Delocated2008

[Jon does a prank in a fake coffee shop, but goes horribly wrong]

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
What's up, milady? What can I get for ya?

Unsuspected Customer:
Excuse me? I'm not a woman.

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
Oh, right, man. Yeah. So, uh, what's up? What you want?

Unsuspected Customer:
Get me, uh, a medium earl grey with room for milk.

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
Alright. Medium earl with some room for moo juice. Good call on the Earl. Be right back with that, man. We get a medium earl? Put some cow in it.

[Jon goes to the Nerve Center]

Jon:
[to the viewers] Okay. If, uh, tea is what he wants, then "T" is what he's gonna get. [quietly laughs] Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
Okay, uh, here we go. Uh, got a medium earl with a medium earl. [gives the customer a T in a cup]

Unsuspected Customer:
Sir, what is this?

Jon:
Uh, it's your "T", man.

Unsuspected Customer:
WHAT IS THIS?!

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
Uh, this is your "T", man.

Unsuspected Customer:
WHY ARE YOU [bleep] WITH ME?! GO GET ME MY TEA!

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
This is your "T".

Unsuspected Customer:
[slaps the cup off of Jon's hands] I DON'T NEED THIS TODAY! I JUST LOST MY JOB!

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
[goes off-character] Okay, j-just be cool, okay. Look, look, look, look, look. [takes off the disguise]

Jon:
Prank show. Jon from "Delocated!". This is "Jon He Does It"!

Unsuspected Customer:
I DON'T GIVE A [bleep] WHO YOU ARE, MOTHER [bleep]!

Jon:
Alright, just h-h-ho -- Hold on! I'm going right here. There's a crew. Just look. There's a whole crew back here. We've got cameras, producers. Okay?

[as Jon heads to the Nerve Center, his whole crew disappeared]

Jon:
Guys? GUYS?! [bleep] Come here! Look, look, look, look, look. Right up here. There's cameras in here, and there's cameras in these muffins and bagels. There's cameras. You just can't see them.

Unsuspected Customer:
You're a dead man.

Jon:
No, please believe me! Come on!

[Rob rushes in]

Rob:
SECRET SERVICE! On the floor.

[Customer knocks out Rob and grabs his gun]

Unsuspected Customer:
Mr. Tea, Mr. "Delocated!". Say your prayers, a**hole.

Jon:
[sadly begs] PLEASE! PLEASE!

Mighty Joe Jon:
BANG! [laughs] PRANKED!

Jon:
...

Jon:
What's going on?

Mighty Joe Jon:
There's no prank show. That's what's going on.

Jon:
What?

Mighty Joe Jon:
You really think I greenlighted a show called "Jon He Does It!"? Now way, man! My god! Are you kidding me? [chuckles] I got you man!

Mighty Joe Jon:
What's that smell?

Jon:
Um...I, uh...you know, I got...real scared. I thought I was gonna die, and I, uh, got a little "frrt" in my pants.

All:
[laughter except for Jon]

Mighty Joe Jon:
BONUS! I guess that's just "Mighty Joe Jon He Does It!"! [laughter] Laugh at him some more! So stupid. So stupid.

[cuts to the next scene where Jon gets mad in the bathroom for what MJJ did to him while washing his hands]

Jon:
[pissed] That is not funny! You do NOT do to people! NO! [cries]