Hawaii Five-0, Season 1

McGarrett:
I've been tracking Victor Hesse for five years. If he were bold enough to surface, I promise you he already has an exit strategy planned, and he knows I know it, which means I can barely afford the hour it's going to take to bury my father, let alone stand here talking to you. Excuse me.

Governor Patricia Jameson:
I can help you find this son of a bitch, with full immunity and means. Your task force will have blanket authority to go after guys like Hesse and get them the Hell off my island. Your rules, my backing, no red tape. I promise you, Commander. What you see is what you get.

McGarrett:
Your captain said you transferred in from New Jersey six months ago, so your eye's still fresh.

Danny:
You know, I appreciate it, but my psych eval's not for six weeks.

McGarrett:
Fold-out bed, no ring on your finger-you obviously moved here to be close to your daughter. Which means in between visits, all you got is your job, and you take pride in it. That's what I'm looking for.

Danny:
Yeah, but you know what? It's guys like you who think you know how to do everything better, and that only makes my job harder.

McGarrett:
You got no choice, detective. The governor gave me jurisdiction; I'm making you my partner. We're gonna get along great.

Chin:
Look, I can't be a cop anymore.

McGarrett:
Why not?

Chin:
Because I can't be! You understand? HPD accused me of taking payoffs, so I'm the last person the department wants to see wearing a badge. I've gotta go.

Danny:
This is going really well.

McGarrett:
Did you take the money?

Chin:
Excuse me?

McGarrett:
[more directly] Did you take the money?

Chin:
No.

McGarrett:
Then come with us. And we don't need to talk about this again. Ever. This is your ticket back into the game. Call it payback, call it whatever you want, I don't care, but I need you.

Chin:
How do you know you can trust me?

McGarrett:
Because my old man did.

[interrogating Sang Min]

McGarrett:
You're going to jail. That part's not up for negotiation; your family is about to lose a husband and a father. In my eyes, now they're your victims, too. The trouble is, the law doesn't see it that way. Your wife, she's from Rwanda. She'll be sent back; they both will. If they're lucky, they'll make it to a refugee camp. And your son... seven is old enough to hold a gun for the Hutu militia. I can prevent all that, but I don't help people who don't help me.

Sang Min:
What kind of cops are you?

McGarrett:
The new kind.

McGarrett:
Tell the Coast Guard to find that body.

Danny:
What do you want me to do with this one?

McGarrett:
Book 'em, Danno.

Danny:
If the suspect dies, he loses the ability to speak-ergo, he's useless to us!

McGarrett:
"Ergo"?

McGarrett:
Book 'im, Danno.

Danny:
Really? Is this gonna be your thing?

Danny:
What's that look?

McGarrett:
What look?

Danny:
The look. The look you give me when you don't tell me what you're thinking, and the next thing I know I'm getting shot at.

[watching a video of one of McGarrett's high school football games]

Danny:
I got one question. What's a quarterback doing wearing the number fifty?

McGarrett:
Five-0.

Danny:
Yeah.

McGarrett:
No, it's not fifty, it's five-0. It's what my dad used to call our family, because we weren't native Hawaiian. Five-0. I don't know; it was his way of making us feel like we belonged somewhere I guess.

Kono:
I like that. Five-0.

McGarrett:
You saying I'm not cool?

Danny:
In certain situations. Like when you've got a gun pointed in your face, or you're trying to decide whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire. But actual human interaction, mammal-to-mammal, you could use some work.

McGarrett:
Thanks, Dr. Phil.

Danny:
[to waitress] I like pancakes in the afternoon. You like pancakes?

McGarrett:
I like pancakes.

Danny:
Really? You seem like more of a napalm in the morning kind of guy.

McGarrett:
That too.

[McGarrett is playing basketball with a prison inmate to get information on a suspect.]

Danny:
[to McGarrett] So you know, the other guy getting the ball in the hoop-that's bad.

McGarrett:
Hey, Danno, shut up.

Danny:
Do me a favor, don't call me Danno, okay?

Prison Inmate:
How long you two been married?

McGarrett:
You don't think I'm a happy person?

Danny:
I'm sure you have your moments. Like when Guns & Ammo puts out its holiday gift guide, or a Rambo retrospective comes on TV.

[While meeting Gov Jameson, the Five-0 team hears piano playing coming from the morgue.)

Gov. Jameson:
[wearily] That's right, you haven't met Dr. Bergman yet.

[as McGarrett brings up the security camera feed from the club]

Danny:
They teach you that in SEAL school?

McGarrett:
Yeah, it's called the using the Internet. People have been doing it since the early '90s. You might wanna look into it.

Danny:
I guess I was still playing Ms. Pac-Man.

McGarrett:
Yeah? You ever get to the double pretzel level?

Danny:
Triple banana, bitch.

McGarrett:
You're a liar.

Chin:
[to Kono] Part of doing the job is knowing when you're not the one to do the job.

McGarrett:
There's an easy way to do things on this island and a hard way. Talking to Kawika before we go after Levi and Diego is the easy way.

Danny:
What's throwing a guy in a shark tank or hanging a guy off a roof?

McGarrett:
Those guys were from out of town.

Danny:
You are a sick person you know that?

McGarrett:
In the best possible way, right?

Danny:
No! No, not in the best possible way! In a very terrible way! That wasn't a compliment, you understand?

Diego:
We were with our PO.

Danny:
Oh yeah?

Diego:
You can call him.

Danny:
I'm gonna call him, and you're gonna sit right here while I do, and if he doesn't vouch for you, we're gonna get a lot less friendly. [about McGarrett] Well, he will; I'm always cordial.

[McGarrett drives; Danno hangs on for dear life.]

Danny:
O-kay, I got a daughter…!

McGarrett:
Don't worry, I know these roads.

Danny:
This is not a road! A road has asphalt and two lanes! This is dirt on a cliff!

McGarrett:
You scared?

Danny:
I'm not scared; I'm rationally concerned.

Danny:
I mean, I'm no detective-Wait a minute, where am I? Oh, I'm a detective!

Kono:
I'll go find out if the daughter saw anything. I mean, I'm the woman, so you'd probably ask me to do it anyway.

Danny:
No, it's not because you're a woman, it's because you're a rookie, and that's way worse.

[as McGarrett prepares to swim to the ship]

Danny:
Good luck, Aquaman!

Steve:
He's armed. He's holding seven hostages, behavior's pretty erratic.

Danny:
Oh, you mean opposed to most hostage takers that are calm and composed?

McGarrett:
I thought I told you to stay put.

Ed McKay:
I'm an old man. I don't hear so good.

McGarrett:
I came to ask you a question.

Danny:
Well, if it's about the prom, I'm flattered, but I already have a date.

McGarrett:
Do you realize how much of your life revolves around food?

Danny:
Do you realize how much of your life revolves around armed conflict?

Danny:
[to McGarrett] Where've you been? I've been calling you like you owe me money.

Danny:
[about McGarrett] His idea of communication is dropping a witty one-liner and shooting you in the face.

Danny:
[to Miller] Look at all these pictures. What are you, a stalkerrattzi or something?

Miller:
I'm not saying anything else without my counsel here. If you want to ask me any more questions, you're gonna have to book me.

Danny:
[sees McGarrett brighten up and look at him] Do not say it.

McGarrett:
Take that tie off. No one on a cruise ship wears a tie.

Danny:
Yes, they do. They do all the time, so they can hang themselves when they're bored.

McGarrett:
Well, put it in your pocket. You can kill yourself later.

Kono:
So you deal with dead bodies all day, and your hobby is dead bodies?

Dr. Bergman:
I also make pickles. It's a good way to reuse specimen jars.

Danny:
Can I ask you a question? Why are you always driving my car?

McGarrett:
I like to drive.

Danny:
No, Rain Man liked to drive. You have control issues.

Danny:
My tree is small. It's depressing. It's pathetic.

McGarrett:
It's perfect. It's just like your apartment.

[looking at the bullets extracted from Victor Hesse]

Chin:
You put two of those in Hesse and didn't kill him?

Danny:
Next time, shoot him in the face.

(after McGarrett tells Governor Jameson that her biggest supporter is a Yakuza boss)

Gov. Jameson:
[wearily] Is there any beer around here?

McGarrett:
What?

Jameson:
I have never known a Navy man who couldn't find a lady a beer.

Danny:
Hey, it's the CHiPs! Remember CHiPs?

McGarrett:
Of course I remember CHiPs. I always thought that'd be the coolest job-you know, riding motorcycles, fighting crime…

Danny:
No, no, motorcycle cops have a five-times-higher mortality rate than other cops.

McGarrett:
It's a cop fantasy, Danny; why do you gotta bring statistics into it?

Danny:
Cop fantasy... In my cop fantasy, I'd be Estrada, and you'd be Wilcox.

[while following a suspect]

Danny:
Hey, not so close, Wilcox.

McGarrett:
Don't tell me how to tail a suspect. And if this was CHiPs, I'd be Estrada, you'd be Wilcox.

Danny:
No way.

Danny:
If I'm going to die on this island which I never should've come to in the first place, your face is not the last face I want to see, you understand that? Respectfully, of course.

Steve:
I know you like it here.

Danny:
I like... here? Incorrect! You are incorrect, my friend!

Steve:
Then why the board, huh? Did hell freeze over? Did I actually miss you trying to get up on that thing?

[The team discovers the money from the HPD asset forfeiture locker stashed inside sandbags stashed at a government building and try to pin the prime suspect]

Commander Hale:
Coast Guard tracked that drug deal for six months. It was supposed to be our takedown. But then HPD swooped in and took the credit. Now I'm being pushed out before my twenty. No pension. No benefits. My country owes me.

Steve:
Hey, let's clear things right now. You swore to defend and support this country no matter the cost. She doesn't owe you anything.

Danny:
It's uh, gonna be your last chance to say it. Come on.

Steve:
Book 'em, Danno.

Chin:
[to Kono] You know, there might be a few other things I could teach you, but I think you got the whole ass-kicking thing down.

Steve:
I may not be able to see you, okay. But I can hear you. And you have a tone.

Danny:
Tone? I don't have a tone. I don't have a tone.

Steve:
You say I have a face. You, my friend, you have a tone. You have a tone, okay? And it's a tone that says "I'm gonna hit somebody."

Chin:
[to Danny] Wasn't that the mother of your child?

Danny:
You know what the greatest invention of all time is?

Chin:
What?

Danny:
The Ignore button. You know, I have theory that whoever invented the modern cellular phone also had an ex-wife.

Danny:
[sees Kamekona in a tracksuit] When did you start jogging?

Kamekona:
I'm in training, brah.

Danny:
Did he just say he's in a training bra?

Steve:
[sees Danny bent over] What are you doing?

Danny:
Buying a car. What's it look like I'm doing?

Steve:
It looks like you're doing downward dog, but I know you don't do yoga.

Danny:
I'm stretching because my back hurts. Do you know why my back hurts?

Steve:
No. Why does your back hurt?

Danny:
Because I spent the morning pushing a car down the Pali Highway.

Steve:
Ah. Where I come from that's called good exercise.

Danny:
Where is that, Krypton? Where I come from, that's called a worker's comp settlement.

[Steve and Danny visit Samoan pawnshop operator Big Lono]

Steve:
You gonna open the door?

Big Lono:
Not a chance.

Steve:
I'll be back.

Danny:
"I'll be back?" [to Big Lono] He's done a lot better, trust me. [To Steve] That's all you can come up with is "I'll be back?"

Steve:
I've got something- I've got something good. [Goes outside]

Danny:
[to Big Lono] You see what you did? I don't know what he's gonna do. But if I were you: I'd run out the back, side, roof - go! [Steve returns with a grenade] A grenade? He has a grenade. Why do you have a grenade? He's got a grenade. You see this? He's not bluffing? He will pull the pin and blow everybody up. Will you trust me, please?

Big Lono:
That thing's not even real.

Steve:
You gonna open the door?

Big Lono:
No way.

Steve:
Okay. [Steve and Danny run outside as the grenade goes off]

Danny:
What is wrong with you? You need help! I will pay for it!

Kono:
[visits a bar full of coeds on spring break] Four year-college tuition, $200,000. Books and supplies, $50,000. Room and board, $25,000. [sees unconscious patron] Passing out with two cocktail olives up your nose...

Chin:
Priceless.

Kono:
What are the real chances of getting these kids back alive?

Steve:
When my father was kidnapped, I knew from prior experience that no matter what I did that day, the results would not be good, okay? In these situations they rarely are... We're gonna change that. We're gonna get these kids back. We're gonna get them back alive!

Matt:
We can hang out for the day and meet you for dinner. What do you think, Grace?

Grace:
Yeah.

Danny:
All right. But listen, no funny stuff. No trouble, okay?

Grace:
I won't.

Danny:
I know you won't. I'm talking to him.

Matt:
Our parents would say, "Where's your brother?" and Danny would say, "Guess we lost him."

Rachel:
You are horrible, Danny.

Danny:
Yeah, well, I always came back for you, didn't I?

Matt:
You gonna shoot me, Danny?

Danny:
I should shoot you. You stupid son-of-a-bitch! Laundering money for drug dealers? What the hell's the matter with you?

Danny:
[to Matt] Listen to me. Who do you think you're talking to, huh? Think you're talking to one of your dopey clients. I'm your brother! You don't lie to me!

Matt:
What do you want to hear? That I took the money? Fine! I took the money!

Danny:
[about his brother, Matt] Well, be warned. Mr. Wall Street has quite a personality.

Steve:
Runs in family, huh?

Danny:
Disorder. Personality disorder.

Steve:
[about a snow globe] Why would you steal this?

Johnny:
I've always wanted to go to Paris.

Steve:
It's a beautiful city and if you go, you should pick yourself up a snow globe because that is Seattle.

Danny:
That's the Space Needle, not the Eiffel Tower, you schmuck!

Steve:
[to Danny] You stop for malstadas?

Danny:
No.

Steve:
You got evidence for a case?

Danny:
Nope.

Steve:
Alright, stop, stop. What's in the bag?

Danny:
My, lunch, genius.

Steve:
Your lunch? Okay, what'd you bring?

Danny:
You got to know every detail of my life? What's it to you what my lunch is?

Steve:
Cause you don't want to tell me! What, you think it's so fantastic I'm going to steal it? You fly in some deep-fried sandwich from New Jersey I'm not allowed to know about-

Danny:
Salad, okay? Just a salad. That's it. There's nothing else in here. Grace has been taking a nutrition class and she is concerned about my cholesterol so I promised her I would eat better. Okay?

Steve:
That's actually incredibly sweet.

Kono:
"You don't find Johnny. He finds you."

Danny:
You're gonna quote this schmuck now?

Kono:
I can spoof Tiffany's cell and make it look like she's sending him a text.

Danny:
Lure him here. I like it. But move over please. Because I'm gonna do this. Because it should be very filthy and you're a young lady.

Danny:
[to Steve] I don't understand why you didn't just give them your files right there.

Steve:
Must you know every detail of my life?

Danny:
Hey, this is the CIA you're dealing with here. They wrote the book on advanced interrogation techniques, which I'm absolutely positive you have sitting on your bedside table right now. Just so you know, I understand, okay? I would not mind a one-on-one session with Jenna Kaye, the thought does stimulate my imagination too.

Steve:
Legally the CIA can only interrogate foreign nationals.

Danny:
Why do you do that? I had my fantasy worked out. You're like a devourer of dreams. You know what I mean. You like eat them. You're like a little Pacman in cargo pants.

Steve:
[to Wo Fat while waiting for Jenna Kaye] What makes you think I won't kill you right here in this restaurant?

Wo Fat:
"The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out." Old Chinese proverb.

Steve:
[has a gun aimed at Wo Fat under the table] "Say hello to my little friend." Old American proverb.

Danny:
With all due respect, what's wrong with an old fashioned baseball game, Steve? Huh?

Steve:
Never been to a professional baseball game.

Danny:
That doesn't surprise me at all.

Danny:
I'm gonna come down, untangle the rope and I'm going to bring it to you, alright?

Steve:
Take it easy, alright? [Danny starts to climb, but stumbles] Hey, easy! I'm not going to catch your ass if you fall!

Danny:
I'd rather you not catch me if I fall, okay?

Danny:
[about going through a case of fish shipped to Morimoto's] Okay buddy, after you.

Steve:
That's for you, babe, I can't get my cast wet.

Danny:
That's low. That's really low. What exactly are we looking for?

Steve:
We'll know when we find it. So be thorough-

Danny:
Be thorough, okay.

Steve:
Yeah, check every fish Danny, every fish in the box.

Danny:
You're gonna pay for this. One hundred percent.

Danny:
This is not a hike, Steven. Your dad used to bring you up here?

Steve:
Every year.

Danny:
That explains a lot.

Danny:
We know who Jimmy Cannon is. What we don't know is who Reggie Cole is going to be once he finds out who the leak is or if he tracks down one of the shooters.

Steve:
Well, you were married, you have a daughter. What would you do?

Danny:
Well I would want to just kill everybody, but I would never do that. I would not risk going to prison, I could not do that to Grace. You, forget it. I don't even want to know what you would do.

Steve:
Me, I would be by the book.

Danny:
You would be by the book? Which book? The Patriot Act for Dummies? How to Nuke Your Enemies? War and Peace? Minus the peace part?

Jimmy Cannon:
Every investigation against me has come up empty, you know why?

Steve:
No, why?

Cannon:
Because there's nothing to find. Now, growing up in poverty and making something of yourself used to be considered a virtue in this country.

Steve:
Is that Capone? [to Danny] Did he just quote Capone?

Reggie Cole:
Look, my job was to get Jimmy Cannon. I don't know who shot me. I don't know who set me up. All I know is that Jimmy Cannon ordered the hit! Now look...look I know you guys are trying to do your jobs... but Jimmy Cannon killed my wife. He killed a federal agent. You don't know who you're dealing with. He's going to put walls up in front of you wherever you go.

Steve:
We're going to go wherever the case takes us. And let me tell you, you want guys like us on this, because we'll go through those walls.

Allison Marsh:
Well, gentlemen, this is an FBI matter now. And the FBI will be taking over the case. Thanks for your effort.

Steve:
First of all, you're welcome. Second of all, a little boy's going to grow up without a mother because of a leak in your agency!

Marsh:
Listen to me. You cannot go after Jimmy Cannon.

Steve:
Watch me!

Allison Marsh:
[to McGarrett] I want to talk to your boss.

McGarrett:
Lady, I answer to God and to the Governor, neither of whom are going to help you out right now, so take a seat.

[Kono and HPD forensics specialist Charlie Fong talk at the crime lab]

Kono Kalakaua:
Did you graduate from Kikui High?

Charlie Fong:
Nope. Punahou.

Kono:
You're not going to make this easy are you?

Fong:
Just the crime-solving stuff.

[McGarrett insists on Chin Ho coming clean about his corruption charges]

Steve McGarrett:
Look Chin, listen this is gonna clear your name.

Chin Ho:
Yeah, it will, but at what cost? My uncle was a righteous cop, Steve. In his 25 years, he put away hundreds of criminals. Guys that deserved to be off the streets. And if he's found guilty, they'll enact judicial review. All of his past convictions will be called into question. Guilty men will walk straight out of prison.

McGarrett:
Let me call the governor.

Chin Ho:
No. This is my problem. I'll handle it.

[Jenna Kaye and Steve McGarrett confront Fallon Global official Elliot Connor at his office]

Jenna Kaye:
You shifted in your chair and touched your face as you were answering the question. Those are both signs of deception, plus you added unnecessary details about delivering the papers just to make your lies sound more credible.

Steve McGarrett:
Does Jeff know that you're using his house to cheat on his sister?

Elliott Connor:
What? That's absurd!

Kaye:
Wow. Mock outrage - that's a bad one.

[Sang Min suddenly appears at the Five-0 offices]

Sang Min:
You don't understand. I'll plead to any charge. Take the maximum sentence. As long as you put me in protective custody.

Danny:
Oh yeah? What happened?

Sang Min:
Wo Fat. I tried to make things right with him.

Steve:
What did he say?

Sang Min:
He told me he's not gonna rest until I'm dead. And then when I am, he's gonna come after you next.

McGarrett:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there a car attached to you? [Kaye looks down at her wrist]

Kay:
Oh. Weird.

[Chin Ho receives a call on his cellphone - with Sgt Duke Lukela on the other end]

Sgt. Duke Lukela:
[sees arrest warrant notice on computer] You sure you don't want your old job back? 'Cause it looks like your current one isn't going to exist much longer. We have a warrant to arrest McGarrett for murder.

Chin Ho Kelly:
[Ending the call] We've got a problem. HPD is on the way here right now to arrest you for killing Laura Hills.

[Danny witnesses Chin Ho and the HPD officers bring McGarrett out of the Governor's Mansion]

Danny:
We have jurisdiction. We're Five-0. Get him out.

Chin Ho Kelly:
You don't understand, Danny. There is no Five-0 anymore.

John McGarrett:
[recording] When he was 5 years old, I asked my son Steve what he wanted to be when he grew up. "I wanna be a cop, Dad, like you." I told him to be anything but that. The life of a cop is Is not easy. It's not that I'm not proud of the work that I did, but more than anything, I have, uh I have regrets. The toll that it took on my family, the way it hurt them. It's something I think about every day. Now, I'm I'm alone here. Losing my wife was almost unbearable. But giving up my kids, that just broke me. I'm proud of them, but they'd never know it. I've missed so much of their lives and watching them grow up and all. I guess that's the way it has to be. Till I figure this out.

Steve McGarrett:
What's in the bag?

Danny:
Those doughnut-looking things they sell around the block.

McGarrett:
Malasadas?

Danny:
Yeah, whatever. They're fried and they taste good. You want one?

McGarrett:
No. Not without bypass surgery.

McGarrett:
Book ’em, Danno.

Danny:
Really? I mean is that gonna be a thing now?

McGarrett:
You don’t like it?

Danny:
I don’t like it.

McGarrett:
I think it’s catchy.

McGarrett:
[observes Kono yelling at the referee, to Chin] Ah, glad she's on our team.

Chin:
No, she's just getting warmed up.

[Kono meets up with Sid]

Sid:
What do you need, cuz? You said it was urgent.

Kono:
There's a rolling casino tonight. Can you get us in?

Sid:
They said I was working security detail for something.

Kono:
Then will you do it?

Sid:
You're putting me in a tough spot, kid. If this thing goes south, I risk compromising my investigation.

Kono:
I wouldn't be asking you to do this if I didn't think that we had a real shot at ending this gang war.

Sid:
I'll help you, but I don't want anything to do with Chin Ho. [walks to surfboard]

Kono:
That's cold, brah. That is still family.

Sid:
[at Kono's remark] You think I wanna feel this way? We were boys, me and Chin. I thought I knew him.

Kono:
You do know him.

Sid:
I know that what he did set me back with HPD. If I'm not the one volunteering for the hardest jobs, the one that nobody will take, they're gonna think I'm dirty too. You think I like living in a tenement, away from my wife and baby almost a year? That's what being related to Chin Ho did for me.

Kono:
Do you ever think for a second maybe he didn't do anything, that he was set up?

Sid:
All that matters are what the bosses think. And they took his badge away. To think anything else is career suicide.

Kono:
He protected you at the football field and this is how you pay him back?

Sid:
No, he thought I was a gangbanger and he let me go. What kind of cop does that?

Kono:
The kind who knows how to look after his family.

Sid:
I worry about you, Kono. You know those HPD guys, the one that you depend on for backup? Think they don't know who your cousin is?

Kono:
They're wrong about him and so are you. He's a good man.

Sid:
Listen, kid, if you want my help, you got it. But not Chin. End of story.

Kono:
He's not going undercover. Everyone knows him on the island. It's just me, McGarrett and Danny.

Sid:
I can probably get you in if you don't mind serving drinks. I don't know about the two haoles.

Kono:
They clean up nice. They can go as whales. Trust me.

[Danny is at Rachel's house to confront her over a petition to deny him visitation rights on Grace]

Danny:
[to gate intercom] Rachel, just hear me out, okay? Before you sic your lawyers on me and try to take Grace away from me, I wanna remind you of something. I moved 5,000 miles so that I could see Grace twice a week. Twice a week, okay? [reads from paper] That is 48 hours, 52 times a year, for a grand total of 2,500 hours and when you factor in sleep and school, I can really only count on about 400 hours of real face time each year. And, you know, it's only gonna shrink when she starts making friends, and then she goes off to college. [feels despondent] So ultimately, that does not leave me with a lot of time to spend with my daughter. Not as much as I would want, but I never complained. I never complained because every single one of those minutes reminds me of what I am doing and why I am here. That little girl is my life. So I'm asking you, I am begging you, Rachel, to please, please just be kind and don't take her away from me. That's all.

Househelp:
Uh, I will get Ms. Rachel for you, sir.

Man:
Detective Williams, this is Rachel's counsel.

Danny:
Yeah, will you put Rachel on, please?

Lawyer:
That won't be necessary.

Danny:
Don't tell me what's necessary. Just do what I tell you to do.

Lawyer:
Rachel's dropping the petition.

Danny:
She's what?

Lawyer:
She's decided not to fight you for visitation. [gate opens to let Danny in]

[Danny is getting his knee checked by the orthopedist]

Doctor:
Anything traumatic recently, with the knee?

Danny:
Yeah, actually. I got a new partner.

Doctor:
[amused] I was thinking more about a physical injury.

Danny:
No, no, this-this guy is like a physical injury, Doc. Ten minutes after meeting him, I get shot and blasted backwards through a window, okay? A few hours after that, he drives a car not joking onto the deck of a Chinese freighter ship. And, yes, I was in it. The car, not the ship.

Doctor:
He drove a car onto a boat?

Danny:
Yeah. He's an animal. And I sorta get the feeling that he's just getting warmed up.

Doctor:
Ouch.

Catherine:
[opens the door and is shocked to see Steve's sister Mary] Oh! Hi.

Mary:
[surprised] Yeah.

Catherine:
Um...Steve had to leave for work, and he told me I should just let myself out, so...um...you must be––

Mary:
The sister. I'm Mary. Yeah, I'm just visiting from L.A.. [smirks at Catherine] Big night last night.

Catherine:
Hmm?

Mary:
Old house. Thin walls.

Catherine:
[covers her face in embarrassment] Oh, God!

Mary:
[grins at Cath's reaction] Yeah. You said that a lot.

Catherine:
It's embarrassing.

Mary:
Don't sweat it. I just broke up with my boyfriend, so I plan on having a lot of guys over soon. So it'll be a fair fight.

[Steve is on the phone with Catherine and asked her to pull up a satellite image]

Steve:
Thanks, Cath.

Danny:
Oh, Catherine. I should've known. That's who you were getting right with last night.

Steve:
That's stunning detective work. Well done.

Danny:
[smirks at Steve's nonchalance] You know, it's amazing. Now, she catches bad guys for you and she sleeps with you. Does she cook, too?

Steve:
Yeah, she does. She's a great cook.

Danny:
So, uh, who are the Kapu?

Chin:
Part lifeguard, part unofficial security enforcer for the North Shore. Kinda like protectors for the island.

Danny:
Protecting the island from who? [McGarrett and Chin look at each other and then at Danny] Oh! The haoles. Protection from the haoles.

Steve:
[after listening to Danny rant and rave angrily and loudly] [deadpan] I'm so glad you're not a hothead. I would hate to work with someone like that.

[Steve and Danny are undercover as art collectors and see two security guards in the room]

Danny:
So, uh, just a question. If things go bad which one of these guys do you want?

Steve:
I'll take the ugly one.

Danny:
Oh, that's good. The both of them.

[Danny has the suspect tied to the front of his car and is driving haphazardly through the streets.]

Steve:
Just for the record. If I pulled something like this, you would be reading me the Riot Act about proper police procedure.

Danny:
No. I'd probably just arrest you.

[The suspect is banging the windshield and screaming.]

Steve:
When compared to this, hanging a guy off a roof and throwing a guy into a shark cage seems pretty tame.

Danny:
You know what, I disagree. I think the shark cage is way worse than this.

Steve:
Whatever. You're wrong. I'm just saying, to be clear, next time I get a free pass, ok?

Danny:
You look horrible, Sang Min.

Sang Min:
Been in solitary for thirty days. What's your excuse?

Danny:
Must be all the sunshine I'm getting on the outside.

Laura Hills:
You are to find Atwater's killer and assist in protecting General Pak and his family when they arrive.

Steve:
I'm sorry, did you say "assist"? Who am I assisting? Uh, this is–– [sees his former SEAL buddy Nick Taylor] No way! What's up, Bullfrog? [exchanges a hug with Nick]

Nick Taylor:
Smooth Dog.

Steve:
Been a while.

Nick:
It's been a long time, man.

Steve:
[to Danny] Uh, Nick, Nick served under me in the SEALs.

Nick:
Did three years in the 'Stan.

Danny:
The 'Stan? What is the 'Stan?

Steve:
Afghanistan.

[...]

Laura:
They hired Nick's firm to protect General Pak and his family.

Steve:
Of course they did.

Danny:
Wow. So you got genocide, ethnic cleansing. It's a great client you got.

Nick:
Well, you know, my team and I are here to do a job, just like you.

Danny:
No, no, not-not just like me. See, I'm a cop. I don't get to choose who I protect. You do, and you choose this animal, and I'm sure our pay grades, our rates are a little different.

[Steve notices a New Jersey postcard, but Danny had to bring up his old eating joints]

Steve:
Do you realize how much of your life revolves around food?

Danny:
Do you realize how much of your life revolves around armed conflict?

Steve:
Let me ask you a question: Where do people from New Jersey vacation?

Danny:
Um, I don't know. I-I would imagine they vacation all over the place.

Steve:
Okay. And you're you're aware the fact that perhaps many people from New Jersey vacation here in Hawaii?

Danny:
I'm sure some misguided people do, sure, yeah.

Steve:
Okay, good. And how many Hawaiians do you think vacation in New Jersey?

Danny:
I don't know.

Steve:
I can help you with that answer if you want. The answer is zero, Danny, because nobody here, except you, wants to be there, okay? Because aside from a couple of great singers, New Jersey doesn't exactly scream––

Danny:
[interrupts] Oh, oh..Whoa, a few great singers?!! Sinatra, Springsteen...

Steve:
Right.

Danny:
A few great sing––Jonathan Bon Jovi.

Steve:
I'm sorry, Bon Jovi?!

Danny:
Absolutely Bon Jovi.

Steve:
You serious?

Danny:
He's right up there. "You Give Love a Bad Name", "Wanted Dead or Alive"...

Steve:
Now you're giving me song titles.

Danny:
I'm giving you classic song titles!

Danny:
[after finding out Nick used to be Special Activities Division] I thought you guys were Navy SEALs?

Steve:
When you have certain specialties, you can be recruited into different units as needed.

Danny:
Are you gonna answer any one of my questions?

Steve:
What do you want to know?

Danny:
What was his specialty?

Steve:
It's classified information, Danny.

Danny:
Okay. What was your specialty?

Steve:
I can't tell you that either.

Danny:
Okay, please, you have done this before. Where was that? When exactly was that?

Steve:
[looks around uncomfortably] I worked the other side.

Danny:
The other side's a sniper rifle. Was that your specialty? [Steve does not reply and instead half-smiles at him]

[Having escaped assassination at the hands of Nick Taylor's team, Steve brings everybody to his house and asks General Pak why he came to the US]

General Pak:
Why do you think I brought my family here?

Steve :
I don't know. Because you're a mass murderer?

Pak:
My family's here because I'm seeking political asylum. That's why you couldn't postpone the trip.

Steve :
That's why everybody's trying to kill you.

Danny Williams:
Let me get this straight. So you commit all these horrible, horrible crimes, and then you come over to the United States, and you say, "Hey, I'd like to make a deal now. Please."

Pak:
I'm going to testify at the UN against a military junta and my chairman. I am going to admit to the world what I've done and pay for the crimes I've committed.

Steve:
Well, that's that's good, man. You should've told us, okay? Somebody should have told us.

Pak:
The information was too dangerous.

Steve:
That information is more dangerous if I don't have it! My entire team could have been killed. Not to mention your family.

Pak:
My testimony will end the war!! The suffering. You save me, and my family, and you save a country.

Kamekona:
Howzit, ma haole?

Danny:
[greets Kamekona] Baby Huey, it's good. [to Steve] What's the matter with you, huh? We got a situation. Where've you been? I’ve been calling you like you owe me money.

Steve:
What are you talking about? I didn't hear my phone.

Danny:
Called you like five, six times.

Steve:
I believe you. I didn't hear my phone, I left it right over here. [points to where Kamekona is sitting] Where's my phone? You see my phone?

Kamekona:
[pulls Steve's cellphone from under his butt] Oh. Oh sorry.

Danny:
You didn't feel that vibrating? Ever?

Kamekona:
Oh, that's what it was.

[The GPS leads the Five-O team to the harbor]

Kono:
Anyone up for a swim?

Chin:
Ah, forgot to bring my board shorts.

Danny:
Looks like the rookie is going swimming.

Steve:
I'll go in with you.

Danny:
Very nice of you.

Steve:
Sure you don't want to come for a swim?

Danny:
No, you go ahead, uh with your pants. I'll just be here with a dry towel.

Danny:
What are the odds, huh? Guy gets a bullet in the dome, goes through four hours of brain surgery, and he survives, yet 150 people die every year from falling coconuts. It's a fact. I read it online.

Steve:
What, so now you're not going to let Grace go near coconut trees?

Danny:
Not without a helmet, I'm not.

Steve:
Looks like our guys are dopers.

Danny:
What? What does that mean?

Steve:
You draw a pint of your own blood, your store it in the fridge, and then you reinject it days later.

Kono:
Why, what for?

Steve:
Increases your red cell count and it allows your muscles to work harder for up to 12 hours. Some SEALs in Coronado would do it before their underwater drills.

Kono:
Kinda like an all-natural steroid.

Danny:
Yeah, for vampires.

Steve:
Or ultra-endurance athletes.

[Chin and Steve are amused at the sight of Danny using a laptop with Hello Kitty stickers on it.]

Steve:
Okay, how are you going there, Kitty?

Danny:
Not good.

Chin:
Is that how they do it in Jersey?

Danny:
No, it's not how they do it in Jersey. This is Grace's computer. It's the only one Rachel could give me.

Chin:
First rule of spearfishing is you kill what you eat, you eat what you kill.

Steve:
[looks at the fish he caught, laughs] Guess what's for lunch today?

[Kono and Chin walk into Max's office and see him tuning his piano.]

Kono:
Sounds like he's torturing a walrus.

Danny:
[discussing the serial killer's MO] The newlywed killer. Someone should just tell this guy that if people stay married long enough, they just kill each other.

Danny:
My tree is small. It’s depressing. It’s pathetic.

McGarrett:
It’s perfect. It’s just like your apartment.

Danny:
[hands Steve an ice pack] Ice, for your head.

Steve:
I'm fine.

Danny:
Don't be a tough guy, okay? I've been popped with a stun gun before, it's no fun. Ice helps.

Kono:
[curiously] You've been stun gunned?

Danny:
Yes, I've been stunned. Hoboken, Halloween '02. It's a long story I don't want to tell you right now. [turns back to Steve] How many guys were there?

Steve:
Three.

Danny:
Three. Okay, good, 'cause I was wondering how one little burglar comes in and takes advantage of a Navy SEAL.

[Steve is frantically calling his sister Mary but she is not answering]

Steve:
Something's wrong.

Danny:
Do me a favor, please. Will you not go there? Okay? You don't know anything. Maybe she went out last night. Maybe she got a little goofy, she's sleeping it off. And let me be honest about something, if, first thing in the morning, I see your face pop on my phone, I might not answer it either.

Steve:
Mamo lived in our old neighborhood when Mary and I were just kids. He's the one who taught us how to surf. Guy's been a beach boy since the days of Duke Kahanamoku.

Danny:
Beach Boy, huh? You know, I've heard of, um, Mike Love, Brian Wilson, but I've never heard of Mamo the Beach Boy.

Steve:
Yeah, different beach boys, Danny. They were locals who set up shop in Waikiki to teach people how to surf.

Steve:
You know, I never would've left the Island, I never would've joined the Navy or missed every holiday, every birthday, half of Mary's life. The day that car exploded, it made me who I am. Danny, I can't just let it go.

Danny:
I'm not asking you to let it go. I want to get these guys as bad as you do.

Steve:
So what about Han-Chi? Where does he fit in all this?

Nicole:
Who?

Danny:
"Who"? What are you, an owl?

[After closing the case, Steve and Danny are watching CHiPs in the office.]

Danny:
Estrada was a bad bitch, man.

Steve:
Yup. That's why there's no way.

Danny:
Wait a minute. Why can't I be Estrada?

Steve:
In a world where I didn't exist, you could be whatever you want.

Danny:
That world sounds lovely.

[Danny finds out that Steve has found someone to babysit Grace and it turns out to be Kamekona]

Kamekona:
Howzit, bruddah? I hear you got a high-priority assignment for me.

Danny:
High-pri––Yeah. [looks at Steve] Are you sure this is a good idea?

Steve:
He looked after my sister.

Danny:
Yeah, I know, and your sister ran away.

Steve:
Hey.

Kamekona:
That's bulai, brah. She tricked me. Playing on my emotional vulnerabilities.

Steve:
That part's true.

Danny:
Shut up, you.

Kamekona:
And besides, I'm great with keikis. I got this.

[Steve gets a call from Mamo 'Kahike]

Steve McGarrett:
Mamo, what's up?

Mamo 'Kahike:
Bro, you gotta get these cops off my back. They want me to board up and get off the beach.

McGarrett:
Just do as they say, Mamo, okay? There's a tsunami coming. It's not safe to be on the beach.

Mamo:
Steve, I was here in '60, '64 and '75. I seen them all. I know the water. There's no tsunami in here today.

McGarrett:
Okay, listen, I hear you, but you gotta get out of there just in case.

Mamo:
Okay, bro, but I'm telling you, somebody's blowing smoke up somebody's okole'.

McGarrett:
Just be safe, Mamo.

Steve:
Is there a relay station that the signal passes through or any place that could compromise the signal?

Sheldon Tunney No. It's a clean feed from GOES 11 to us. [his pager starts beeping] Oh! You'll have to excuse me.

Steve:
Okay, thank you. You've been very helpful.

Danny:
How was that helpful?

Steve:
You just be quiet for a second, okay? So the adults can think.

[Danny has a face-to-face with Hawaii Housing Commissioner Bruce Hoffmann after Stan comes clean about the circumstances behind a carjack of Rachel's car]

Danny:
I'm Detective Danny Williams. I am also the father of that little girl that was in the Mercedes that you had carjacked this morning, sending a message to Stan Edwards. I have the tapes now. He doesn't have them anymore. I'm going to ask you a question. What do you think would happen if those tapes got out? Huh?

Bruce Hoffmann:
Look, look. I-I don't know anything about what you're talking about, Detective Williams.

Danny:
[shoves Hoffmann onto a wall and stamps badge on his forehead] Williams. You can get my badge number off your forehead. I have those tapes, and will expose you, and if you ever, ever put a gun in the same zip code as my daughter, I swear to God, I will kill you. You understand?

Danny:
[sees Kamekona in a tracksuit] When did you start jogging?

Kamekona:
I'm in training, brah.

Danny:
Did he just say he's in a training bra?

Steve:
No, he...

Danny:
Very funny.

Kamekona:
I'm training for a sumo competition.

Danny:
Oh. Sumo.

Steve:
Sumo.

Danny:
Shouldn't you be, uh, wearing a diaper? Big diaper? Something like that?

Kamekona:
It's called a mawashi, brah. Lip off to me one more time, I'll give you a personal introduction to the sport.

Danny:
I like my odds. Bring it.

[Steve is surprised that Kamekona is serving him breakfast]

Steve:
Kamekona, what are you doing here?

Kamekona:
Came to cook you breakfast.

Steve:
Okay, let me rephrase that: What are you doing in my house?

Kamekona:
Kukui High versus McKinley's semi-final game. We bet. I lost. Okay, that was a joke, brah.

Steve:
Oh, no joke, brother.

Kamekona:
Kamekona no welch. Had that little punk made his free throws, you would've been taking me to the water park this weekend. Instead, I gotta serve as your personal chef the whole week. First up, spam. Potato frittatas and spam fried rice.

Steve:
Okay, so everything you're going to cook for me this week, is it going to have Spam in it?

Kamekona:
Of course. It's the Hawaiian steak, the nectar of the islands.

Steve:
Do you know what's in Spam? I'll tell you. It's processed pork parts, salt, and meat stock.

Kamekona:
That's what give 'em the glaze. Taste.

Steve:
[avoids him] I don't want to taste.

Danny:
I'm going to talk to these models.

Steve:
Okay, well, just stay with questions that relate to the case, all right?

Danny:
What is that supposed to mean?

Steve:
What it means is I know you. I'm just saying stick to the case.

Danny:
[protests] Hey, hey, they're just women.

Chin:
Who happen to be insanely hot and make millions of dollars.

Danny:
[feigns innocence] I didn't know either of those things.

[Kono, Steve and Chin all grin at him]

Steve:
Why is a fashion photographer sending coded texts? All right...you know what? I'm going to send this to Catherine. She can have the, uh, the boys in intel run it through–

Danny:
[interrupts Steve] Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Steve:
What?

Danny:
It's not coded texts. Okay? No need for your little Ramboette. Okay, this is not your, uh, cloak and dagger spook speak. This is Danny's world.

[Marcum's thugs pull up at Kamekona's shave ice stand while Danny and Steve lie in wait for them.]

Thug:
So, Kamekona, what's this about you not wanting to pay Marcum? You play dumb? Answer me. You like getting lickins?

Danny:
I'm sorry. I just overheard...did you say "lickings"? You know how difficult it is to sound like a tough guy when you use a word like "lickings"? You should try "beatings". Like, "I'm gonna give you a beating". It works, trust me, on a lot of different levels.

Kamekona:
You know, Gracie, when I was a little keiki like you, my mama used to bring me this chicken every time I was sick.

Grace Williams:
Fried chicken isn't good for you. It has cholesterol and causes heart disease.

Kamekona:
Nah, a little bit of grease is good for you. Helps the insides stay lubricated.

[Danny witnesses Chin Ho and the HPD officers bring McGarrett out of the Governor's Mansion]

Danny:
Hey! What the hell are you doing? What happened? Huh?

Steve McGarrett:
The governor's dead.

Danny:
What are you talking about?

Steve:
It was Wo Fat. You understand? It was Wo Fat, Danny.

Danny:
Let him go. Let him go.

Chin Ho:
He was the only one there. His gun was just discharged. I can't let him go.

Danny:
Yes, you can. We have jurisdiction. We're Five-0. Get him out.

Chin Ho:
You don't understand, Danny. There is no Five-0 anymore.