Shallow Hal2001

Reverend Larson:
First, I want you to promise that no matter what you do in life, you will never ever settle for average.

Young Hal:
Yes, sir.

Reverend Larson:
Second, don't be satisfied with routine poontang.

Young Hal:
[confused] Huh?

Reverend Larson:
Don't do what I did. I married for love, and your mother Betty, has been a nightmare.

Young Hal:
But, Dad, Mom's name is Marian.

Reverend Larson:
Listen to me, I'm giving you pearls here. And third, find yourself a classic beauty. With a perfect can, and great totties. That will put you in good stead with the Lord. Its all in here. Yes, sir. Hot young tail's what its all about.