Bones, Season 8

Bones (2005–2017) is a crime drama television series on the FOX Network, inspired by real-life forensic anthropologist and novelist, Kathy Reichs. Forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan specializes in reading clues left behind in a victim's bones. Consequently, law enforcement calls her in to assist with murder investigations when the remains are so badly decomposed, burned, or destroyed that the standard identification methods are useless.

[FBI Interrogation Room, Dr. Sweets is interrogating Chef Paulo Romano, who served the victim ratburgers.]

Romano:
I got nothing to say without my lawyer present.

Sweets:
Mmm, mmm, well legal representation is your constitutional right, but, I'm telling you, the minute a lawyer gets here, I can't help you.

Romano:
Ha, ha. You say that, but you don't mean that––

Sweets:
...you served your divorce lawyer... a rat burger.

Romano:
Says you.

Sweets:
The ingredients, aside from the rat, forensically matched your kitchen.

Romano:
(Plays along, amused) What ingredients?

Sweets:
"What ingredients?" (Starts pulling out evidence from a box, identifying each one.) Curry paste. Corsican Sea Salt. Red Peppers. A fairly rare Russian Tarragon. Majorcan Capers. Red Poblano Chillies. Oh, this is the pan you used.

Romano:
All you're doing is convincing me I need a lawyer.

Sweets:
You prepared the rat. You didn't just dice it up and toss it into the pan. You treated it like a fine fillet. You really hated Richard Bartlett.

Romano:
Now that's a fact.

Sweets:
He was your divorce lawyer, wha––? You won!

Romano:
At first, I thought he was my savior... Then I got his bill. That bastard charged me so much, I would have been better off giving half to my wife.

Sweets:
So, you served him the burger as revenge.

Romano:
Every Tuesday night. For two years. With a year and a half to go.

Sweets:
Excuse me?

Romano:
He was gonna eat rat for as long as I was married. Three and one-half years. For poetical reasons.

Sweets:
He figured it out, somehow, called you to his office, threatened to sue you, take away your restaurant, and you killed him...?

Romano:
Ok, now your just being insulting.

Sweets:
Because I'm accusing you of murder?

Romano:
'Cause you're insulting my cooking! He loved that burger. You can check my emails. All Bartlett does is rave about that burger. Why would I kill him? Now, I never get the satisfaction of seeing that bastard's face, when he finds out that he had Rat, every Tuesday night.

Finn:
I hope this is important, I'm trying to find cause of death... [Smells the fried catfish.] What's that smell?

[As Angela prepares a table, Hodgins turns to show Finn.]

Hodgins:
It... is Catfish, "Opie".

Finn:
Oh. That wasn't neccessary, "Thurston".

Hodgins:
But it was. [Points to the chair waiting] Come here, sit down.

[Finn sits down to the fried Catfish. Hodgins' hand moves to his pocket.]

Hodgins:
And this... [Pulls a bottle of the hot sauce out of his pocket] This is the hot sauce.

Angela:
Taste it, you are gonna love it.

[Finn reluctantly obliges]

Finn:
This is... [drinks some of the sauce] Oh, my god! How did you do that?

Hodgins:
Aframomum melegueta; it's more commonly as "Guinea grain". It's native to swampy habitats along the West African Coast. I have no idea how your Granny got a hold of it, but...

Finn:
She used to trade with a Herbalist in the woods...Damnit...If you hadn't brought my Granny back from the dead! [starts laughing]

Hodgins:
Hey, I told you I'd find it, right?

Angela:
And you were right. The secret ingredient was Love. That's the only explanation for Hodgins spending so much time, and effort to do this.

Hodgins:
Eat. Go, eat.

[Finn pours the hot sauce on the catfish and starts eating]

Hodgins:
Hey, we shouldn't keep this stuff a secret, I mean the world would love this.

Finn:
Aaaa. Very true, very true.

Angela:
You should slow down a little bit, Finn. You don't wanna get a bone stuck down your throat.

Finn:
[Holds up a catfish bone] Not from a baby Catfish.

[Bends the catfish bone to emphasize that it is flexible. As he looks at it, he has an epiphany on the victim's cause of death.]

Finn:
That's it!

Hodgins:
What?

Finn:
Cause of death.

[Finn gets up, hovering between going and eating his catfish. He grabs the bottle of hot sauce before he leaves. Angela and Hodgins look bemused.]


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