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[Andy and Maggie, in costume as a German refugee and a Nazi soldier, are discussing her new boyfriend between takes]

Maggie Jacobs:
[quietly, embarrassed] He likes to talk dirty on the phone. He'll call me up and he's coming out with all this filth.

Andy Millman:
Why... would you tell me that? [grinning] What does he say?

Maggie Jacobs:
He calls up and says things like "Ooh... what are you doing?"

Andy Millman:
What do you say?

Maggie Jacobs:
Well I didn't know what was going on at first - I didn't realize - and I was just honest with him and I said "Oh, I'm just cleaning out the vegetable drawer to the fridge."

Andy Millman:
[bursts out laughing] What if he thought that was a euphemism? "Ooh, I'm cleaning out my vegetable drawer. Ooh, I'm scrubbing my front step." Have you talked dirty back to him?

Maggie Jacobs:
No, I have not. I don't know what to say to him, it's too embarrassing. What if I say something and he just laughs at me, or something and it's too much and he gets all offended?

Andy Millman:
Well no, it's just stuff like "Ooh, I'm playing with myself." [they laugh]

Kate Winslet:
[getting coffee behind them in her nun's habit] Sounds interesting.

Andy Millman:
Hey. Not me, her.

Kate Winslet:
Go on.

Andy Millman:
[pause, then in a rush] Her boyfriend likes to talk dirty on the phone and she doesn't know what to say to him.

Kate Winslet:
Oh yeah, that can be a bit awkward. Why don't you just start with something light, you know, like um - "I'd love it if you stuck your Willy Wonka between my Oompa-Loompas," you know, something a bit fun, a bit jokey. And then you can get more hardcore, run with the old classics, like "I'm playing with my dirty pillows," "I'm aching for your big purple-headed womb ferret." And then go straight in hard, like "Get 'round here 'cause I'm fudding myself stupid and I'm bloody loving it." Right?

Maggie Jacobs:
[incredibly uncomfortable] Yeah.

Kate Winslet:
Okay? Back on. [stands up, walks away]

Andy Millman:
[to her as she walks away] Love to Sam Mendes. [stunned, to Maggie] Kate Winslet, talking dirty to Anne Frank and Joseph Goebbels, just another normal day.

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Extras [2005]

[Andy is speaking to Shane about masturbation... ]

Andy Botwin:
All right, listen closely, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. HAHAHAHAHA!

[Shane stares blankly]

Andy Botwin:
Your little body's changing, and it's all good, believe me. Problem now is every time we jerk the gherkin, we end up with a lot of unwanted, sticky white stuff everywhere, right? Right. So, first order of business: no more socks. They're expensive... gumming up the works, plumbing-wise. Now you might be thinking to yourself, 'But Uncle Andy, what do I do with all that pearl jam if I can't spew it into Mr. Sock?' Glad you asked. You can have a lovely time tuggin' the tiger in the shower each morning. That eliminates the need for a goo glove. But the day is long, masturbation's fun... so unless we wanna take four or five showers every day, we're gonna need some other options here. So let's start with the basics. Tissues: perfectly acceptable backstop for all that Creamy Italian. They can be rough and dry on such soft, sensitive skin, not to mention they can stick to your dick head like a f***in' Band-Aid. Ouch. From there we move on to more lubricated flak-catchers. Specifically bananas. Step one, peel the banana. Step two, slip the peel over your Randy Johnson and start pitching. Now for extra credit, warm up the peel in the microwave - not TOO hot... serious yowza. Also olive oil, moisturizer, honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner and Vaseline can all be used for lube. In my opinion the best lube... is lube. So save your allowance... invest in some soon. All right, moving on... when you tug your Thomas on the toilet, [spitting sound] shoot right into the bowl. In bed, soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy hand towel of your very own that you don't mind tossing after tossing. There's no such thing as polishing the Raised Sceptre of Love too much. It reduces stress, it enhances immune function... also, practice makes perfect. So work on your control now while you're a solo artist, you'll be playing some long, happy duets in the future. All right, class dismissed.

[Shane starts to leave]

Andy Botwin:
Hey...

[Shane stops, and Andy tosses him a banana]

Andy Botwin:
Homework.

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Weeds [2005]

[Anna and Hans approach Elsa seeking for her to bless their engagement. Elsa looks outright alarmed by the news]

Princess Anna:
Well, we haven’t worked out all the details ourselves. We’ll need a few days to plan the ceremony. Of course, we’ll have soup, roast, and ice cream. And then... Wait. Would we live here.

Queen Elsa:
Here.

Prince Hans:
Absolutely!

Queen Elsa:
Anna.

Princess Anna. Oh, we can invite all twelve of your brothers to stay with us. Of course we have the room. I don’t know, some of them must...

Queen Elsa:
What? No. No, no, no, no! Just wait. Slow down! No one's brothers are staying here. No one is getting married.

Princes Anna:
Wait, what?

Queen Elsa:
May I talk to you, please? Alone?

Princess Anna:
No! Whatever you have to say, you... you can say to both of us.

Queen Elsa:
Fine. You can't marry a man you just met.

Princess Anna:
You can if it's true love.

Queen Elsa:
Anna, what do you know about true love?

Princess Anna:
More than you. All you know is how to shut people out.

Queen Elsa:
[looks hurt by Anna's words, but remains calm] You asked for my blessing, but my answer is "no". Now... excuse me. [Elsa starts to walk away]

Prince Hans:
Your Majesty, if I may ease your...

Queen Elsa:
No, you may not. And I... I think you should go. [to a guard] The party is over. Close the gates.

Guard:
Yes, your majesty.

Princess Anna:
What? Elsa, no! No, wait! [She tries to grab Elsa's hand, but instead yanks off her glove. Elsa gasps in horror]

Queen Elsa:
[desperately] Give me my glove.

Princess Anna:
[also desperate] Elsa, please! Please! I can't live like this anymore!

Queen Elsa:
[pauses] Then leave. [Anna looks at her, looking hurt. Elsa then turns to leave.]

Princess Anna:
[calling after her] What did I ever do to you?

Queen Elsa:
[impatiently] Enough, Anna.

Princess Anna:
No! Why? Why do you shut me out? Why-why do you shut the world out? What are you so afraid of?!

Queen Elsa:
I said ENOUGH!!!! [Elsa swings her hand around, shooting out a wall of icicles around her. Everyone - including Anna - stares at her in shock. Elsa shrinks back, staring in horror at what she's done] (There's your answer, all right?)

Duke of Weselton:
Sorcery. [hides behind one of his bodyguards] I knew there was something dubious going on here.

Princess Anna:
[stares at Elsa in horror] Elsa?

[Devastated, Elsa flees the ballroom.]

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Frozen [2013]

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Frozen [2013]

[Anna and Kristoff are walking through a forest with Sven. Anna looks awestruck at the beauty of the landscape]

Princess Anna:
I never knew winter could be so beautiful.

Olaf:
[offscreen] Yeah, it really is beautiful, isn't it? [Anna and Kristoff both look at Sven as if they think he's the one talking] But it's so white. How about a little color? I'm thinking, like, maybe some crimson, chartreuse... [Olaf wanders up behind Anna and Kristoff]...how 'bout yellow? No, not yellow. Yellow and snow? Brrr! No go.

[Olaf laughs. Anna and Kristoff finally notice his presence. Anna gasps]

Olaf:
Am I right?

Princess Anna:
AAAH! [Anna kicks Olaf's head off. Olaf's head lands in Kristoff's hands]

Olaf:
Hi.

Kristoff:
You're creepy. [tosses the head back to Anna]

Princess Anna:
I don't want it! [tosses the head back to Kristoff]

Kristoff:
Back at you!

Olaf:
Whoa! Please don't drop me! [Olaf's lower body is running around like a headless chicken as Anna and Kristoff play hot potato with his head]

Kristoff:
Come on, it's just a head!

Princess Anna:
No!

Olaf:
All right, we got off to a bad start.

Princess Anna:
Ew, ew! The body! [Anna throws Olaf's head at his lower body. He slides back, and stands up, his head on upside down]

Olaf:
Wait, what am I looking at right now? Why are you hanging off the earth like a bat?

Princess Anna:
All right, wait one second. [Anna takes Olaf's head off and puts it on right side up]

Olaf:
Oh! Thank you.

Princess Anna:
You're welcome.

Olaf:
Now I'm perfect! [Anna smiles]

Princess Anna:
Well, almost.

Olaf:
[to Kristoff] It was like my whole life got turned upside down. [Anna grabs a carrot and tries to place it on Olaf's face tail first. It goes all the way through, save for the tip]

Princess Anna:
Oh! I'm sorry!

Olaf:
WHOO? Head rush!

Princess Anna:
Are you okay?

Olaf:
Are you kidding me? I... am wonderful! I've always wanted a nose. It's so cute. It's like a little baby unicorn. [Anna pushes the carrot through Olaf's head] Oh, hey whoa? Oh, I love it even more? All right, let's start this thing over: Hi, everyone. I'm Olaf. And I like warm hugs.

Princess Anna:
Olaf? [friendly] That's right! Olaf!

Olaf:
And you are...?

Princess Anna:
Oh... I'm Anna.

Olaf:
[points to Kristoff] And who's the funky-looking donkey over there?

Princess Anna:
[thinks Olaf is referring to Sven] That's Sven.

Olaf:
[points to Sven] Uh-huh. And who's the reindeer?

Princess Anna:
[confused] ...Sven?

Olaf:
Oh, they're bo- Oh! Okay. Makes things easier for me. [Sven tries to bite Olaf's carrot nose] Whoa! Oh, look at him, trying to kiss my nose. I like you, too!

Princess Anna:
Olaf, did Elsa build you?

Olaf:
Yeah, why?

Princess Anna:
Do you know where she is?

Kristoff:
[takes one of Olaf's twig arms and examines it] Fascinating.

Olaf:
Yeah, why?

Princess Anna:
Do you think you could show us the way?

Olaf:
Yeah, why?

Kristoff:
[still examining Olaf's arm] How does this work? [The arm slaps him] OW!

Olaf:
[snatches the arm and puts it back in his body] Stop it, Sven! Trying to focus here. [back to Anna] Yeah, why?

Kristoff:
I'll tell you why: We need Elsa to bring back summer.

Olaf:
Summer?

Princess Anna:
M-hm.

Olaf:
[excited] Oh, I don't know why, but I've always loved the idea of summer, and sun, and all things hot...

Kristoff:
Really? I guess you don't have much experience with heat.

Olaf:
Nope! But sometimes I like to close my eyes and imagine what it'd be like when summer does come. Ahh...

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Frozen [2013]

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Frozen [2013]

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Anna Lee [1994]

[Anna, Kristoff, and Sven are fleeing from hungry wolves]

Princess Anna:
What do we do?!

Kristoff:
I got this! Just... don't fall off and don't get eaten?

Princess Anna:
But I wanna help!

Kristoff:
No!

Princess Anna:
Why not?

Kristoff:
Because I don't trust your judgement.

Princess Anna:
Excuse me?!

Kristoff:
[kicks away a wolf] Who marries a man she just met? [Anna brandishes Kristoff's lute]

Princess Anna:
[angrily] It's true love!

Kristoff:
Whoa! [Anna swings the lute like it's a baseball bat to smack away a wolf] Whoa. [Another wolf grabs Kristoff and yanks him off the sled] WHOA!

Princess Anna:
Christopher! [Kristoff is now being dragged behind the sled]

Kristoff:
It's Kristoff! [Anna uses the lantern to light up the bedroll and tosses it]

Princess Anna:
Duck! [The flaming bedroll takes down both wolves trying to bite Kristoff. Kristoff pulls himself back onto the sled]

Kristoff:
You almost set me on fire!

Princess Anna:
But I didn't.

[Anna pulls Kristoff back onto the sled. Their eyes suddenly go wide as they see a cliff up ahead]

Princess Anna:
Get ready to jump, Sven!

Kristoff:
You don't tell him what to do! [Kristoff shoves his satchel into Anna's arms and throws her onto Sven's back]

Princess Anna:
Hey!

Kristoff:
I do! [He cuts Sven's harness with his knife] Jump, Sven!

[Sven successfully clears the chasm and lands with Anna on the other side. Kristoff jumps from the sled halfway across and lands hands first. He looks down just as his sled hits the bottom of the cliff and bursts into flames]

Kristoff:
No! But I just paid it off! Uh-oh! No, no. Ah! No, no, no, no, no, no!

Anna:
Grab on. Pull, Sven, pull.

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Frozen [2013]

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Frozen [2013]

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Frozen [2013]

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Frozen [2013]

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The Doolins of Oklahoma [1949]

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The Champ [1979]

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Sonic the Hedgehog [1993]

[Archer is posing as Castor at Erwhon when a guard opens his cell door]

Guard:
You've got a visitor.

[Cut to Archer entering the visitor's room. The magnetic boots clamp into place. A door then opens, revealing Castor Troy with Archer's old face. As they exchange looks, Castor smirks. He then cocks his head, walks across the room, and eventually breaks into a wide grin]

Castor Troy:
Oooooo-WEE, you're good lookin'! Ya hot!

[Castor steps towards Archer]

Castor Troy:
It's like looking in a mirror, only not. [Castor walks around Archer]

Sean Archer:
Troy?

Castor Troy:
Now that is between us. OK?

Sean Archer:
But you were--were, were, in--in--in-

Castor Troy:
In a coma?

Sean Archer:
--in-in-in-

Castor Troy:
Nothing like having your face cut off to disturb your sleep! Read the newspaper lately? [thrusts an article in Archer's face headlined "Deadly Inferno at Walsh Institute", with Dr. Walsh's picture]

Sean Archer:
You killed them?

Castor Troy:
Yeah well. Beats paying the bill, huh? I mean, come on, uh, if a face lift costs five grand...[shows Archer's wedding ring on his hand] SEE ANYTHING YOU LIKE!!??? [In his mind, Archer pictures Tito, bound and gagged alongside Miller and Dr. Walsh, being doused with gasoline]

Sean Archer:
Tito! [In a flashback, Castor drops his cigarette lighter into a puddle of gasoline, sparking a large inferno]

Castor Troy:
I torched all the evidence that proves you're you, okay? So, wow! [looks at watch] Looks like you're going to be in here for THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS!! Now, I have got to go. I've got a government job to abuse and [whispers into Archer's ear] a lonely wife to fuck. Oh, I'm sorry...make love to! God, I miss that face! [He licks the side of Archer's face. Archer promptly grabs Castor by the neck, throws him to the floor, and attempts to strangle him]

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Face/Off [1997]

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Once and Again [1999]

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Rob Roy [1995]

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Entourage [2004]

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Batman: The Animated Series [1992]

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Frozen [2013]

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Barbarella [1968]

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Barbarella [1968]

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Batman: The Animated Series [1992]

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The Peanuts Movie [2015]

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    In which movie does this quote appear: "I'm sure in 1985, plutonium is available at every corner drugstore, but in 1955 it's a little hard to come by"?
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