Psycho Series

[First Lines of Series]

Jeffrey:
This thing's zoomed? Oh, there okay. Fucking stupid thing, alright... So my little brother Jesse is playing XBox on my Dad's TV. And this is like one of those things where nobody is allowed to touch his TV. Every time my Dad catches one of us on there, he flips the fuck out. Last I heard, my Dad shot me a text five minutes ago saying he'll be home in five minutes. So he should be home any second. This will be fucking funny.

Jesse:
I just fucking love my family. We have here a broken XBox from two Christmases ago thanks to my asshole father. There's $250 down the drain and this fucking bag of tricks is my broken $900 camera and my $150 shotgun mike which... I mean, I scraped to get enough money to get a replacement. But still, I was made a fucking laughing stock of all my friends and on YouTube. So it's time to get revenge on these fuckers. I can't stay in this house anymore.

Jesse:
DAD! Dad! That's my XBox that you broke!

Jeffery:
The fuck's going on here?

Jeff:
Where did you get it from?

Jesse:
I mean I fixed it today!

Jeff:
Yeah, but you were supposed to do job interviews too, weren't you?

Jesse:
Yeah, yeah! Look at what I'm wearing! I did do it! I applied! And now I can play video games because I have a job.

Jeff:
Where did you get the money for it?

Jesse:
I have money! Birthdays, Christmas.

Jeff:
Yeah, that doesn't count! I know you're out of money. Where did you get the money?

Jesse:
Mom!

Jeff:
Your mother?!

Jesse:
Mom gives me money!

Jeff:
Your mother gave you it?! [throws the XBox through the back window of Jesse's car.]

Jesse:
DAD! DAD! HOLY SHIT!

Jeffery:
Holy fuck! Holy shit!

Jesse:
DAD! Now how am I going to go to work huh?! How the fuck am I going to go to work?!

Jeffery:
Holy shit.

Jesse:
[sees Jeffery] Are you-- OH, GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Dad does this... [Jeff starts smashing the windows of the car with a pipe.] HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK?!

Jeffery:
Oh my god!

Jesse:
DAD! [does mating call]

[Jeffery sees that Jesse has taken the Christmas tree outside]

Jeffery:
Oh well, this is just overdramatic. [Sees Jesse with a can of lighter fluid] What are you doing?

Jesse:
You always gotta be filming! [starts squirting lighter fluid on the tree.]

Jeffery:
Wait, are you serious?!

Jesse:
Yes, I'm serious!

Jeffery:
Jesse, you should not be doing that.

Jesse:
Enjoy the home video for Christmas!

Jeffery:
Jesse, this is not the right way.

Jesse:
[squirts lighter fluid at Jeffery] Yeah, you want some on you?! You want to catch aflame?!

Jeffery:
Jesus Christ, dude! Dude, calm down. There's no going back if you do this.

Jesse:
Look, it is not fair that you get an XBox One that you didn't even ask for and I get nothing! NOTHING!!

Jeffery:
Jesse, Christmas isn't about just what you get.

Jesse:
Oh yeah?! You know how much it means to me! [takes a lighter to the tree]

Jeffery:
Are you really going to do that?

Jesse:
Yeah, yeah. This is meant... [sets the tree on fire]

Jeffery:
Ah, Jesus! Dude!

Jesse:
Yeah, screw this holiday! What does it even matter?! [Jeff and Terry come out]

Jeffery:
Oh, my god!

Jeff:
What the hell are you doing?!

Jesse:
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?!!

Jeff:
These games have fried your mind, haven't they?

Jesse:
What do you mean fried my mind?! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!

Jeffery:
Hey Jesse, thanks for the award.

Jesse:
What?!

Jeffery:
The award, the play button. You got it off my views.

Jesse:
Are you fucking kidding me?! GIVE ME THAT SHIT! [takes the play button from Jeffery]

Jeffery:
Jesus Christ!

Jesse:
I earned this! Not you!

Jeffery:
Yeah with my fucking videos!

Jesse:
No, no, it's my award!

Jeffery:
What do you think I'm doing right now?!

Jesse:
Screw you!

Jeffery:
I'm fucking filming more and you're going to benefit off this goddamn thing!

Jesse:
Oh what are you going to do about it huh?! What are you going to do?! [goes in his room and locks the door]

Jeffery:
Jesse, open the fucking door!

Jesse:
I ain't opening shit!

Jeffery:
GIVE IT BACK!!

Jesse:
I AIN'T OPENING SHIT!!

Kate:
Jeff, I am so fucking over this! You constantly give him so much shit for playing video games all the time, how much fucking better are you?! STOP FILMING HIM!! [slams door]

Jeffery:
Sorry.

Jesse:
Dad its bullshit! He's fucking filming me while I'm trying to do work! This is the whole problem!

Jeff:
[to Jeffery] Put that damn camera down! Jeez, I told you let it get in the way!

Jesse:
Look, you break one and he's got another one! It's bullshit!

Jeff:
Break one what?

Jesse:
The camera!

Jeff:
Well, what the hell? You brought it here!

Jesse:
It doesn't matter!

Jeff:
You brought it, remember you said something about it!

Jesse:
Look you brought him to do work and I'm the only one doing work!

Jeff:
You only had twelve bags of fertilzer to put on the truck!

Jesse:
Yeah and they're fifty pounds! You're standing here doing nothing!

Jeff:
That's right! I'm the boss!

Jesse:
Yeah and I'm what, your slave?!

Jeff:
You agreed to it!

Jesse:
[charges at Jeffery] YOU STOP FUCKING FILMING!! I'M TIRED OF IT! [Jeffery laughs] You're lucky!

Jeffery:
"Grrr, I'm steaming mad!"

Jesse:
You're so fucking lucky! Your dumb ass smirk behind the camera!

Jeff:
[depressed] I failed you. I failed you as a father. I wish I would've been better. I should've never showed you these video games. Look what it made you!

Jesse:
[shocked] What the fuck? Is that what you fucking say? That's the last thing you say to me? It's that the video games made me this way? The games?! No, Dad! It was you! You!! [angrily] YOU MADE ME THIS WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU MADE ME THIS WAY!!!!!!!!!!!