The Rockford Files

Electric Larry:
Harry, the soda machine at the bar is busted again.

Harry Smick:
It was fixed last week.

Electric Larry:
Tell that to the customer drinking scotch and air.

Jim Rockford:
A senator and a bus driver? What's the connection?

Lance White:
This is just a hunch but I'd say the bus driver had something on the senator. Like maybe the senator was having an affair with the bus driver's wife.

Jim Rockford:
Lance, where did that come from?

Lance White:
It didn't come from anywhere Jim it's just a hunch. I get a hunch, it turns out to be right and the case is solved. I don't know how you make a living as a private eye Jim. You don't seem to know any of this stuff.

Beth Davenport:
And Jim, try to be nice.

Jim Rockford:
Are you kidding? You don't mouth off to anything that big. He looks like 190 pounds of gristle.

Dennis Becker:
Step back Jim. This is information is for police department personnel only.

Jim Rockford:
Boy, mention the Nazis around you and it rubs off.

Jim Rockford:
Why didn't you get me 'Little Eddie' or 'The Greek?'

Angel Martin:
They said they wouldn't do it. They said the last time they were in a con with you, it blew sky high. What does he mean by calling me a halibut?

Jim Rockford:
It's a fish that swims at the bottom.

Angel Martin:
I don't like him.

Jim Rockford:
But I will need a diversion so I can get back to Bloomberg's room and try to talk to him.

Angel Martin:
Ohh. Now we're getting to the nitty-gritty. Now it's beginning to make sense. 'Come on over to Rocky's, Angel.' Serve my favorite food. First time I been invited over here for so much as a glass of water.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
I could use a little help in the kitchen with the coffee and dessert.

Angel Martin:
Forget about the dessert, you don't buy Angel Martin with a couple of drumsticks and some redeye gravy.

Karen Hall:
You met up with the Surete; they actually followed me. That's why I had that horrible feeling I was being watched. And they're the ones who ransacked my room.

Jim Rockford:
Oh no, not nearly so simple. Your room was ransacked by an Olympic wrestling champion and a German ex-neurosurgeon.

Karen Hall:
What? Who are they?

Jim Rockford:
That's multiple choice. They're were either two former members of Wermacht Intelligence, two old friends of your father's or two cops from East Berlin.

Security Guard:
Can I see your security passes?

Richie Brockelman:
Sure!

Jim Rockford:
No!

[punches security guard]

Lance White:
I hate it when anybody dies. Even someone like Blackwood. I'm sure he wasn't a bad guy at heart probably.

Jim Rockford:
Oh yeah, you throw out the cocaine busts and what, a little pushing around the high schools and what have you got left? Just a sweet guy with a problem.

Armand Teasdale:
I am a good judge of people, and that is a fine young man, with a remarkable character.

Jim Rockford:
No doubt about it, Lance is perfect. It's his only flaw.

Jim Rockford:
Hey, I'm sorry Dad, you just caught me at a bad time. Reading that detective fiction doesn't help. I mean things aren't like that you know? They're not black and white. They're aren't any heroes left, they die young. (pointing to a book cover) His gun is deadly? Mine's in a cookie jar.

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, well, we got snarled up in a case in August. I ended up doing 90 days on a county honor farm.

Lance White:
Well, I'm sorry about that, Jim, but I had my client's interests to protect and you did break into that hotel room.

Jim Rockford:
What client? Who where you working for? Nobody seemed to know.

Lance White:
Well, that was kind of a strange one, those 3 little boys hired me.

Jim Rockford:
The triplets? They were only 8 years old.

Lance White:
Yeah well when their folks were killed by the mob, I kind of took 'em in. Finally, I made arrangements for them to live on a friend's farm in Vermont.

Jim Rockford:
Isn't that nice? A happy ending. We all got to go to a farm.

Marcus Hayes:
You have a hair-trigger, Mr.Finch.

Gandolph Finch:
That's right, mouth... and you're sitting on the edge of a big disaster.

Marcus Hayes:
I like him Jimmy. He's got pluck.

Jim Rockford:
[to hood who has just kidnapped him] Does your mother know what you do for a living?

Jim Rockford:
What's wrong?

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
I am THROUGH talking to you! Look at you, an inch or two to the right and you'd be missing that eye!

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, but look at it this way, an inch or two to the left and he'd have missed me completely.

[Rockford knocks out a thug with one punch]

Jim Rockford:
Ow! If I could do that without a roll of quarters in my hand, I'd be a terror.

Jim Rockford:
Freeze, turkey!

Jim Rockford:
[answering machine picks up] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Angel Martin:
Jimmy, old buddy buddy! It's Angel! You know how they allow you one phone call? Well, this is it.

Jim Rockford:
[Grabbing Angel by the lapel and throat & walking him back against a fence] Angel, you are driving me crazy, you understand me, I'm going crazy, I can't take it anymore!

Angel Martin:
Jimmy!

Jim Rockford:
Years and years and years, I'm goin out of my mind, with your stupid and ridiculous lies and games, year after year!

Angel Martin:
You're jammin' my windpipe!

Jim Rockford:
[ripping his hands from Angel's neck, showing Angel his trembling hands] Look at me, look at me, look at me!

Angel Martin:
Jimmy?

Jim Rockford:
Just don't say anything, just don't - say - anything!

Angel Martin:
Jimmy?

Jim Rockford:
[exasperated] What?

Angel Martin:
I'm sorry. A stick of fruit gum? [Angel pulls up a stick from a pack which Jim begrudgingly snaps out of the pack]

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Maria:
Jim, it's Maria over at the laundromat. There's a yellow dress in with your things... Is that a mistake or a special handling... or what?

Jim Rockford:
Old times only buys you *one* free ticket, and you cashed *that* in yesterday!

Jim Rockford:
I'm in a *lousy* mood! Spending the night in the slammer *usually* has that effect on me.

Jim Rockford:
I'd forgotten- you're *awfully* good!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Uncle Jim? It's Ralph. I got your letter, but I moved out here anyway. I *really* want those detective lessons!

Karen Stiles:
You know, I wasn't sure you were going to show up. I mean three years is more than just a little interlude. Why did you?

Jim Rockford:
Oh, let's just say I was curious.

Karen Stiles:
Curious? That emotion doesn't hold much fire.

Jim Rockford:
Well Karen, it was three years ago. We did our little torch dance, and as I recall we ended up getting a little singed.

Karen Stiles:
Well, I heal quickly.

Jim Rockford:
Well, I don't. So let's just start with curiosity and we'll see where it goes from there.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Anonymous Friend:
[Beeep] Hey Jimmy! I tried to catch you before you left! Hey buddy, I was wrong. That rally in Mexico? That was yesterday...

[last lines]

Dr. Eric Albach:
[Dr. Albach barges into Jim's trailer while Jim, Rocky, and Dennis are eating dinner] Sorry to intrude. This won't take long at all. [He sits down in Rocky's chair]

Jim Rockford:
[Annoyed] Doctor... we're trying to have a nice quiet little dinner.

Dr. Eric Albach:
[Ignoring him] It occurred to me there's no reason the experiment should be a total loss. We'll salvage what we can, the cards we'll get to in a moment. First, just a few questions.

Jim Rockford:
No!

Dr. Eric Albach:
It's really very simple, just answer true or false: I often feel I have nothing important to say.

Jim Rockford:
Let me ask you a question, just answer true or false: [menacingly] I like my front teeth.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Female Caller:
Jim, this is Andrea Todd's Food Mart. Listen, there's a guy down here by the name of Angel Martin who's charged one hundred and ten dollars worth of groceries to your account. Is that okay with you?

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
You know they can get spare parts for trucks, but people, there ain't no spare parts for people.

[last lines]

Sorel Henderson:
[Jim, Rocky, and Sorel are walking on the pier. Rocky is still upset that he was told that he was too old to be an organ donor] Now that I'm out of a job maybe I'll get into something really challenging.

Jim Rockford:
Yea, like what?

Sorel Henderson:
I always wanted to be an "astro-nom-o-mer."

Jim Rockford:
Naw, that's pronounced "a-stron-o-mer."

Sorel Henderson:
Oh well, same job no matter what. Looking at stars and wondering if there are other types of life out there.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
I got me a liver as good as any in the country.

Jim Rockford:
Sorel wants to be an astronomer, Dad. Isn't that great?

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
I'd like to see that Dr. Bosco, whatever his name, I'd like to see his kidneys, I bet they ain't any better than mine. Some things improve with age.

Sorel Henderson:
I wonder if there's life out on those stars like Mars.

Jim Rockford:
Mars is a planet, not a star.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
My heart, my heart's been beating once a second for almost 70 years. You can't knock that.

Sorel Henderson:
[She points to flying sea gulls] Oh pelicans! Look, pelicans!

Jim Rockford:
[Jim and Rocky look at each other bemusedly] Look, Dad. Pelicans.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Friend:
[beeep] Jim, you give Peg the two hundred for the painting, she owes me seventy and I owe you forty-six for the Christmas trees. Harry still out sixty for the dinner, but at least it'll void that check.

[last lines]

Ruth Beetson-White:
Jim, listen. I know you didn't get the best deal out of this. Well I tell you what, if money's your problem I think I may have a solution. First I want to thank you for saving my life, and I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with a way to express my gratitude, and I finally did.

[she lifts her hand from where it's been resting on his shoulder and begins to play with the hair above the nape of his neck]

Jim Rockford:
[smiles] You don't really have to do anything, I mean...

Ruth Beetson-White:
Oh, yes, I do. As you may know, I'm always on the lookout for a good man.

Jim Rockford:
I've heard it said...

Ruth Beetson-White:
And now that I'm going to be devoting full attention to the fight business, the dealer management job's wide open; I'd bet you'd look terrific in a red blazer...

Jim Rockford:
Not a chance.

Ruth Beetson-White:
Baby, come on! Think of it! You know, you could do the Spanish speaking commercial. You'd become a celebrity!

Jim Rockford:
I'm sorry, but I don't tap dance.

Ruth Beetson-White:
[looking into his eyes] At least have dinner with me, huh? We could go to my place...

Jim Rockford:
I'm sorry, Ruth, but I'm a little old-fashioned, you know. I, uh, I like to open the doors and light the cigarettes and make the passes.

Ruth Beetson-White:
[she takes her hand away] A-a-a-h, you're right! I'm sorry! There I go, again! I'm sorry, really...

Jim Rockford:
[smiles again] Ah, it's okay...

Ruth Beetson-White:
[puts her arm around his shoulders] We'll go to your place.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Friend:
[beeep] Jim, I have to thank you for talking over my problems with me last Tuesday night; I love you for it. But can you have lunch tomorrow and talk about the divorce? I'm real bummed out.

Jeff Seales:
As you know, the Falcone legend has been told many different ways... this last time it was by his former partner Walt Wexler, and unfortunately the toys and the man are closely identified.

Bob Parsons:
There's a complete line of police toys under his name.

Jim Rockford:
Oh, and I'm supposed to keep the name and the legend clean?

Jeff Seales:
Yes! If you could low profile Falcone just until we get the toy line launched, nothing more...

Bob Parsons:
Just your being with him will have a calming effect! Just like a... a steer with a fighting bull.

Jeff Seales:
[blinks twice]... that could be the worst analogy I've ever heard...

Bob Parsons:
Jim knows what I mean, don't you Jim? [Jim gives an uncomfortable smile and nods his head]

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Joe Myers:
[beeep] Jim, Joe Myers of Crowell, Finch and Merriweather. We're going to court tomorrow on that Penrose fraud case, but the steno misplaced your two hundred page deposition. Could you come down tonight and give it again?

Jim Rockford:
[grabs Angel by the collar] Angel, you're driving me crazy, you understand? I'm going crazy and I can't take it anymore!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Jimmy...

Jim Rockford:
[has his hand on Angel's throat] Years and years and years! I'm going out of my mind! Your stu-pid, ri-diculous lies and ideas and games year after year!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[croaks]... give me my windpipe...

Jim Rockford:
[lets go, looks at his hands; they're shaking] Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! [collapses against fence in hopelessness]

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[timidly] Jimmy...

Jim Rockford:
Just don't say anything! Just don't-say-anything!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Hey Jimmy...

Jim Rockford:
[sound of desperation] What?

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
I'm sorry... [Jim raises his head and looks at him in disbelief]

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Stick of gum? [he has pulled the packet out of his pocket and offering a piece. Jim accepts it without grace]

Jim Rockford:
[Jim and Angel are trying to figure out why all these people are after them, killed Kramer, and didn't take Rocky's Bronkbuster jeans] Or, no, maybe... maybe it's because they already knew everything about them.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Huh?

Jim Rockford:
Ah.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
What?

Jim Rockford:
[Takes a bite of his taco] Mmm-hmm. [Jim chews, smiles, and winks at Angel] .

Beth Davenport:
Two years ago when I first met you, I thought, 'This is the one', and I took out my little lariat and I swung it over my head and I took dead aim, and I tossed. I must have thrown it 50 times since then. But I gotta hand it to you, Jim, you're a tough catch. Sometime, I don't know, last year I guess, I sort of settled for friend and I started looking for someone with more long range possibilities. David looked like a good candidate.

Jim Rockford:
Thanks, but I'm still jealous.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Harry:
Jim, it's Harry. We've been waiting on you two hours. The forks! Where's the forks? Lasagna ain't no finger food!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Mr. Rockford, you don't know me but I'd like to hire you. Could you call me at... my name is, ugh... never mind, forget it.

Jim Rockford:
[Rockford agrees to buy a really bad abstract painting from a street vendor in exchange for information] Listen, if you ever see him again would you get his license number? I'd appreciate if if you would give me a call.

Trask:
Yea, okay. [Rockford turns and walks away] Oh hey, you forgot your painting!

Jim Rockford:
[Rockford looks at it again] Well not yet. But I'm trying!

Trask:
[Rockford goes back to the street artist for more information] Been waiting for you, man. Called you over two hours ago. Don't you ever check your service?

Jim Rockford:
Oh, now and then. [Rockford looks at one of the abstract paintings] You need a permit to carry one of these things?

Trask:
I told you I paint what I feel.

Jim Rockford:
You must not feel well!

Trask:
Yeah, well, it's yours for fifty bucks.

Jim Rockford:
Why would I want to buy a piece of junk like this?

Trask:
Gratitude. See, I got the license number of that dude you're looking for.

Jim Rockford:
[Rockford turns back and looks at the painting] You know, it does have a certain gross charm!

Trask:
I thought you'd like it.

[Rockford is trying to convince his client to go undercover]

Sara Butler:
How much of my own money am I going to earn back?

Jim Rockford:
I usually pay my operatives 20 bucks an hour for this kind of thing.

Sara Butler:
I wouldn't do it for less than 50.

Sara Butler:
You aren't afraid of him are you?

Jim Rockford:
You damn right I am.

Nick Butler:
You're a cop, huh?

Jim Rockford:
No, what I am sonny, is about fifty pounds heavier and one hell of a lot meaner so you better straighten up your act, I don't think I like you.

Jim Rockford:
You got to be one of the dumbest looking apes I ever saw.

Jim Rockford:
You know what's wrong with karate Jerry? It's based on the ridiculous assumption that the other guy will fight fair.

Message on answering machine:
Billings. LAPD. You know Thursday is Chapman's 20th year and we're giving a little surprise party at the Captain's. I think you should come. By the way, we need 5 bucks for the present.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[Beeep: The voice is barely audible because of loud traffic noise] Jimmy, this is Angel. Listen, I've got this new pad right over by the Hollywood freeway and some friends are coming [the sound of a large truck roars past] BORROW YOUR RECORD PLAYER...?

Pedro E. Ramirez:
My banking representatives will be by at five to cancel out the debt; have the money.

Jim Rockford:
Representatives? Plural?

Pedro E. Ramirez:
That's right

Jim Rockford:
I guess they travel in pairs 'cause that way they have twenty fingers and twenty toes.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Friend:
[beeep and caller talks very quickly] Jim, I leave London four o'clock, arrive in L.A. at nine, I guess that's London time, yep, four to five is nine, minus twelve hours flying... no plus twelve hours, ah but then there's a time change...

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Jake:
Rockford? Jake at the Sand Pebble. Sorry old buddy, but there have been gun shots around your place once too often. The neighborhood association wants to have a talk with you.

Jim Rockford:
O.K., what's the problem? It's a simple phone call, I'd do it myself but he'd recognize my voice.

Angel:
What's the real deal here? Who are the big fish about to be fried?

Jim Rockford:
What are you babbling about?

Angel:
I just got here. But you know ole Angel, I can always smell the grand green. You can start by telling little Margaritte she can drop the blind act. I ain't gonna snitch on her.

Jim Rockford:
[Incredulously] What is the matter with you? She IS blind! She had an accident 10 years ago! Now you get...

Angel:
[laughing] Jimmy, Jimmy. I know the moves. I know how it's done, son. I did two months as Blind Lemon Martin on Market St. up in 'Frisco. Dobro guitar and harmonica rack, sad-like and miserable, you know how bad I play. But I did 1500 bucks worth of quarters in a month. [whispers intently] The sympathy factor!

Jim Rockford:
If we could see a pictorial representation of your mind it would look like a fire drill in a state asylum.

Angel:
Yea, well anyway I know she's a classy lady, got a body by Pininfarina and all that. Now I know it ain't no low grade scam like mine. So what is it? Is she fronting for some charity? She goes around to all the big corporations and you come along as the packager of the telethon? I love it. LOVVVVE IT! Let me in on it, Jimmy. I can be the research doctor, take a painless 2%.

Jim Rockford:
You'll get in for what I give you. [He shoves him through door] Get in there!

Jim Rockford:
[to Angel Martin] If there was a pictorial representation of your mind, it would look like a fire drill in the state asylum!"

Jolene Hyland:
You're not mad at me - are you?

Jim Rockford:
No - why?

Jolene Hyland:
Because of what I thought back there.

Jim Rockford:
No. You thought I was a crook? You made a normal, logical assumption.

Jolene Hyland:
I had no right!

Jim Rockford:
You had every right.

Jolene Hyland:
Well, I really feel awful about it. Will you forgive me?

Jim Rockford:
Jolene, do you know what you do?

Jolene Hyland:
What?

Jim Rockford:
You apologize - all the time!

Jolene Hyland:
I do?

Jim Rockford:
Yeah.

Jolene Hyland:
I'm sorry.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
It's Doc Jones. What did you do to the hand, son - three fractured knuckles! You hit somebody?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Hey, Jim, it's me, Susie Loomis from the laundromat. You said you were gonna call and it's been two weeks. What's wrong, you lose my number?

Angel Martin:
[kibitzing during a chess game between Jim and Rocky using jailhouse chess lingo] This here game's over, man. Well you've got to move your boss, or Rocky's gonna lay a subpoena on him. Then his torpedo, he's gonna smoke your old lady, and all your heavies'll be doing time. 'Cept for maybe your mouthpiece, and Rocky's sheriff's got him put in the corner. You've got nothing left but punks and junkies. You're through, Jimmy.

[first lines]

Jim Rockford:
[telephone answering machine] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Beth Davenport:
Jim, it's Beth. You have the vet's number, the flea collar, and extra litter. One thing I forgot. Keep him away from other cats. He's not very discriminating.

Angel Martin:
[Angel enters the squad room, trying to avoid meeting Sgt. Becker] Jimmy, Jimmy, come here. [motions for Rockford to come over to him]

Jim Rockford:
Angel, where have you been?

Angel Martin:
Jimmy, can I talk to you for a second? I know you're mad at me. I know this thing can be explained, I swear.

Jim Rockford:
Where's my car?

Angel Martin:
Your car? It's fine. There's no need to report it stolen, Jimmy. I filled it up with gas, I even got it washed. [Angel looks at Becker and waves to him] Hi Captain!

Dennis Becker:
You've got jailbird written all over you. Where'd you do time, sport?

Angel Martin:
Time? Time... [he reaches into his pocket for his watch] It's five o'clock. [He reaches for Rockford] C'mon let's go. [Becker gets up and walks over to Angel] San Quentin. Four years, but I got out in three for good behavior. I even sang in the choir, didn't I, Jimmy?

Dennis Becker:
Who is this guy?

Jim Rockford:
Oh, uh, [points to each in turn] Angel Martin, Dennis Becker.

Dennis Becker:
Angel Martin... you're in the known associates file.

Angel Martin:
Right, right, probably with Jimmy, we were both in at San Quentin, together. [laughing] I guess you could say we both owned a piece of the rock.

[last lines]

Jim Rockford:
Hey, Angel, what about my car? I want my car!

Angel Martin:
We're gonna find it any day now, Jimmy!

Minister:
I've been asked by the bereaved relatives of the late Angel Martin to say a few words about the beloved deceased. When I spoke with his dear mother, she told me of Mr. Martin's great work in charity. He was involved with several large state institutions, many of which still bear the improvements of his great mind. His brother in law, Mr. Kiel, has told me that the newspaper where Mr. Martin was employed as a survey and sanitation expert will sorely miss his journalistic talents. I see as I look out over this vast congregation that there are many of the deceased's closest friends, who were with him in the thoroughbred racing association. When it came to being a soldier, Mr. Martin was among the bravest, serving with great distinction in Korea, and finally being discharged after several military hearings which included the top generals in our nation's forces. There are several legal precedents that were established during these hearings, and one point of landmark law - dealing with the refusal to bear arms - a statute which has moved forward the great tide of military justice. It is with deep grief that we mourn the loss of our dear friend, Angel Martin.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
[Jim's just returned to his trailer with the person Angel sent Jim to 'rough up' and the guys 'brother.' When Angel sees them, he screams "no, Jimmy" and runs and jumps into Rocky's truck. The two thugs jump into Jim's car and chase after Angel. After witnessing this, Rocky walks up to Jim, puzzled] What's going on here?

Jim Rockford:
I don't know.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
Who are those guys?

Jim Rockford:
I don't know.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
What do you know?

Jim Rockford:
Nothing.

Sid:
[Angel's finished explaining the whole kerfuffle he's in - and has now got Jim involved in, as well. All of the sudden, two thugs show up - with guns - one on either side of Rocky's truck, and open the doors. The big 'head thug' bellows] Out!

Jim Rockford:
There, you see?

Angel Martin:
Isn't my fault.

Jim Rockford:
Is too.

Angel Martin:
Is not.

Jim Rockford:
Is too.

Sid:
[Forcefully] OUT!

Jim Rockford:
[Jim and Angel just escaped from psychotic mobster, Chester Sierra, and Jim's VERY mad with Angel after what Angel pleaded win Chester, after he ordered his goons to take them both out and kill them. Jim parrots it back to Angel] Look, why killers both? Why don't you just do Jimmy?

Jim Rockford:
[Jim's hustled quickly out of the police station after Angel has been grilled by Becker. Jim knows Angel has some sort of hustle going on, but doesn't know what it is. Jim just wants his car back - which the two goons had taken when they went to chase after Angel. Angel and Jim are now standing across from the police station] Angel, where is my car?

Angel Martin:
[Trying to sound reassuring, but vague] It's in the L.A. area.

Jim Rockford:
Angel!

Angel Martin:
Listen, Jimmy. You was about to make a giant mistake in there. You were going to tell that flat-foot to go looking for your car, and I couldn't let you do that. For your own good, I couldn't.

Jim Rockford:
Why?

Angel Martin:
[Angel looks nervously around] because there's $30,000 cash hidden in the left front door handle.

Jim Rockford:
[At a momentary loss for words] Where did it come from?

Angel Martin:
I put it there. Listen, Jimmy I can't tell you how bad this police section is affecting me. I'm getting a bad case of the Fifth Amendment. Now let's get out of here and I'll tell it so much better. A whole lot better. [Angel darts to the truck's passenger door, as Jim - mouths 'thirty thousand' - walks towards the driver's side]

Angel Martin:
[Angel and Jim are in Rocky's truck, as Jim's car is missing - due to thugs taking it to chase after Angel. Angel tries to explain what is going on, and why he did what he did - for momey] . Anyway, I've been, you know, giving her what I make down at the paper to my mother. She hadn't been feeling well.

Jim Rockford:
[Sarcastically] Sounds to need like she's doing a little better.

Angel Martin:
[Puzzled] What do you mean?

Jim Rockford:
She died when we were in prison.

Jim Rockford:
[Jim walks out of the police station with Angel. He'd just been about to report. His car is stolen to Becker, when Angel shows up, and hustle Jim out of the station. Jim's very angry his car is missing, after Angel ran off and the two thugs took Jim's car to go after him ] Angel, where is my car?

Angel Martin:
It's in the L.A. area.

Jim Rockford:
Angel!

Angel Martin:
Listen, Jimmy you was about to make a giant mistake in there. You were going to tell that flatfoot to go looking for your car, and I couldn't let you do that. For your own good, I couldn't.

Jim Rockford:
[Angrier, still] Why?

Angel Martin:
[Angel nervously looks around ] Because there's $30,000 cash hidden in the left front door panel.

Jim Rockford:
[Taken aback, and at a momentary loss of words] Where'd it come from?

Angel Martin:
I put it there. Listen, Jimmy, I can't tell you how bad this police station's affecting me. I'm getting a bad case of the fifth amendment. Now let's get out of here, and I'll tell it so much better. A whole lot better. [Angel darts off to the passenger side of Rocky's truck, as Jim heads to the driver's side, perplexed] .

Angel Martin:
[Angel is in the passenger seat of Rock'y trick, as Jim drives, explaining to Jim what Angel is up,to] Well, I don't need to tell you I'm a little short on money. You know that and... X anyway, I've been, you know, giving half what I make down at the paper to my mother. She hadn't been feeling well.

Jim Rockford:
Sounds to me like she's doing a little better.

Angel Martin:
[Quizzically] What do you mean?

Jim Rockford:
She died when we were in prison.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Mr. Rockford? This is the Thomas Crown School of Dance And Contemporary Etiquette. We aren't going to call again. Now, you want these free lessons or what?

Capt. Highland:
[Jim's been called in to tell Capt. highland what he knows about Charlie Manning. He's in the Capt.'s office with Becker, and Rockford refuses to tell the captain what he knows, unless the captain's more forthcoming with info as well.Captain Highland tells Jim Manning is an undercover cop, on a job, and hes supposed to check in with Manning every hour, but, he's two hours overdue] If he turns up dead, and I can find anything to prove that you knew something that could have saved him, you're gonna wind up an accessory after the fact in his murder.

Jim Rockford:
No, I'm not. I'm not even gonna be a material witness, unless the DA can establish me on preliminary, which he can't. There's no foundation. And he can't get me into cross-examination for the same reason. So [Jim winks at Highland] , thanks for the invitation. I think I'll go fishing. [Capt. Highland's taken aback, and stunned into silence. He looks at Becker]

Dennis Becker:
[Chewing his lips, and looking up at the ceiling, to avoid Highland's eyes] He's been around, captain.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Shirley:
[Beeep] It's Shirley at the Plant and Pot. There's no easy way to tell you this Jim. We did everything we could... Your fern died...

Jim Rockford:
Dad, who turned you on to this scheme?

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
Harry Schreau down at the Gear Tavern. He's the one always buying drinks for the house.

Jim Rockford:
Dad, isn't Harry also the one who lost five hundred bucks on an astrology chain letter?

Gerald A. O'Malley:
[Jim calls Mr. O'Malley - a slightly paranoid survivalist with a bomb shelter out back of his property. Jim calls him, pretending there's about to be a nuclear attack, in order to get Mr. O'Malley safe, by having him get into his shelter] Hello?

Jim Rockford:
[Usiing a southern drawl] Mr. Gerald A. O'Malley?

Gerald A. O'Malley:
Yeah?

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, this is Roger Martel, sir. Kern County civil defense.

Gerald A. O'Malley:
[Happy and eager to do his part'] Yes sir! What can I do for you?

Jim Rockford:
Government agencies have informed us that the Che Guevera unit of the ALF is planning to detonate eight jerry-rigged nuclear devices in Bakersfield, unless some federal prisoners are released by daybreak this morning.

Gerald A. O'Malley:
Now, wait a minute. What's the yield, man? What's the yield? Am I in the kill radius?

Jim Rockford:
We are not sure what the yield is, but you're correct in your assumption. You are in the kill radius.

Gerald A. O'Malley:
Well, you're very calm about it! I've written you people letter after letter about this kind of thing, and you've ignored it! Now - now you're, you're certain that she's going to blow?

Jim Rockford:
Just in case, sir, my advice would be to proceed immediately, and I repeat, immediately, to your bomb shelter. We've already had some leaks on this, and as your neighbors may come seeking protection from you, and no doubt they would be armed and desperate...

Gerald A. O'Malley:
Oh, shut up! I've got 1 million things to do here! [O'Malley slams down phone]

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Jim, it's Jack. I'm at the airport. I'm going to Tokyo and I wanna pay the $500 I owe ya. Catch you next year when I get back.

Ella Mae White:
He's only 3 and a half but can play 4.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
This is Dr. Souter. My nurse tells me you've blown four root canal appointments. Well, you're finished in this office.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Because the way you live says so much about you, your home has been selected by Royal Imperial Roofing and Siding as our neighborhood showcase. A bonded representative will call on you.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Toby:
This is Toby. I forgot what I was calling for. Your recording is so boring... spike it with some humour, some personality... something!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[to barber] Well, just think Mastroianni, you know, the Mexican movie star, you know, only leave it a little full.

Electric Larry:
Smick, the club soda dispenser in the bar is busted

Harry Smick:
It was fixed last week.

Electric Larry:
Uh huh, fixed last week. You go down there and tell that to the customer standing there drinking scotch and air.

Beth Davenport:
I hope Angel won't say anything that's gonna get Rocky into trouble.

Jim Rockford:
Hey, Angel has been in stir, he knows better than to talk without his lawyer present and you're his lawyer. Angel knows better - he'll keep his mouth shut.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[Scene changes to Angel being interrogated by Federal Agents] [Excitedly] See, you want to be talking to Jim Rockford and his father, Joseph. Let me spell that for ya: That's Rockford, R-O-C-K-F-O-R-D.

Agent Steiner:
You'd better be straight with us, Martin.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Straight? Straight? I'm so straight my back's hurting.

Agent Steiner:
You better be, we've got a shopping list of charges to hang on somebody, You're pretty handy right now.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Who me? Charges?

Agent Steiner:
Five-to-ten for fraud, five-to-ten for conspiracy to avoid taxes, five-to-ten for obstructing justice, twenty-to-life for accessory to murder.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Murder? Wait a minute - wait a second, I wouldn't murder no one, not for a couple of Cs. No, you want to talk to the Rockford Gang, that's R-O-C-K-F-O-R-D!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Now who'd want to kill me?

Jim Rockford:
You want the names alphabetically or in order of importance?

Jim Rockford:
The is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll bet back to you.

Friend:
[Beeep] Jim, thanks for taking little Billy fishing; he had a great time. Turns out he wasn't really even seasick... Umm, have you ever had chicken pox?

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
I don't go by Angel anymore...

Jim Rockford:
Just who are you? The Archduke of Guacamole?

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[Jim is angry that Angel failed to shoot when he called out the code word] I didn't hear you Jimmy, I mean if you're gonna give a code word you've got to shout it out.

Jim Rockford:
Get out of here!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
I've had trouble with my ears, my doctor said something about a ruptured disk.

Jim Rockford:
That's in your *back*.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Well, it's been affecting my hearing.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Bookie:
Here's the tally, Jimbo. You had Atlanta at even money - tough break - and you got bombed in the Duke-Wake Forest fiasco, and you split the quinella at Holly Park. So you owe the book four dollars and fifty cents. Anytime before Friday, huh, buddy?

Jim Rockford:
I was driving in from Denver the other day and I had a real sense of a job well done; you know, I'm drivin' along, singin' a song - I roll down the window - just belted it out - then I get home, I get this phone call and ever since I've felt like Audie Murphy in Six Ways to Sundown.

Jim Rockford:
[outgoing phone message] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

caller:
[incoming message] It's Morrie, I got a call from Davis at the IRS. You were right. They bounced your return. Call me.

Jim Rockford:
Cataloguing my virtues won't work either. I hold them to a minimum so they're easy to keep track of.

Lt. Dan Hall:
[red-faced] Don't tell me what I can do! I can do any damn thing I wanna do! Now you're going to get your tail off that table and you're going to take me to the money, and you're going to do it right now!

Jim Rockford:
Hey calm down Lieutenant, they're going to take you home in a respirator!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Receptionist:
[Beeep] Hi, this is the Happy Pet Clinic. Your father gave us this number when he left town. The calico stray had six kittens. Please come get them - today!

Lt. Dan Hall:
[patronizingly] Well yesterday you got yourself in a heap of trouble son.

Jim Rockford:
[sarcastically] Well gee Dad, how'd I do that?

Jim Rockford:
You mean I can't fan this thing like Roy Rogers?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
This is the blood bank. If you don't have malaria, hepatitis, or TB, we'd like to have a pint of your blood.

Jim Rockford:
That's another thing my daddy always said: smart folks always eat off the same plate, but those greedy ones always spill their dinner.

Richard Lessing:
I'm beginning to tire of your daddy.

Beth Davenport:
That car is the closest thing you have to a mistress.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Computer Recording:
Hi There! If you're interested in selling your product by a computerized telephone sale, stay on the line and one of our representatives will speak to you.

Beth Davenport:
I don't want to raid Harcourt and Lowe's client list when I leave, but I am worried about clients; where are they going to come from?

Jim Rockford:
Oh hey, they'll come, they'll come, and, you know, you've always got me!

Beth Davenport:
Thanks Jim. I was talking about paying clients though...

Susan Kenniston:
[Beth, Susan, Lessing, and Harcourt are arguing over whether to continue the underwater project] I don't, because I think I know what's causing this obstructionism: the idea of *me* bringing you business, the idea that *I* have something of my own to bring. As that old saying goes,"It's not enough that I succeed; all of my old friends must fail."

Beth Davenport:
I resent that very much, Susan.

Sumner Harcourt:
Ladies, ladies, let's not have a cat fight.

Beth Davenport:
[Outraged] A cat fight!

Sumner Harcourt:
Oh, she's going to get semantic.

Jim Rockford:
[Rockford, as Jimmy Joe Meeker, has barged into Lessing's office] It's funny sometimes how people get invited to a picnic and never eat no chicken.

Richard Lessing:
I've never been to a picnic. Now, there's a door over there and I suggest you go through it before Virgil here helps you off with your hat.

Jim Rockford:
Ah, now I understand that kind of talk, I do. My daddy used to say,"When you look a man right in the eye it's hard to get your hand on his wallet."

Richard Lessing:
How insightful. Virgil, throw this sodbuster out.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Jim, it's Eddie. You were right about Sweet Talk in the seventh. She breezed in, paid $72.50. But I didn't get your bet down.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Okay, pal, it's Harry. I just checked my car. You kept the battery charged all right, you also put thirty-five hundred miles on it!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Angel:
Hey, Jimmy, it's Angel. Don't pay no attention to my other message. You're out of it. You're clean, no trouble at all. Just ignore the first message.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[beeep] Jimmy! Angel! Listen, Eddie Talavora just give me a hot tip on a class filly in the eighth out at Holly Park. Only problem is I need a twenty!

Jim Rockford:
[referring to tips given by Angel] The last horse he gave me could've used a skateboard!

Cynthia Germaine:
[while kicking suitacses] Normally I never lift anything heavier than a coke spoon.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Anonymous Caller:
Say, I'm the one who hit your car at Fort City. I've got no insurance; I'm broke, but I really want you to know how sorry I am. If it makes you feel any better I hurt my arm!

Jim Rockford:
Who? Clement? Oh sure. Yeah, he's got more lines than a telephone company!

Jim Rockford:
How do you like that? Your Cripple Creek sausages are being distributed by a Chinese noodle company. That oughta knock the old down home country image right in the head.

Country singer Charlie Strayhorn:
I've been thinkin' of takin' some time off. Maybe spending it with Ched or gettin' Carrie tuh understand somethin'. I've got this German tour comin' up. Hill says I've gotta put some of that dough in a Swiss bank and I'd beat the Feds outta their share. In fact, I've gotta do that cuz Carrie's goin' tuh wipe me out. [laughs] she don't want it that way, but I don't want it this way, but we're doin' it any way... there may be a lyric in there somewhere?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Manny:
[Beeep] Jim, this is Manny down at Ralph's and Maura's. Some guy name Angel Martin just ran up a fifty buck bar tab, and now he wants to charge it to you. You gonna pay it?

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Muriel is dead! D-on-the-e-d!

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
Why do I have to go hiding out at LJ's for?

Jim Rockford:
Because Angel wasn't satisfied with putting me on the critical list, he wants to put the whole family on it.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Y'know Jimmy, I've got some feelings too. "If you prick me, do I not bleed?"

Jim Rockford:
That's Shakespeare!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[Condescendingly] No it's not. Vincent Price said it on the Hollywood Squares.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
'If you prick me, do I not bleed?'

Jim Rockford:
That's Shakespeare,

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
No it's not. Vincent Price said it on the Hollywood Squares.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Mr. Rockford, Miss Miller of the Bartlett Book Club. "Great Detectives of America" is not in stock, so we sent you "Cooking Made Easy". Hope you enjoy it.

Jim Rockford:
[outgoing phone message] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

caller:
[incoming phone message] This is the Message Phone Company. I see you're using our unit, now how 'bout paying for it?

Mr. Hoad:
Where is she?

Jim Rockford:
Oh, you're kidding. She's my get away free card.

Mr. Hoad:
You ain't got no "get away free card." You maybe got one chance in 10,000 of surviving the next 30 seconds.

Jim Rockford:
For 10% I don't risk my neck. I just stand around and look tough.

Police Det. Dennis Becker:
Let me get this straight: You have a client who has the same name as Herman Goering's HOUSE?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Anonymous Woman:
Hey, am I too late for those African goats? Haven't got the whole three hundred cash, but like I've got a lot of homemade cheese... Maybe we could work something out...?

Police Det. Dennis Becker:
Stand over there, please. This is official department memoranda open only to department personnel.

Jim Rockford:
Boy, you talk about the Nazis around you and it rubs off!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Sorry Jim, this is for Rocky. Hey Rock, Stan. Got that red head and her sister, 10:30 at Macy's Grill!

Gandolph Fitch:
Shut up Gabby!

Jim Rockford:
Gabby...?

Marcus 'Gabby' Hayes:
[sighs] Yeah, that's what he calls me. Cute, huh?

Jim Rockford:
[snorts in disbelief] Gabby and Gandy - sounds like a puppet show.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

George Debohn:
[Beeep] George Debohn, Malibu Space Watch. Had three sightings last week. You see anything unusual? Your television reception interrupted? Call 555-1313.

Jim Rockford:
Sons often send flowers to their dead parents, especially Catholics, so you find the mother's grave, find where the flowers are being sent from. Then you go to the flower shop, look at the account, trace the man who sent the flowers and then bingo, up pops your missing heir.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
That is really smart!

Jim Rockford:
Well, I'm pretty good at it Dad, and it's safe; [he glances at the can in Rocky's hand] it buys ham for Gandy to eat and beer for you to drink...

Gandolph Fitch:
[limousine phone buzzes] Hey Gabby, you got your phone fixed.

Marcus 'Gabby' Hayes:
...yeah... Hello, Marcus Aurelius Hayes.

Tom Flannery:
[condescending voice] Mr. Hayes this is Tom Flannery at Limousine World. How much longer are you going to need our car, sir, on a trial basis before you decide to buy it?

Marcus 'Gabby' Hayes:
Well, Mr. Flannery, I may need it a little longer, you see, I've been thinking of buying a fleet of five or six...

Tom Flannery:
[voice becomes obsequious] Of course, Mr Hayes! Take as long as you like!

Marcus 'Gabby' Hayes:
[chuckles] Thanks my good man.

Gandolph Fitch:
Hayes, without your mouth you'd be just like me!

Marcus 'Gabby' Hayes:
[Searching for the heir, Marcus and Gandy walk into a bar - a Nazi bar. Everyone - dressed in their Third Reich best costumes - turns to stare at the two men. Gandy defers to Marcus to do the talking. They stroke up to the bar, and Marcus asks for a Martini - which the bartender ignores - silently staring at the two men, as wel] This is a nice place you have here. You know, the nice thing about this country? That people from all political walks of life can coexist. Democrats, Republicans, independence, Socialists, Nazis.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Mr. Rockford? This is Betty Jo Withers. I got four shirts of yours from the Bo Peep Cleaners by mistake. I don't know why they gave me men's shirts but they're going back!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
This is Thelma Sue Bigley. It's about the research I called you about - the family tree? Did you talk to your daddy? We may be kin!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Chet:
[beeep] Jim? Chet returning your call. Sorry I missed you, but I appreciate you calling back. If you call again and I'm not in just leave your message and I'll get back to YOU!

Peggy Becker:
Has everyone got a glass? Now we are going to have a toast. Okay, are you ready? To my husband Lieutenant Becker. [reaction of delight from everyone]

Police Det. Dennis Becker:
That's right, and Deputy Town called me and said that's it!

Jim Rockford:
Great! That's really great! Lieutenant! I told you Rocky, I told everyone he was going to do it! That's great!

Police Det. Dennis Becker:
[grinning] There's only one problem: Lieutenant Chapman. From here on I've got to call him Doug! [laughter all around]

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Betty Farnell:
[Beeep] This is Betty Farnell. I don't know who to call, but I can't reach my foodaholics partner! I'm at Vito's on my second pizza with sausages and mushrooms; Jim come and get me!

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
You're gonna see a real princess... dressed like that?

Jim Rockford:
Well sure Dad, I don't have much choice. My satin knee britches and barouche are still at the cleaners.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Sucker bets! Would I bring you sucker bets?

Jim Rockford:
You'd bring me a dead rat in your teeth if you thought there was twenty bucks in it for you!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Janelle:
[Beeep] Jim, this is Janelle. I'm flying tonight so I can't make our date, and I've got to find a safe place for Danny. He loves you Jim! It's only two days and you'll see, Great Danes are no problem...

Jim Rockford:
You said you wanted to see me Dennis? [Angel waves at Rockford] Did you call me in because of him? I'm in the middle of a murder investigation.

Dennis Becker:
And I'm right in the middle of my night off. Your friend Mr. Martin here thought you might be able to shed some light on how he happens to be housing eight Shetland ponies in a residential garage.

Angel:
Jimmy, they got everybody including the Humane Society on my case. It's a three car garage, there's plenty of room, I even left a light on.

Jim Rockford:
I don't have time for this, Angel. Kendall was almost killed tonight, Princess Rachevsky is on her way down here to the station.

Angel:
You haven't got time for this? It's because of your princess and you I got into this mess.

Jim Rockford:
No, no, Angel, you got yourself into it. You always do.

Angel:
That's it? That's your statement on my behalf?

Jim Rockford:
That's it. [Turns around and leaves]

Angel:
Look, look, Dennis... uh, Lieutenant...

Dennis Becker:
This is Robbery/Homicide. Let's move it down to Bunco.

Angel:
Bunco? Why, because I'm unfamiliar with your zoning laws?

Dennis Becker:
Because besides finding the eight ponies, we found a forged British passport and a letter of recommendation from Queen Elizabeth! Let's go, Duke!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
[beeep] Sonny, this message ain't for you, it's for me. I just wanna remind myself to pick up the big ladder at the paint mart.

Jim Rockford:
[looking up at the seven foot tall goon next to him] Klaatu barada nikto!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Marie:
[beeep] This is Marie at Liberty Bail Bonds. Your client Todd Leeman skipped, and his bail is forfeit. That's the pink slip on your '79 Firebird, I believe. Sorry, Jim. Bring it on over.

Jim Rockford:
[concerned, goes to the side of young man who has been shot in the foot during a struggle] Hey, Randy?

Randy Smith:
My shoe, man, what's wrong with it?

Jim Rockford:
[gets up and walks away in disgust] Downers...!

Megan K. Dougherty:
Love is the word they keep you from grappling too hard with.

Jim Rockford:
I do love you.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Miss Collins:
[beeep] Mr. Rockford, Miss Collins for the Bureau of Licenses. We got your renewal for the extended deadline, but not your check. I'm sorry, but at midnight you're no longer licensed as an investigator.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
[rummaging around in the stuff in the back of the truck that's going to the Good Will] If you don't help that boy's daddy, I'm gonna be mad at you!

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, well life's full of bitter disappointments, Dad! I have a question for you. Why are you doing poking around in there again?

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
Well I gotta question for you too! Where did this toaster come from?

Jim Rockford:
[becomes sheepish] That toaster...? Oh... that's the one you gave me for Christmas...

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
[indignant] Yeah! Thirty-four dollars and seventy-five cents! [miffed he marches back to the trailer with the toaster]

Jim Rockford:
[defensively] Well it got in by mistake! How was... well, I can't... those things happen!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Denny:
Jim, Denny from Denny's Pest Blasters. Got a great deal for ya. We'll rub out your rodents at a tremendously low cost, so call us. We're in the Yellow Pages and we mean business.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Pete:
It's Pete. Hope you enjoyed using the cabin last week, only next time leave the trout in the refrigerator, huh, not the cupboard!

Mitch Donner:
You're stalling Rockford; you don't want to be in the wheel-chair basketball team.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Frank:
[beeep] Jim, Frank. I put a new outlet in the kitchen. I lay in the cable and the box, then I pulled the breaker, just like you said, and both of my TV sets start burning. What do I do now?

Lance White:
What we'll do is go back to my place, sit down with a little cognac and some Resphigi and figure this one out.

Freddie Beamer:
I've never liked Resphigi very much. Put too much cheese on it. Maybe a steak and a beer, something like that.

Jim Rockford:
A state senator and a bus driver? What's the connection?

Lance White:
Some things you just have to accept. You know, this is just a hunch, Jim, but I think the bus driver had something on the senator. Maybe the senator was having an affair with the bus driver's wife?

Jim Rockford:
And just where did that come from?

Lance White:
Hunches don't come from any place, Jim, they're just hunches. That's how we solve our cases. We get hunches, they turn out to be right, and the case gets solved. Gee, I don't know how you survive as a private investigator, Jim. You don't seem to know any of this stuff.

Lance White:
When you look at the sun and the stars, the majesty of the firmament, well, our little problems seem very insignificant. And when you add to that the fact that you have friends, *good* friends, friends who want to help you, well, this old world just seems a whole lot better, doesn't it, Fred?

Freddie Beamer:
Dontcha think you ought to load that gat in case we gotta smoke a bad guy or somethin'?

Jim Rockford:
Freddy, lemme tell ya somethin', Freddy. There's one thing you never do: you never say "put 'em up." You smile at the guy, then sucker-punch him.

Lance White:
Hey, things'll work out, Fred. Buck up! Every dark cloud has a silver lining.

Freddie Beamer:
Y'know, I just love it when you talk like that. Its great!

Lance White:
I know. Everybody does. That's why I do it.

Lance White:
Maybe we should forget about lunch and follow up a lead or something?

Jim Rockford:
Which lead did you have in mind, Lance?

Lance White:
We don't have one, Jim.

Jim Rockford:
[laughing] Then I guess it would be hard to follow up then, huh?

Lance White:
C'mon, you and I both know that when you need a lead one always shows up. That's the way it works.

Jim Rockford:
[Frustrated] No, it never just shows up, Lance. Never. Watch my lips: NEV - VER.

Freddie Beamer:
Hey guys, look at this. [He gives Rockford a picture]

Jim Rockford:
What's that?

Freddie Beamer:
I found this last night with the Senator. It was in his hand.

Jim Rockford:
[Disbelievingly] Sure it was.

Freddie Beamer:
Yea, I put it in my pocket and forgot about it.

Lance White:
This could be the lead we've been waiting for, Jim.

Jim Rockford:
Wait, wait, wait a minute, let me get this straight. Ten seconds ago we had no leads, nothing, huh?

Lance White:
That's right.

Jim Rockford:
And now Beamer pulls this picture of a band leader or something out of his pocket and says it was in the dead man's hand, and then he tells us it's been in his coat for 18 hours, and it shows up right now when we need it?

Lance White:
That's exactly right, Jim. What's the problem?

Jim Rockford:
Oh, no problem. No, no problem at all. I just want to get it straight. I may want to tell an analyst. [Turns and walks away]

Jim Rockford:
[answering machine] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
[beep] Oh, I thought this was Dial-a-Joke. I'm going to a party, and I need some ice-breakers. But, uh, I guess that's that!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Pals of Jim:
[Beeep and drunken men begin to sing] We're down at Hennessey's Bar, Jim, having a great kazoo. You better get down here quick, Jim, or we'll come and sing up your flue! Ha ha ha...

Jim Rockford:
If you don't know what holds the moon in space, then a lovesick fool is all you'll ever be.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Dora:
[Beeep] Jimmy, this is Dora. Gonna move in with the kids, but I'll sure miss you, dear. Thank you for taking out the garbage every week; I'll send you a card for your birthday.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you

Cal:
[Beeep] Jim, this is Cal from the Leave the Whales Alone club. Our protest cruise leaves from the pier Saturday 3pm; the whales need you, Jim!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[curled up in the sand groaning] Jimmy! Jim-m-my!

Jim Rockford:
[crouches down beside him and slaps him on the shoulder unsympathetically] Hey, wanna come out now?

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Jimmy, oh Jimmy, they hit me, Jim...!

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, that's what it looked like to me too. You okay?

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
...I don't know... I... maybe I oughta talk to my attorney before I give a quick answer...

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[jaw drops at the sight of his totalled lemon] Look what you did to Lucille, my '59 cherry Cad convertible. It's a collectors item!

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, you oughta collect it on fifty bucks!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
You can't even get body work on it now!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Good idea, Jim, except I thought you oughta know that if you try to take off with my share of the treasure, I'll take old Joe here as a hostage.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
[shakes his cane at him] Now you just try and old Joe will stove your head in!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[trying to sound menacing] Hey! Buckaroo, I don't let nobody outta my sight. This is the Big One! This is the Big Score! I don't sleep. I sit on my blanket with my gun on my lap and I keep an eye on you all night long...

Jim Rockford:
[unimpressed, he looks at Althea Morgan] Yeah, Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Humphrey Bogart, Walter Huston, Tim Holt; terrific ending. Almost everybody ate a bullet!

John McLinton:
[the morning after Jim makes a huge racket, which C.C. Calloway records, Jim's feeling beat, and he's out early, walking the are, drinking coffee, as he looks at the damaged Firebird, when he bumps into the speaker of the community association, and his dog - 'Mac' - McArthur] C.C. Will have a field day with this. Well have to have a committee meeting.

Jim Rockford:
Well, maybe you are to just put it up to about, huh? I mean, if you people want me out, maybe eight or two just leave.

John McLinton:
I don't want you to leave, Jim, neither do the rest of us. All the things wrong with you is that you're in a kind of strange business. But Mac and I like having you around. [Mac the dog] 'arf, arf, arf... '

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Dennis Becker:
Hey Jimbo. Dennis. Really appreciate the help on the income tax... Ya wanna help on the audit now?

Dennis Becker:
Make Lieutenant? I'll be lucky if I make the end of the week!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Receptionist:
[Beeep] This is Dr. Salter's office again regarding that root canal. The doctor's in his office... waiting. He's beginning to dislike you-u-u!

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
I didn't like it when you was messing around with your boy scout knife; I sure don't like it now that you're messing around with machine guns!

Alec Morris:
I was told that you were very reliable...

Jim Rockford:
Reliable... but chicken.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Hey Jimmy. This here's Titus Garrett. Remember me? From the Army? I'm stuck here in town. How about I come over and bunk with you, buddy!

Doris Parker:
[Jin's been asked to come to Mrs. Parker's home, as she has more information, which she hope will encourage Rockford to stay on the case. But, he's hesitant, as he's already been beaten up, charged w/ filing a false police report, and is facing the possibility of a $10 million lawsuit] You're turning into a big disappointment for me. Don't you ever think about anyone but yourself?

Jim Rockford:
[Matter-of-factly] No. Well, yeah, sometimes at Christmas.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Mrs. Bosley:
This is Mrs. Bosley at the library. We billed you for your overdue book Karate Made Easy. When we abuse the library we don't get our cards renewed!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Anonymous Caller:
[Beeep] Hey, I saw your ad in the classified: three African goats for sale. I keep calling and all I get is the machine. Is that a typo in the paper or what?

Jane Patten:
You're an unusual blend, Jim. You know, you're sweet, kind of losing it, kind of fascist.

Jane Patten:
Poor little animal - gave his life to make this.

[she bites into her burger]

Jim Rockford:
You know, I've just about had it with you!

Jane Patten:
What's the matter?

Jim Rockford:
I'm tired of your philosophising and moralizing and whining...

Jane Patten:
Whining?

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, you want to give a sermon about a hamburger and you've got the gall enough to eat it!

Jane Patten:
Ordinarily I wouldn't touch meat, but I'm hungry. And even Bhagavad Gita says...

Jim Rockford:
Oh stow it, okay! You know if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place! Your flakey attitude! You hand me problems at every turn. You can't even remember anything, now I'm buying you your meals. What can you do, lady?

Jane Patten:
My consciousness doesn't lend itself to problem solving like yours, okay! I'm into an alternative lifestyle. I'm a seeker after truth. Now what's so wrong with that?

Jim Rockford:
You're alternative lifestyle comes out of somebody else's pocket. You mooch, you borrow, you hardly work, but it doesn't go along with it there. They're fascists, unmellow, competitive; all that love and freedom is just another way of saying me first!

Jane Patten:
It is not!

Jim Rockford:
Yes it is! You just don't have a sense of responsibility, that's all there is to it!

Jane Patten:
What I mean is I'm not into a structured living or accumulated things. I'm into my consciousness!

Jim Rockford:
Consciousness! You're practically unconscious 24 hours a day! What you're into is having someone else do your thinking for you. There's Gordon Borchet, Baa Baa the Bhagavad Gita. Next it's going to be Sam Levenson or Francis the Talking Mule for all I know. They have all the answers, right. Don't you have any answers of your own?

Jane Patten:
Those are pathways to bliss...

Jim Rockford:
Hmm, maybe. But you don't practice them, you just talk about them. You've flipped from Ashram to water tank and back! Are you any happier for it? Look around you. You see a lotta bliss out there?

Jane Patten:
I don't think I've done so bad for being 32 years old.

Jim Rockford:
You're 40. I've seen your driver's license.

Jane Patten:
I was 40, but I'm making positive affirmations! I'm 32... I'm youthing myself.

Jim Rockford:
You're 40.

Jane Patten:
But I don't want to get old...

Jim Rockford:
Well neither do I.

Jane Patten:
But you see we don't have to. Not if...

Jim Rockford:
There's nothing you can do about it. That's the way it is. I'm sorry to be the bearer of the bad news. There's no easy answer, you know. No quickie nirvana. You don't like it, tough, join the club!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Plumber:
[Beeep] Gene's 24 Hour Emergency Plumbing. Your water heater's blown? We'll have somebody out there Tuesday... Thursday at the latest.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Sue Ellen:
[Beeep] Mr. Rockford? Sue Ellen. Our class is having that crazy scavenger hunt I told you about. If you're wondering what happened to your trailer door, it's gonna win me first prize!

Jim Rockford:
[Answering machine steps in] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave you name and message, I'll get back to you.

Lou:
[Beeep] Hey Jimmy! It's Cousin Lou! Goin' ta be in town fer a coupla days. Know ya won't mind puttin' us up. It's just me and Aunt Cissy and B.J. and the kids and little Freddie...

Susan Alexander:
[Susan sees Rockford remove a gun from his cookie jar] I thought you didn't like to shoot people!

Jim Rockford:
I don't shoot it; I just point it!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Tompkins:
[Beeep] Tompkins at Guaranteed Insurance. About your burglary claim? Major loss alright. Funny you remembered to file... you didn't remember to pay your premium.

Alvin Thomas:
Are you a connoisseur of art?

Jim Rockford:
I had a painted turtle when I was a kid.

Jim Rockford:
Al, Al, be a good soldier: don't die, just fade away.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Anonymous Caller:
Hello? You the guy who lost a wallet in the Park Theater? Well I'm kinda, like, into leather, so I'll be returning the money, but I'm going to keep the wallet.

Rita Capkovic:
What about that salesman, what ever he is?

Jim Rockford:
No, no, no, I think you're right about him. I think he is a salesman, and he's sweating. Which means he knows what's going on. Now if we could just find him...

Rita Capkovic:
How? We don't even know what he does.

Jim Rockford:
He's carrying a hip joint around in his brief case. There's got to be distributors, manufacturer, reps for prosthetic devices. How many of those can there be in L.A.?

Rita Capkovic:
Want me to tell you?

Jim Rockford:
How could you spend three hundred thousand dollars?

Rita Capkovic:
Boy, you never give up! You know that? You think I know where the money went? I know where the money went.

Jim Rockford:
Where?

Rita Capkovic:
All right! [she starts counting off her fingers] The new apartment. The furniture. The microwave. I told you about my friend Monica's teeth? I mean somebody had to do something about her teeth!

Jim Rockford:
Whatcha do? Have them gold-plated and set with her birth stone?

Jim Rockford:
Speaking of money, Rita you never really did explain what happened to the money Maggie left you.

Rita Capkovic:
Oh yeah, well I'm not going to say that I should've known better, right? You're not going to give me the static? And I'm not going to hear about it from you for the rest of my life... it was this guy...

Jim Rockford:
Rita...

Rita Capkovic:
Yeah, but Jim I had such a good time spending it!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
This is Marilyn Reed. I want to talk to... is this a machine? I don't talk to machines!

Jennifer Ryburn:
[Jennifer holds her gun pointed at Rockford] Look, I was afraid. You kept insisting I go to L.A. and I can't do that!

Jim Rockford:
You mean it doesn't get easier the second time around?

Jennifer Ryburn:
What are you talking about?

Jim Rockford:
Birrell didn't kill Ricky, you did.

Jennifer Ryburn:
That's not true!

Jim Rockford:
Ballistics will run a check on that thing. We'll see if it's the murder weapon.

Jennifer Ryburn:
It was an accident... I didn't mean to murder him. I was trying to frighten him. He was seeing someone else. He was going to leave me. He *used* people.

Jim Rockford:
Oh, and you wouldn't know anything about using people, would you. There's a doctor who's going to lose his license. Mitch is dead! When I told you that all you wanted to know was did he talk first. You wanted to know if you were in trouble. Lady, you put a high price on yourself. [He walks over to her and takes her gun away]

Jennifer Ryburn:
[Pleadingly] But... But... Mitch wanted you to help *me*. He wanted you to help me - can't you do that for him?

Jim Rockford:
Well sure, Jennifer, I'll help. You have your lawyer call me as a character witness.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
This is Mrs. Lindus. Three times this month I came to clean and it always looks like people been fighting in there. Furniture broken, things tipped over. I'm sorry, but I quit!

Jim Rockford:
There's no such thing as a nice place in San Pedro.

Jim Rockford:
Gandy is carrying around a 12 dollar grudge in a 3 dollar hat and he's not going to be gentle about collecting it.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Sales Rep.:
[Beeep] This is Globe Publications. Our records show you have not returned your free volume of the Encyclopedia of Weather, so we'll be sending you the remaining 29 volumes - you'll be billed accordingly.

Jim Rockford:
[after a rough tustle with a pair of goons, Jim and his friend Gandy have won the upper hand, Gandy holding a shotgun in their faces] All right, I'll call the cops.

Gandolph Fitch:
No! No cops!

Jim Rockford:
Hey Gandy! Come on!

Gandolph Fitch:
No cops! If they blow it I'm still on the hook for murder! Theda'll probably get killed in the process! Stay behind if you want, but this wimp's taking me to Theda!

Jim Rockford:
Gandy there's no telling how many guys Shapiro bailed out with that second chance program! The night shift's probably loaded with apes just like these two!

Gandolph Fitch:
We've got nothing to worry about.

Jim Rockford:
Not we, Gandy, you!

Gandolph Fitch:
I'm paying you to do a job, so stop wimping and punch in!

Jim Rockford:
You can't pay me enough to handle this gig! It's a police matter now! Let them deal with it!

Gandolph Fitch:
How about 25 percent of my 10 percent of Theda's recording deal? Contract's gonna be signed tomorrow.

Jim Rockford:
Look, come on Gandy...

Gandolph Fitch:
I really nead your help Rockford!

Jim Rockford:
[look of disbelief] Rockford?

Gandolph Fitch:
Y-y-yeah, Rockford. [ and that's enough to get Jim to help him]

Dennis Becker:
It's against the law to show a civilian someone's rap sheet.

Jim Rockford:
Well then don't show it to me, Dennis. Just tell me what's in it.

Jim Rockford:
[At a restaurant to celebrate a record deal, Rockford discovers that Angel has conned Gandolf by pretending to be a British record producer] Well, Gandy, how about that, you've just been conned by the worst in the business.

Gandolph Fitch:
You mean you know Shep? [he points toward Angel]

Jim Rockford:
Oh yea, for 15 years. The first time I met him he tried to con me into a food wholesaling scheme.

Angel:
[In a British accent trying to play it cool] Would have made a fortune.

Jim Rockford:
Oh yea, trapping pigeons in the park and selling them to Chinese restaurants. He was looking to me for $25.00 for popcorn and wire.

Angel:
[Losing his British accent] He's trying to set you up. I'm just following orders. He told me to do this to you, it's not me.

Gandolph Fitch:
Hey Rockfish, you and this wimp trying to run a game on me or something?

Jim Rockford:
It's my two grand, Gandy. [Angel climbs over the back of the booth and runs off] Hey, what happened to "Rockford"? [Gandy chases after Angel]

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Rockford, this is Mr. Dow. If you think I'm going to pay to have your car repainted, you're nuts! You can take your expense bill and *stuff* it!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Receptionist:
[Beeep] Doctor Salter's office. This is the third time you've cancelled. Now you have to have that root canal. A sore foot has nothing to do with your mouth!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Bill Skelly:
[Beeep] Bill Skelly with EyeCo. Like to interest you in some new private detection equipment, including the 440-A Telephonic Bug. We'll demonstrate it in a friend's home for one full week - at no charge.

Christine Van Deerlin:
I would like to be left alone. Do you think you could communicate that to your superior?

Jim Rockford:
I have no superiors. A few peers but no superiors.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Army Official:
[Beeep] This is Department of the Army. Our records show you are the Rockford, James who failed to turn in his service automatic in May 1953. Contact us at once!

Vern St. Cloud:
Why you're on a real crusade, aren't you. You're a regular Sir Guinevere!

Jim Rockford:
Okay Vern, what's your problem? Rabies?

Vern St. Cloud:
I mean I checked the phone books, I checked all of the model agencies...

Jim Rockford:
That's a waste of time, she's not a model. All right, she's blue eyed, very thin, but both of you said she was 5'-4". You've got to be at least 5'-7" to be a model; designer's clothes hang better on taller women.

Vern St. Cloud:
Who are you? Eve St. Lawrence?

Billy Merrihew:
It just doesn't make sense.

Vern St. Cloud:
Yes it makes sense. It was a set-up, you gonzo! The old frame-ola!

Dennis Becker:
There's always a big attrition rate in your business. You people are flaky, undependable...

Jim Rockford:
Hey... flaky?

Dennis Becker:
Yes. And you have your moments - admit it.

Vern St. Cloud:
You must be outta your gourd. Twenty-three years in the crummy business and I never heard anything so nuts.

Vern St. Cloud:
In a coupla weeks we are gonna be competing with each other all over again - dog eat dog.

Billy Merrihew:
Ah, so what, man? Let's bury the hatchet.

Vern St. Cloud:
"Bury the hatchet" - that's a catchy phrase - very original.

Jim Rockford:
Hey, c'mon, Vern - we went through a lot together - let's be friends.

Vern St. Cloud:
Well, see you guys around... hey... fellas... don't take any wooden nickels.

Jim Rockford:
[outgoing phone message] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

caller:
[incoming message] It's Laurie at the trailer park. A space opened up. Do you want me to save it, or are the cops gonna let you stay where you are?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Hi, Jim, we couldn't reach you so we went ahead with the job and I know you're really gonna dig it! But if you don't I suppose we could always tear it out.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and address, I'll get back to you.

Aunt Bea:
[with a real Oklahoma twang] Jimmy Scott? This is Aunt Bea from Tulsa. Cousin Randy just graduated high school and wants to be a movie producer. Now you live out in Hollywood, you just do something!

Little Beaver:
[Rocky is on the CB radio at the new diner he and his friend Vince Whitehead have just opened] Breaker, breaker, this is Little Beaver. Come on!

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
That's a big ten-four Little Beaver. What's your twenty coming to Rocky's Summit? Say, have you put on the feedbag yet? We're slinging hash and pumping gas, come back!

Little Beaver:
That's negatory, good buddy! I had me some steak on the grill five miles north. So I've got the pedal to the metal trying to pick up time. Maybe next trip! This is Little Beaver with a big ten-four!

Jim Rockford:
I thought you said this was the only diner for ten miles north or south.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
It is.

Jim Rockford:
Well he said he'd already eaten! He had a steak on the grill five miles back!

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
That guy meant he ran into a cow. He don't have no time to stop. He's got the hammer down and he's making up time.

Eddie LaSalle:
[Jim has entered the room of a seedy hotel and is searching it when the occupant suddenly returns - carrying a gun] Hang it up! Get on your feet Rockford!

[he searches Jim]

Jim Rockford:
Hey, what do you want with me and my father?

Eddie LaSalle:
Sit down! One day you pukes are going to realize some of us on the other side don't care about your juice and your connections in Washington!

Jim Rockford:
What are you talking about?

Eddie LaSalle:
I'm talking about Ted DeAngelo, who after a life of disappointment puts on his three-piece suit and with his badge in his hand, jumps out a ten-storey window in 'Frisco cause he just can't stand it no more. I'm talking about guys like Nessie, who paid for the funeral and died broke.

Jim Rockford:
Nessie?

Eddie LaSalle:
Elliot and me put maybe fifty, maybe more, of you smartheads in our fruit jar, but you just kept coming back.

Jim Rockford:
Elliot Ness? Are we talking about the Elliot Ness. 'Cause if it's any consolation to you mister, Elliot Ness was one of my childhood idols!

Eddie LaSalle:
So you pay him back by hooking up with Coppobianco, huh?

Jim Rockford:
Coppo-who?

Eddie LaSalle:
Coppo-who! Coppo-who! That's priceless! Come on! We're going downtown!

Jim Rockford:
I'm not going anywhere with you, mister.

Eddie LaSalle:
You know what Eddie said when we dropped the net on him and Coppo and them others?

Jim Rockford:
Don't shoot?

Eddie LaSalle:
He said me and Coppo's going to sink this case in court. And he did too. That was back when we was busting distills and running them through barns with a special truck Nessie paid for out of his own pocket, with a plow on the front!

Jim Rockford:
Hey I hate to appear short-tempered, mister, but what the hell does this have to do with anything? You sit up here, you're eating dog food, you're planting bugs on innocent citizens, and all because some guy call Ted DeAngelo jumped out a window ten years ago? Am I missing something? That doesn't make sense!

Eddie LaSalle:
I'm the guy who has the list and who, just 'cause he got pensioned off, isn't going for no state handouts. I'm going to get Coppobianco...

Jim Rockford:
Who?

Eddie LaSalle:
Your father's partner, Vincenti Coppobianco. Coppobianco means Whitehead. That explain it your you, mister?

Jim Rockford:
Sure explains the garlic!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Betty:
[Beeep] It's Betty from up the street. I've phoned all the neighbours 'cause Spotty is loose. If you see him, call me. Oh, don't wear musk cologne; leopards have a thing about that.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
Well anyone who keeps dirty laundry in their desk I think is pretty...

Jim Rockford:
I knew right where to find it didn't I?

Police Officer:
[two cop cars pull up beside Rockford's trailer and two officers climb out, one pulling out his gun] Hold it! Stay right where you are!

Jim Rockford:
What is it with today?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Miss Holroyd:
Miss Holroyd, City Federal. Your lost check still hasn't arrived. It's impossible for us to lose checks, so unless we receive full payment by noon today we'll foreclose.

Jim Rockford:
This is the federal government, huh? Now I know why my old man got a hundred and eleven Medicare cards sent to him. Not one of them had his name on it!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Anonymous Woman:
[Beeep] Hi. Um. I'm confused. Is this Dial a Prayer...? Well should I call back when the reverend's in the office or what?

Jim Rockford:
Well the name I came up with is Rafael Sabatini.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Well let me finish my story, huh? Sabatini. That's the name I got from four or five guys. Sabatini.

Jim Rockford:
Angel, Rafael Sabatini has been dead for a coupla hundred years...

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[Jim and Angel go catch Marty Golden's act at Kasajian's sleazy comedy joint, and Angel here's they're going to open the mike, with the winner getting $200. Angel hustle's Jim out, and jumps on stage, and starts his 'comedy routine] Hey, hey, hey, hey, how do you like it so far? I'm so glad to see all of you here tonight. I love playing a prison; it's a captive audience. You notice how polite it is in a prison. All day long when you go by the wardens office, there is prisoners coming out, and they're going; 'pardon me, pardon me, pardon me.' [to the drummer] Hey, could I have a little help over there? [Drummer gives a single 'timpani'] I knew a guy on the "D" block, pathetic case Guy, all of his life, he wanted to be a tree surgeon, but he kept fainting at the sight of sap. [Explaining the punch line to the audience] Sap. Sap. [Sleazy chuckle] H-e-h-ey! Then, I knew this prisoner whose lawyer came to see him in the prison. The lawyer said, "everything is terrific. We got everything under control. I got a big pitch going with the parole board, and I have some very close connections with the governor. But, in the meantime, try and escape.' [Angel chuckles, and tries to look for anyone laughing in the audience] Escape? Escape.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
This is The Baron. Angel Martin tells me you buy information. Okay - meet me at 1:00 AM behind the bus depot, bring $500, and come alone. I'm serious!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Audra:
It's Audra. Remember last summer at Pat's? I've got a twelve-hour layover before I go to Chicago. How about it?

Nancy Frazer:
[to Rockford upon his return from Europe] You had yourself a nice vacation, didn't you? You ought to write a book: "How To See Europe on $200 a Day Plus Expenses."

Marilyn Polonski:
Is there anything you won't do for money?

Jim Rockford:
Well, there's two things. I won't kill for it and I won't marry for it. Other than that I'm open to about anything.

Jim Rockford:
[Rockford's driving, when he stops for a hitchhiker. He lets her in, and she tells Jim how she just ran out of a job] if I'm not being too personal what kind of work do you do?

Marilyn Polonski:
I am a model. I just had a rough time with an 'occupational hazard.' By the way, thanks for the ride. My name's Marilyn Polanski.

Jim Rockford:
Jim Rockford.

Marilyn Polonski:
Of the artists I pose for our interested in their worth. This one today was a real grope-freak! [chuckles] I grabbed my clothes, I ran so fast, I didn't get me $23. [Jim looks at her puzzled] It's my modeling fee; $20 an hour with the clothes on, $23 for the 'real me'.

Jim Rockford:
Is there enough business around to keep the 'real you' busy?

Marilyn Polonski:
Almeria's 'bulging' with artists.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Police Det. Dennis Becker:
[Beeep] Okay Jimbo, Dennis. I know you're in there and I know you know it's ticket season again; Policemen's Ball and all that. So come to the door when I knock this time. I know you're in there!

Jim Rockford:
We're all scared to death. I guess that's a penalty we pay for living in a world where all the price tags end in 99 cents and they sell mortuary plots on billboards next to the freeway. What you do is... you just keep laughing. Just... keep laughing.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Hey, Rockford, very funny. I ain't laughin'. You're gonna get yours.

[Beth Davenport hides Jim's car keys in her blouse]

Jim Rockford:
If you think that's going to stop me, you've got a short memory.

Beth Davenport:
Don't you even care if she [her client] is innocent?

Jim Rockford:
Beth, I spent five-years in prison. While I was there I never met anybody who wasn't "innocent."

Jim Rockford:
[outgoing phone message] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

caller:
[incoming message] Hey, Jim, this is Louie down at the fish market. You gonna pick up these halibut or what?

Bob Coleman:
[Rockford is confronting Mr. Coleman about his intimate relationship with the late Margo Adams] You say one world about that to Adrienne, and they'll be scraping you up in six counties!

Jim Rockford:
Six? Why not one neat little package like Margo?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Hi, Jim, thanks for the dinner invitation. I'd love to, but does it have to be the taco stand?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Receptionist:
[beeep] Mr. Rockford, Arthur's Hi-Fi. Your stereo's ready, but since your warranty expired in the two months it was in our shop, you'll have to pay the sixty dollars on the repair.

Jim Rockford:
[to thug who had just denied a woman Rockford was looking for was in his car] Either she was in this car, or you both wear the same perfume, Mary.

Jim Rockford:
[Rockford bends down and looks into open car window of rival P.I. Kirmit Higby] Hi Kirm, it's good to see you crawling out from under your rock from time to time.

Kermit Higby:
I thought I gave you a good lesson last time, Rockford. What's wrong? Don't you remember how I spread your nose out for you?

Jim Rockford:
Oh I remember; lucky punch. I'm not worried. Generally you can hit the ground with your feet.

Kermit Higby:
Well maybe you need to be taught another lesson.

Jim Rockford:
Looks that way, let me help you. [Rockford pulls back on the car door as Higby opens it, then slams it against Higby's wrist when he tries to get out, putting him in instant agony] Clumsy, clumsy Kirm. Ah well, it looks like you've got a couple of choices: either you can tell me what you're doing following me and why you knocked me out in Susan's room, or you can sit here with your hand in the door while I sharpen my right cross. Which is it?

Kermit Higby:
[In pained voice] I didn't knock you out...

Jim Rockford:
Okay Kirm, I'm going to let your dentist rebuild your whole mouth.

Kermit Higby:
Suit yourself...

Jim Rockford:
[Raising his fist Rockford is ready to punch Higby but falters as he looks at Kirm's pained expression, giving in to his softer side] Ah damn! [He pulls back, slapping the car door]

Kermit Higby:
[as Rockford reaches in and takes the car keys] If it had been me I'd have beaten you to death.

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, I know... [ then slams the car door against Higby's wrist once more for good measure before walking away]

Jim Rockford:
[a few scenes later Higby's car runs into Rockford's rental on a Nevada highway. Rockford jumps angrily out of his car and runs around to Higby's window, reaching in and grabbing him by the tie] Higby, I couldn't hit you before, but you just changed all that! [He pulls back his fist but falters again, making Higby grin] Ah what the hell! [He slugs Higby in the face, knocking him out. He then walks back to his car, looking in at his two female co-occupants] I think there's a reason I didn't do that before: I think I broke my hand!

Jim Rockford:
[outgoing phone message] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

caller:
[incoming message] I staked out that guy, only didn't work out like you said. Please call me. Room 234, County Hospital.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Lou:
[Beeep] Jimmy, Lou. You owe me five bucks. Matarazzo's average in the '68 Series was .310, not .315. Oh, and, ha-ha, Fran and I are getting divorced.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
A-a-ah now we're getting the nitty-gritty! Now it's beginning to make sense! Come over to Rocky's for dinner, Angel! Serving my favourite food! First time I've been invited over here for so much as a glass of water!

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
[to Mary Jo] Think I could use a little help in the kitchen with coffee and dessert...

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Forget about the dessert! You don't buy Angel with a coupla drumsticks and red-eye gravy!

Jim Rockford:
Angel! Now, she's in trouble; so am I! And you got me into it!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
I may have had a minor role in getting you into that therapy group, but I didn't tell you to get all messed up with that national-international intelligence agency, and I'm not going to!

Jim Rockford:
All you have to do is stand around and keep an attendent busy! It's a snap! We will need your car. When it's over you just drive off!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
I've spent half my adult life getting that Caddy with them naugahyde seats. Not a chance!

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, and who loaned you the two hundred bucks to buy that car? You remember? I'll tell you who did! The same guy who's going to take the pink slip if you don't come through for him!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[Talking to Rockford] Listen Jimmy, do you think you could slip it in before they kill you that you stole Angel Martin's car, that Angel Martin don't know nothing from nothing, that Angel Martin is a good guy?

[last lines]

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
I'm just glad the Agency didn't find out about my gun running days because of all this. I could have been in big trouble. I can't say anything more. [Rockford looks on, bewildered]

Dr. Alan J. Adler:
Don't give into your fears of other people and stop concocting these phony stories that evade the real issues of your life.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
I don't have to make up phony stories. Didn't you hear what I said? I said I was glad the Agency closed the books on us. Otherwise they might have found out about the time I was running guns down to the rebels in Guatemala, me and another guy, dead now. [while Angel talks agents of the NIA are outside in a van, listening and recording him while he talks] That's right. We used to buy these Italian carbines from this contact in Mexico and then we'd sneak them across the border in ambulances and sell them to the guerrillas in Guatemala. Got twice for what we paid for them. That's right. The guns were rickety old things that would blow up in your face if you shot them or just sneezed... [End theme music begins]

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Female Friend:
Jim, directions to the party: left on Saugus, you'll see a rock, left, left again, right, another left, there's kinda a hill, keep going, you'll probably see a bunch of cars.

Jim Rockford:
What's Chapman doing working the door?

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Chapman and a couple of other off-duty cops are here acting as security cuz there's a lot of important people. We've got four police commissioners, we've got a deputy mayor, we've got two deputy police chiefs. Thing is bigger than Cher's birthday.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
What I am tryin' to demonstrate to you is what true influence is worth. I'm not talkin' small time, I'm talkin' the big bag job in the sky! [Jim rolls his eyes] Anytime Chapman starts to bother you or any of your friends, you call Angel Martin. I'll have him crated and shipped to the apple orchard indefinitely, for which I'll pick up a little money or favor from... [he nods at Jim]

Jim Rockford:
Well that could be dangerous, Angel. That's what's called influence peddling!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Peddling? I ain't a peddler. A peddler is a guy who stands on a corner and eats exhaust fumes!

Police commisoner Aaron Kiel:
[the police commissioner drags his brother-in-law into a private room, both men missing their pants] I want the addresses of the three people who held up this party, and I want them now!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
What! You think I set this up?

Police commisoner Aaron Kiel:
Look, you just put down their names, I'll do my best to help you with the police! Write down their names! [he slaps a pad and pen down in front of Angel] Now write down their names! I wanna a name and I want it now!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
You wanna name?

Police commisoner Aaron Kiel:
I wanna name!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
All righty, I'm gonna give you a name. [he picks up the pen] C! That's for the community property that you'll be spliting. Y! That's for the youngish looks she has. N! That's for the nights you spent in Newport. T! That's for the telling of the wife. H...!

Police commisoner Aaron Kiel:
[looking uneasy] Look, knock it off.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
...That's for the home you're gonna lose in Bel Air. I is for the interest for my silence, and A is for the alimony you gonna be stuck with. You wanna name, Aaron? There's a name for you. Cynthia. Anyway you spell it it means trouble!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Aaron, when it's in the immediate family it's not called blackmail, it's called family spirit!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Frank:
[Beep and loud background noise comes on] Hey Jim, it's Frank. Me and Ellie's down here for our convention. Can't wait to see you! [Burps] Should be over at your place about one a.m. Banzai, Buddy!

Jim Rockford:
[Rockford is asking Angel if he had any trouble at the resort] Nobody tried to interfere?

Angel:
No, no, they didn't even believe that it was happening. You know what occurred to me? I mean when you get a crowd like that? It doesn't seem right not to work 'em.

Jim Rockford:
[Disapprovingly] Angel...

Angel:
No, no, now you were right about the oil rig, that's the thing. But the thing that really gets them excited though is the jackhammer, and the compressor, and the noise, and that racket, boy, it's the roar of the crowd and I got to thinking how you said I should have earplugs. I went down to the drug store and talked to the druggist and made the deal - 28 cents a pair - go back and sell them for a dollar seventy five - a dollar fifty! - easy.

Jim Rockford:
[Aggravated] Forget it!

Angel:
Jimmy, don't spit on it, man. If we don't do it some one else will. Think about it. [He pulls Rocky over to his side] Rocky could be the salesman, huh? He's got that good, honest face everybody likes. We get him a tray hanging around his neck...

Jim Rockford:
Angel, if you try working a scam on the side, you go straight back to L.A.

Angel:
A person's got a right to his own suggestions, don't he?

Jim Rockford:
No!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Rockford, this is Tony. Now your car's ready. I couldn't reach you so I went ahead and put in the new pistons. The tab is $527.54, and this time we're talking cash!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
This is Shirley from the bank. The answers are no, no and yes. No, we won't loan you money, no, we won't accept any co-signers, and yes, your account's overdrawn. I get off at 4:30.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Male caller:
Hi. Just want to put your mind at rest. Found your address book in the theatre last week. It's in the mail. By the way, Carol's okay, but Linda...!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[Rockford's Firebird pulls up in front of a dilapidated bungalow somewhere outside of L.A. He and Angel climb out, Angel talking with enthusiasm] Huh? What do you say? Is this what you asked for? Huh? [He laughs excitedly]

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, perfect... I couldn't have done better myself. How much?

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Look at that. You said no neighbors, right? Well, right over here is an empty lot and right on this side is an empty house, huh?

Jim Rockford:
All right, Angel, how much?

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Listen, I got all the papers here, and all signed legal... binding...

Jim Rockford:
[sounding testy] Angel...

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
Well, you know, Willie wasn't in love with the idea of renting it in the first place. Well, I mean a man's home is, uh... you know. But it's cause, you were friends at Quentin... he said to say hi.

Jim Rockford:
[Impatiently] Hi... how much?

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[Uneasily] Ah... A hundred a day...

Jim Rockford:
Angel! A hundred dollars a day for that chicken shed!

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[Defensively] You said it was perfect! The key is under the mat!

Jim Rockford:
[sighing he reaches inside his jacket for his wallet] All right, Angel... If I had the time I'd go rent one on my own, but I don't have the time. If I did I would, but you got yourself a deal, huh. [He hands a couple of fifties to his friend] Now I'm going to remember it... And when this whole thing is over I'm going to have a little talk with Willie. See how much of that hundred sticks to your greedy little fingers, and then he's going to remember it. [He climbs into his car]

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[Nervously] Jimmy, you don't have to talk to Willie... [Rockford starts the car] Jimmy! [Rockford puts his foot to the accelerator] Jimmy! Hey Jimmy! I don't have a car! [He watches as Rockford drives off leaving him abandoned on the curb miles from L.A]

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Anonymous Caller:
[Beeep] Jim, I finally finished twelve long years of psycho-therapy and I'm now able to tell you just what I think of you... would you please call me...

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
Hi sonny, it's Rocky. I got the bill and I've been trying to figure out what everybody owes on LJ's birthday party. Tell me, did you have the Pink Lady?

Young Man:
[Rockford pulls up to the speaker at a Jack in the Box drive-thru] Your order please.

Jim Rockford:
Call the police.

Young Man:
Your order please!

Jim Rockford:
That's it. You got it. There's a guy following me in a white 1974 Datsun, California plates. Tell the police I'll be headed south on Perdugo and for them to intercept.

Young Man:
Are you nuts, mister? Is this a joke?

Jim Rockford:
Just tell them he took a shot at me... and while you're at it could you throw in a taco and a bag of fries?

Angel Martin:
Your beef is with Jimmy, I had nothing to do with this...

Thompkins:
Shut up.

Angel Martin:
I'm just an innocent bystander!

Thompkins:
They're usually the ones who get shot!

Thompkins:
[searching the car Rockford used] Not even a lousy gum wrapper... Check the glove compartment.

Sy Mosher:
Mostly bills.

Thompkins:
Made out to Keil?

Sy Mosher:
Yeah. Some to a newspaper, the rest to a home address. [Reads the address aloud, then starts reading the ZIP code]

Thompkins:
I don't need he ZIP code. He's not going on my Christmas card list!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Hello Jim Rockford's machine, this is Larry Doheny's machine. Will you please have your master call my master at his convenience. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
[the Sheriff hands over their personal items. Rocky realizes Harry had stolen his ring] My lodge ring. I want to file a complaint!

Fast Harry DeNova:
Now Rocky, don't do nothing rash. You're going to feel pretty bad when I tell you that ring belonged to my own sainted father. It was the one thing he left me when he passed on.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
I supposed his initials were "J.R.", huh?

Fast Harry DeNova:
That's right, I told you you'd feel...

Jim Rockford:
[Rockford hurriedly pushes them toward the door] Come on, now...

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
[Resisting] Give me that ring, I want to file a complaint. Sheriff, I want to file a complaint!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
It's Jack. The check is in the mail. Sorry it's two years late. Sorry I misfigured my checking account and I'm overdrawn. Sorry I stopped payment on it, so when it comes tear it up. Sorry.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Ofc. Billings:
[beep] Billings, L.A.P.D. You know, Thursday is Chapman's twentieth year, and we're giving a little surprise party at the captain's. I think you should come. By the way, we need five bucks for the present.

Jim Rockford:
[on the telephone] Guess where I am now.

Det. Dennis Becker:
At the bar?

Jim Rockford:
Close - they got a lot of bars in here. You wanna try again?

Det. Dennis Becker:
In jail?

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, that's right!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Operator:
Good morning! This is the telephone company. Due to repairs we're giving you advanced notice that your service will be cut off indefinitely at ten o'clock. That's two minute from now...

Richie Brockelman:
You know, I've been thinking, Mr. Rockford, that if you want my opinion, we may be barking up the wrong tree.

Jim Rockford:
[nursing his shot gun wound] We're sure getting some strong feedback from the wrong tree.

Jim Rockford:
Boy, I hate going to these things!

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
Well, the older you get the more of 'em you're gonna go to. You know, it seemed to me that here a while back I was going to the funeral of a good friend once a week. Then a couple of years ago it sort of started to steady out. You know the way I've got it figured, sonny?

Jim Rockford:
Rocky, have you seen my wallet?

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
Now take automobiles. Supposing Detroit was to build a hundred thousand red Fords. Well, at the end of five years you're gonna lose half of them red Fords: it'll be in the wrecking yard. Then, five years later, another thirty percent of 'em are gonna be gone because of accidents or bad driving. Well that means, that after that time is all over, that you're gonna have a coupla of hundred red Fords that, because they was put together good and driven carefully, are gonna be around forever.

Jim Rockford:
I'm looking for my wallet, Rocky. Is it on the desk?

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
You know it wouldn't hurt you none to put your own Ford in neutral, the way you're always chasing around and working on one dangerous case or another! You know you ain't even had time to go fishing or hunting with me? So the way I see it, that is no way for you to rack up a hundred thousand miles on your dash.

Jim Rockford:
Would you like to get your Ford out of my chair, I'm trying to find my wallet! [Rocky gets up from the desk and Jim finds it in the desk drawer] There it is, right in the glove compartment!

Richie Brockelman:
Look, this guy actually lives in a trailer.

Jim Rockford:
Well what does that mean?

Richie Brockelman:
Well, it just seems to me that living in a trailer is at the bottom.

Jim Rockford:
I live in a trailer!

Richie Brockelman:
[he quickly backpedals] Well, you know, not exactly the bottom, more like the middle. And of course, depending on what kind of trailer, it could be the upper middle. For instance I saw one in a magazine a couple of months ago. It could expand out into a two thousand foot home. Now a guy living in a place like that has the world by the...

Jim Rockford:
Save yourself, son, it's not important...

Jim Rockford:
[From the beginning of Part II] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
Sonny, this is dad. Never mind giving that talk on your occupation to the Gray Power Club. Hap Dudley's son is a doctor and everybody sort of, well, would rather hear from him. But thanks!

Richie Brockelman:
[Jim and Richie are sitting in Richie's car - Richie bemoaning how now that Tooley's either dead or missing, he has no one older to discuss cases with, bounce ideas off of, and, perhaps get advice] I just think sometimes it's good to sit down and talk things out, like you and I have been doing.

Jim Rockford:
[Jim shifts uncomfortably in his seat] Yeah, well, I, uh... run some of this stuff by Rocky. He has his own ideas on most of it.

Richie Brockelman:
Yeah? Like what?

Jim Rockford:
Oh, you know [Sniling at Richie, hoping that'll suffice as an answer] .

Richie Brockelman:
No, no, I'd really like to hear. I mean, what kind of advice does he give you?

Jim Rockford:
Oh... 'life is like a red Ford,' that's one. And, it's better off keeping that Ford in neutral, than revving your engine all the time.'

Richie Brockelman:
What's that got to do with being a private eye?

Jim Rockford:
Nothing. Nothing. Doesn't have anything at all to do with it. Just something he says.

Jim Rockford:
[Rockford is at a restaurant with a Lloyds of London representative discussing his reward for having helped recover stolen diamonds - a case that lead to the breaking of three priceless works of art] Mr. Cryder, I don't want to seem anxious, but I was wondering about my five percent recovery fee?

Cryder:
Ohhh yes. I called my people at Lloyds, they agreed.

Jim Rockford:
[smiling] Five percent, a million dollars worth of jewellery, that's fifty thousand dollars isn't it?

Cryder:
Yes... Unfortunately each of the cormorants was insured for fifteen thousand making a total of forty-five thousand.

Jim Rockford:
Well, what has one got to do with the other?

Cryder:
Well they feel that since you were hired to protect them, and since all three were destroyed, that you should... bear the loss...

Jim Rockford:
That's preposterous!

Cryder:
Unfortunately that is how they... feel. So, ah, forty-five thousand from fifty thousand leaves five thousand...

Jim Rockford:
[looking rather peeved] Well I didn't break the damn things!

Cryder:
...I've been doing some perliminary figuring... Now from the five thousand there's of course, ah, English inheritance and English income taxes [he starts subtracting on a pad of paper]... ah yes, we will have to inform your IRS [he chuckles] and there's the rate of exchange to consider and, oh yes, then there's...

Jim Rockford:
One minute, just one minute.

Cryder:
Yes?

Jim Rockford:
Do you think there's going to be enough for me to pick up this tab?

Cryder:
I really don't know, Mr. Rockford, that depends... Do you intend to keep on drinking?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Sally:
Jim, Sally. Hey, I just found out you're an Aries. Listen, if you have Virgo rising, give me a call...

Jim Rockford:
[looks at the hostile young punks around him] You wanta have a go, huh, so that all of you can jump me? Is that whatcha want? Nah, I gotta better idea. We will dance... one at a time.

Eugene Conigliaro:
You threatenin' is?

Jim Rockford:
Am I ever...

Eugene Conigliaro:
You don't frighten me.

Jim Rockford:
Oh yes I do... you keep listening to that little voice way down inside you, Eugene. The one that keeps screaming 'bounce back to Jersey'.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[hurried voice] Jimmy? Angel. Here's a tip but his hand writing's bad. Third Son in the fifth race at Belle Meadows. Wait a minute, could be Fifth Son in the third. Wait... this... might... be... next weeks race.

Jim Rockford:
What ever it was that got you disbarred, were you right?

John Cooper:
Maybe you noticed the question of right and wrong is not within the preview of the law. Only the question of legal and illegal.

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, that seems strange.

John Cooper:
Don't it!

Eugene Conigliaro:
[Brooklyn accent] Hey, you wanna do the number? Cuz I'm ready! C'mon! C'mon!

Jim Rockford:
[sneers] How about that. Harry Misanthrope.

Eugene Conigliaro:
[ignorant of Shakespeare] Are you by any chance referrin' to anybody who's present here in the festivity?

Jim Rockford:
[Jim is being worked over by thugs] Does your mother know what you do for a living?

Police Det. Dennis Becker:
I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Jim: I'm going to fill this out, give it to patrol, but don't count on much.

Jim Rockford:
Now what is that suppose to mean? I got kidnapped by two guys, and they beat the cool out of me, I'm making a legitimate complaint. What do you mean, "don't count on too much," I'm counting on you and this girl scout troop in here, to solve it.

Police Det. Dennis Becker:
Shut up, would you? What do I have to do, spell it out for you? You know, you're not exactly Princess Margaret in this department. Every time you come in here with a bloody nose, morale goes up ten points, and if I wasn't a buddy of yours I wouldn't even type this up. OK?

Jim Rockford:
[outgoing phone message] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

caller:
[incoming message] Jim, it's Norma at the market. It bounced. Do you want us to tear it up, send it back, or put it with the others?

Jim Rockford:
[outgoing phone message] This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

caller:
[incoming message] Hey, Jim, this is Norma down at the market. The check bounced. You want us to tear it up, send it back, or put it with the others?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Asian Man:
[beeep] Mr. Rockford, you know what to do if you attacked and killed? Ask for Albert Kimsi at grand opening of Happy Dawn School of Secret Arts. Win three lessons!

Jim Rockford:
[at Rocky's house sifting through shoe boxes full of Jim's payed bills] Look Angel, I've got problems of my own. I've got a tax mess here that's so bad I'm gonna have to spend three days up at Adriana's place at Arrow Head just trying to sort it out... how are you doing for April and May, Dad?

Adrianna Danielli:
Jim I hope you don't mind my saying, but I think this is symptomatic of the whole problem! Why are these receipts stored here in the first place?

Jim Rockford:
Well do you wanna try living in a house trailer and running a business out of it too?

Adrianna Danielli:
Which you can't claim, by the way.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
Alice Faye... I'm thinking of all them pictures and records I collected back inthe 40s. That's it! Alice Faye! [runs off to find Jim's missing receipts]

Jim Rockford:
Alice Faye...? April and May...?

Angel:
Jimmy! Open up! [Bangs on door]

Jim Rockford:
[Frustrated] Angel, if you're up here about Buster Hutchins and his roadway church...

Angel:
No, no,no. It's bad, Jimmy, it's bad. It's like a nightmare. I've been through living hell. I was at your trailer, y'know, these two guys...

Jim Rockford:
No, I don't know! Why were you in my trailer?

Angel:
I was returning your movie camera, y'know Rocky gave me the key and I was cleaning the lens off when these two guys walk in - Jimmy, one of them looked like a cross between George Hamilton and Dracula. I told him: Buddy, take it out in the street...

Jim Rockford:
You told them where I was, didn't you, Angel!

Angel:
Yea, but I tried to hang tough Jimmy, but they worked me over for a couple of hours, they even shocked me with a 110 volt line!

Jim Rockford:
Yea right! How long did you hold out? Did you make 15 seconds?

Angel:
Jimmy!

Jim Rockford:
Angel, the only reason you came up here is because you know that if I somehow make it out of here alive I would come after you with a sickle!

Angel:
That's the thanks I get for my loyalty? After risking my neck? After driving through the worst terrain in southern California, with a severe head wound, and a gas station attendant that hardly knew where the cabin was?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Anonymous Female Friend:
[Beeep] So you put your machine on at night, huh, just cause I call you at 3 am. You know how bad my insomnia is. Thanks a lot Jim!

Rankin:
Your file. I've never had the occasion to examine one this size before, and I've been with the Bureau of Consumer Affairs for nineteen years! You seem to have some sort of magnetic field that attracts controversy!

Lauren Ingeborg:
How long does it take to read a police report anyway?

Police Det. Dennis Becker:
Quite a while, if you know Lt. Chapman.

Jim Rockford:
Oh yes, sometimes he'll read a report twice if it's complicated. Actually tonight his attention span is pretty good.

Jim Rockford:
[after driving at break-neck speed his brakeless Firebird down a hill, through a picket fence and a hedge before it stops] Well, what do you say let's forget the sushimi and call it a day.

Angel:
[Rockford is trying to get Angel to impersonate someone else] Why me?

Jim Rockford:
Because you like to collect pictures of dead Presidents. Like Ulysses S. Grant.

Angel:
Fifty?

Jim Rockford:
Uh-huh.

Angel:
Listen Jimmy, I've got a poker game set up with the guys in the Linotype room. Like shooting ducks in a barrel.

Jim Rockford:
C'mon Angel, those guys are the kind of guys who throw nickels around like man hole covers. It's gonna take half the night just to get ten bucks out of them. Angel, this is 50 bucks for 15 minutes work.

Angel:
That would be more efficient use of my time, wouldn't it.

Jim Rockford:
Now you're going to have to wear a suit and a tie.

Angel:
[Points to his neck] Oh c'mon man, ties *hurt*!

Jim Rockford:
Okay, five dollars more and that's it. [Angel nods in agreement]

Larry 'King' Sturtevant:
[at police HQ where Rockford is being held on suspicion of murder, thanks to a football player from a minor league whom no one has ever heard of] And then I held him at, ah, gunpoint for ten, fifteen minutes, and then you guys showed up. [he nods his head at Beth, who is staring at him blankly] Hi. [he turns back to Becker grinning] Will you take a look at her! She's so starstruck she's speechless!

Police Det. Dennis Becker:
[ignores that comment] Is that everything? The whole statement?

Larry 'King' Sturtevant:
Yeah, yeah thats it. [he turns back to Beth] Ah, listen honey, try not to stare. I know it's difficult, but why don't you just relax and later the two of us will go get some coffee. I'll let you look at my scrapbook, hah?

Beth Davenport:
That'd be lovely, only I gave up reading the funnies in the third grade.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Woman:
Horas fant?sticos. La ?nica oportunidad en su vida del precio Rosario llantas radiales. Call toll free 555-3120. [Translation: Fantastic hours. The only chance in your life on the price of Rosario radial tires]

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Teddy's Tree House Employee:
[beeep] Teddy's Tree House! You've won our free landscaping service for one full year! We'll mow your lawn, top your trees, mulch, seed, fertilize and feed! Isn't that wonderful!

Jim Rockford:
[sarcastically speaking of Clementi] I remember somebody saying that the corpses would be found near a body of water. This place is practically the Gobi Desert.

Roman Clementi:
Sergeant? Mister Rockford? [He points uphill toward a reservoir]

Jim Rockford:
Are you kidding me? Water tanks don't count!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Mrs. Owens:
[Beeep] This is Mrs. Owens with the Association for a Better Malibu. Thanks for your contributions. We've made great strides, but it would help, dear, if you could move your trailer.

Rita Capkovic:
[at the Becker dinner table] You know the one animal I can't stand? Monkeys. I had one once. I only kept him for a couple of weeks. They make the place so smelly. Now you take cats. All you need is a litter box and that's it. Now that monkey, he made all over my new couch. He made all over my floor. You'd come through my door and find yourself up to your buns in ...

Peggy Becker:
Broccoli?

Dennis Becker:
[Becker's in the break room, trying to console Rita, who's crying, because she feels Dennis and all the other cops only want her for info, and aren't sincere when they say they're her 'friend'] Rita, you're looking at things the wrong way. I'm your friend. [Between sniffles and tears, Rita just shakes her head, 'no'] McRainey's your friend. [More head shaking] Rita, you got nothing but friends here. [the door opens up. It's Lt. Chapman]

Lt. Doug Chapman:
Becker?

Dennis Becker:
What? Uh, yes, sir.

Lt. Doug Chapman:
[In an authoritative, annoyed voice] I want you to get down to the squad room. Get Rockford out of there. Get him out of this station. And whenever he came here to ask you, the answer is 'no'. You got that?

Dennis Becker:
Yes, sir.

Lt. Doug Chapman:
Good. [Chapman turns to leave, and notices Rita's sniffling] What the hell are you crying about, Rita? You didn't have change for a five? [Rita slams the table, Chapman walks out]

Sid Loft:
[Dennis and Peggy are having the Loft's - Sid and Eleanor - over for dinner, trying to 'woo' them to help get a permit to build an apartment over their garage. Jim's there, and Dennis brought Rita over. The tension's palpable; Ms. Loft is upset they're eating 'late' - 8p, and Rita's just finished her 'monkey-poo' story] You know, you're crazy about animals, I'm crazy about professions. I really, really interest me. Take modeling. That is what you do, isn't it, Miss Capkovick? You are a model?

Rita Capkovic:
'Capkovic.'

Sid Loft:
'Capkovic.'

Peggy Becker:
[Nervously trying to change the direction of the conversation] I-I, I could have served earlier, but I didn't know. You know, I mean, 7 o'clock, 6:30...

Eleanor Loft:
[Not even making any eye contact with Peggy, her annoyance is apparent] Many people enjoy a late dinner.

Sid Loft:
You and Dennis here, you friends quite awhile?

Lt. Doug Chapman:
[Rita stops in mid-chew, Dennis putting broccoli on his plate, looks at Rita, then speaks - looking at his plate, and almost mumbling] Yeah, for a little while.

Sid Loft:
[the only one smiling] How'd you to happen to meet?

Jim Rockford:
Dennis, I think you forgot the wine.

Lt. Doug Chapman:
Yeah. [Crumples his napkin on the table] Be right back. Excuse me. Thank you.

Sid Loft:
Couldn't have been at the station. I mean, what would a model be doing at the police station? [Sid laughs, Rita glowers silently at Sid]

Jim Rockford:
I'm telling you, Peggy... [Sid's still laughing as Jim's speaking]... Peggy this is really great. I mean, Yorkshire pudding and everything!

Peggy Becker:
[sighs] Uh, thank you [Peggy nervously smiles at jim] .

Sid Loft:
[Sid continues his one-sided conversation, disregarding every attempt to dissuade him from continuing] Of course, I can remember a time I think it was in the 50's. Big scandal. They rounded up all these girls, took them up right off the street [Jim's glowering at Sid] , and every single one of them was carrying a hatbox [Mrs. Loft looks at her husband - still chewing, then looks at Rita, and raises her eyebrows and c*cks her head] , claiming to be a model. [Rita's staring straight at Sid, her face emotionless] Guess what they were? [Rita looks at Peggy]

Jim Rockford:
[Speaking to Peggy, while gesturing with a fork. His voice - sincere to Peggy, also has a definite note of anger - directed at Sid Loft] Do you have any idea how long it's been since I had Yorkshire pudding? [Jim's just about to put a fork-full in his mouth]

Sid Loft:
Prostitues. [Jim doesn't put the fork in his mouth, and turns away in disgust] Every last one of them, a common street walker. [Sid stops leaning forward, and satisfied with his 'story,' reclines back. Mrs. Loft looks at Sid, the. Looks at Rita] Now, I haven't thought about that in years [Rita's face - still unmoving, but, with a depressing cast slowly coming across it] Funny how it jumped into my mind when you mentioned being a model.

Peggy Becker:
[Still trying to put on her game-face, she speaks with a fake chipper tone, and starts to stand] Well, shall we have coffee in the living room?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Pizzeria Employee:
[Beeep] That number four you just picked up from Angelo's Pizzeria? Some scouring powder fell on there; don't eat it! Hey, I hope you try your phone machine before dinner...

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Grace:
[Beeep] Jim, it's Grace at the bank. I checked your Christmas Club account. You don't have five hundred dollars, you have fifty... Sorry! Computer foul-up!

Jim Rockford:
[Jim walks over to the lifeguard's chair, which is surrounded by a bevy of girls in bikinis] Hey Skip, 'scuse me Skip. You were on duty yesterday. You remember that Road Queen with the big boat on the back that was parked over there. You wouldn't happen know where they went?

Skip Speece:
Ladies?

[the girls drift away]

Skip Speece:
She hit on you too?

Jim Rockford:
Who?

Skip Speece:
Who? Shareen.

Jim Rockford:
You mean the little girl?

Skip Speece:
Was that a humungous little bod? I'm making my morning patrol on the beach in my jeep. She's out there with this headset on, so I stop, warn her about the rip tides

[snickers]

Skip Speece:
You know. Bam! She's coming on to me like...

Jim Rockford:
[inwardly rolling his eyes up to heaven] Oh y-e-eah, those rip tides are terrible! The bottom is just littered with ships!

Skip Speece:
So I take a half hour splitzky, you know, I'm steering her to the dugout at the little league field for coup de grace, all of a sudden she starts having second thoughts. Starts telling me about this head case boyfriend she's got back home there. Punk rocker she says. Well this creep wears safety pins all over his clothes. Well Jim, you know I hate to see a nice girl going in the wrong direction.

Jim Rockford:
[cynically] Oh I know you do, Skip. I know all about your work with youth!

Skip Speece:
So I told her, hey look, I said, if you're a real punk then you don't have to be faithful to this guy cause real punks aren't faithful to anybody. But it was no go.

Jim Rockford:
[feeling disgust] You're quite a guy, Skip. Look Skip, they stole my barbacue. You wouldn't happen to know where they went next?

Skip Speece:
You know, Jim, I work hard here everyday, and never so hard that I don't have a little extra time for you. Keeping an eye on that trailer. Telling people to watch out for you car when they pull out. Stuff like that. do you remember me at Christmas time? Ever? Slip me a couple of numbers, even a six pack.

[Jim gives him a couple of greenbacks]

Skip Speece:
I mean I hope you know where I'm coming from. I mean, a lifeguard doesn't have all that many years in him. After 35 the skin goes. You can't...

Jim Rockford:
[impatiently] Where were they headed?

Skip Speece:
The old lady was all hot to see the Hearst Castle.

Jim Rockford:
Well I'll tell you something, Skip. I remember you at Christmas time, I just don't do anything about it!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Jim, it's Shirley at the cleaners. You know that brown jacket? The one I said looks so great on you? Your favorite? We lost it.

FBI Agent Gary Bettingen:
[helping Angie Perris, Rockford approaches the bar table of the man who has been following her] Gee, what are you supposed to be?

Jim Rockford:
[smiling] Well, I'm the messenger who's been sent back here to ask very politely what you're doing following that young lady around?

FBI Agent Gary Bettingen:
Un huh. Well you're the guy whose going to be checking into county general in about twenty minutes with a busted jaw and a couple of cracked ribs.

Jim Rockford:
[still smiling, but looking unsure] No kidding. You're going to do that all by yourself?

FBI Agent Gary Bettingen:
Yeah, that's right Groucho. All by myself.

Jim Rockford:
Look, I'm trying to be nice. Why do we have to speak to each other in such violent terms, huh? [Rockford suddenly drives his heel into the other man's foot, then taking him by the head, slams his face down on to the table] I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I guess I should have said one, two, three go, huh?

FBI Agent Gary Bettingen:
[the man reaches inside his jacket, Rockford grabbing his arm, and he slowly pulls out his ID] How'd you like to be booked for assaulting a federal officer?

Jim Rockford:
[the ID says Gary Bettingen, FBI. Rockford smiles sheepishly] Ohhh, look I think I know how we could fix this right now. Why don't I just go and pay my bar bill right now and then fade right out of the picture, huh? You want to say anything to Miss Perris, you just go right ahead.

FBI Agent Gary Bettingen:
Why don't you do that.

Jim Rockford:
[Rockford stands up, still smiling] I will and hey [he offers his hand] if you ever have the chance why don't you just drop around and we'll have a drink. I'd like to make it up to you... [the agent looks uncertain about accepting a handshake] No, no, I'm serious! I'm serious! That was a sucker punch. Hey, you'd been ready, you'd probably knocked me silly!

Barman:
[the man takes his hand and is clobbered by Rockford's left fist, knocking him and his chair on to the floor] Hey! What's going on here?

Jim Rockford:
Here. [Rockford throws money on to the bar and taking Angie, quickly leaves the bar room. A few minutes later in his car he explains why he hit the man] Well I said he had a federal ID. I didn't say he was a fed. He wasn't.

Angela Perris:
How do you know?

Jim Rockford:
Ah, because the picture on his ID was taken against a blue field like your driver's license. Feds have theirs taken against a yellow field. What he did was cut the picture out of his driver's license and paste it into a federal ID, and then encase it in plastic. Nice job, but it was a phony.

Angela Perris:
How can you be so sure?

Jim Rockford:
Oh, because that's what I did. [he shows her his fake FBI ID]

Jim Rockford:
[pretending to be late for an appointment] Why is it every time there's a car wreck on the other side of the divider, all the cars on your side get out to look at it? Are they expecting to see blood?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Hi, Jim, it's Jamie at the police impound. They picked up your car again. Lately, they've been driving it more than you have!

Jim Rockford:
[Rockford is sitting at an outdoor table eating an omelet. Agents Shore and Slater walk up to his table] Who's he?

Agent Dan Shore:
This is Agent Slater

Jim Rockford:
Oh, I guess I should have said "come alone" but it always sounds so melodramatic.

Agent Dan Shore:
We live in the melodrama capital of the world. Otherwise guys like you wouldn't be able to make a living.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Florence Boyle:
[beep, a very attractive voice comes on] Jim, this is Florence Boyle. You worked for my husband last month in Glendale. You were so helpful then, and, well, I have a problem of my own I'd like to discuss... confidentially of course...

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Evelyn 'Angel' Martin:
[Beeep] Jimmy-y-y old buddy buddy, it's Angel! You know how they allow you one phone call... well this is it...

Jim Rockford:
Well what do you want for proof Dennis, my body?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Elderly Man:
Hello... He-Hello... Hello?... Hello!

Cathy Royle:
[Cathy's father, T.T. Flowers, has barricaded himself inside his home - Freedom - with a shot gun, and refuses to come out. Outside with the SWAT team at the ready to enter, Cathy tells her husband, Sherm, she's not going to sell the house, with sleazy real estate developer Muellard standing next to Sherm] Sherm, we can work this out. We always do. But, not like this. And until we do, I don't want to sell the place.

Sherman Royle:
No, you don't know what you're saying.

Jack Muellard:
He's right, Mrs Royle. Why don't you let the men handle the business?

Jack Muellard:
[the stand-off between T.T., and the SWAT team has ended, peacefully. Jim and Beth tell Cathy she should stay win a friend tonight, as she's angered both her husband, Sherm, and Mr. Muellard. Muellard gets into his limo, and Sherm tries to defuse the situation. Muellard thinks otherwise] you're now, after something I can't abide in - a man who doesn't control his woman.

Jim Rockford:
My next attorney's going to be a foundling - someone with no known relatives.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and address, I'll get back to you.

Phil:
[Beeep and really staticky phone line comes on] Jimmy, it's Phil in Puerto Rico. This is really important! Talk to [static] He'll pay twenty thousand dollars [more static] He'll only do [static, static and nothing but static]...

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Hippie Girl:
[Beeep] Bum-mer! I call up with some good vibes and positive energies and talk to a robot? For-get you man!

Sharkey:
He's gonna send you a message in a lead envelope and you're dead!

Kenny Hollywood:
[to Angel] Hey halibut, where's Rockford? I want to get out of this sewer and into some place where the cockroaches aren't carrying away the furniture!

Angel Martin:
What's a halibut?

Jim Rockford:
It's a fish; a bottom feeder.

Angel Martin:
[looking over at Kenny] I don't like him.

Jim Rockford:
[in his finest con-job Texan billionaire drawl] Nick, I've got a thing about loose talk. If you were to run out into the brush for about nine miles and whisper this to a gopher, I'd make it a personal point to bust the wheels off your wagon.

Edward J. Marks:
[Kenny has taken out a hygenic damp cloth, wiping his hands compulsively] I once heard of a guy name Kenny something who was, like, kind of a cleanliness nut.

Judge Lyman:
Agent Reinhardt has a skin rash; he picked it up in South-east Asia last year. Hasn't cleared up yet, huh Frank?

Kenny Hollywood:
Doc says if it doesn't go away by Wednesday, they'll have to try steroids.

Christina Marks:
Why don't we start by having dinner?

Jim Rockford:
Alright. Do you like halibut?

Christina Marks:
Oh yeah, I love it.

Jim Rockford:
Fine, fine. We'll stop by Blast Gillette's on the way and pick one up.

Jim Rockford:
You're not going to cry, are you? I can't take that before breakfast.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
Did you know that there's only 3 Rockfords in the phonebook? There's you and there's me, and there's that guy from Detroit who got beat up because they thought he was you.

Jim Rockford:
The little guy with the broken glasses?

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford:
Uh-huh.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Bookie:
You really want Shim in the seventh? C'mon, that nag couldn't go a mile on a pickup truck. Call me!

Jim Rockford:
I don't know what's goin' on, but believe me I don't want any trouble.

Torrance Beck:
You already got trouble. The only question is whether you're going to wake up tomorrow breathing air or dirt.

Jim Rockford:
Sean, you know what? I'm going to do something I've never done before. Usually I like to talk to a guy first. But with you, I'm gonna rap ya' right in the mouth.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Alice:
Rockford?

[sigh]

Alice:
Alice, Phil's Plumbing. We're still jammed up on a job, so we won't be able to make your place... use the bathroom at the restaurant one more night.

Jim Rockford:
That's why I don't involve myself in domestic cases; there's always a lady in a sheet around somewhere!

Cy Margulies:
[Bel Air real estate agent just oozing with charm] What are your first impressions of the place? I mean, are the juices right? Because before we go inside and... and waste everybody's time on details, I think we should all know if we're in the ball park.

Jim Rockford:
[undercover as a representative of a famous real estate client] Well, the inside of the house is not a detail? Well, let me see, I think I'd say we're in the ball park. It's large enough to allow for a security staff, and the two children want California, especially Caroline...

Cy Margulies:
[grabs Jim by the arm] Mr. Lamont, let's speak frankly. Are we talking about here about Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis?

Jim Rockford:
Now I didn't say that, and you'd do well not to repeat anything you've heard here today.

Cy Margulies:
[barely able to hide his glee] Oh, absolutely!

Jim Rockford:
It's like you said... you've dealt with the very, very famous. It's no big deal.

Cy Margulies:
Absolutely! I don't think I'd be speaking out of school if I said to you that those names I mentioned before [Charo, Cher, Ringo, Barbra] are just... chicken liver! [laughs] What is show business fame? Get it! I mean, I know that you, I mean she, could trust me implicitly and absolutely!

Jim Rockford:
Oh, absolutely...!

Sean Innes:
About Miriam... you know... it was pure physical depletion that caused that problem she was talking about. That's never happened to me before... probably'll never happen again! Truth is, I've been battling this insidious case of mononucleosis these past weeks. I should see my doctor.

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, well, when illness interferes with your work you should. I've seen that notebook you have. How many broads with money do you have on the hook exactly?

Sean Innes:
You make it sound mechanical. I have some basic human needs. Caring. Affection. Oh, I do feel sick...

Jim Rockford:
Would you like a second opinion? Fear is what causes that lack of steam. It's hard to get excited about old Miriam when you keep picturing yourself hanging upside down while some Arab's picking your teeth.

Sean Innes:
Emotions never affect my performance.

Jim Rockford:
[grins] Real trooper, huh?

Peggy Becker:
Just what is a buff?

Dennis Becker:
[looking uncomfortable] Buff? Well... well, it's a citizen who is uh, fascinated by police work. Like, you know, people who are into CB radios and Broadway shows. These people are "buffs" as we call them. They like to spend time around the station house, get to know the fellas, sorta hang out...

Peggy Becker:
[not looking amused] Dennis, that's not a buff, that's a groupie!

Jim Rockford:
This is James Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Esther:
This is Esther, your father's friend. So you're helping me move. That's it? You couldn't call? See if maybe I don't like the new place? See if maybe there's some painting to be done...?

Lianne Sweeny:
Jim Rockford, Jim Rockford...Newton Street Division, 1968, Watts Riots!

Jim Rockford:
No...

Lianne Sweeny:
No, don't tell me, don't tell me! Metro!

Dennis Becker:
Jim Rockford's a private investigator, Lianne.

Lianne Sweeny:
[looking as though she smells something bad] Oh...

Lianne Sweeny:
It may interest you to know that Sergeant Becker rolled a code three to a major four-fifteen which could have turned out to be a one-eighty-seven.

Jim Rockford:
I flunked math.

Lianne Sweeny:
Hey, who's that who just walked into the shooting review?

Off. Al Mazursky:
Oh, Lieutenant Chapman, ma'am.

Lianne Sweeny:
Lieutenant, huh? Anyone told him he looks a little bit like Kirk Douglas?

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Anonymous Woman:
This is incredible! Do you know last night I had one of my dreams? I dreamed that if I called you, you wouldn't be home - and you're not!

Lianne Sweeny:
[after the shoot out, Lt. Chapman is walking, when Lianne Sweeny approaches him - with her 'assessment' of what happened] Hi, Doug. Hey, Doug, Doug. I just want to say that I think Dennis Becker handled this situation very, very well. Even if that civilian hadn't done what he did, I think that Dennis would have nailed those turkeys, with no harm to the victim.

[Full of herself]

Lianne Sweeny:
I think it was quite a collar, a feather in everyone's cap. The way I look at it, there's sure as hell enough glory to go around from this baby.

Lt. Doug Chapman:
[Chapman - who really wasn't listening, and has not only had enough of Lianne Sweeny, he's trying to control himself over the possible outcome which might have occurred because of her involvement] Ms. Sweeney, why don't you go home?

Lianne Sweeny:
[Taken aback] What?

Lt. Doug Chapman:
I said go home. Go back to your family. Go back to your job, whatever it is, and for God's sake, let us do ours. The police don't have many friends these days, so we have a tendency to take whatever comes our way, and that our mistake.

Lianne Sweeny:
Doug, I don't know what you're talking about. I just love what you guys do, that's all. I - I hate crime and criminals.

[Lt. Chapman walks away - never looking at her, silently, and with anger and disgust at what might have happened because of her]

Jim Rockford:
I keep getting the feeling that I'm Chapter 17 in your book - the beneficial effect of the other man on domestic tranquility.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Donna:
[Beeep and the sound of noisy dogs in the background comes on] Jim, this is Donna. Boy we've really been swamped today [yap!, yap!, whine-e-e] Sit! We should be closed [whine-e-e, yap!] Sit! I'll meet you at [yap!] Oh get down! [phone goes off line]

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
Forever Feminine?

Jim Rockford:
My client wrote it. It's a little Dear Abby, a little Norman Vincent Peale and a whole lot of Kama Sutra.

Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2:
What is a Kama Sutra?

Jim Rockford:
[Awkwardly] It's sort of a how to book...

Jim Rockford:
Look, I don't have a lead!

Ann Louise Clement:
Except...

Jim Rockford:
Some avenging feminist with a black belt in auto repairing.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Caller:
Jim, Madame Arcana at the Zodiac Restaurant. If you don't pay that dinner tab, we're gonna repo your birthday.

Armand Teasdale:
[in slight awe] I'm a good judge of people; that is a fine young man with a remarkable character.

Jim Rockford:
Oh, no doubt about it. Lance is perfect. It's his only flaw.

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Salesman:
Pacific View Lots. Perpetual care by people who care at an unbelievably low price. Call Montief and Snell, the full service mortuary. We won't rest easy until you rest easy.

Lance White:
No I promise to stay out of the way this time. You've got the job, the one being paid. I'm just here as a friend.

Angela:
[in complete adoration] I think it's wonderful that Lance cares for others. It's why everyone loves him.

Jim Rockford:
Yeah, well we got snarled up in a case in August. I ended up doing ninety days on a county honor farm.

Lance White:
Well I'm sorry about that Jim. I had my clients' interest to protect, and you did break into that hotel room.

Jim Rockford:
What client? Who were you working for? Nobody ever seemed to know.

Lance White:
Well that was kind of a strange one. Those three little boys hired me.

Jim Rockford:
The triplets? They were only eight years old!

Lance White:
[humbly] Yeah well, when their folks were killed by the Mob I took them in. Finally I made arrangements for them to live on a friend's farm in Vermont.

Jim Rockford:
[sarcastically] Oh, isn't that nice, a happy ending; all of us got to go to a farm!

Belle Labelle:
[in awe] Are you the Lance White who saved Mr. Hillman's life a long, long time ago when the Mob was moving in at the club and threatening his wife and four grandchildren? [a bored Jim is looking at a UCLA diploma on Lance's wall; the name is blotted out]

Lance White:
[modestly] Let's just say it's closer than I like to come.

Jim Rockford:
[unimpressed] Isn't it about time for an intermission? I'm outta popcorn!

Jim Rockford:
[Referring to an unsolicited tip just received] It hasn't occurred to you this is a trap?

Lance White:
[laughing] A trap? C'mon Jim, I doubt that.

Jim Rockford:
I can't explain why you're still walkin' around. It's not gonna last long. You're naive, Lance, you really are! Ya hafta be cynical, you have to question things. You can't take someone named "Belle LaBelle" on face value! What's her angle, huh? Who's payroll is she on? You find out the answers to those things and then you start moving fast and crooked. You go through door sideways and low, at odd angles. You look for the Big Lie. Question everything!

Lance White:
[Blithely] I'm going up to Lake Malibu. Why don't you come with me?

Jim Rockford:
[Appealing to heaven] They'll kill 'im!

Jim Rockford:
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

John Cooper:
[beeep] Jim, Coop. I'm at that address you wrote down for that poker game tonight. This is a gas station, it's closed, there's no one around and now my car is stalled! You gotta call me at four six six [click!]...

Masters:
[examining Rockford's business card] Private detective - now there's a really creepy occupation.

Jim Rockford:
Well, we can't all be fortunate enough to sell old French paratrooper pants to fashion-conscious Middle America.

Masters:
Don't knock what sells, buddy.

Jim Rockford:
Is there a chance that Berucci's in trouble with loan sharks?

Masters:
Loan sharks? - don't be ridiculous.

Jim Rockford:
Well, I know they're very active in the garment center - there are a lot of high-risk businesses. You know, they have very direct ways of protecting investments.

Masters:
We're talking about haute couture, not some sleazy ready-to-wear manufacturer.

Jim Rockford:
Well, there's an expression - no matter how you cut it, it's still the rag business.

Jim Rockford:
[as Alta sets soup and crackers before him] What's that?

Margaret 'Alta' Hatch:
Dinner - I'll get mine.

Jim Rockford:
Oh, well, that'll be a real energy boost - I'll just wolf this right down and go out and stop a freight train.

Margaret 'Alta' Hatch:
That, my dear sir, is a fashion model's feast. Go easy on the wheat thins.

Jim Rockford:
That's gastronomically impossible.

Margaret 'Alta' Hatch:
Well, a real fashion model would have had saltless crackers - but what the hell - let's splurge.

You haven’t lived till you’ve tried to serve ME with a subpoena.

Thug to other thug:
You always call her 'Red Eye Leader. She's your mother!"

Other thug:
"She's director of ordinance."