The Kids in the Hall

The Kids in the Hall

The Kids in the Hall is a Canadian sketch comedy troupe formed in 1984, consisting of comedians Dave Foley, Kevin McDonald, Bruce McCulloch, Mark McKinney, and Scott Thompson. Their eponymous television show ran from 1989 to 1995 on CBC in Canada, and CBS, HBO, and Comedy Central in the United States. The theme song for the show is the instrumental "Having an Average Weekend" by the Canadian band Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet. The Kids made one film, Brain Candy, which was released in 1996. They reformed for various tours and comedy festivals in 2000. They later reunited for an eight-part miniseries, Death Comes to Town, in January 2010. Their name came from Sid Caesar, who, if a joke didn't go over, or played worse than expected, would attribute it to "the kids in the hall", referring to a group of young writers hanging around the studio.

Year:
1988
8,376 Views

Buddy Cole:
What are the odds? I can't believe it. Here I am, stranded on a desert island. And my only supplies are my favorite book - "All About Rhoda" by Peggy Hertz from Scholastic Press. And my favorite album - Johnny Mathis and Denise Williams: "That's What Friends Are For." I always like to have an ex-lover's music around; Denise is good, too. And, for companionship, the one and only Oscar Wilde. Oscar, say something funny.

Oscar Wilde:
Shall I?

Buddy Cole:
Yes, do your stuff. Do the "Wilde" thing.

Oscar Wilde:
Well, Buddy, I recall as I laid dying in my death bed, I came out of my stupor momentarily and declared with perfect aplomb, "Either that wallpaper goes or I do!" [laughs]

Buddy Cole:
Oh, that was rich, Oscar! Oh, jeez, let me catch my breath for a second. Oh, oh, I am so glad that I brought you and not someone common.

Oscar Wilde:
Message received, Buddy. You know, Buddy, the trouble with the common man...

Buddy Cole:
Yes?

Oscar Wilde:
...is that he is so unbearably common! [laughs]

Buddy Cole:
Oh Oscar, funny, but you're such a snob.

Oscar Wilde:
Oh, that's my charm.

Buddy Cole:
Oh, oh, it's really too bad that you're dead.

Oscar Wilde:
Oh, I know.

Buddy Cole:
Does it bother you?

Oscar Wilde:
Well, you know Buddy, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. [laughs] What? Philadelphia!

Buddy Cole:
That's funny, but W.C. Fields said it.

Oscar Wilde:
Well, yes, if you had been listening to me correctly, Buddy, what you would have heard me say was, "I may have been born yesterday but I still went shopping."

Buddy Cole:
That was me.

Oscar Wilde:
Oh, yes, yes. [Coughs] Well, I seem to be getting a bit of laryngitis, Buddy. I'm afraid there'll be no more quipping today.

Buddy Cole:
Oscar, please, stop with the laryngitis nonsense. You're pathetic. You would have never lasted on television. I'll bet what you really said on your death bed was something more like, "Sh*t!"

McGillicuty:
Say Mr. Greene, I hear you manage a baseball team.

Greene:
No. I'm a vaudevillian.

McGillicuty:
No, I think you manage a baseball team.

Greene:
Yes of course, yes I do manage a baseball team.

McGillicuty:
I understand some of the players have rather strange nicknames, rather silly pet names the players have nowadays.

Greene:
Yes, it's true. In fact, I have the team roster with me right here. For instance, Hu is on first base, Watt is on second, and Iduno is on third base.

McGillicuty:
Who's on first base?

Greene:
Yes.

McGillicuty:
Who?

Greene:
Yes, who is the man on first base.

McGillicuty:
Why are you asking me; I'm asking you. What's the name of the guy on first base?

Greene:
No no, Watt is on - oh, I see what your problem is. Look, you're confused by their names, because they all sound like questions.

McGillicuty:
I dunno. [whispers] Third base.

Greene:
Well, I'll explain it to you. See, on first base is Hu, Samuel Hu, and you're probably not familiar with that name because his grandfather was Chinese. And on second base is Hector Watt, W-A-T-T Watt, and that's not so unusual because James Watt invented the steam engine. And on third base is Phil Iduno, I-D-U-N-O, and if you do say that fast, it does sound like the phrase "Gee, I dunno," but it's actually Iduno, Phil Iduno.

McGillicuty:
That's it. You're hopeless, you're pathetic, you're the worst straight man I ever worked with. I quit. I should have never saved you from those seals.

Greene:
What are you talking about? I auditioned for this job.


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