Phineas and Ferb, Season 4

Candace:
So when all the members of the offending team clear the defensive zone at the same time, the delayed offset call is negated.

Jeremy:
Wow, you really do know hockey.

Candace:
Are you kidding? Did you know a referee makes most penalty calls-

Stacy:
[talking into a microphone connected to Candace's headset] While the linesmen may call only obvious technical infractions- [To Ginger] Go away.

Candace:
Obvious technical infractions- go away. The player who committed the infraction is- no give me that. No Ginger, I'm busy. I said give me that back. If you don't give that back to me right now- Candace, gotta go. [Candace smiles nervously after realizing what she said]

Candace:
'Scuse me, I gotta get through here.

Luc Robitaille:
Woah woah woah! You're not allowed out there.

Candace:
But I gotta go get my mom! This is a shortcut to the gift shop!

Luc Robitaille:
I'm sorry. You can't go out there. That's for players only.

Candace:
Players, huh?

Luc Robitaille:
You're gonna go get a uniform and try to get out there, aren't you?

Candace:
Is that a problem?

Luc Robitaille:
No, as long as we're clear on the concept.

Old woman:
If those were my boys, they'd be so busted.

Candace:
Please, adopt me now! AUGH!!!

Candace:
[standing with Jeremy on a balcony, watching the fireworks] You know, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to keep this resolution.

Jeremy:
That's okay. I like you just the way you are. Happy New Year, Candace.

Candace:
Happy New Year, Jeremy. [they kiss; fireworks go off reading "HAPPY NEW YEAR"]

Phineas:
Actually, instead of improving one of our old inventions, we should make something brand new! Something simple.

Phineas:
Well, what is summer all about?

Buford, Baljeet, Isabella:
[singing "Summer (Where Do We Begin?)"] ♪ Summer is running through the sprinklers in your T-shirt, shoes, and... ♪

Phineas:
Yeah, we all know the song. But I'm not exactly sure how....

[Phineas and Ferb's Giant Tire Swing flies by a space shuttle]

Astronaut:
Whoa! That is so weird! We're in a space shuttle and the shuttle program ended years ago!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
It's the best Inator I've ever made! And you know what, Perry the Platypus? There's no self-destruct button on this, so there's no way you can stop me from taking over the entire Tri-State-

[Phineas and Ferb's tire swing lands on the Inator]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Wow. Well, like my Uncle Boris used to say: "When life's going well, a giant tire comes along and smashes your Inator." We all thought he was crazy at the time, but now he seems rather prophetic.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Wait, no, no! Don't open the door; you'll let in Perry the Platypus!

Vanessa:
You know he'll just blow the door down if you don't open it. [opens door revealing Perry holding a bazooka] Come in, Perry. Toodles!

Doofenshmirtz:
I'm worried about her, Perry the Platypus. [turns his head to Perry] Hey! You were going to to blow down my door! [Perry puts the bazooka down gently, but accidentally blows up Doofenshmirtz's wall by mistake, much to Doofenshmirtz's anger and to Perry's embarrassment]

Vivian Garcia-Shapiro:
¡Hola, Candace! Ooh, don't you look lovely!

Candace:
Thank you, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro!

Mrs. Johnson:
Jeremy'll be along in a minute, honey!

Vivian:
Is your mother ready?

Candace:
She'll be right out.

[Linda comes out skating her way down]

Linda:
All set! See ya there, Candace! Okay, ladies, here I come! [She skates away] There I go! Ha ha! Sorry! Can't stop. FOLLOW MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....

Mrs. Johnson:
Step on it, Vivian, she's getting away! [They drive off]

Candace:
And now, I must leave. My public awaits.

Stacy:
Yeah, and I must go be famous by association. Yeeha!

Phineas:
And to think, we knew Stacy before she was famous by association.

[Agents Perry and Lyla confront Doofenshmirtz inside a U.S.-Canada train]

Lyla:
You gonna eat those fries?

Doofenshmirtz:
Don't touch! Anyway, I've got a little math quiz for the both of you. If a train carrying Precious Albert the Moose left British Columbia at eight o'clock in the morning, going 80 miles per hour, what time would it arrive at the Canada Day celebration? Answer? Never! Because I've tied up the conductor, and taken control of the train using my remote control Train-Operator-inator! Right now we are all headed to my scheme exchange partner's secret fortress. [Lyla reaches for the fries again] Hey cut it out, those are mine. Seriously, I can get the waiter over here if you want to order own, but please?

Lyla:
This evil exchange partner of yours, what his name?

Doofenshmirtz:
I think his name was Sir Railing, or Doctor Stairway, or something.

Lyla:
Professor Bannister! Of course, my arch-nemesis. Can I put some gravy on those?

Doofenshmirtz:
Seriously, leave my lunch alone. Anyway, after Professor Banister gets the moose, it's going to ruin Canada Day, or you know, whatever. Crazy, right?

Lyla:
You know what's really crazy? How good these fries are.

Doofenshmirtz:
I am not kidding, leave those alone. I just don't understand it, why do you take my lunch, when you're in the dining car you can have your own lunch. Oh, it makes me crazy when people pick at my food. [Lyla winks at Perry, and Perry understands] Seriously, why is your hand out like that? I am seriously going to lose it. [Perry joins in taking more fries] Aw, now you're both doing it?! Stop it! Stop it! Aah! Oh no, not even taking them but just squishing them! I can't take it! [Stands up angrily on the table] GET YOUR OWN LUNCH!! [Everyone on the train silently looks at Doofenshmirtz for a long pauses out]

Woman:
That man is causing such a scene, it makes me feel free to break up with you in a VERY LOUD MANNER!

[Everybody in the car begins screaming and yelling]

Waiter:
I can't stand being a waiter!

Man:
Excuse me, conductor? [Doofenshmirtz walks over] You know the train doesn't seem to be stopping at any of the scheduled stations.

Doofenshmirtz:
Is that a fact? My apologies, straphanger. Wait, which one was your stop?

Man:
The next one.

Doofenshmirtz:
Oh, don't be concerned, step right this way. [The Man and Doofenshmirtz are standing at a door] So, your wife cooking dinner tonight?

Man:
Oh, yes. We're having asparagus tips.

Doofenshmirtz:
Asparagus tips, very classy. What's the entrée?

Man:
Nova Scotia salmon.

Doofenshmirtz:
Mmm-mmm! Delish. Here's you station! [literally kicks man off the train] Say "hi" to your wife for me.

Man:
[tumbles across a field, through a playground, and into his house]

Wife:
Well, someone's home early.

Man:
The conductor says "hi".

Doofenshmirtz:
Oh, I see, a waterfall. Just in time for commercial. Isn't that convenient. [Both Doofenshmirtz and Perry go over the waterfall and start falling] What's that about, anyway? It's not a cliff-faller, it's called a cliff-hanger, and here we are, falling, and-watch watch watch, here we go, wait, look, yup yup see? There you go! Fading to black! [Scene fades to black]

Carl:
Major Monogram?

Major Monogram:
Yes, Carl?

Carl:
I-I want you to meet my cousin Larry.

Major Monogram:
W-W-W-Wait! You got out of the vent, found your cousin, and brought him back in here?

Carl:
Well I didn't have to find him, we had a lunch date. He was waiting for me-

Major Monogram:
Why on earth would you bring him back into the vent?!

Carl:
Cause I wanted you to meet him!

Larry:
Plus I really like vents.

Major Monogram:
Mutual, I'm sure.

Liam:
[pinning down Perry with his boot] AHA! GOTCHA! [puts on Perry's fedora] My greatest hunt ever ENDS RIGHT HERE!

Doofenshmirtz:
Stop what you're doing, McCracken! STEP AWAY FROM THE PLATYPUS!

Liam:
Doofenshmirtz!

Doofenshmirtz:
I like you to meet my ladies. [two old groundkeepers arrive at his side] Ruth and Esther!

Liam:
[scoffs] Docents. [Ruth angrily points to a "Keep Off the Grass' sign which Liam is standing next to] Aw, not again! [throwing the fedora back to Perry] I'll be right be back! I know how to hand these ladies. [to the ladies] Uh... the sign must've been installed... I've never seen it before.

Ruth:
Nice try, Liam, but this is you third infraction as of many weeks! Hand over your membership card!

Liam:
What?! Let's not get crazy now! [turns in his card]

Ruth:
All of your gardening privileges have been revoked for ten days! Esther will escort you off the grounds!

[Esther bring in a wheelchair for Liam to sit in]

Liam:
But I can't leave. It's my natural habitat!

Ruth:
Your file says you're from Pittsburgh!

Liam:
[speaking in an American accent] But it's not my fault! It's HIM! [points to Perry] It's the platypus you want!

[Ruth and Esther spot Perry, and Liam's wheelchair starts to roll down the hill, taking a screaming Liam with it]

Ruth:
Aw, how cute he is. What a handsome platypus.

Red:
Later that day, to make their escape, those boys crawled through 500 yards of foul-smelling nastiness I can't even imagine. 500 yards. That's the length of 11 baseball diamonds, one tennis court, a medium-sized male elephant, and a croquet wicket. It wasn't long before they found everything that they needed.

Phineas:
Great! Let's hurry up and put this thing together.

Baljeet:
But if we do the mind swap here, those criminals will still be out of jail.

Phineas:
You're right! I hadn't thought of that.

Red:
So even later that day, those boys crawled back through 500 yards of foul-smelling nastiness that I-

Baljeet:
Actually, it is not as bad as you would think.

Buford:
Yeah! Gunge is actually quite refreshing!

Red:
Oh. Well, it was still 500 yards. That's the length of two volleyball courts, a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier, a large three-drawer filing cabinet, three French-

Buford:
We're not listening anymore!

Red:
Oh. Okay, then.

Major Monogram:
Don't worry, Kelly. I am totally down for being second banana.

Doofenshmirtz:
Well, first of all, that's a little sad. But, second of all, technically, you would be third banana. It would go: Kelly, and then me, and then you. And, ih, I would be second banana.

Kelly Osbourne:
Nobody is a banana, because there are no bananas!

Major Monogram:
Yes, we have no bananas!

Kelly Osbourne:
[Seeing Doofenshmirtz and Monogram dressed up like her] Now I know what I would look like if I had middle-aged male clones!

Phineas:
Okay, gang. Today, we're gonna tie a legendary knot.

Buford:
Woah woah woah! We're just startin'?! No—no intro, nothin'?! Just gettin' right into it?

Phineas:
Yep, we're just doin' the knot.

Buford:
Wait, how can we do somethin' not?

Phineas:
No, it's "knot" spelled with a "k".

Buford:
I didn't think it was spelled with a "k".

Phineas:
No. It's "knot".....spelled with a "k".

Buford:
I don't understand your pauses.

Phineas:
Gentlemen and gentlemen, we present to you the Chupa-Copter!

Buford and Baljeet:
Wow! Right on! Etcetera.

Ferb:
Well, I guess perhaps the universe wants some things left unphotographed. Like chupacabras, or group photos where everyone has their eyes open.

Phineas:
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, babies and slightly smaller babies, welcome to the Phineas and Ferb Ultimate Obstacle Course! The first team that makes it all the way to the end (you know, alive and stuff) will win this nifty trophy! So are you ready to get muddy?

Candace:
That tears it! Those two are so—

Stacy:
Hang on, Candace! We can win this!

Candace:
Yeah, we ca—Wait, what?

Stacy:
I want that trophy!

Candace:
Why?

[Cutaway to Dr. Hirano with Ginger putting up a trophy on display as Stacy watches]

Dr. Hirano:
Very good, Ginger. We'll put it up here with the rest of your awards. I'm...still saving a place for your trophy, Stacy. You know, just in case.

Stacy:
Uh...

[Cut back to Stacy and Candace]

Stacy:
...Uh... Candace, we'd make an awesome team!

Candace:
Alright, I'll do it!

Stacy:
For the trophy!

Candace:
And for whatever it was you were thinking about just now.

Phineas:
[as the doorbell rings] Ferb, are you expecting someone?

Ferb:
[opens the front door, revealing the Avengers standing there in the doorway] Not them.

[Act 2; in the kitchen…]

Spider-Man:
Aren't you a little young to be stealing superheroes' superpowers?

Phineas:
Yes. Yes, we would be, Spider-Man, if we actually did it. But like I said, I don't think we did.

Iron Man:
You can't see it, but I have a rather severe look of disappointment on my face.

Isabella:
[puts a juice box in his mouth] This'll turn that tin frown upside-down!

Thor:
Juice-in-a-box? We have nothing like this in Asgard.

Hulk:
[grunting while having trouble putting the straw in the juice box] Straw cannot penetrate!

Spider-Man:
Hey, hey, hey! Calm blue ocean. Let me take care of that for ya, buddy.

Iron Man:
Thanks, Isabella. Well, the power-siphoning ray originated from the Tri-State Area. And I was thinking you guys would know something about it since it bounced off your space station.

Phineas:
Are you sure it was our space station?

Hulk:
It was shaped like your head.

Phineas:
Well, that sounds like ours, but we don't know anything about a power-siphoning ray.

Iron Man:
I was afraid of that. Well, the first thing we gotta do is get our powers back.

Phineas:
Ferb, I know what we're gonna d—

Candace:
[coming downstairs] Alright, boys and girls, listen up, Mom's on a walking tour of Danville and Dad's tinkering in the basement, so I'm in charge. That means no shenanigans! Hey, Spider-Man. So I'll be over at Stacy's all... d-d-d-daaay?!

Spider-Man:
'Sup?

Thor:
Greetings, fair young maiden!

Candace:
It's super...heroes...in...duh...our...kitchen!

Isabella:
Candace is gonna lie down for a while. [leads Candace out of the kitchen and back to her bedroom] That's it. Just breathe. They're only superheroes.

Phineas:
Looks like you guys have a fan.

Iron Man:
Oh, boy. [tips over]

Thor:
And it's probably good she didn't see that.

Iron Man:
I'm okay.

Major Monogram:
Monty, is that you?! With the daughter of my sworn enemy?! It can't be! [Walks up to the Pimpernel next to Vanessa] Alright, Monty, you've got a lot of explaining to—

Stacy:
Oh, hello, Mr. Water and Power Guy.

Major Monogram:
I, uh, better check the...uh...thing. Yes. [leaves]

Vanessa:
Thanks, Stacy! I owe you!

Stacy:
No thanks are necessary for that darned elusive Pimpernel.

Vanessa:
This is a big night for me, my boyfriend's coming. Oh, here he is right now. [Jeremy, dressed as a Scarlet Pimpernel enters]

Jeremy:
Ooh, a vampire! It's a good thing I have my neck covered.

Vanessa:
You're not my boyfriend!

Jeremy:
Whoops. Heh heh. Sorry, I thought you were my—

Candace:
Jeremy, it's me, Candace!

Jeremy:
Ooh, a vampire! It's a good thing I have my—

Candace:
Yeah, heard you the first time.

Hipster Guy:
Excuse me?

Mr. Macabre:
What?

Hipster Guy:
Can I get a free-range organic grilled cheese slider?

Mr. Macbre:
This isn't a food truck, you baboon. It's a Macabre Book Mobile.

Hipster Guy:
Yeah, I'm totally giving you a bad review.

Mr. Macabre:
May the ancient moths of Sumeria feast upon your skinny jeans! [his phone buzzes] One star? Man, that burns.

Candace:
So what does your father do here?

Jeremy:
Oh, he's part of a team that makes and manages recognizant satellites. They actually had a couple of rovers on Mars earlier this summer. But they suddenly stopped working. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

Candace:
[nervously] Uh, how would I...heh heh...what do you mean? Heh heh.

Jeremy:
All right...Your Highness.

Candace:
[gasp] Who told?

Jeremy:
Stacy.

[Doofenshmirtz is hiding in the balcony while Norm is stuck on a wall thanks to a giant bat inside Doofenshmirtz's laboratory]

Vanessa:
Dad?

Doofenshmirtz:
Vanessa? Oh no. [crawls inside back to the lab] Vanessa! GET OUTTA THERE! There's a huge bat on the loose!

Vanessa:
Really? [sees the giant bat shrieking at her] WHOA! Cool! It looks like your cousin Narthelliot.

Doofenshmirtz:
No sudden movements or loud noises, Vanessa.

Vanessa:
Dad, relax. It's just a bat. They just eat bugs.

Doofenshmirtz:
But it's a very big bat.

Vanessa:
Now c'mon. [gets Doofenshmirtz to stand up] Just stand up. It's okay. It's time to face your fear.

Doofenshmirtz:
[sighs] Well, okay. [the giant bat grabs him with its mouth]

Vanessa:
[shocked by this and angrily pounds the bat's underbelly] Oh NO, NO, NO! Bad bat! SPIT HIM OUT!

Rodrigo:
Hmm. Let's see, the bats to secret. [Vanessa crying] Oh, don't cry. They're like you.

Phineas:
Isabella, you've been awfully quiet all day.

Ferb:
Welcome to Ferbland.

[Zoom into Ferb's mind, where it is revealed to be populated by himself and giant versions of his head)

Ferb head #1:
Yes, the universe is constantly expanding.

Ferb head #2:
But what is it expanding into?

Ferb heads:
Ooh...

Ferb head #3:
Okay, now my mind is blown.

Candace:
[to Stacy, referring to Jeremy] Remember those days when I was always panicking about what he thought or what he wouldn't like?

Stacy:
Isn't this the same Candace who sat under Jeremy's window just to make sure he wasn't whispering other girls' names in his sleep?

Candace:
Ancient history.

Stacy:
Uh, that was yesterday.

Irving:
Sir, it's the old Evil Scientist Alert System! It's showing "-inator" activity on a Doctor... Dooferd...

Commander Carl:
Doofenshmirtz? Great googly moogly! I thought he'd given up his evil ways when we placed him as a high school science teacher. It's too bad Monogram isn't around to see this.

Irving:
Well, sir, he's gone to a better place.

Commander Carl:
Yeah. [self-reflecting as the music starts to fade] Oh what the heck, I'm calling him!

Monogram:
[responds to the telephone call while relaxing] Monogram...

Commander Carl:
How've you been, sir?

Monogram:
Carl! I'm great. Bora Bora really is a better place. How have you been, man?

Commander Carl:
I've been well. Guess who's just set off the "-inator" alert?

Monogram:
Doofenshmirtz?

Commander Carl:
Yeah.

Monogram:
[chuckles on the news] Just like old times. Well, tell him "Hi" from me.

Commander Carl:
Of course!

Phineas:
[referring to his and Isabella's childhood and their wasted chances, in song] And now our endless summer is finally coming to an end;

I tried to make the most of every day, but now the years just seem mis-spent…

What might have been?

Phineas:
[walks towards Isabella] Watcha doin'? Hehe... [Isabella then smiles at him] Is this step taken? [referring to the steps at Phineas' house where Isabella is sitting]

Isabella:
[allows Phineas to sit beside her] I actually came by to say goodbye to you.

Phineas:
Off to school, huh.

Isabella:
Yeah, I'm going two weeks early because I'm an RA, and in soccer, debate camp, student government.

Phineas:
Yeah. I haven't seen you all summer.

Isabella:
I've been busy. [Isabella pauses]

Phineas:
You know, Baljeet said something funny. He said you had a crush on me back in grade school.

Isabella:
Oh! Yeah, I had a big crush on you.

Phineas:
Well, I had no idea.

Isabella:
Really? I thought I was being so obvious.

Phineas:
Absolutely clueless. Sorry. [Phineas pauses]

Isabella:
I sort of gave up when we got to high school.

Phineas:
Yeah. I think that's when I started having a thing for you.

Isabella:
Well, that's unfortunate timing.

Phineas:
Yep. You're off to college.

Isabella:
Tri-State State. Have you decided where you're going yet?

Phineas:
[Phineas brought out two acceptance letters he saved] You know what, I just did.

Isabella:
[Isabella glances at an acceptance letter from Danville U] Oh, huh.

Phineas:
Hey, what's wro-? [retrieves Danville U's acceptance letter from Isabella] Oh shoot! I'm sorry, heh, wrong letter. [passes Tri-State State's acceptance letter to Isabella]

Isabella:
Well, I guess I'll be seeing you in two weeks.

Phineas:
Yes, yes you will.

Gretchen:
Katie, bar the door.

Gretchen:
Is she back yet?

Holly:
No sign of her. We searched everywhere.

Milly:
Where could she be?

Gretchen:
She’s probably still with Phineas and Ferb. She’ll make it.

Adyson:
Perimeter alert! We have incoming!

Gretchen:
Stations everyone. Put out that light. Katie?

Katie:
Yep. Friend or Pharmacist?

Phineas:
It’s us. Let us in!

Adyson:
It’s Phineas and Ferb!

[Irving works as a new intern at the OWCA headquarters, taking over from now Commander Carl, heard a beeping sound and wipes the dust covering Dr. Doofenshmirtz's picture in the Evil Scientist Alert System.]:

[Phineas arrives at Isabella's house. As the delivery truck moves away, Isabella is seen sitting down at the steps at Phineas' house. The two eventually looked at each other for a moment.]:

[The two then briefly paused as they both looked at each other when Isabella realized something.]:

Candace:
And I know what I’m gonna do today, bust you guys once and for all do your worst or your best, just make it big and bustable so I can show mom.

Phineas:
Wow, that was awfully supportive, and you said Candace was in the morning person.

Candace:
This is it, Candace. The last day of summer vacation. You’re last chance to bust the…

Candace:
Why do we have this many… wheeled objects lying around the houses?