what good secretaries do.

Harvey Specter:
Sorry about the Keebler thing.

Gretchen:
ou didn't say it. Besides, it doesn't take Albert Einstein to figure out why you hired somebody that look like me to replace somebody that look like her.

Harvey Specter:
Listen, Gretchen, I...

Gretchen:
You don't have to worry about that with me. I prefer my men manly.

Harvey Specter:
[Taken aback] Am I not manly?

Gretchen:
Well, if you have to ask...

Louis Litt:
I thought you can't stand Mike Ross. All of a sudden you're willing to work with him?

Katrina Bennett:
It's my job.

Louis Litt:
If I ask you to murder someone on a rainy winter's eve, how would you respond?

Katrina Bennett:
You want a gun or a knife?

Louis Litt:
If you were less attractive, I'd love you.

Katrina Bennett:
I know.

Jonathan:
Hessington doesn't have holdings in those areas.

Louis Litt:
They do now. And if you don't leave 'em alone, you're gonna be tied up with my friend from the FTC until kingdom goddamn come. Got that, spank?

Jonathan:
Then it's a good thing Mr. Gianopolous arranged an exception for us over dinner with his friend, the commissioner of the FTC.

Louis Litt:
That's not le-...

Jonathan:
Legal? Yes, it is. As long as we disclose it. Which we always do. You think you're the first lawyer to try to outsmart us? We're not lawyers. We're investment bankers. We call you for the paperwork. We didn't go to Harvard. We went to Wharton, and we saw you coming a mile away. Spank.

Louis Litt:
You seem upset that she led you to believe that she was trying to befriend you when it turned out she was gonna betray you.

Harvey Specter:
Louis.

Louis Litt:
You got a problem with that?

Mike Ross:
No. No problem.

Katrina Bennett:
Not as long as your daddy's here.

Harvey Specter:
Do I have to have another talk with you?

Louis Litt:
He had a talk with you?

Katrina Bennett:
Yes. But I didn't feel the need to run to you to protect me.

Mike Ross:
Second choice never does.

Harvey Specter:
I can't believe it's up to me to be the adult in the room. Maybe it's time we get down to business.

Mike Ross:
Ava makes a statement, Cameron's gonna be all over it.

Katrina Bennett:
Cameron Dennis isn't the problem right now. The problem is Ava Hessington isn't a credible CEO.

Harvey Specter:
The problem is she's on trial for murder.

Louis Litt:
And public perception says that she's as guilty as Jean Valjean with a loaf of bread in his pants.

Ava Hessington:
A tender offer's being made on a company with my family name. And with all that going on, the fact that I haven't made a statement defending myself is bullshit.

Harvey Specter:
It's not bullshit. It's smart.

Ava Hessington:
Of course you see it that way. You think I'm guilty.

Harvey Specter:
I've told you before it doesn't matter what I think. But if you think saying you're innocent is gonna make people believe you, it won't. Because you know who says they're innocent? Everybody.

Donna Paulsen:
Since you're from a different country, I'll translate: 'She finds you a bit douchey, Love.'

Rachel Zane:
Oh, that man is trouble.

Donna Paulsen:
It's okay. I can handle it.

Rachel Zane:
Oh, no, it's okay. I don't need you to.

Donna Paulsen:
Wait. What are we talking about?

Rachel Zane:
The fact that he's into me.

Donna Paulsen:
Were you here? He's into me.

Rachel Zane:
Then why was I the one getting all the stares?

Donna Paulsen:
Haven't you ever heard, "go after the second prettiest to get the prettiest's attention"?

Rachel Zane:
Well, it's a thing.

Donna Paulsen:
Oh. Are you saying I'm the second prettiest?

Donna Paulsen:
Why should I go out with him? Just because he's charming and hot?

Rachel Zane:
And witty and British.

Donna Paulsen:
And has a title.

Rachel Zane:
He does?

Donna Paulsen:
No. But even if he did, that wouldn't be a reason.

Jessica Pearson:
[Talking about Louis] Is he aware she's up for murder?

Harvey Specter:
Is he aware that most people don't line their offices with pictures of themselves?

Jessica Pearson:
Evidently not.

Harvey Specter:
You know he's still got one of his dead cat?

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, leave the cat alone.

Harvey Specter, Jessica Pearson:
Stupid cat.

Jessica Pearson:
This is my call.

Harvey Specter:
I'm afraid it isn't.

Jessica Pearson:
Excuse me?

Harvey Specter:
You and I both know who assigned me to this case, and it wasn't you. It was the man you chose to merge with. The same man who has a 51% share of our law firm. So unless you're gonna undo that, you're gonna live with this.

Harvey Specter:
You're on Katrina duty for the next two days.

Mike Ross:
What? I'd rather be on latrine duty

Harvey Specter:
It's not an option.

Mike Ross:
Okay, then I'm going AWOL

Harvey Specter:
Let me connect the dots for you, Forrest Gump. Even though Jessica gave in on the strategy, Louis made it clear he's willing to sacrifice Ava.

Mike Ross:
And you don't trust him to play by the rules.

Harvey Specter:
Which is why you're gonna work side by side with her to figure a way out of this jam.

Mike Ross:
And at the same time make sure she and Louis don't shaft us.

Harvey Specter:
Not bad, Forrest.

Mike Ross:
Okay, if I'm Forrest, then you're Bubba.

Louis Litt:
What just happened to him?

Katrina Bennett:
He got Litt up

Louis Litt:
Damn straight.

Rachel Zane:
You trying to score some extra edamame from the delivery guy?

Donna Paulsen:
Please, Yuki always brings me extra edamame.

Donna Paulsen:
You aren't having a heart attack, are you?

Stephen Huntley:
Would that put a crimp in your evening?

Donna Paulsen:
Well, I guess I could scalp your ticket, seeing as it is the hottest of the season.

Stephen Huntley:
You know, I practically had to sell my spleen for them.

Donna Paulsen:
That's funny. I heard you got them from a client.

Stephen Huntley:
Did you also hear that I traded him my spleen?

Harvey Specter:
You bribed that government. What's to stop anyone with a pulse from believing you knew that money was payment for killing those people?

Ava Hessington:
Because life is more important to me than money.

Harvey Specter:
Then why the hell did you pay that bribe in the first place?

Ava Hessington:
Because that's how it works over there.

Mike Ross:
Murder is also how it works over there.

Harvey Specter:
You did it. You know it. And you're not convincing anyone.

Ava Hessington:
Very good. Finally we get to it. If you check your records, you'd know the reason we won that bid is we were the only company who took it upon ourselves to go to the people.

Harvey Specter:
Because you needed to see what your obstacle was.

Ava Hessington:
My obstacle? We paid $100 million more than anyone else on the condition that the money be used to relocate any family who lost anything within job, home, land, livestock. Anything. What happened over there sickens me. I lose sleep over it every night. And as soon as I am out of this nightmare, I am going to shut down the entire project - the pipeline, the oil fields, all of it. So I've had just about enough of you two wondering whether I'm guilty of these murders or not. Is that a good enough trial run for you?

Harvey Specter:
I wasn't wrong about it being personal. I was wrong about which person. You're not pissed at me. You're pissed at yourself for getting played.

Jessica Pearson:
What did you just say to me?

Harvey Specter:
You heard me. Fools rush in, and you're the one who gave him the 51% in the first place.

Jessica Pearson:
I merged with Edward for the sake of this firm, just like what I did today with Ava. And the only one in this room taking things personally is you.

Harvey Specter:
Tell yourself whatever you want, but don't tell me it doesn't have to do with Darby and don't tell me it isn't personal, because you can't stand being number two.

Jessica Pearson:
I am in charge on this side of the ocean.

Edward Darby:
Because I allow it to be that way.

Jessica Pearson:
And, there it is again. 51-49.

Edward Darby:
Until now I thought Harvey was the wild horse that couldn't be tamed, but perhaps it is you.

Jessica Pearson:
I think maybe Harvey was right. It is personal. But I didn't make it that way. You did when you allowed your feelings for Ava to cloud your judgment. And as you pointed out, I had a partner once who made decisions based on his personal sh*t, and I will not allow that to happen again. And 51-49 or not, I just took 14 million and put it on my side of the ledger, so do me a favor, Edward, and turn off the lights on your way out.

Mike Ross:
What about the bubble? There's no Donna in the bubble.

Rachel Zane:
Come on, there's room for Donna in the bubble

Mike Ross:
You realize I get to sleep with whoever's in the bubble, right?

Rachel Zane:
So long as you realize that my dad's in the bubble

Mike Ross:
Donna it is

Mike Ross:
What is this?

Harvey Specter:
A copy of Brides Magazine.

Mike Ross:
Why is it on my desk?

Harvey Specter:
How else are you gonna pick your colors?

Mike Ross:
Colors? What are colors? How do you know what they are?

Harvey Specter:
Because I'm a grown man.

Mike Ross:
Really? 'Cause you sound more like a grown woman.

Harvey Specter:
That's very hurtful.

Henry Gerard:
A former employee at Liberty Rail reached out to me. He claims he was fired because he knows the real reason for the crash.

Mike Ross:
And what was the real reason?

Henry Gerard:
He wouldn't tell me.

Mike Ross:
Well, what did he tell you?

Henry Gerard:
Enough for me to know it would be unethical if somebody didn't look into this.

Mike Ross:
But you can't, so you want me to get Harvey to.

Henry Gerard:
Well, you convinced him to look into my case when he didn't want to, didn't you?

Mike Ross:
This is different. We don't take cases like this.

Henry Gerard:
Maybe, but I believe a man who can convince Harvey to hire someone who never went to law school could convince him to make an exception for this.

Jeff Malone:
Take all the time you need. But in the meantime, I'll be thinking about who else around here I can take.

Jessica Pearson:
Really? Well, you're awfully sure of yourself.

Jeff Malone:
You think I haven't seen the way Norma looks at me? Calls me the Black Stallion.

Donna Paulsen:
Wait a second, you're not gonna try to cut Mike's legs out from under him before he even gets started?

Harvey Specter:
What's the point? He'd just bother me until I agreed not to anyway. [Donna stares at him] I can't believe it. You have no idea what to say. What's the date today? I want to write this down.

Donna Paulsen:
You know what? It's the seventh of kiss my ass, and tomorrow is the eighth of set your own goddamn meetings.

Harvey Specter:
Is that the Mayan calendar?

Louis Litt:
Do you know the receptionist at the front desk?

Rachel Zane:
Yes, her name is Elise.

Louis Litt:
Good, you can use her name when you fire her.

Rachel Zane:
I don't have the authority to fire people, but I did just talk to her.

Louis Litt:
You did?

Rachel Zane:
Mm-hmm.

Louis Litt:
To set her straight. That's good.

Rachel Zane:
No, not good. She came to see me. She said that you've been harassing her.

Louis Litt:
What happened?

Rachel Zane:
She said that you called and hung up on her over 50 times.

Louis Litt:
What? How did she even know it was me?

Rachel Zane:
Because you called from your office.

Rachel Zane:
Louis, is this really the kind of name partner you want to be?

Louis Litt:
No, I want to be the kind of name partner that has his name said on the goddamn phone.

Rachel Zane:
Okay, well, in order to fire her without getting sued for harassment, you'd have to fire the entire support staff, and you and I both know that that's never going to happen.

[Louis has a look]

Jessica Pearson:
We are not firing all of our support staff.

Louis Litt:
Well, it's easy for you to say, being that your name is first.

Jessica Pearson:
What are you talking...

Louis Litt:
Jessica, I am talking about respect. R-e-s-p-e-c-t, find out what it means to me.

Jessica Pearson:
I know I'm gonna regret asking this. Louis, tell me specifically what it is you're talking about.

Louis Litt:
They are answering the phones, "Pearson Specter", not "Pearson Specter Litt".

Jessica Pearson:
Louis...

Louis Litt:
You don't believe me? Check it yourself.

Jessica Pearson:
I'm not harassing our support staff.

Louis Litt:
It's not harassment, God damn it!

Mike Ross:
Louis knows.

Harvey Specter:
Louis knows what?

Mike Ross:
My dirty little secret.

Harvey Specter:
You're Canadian?

Harvey Specter:
You really wanna come after me again?

Travis Tanner:
I'm not moving down here for the sushi.

Harvey Specter:
0-2 doesn't look good on a resume.

Travis Tanner:
You know, I'm thinking upper East side.

Harvey Specter:
Well why don't you check out the corner of 81st and Kiss My Ass?

Mike Ross:
This can't surprise you anymore.

Louis Litt:
No sex of any kind. Weakens legs, clouds your judgment. Got it?

Mike Ross:
I'm not sure I do.

Louis Litt:
Good.

Mike Ross:
Okay.

Louis Litt:
No sex.

Mike Ross:
Okay.

Louis Litt:
No sex!

Mike Ross:
Got it!

Donna Paulsen:
I don't like having my competence questioned.

Harvey Specter:
Yeah, and I don't like being sued for fraud.

Mike Ross:
Yes, no more fondling the vinyl.

Mike Ross:
Hey, he said I can't have sex while I'm working with him. Is that really his call?

Harvey Specter:
Well, he is your commanding officer.

Mike Ross:
[about Louis] He's like the captain of mixed metaphors.

Louis Litt:
Where you going?

Mike Ross:
I, uh- just have to go back to the bathroom.

Louis Litt:
You just went.

Mike Ross:
Are you keeping track?

Louis Litt:
I may start.

Harvey Specter:
Don't be cocky. It doesn't look good.

Mike Ross:
[clears throat]

Harvey Specter:
On you. I can pull it off.

Mike Ross:
Louis, can I be honest with you?

Louis Litt:
Yeah, I can keep it real.

Mike Ross:
As far as poisoning the well goes, Harvey didn't really have anything to do with it. That's pretty much all been you.

Louis Litt:
What are you talking about?

Mike Ross:
Among other things, you tried to sabotage my relationship with Jenny.

Louis Litt:
After you laughed at that video of me.

Mike Ross:
You stuck me in housing court.

Louis Litt:
'Cause you stole a client from me.

Mike Ross:
You tried to blackmail me with a fake drug test.

Louis Litt:
Yeah, but it didn't work. You defeated me.

Mike Ross:
So?

Louis Litt:
So it's water under the bridge.

Mike Ross:
No, no no, not water under the bridge. Louis, you can't do that to people and expect them to forget about it and move on.

Louis Litt:
They should.

Mike Ross:
Would you?

Louis Litt:
My spider parts are tingling.

Mike Ross:
Please don't ever say things like that.

Mike Ross:
Kevin, trusts and estates?

Donna Paulsen:
No, it's too meek. It's gotta be a woman. Who is it?

Harold Gunderson:
Harold. I need a stapler.

Donna Paulsen:
I was right.

Louis Litt:
This is my associate, Mike Ross. He was busy, uh, drafting some pertinent documents. Motion to dismiss, motion to compel, motion to strike, motion to change venue, and we have another half dozen in the pipeline.

Mike Ross:
No, they're here.

Louis Litt:
Oh.

Durham Foods Attorney:
What is this? This was supposed to be a settlement conference.

Louis Litt:
Oh, we're not here to settle. We're proceeding to trial.

Durham Foods Attorney:
You want to take this case to trial?

Louis Litt:
Um, unless I can't hear the sound of my own voice, I believe that's what I just frickin' said.

Durham Foods Attorney:
We're the little guy. Your parent company's a behemoth. A jury's gonna hate you.

Louis Litt:
Well, thanks to your disgusting smears in the media, that might be true, which is why we're also filing a countersuit for libel, slander, and anything else that might be appropriate in this case.

Mike Ross:
Tortious interference?

Durham Foods Attorney:
This is - you got- this is not good faith, Mr. Litt.

Louis Litt:
Sir, you have besmirched the good name of Liquid Water, and if you think that we're here for a settlement conference, well, let me just correct that one for you right now. We are not settling. We will not be settling. In fact, the only thing that's settling here is the sediment at the bottom of your putrid water. Get me? Now be sure to take that Grand Central shuttle like I told you, okay? I think you're gonna love it.

Carl McTaggart:
Oh, you're not room service.

Mike Ross:
No, I'm not, but I do need to talk to Colonel Mariga.

Carl McTaggart:
And I need to stop paying alimony to my cheating ex-wife, but that's not going to happen.

Mike Ross:
If you let me in, maybe I can make that happen.

Carl McTaggart:
And how the hell are you gonna make that happen?

Mike Ross:
I'm a lawyer.

Carl McTaggart:
You don't look like a lawyer to me.

Mike Ross:
All right. You got me. Look, I'm not - I'm not a lawyer. In fact, between you and me, I'm a complete fraud.

Harold Gunderson:
Louis, how did you get in here?

Louis Litt:
I told them I was your uncle. Though how they could believe that we share the same DNA is beyond me.

Harold Gunderson:
This is about your trial, isn't it?

Louis Litt:
You're goddamn right it is! Why the hell would you do that to me?

Harold Gunderson:
I had no choice. I was subpoenaed.

Louis Litt:
It was a mock trial. You could have refused.

Harold Gunderson:
What do you want from me, Louis?

Louis Litt:
I want to yell at you!

Stephen Huntley:
if you're so appalled by how business is done, may I suggest that you return all of your designer clothes that you look so ravishing in, because they're paid for by the dirty work this firm does.

Donna Paulsen:
We don't kill people.

Stephen Huntley:
You mean chemical companies that Harvey represents or car companies that Harvey defends? How about insurance providers whose claims he helps deny?

Donna Paulsen:
Don't bring him into this.

Stephen Huntley:
He's always been in this.

Donna Paulsen:
You know what? I've had enough of this. I didn't really cut off your sh*t to get your attention. I cut it off because you don't need it anymore. You're fired.

Harvey Specter:
Why should we trust a man who sent Stephen over here to cover his ass?

Edward:
I sent Stephen over here because I care about Ava, which is why I sent him to the E. I. R. in the first place. I had no idea he would do what he did, and I have been trying to fix it ever since.

Harvey Specter:
I don't have dreams, I have goals.

Harvey Specter:
What are we going to do?

Jessica Pearson:
We're going to take it.

Harvey Specter:
We give him this, it is never gonna end.

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, before you say another word to me, I want you to think about the fact that I just ate a big bowl of sh*t because you brought that kid into my house. And I had to take it, so you're going to take it.

Harvey Specter:
You don't need to say it.

Donna Paulsen:
Yeah, I do. Louis came looking for you, and I didn't know what to do. He was gonna call Sheila and tell her everything. I'd never seen him like that before.

Harvey Specter:
Donna, this is not on you.

Donna Paulsen:
Yes, it is. He pressed me, and I broke.

Harvey Specter:
It doesn't matter, because he already knew.

Donna Paulsen:
How can you know that?

Harvey Specter:
Because I know Louis, and I know you. And he couldn't have broken you unless he knew the truth already. So this is not your fault, and I never want to hear you say that again.

Mike Ross:
What do you want?

Louis Litt:
I already got what I wanted from you. Name partner.

Mike Ross:
You must want something else. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here.

Louis Litt:
See, that's what I love about you, Mike. Almost always a step ahead. What I want from you is to know that you're dead at my law firm.

Mike Ross:
You can't fire me.

Louis Litt:
Why would I fire you when I can break you? You see, I'm going to bury you under a mountain of sh*t so big you're going to be begging me to take it off. And all you have to do is say two simple words - the same two words that you let me say to Harvey and Jessica. "I resign".

Donna Paulsen:
I know you're angry and you're feeling betrayed, but I am not gonna let you throw our friendship away.

Louis Litt:
I can't throw away something that never existed in the first place.

Donna Paulsen:
Louis...

Louis Litt:
Donna, we're not friends. We were never friends, because it was all based on a lie.

Donna Paulsen:
So you think my giving you this and every other nice thing that I ever did for you was just to keep you from finding out about Mike?

Louis Litt:
No, I don't. But I do think if you had the chance to take back all those nice things you did in exchange for me never finding out about your little secret, you'd do it in a heartbeat. You want a chance to tell me the truth? Go ahead. Tell me the truth right now. [Donna is silent] And that answers my question.

Donna Paulsen:
You know what, Louis? It was a bullshit question designed to do nothing but make me feel like sh*t. Mission accomplished.

Louis Litt:
And now I'm gonna tell you what I told Mike. You're dead to me.

Donna Paulsen:
Okay. You want to hate me? Hate me. You want to hate Mike? Hate Mike. But everybody at this firm can't be dead to you, because sooner or later, you're going to need someone.

Louis Litt:
Thank you, Donna, but that someone isn't going to be you.

Rachel Zane:
The day after what happened in here happened, I shut you out. But then, a week later, you came to my door, and you said you weren't gonna let me go without a fight.

Mike Ross:
That is not the same. I wanted you to fall in love with me.

Rachel Zane:
I was already in love with you, and you knew it.

Mike Ross:
Yeah, well, Louis is a lot of things, but he's not in love with me.

Rachel Zane:
He used to be. You just have to make him remember that.

Harvey Specter:
Partners leave firms and come back all the time.

Robert Zane:
Maybe, but they don't come back with their name on the wall. [Harvey is surprised Zane knows this] Ah, I'm guessing he wasn't supposed to tell me that. But he did, and Louis Litt is not name partner material, which means he must have something on you. So unless you want me going around town flapping my big mouth that something isn't right in your kitchen, you're gonna make good on that favor.

Louis Litt:
[On the phone] What do you mean, you don't have diamond-encrusted business cards? Fine, what about the embossed ivory? Okay, great, well, how much would 10,000 of those run me? Money's no object. What, are you crazy? I'm not paying that much. Unless it comes with a reach-around. Which, by the way, I'm still not paying that much. [Hangs up] Elite Printing, my ass.

Harvey Specter:
I just did exactly what he wanted, and he acted like a dick, and he's not gonna stop.

Jessica Pearson:
He's not gonna stop because you didn't do what he wanted.

Harvey Specter:
Jessica, I just got up there and kissed his ass in front of the entire partnership and pretended to like it.

Jessica Pearson:
Exactly. Pretended.

Harvey Specter:
Oh, you want me to actually like it?

Jessica Pearson:
I want you to make him feel accepted.

Harvey Specter:
Jessica.

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, what Louis wants is to be accepted. And like it or not, the person he wants that from the most is you. So you're gonna go to him, you're gonna make nice, and that's how we're gonna put all of this to bed.

Jeff Malone:
[Comes up to them] You want to tell me what the hell that was?

Harvey Specter:
If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna let Jessica handle this conversation. I have to go kill myself.

Jessica Pearson:
I am giving you this because it's non-billable work and the only reason it exists is because of you.

Mike Ross:
This again?

Jessica Pearson:
Excuse me?

Mike Ross:
You heard me. I've seen this movie before.

Jessica Pearson:
And the reason it keeps rerunning is because every time I think I'm done with you, you and your dirty little secret rear your ugly heads.

Mike Ross:
You know what, Jessica. I've had it up to here with you saying this is my dirty little secret. You could have fired me when you found out and you didn't. You decided to keep me around because you were more concerned with beating Daniel Hardman and keeping your power. And then, you kept me around because you didn't want to lose Harvey. And then you wanted to use my secret to beat Harvey again and again and again. So please, Jessica, why don't you tell me, when the hell does this become your dirty little secret?

Louis Litt:
I'm not signing it.

Jessica Pearson:
Louis, here's the thing. I told you not to tell anybody about this, and then you went and you shouted it to Robert Zane, and then you made me tell the partners.

Harvey Specter:
And the capper is, there are about a hundred people waiting to greet you after the unveiling you arranged, which won't happen if you don't sign that.

Louis Litt:
I could still go to the police.

Jessica Pearson:
Yeah, you could, but you won't. 'Cause you used that little secret to get where you are right now. It was the only bullet in your chamber, and I am taking your gun away.

Jessica Pearson:
What are you doing here so early?

Harvey Specter:
I always get in this early.

Jessica Pearson:
You never get in this early, and I know that for a fact because this is the time I get in every single day.

Harvey Specter:
You should sleep in once in a while. It's good for you. Trust me. I do it every single day. It just so happens that this morning, I have work to do.

Jessica Pearson:
What work?

Harvey Specter:
...The Schmoolkinsberg brief.

Jessica Pearson:
The Schmoolkinsberg brief? That's what you're going with?

Harvey Specter:
It's not gonna write itself.

Jessica Pearson:
I'm taking your name off the wall.

Harvey Specter:
Seriously, I'm here for the Tokyo markets.

Jessica Pearson:
Name one Tokyo market.

Harvey Specter:
The Nikkei.

Jessica Pearson:
Name another.

Harvey Specter:
Honda, Toyota, Kia.

Jessica Pearson:
Kia's Korean.

Harvey Specter:
Yeah, but they're in the same time zone.

Jessica Pearson:
Where it is currently dinner.

Katrina Bennett:
Louis, why are you here so early?

Louis Litt:
I am taking this Forstman document, and I am burying it in the bowels of these files. And then, I am putting these files deep in the bowels of our storage.

Katrina Bennett:
Louis, please stop saying bowels.

Louis Litt:
Katrina, I don't have time to give a sh*t about bowels, 'cause after this, we are starting fresh.

Donna Paulsen:
Rachel, if you try to pull him towards you right now, all you're gonna do is push him away. Trust me. Let things be. They'll turn out the way they're supposed to.

Donna Paulsen:
You don't know that.

Donna Paulsen:
I do know that. Okay. Rachel, I'm gonna tell you something I've never told you... I slept with Harvey.

Rachel Zane:
Oh, my God! But you told me that...

Donna Paulsen:
I know what I told you. It was once, and I never would have done it if we were still working together. But then, he left the D. A. 's office, andit happened. And then, the next time I saw him, he wanted me to come with him to the firm, and I did, and that was that.

Rachel Zane:
Would you have wanted a relationship with him?

Donna Paulsen:
I would have wanted to try, but he wasn't ready. And if I had pushed him to be ready, I would be sitting here talking to somebody else about somebody I used to work with a long time ago.

Rachel Zane:
What are you saying?

Donna Paulsen:
I'm saying everything turned out the way it was supposed to.

Rachel Zane:
But you said the reason that you two never - is because you can never go back.

Donna Paulsen:
I lied.

Sean Cahill:
You're gonna give me all the files, or you're gonna head downtown with these two fine gentlemen.

Jessica Pearson:
Okay, Sean. Have it your way. You're going to take that hall. [Points] You're going to run into what appears to be the mummified remains of a legal secretary.

Harvey Specter:
Her name is Norma.

Jessica Pearson:
Mm-hmm. She's gonna limp you up to the 60th floor where you will find 30 years worth of files that haven't been sorted since the Reagan Administration.

Harvey Specter:
Or is it the 56th floor?

Jessica Pearson:
It could be the 35th floor for all I know.

Harvey Specter:
The point is, while you're trying to find the Ark of the Covenant, we'll be downtown in front of a judge blocking this bullshit.

Sean Cahill:
You think the threat of you getting to a judge before I find what I want is gonna get me to leave?

Jessica Pearson:
Then stay, but who do you think's gonna get the job done faster? You and those two windbreakers or Bonnie and Clyde.

Donna Paulsen:
Welcome home, sailor. You were out to sea a long time.

Mike Ross:
I was, but now I'm back. And this place hasn't changed a bit.

Donna Paulsen:
Maybe it has.

Mike Ross:
[Looking at Harvey's records] Is this a new Spinner's album?

Donna Paulsen:
No, and you know it's not new. You and Harvey joked about it.

Mike Ross:
I could have sworn that was a different one.

Donna Paulsen:
Said the man with the photographic memory.

Mike Ross:
Donna, I went to the bullpen. Some guy with a soul patch was sitting at my desk.

Donna Paulsen:
That's because it's not your desk anymore, and you're not cool enough to pull off a soul patch.

Mike Ross:
I dispute that.

Donna Paulsen:
Are you even capable of growing a soul patch?

Mike Ross:
I had a goatee my sophomore year of never.

Donna Paulsen:
Look, it's not your desk anymore because you're on the other side of the bullpen now.

Mike Ross:
Which other side?

Donna Paulsen:
The other side. Like, not the side that you were on.

Mike Ross:
Towards the door or away from the door?

Donna Paulsen:
Which door are you talking about?

Mike Ross:
Which door are *you* talking about?

Donna Paulsen:
You know what? Just shut up and keep walking. You're not here five minutes, and you're already a pain in my ass. This is the other side of the bullpen. [Shows Mike his new office]

Jack Soloff:
Take a picture, because tomorrow morning?Those letters are coming down.

Harvey Specter:
What if you're wrong?

Dr. Paula Agard:
Then I'll be wrong. And you'll be able to handle that.

Donna Paulsen:
Okay, so why are we really here? I mean, you didn't just bring me out to talk about Khaleesi.

Rachel Zane:
I did. Paul Porter says I look like her translator.

Donna Paulsen:
He's a Throner?

Rachel Zane:
Though he says I'm a less-attractive version of her translator.

Rachel Zane:
I do remember you being the person who told me not to force things that weren't meant to be.

Donna Paulsen:
Rachel, just because a person gives advice doesn't mean that they have to follow that same advice. That's one of the core principles outlined in "The Book of Donna".

Harvey Specter:
The Ehlo jumper was a game-winner. The layup was a statement: "I can do whatever I want. I own this league".

Jessica Pearson:
Are you talking about Jordan or yourself now?

Harvey Specter:
Is there a difference?

Jessica Pearson:
A big difference, which brings me to why I'm here. You can't do whatever you want, Harvey.

Harvey Specter:
You want me to make things right with Louis.

Jessica Pearson:
He made things right between Jeff and me.

Harvey Specter:
So I'm supposed to kiss his ass forever because of that?

Jessica Pearson:
No, you're supposed to make peace.

Harvey Specter:
[after being shown an autographed basket ball] You didn't forge this?

Donna Paulsen:
I am a lot of things, but I am not a monster. I would do that to neither Michael nor you.

Harvey Specter:
Oh, so he's Michael now?

Donna Paulsen:
Well, I'm Donna to him. He's Michael to me, which is what I told His Airness when he called...

Harvey Specter:
Wait a second. You're not kidding. He signed with me?

Donna Paulsen:
Well, technically, he signed with me.

Donna Paulsen:
Listen to the words that I'm saying. You are getting drinks with Louis tonight.

Harvey Specter:
Fairchild's retiring

Donna Paulsen:
Fairchild's dead.

Harvey Specter:
That's almost as good as the Jordan news

Donna Paulsen:
Eh, not to Fairchild

Harvey Specter:
Who gives a sh*t about Fairchild? The real tragedy is that I have to have drinks with Louis.

Donna Paulsen:
Which is why I got you a secluded restaurant with a table in the back where no one will see you.

Harvey Specter:
And you'll call a half an hour in and say there's an emergency.

Donna Paulsen:
Already in place, and if I can't get through, then I'll just have the waiter spill drinks all over Louis

Harvey Specter:
You could have that done?

Donna Paulsen:
Oh, please. I could have Louis held captive in a Tibetan monastery if I wanted to.

Harvey Specter:
To Fairchild. God rest his soul.

Louis Litt:
Screw his soul. You know how they say, 'Heaven just got another angel.' They ain't saying it now.

Mike Ross:
I got a date tonight.

Trevor:
Wow, clubfoot, mustache, all of the above?

Mike Ross:
First dickfoot and then clubfoot? Are words with "foot" all you've got now?

Trevor:
All right, smart guy, describe her with one of your SAT words.

Mike Ross:
Bigfoot [laughs]

Trevor:
hat's what I'm talking about.

Mike Ross:
For the record, she's really hot.

Daniel Hardman:
Let me get this straight. Instead of promoting an existing partner, you want me to make both of you junior partners.

Louis Litt:
Well, not make us. We've earned it.

Daniel Hardman:
Earned partnership status? That's a pretty bold statement coming from two fifth-years.

Harvey Specter:
Not just any fifth-years. We're the best fifth-years this firm has ever seen, and you know it.

Daniel Hardman:
May I inquire whose idea this was?...

Louis Litt:
It was both of ours.

Harvey Specter:
I was Louis'.

Daniel Hardman:
That's generous of you to give him credit.

Harvey Specter:
It was generous of him to come to me with the idea.

Daniel Hardman:
The truth is, I wasn't gonna make anyone partner. But I do like admire your gumption. So here's what I'm willing to do. I will advance one of you if you prove to me which one it should be.

Louis Litt:
We're going to McKernon Motors, not your senior prom. Why can't we just take the car service?

Harvey Specter:
Because we're going to an engine manufacturer. We need to show up with a bad-ass car.

Louis Litt:
[Goes up to a sports car] How about this little bad boy right here?

Harvey Specter:
That's no good.

Louis Litt:
Why the hell not?

Harvey Specter:
Because it's not just the two of us.

Louis Litt:
What do you mean? [Sees Mike] You son of a b*tch. You said you and I are going up there. You lied to me.

Harvey Specter:
Because if I didn't, you would have never agreed to come.

Louis Litt:
There is no way I'm going.

Harvey Specter:
Yes, you are. I don't care if I have to tie you to the roof. By the time we get to McKernon, you and Mike are gonna work your sh*t out.

Mike Ross:
You worked it out with Donna and Rachel. You lied to Malone for Jessica. What's it gonna take to work it out with me?

Louis Litt:
Well, I forgave those people, because they were victims infected with the disease known as Mike Ross. Now I'm stuck in a car with patient zero.

Mike Ross:
Okay, Outbreak, patient zero is the first person actually infected with the disease, not the disease itself, and for your information, I'm stuck in the same car as you. At least you don't have to look at the back of your own stupid, fat, balding head.

Louis Litt:
[Harvey laughs] What's so goddamn funny?

Harvey Specter:
You two are finally talking.

Louis Litt:
This is ridiculous. You drive like a savage animal.

Harvey Specter:
Louis, be a man and suck it up.

Louis Litt:
Suck it up? I'm sitting in the death seat.

Harvey Specter:
I'll pull over, and you can sit in the back with Mike.

Louis Litt:
Hey, I'm not sitting in the back with a fraud, and before you even think it, you're not putting him up here and sticking me back there.

Harvey Specter:
Then what do you want, Louis? Because there is no way in hell I'm letting you behind the wheel of this car.

Louis Litt:
It's crystal goddamn clear. You and I sit in the back, and he chauffeurs the both of us.

Mike Ross:
Whoa, no. Even if Harvey would agree to that, which I doubt...

Louis Litt:
Shut the hell up. You're not talking. You don't get to refuse.

Mike Ross:
I'm not refusing, Louis. I don't know how to drive.

Louis Litt:
Holy sh*t.

Mike Ross:
I was just thinking about my grandmother. We took a train trip to D. C. once. We played I Spy.

Harvey Specter:
That's a nice story, Mike, but we are not playing I Spy.

Louis Litt:
I'll play. It'll remind me of dominating Esther on our trips to see our smelly Aunt Frida

Harvey Specter:
All right, if it will get you and Mike talking, sure. [clears throat at Louis]

Louis Litt:
I spy a fraud who probably never even knew his grandmother.

Daniel Hardman:
You don't get it, do you? This isn't about bringing in business. This is about figuring out who would do whatever it takes.

Harvey Specter:
I did whatever it took.

Daniel Hardman:
You didn't do a thing. You had the chance to triple our business, and all you had to do was take a knee.

Harvey Specter:
You mean bend a knee.

Daniel Hardman:
Yes, that's exactly what I mean. But you're an arrogant little boy who would rather win than get in line.

Harvey Specter:
Well, what the hell did Louis do to get in line?

Daniel Hardman:
He did whatever it took.

Harvey Specter:
Tell me right now you weren't the one that gave Fletcher Engines my game plan.

Louis Litt:
Hardman told me he wasn't gonna make you partner anyway. And once he offered it to me, all I had to do was...

Harvey Specter:
Sell me out.

Louis Litt:
How is what I did any different than you going after McKernon Motors in the first place?

Harvey Specter:
If you don't understand that on your own, you never will.

Louis Litt:
You told me you would fight to get our names on the wall once you got on the other side. I can do the same for you.

Harvey Specter:
Did you hear what I just said? I don't want you doing sh*t for me.

Louis Litt:
Oh, so it would be okay if you were the one who got there first?

Harvey Specter:
It would have been okay if you got there first fair and square, because then I would have believed you when you said you wanted to be a team.

Louis Litt:
I do want to be a team, Harvey. That's why I helped you after.

Harvey Specter:
No, you don't! You don't want to be a team. You just want to have it both ways, because you're a disloyal rat. You always have been, and you always will, no matter what it says on your door.

Louis Litt:
Well, like you said, we've been pitted against each other since day one. You asked how many of the would make partner. Well, you know what? I don't give a sh*t about the other 49, because I'm the one who did. *I'm* the one who did.

Mike Ross:
I'm sorry that I lied to you. I'm not a con man, Louis. Every single other thing I ever told you was true. Want to know something that I've never even admitted to myself? I never learned to drive for the same reason I never went to law school. Both my parents were killed in a car accident. And ever since then, I've never been able to...

Louis Litt:
Get behind the wheel.

Mike Ross:
And then Harvey gave me a license, and I took it.

Louis Litt:
You were 11 years old. I mean, you must have felt so alone.

Mike Ross:
I thought you said you didn't believe I was an orphan.

Louis Litt:
I looked it up. I had to once I found out that you never went to law school.

Mike Ross:
You mean once you found out that I'm a fraud.

Louis Litt:
You're not a fraud, Mike. You just never went to law school.

Donna Paulsen:
I know it's not my place, but I'm here to tell you that I think you're making a mistake.

Jessica Pearson:
Is this about me not giving people time off for Columbus Day?

Donna Paulsen:
You know this isn't about that. Harvey laid it on the line with Daniel, and you didn't have his back.

Jessica Pearson:
Donna, I've had Harvey's back since the day I met him. For your information, when I found out what Daniel was up to, I had him guarantee partnership was on the table.

Donna Paulsen:
And then you let him give it to the wrong man.

Jessica Pearson:
That is on Harvey, not on me.

Donna Paulsen:
What are you talking about?

Jessica Pearson:
Daniel was worried that Harvey couldn't put the firm's best interests ahead of his own, and Harvey proved him right.

Donna Paulsen:
Or maybe you're just telling yourself that because you don't want to stand up to Daniel Hardman.

Jessica Pearson:
Donna, there's a reason why you are where you are and I am where I am, and that is because one of us sees the bigger picture.

Donna Paulsen:
You knew about Fletcher Engines?

Jessica Pearson:
What I know is that Harvey's time will come. And if this little incident gets him to think about other people for a change, then I'll take it.

Sean Cahill:
Did you come here to personally deliver my files?

Harvey Specter:
I came here to personally deliver this.

Sean Cahill:
Well, if it's an invitation to your birthday party, I think I'm busy that day.

Harvey Specter:
That's too bad. I promised the children a clown.

Katrina Bennett:
The last time I saw you, you were worried about going to prison. What did you decide to do?

Louis Litt:
I went to Harvey and Jessica, and I told them everything. What? Jessica said that I made a mistake, and they're working on a way out.

Katrina Bennett:
Louis, have you seen any mafia movie ever made?

Louis Litt:
I'm not really a fan of the genre. I find it to be a little offensive to Italians...

Katrina Bennett:
Shut up, and listen. She's telling you to your face she'll let you live, but behind your back, she's making plans to whack you.

Louis Litt:
Dear Harvey and Jessica, there comes a time when a man must look at himself in the mirror, to judge himself instead of waiting to be judged by others. And for me, that time is now. You both know I came to Pearson Specter right out of law school, but what you may not know is this is the only place I've ever worked. It's the only place I've ever wanted to work. It is my life It is my home And the people that work here are my family. You're like my parents. And the partners, they're like my brothers, and associates under my care are like my children. And I'm ashamed to admit it, but I put all of you in jeopardy for my own personal gain. I told myself it was for the greater good, but the truth is I just wanted to feel on the same level as both of you, I I can deny that no longer. I can excuse my actions no longer. Although we've had our differences over the years, there are no two people I respect more. Your names are on the wall for a reason, and mine is not for a reason. And I refuse to put either one of you through the pain of having to fire me. So effective immediately, I, Louis Litt, am resigning from Pearson Specter. Please take care of my home.

Louis Litt:
Harvey, I can explain.

Harvey Specter:
Explain what, that you put the firm in jeopardy all because you had to be the hero?

Louis Litt:
I didn't do it to be the hero. I didn't even know I was gonna do it at all.

Harvey Specter:
What?

Louis Litt:
The deal was closed, and you were so happy we won. Then I went back that night, Forstman said if I didn't funnel the money overseas, the deal was off, so I did it.

Harvey Specter:
There's more.

Jessica Pearson:
How do you know there's more?

Harvey Specter:
Because with Forstman there's always more.

Louis Litt:
He made me take a million dollars out of the deal so I couldn't turn on him later.

Jessica Pearson:
Jesus Christ.

Louis Litt:
I had no choice!

Harvey Specter:
Bullshit, you had no choice! You could've said no at any goddamn point along the way, but you didn't, because all you cared about was yourself.

Louis Litt:
Okay, if I care about myself so much, how come I'm in here telling you that I'm gonna confess?

Harvey Specter:
You want to confess? Be my guest!

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, that's enough. Louis. the problem with that is that we're innocent. Cahill's plan is to throw mud against the wall and see what sticks. You tell him about what you did, and all of a sudden, everything sticks.

Donna Paulsen:
Harvey, I don't even know what exactly Louis did.

Harvey Specter:
He broke the law to close Forstman.

Donna Paulsen:
He broke it or Forstman made him break it?

Harvey Specter:
What's the goddamn difference?

Donna Paulsen:
Harvey...

Harvey Specter:
You don't have to say it, Donna, I've heard it a thousand times. Louis only did this to get my approval. And you know what, I don't give a sh*t that I agreed to be his best man. He put you, me, and every one of us in jeopardy to get what he wanted.

Charles Forstman:
What do you want, Harvey?

Harvey Specter:
I want you to undo the dirty deal you made with Louis Litt.

Charles Forstman:
Dirty deal. Doesn't sound like me at all.

Harvey Specter:
How does prison sound? Because the S. E. C. is gonna get a record of the sh*t you pulled tomorrow morning.

Charles Forstman:
There is no record, 'cause I didn't do anything. Louis Litt came to me, and he's the one who embezzled money.

Harvey Specter:
And your grudge isn't with Louis. It's with me, so let him go. Live to fight me another day.

Charles Forstman:
If I let him off, I let you off, and I don't think I want to do that.

Harvey Specter:
Then you're forcing me to turn you in for what you did 12 years ago.

Charles Forstman:
No way. You're not gonna do that, because you did it too, pal.

Harvey Specter:
You're right, I did. But if you did it to Louis and you did it to me, you did it to a hundred others. And if you don't do what I'm asking, I'll just have to find the one in a hundred that's in a position to turn on you.

Donna Paulsen:
Louis, I understand why you did what you did.

Louis Litt:
You do?

Donna Paulsen:
Yes. You went down a path with the best intentions, and then it just got worse and worse until it was too late.

Louis Litt:
Feel like sh*t.

Donna Paulsen:
And you should.

Louis Litt:
What? But you just said...

Donna Paulsen:
I understand? I do. But I don't think you understand that every other time you screwed up, it was a mistake, and this time, it was a choice!

Sean Cahill:
You got Judge Hopkins to let you start depositions on your malicious prosecution bullshit?

Harvey Specter:
He didn't think it was bullshit, which is why he's letting me start with your boyfriend Eric Woodall.

Sean Cahill:
You trying to take my eye off the ball, Harvey?

Harvey Specter:
This is the ball, Sean. It's a wrecking ball, and it's headed your way

Harvey Specter:
How long have you worked for the S. E. C.

Eric Woodall:
Two months.

Jessica Pearson:
And where were you before that?

Eric Woodall:
I worked at the U. S. attorneys' office.

Harvey Specter:
Until I got you fired for malicious prosecution.

Eric Woodall:
You didn't get me fired. You slandered me to a person in power, which caused me to leave a job I loved.

Harvey Specter:
To avoid getting fired.

Louis Litt:
I read the Eric Woodall deposition, and I thought I could help.

Jessica Pearson:
Help what?

Louis Litt:
You're here to shut down Sean Cahill, and he's not gonna give up without a fight.

Jessica Pearson:
Louis, I don't have time for this. So take your arguments and get the hell out of here.

Louis Litt:
Please, Jessica, I want to help.

Jessica Pearson:
I don't need your help. We're about to put this thing to bed.

Louis Litt:
And I feel responsible.

Jessica Pearson:
You *are* responsible. You are the entire reason we are in jeopardy, and you want to sit your stupid face in front of Cahill? You may as well wear a sign that says "depose me next". And if he does that, you will tumble like a House of Cards, because you are ruled by your emotions, and that is the reason why we are in this situation in the first place.

Mike Ross:
You know what I think?

Harvey Specter:
What?

Mike Ross:
I think we both could've used a better lawyer in that deposition.

Sean Cahill:
Eric, obviously these allegations are crazy.

Eric Woodall:
Of course they are.

Sean Cahill:
So just... Prove it to 'em you've got nothing to hide.

Eric Woodall:
[Cornered] This is ridiculous. I am not gonna dignify... I'm your boss!

Sean Cahill:
[to Harvey and Mike] Gentlemen, give me a minute.

Mike Ross:
Yep. And by a minute, he means 10 to 15 years.

Harvey Specter:
[At Woodall] In about a half an hour, you're gonna need a really good lawyer. And when that happens, don't call me.

Sheila Sazs:
You crossed out Jaime and Cersei Lannister.

Louis Litt:
I thought they were too controversial a couple.

Louis Litt:
I'm going to sue you. I'm going to sue you for sucking!

Mike Ross:
Can you pass the sugar?

Rachel Zane:
[Not paying attention] Yeah, of course.

Mike Ross:
Okay, how 'bout that milk?

Rachel Zane:
Sounds great.

Mike Ross:
How would you feel about me dating other women now that we're living together and all?

Rachel Zane:
Pizza's perfect.

Louis Litt:
Norma, it's Louis. Louis Litt, your boss. Don't play your games with me now, woman. I'm due for closing arguments and I need you to stall. No, you do not pull the fire alarm as a tactic, okay? I need you to just buy me ten minutes without committing a crime.

[both characters are high, eating]

Mike Ross:
The whole bag? How do you even do that man? I've got like crazy cotton mouth right now.

Harvey Specter:
[Harvey with mouth full] Harvey Specter doesn't get cotton mowf.

Mike Ross:
[mocking] Cotton mowf?

Harvey Specter:
No.

Mike Ross:
[laughs] I guess Harvey Specter does get cotton mowf.

Harvey Specter:
[still with mouth full] I can't help it these preztels...

Mike Ross:
[both characters in unison] are making me [louder emphasis] thirsty! [both laugh]

Donna Paulsen:
I'm sorry I don't have a photographic memory, but my brain is already busy being awesome.

Harvey Specter:
[takes a drag from a joint] Is this the coffee cart guy?

Harvey Specter:
You know what, I know what we're gonna do. I'm going to get the can opener.

Mike Ross:
Are you serious right now? You're not messing with me? You're finally going to tell me what you do with that can opener?

Harvey Specter:
Do I look serious?

Mike Ross:
You look stoned.

Harvey Specter:
I am. But I never joke about the can opener. Come on! Let's go, let's go, come on. What we do is-.

Louis Litt:
If you were a narcissist with great hair, what would your password be?

Harvey Specter:
To the firm of Pearson Kiss My Ass.

Jessica Pearson:
You go, I go.

Daniel Hardman:
I'll go. But don't kid yourself that this is the last page of the story.

Daniel Hardman:
Someday he'll make the first move on you.

Harvey Specter:
I want to know why Liberty Rail has a video of you in their file room.

Donna Paulsen:
What are you talking about?

Harvey Specter:
I'm talking the fact that our smoking gun just became inadmissible.

Donna Paulsen:
Harvey...

Harvey Specter:
How'd you get those documents?

Donna Paulsen:
Are you asking if I did something illegal? Because I didn't.

Harvey Specter:
Well, they went to the D. A. , which means they think you did, so I'm gonna ask you one more time, how did you get in their file room?

Donna Paulsen:
By walking through the door they buzzed open.

Harvey Specter:
And why would they do that?

Donna Paulsen:
Because I'm me.

Harvey Specter:
What the hell does that mean?

Donna Paulsen:
It means that I led the woman to believe that I was an official from Washington.

Harvey Specter:
Led them to believe it, or flat out told them? Because one kills our case and the other puts you in a world of sh*t.

Donna Paulsen:
Harvey, I'm not an idiot, and I don't appreciate being treated like one. I told you I didn't do anything illegal, and I didn't.

Harvey Specter:
They're gonna claim fraud or theft or any number of things.

Mike Ross:
What are you gonna do?

Harvey Specter:
I'm making a deal to drop this case, that's what I'm gonna do, and you're gonna file the paperwork as soon as I do.

Mike Ross:
So you're just gonna let this woman blackmail you without a fight?

Harvey Specter:
You're damn right I am.

Mike Ross:
Harvey, we can still win this case and clear...

Harvey Specter:
There is no case, and I wouldn't give a sh*t about it if there was. I care about Donna.

Mike Ross:
And you think I don't?

Harvey Specter:
You care so much for her? Then draw up those papers, because I'm letting Evan know it's over.

Louis Litt:
Zipadeedoodah or Grab My Sack?

Donna Paulsen:
What?

Louis Litt:
Messenger service. Which one do we use?

Harvey Specter:
I'm here to tell you you made your point.

Evan Smith:
And what point is that?

Harvey Specter:
If you drop any charges against Donna, we'll drop the lawsuit against you.

Evan Smith:
Well, that's not a very even trade.

Harvey Specter:
I'm giving your client the chance to get away with murder.

Evan Smith:
Last I checked, my client wasn't being charged with murder, and I don't need you to drop your suit, because you have no case.

Harvey Specter:
No case? Your client put a faulty train on those tracks, people died, and they knew it could happen the whole time.

Evan Smith:
And you have no proof.

Harvey Specter:
And where I come from, you cut a deal with me to make sure I stop looking.

Evan Smith:
Then I guess we come from different places, because I didn't give that video to the district attorney to leverage you into a deal. I did it to blow you out of the water.

Harvey Specter:
Where's Mike. Did he file those papers?

Donna Paulsen:
I-I-I don't know. He's not even in yet.

Harvey Specter:
Well, you tell him not to file anything, and you tell him to do whatever he has to to stick it to that woman.

Harvey Specter:
How can I take care of it if you don't tell me the goddamn truth?

Donna Paulsen:
Do you think that I didn't want to tell you the truth?

Harvey Specter:
Then why didn't you?

Donna Paulsen:
Because I was ashamed. I know that it sounds stupid, but you and Mike and everyone pull these rabbits out of your hats all the time, and I just sit outside, and I answer the phones. And then I got those documents, and people said I saved the day. And the next thing I knew, you were on my doorstep coming at me like I was some sort of criminal, and I panicked, and I lied.

Harvey Specter:
This just got a thousand times harder for me to get out of."

Donna Paulsen:
You mean for you to get me out of.

Harvey Specter:
Donna, you of all people should understand by now that to me they're the same thing.

Leah:
I thought nobody puts baby in the corner.

Jessica Pearson:
Since when am I "baby"?

Leah:
Since you're sitting in the corner.

Jessica Pearson:
Leah, I'm not like Dad, and I'm tired of hearing it.

Leah:
I know you always say you're not like him, but here you are scrubbing up for the next surgery instead of fighting for the man that you love.

Jessica Pearson:
You know what? Most sisters would say, "I'm sorry, Jessica," and then give me a hug.

Leah:
Jessica, I am sorry that you're hurting, and if you want something sugarcoated, I'll order you dessert, but that is not how we show support.

Jessica Pearson:
You're right. We show it by telling each other what we think, so...

Leah:
And what I think is, two days ago, this man loved you. So unless you cheated on him, stole from him, or killed somebody, it seems to me the two of you should be able to get past whatever it is you did do.

Donna Paulsen:
Norma's still out, isn't she?

Louis Litt:
Her goddamn sister tripped and fell in the tub, and she went to help. It's like she doesn't even care about me at all.

Jessica Pearson:
When you love a woman, can you stand the thought of her being with another man?

Louis Litt:
No.

Jessica Pearson:
Well, Louis, Van Dyke is trying to get into Pearson Specter's pants. What are you going to do about it?

Louis Litt:
I'm gonna put on a goddamn chastity belt.

Mike Ross:
Goddamn it. Harvey's trying to roll back the T. R. O.

Amy:
No, it's not Harvey. Check the docket. It's some woman named Lois Litt.

Mike Ross:
Yeah. I know how to handle her.

Eric Woodall:
I don't even have jurisdiction over that department. That department's run by a man name Sean Cahill.

Harvey Specter:
So all on his own, Sean Cahill just happened to target my firm?

Eric Woodall:
Well, he is a killer attorney with a nose for sleazy lawyers, and I should know. We came up together at the Justice Department. You know, that little governmental agency that protects their own?

Harvey Specter:
Well, Eric, your big brother couldn't protect you from getting fired before, and I don't see how this is gonna be any different, and by the way, that's yesterday's paper.

Jessica Pearson:
You tell me that you didn't lie because we never directly asked you the question, and I will knock your head off.

Louis Litt:
You want me to get your T. R. O. removed.

Harvey Specter:
How do you know that?

Louis Litt:
Because you pissed off judge Ramos and now she can't stand you.

Harvey Specter:
How do you know *that*?

Louis Litt:
Oh, because I keep a list of your enemies. You want to see it?

Donna Paulsen:
Am I to assume I'm getting my own personal Litt-up mug?

Louis Litt:
Absolutely not. Those are mere mugs. This, My Lady, is a chalice.

Harvey Specter:
Mike has access to Forstman and his $4 billion. Logan's on his way over to discuss our next move, which we can't make for two more weeks because Louis thought Sheila was marrying Lorenzo Lamas, but I just got a mug with something stupid printed on it, so now everything's okay.

Harvey Specter:
Louis, how the hell did you get him to go for it?

Louis Litt:
We found common ground.

Harvey Specter:
One more thing. Charles Forstman got the Litt the hell up.

Mike Ross:
I'm just saying, if you're going to quote a movie, quote a movie.

Harvey Specter:
I got one word wrong.

Mike Ross:
And it changed the entire meaning of the quote!

Harvey Specter:
Not to me it didn't. That's what I thought the quote was.

Mike Ross:
Okay, fine, you want to be disrespectful to Martin Scorsese, you go right ahead.

Harvey Specter:
Martin Scorsese didn't even right the damn movie. If anything, it's disrespectful to the writer.

Mike Ross:
Harvey, who cares about the writer?

Harvey Specter:
Hm. Guess you're right about that.

Harvey Specter:
What's this?

Mike Ross:
Oh, it's only the greatest gift you've ever received.

Harvey Specter:
Better than MJ's jersey from the 63-point game?

Mike Ross:
If this folder had played in that game, it would have scored 80 points.

Harvey Specter:
Okay, I don't even know what that means.

Dana Scott:
I'm a friend who is not going to give you my case 14 seconds after you give me a scarf.

Louis Litt:
No, no, no, it's not a scarf. It's one of the world's finest pashminas.

Dana Scott:
I don't care if it's the world's only pashmina. You're not getting this case.

Rachel Zane:
So are you gonna get something for Harvey?

Mike Ross:
I want to, but what do you get the man who has everything?

Rachel Zane:
The same thing you got me.

Mike Ross:
A picture of him dressed as a mouse?

Donna Paulsen:
Now what can Donna do for you?

Mike Ross:
I need the perfect gift.

Donna Paulsen:
Mm. Who is it? Rachel? Something personal, preferably a picture from her father.

Mike Ross:
How could you possibly-...

Donna Paulsen:
Jessica? Simple and elegant. Or wild and crazy, the choice is yours. Louis? Oh, God, doesn't matter. Just get him anything. He'll cry for days.

Mike Ross:
What about Harvey?

Donna Paulsen:
There is no gift for Harvey. He gets what he wants, and he doesn't want what he doesn't get. And my knowing that is the only gift he'll ever need from me.

Louis Litt:
I want to know where I fall in the pecking order with regard to Dana Scott.

Jessica Pearson:
There is no pecking order. I don't look at things that way.

Louis Litt:
Great. That means I'm behind her because she's banging Harvey.

Jessica Pearson:
I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear that.

Jessica Pearson:
Louis, did it ever occur to you that these situations may sometimes be a result of your own doing?

Louis Litt:
What on God's green earth are you talking about?

Jessica Pearson:
You have an opportunity to bond with our newest senior partner or make a permanent enemy of her. And I'm saying, in the past, you've generally chosen the enemy route.

Louis Litt:
Can you give me a specific?

Jessica Pearson:
Off the top of my head?

Louis Litt:
Mm-hmm.

Jessica Pearson:
Pemberton, Yates, Cohen, Duffner, Ramirez-...

Louis Litt:
That's five isolated incidents.

Jessica Pearson:
Robinson, Jenkins, Gardner...

Louis Litt:
Okay, okay, fine.

Judge:
I'm ready to hear pretrial motions.

Elliott Stemple:
Motion to substitute counsel, your honor.

Judge:
On what grounds?

Harvey Specter:
On the grounds that he's a p*ssy.

Louis Litt:
If you value this friendship at all, you would stay out of it, because I'm going to the mattresses against Dana Scott.

Harvey Specter:
Mattresses? Have you been watching The Godfather?

Louis Litt:
Yeah, I've been trying to come up with some common ground to expand our friendship, sue me.

Louis Litt:
Yeah, you want to play it this way, fine. But if you think you can outsmart me, you're gonna get Litt up.

Katrina Bennett:
Litt the hell up.

Dana Scott:
Litt up? Litt. Oh. Oh, my God, that is so cute. I'm gonna go make fun of it on my Facebook page right now. Thank you.

Dana Scott:
You really are a dick.

Louis Litt:
I'm Moby goddamn dick, and you just swam in my waters.

Harvey Specter:
I'm not the guy who give's you a hug when you're scared. I'm the guy that wins when he needed the most.

Harvey Specter:
I am the best, and I didn't get that way letting someone else call the shots.

Harvey Specter:
I'm not the guy that gives you a hug when you're scared. I'm the guy that wins when you need it the most.

Stephanie Liston:
I called you when they brought your guy in. I could lose my job for that as it is.

Donna Paulsen:
You have something else a lot more important than your job, thanks to me.

Stephanie Liston:
When are you gonna stop holding that over my head?

Donna Paulsen:
In another 30 seconds if you tell me what I need to know.

Stephanie Liston:
Okay. He's got nothing. But the thing is, he wins with nothing.

Donna Paulsen:
You just said he hates dirty lawyers, and now you're saying he'll break the law?

Stephanie Liston:
He may, he may not. But he'll definitely bend the sh*t out of it.

Dana Scott:
I know we got in a fight, but drinking before 10:00 a.m., is that really the answer?

Harvey Specter:
It is on Mad Men. Who's that guy think he is anyway?

Louis Litt:
It's not like Harvey to miss a meeting.

Jessica Pearson:
Thank you, Louis. I'll look into it.

Louis Litt:
You see, that's just it. I think something might be wrong with him.

Jessica Pearson:
You mean like he's a spy?

Louis Litt:
No, Jessica, listen. Ever since my heart attack, I've been worrying about other people's health. And I'd ask Donna, but I don't wanna burden her with the knowledge of his mortality.

Jessica Pearson:
You don't think Donna knows Harvey can die?

Louis Litt:
Look, Jessica, I know Harvey appears to be lean and relatively fit, but coronary disease can strike even the most handsome.

Jessica Pearson:
Louis, listen to me. Harvey isn't sick. He didn't have a heart attack. And if he missed that meeting, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.

Louis Litt:
I'm sure you're right. I'm gonna go check my blood pressure.

Mike Ross:
Sorry about this, Harvey.

Harvey Specter:
Could have been worse.

Mike Ross:
You thought they had me for being a fraud?

Harvey Specter:
Well, I didn't think they had you for overdue library books. Why'd you go with them in the first place? Didn't your grandmother ever teach you not to get into cars with strangers?

Mike Ross:
I was being cooperative.

Harvey Specter:
Well, don't do that again.

Harvey Specter:
Listen to me, you son of a b*tch. You pulled out a gun and threatened to shoot my guy, and I don't give a sh*t if you didn't mean to shoot it, because it went off.

Louis Litt:
Jesus Christ, you know, you drive like my Nana - he drives like my Nana, and she's 102.

Harvey Specter:
Relax, Louis. Ray's on it. Nobody's getting us there faster.

Louis Litt:
This is just ridiculous. If Harold isn't broken by now, I'll sh*t my pants.

Harvey Specter:
If Harold's broken, then when we get there, Mike's gonna be on his way to prison.

Louis Litt:
Someone needs to get in there and hold his hand.

Harvey Specter:
Not someone. You.

Louis Litt:
Are you serious? I'm the last person in the world that Harold Gunderson wants to see right now.

Harvey Specter:
Louis, when we were associates, who did you fear most?

Louis Litt:
That's easy. My mother.

Harvey Specter:
I meant in the firm.

Donna Paulsen:
Do you know why I never batted an eye when I found out Harvey had hired a kid who didn't go to law school?

Jessica Pearson:
Because you're loyal to him.

Donna Paulsen:
Because I knew what was inside him. And I thought if he had a protege...

Jessica Pearson:
He could have hired a protege from Harvard.

Donna Paulsen:
But he wouldn't have been forced to protect him."

Jessica Pearson:
And he wouldn't have become the man he is today.

Eric Woodall:
You know, they did an experiment a few years back. Took five mice, put 'em in a cage, fed them just enough to survive, and you know what happened? One by one, they cornered the weakest mouse and ate him alive. You know what you're gonna be when you get to prison, Mike? The weakest mouse.

Mike Ross:
Bullshit. They have done studies, and I've read them, and that's not what happens. The only way a mouse eats one of his own is if he's been contaminated by another species.

Eric Woodall:
Yeah, you're right. It's bullshit. But you know who believed it when I told it to him, five minutes ago? Harold.

Rachel Zane:
I just wish there was something we could do.

Jessica Pearson:
Rachel, if this thing moves forward to trial, I will do everything in my power to win. But there's two minutes left in the game, and our star players are on the field. So right now, we just have to have faith.

Rachel Zane:
We?

Jessica Pearson:
We. You're going to work here. We're going to be family. And the way to get to know your family is by being with them when their loved ones are in trouble.

Eric Woodall:
Just because you stopped Gunderson from testifying doesn't mean I'm dropping this case.

Harvey Specter:
Then don't. And I'll come after you for malicious prosecution.

Eric Woodall:
You have no basis for that.

Harvey Specter:
You arrested my client, he was here four hours, and you have no log with an outgoing call to me, all on the basis of a fabricated terrorism claim. Now, if that's not malicious, I don't know what is.

Eric Woodall:
You say what you want. You're a dirty lawyer, and now you're on my radar.

Harvey Specter:
If I'm a dirty lawyer, then you're looking in the mirror.

Jessica Pearson:
Hey, honey, I'm home. Did you remember to pick up the kids like I asked?

Harvey Specter:
Yep. The youngest one's turning into a real pain in the ass.

Harvey Specter:
You want a drink?

Dana Scott:
They do it on Mad Men,right?

[last lines]

Mike Ross:
I don't think you realize, but I'm not exactly leaving.

Harvey Specter:
Sidwell. You're a client.

Mike Ross:
Which means technically, you work for me now.

Harvey Specter:
No, I don't.

Mike Ross:
No, I don't, *boss*.

Harvey Specter:
Don't even try it.

Mike Ross:
Or "sir". Whichever feels least comfortable.

Harvey Specter:
You know, since I'm working alone now, I guess that makes me Superman.

Mike Ross:
Or Aquaman, seeing as you're in over your head.

Harvey Specter:
Do you know how we won World War II?

Mike Ross:
Yeah, of course, Spock didn't let Kirk save Joan Collins from getting hit by that car.

Harvey Specter:
Wrong, we'd already won. Kirk just would've changed the course of history.

Charles Forstman:
What are you practicing for?

Harvey Specter:
To bend people to my will

Donna Paulsen:
Today's your lucky day.

Harvey Specter:
Why is that?

Donna Paulsen:
Because it's the day you get to meet Donna.

Harvey Specter:
Let me guess. You're Donna

Donna Paulsen:
Oh, you have no idea how Donna I am.

Harvey Specter:
Well, Donna, I'm Harvey - - Harvey Specter.

Donna Paulsen:
You really think I'd be talking to you if I didn't know who you were?

Harvey Specter:
And how exactly do you know about me?

Donna Paulsen:
I know about everybody. What I don't know is why this is the first case you ever took to trial.

Harvey Specter:
Because it was a white-collar crime, not some drug dealer on a corner, which makes it the kind of case...

Donna Paulsen:
...That puts your name in the paper.

Harvey Specter:
You're not just a pretty face, are you?

Donna Paulsen:
No, I'm not.

Harvey Specter:
Let's talk about you.

Donna Paulsen:
Ooh, my favorite subject.

Harvey Specter:
You know what I think? I think your favorite subject didn't come up to me just to find out why I went to trial. You want something.

Donna Paulsen:
I sure do.

Harvey Specter:
And I think I might be ready to give it to you.

Donna Paulsen:
It's not sex.

Harvey Specter:
Then never mind.

Louis Litt:
Norma's dead.

Donna Paulsen:
What?

Louis Litt:
She died this morning taking care of her sister.

Donna Paulsen:
Oh, Louis, I'm so sorry.

Louis Litt:
You don't need to fake it, Donna.

Donna Paulsen:
I'm not faking it. She was a sweet woman.

Louis Litt:
She was a frickin' battle-ax is what she was. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't want to rip out one of her varicose veins and strangle her with it.

Louis Litt:
Look at this. It's her entire estate laid out on paper. She couldn't manage my calendar, but this crap fest she plans within an inch of her life.

Donna Paulsen:
And you want me to make sure these things are bequeathed properly?

Louis Litt:
You can stuff them in a giant pi?ata for all I care. I have to go find the perfect urn to throw her ashes off the top of the building.

Donna Paulsen:
She requested that?

Louis Litt:
No, she wanted them to be in here with me, but like hell I'm gonna do that.

Charles Forstman:
We're not a good fit, 'cause restaurants fail, and when this one does, you'll leave. So you might as well leave right now.

Harvey Specter:
Then how about we bet on it?

Charles Forstman:
You're gonna gamble on something to get your brother out of a gambling problem?

Harvey Specter:
I didn't say I had a problem.

Mortician:
[Louis is urn shopping] Have you made a decision, sir?

Louis Litt:
No, I haven't made a decision, you shyster dealer of death.

Donna Paulsen:
Okay, I think maybe we're gonna need another minute.

Louis Litt:
No, we don't. I don't need another minute to see that this looks like a pot from Home Depot, this looks like a lamp from Motel 6, and this looks like a goddamn howitzer shell. You are lucky that I don't take this mockery of a final resting place and shove it up your ass.

Charles Forstman:
You're wearing a goddamn wire?

Harvey Specter:
For someone whose favorite movie is Wall Street, that's got to be pretty embarrassing.

Charles Forstman:
Son of a b*tch.

Harvey Specter:
You may have gotten the better of me 12 years ago, Charles, but this time, you didn't. So remember what it feels like, because I know I will.

Charles Forstman:
Harvey, this isn't over.

Harvey Specter:
Words spoken by every loser I've ever met.

Harvey Specter:
Someday the shoe's gonna be on the other foot, Charles.

Charles Forstman:
Words spoken by every loser I've ever met.

Donna Paulsen:
Here's the deal. I will take a bullet for you. And I don't mean that literally. But what you do for me is, when I need something, you give it to me. It's not just a one-way street.

Harvey Specter:
Will you also do some actual secretarial work?

Donna Paulsen:
Take a look at what I did with your calendar there, hotshot.

Harvey Specter:
Holy sh*t. When'd you get that done?

Donna Paulsen:
I told you I'm not like every other secretary. I'm Donna.

Walter Gillis:
But I'll tell you right now, the answer is no.

Mike Ross:
Good.

Walter Gillis:
Why good?

Mike Ross:
Because a yes is always so much better when it starts as a no.

Jessica Pearson:
You are not my hair-gelled partner in crime.

Rachel Zane:
I haven't used hair gel since ninth grade. [Jessica gives her a look] I was trying to avoid the frizzy look.

Donna Paulsen:
I used mousse in high school. It was the '90s.

Rachel Zane:
Was it?

Donna Paulsen:
I heard that.

Mike Ross:
That's bullshit. This deal is solid.

Jonathan Sidwell:
No, what's bullshit is you've been here for three months. All you've done is hit singles, and I need a goddamn home run.

Jessica Pearson:
Where is he?

Rachel Zane:
Donna said that he had a morning meeting outside of the office.

Rachel Zane:
And where is Donna?

Donna Paulsen:
Right here. I prefer to appear at the exact moment I'm needed.

Jessica Pearson:
I wish I could say the same for Harvey.

Katrina Bennett:
I found out the name of the man Woodall's sending after us: Jeff Malone.

Louis Litt:
Jeff Malone is a beast.

Katrina Bennett:
Well, the only way to beat a beast is with a bigger beast.

Louis Litt:
I need to get in there before everyone else and let Harvey and Jessica know that I had the foresight to look for it, the cunning to find it, and the balls to stop it.

Katrina Bennett:
Then you take on Malone. Next stop: Name partner. Pearson Specter Litt.

Katrina Bennett:
Okay, you know what? Just let's not count our chickens before they hatch. But just for shits and giggles, say it one more time. Leave out Specter.

Harvey Specter:
A man like Walter Gillis isn't gonna listen to a guy like you offering to save him with sunshine and rainbows.

Mike Ross:
That's exactly what you said to me before I got him to sell me his distribution centers.

Harvey Specter:
Congratulations. You got to walk his dog. That doesn't mean he's gonna let you marry his daughter.

Harvey Specter:
I don't want to talk about it.

Donna Paulsen:
You mean about how everything I said would happen happened, and now you realize I was right the whole time?

Harvey Specter:
No one likes a gloater, Donna.

Donna Paulsen:
Well, then I guess the Harvey Specter University of gloating is gonna have to shut down.

Harvey Specter:
I can still give lectures on the weekend. You want to hear it? You were right.

Harvey Specter:
Logan, let me give you the ABCs of me. I don't take meetings. I set them. And my respect isn't demanded. It's earned.

Logan Sanders:
That's only two things. What's "C"?

Harvey Specter:
"C" is for people who show me they know "A" and "B".

Logan Sanders:
Well, since we're quoting Jerry Maguire, all I want is for you to show me the money.

Katrina Bennett:
Guess who stopped by yesterday for an impromptu meeting with Jessica and Harvey.

Louis Litt:
Please tell me it was Dick Cheney.

Katrina Bennett:
Why would you want it to be Dick Cheney?

Louis Litt:
Why wouldn't I want it to be Iron Dick? Holy sh*t, I think I know who you were talking about.

Katrina Bennett:
I think you do too.

Louis Litt:
Is it a certain S.E.C. beast whose name happens to rhyme with schmeff schmalone?

Katrina Bennett:
Schmess it is, and schmess it does.

Louis Litt:
Well, schmuck me.

Jeff Malone:
What are you so afraid of?

Jessica Pearson:
Do I have to draw you a picture? I'm not the one that made up the saying "you don't sh*t where you eat".

Jeff Malone:
Am I the sh*t or the food in this little painting of yours?

Harvey Specter:
So he's seen you naked?

Jessica Pearson:
That's usually how these things work. Are you picturing me naked right now?

Harvey Specter:
Maybe. Yes.

Jessica Pearson:
Go wash your hands. Don't spend too much time in that bathroom.

Harvey Specter:
I'm inclined to give you a shot, but what if I decide to go another way?

Mike Ross:
I'd say that's fair. Sometimes I like to hang out with people who aren't that bright, you know, just to see how the other half lives.

Harvey Specter:
Donna, I need the - [Donna hands him an envelope]

Harvey Specter:
Oh, also I didn't have a chance to - [Donna hands him coffee]

Harvey Specter:
Marry me?

Donna Paulsen:
I took care of that too. We've been married for the last seven years.

Mike Ross:
Oh, and you don't give a damn about the client, right?

Harvey Specter:
It's not my job.

Mike Ross:
Does your job include giving a damn about me, because the least you could do is offer to stand up to Louis for me.

Harvey Specter:
Stand up for you? I put my ass on the line for you. But it turns out you may have had the balls to get this job, but you don't have the courage to stick it out when it gets tough.

Harvey Specter:
So I'd say the ball's in your court, but the truth is your balls are in my fist. Now I apologize if that image is too pansy for you, but I'm comfortable enough with my manhood to put it out there.

Harvey Specter:
How did you know that?

Mike Ross:
I learned it. When I studied. For the bar.

Harvey Specter:
Why take the bar?

Mike Ross:
This d*ckhead bet me I couldn't pass it without going to law school.

Harvey Specter:
Jessica, if you hadn't done as much for me as you have, I'd be heading out the door.

Jessica Pearson:
If I hadn't done as much for you as I have, I'd be throwing you out the window.

Harvey Specter:
Are you telling me that if I throw you under the bus, you're gonna drag me with you?

Mike Ross:
You put your interests above mine, and I'm putting them back up next to yours.

Harvey Specter:
You're rehired.

Harvey Specter:
Okay, I have two words for you: absolutely beautiful.

Jessica Pearson:
You think you're the only one who can charm a client?

Harvey Specter:
Categorically stunning.

Jessica Pearson:
How's the new kid working out?

Harvey Specter:
Really hot.

Jessica Pearson:
You're an idiot.

Harvey Specter:
Jessica Pearson.

Jessica Pearson:
Goodnight, Harvey.

Rachel Zane:
This is gonna take a while. We're gonna need dinner.

Mike Ross:
Chinese.

Rachel Zane:
No. I can afford Chinese on my own. This is on the firm. I want sushi.

Harvey Specter:
So if you wanna quit, go ahead. But this isn't because of Louis, and it isn't because of me. It's because you're afraid you might have to admit you're not as smart as you think you are.

Louis Litt:
It's nine thirty and now he's showing up two hours after we open for business, and I see that you're also trying to look like a pimp.

Harvey Specter:
My bad Louis, I was out late last night and when I woke up this is the suit your wife picked out for me.

Louis Litt:
And that would be funny, if i'd actually been married.

Harvey Specter:
You're not married?

Trevor:
That's the best cheeseburger I've had in my life.

Mike Ross:
That's from Monday, Trevor.

Trevor:
I have a client coming in from out of town and I can't meet him and I need someone I can trust to make the drop. It's totally safe.

Mike Ross:
Trevor, a person is more likely to die while dealing drugs than they would be on death row. In Texas.

Mike Ross:
I hear someone's not taking their pills.

Edith Ross:
Because they're trying to poison me.

Mike Ross:
Grammy, that's crazy. Dr. Schrager gave me her word, she wouldn't poison you until January. She does it before then, she can't count it towards next year's quota.

Gerald:
We keep offering them more money, they keep rejecting it. It's last-minute bad faith bullshit.

Harvey Specter:
Says here that Cooper won't be staying on as Honorary Vice-President.

Gerald:
That's right, I don't want him around.

Harvey Specter:
He wouldn't be around, it's an honorary position.

Gerald:
I don't give a sh*t.

Harvey Specter:
Well, I think you do because that's what's changed since I left, which means it's *you* who's been dealing in bad faith.

Trevor:
Dude, look at me. You can burn bud and still be a success.

Mike Ross:
You sell pot for a living.

Trevor:
Still saps the motivation. All I'm saying is, you want in, you are in.

Mike Ross:
You know, that is word for word your offer before I got caught cheating on your math test in the 3rd grade.

Young Man:
What did you get me?

Mike Ross:
What I said I was gonna get you. A 158.

Young Man:
I told you I wanted a 175.

Mike Ross:
And I told you only 1 out of 100 people can score that. You're a B minus student, you got 1,000 on your SATs, if I get you a 175, they'll know you cheated.

Young Man:
So only a genius loser can get a 175?

Mike Ross:
Actually, no. I would get a 180.

Jessica Pearson:
Recruiting. Harvey, your interviews are set up for tomorrow.

Harvey Specter:
What? Why don't we just hire the Harvard summer associate douche?

Jessica Pearson:
I think if you listen to the phrasing of that question, you'll come up with an answer.

Harvey Specter:
We need people who think on their feet, not another clone with a rod up his ass.

Louis Litt:
Harvey, the fact that we only hire from Harvard gives us a cache that's a little more valuable than hiring a kid from Rutgers.

Jessica Pearson:
[to Harvey] *You* went to Harvard Law.

Harvey Specter:
I'm an exception.

Harvey Specter:
We're gonna need to streamline this. Give each guy a hard time before you send them back. Give me a wink if they say something clever. Cool?

Donna Paulsen:
Okay. What are you looking for?

Harvey Specter:
Another me.

Harvey Specter:
Excuse me, why are you scratching off the 'senior' off my door?

Worker:
I got a work order to take it off.

Harvey Specter:
Who issued the work order?

Worker:
My supervisor.

Harvey Specter:
Why did he issue the work order?

Worker:
If I knew that, I'd be his supervisor.

Harvey Specter:
Didn't I tell you to get some better suits?

Mike Ross:
I spent $500!

Harvey Specter:
For how many suits?

Harvey Specter:
5...

[Harvey makes a face]

Mike Ross:
What?

Harvey Specter:
I don't get emotionally attached to clients.

Mike Ross:
This woman had her life ripped apart, you don't even care?

Harvey Specter:
I'm not about caring, I'm about winning.

Mike Ross:
Why can't you be about both?

Harvey Specter:
I'd explain it to you but then I'd have to care about you.

Mike Ross:
Right.

Harvey Specter:
The investigator and every person being interviewed answers to the CEO they're investigating. That is the definition of duress. [Making his way over to Herman, the bailiff] It'd be as if your bailiff accused you of sexual harassment and you assigned your stenographer to investigate. Now, how likely would it be that this investigation yielded any fruit?

Judge:
You honestly think I would harass Herman?

Harvey Specter:
Well, I don't know, your honor, some people have a thing for the uniform.

Mike Ross:
I feel like Michael Corleone in that scene where that fat guy teaches him how to shoot that gun.

Harvey Specter:
Are you saying that I'm the fat guy? 'Cause I'm not the fat guy.

Mike Ross:
Do you know what his name was?

Harvey Specter:
Yeah.

Mike Ross:
Cordoza.

Harvey Specter:
Clemenza.

Mike Ross:
I knew that, I was just testing to see if you knew it.

Harvey Specter:
I knew that you knew that I knew.

Mike Ross:
Mr. Hunt, harassment is a civil violation; the penalty is money. But witness tampering, that's a crime. And you will go to prison, where I guarantee you'll learn more about unwanted sexual advances than you can possibly imagine.

Mike Ross:
So does this make us partners?

Harvey Specter:
Don't move your things into Wayne Manor just yet...

Mike Ross:
So now you're Batman?

Harvey Specter:
Play the man, not the odds.

Sean Cahill:
You must be the infamous Harvey Specter.

Harvey Specter:
And you must be the chump Eric Woodall ordered to come after me.

Harvey Specter:
You haven't taken Forstman's money yet. He's got some kind of gun to your head, and you're just trying to use his promise of cash as leverage against me.

Mike Ross:
This isn't a bluff, Harvey. I came here to give you a way out.

Harvey Specter:
You came here to give yourself a way out.

Louis Litt:
Donna Victoria Paulsen, you have never been more beautiful and talented and perfect than you are at this very moment. Your time is now. And you're gonna kill it.

Donna Paulsen:
Thank you, Louis.

Louis Litt:
No. Thank you.

Donna Paulsen:
My middle name is Roberta.

Donna Paulsen:
So what's on your mind?

Mike Ross:
Okay, so I'm trying to plan something special for our wedding.

Donna Paulsen:
What? We're getting married? Mike, this is so sudden. I'm gonna have to think about it. And what about Rachel? Oh, who cares about Rachel? - I love you!

Mike Ross:
Are you finished?

Donna Paulsen:
Do I have to be?

Mike Ross:
Donna, I'm serious.

Harvey Specter:
Who the hell is Sam Tull?

Gretchen Bodinski:
Tall, handsome, steely blue eyes?

Harvey Specter:
Not ringing any bells.

Gretchen Bodinski:
Well, maybe this will knock the cobwebs out. He said the last time you saw him, he was with Morello Asset Management and you threatened to kick his ass.

Harvey Specter:
You let him in my office?

Gretchen Bodinski:
Do I look like I was born yesterday? He's in the conference room under the supervision of one Rachel Zane. I told him if he didn't behave himself, I'd kick his ass myself.

Harvey Specter:
You'd do that, wouldn't you?

Gretchen Bodinski:
I sure as hell would. And if you don't get in there this second, I'll kick yours.

Mike Ross:
According to you.

Henry Gerard:
According to me is the only according to that matters.

Mike Ross:
Here we go.

Henry Gerard:
[Comes up to them] Maybe, but according to me, Viper was the real hero of that film.

Mike Ross:
So are we gonna talk about that little welcome speech that Jessica made for Louis?

Harvey Specter:
We don't have to talk about it because Louis isn't going to accept it.

Mike Ross:
Why not?

Harvey Specter:
Because it'll be a cold day in hell when he can accept being Maverick to my Iceman.

Mike Ross:
Don't - don't you mean Iceman to your Maverick?

Harvey Specter:
No, I don't.

Mike Ross:
You actually want to be Iceman over Maverick?

Harvey Specter:
Who got the trophy?

Mike Ross:
Who's the better pilot?

Harvey Specter:
The one who got the trophy.

Mike Ross:
Wrong. Because in the end, Maverick saved Iceman. If he hadn't Trophy Boy would be sitting on the bottom of the Indian Ocean right now

Harvey Specter:
Where he'd still be the man.

Harvey Specter:
The last time you saw me, you told me I wasn't fit to practice law in your ivory tower.

Henry Gerard:
What I told you was, is that you'll sacrifice ethics for wins, and right now I'm not in my ivory tower, and I need a win.

Harvey Specter:
I knew it. You're just like everybody else. The ends don't justify the means until it's your ass on the line.

Jessica Pearson:
What do you want, Louis?

Louis Litt:
I want something for continuing to cover your as

Jessica Pearson:
You got something. You got your name on the wall.

Louis Litt:
Now I want the respect that comes with it.

Henry Gerard:
So you admitted to yourself that I didn't do this?

Harvey Specter:
I've admitted to myself that you came to me because this case needs rule-bending, and you're gonna tell me why right now.

Henry Gerard:
The money.

Harvey Specter:
Yes, the money. If you weren't bribed, where the hell did you get that $25,000 from?

Henry Gerard:
ou know where it came from. It's the same thing you tried to use to blackmail me last year.

Harvey Specter:
Let me get this straight. You have an explanation for the money that would get you out of this whole thing.

Henry Gerard:
But I can't use it. [Harvey gets up] Where are you going?

Harvey Specter:
To get you out of this. Welcome to the real world, Professor.

Mike Ross:
Gloating? No, no, no. I'm not gloating. I'm merely recognizing the fact that you completely changed your mind based entirely on what I said.

Harvey Specter:
Which is gloating.

Mike Ross:
"Po-tay-to", "po-tah-to".

Mike Ross:
We can't say where the money came from?

Harvey Specter:
No, we can't, because he was playing backroom poker, and if that comes out, Harvard fires him.

Mike Ross:
Are you kidding me? He's an ethics professor, and he's breaking the law?

Harvey Specter:
Where the hell do you think my chip comes from?

Harvey Specter:
Louis, I just offered to consider giving you one of my clients, so I suggest you let Gerard go.

Louis Litt:
No, I'm not letting anything go, because it doesn't make any sense. Not only can't he stand you. He doesn't respect you because he's got things...

Harvey Specter:
What did you just say to me?

Louis Litt:
I said he doesn't respect you.

Harvey Specter:
Well, you know what? He definitely doesn't respect you, because when he told me he needed a lawyer, I tried to send him your way, and his exact words were, "I don't want Louis. I want you".

Louis Litt:
Fine. Then I'll just take another one of your clients.

Harvey Specter:
You're not taking a thing.

Louis Litt:
You just said that I could...

Harvey Specter:
Look, I don't give a sh*t what I just said, okay? My clients are my clients. And you don't get out of my office in the next three seconds, something's gonna happen between you and me, and I guarantee it won't end with you keeping all of your teeth.

Harvey Specter:
You figured this out on your own?

Mike Ross:
Well, I would've done it faster, but I had to order some sushi.

Harvey Specter:
[chuckles] "Would've done it faster". That's what you said your first week here, except it was pizza instead of sushi.

Mike Ross:
Yeah, I'm growing.

Harvey Specter:
You mean Rachel taught you how to eat.

Mike Ross:
Like I said, I'm growing.

Louis Litt:
Harvey said he wouldn't let me have any of his clients.

Donna Paulsen:
No. He said he would. But then instead of taking him up on it, you went ahead and sh*t on his feelings.

Louis Litt:
Please. Harvey doesn't have feelings.

Donna Paulsen:
You of all people should know that a person can overreact when they're hurt.

Louis Litt:
If you're referring to me, I do not overreact when...

Donna Paulsen:
Okay, whatever you say, Fatty-Baldy.

Louis Litt:
Okay, get the hell out of my office and - Fine, you have a small, legitimate point.

Donna Paulsen:
I'll grab the can opener.

Harvey Specter:
Whoa whoa, that's pre-trial ritual.

Donna Paulsen:
We're making an exception.

Harvey Specter:
I'll get the thumbtacks.

Donna Paulsen:
Two dozen?

Harvey Specter:
Three dozen.

Donna Paulsen:
Ooh, going for the record.

Harvey Specter:
What are you going to do?

Jessica Pearson:
I'm going to break him down, and I'm going to crack him open.

Mike Ross:
We gonna cross the line with this?

Harvey Specter:
We've been crossing lines long before we even ever met.

Harvey Specter:
We threw Daniel's ass out once, we'll do it again.

Jessica Pearson:
Damn right.

Harvey Specter:
One more thing, I'm getting Donna back.

Harvey Specter:
You put me in front of an unbiased judge, I walk away clean. You put me in a courtroom with a grand jury, anything can happen.

Louis Litt:
Hey, Simon, come on in. I have a question for you. Come on, you need to see this. Look at this. This is so funny. [Holds a report up to his face] Is that some sort of joke? Nominal in the first paragraph, pagination on the left-hand side, Times New Roman's stupid little feet walking all across the page. And what's that word?

Simon Bandaru:
"Shall"?

Louis Litt:
Mmm. At this firm, we instruct, we advise, we order, we must, but we do not 'shall.'

Simon Bandaru:
That's not really a-...

Louis Litt:
Why must we "must"?

Simon Bandaru:
Because we thrust, we don't parry.

Stephen Huntley:
You had "a thing"?

Donna Paulsen:
Well two things. But who's counting?

Stephen Huntley:
What did he want anyway?

Donna Paulsen:
I thought we agreed not to talk about work at lunch.

Stephen Huntley:
Yeah, we did, but we also agreed to have lunch at lunch.

Stephen Huntley:
Yeah, you're right. It's just that, uh, I've always made it my business knowing about things.

Donna Paulsen:
And you're good at your business.

Stephen Huntley:
Mmm, business is good.

Donna Paulsen:
Ooh, some might say booming.

Stephen Huntley:
Listen, we've only got 15 minutes left, so I'll endeavor to be surprisingly quick.

Donna Paulsen:
As long as you continue to be remarkably thorough.

Donna Paulsen:
Please tell me you're calling me because you've been kidnapped.

Harvey Specter:
I'm not the one who disappeared.

Donna Paulsen:
I told you I had a thing.

Harvey Specter:
At 1:00. It's 1:45.

Donna Paulsen:
And it's called a lunch *hour*, Harvey. Sixty whole minutes - which my teeth deserve.

Harvey Specter:
You fit the dentist in at lunch?

Donna Paulsen:
He can be surprisingly quick, yet remarkably thorough.

Cameron Dennis:
You're letting your mini-me make your arguments for you now?

Harvey Specter:
Are you letting your mustache?

Rachel Zane:
[about Donna and Stephen] So are you two going to keep...

Donna Paulsen:
Yes, it is some of the best damn...

[Someone walks by]

Donna Paulsen:
*Yoga* I've had in a long time.

Rachel Zane:
Well, sooner or later, Harvey's gonna find out, because it is all over your face.

Donna Paulsen:
Oh, please, you're a woman. Men are oblivious.

Louis Litt:
[Walking by] There's something different about you. What is it?

Rachel Zane:
Yes, please tell the man what it is.

Donna Paulsen:
Nothing, Louis. I'm just - been doing some yoga.

Louis Litt:
No, that's not it. You're practically glowing. Tell me your secret.

Donna Paulsen:
I don't think that it's your cup of tea.

Louis Litt:
For that glow, I'd tea.

Harvey Specter:
There's only one way to get Cameron thrown off this case.

Mike Ross:
Prove he colluded with Gianopolous. Turn Bullshit Highway into... Fact Highway.

Harvey Specter:
Fact Highway?

Mike Ross:
Yeah, it's right next to 'I Don't Want To Talk About This Anymore' Lane.

Simon Bandaru:
Mr. Nesbitt has clearly instructed-...

Louis Litt:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This was Nigel's doing?

Simon Bandaru:
Per his most recent memo.

Louis Litt:
He's communicating with you through memos? You've been left adrift on lady law's fickle ocean with no rudder, no captain?

Simon Bandaru:
He hasn't been in the office since he took over the program, if that's what you're asking.

Louis Litt:
No, I think I was perfectly clear in what I was asking, Simon.

Simon Bandaru:
Am I supposed to respond to that?

Louis Litt:
Yeah, by going back to your desk right now and doing it correctly.

Simon Bandaru:
But...

Louis Litt:
Simon, a memo from Nigel is not gonna stick its boot in your ass. A memo from me will.

Harvey Specter:
What's your idea?

Stephen Huntley:
Well, it requires you to take me with you to see Mr. Gianopolous.

Harvey Specter:
Mike?

Stephen Huntley:
Yeah.

Harvey Specter:
You're off the case.

Mike Ross:
What? You're gonna let him get away with that?

Harvey Specter:
I have to. I just took a bet. There's no going back on a bet.

Mike Ross:
Okay, what if I bet him that my idea's better? Then can I come?

Harvey Specter:
You gonna pony up $10,000?

Mike Ross:
...Best of luck, guys.

Rachel Zane:
You want me to be the Mike to your Harvey.

Mike Ross:
I do want you to be the Mike to my Harvey.

Rachel Zane:
Yeah, well it's not really a thing.

Mike Ross:
It can be!

Mike Ross, Rachel Zane:
Huh.

Rachel Zane:
I get to ask half the questions.

Mike Ross:
Harvey doesn't let Mike ask half the questions.

Rachel Zane:
Fine. One-third.

Mike Ross:
Harvey doesn't negotiate with Mike.

Rachel Zane:
Mike doesn't have sex with Harvey.

Mike Ross:
One-third of the questions seems reasonable to me.

Louis Litt:
Associates, they're like grains of sand. They need pressure and heat to shape them into Chihuly glass. Memos from a distant land don't shape sh*t into sh*t.

Nigel Nesbitt:
Nonsense. I attended boarding school from the tender age of four, during which time I received weekly memos from my father.

Louis Litt:
Yeah, and look how you turned out.

Nigel Nesbitt:
Graduating summa cum laude from both Cambridge and Harvard is quite the failure. Your parents' choice to "homeschool," much better.

Louis Litt:
Okay, that was only till I was ten, and my mother's science fair was legendary.

Nigel Nesbitt:
You must be so proud of your uncontested blue ribbons.

Louis Litt:
Okay, you know what, I'm not gonna let you shatter the glass that I spent years blowing. And I'm certainly not gonna let the likes of you tell me who I can and cannot blow.

Mike Ross:
I see where she gets it from.

Rachel Zane, Laura Zane:
Gets what?

Robert Zane:
You better shut up and eat your potatoes.

Jessica Pearson:
I don't know you that well, Ava, and I won't pretend that I do, but we do have something in common.

Ava Hessington:
What is that?

Jessica Pearson:
I merged with Edward Darby to save my firm from being hijacked by my piece of sh*t ex-partner.

Ava Hessington:
And what exactly does that give us in common?

Jessica Pearson:
I know what it's like to prefer rotting in the ground than letting my enemy take what's mine.

Ava Hessington:
I said, "rotting in a cell "

Jessica Pearson:
I wasn't up on murder charges.

Ava Hessington:
And you'd rather have died?

Jessica Pearson:
I was speaking metaphorically, as I'm sure you were.

Mike Ross:
Our discussion gave me an idea.

Rachel Zane:
Our discussion?

Mike Ross:
Can we please not fight about what to call our fight?

Donna Paulsen:
Late night?

Louis Litt:
No sleep at all.

Donna Paulsen:
The ulcer?

Louis Litt:
No, Nigel's cat.

Donna Paulsen:
You slept at Nigel's?

Harvey Specter:
There can be only one.

Jessica Pearson:
We're at a funeral and you're quoting Highlander?

Harvey Specter:
My merger /holds one hand up high/, your panic attack /holds other hand lower/.

Mike Ross:
Your compassion /holds his hand even lower/.

Stephen Huntley:
The man is in hiding. His own country can't find him.

Harvey Specter:
How the hell did you?

Stephen Huntley:
Same way you would. You know people here. I know people everywhere.

Harvey Specter:
Well, calling those people just screwed us.

Louis Litt:
Norma, I've told you a million goddamn times. She's gonna taste the extra skim. And who do you think she's gonna take it out on? Me. Oh, and find out what the holdup is on my trademark claim on "Litt Up".

Louis Litt:
Rachel, Louis. Code Red. Did anybody see you leave my office?

Rachel Zane:
Norma gave me a look.

Louis Litt:
She's on our side.

Rachel Zane:
I don't even know if *I'm* on your side.

Mike Ross:
Rachel, I'm sorry, but I can't talk right now. I'm typing up Cameron's files from memory.

Rachel Zane:
Mike, I am going to lose my first case...

Mike Ross:
Uh-huh.

Rachel Zane:
A mock case...

Mike Ross:
Okay.

Rachel Zane:
About a cat.

Mike Ross:
Okay, that, I have a couple minutes for.

Mike Ross:
I was just asking for an assignment. Captain Pinstripe's the one who brought up the girlfriend. And second of all, people actually had girlfriends after high school, which you wouldn't know, because, emotionally, you never graduated.

Harvey Specter:
Well, I guess you're the expert, because the only thing you graduated from *is* high school.

Harvey Specter:
We both know you tracked her down because of your lifelong, never-gonna-happen dream to beat me.

Travis Tanner:
I never heard of Ava Hessington until she walked through my door.

Harvey Specter:
Bullshit. You have a subscription to Harvey Specter monthly, and I know it.

Harvey Specter:
Tanner, I hope you still have that quarter I gave you, cause I think it's time to call your mom.

Mike Ross:
Okay, Louis, I'm sorry, but is it possible that this has nothing to do with work and what she's actually saying is that she wants to be exclusive with you?

Louis Litt:
Oh, Mike, you're so silly. You know nothing about women. If she wanted to be exclusive with me, she'd just come right out and say... it... Holy s-t, it was staring me right in the face.

Sheila Sazs:
Okay, you know what's a scam? This letter, which I am now ripping up.

Louis Litt:
No! Sheila, please!

[Papers ripping]

Louis Litt:
I labored over every word of that.

Sheila Sazs:
The time for words is over. The time for deeds is now.

Louis Litt:
Well, then, give me a deed, I'll do it. Give me a mountain, I'll climb it. Give me a Katy Perry song, I'll sing it.

Louis Litt:
You've been assigned by the judge to help me in Pretty Boy's trial.

Harvey Specter:
Oh, look at that. He thinks I'm pretty.

Mike Ross:
Wait, what judge?

Louis Litt:
His Honor Daniel Hardman. I'll see you in court, Sweet Tits.

Harvey Specter:
Oh, and you were right.

Mike Ross:
I know. About what?

Harvey Specter:
Tanner. It was awesome.

Harvey Specter:
Being fully dressed is overrated.

Zoe Lawford:
It is when you look like me.

Rachel Zane:
Do you think that it's at all possible that he actually did it?

Mike Ross:
No. I don't.

Rachel Zane:
How do you know?

Mike Ross:
Because I know Harvey. How could you think he could do it?

Rachel Zane:
Because I don't know Harvey. All I know is that he thinks he's above the rules and he will do whatever it takes to win.

Mike Ross:
Yeah, but that doesn't mean- [realizes something] . You don't think he has integrity.

Rachel Zane:
What happens to you if Harvey loses?

Mike Ross:
I don't know.

Donna Paulsen:
And since when have you ever done what Jessica wanted if it wasn't what you wanted too?

Harvey Specter:
It's not bragging if it's true.

Jessica Pearson:
Zoe, I'm still not convinced I should hire you instead of Ted Phillips. After all, Harvey never tried to sleep with Ted Phillips.

Harvey Specter:
Who says I never tried to sleep with Ted Phillips?

Louis Litt:
Please state your name.

Harvey Specter:
Harvey Specter.

Louis Litt:
Your full name.

Harvey Specter:
Harvey Reginald Specter.

Mike Ross:
[mouths] Reginald?

Harvey Specter:
[nods]

Zoe Lawford:
Look, Harvey, when you're a defendant you need the jury to protect you. There's no way they're ever gonna protect you if they don't care about you.

Zoe Lawford:
Now we have them right where we want them.

Jessica Pearson:
Either you're better than I thought you were or you have absolutely no idea what you're doing.

Zoe Lawford:
Trust me, the partners are starting to believe Harvey.

Jessica Pearson:
Why?

Zoe Lawford:
Because he protected Donna.

Mike Ross:
What I know is that if you take this thing to trial it's gonna cost us all a hell of a lot more than money. And if you don't know that by now, after all this, then I don't think I should be the one learning from you.

Cameron Dennis:
Harvey, what a coincidence.

Harvey Specter:
Cameron. You grew the mustache back. I'll let you in on a little secret: it wasn't a success the first time.

Mike Ross:
What's going on?

Harvey Specter:
Partners meeting. Essential personnel only.

Mike Ross:
In the middle of the night?

Harvey Specter:
You afraid of the dark?

Mike Ross:
I wouldn't be if I had my Cookie Monster with me.

Harvey Specter:
Well, then go get him, because we're finalizing the terms of the merger.

Mike Ross:
We?

Harvey Specter:
We.

Mike Ross:
So I'm a partner now?

Harvey Specter:
Easy, Marcia Clark. Jessica and I discussed it. You're responsible for making this merger happen. You deserve to be here.

Jessica Pearson:
I think you're stuck with a merger you don't want and a noncompete you can't stand, and you're trying to get me to fire you.

Harvey Specter:
I could bust that non-compete wide open.

Jessica Pearson:
But you gave me your word.

Harvey Specter:
Which is why I'm staying. Jessica, I've always operated this way. It's what you hired me for, it's what you pay me for, and it used to be what you valued me for.

Jessica Pearson:
I'm not going to fire you.

Harvey Specter:
Neither is Deron Williams. Nets just caved. So unless you're looking to cook me breakfast tomorrow, I'd say we're done.

Jessica Pearson:
[Jessica has just given Mike his own office] You didn't just come through on the merger. You bluffed Hardman, turned Monica Eton, and put us over the top on Folsom Foods. Now that's a lot of coming through in the clutch. And I wouldn't have saved your ass if I didn't think you deserved to be here.

Mike Ross:
I don't know what to say.

Jessica Pearson:
Well, the usual response is "thank you".

Mike Ross:
The usual road to getting here doesn't involve stabbing someone in the back.

Jessica Pearson:
Doesn't it? [Mike is silent] When I was 16, I came home, my mother sat me down, and said my parents were separating. Trial basis. But the good news was she was going to get me a car to help with my sister. All my friends talked about how lucky I was to have it. I hated that car. Every time I got in it, I - it just reminded me.

Mike Ross:
Why are you telling me this?

Jessica Pearson:
Because five years later, that same car got me to Harvard, which led me here. So you can think of this office as a reminder of what you did to Harvey or as a symbol of what you can accomplish at the firm.

Donna Paulsen:
Louis, what happened?

Louis Litt:
Oh. I'll tell you what happened. This stupid merger. It's bad enough my vote is worth a third of what it was last week. Now our uni-balls, gone.

Donna Paulsen:
Our... What?

Louis Litt:
Pens, Donna. The new quartermaster, Barbara L. Tottingham, will not buy us any more uni-balls. There's not one single uni-ball in this entire firm.

Donna Paulsen:
Please stop saying uni-ball.

Louis Litt:
No, I will not. Stuck with these stupid plastic things that keep breaking.

Donna Paulsen:
So buy your own pen.

Louis Litt:
[Astounded] Bu okay. There are two things in this firm that I hold very sacred - my uni-balls and my raspberry Bran bars. And if I have to go and buy 'em myself, well, then, this Barbara L. Tottingham has a message for me, loud and clear, and that's "Louis Litt, go screw yourself".

Edward Darby:
They've decide to take on Ava Hessington personally.

Jessica Pearson:
Who is they?

Edward Darby:
The U. S. government. I've decided to let Harvey handle it.

Jessica Pearson:
Why?

Edward Darby:
Why not?

Jessica Pearson:
It's not a good time. He's still digesting the merger.

Edward Darby:
Meaning?

Jessica Pearson:
He's acting out.

Edward Darby:
Well, he may be acting out, but I understand he just got his client triple the money.

Jessica Pearson:
By taking a huge risk he didn't have to.

Edward Darby:
This case, he may have to.

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, I know you and I have had our problems, but this is a chance for us to move past it. Let's take it.

Harvey Specter:
You really do wanna make up.

Jessica Pearson:
I never wanted to be at odds in the first place.

Harvey Specter:
Neither did I.

Jessica Pearson:
Are we good?

Harvey Specter:
Don't you wanna tell me I better win this goddamn case?

Jessica Pearson:
I didn't think I had to.

Harvey Specter:
Never stopped you from saying it before.

Jessica Pearson:
Well, I'm learning to let go. [turns to go] Oh, Harvey, there is one more thing. You better win this goddamn case. [smiles]

Edward Darby:
Harvey, I'm just in the middle of a little afternoon crossword. Are you a puzzler?

Harvey Specter:
Don't you have work to do?

Edward Darby:
My dear fellow, if I have to do work, then I'm not doing my job.

Edward Darby:
What do you want?

Harvey Specter:
I win this, you tear up my noncompete, and you fire me.

Edward Darby:
You hate this merger that much?

Harvey Specter:
I had an agreement with Jessica, and I honored it. Then she accused me of trying to get fired. Then she lied to me by claiming that she fought for me to be on this case.

Edward Darby:
She really does wanna make up with you, you know.

Harvey Specter:
Funny way of showing it.

Edward Darby:
Ironic. Her belief that you wanted to be fired led you to wanting to be fired.

Harvey Specter:
Do we have a deal or not?

Edward Darby:
It appears we do.

Louis Litt:
You know, when we were in the bullpen, Harvey was like Superman. And then, one day, Hardman decided to just knock him down a peg. Gave him this bullshit assignment, undoable workload, unwinnable case. And I took it as a chance to break down his walls and offer my help. And I just thought, this just might be the chance that we could become...

Mike Ross:
Friends.

Louis Litt:
Yeah. And he looked at me - "how dare I?"

Mike Ross:
I get it. He's alone. He always has been. He always will be.

Louis Litt:
Always *was*. Harvey is not Superman anymore. He's Batman. And Batman needs Robin.

Benjamin:
It's you.

Mike Ross:
Aw, that's sweet. You remember me.

Benjamin:
Oh, yes. I remember everyone who's ever bamboozled me into giving them a top-of-the-line laptop. Their names are Michael Ross.

Mike Ross:
I didn't bamboozle you, Benjamin. I won it fair and square.

Benjamin:
And I've been tracking every Internet move you've made for the past ten months, waiting for the slipup.

Mike Ross:
Bet you thought you had me at teenybikini. com.

Dana Scott:
You gotta be kidding me. How did you get through security?

Harvey Specter:
Charm and this smile.

Dana Scott:
You bought a ticket, didn't you?

Harvey Specter:
Trinidad-Tobago.

Dana Scott:
First-class? You're not even going.

Harvey Specter:
I prefer to not travel in style.

Louis Litt:
You're Barbara L. Tottingham.

Nigel Nesbitt:
I hardly made it difficult to figure out.

Louis Litt:
Barbara L. Tottingham. B. L. T. Which is a sandwich.

Nigel Nesbitt:
And what does one put on a B. L. T. ?

Louis Litt:
Mayonnaise, invented by the French.

Nigel Nesbitt:
Which points directly to another French sandwich.

Louis Litt:
Of course, the monte cristo, as in the Count of Monte Cristo. How did I not see that? It was staring me right in the face.

Nigel Nesbitt:
Indeed it was. The count returned from the dead, as I am now returned from the banishment to which you sentenced me... as quartermaster.

Louis Litt:
I would ask you how you did it, but I know you wouldn't tell me, because I wouldn't tell you.

Nigel Nesbitt:
What I will tell you is that during my time in the wilderness...

Louis Litt:
It was three days.

Nigel Nesbitt:
And nights! I endeavored to discover what perquisites you value most in this firm - your beloved Bran bars. You're never going to have them.

Louis Litt:
I can buy them myself.

Nigel Nesbitt:
Even if you were willing to buy them yourself - which we both know you aren't - you'll never eat them on Pearson Darby grounds.

Jessica Pearson:
How would you propose to a woman?

Edward Darby:
A woman? I think we both know a wom...

Jessica Pearson:
Yes, we do!

Harvey Specter:
And when we move their business elsewhere, they'll take roughly, mm...

Mike Ross:
A shitload of money out of your bank.

Harvey Specter:
Shitload?

Mike Ross:
Well, give or take.

Donna Paulsen:
You look happy.

Louis Litt:
Do I?

Donna Paulsen:
Why?

Louis Litt:
Um, I don't know, Donna, it's hard to explain. All right, I'll tell you. Mikado finally slept in my bed last night, and when I woke up this morning, it felt like the whole world was hugging me. I lost 9 ounces. My teeth whiteners are working. I found five new hairs on the top of my head. And to top it all off, I just found out that Esther broke her foot in three places.

Donna Paulsen:
Your sister?

Louis Litt:
Yeah, crutches for seven months. Serves her right. Dad's favorite.

Louis Litt:
[after seeing Harvey's name on the wall] I need a day.

Donna Paulsen:
You've had too much coffee.

Harvey Specter:
What are you talking about?

Donna Paulsen:
After two cups, your signature slants. After three, it scrawls. And after four, it's chicken scratch. They're not gonna accept these.

Harvey Specter:
You're crazy.

Donna Paulsen:
How many cups have you had today?

Harvey Specter:
...Five. How'd you do that?

Donna Paulsen:
It's what I do. I read, I analyze, I fix.

Harvey Specter:
Bullshit.

Donna Paulsen:
You're wearing a blue shirt, which means you won big in poker last night. You missed a spot shaving, which means you had less than five hours of sleep. And your left wrist, which you claim you sprained playing basketball, still hasn't healed because your loud tie is hanging ever so slightly to the left. Loud, by the way, because you won big in poker last night.

Harvey Specter:
For your information, I didn't lose sleep just because of poker.

Donna Paulsen:
Yeah, you did. Melanie's not in the picture anymore.

Harvey Specter:
You knew about Melanie?

Donna Paulsen:
And Charlotte. And Nadia.

Harvey Specter:
Okay, I don't want you working for me anymore.

Donna Paulsen:
Harvey, this isn't just winning a case. This is head litigator. Scotch isn't good enough. We need, like, a ritual or something.

Harvey Specter:
What did you have in mind?

Donna Paulsen:
I don't know.

Harvey Specter:
I have an idea.

Donna Paulsen:
I'm listening.

Harvey Specter:
It's not something a gentleman should say out loud.

Donna Paulsen:
Oh, well, then I'm willing to pretend that you're a gentleman. [Harvey whispers to her] Okay, you are definitely not a gentleman. What would we even do it with?

Harvey Specter:
Whipped cream.

Trevor:
I need a thousand dollars by Monday, or Omar's gonna beat the living sh*t outta me.

Mike Ross:
Trevor, him kicking your ass doesn't get him his money any faster.

Trevor:
He's not gonna see it that way.

Donna Paulsen:
If you want somebody to just sit at her desk, answer your phones, and pick up your dry cleaning, then put out a want ad, because that's not me. I'm gonna tell you what I think. And what I think is, if you do this, you're gonna keep doing it.

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, you don't look busy. Would you like to attend the international securities law symposium?

Harvey Specter:
That depends. Is it in Vegas, Miami, or Rio?

Jessica Pearson:
Poughkeepsie.

Harvey Specter:
Send Paul Porter.

Louis Litt:
This is Rome... and we are gladiators!

Louis Litt:
They were not pleased that you kept them in the dark.

Harvey Specter:
You are a son of a b*tch

Louis Litt:
Who's the clown now?

Harvey Specter:
You're a son of a b*tch

Louis Litt:
I'm only taking one client that you're gonna have to drop anyway. The least you could do is be a gentleman about it

Harvey Specter:
A gentleman? I got you two jobs!

Louis Litt:
Two jobs in Siberia!

Jessica Pearson:
What do you want me to say?

Louis Litt:
I want you to tell me you're a liar! And a hypocrite! I want you to say you're sorry.

Jessica Pearson:
I am a liar. And I am a hypocrite. But I will not say I'm sorry, because I did what I did to protect this firm.

Louis Litt:
Well, looks like the captain's about to go down with her ship

Jessica Pearson:
Bullshit. You want something.

Louis Litt:
Oh, I told you.

Jessica Pearson:
I want to see you in In handcuffs? If that were true, the police would be here instead of you. No, you wanted to see me squirm before asking me for what you really want. I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction, so you might as well spit it out.

Louis Litt:
You asked me what I wanted once before, and I told you, and then you told me that I couldn't have it. But now I can. Pearson... Specter... Litt.

Louis Litt:
It's just so weird to see him in my old office, you know? It's like when you drive by the house you grew up in, and there's another family in there, and all you want to do is break in and make yourself soup. You know that feeling?

Donna Paulsen:
Well, it depends on the soup.

Louis Litt:
[Scoffs] Mushroom barley.

Donna Paulsen:
Then no.

Jeff Malone:
I just pulled Adam Grieves as opposing counsel. And long story short, he hates me, and I could really use Jessica's help to run some interference, but I'm the new guy, it's only my second case, and I don't know what to do.

Louis Litt:
Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get you front-row tickets to Jessica Pearson's help.

Mike Ross:
You're trying to humanize Harvey, because you're afraid of what this fight is gonna do to us.

Donna Paulsen:
I'm afraid because of what it's already doing to you. I'm talking Ali-Frazier.

Mike Ross:
Come on, Donna.

Donna Paulsen:
Listen to me. They started out like brothers. Then they went toe-to-toe three times, and Joe Frazier went to his grave hating Muhammad Ali.

Mike Ross:
I didn't know you were a boxing fan.

Donna Paulsen:
I'm a Harvey fan.

Mike Ross:
So am I, and that's why I'm giving him my best.

Jeff Malone:
You brought Louis in.

Jessica Pearson:
Of course. Three heads are better than two, unless you have an objection?

Jeff Malone:
Are you kidding me? I would never turn down a threesome.

Louis Litt:
Jeff Malone is in love with me.

Donna Paulsen:
What?

Louis Litt:
I was just in a meeting with him, and he started off by patting my shoulder.

Donna Paulsen:
He's a jock, Louis. That's just how they are.

Louis Litt:
No, he was then rubbing my shoulders. Then he touched my arm. He's all over me.

Donna Paulsen:
Wow. What was that meeting about?

Louis Litt:
It doesn't matter. Donna, his arguments are loaded with double meaning. Who invokes the penal code in an S. E. C. case?

Donna Paulsen:
He said "penal"?

Louis Litt:
Three times.

Louis Litt:
Athletes coming out is all the rage now. And guess what his favorite sport is: Basket... Ball.

Donna Paulsen:
Oh, my God. Shut the front door.

Louis Litt:
No, shut the back door.

Donna Paulsen:
Okay, Louis, now that we've firmly established his gayness, why would he think you're gay? I mean, you're straight as an arrow.

Louis Litt:
...I may have said that I eat cock for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Donna Paulsen:
WHAT?

Louis Litt:
It was a different kind of cock, Donna.

Louis Litt:
What are you doing?

Donna Paulsen:
Oh, you know, it's just a little something for your file.

Louis Litt:
I have a file?

Donna Paulsen:
That information is classified.

Louis Litt:
Wait, why?

Donna Paulsen:
It's in your file.

Harvey Specter:
I shot you in the knees, so he wouldn't shoot you in the face. You're welcome.

Mike Ross:
You know what, Harvey? I'm gonna take pass on the thank-you and instead skip right to the part where I call you a piece of sh*t.

Harvey Specter:
You know what? I'm getting a little tired of hearing that.

Judge Pearl Atkins:
You bring an accusation like that into my courtroom, you better be able to back it up.

Harvey Specter:
Your Honor, when I told him he took this case to stick it to me, he said, quote, "I did, and now I got her, and you didn't see it coming. "

Cameron Dennis:
You know what, Your Honor? He's right. I am sticking it to him. Guilty as charged - just like his client.

Harvey Specter:
Okay, let me...

Judge Pearl Atkins:
That's enough. I am not a washing machine. You two are not here to air your dirty laundry.

Cameron Dennis:
She admitted to bribing a Colonel in the army, and that same army killed these people.

Harvey Specter:
Three environmentalists died in the polar ice cap. You think she killed them also?

Cameron Dennis:
Maybe I'll look into that.

Harvey Specter:
You gonna leak it to a corporate raider too?

Judge Pearl Atkins:
[to Cameron] What's he talking about?

Harvey Specter:
I'm talking about the fact that he leaked this whole thing to Tony Gianopolous. This is a personal vendetta, and he has no concrete evidence against my client. Not only do I want no bail, I want you to throw this case out right now.

Judge Pearl Atkins:
Well, I'm not gonna do that. But I'll tell you something, Mr. Dennis, I am setting bail at $1. And if you don't have any evidence, I'm gonna hear his motion for summary judgment, rule in his favor, and this trial is going to be over before it even starts.

Harvey Specter:
I have to say, I'm flattered.

Ava Hessington:
I don't want you to be flattered. I want you to say yes.

Harvey Specter:
As much success as I've had with that line myself, I'm afraid I'm not an oilman.

Ava Hessington:
The oil business is about oil as much as you being a lawyer is about the law. Every day is a knife fight in a prison yard, and something tells me you like a good knife fight.

Harvey Specter:
No rules in a knife fight.

Louis Litt:
Bran bars are forbidden to first years.

Mike Ross:
Since when?

Louis Litt:
Since two seconds ago. Order of the quartermaster, who is no longer speaking with you. Rachel. Can you please instruct the associate to your right to pass the nondairy creamer?

Mike Ross:
Louis, as I have been trying to tell you in person, and in the note I left, and in your voice mail, I'm sorry.

Louis Litt:
[Ignores him] Do you know what nondairy creamer is, Rachel?

Rachel Zane:
Uh...

Louis Litt:
It's a metaphor. The first sip, you think it's real, you know? After all, it wants you to believe that it's genuine and it's good, and it's gonna deliver on its promise. But then with time, you realize that it's just a concoction of chemicals that's designed to disguise the truth that it's actually full of sh*t.

Rachel Zane:
Then why are you drinking it?

Louis Litt:
...I'm lactose intolerant.

Harvey Specter:
Louis, have you given any thought to a rebound associate?

Louis Litt:
Harvey, come on, you know I'm not that kind of guy.

Harvey Specter:
Come on, you have him file a few interrogatories, maybe pick up your dry cleaning, and then you cut him loose.

Louis Litt:
With no strings attached?

Harvey Specter:
Better men than you have done it.

Louis Litt:
No.

Harvey Specter:
Yep.

Louis Litt:
Who, Baird?

Harvey Specter:
A week-long fling I ended six days too late.

Louis Litt:
Yeah, but Harvey, I don't just want a superficial relationship, you know? I want a true mentee. Someone I can take to the gun club or mudding or to the origami festival.

Harvey Specter:
Louis, you're gonna find the right one. [Leaves] Origami festival? Oh, my God.

Rachel Zane:
I just never thought I'd see the great Harriet Specter making her own copies.

Donna Paulsen:
Is that what this thing does?

Rachel Zane:
You've never made a copy in your life before, have you?

Donna Paulsen:
Of course not, I'm too busy being a badass and worrying about my hair.

Harvey Specter:
This is bullshit, Cameron. We had a deal.

Cameron Dennis:
A deal where your client admitted to bribing a foreign official. That Colonel that she paid off? After that, six people were killed by his troops.

Harvey Specter:
I give my driver a tip, and then he runs over someone. Doesn't mean I had anything to do with it.

Mike Ross:
Yeah, baby! Butch and Sundance are back.

Harvey Specter:
Ooh, no go.

Mike Ross:
What do-what do- what do you mean, "no go"?

Harvey Specter:
I mean, you're not Butch or Sundance.

Mike Ross:
Why not?

Harvey Specter:
'Cause Butch was the leader, and Sundance was the gunslinger, and I'm both.

Mike Ross:
Okay, but Sundance couldn't swim, and Butch never shot anyone, so that makes you a loser.

Harvey Specter:
Better than a fraud.

Mike Ross:
I think it's time for some new material.

Harvey Specter:
You write Midnight Train to Georgia, you don't just sing it once. And speaking of Butch Cassidy, let's go start a knife fight.

Ava Hessington:
Do you think I did this?

Harvey Specter:
That's irrelevant. I just want to make sure I know all the evidence against you.

Ava Hessington:
I have no idea what the evidence is, because I had nothing to do with it, and you say it's irrelevant, but it's not irrelevant to me. Do you think I did this?

Harvey Specter:
Do you want a lawyer who thinks you're innocent and loses or a lawyer who doesn't want to know and wins?

Ava Hessington:
You know the answer to that.

Harvey Specter:
Then don't ask me that question again, 'cause after I win and you're free, what I think won't matter.

Mike Ross:
What Harvey knows is that I'm the "A" team, and you're the "B" team, so you can leave the folder, or you can take it with you, but if you're looking to ride some partner's coattails, you're gonna have to look somewhere else.

Katrina Bennett:
Well, the "B" team worked at the D. A. 's office and came up with a defense strategy based on a specific knowledge of Cameron Dennis. The "A" team quotes him movies. We'll see who Harvey does and doesn't value.

Donna Paulsen:
[Entering] Katrina, Mike is Harvey's guy. When he tells you he's speaking for Harvey, he's speaking for Harvey. And please don't come into this office when I'm away from my desk again.

Jessica Pearson:
First dividend check of the merger.

Harvey Specter:
[Looks at it] That's $1/2 million.

Jessica Pearson:
Mmhmm. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Harvey Specter:
That was my buy-in amount. Wait a second. What was your check for?

Jessica Pearson:
More than that.

Harvey Specter:
1.2?

Jessica Pearson:
I'm not telling.

Harvey Specter:
1.5? You're three times more valuable than me?

Jessica Pearson:
Oh, I don't think that. The check thinks that.

Harvey Specter:
I'm working on getting Ava off these charges, and I got Mike working on getting her out on bail.

Jessica Pearson:
So you're back with him.

Harvey Specter:
What's the point of having a right arm without a right hand?

Mike Ross:
I heard about what you did with Katrina.

Harvey Specter:
I know I asked you not to, and I wasn't going to, but I saw her, and I couldn't help it. I get it.

Mike Ross:
She brings that out in people.

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, is there something you'd like to tell me about Ava?

Harvey Specter:
Yeah, some clients can be a pain in the ass.

Jessica Pearson:
Some ex-clients too.

Harvey Specter:
Temporary situation.

Jessica Pearson:
Good, good. 'Cause I just wanted to make sure you were still all over it.

Harvey Specter:
Did you want to make sure the sun was still shining and the sky was still blue?

Jessica Pearson:
I'd be humble after I got fired. If I ever got fired.

Katrina Bennett:
You're not the fool anymore, Louis. Mike Ross is. And I can't take it back. I put myself out on a limb for you, so if you say no to me, I won't just be a fool. I'll be done.

Harvey Specter:
I'd rather cross my own line than sign their dotted one.

Louis Litt:
You once told me what to do when your back is against the wall.

Harvey Specter:
Break the goddamn thing!

Donna Paulsen:
You've got Ellis at 4:00 today, McKinney at 10:00 tomorrow, Chamberlain at 2:00, and when should I pencil you in to go see Mike?

Harvey Specter:
See him for what?

Donna Paulsen:
To be a friend.

Harvey Specter:
Donna, as far as he's concerned, I sold him out to win the takeover. I am the last person he wants to see right now.

Donna Paulsen:
And I would agree with all that, except for the fact that Mike got fired.

Harvey Specter:
What? When?

Donna Paulsen:
Last night. And I wasn't gonna tell you because you should be hearing it from him, but men are idiots, and they would rather be alone and miserable than ever run the risk of being accused of needing someone.

Harvey Specter:
He has Rachel.

Donna Paulsen:
Who is the one person Mike believes will stand by him no matter what, which makes her the one person he won't believe when she says he didn't completely fail.

Harvey Specter:
How important is the meeting with Ellis?

Donna Paulsen:
He says it's urgent.

Harvey Specter:
Tell him I have to reschedule.

Donna Paulsen:
[Harvey leaves] That's weird. I already did.

Harvey Specter:
I want to bring Mike back.

Jessica Pearson:
That is not a conversation I ever want to have.

Harvey Specter:
Jessica...

Jessica Pearson:
Harvey, I haven't slept better since his last night, except for every night since, and I'm not going back.

Louis Litt:
I broke the law.

Katrina Bennett:
Please keep your voice down.

Louis Litt:
Why? Let any man judge me. So says the good book.

Katrina Bennett:
No, it doesn't.

Louis Litt:
You know what? I think I know what the goddamn good book says

Katrina Bennett:
Listen to me. You did what you had to do.

Louis Litt:
Oh, really? Well, that's not what you said when you found out. You said, "Louis, that's illegal".

Katrina Bennett:
Louis, you have been a hero again and again. And if the one time they actually treat you like one you crossed a little line to get there, that doesn't make you horrible. It makes you Harvey.

Louis Litt:
You know what? You're absolutely right. And as of this second, I'm going to start acting like the hero that I am.

Louis Litt:
Jessica offered me anything I want as a reward for my heroism, and we're gonna figure out what that is.

Katrina Bennett:
What's to figure out? Named partner.

Louis Litt:
No, not that. Anything but that.

Katrina Bennett:
What do you mean, "anything but that?" There isn't anything but that.

Louis Litt:
Oh, you think I didn't ask for it? The words were out of my mouth faster than Esther when she was 13.

Katrina Bennett:
Louis, I don't care about your slutty sister. You deserve named partner.

Louis Litt:
And I don't care that you don't care because it's not gonna happen. Now, we were given a chance to take the high road, and that's exactly what we're gonna do.

Katrina Bennett:
If I were ever going to be attracted to you, now would be the time. Instead I'll prepare a list of demands befitting a hero.

Louis Litt:
Good. And don't ever talk about being attracted to me again. It weirds me out.

Louis Litt:
Mike, listen to me. I know I'm mad at you about Sheila, but I don't care about that right now. You cannot take a job with that man.

Mike Ross:
I don't have any other options, Louis. And I'm in this position because you paid that man greenmail to walk away from my deal in the first place.

Louis Litt:
Believe me, I wish I hadn't.

Mike Ross:
What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Louis Litt:
Mike...

Mike Ross:
You know what? Doesn't matter. None of it matters.

Louis Litt:
This is about Rachel, isn't it? She told me she hurt you. Believe me, I understand, but you cannot do this because of that.

Mike Ross:
This is a job, Louis, all right? I'm not robbing a bank.

Louis Litt:
It's not a job! It's a decision, and I'm not gonna let you make it.

Mike Ross:
Yeah? What are you gonna do about it?

Louis Litt:
Anything I have to.

Rachel Zane:
What are you so happy about?

Mike Ross:
I made bubble-wrap slippers this morning while you were in the shower.

Rachel Zane:
I specifically told you the buble wrap is for the dishes.

Mike Ross:
I also made a hat.

Rachel Zane:
Okay, I'm moving in with a 10-year-old.

Mike Ross:
We're moving in together. I think it's time we stopped keeping it a secret.

Rachel Zane:
But keeping it a secret is sort of fun.

Mike Ross:
Mm-hmm.

Rachel Zane:
And sexy.

Mike Ross:
And I am pro sexy; I mean, I did make those bubble-wrap slippers and hat after all, which is funny, 'cause That's not sexy, it's just fun.

Rachel Zane:
It's something.

Mike Ross:
Something.

Rachel Zane:
Something.

Mike Ross:
I made you some too.

Donna Paulsen:
A bottle of scotch? You couldn't get her anything more personal?

Harvey Specter:
She likes scotch.

Donna Paulsen:
You like scotch.

Harvey Specter:
She likes me. Therefore...

Donna Paulsen:
Why don't you just attach a card that says, "Welcome, generic senior partner"?

Harvey Specter:
This is a $12,000 bottle of scotch, and this is one of three left in the world. That doesn't say generic, that says...

Donna Paulsen:
You're one of three very expensive things I recently purchased.

Donna Paulsen:
That bottle is the reason I buy my own present for secretary's day.

Harvey Specter:
There's a secretary's day?

Harvey Specter:
There is. And you're very generous.

Louis Litt:
I don't want to call Gerard up and ask him 'cause I don't want the world laughing at my firm. But if he doesn't walk up to you on Friday and say, "Mike Ross, my beloved student "who I remember, because he's the only one I ever gave an A-plus to," well, then, I'm gonna know you're lying. And if you still don't come clean, I'm gonna launch a formal investigation, whether it makes my firm look bad or not.

Mike Ross:
This is crazy. There is nothing to investigate.

Louis Litt:
Well, I'd rather risk looking crazy to root out an impostor than to risk letting that impostor poison everything that I stand for.

Mike Ross:
We need to make it so that he doesn't come.

Harvey Specter:
It's not gonna happen. The man doesn't back out of commitments. His favorite quote is "for the law to work, there must be honor in one's word".

Mike Ross:
Who's he quoting?

Harvey Specter:
Himself. Pompous prick.

Rachel Zane:
Mike, you can't just wait for the ax to fall.

Mike Ross:
I didn't just wait. I armed myself. I learned everything there is to know about Gerard and his class. Harvey is right. This guy is a prick. He makes everybody read his books and then doesn't even test them on it.

Louis Litt:
You're here late.

Mike Ross:
The life of an associate, right?

Louis Litt:
Ah, yeah, I remember. I used to live in this room, work piled all around me, surviving on coffee, delivery, and no sleep. And the whole time, wondering, "man, is it ever gonna get any easier?"

Mike Ross:
Does it?

Louis Litt:
No.

Mike Ross:
But you still love it.

Louis Litt:
And so do you.

Rachel Zane:
I am trying so hard to be brave. But what if Louis ends up finding out everything about Mike? What if he ends up exposing him and he actually gets arrested? What if he actually - God.

Donna Paulsen:
Rach, Mike found out that one of our partners ordered multiple murders. Harvey said he'd fix it. Two days later, that partner was in prison.

Rachel Zane:
Stephen was a criminal. This is an academic. He hasn't done anything wrong.

Donna Paulsen:
Well, what makes Harvey great at his job is he knows that everybody has done something wrong.

Rachel Zane:
Even the most esteemed ethics professor in the country?

Donna Paulsen:
The cleaner they look, the more dirt they've swept under the rug.

Rachel Zane:
The new opposing counsel is my dad.

Mike Ross:
Your dad is Robert Zane?

Rachel Zane:
Is it so hard to believe that my father's black?

Mike Ross:
Robert Zane is black?

Rachel Zane:
You think this is a year round tan?