Sonny With a Chance, Season 2

Sonny:
(runs up to Tawni, Nico and Grady) You guys! You guys! Stop eating!

Nico:
Alright! Turn around! Let me see your butt!

Sonny:
(confused) What?

Sonny:
Hey Chad. Did you hear about my Walk-a-Thon for books?

Chad:
Oh yes, we did. And I have to say Sonny, you are very inspiring.

Sonny:
Well, we have so much. It's important that we give back.

Chad:
(laughs) Aah no, I meant you inspired me to have a Walk-a-Thon against your Walk-a-Thon.

Sonny:
(Pauses to look at the flyer Chad handed to her) A Walk-a-thon against books? How could you be against books?

Chad:
That's easy. The more you read, the less you watch MacKenzie Falls.

Sonny:
That's your cause, To get people to watch more TV?

Chad:
Are you not listening? It's to get them to read less. I'll see you at the Walk-a-Thon to read less books. (turns and turns back around) I've got something to tell you Sonny. We're gonna raise more money than you.

Sonny:
For what?

Chad:
To not buy books.

Sonny:
That doesn't even make sense!

Chad:
Aah. Guess all that reading you're doing isn't making you any smarter now, is it? See ya.

Chad:
We're gonna look hotter than you at the Walk-a-Thon.

Sonny:
(laughs) Giving back is what's hot!

Chad:
That's what people who don't look hot say.

Nico:
These pants are so skinny!

Nico:
Tawni's pants are squishing my gluttons maxmi moola!

Grady:
(stands up)I signed up for a Walk-a-Thon. Not to have my internal organs crushed by Tawni's jeans!

Sonny:
(walks out of the photo booth and trying to button her jeans) I want my mommy jeans back!

Grady:
This is impossible.

Sonny:
We have to make this work! The only way we can get Tawni to walk with us is for us to wear her jeans because her fans will see on TV us wearing her jeans which will raise money for more books and less money for no books and everybody wins except Chad!!!!!! Hey now that I got that out I can button my pants.

Grady:
Well good for you because I'm never getting these things on.

Nico:
Me neither.

Tawni:
(walks in) Yes you will. Thanks to the Tawni Hart Butt Horn.

News Reporter:
Chad, can I get a comment?

Chad:
Well-(screams) We win, suck-ahh!(falls down)

News Reporter:
Oh no! MacKenzie Falls is down too! What is happening?!

Sonny:
SPS is happening.

Chad:
Sonny! Sonny, come here! I need to tell you something, in case I don't make it.

Sonny:
Okay.

Chad:
I love...

Sonny:
Yes?

Chad:
I mean I deeply love..

Sonny:
Go on!

Chad:
...that more kids are reading less books because of Chad Dylan Cooper!

Sonny:
(lets go of Chad's hand and touches his forehead) Oh no! I think you're coming down with P.F.S. too!

Chad:
What's that!?

Sonny:
(picks up pillow) Pillow in the Face Syndrome! (hits Chad with pillow)

Doctor:
Ms. Monroe!

Sonny:
Yeah, just fluffing Doc! (throws pillow at Chad and walks over to the doctor)

Chad:
Give it to me straight, doc! I can take it.

Doctor:
You have L.B.S.

Chad:
(gasps) Leading Boy Syndrome?!

Doctor:
No. Lack of Book Syndrome! Also known as Lazy Butt Syndrome! LBS is also the abbreviation of pounds, (starts poking Chad), which is what you are going to gain if you don't stop watching yourself on T.V.

Chad:
Can't you just cut my pants off? You know how you do?

Doctor:
Read two books, then call me in the morning, Mr. Cooper. (hands Chad a prescription)

Chad:
(Looks at prescription) Actually it's Dylan Cooper.

Doctor:
Not anymore, I removed your Dylan while you were under.

Chad:
NO! What did you do to it?!

Doctor:
I gave it to someone who wouldn't waste it! (Opens curtains to reveal Grady)

Doctor:
Good afternoon, Mr. Grady Dylan Mitchell.

Grady:
Just got my Dylan. I've been waiting for 2 years!

Chad:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (cries) WHY?!

(Chad wakes up)

Chad:
I must have fallen asleep reading. Stupid books. That was horrible! (closes book)

Tawni:
I don't know why you're packing, you're not going anywhere until you apologize!

Sonny:
I don't know why you're packing because I'm not apologizing!

Tawni:
Of course you're apologizing it's your thing, you apologize. It's the circle of life (Pretends to draw a circle in the air) cir-cle!

Sonny:
And here's what I think about your (Makes hand motion) cir-cle (Pretends to grab circle)

Tawni:
(Gasp) What are you doing to my circle?!

Sonny:
I'm ripping it! (Pretends to rip circle)

Tawni:
Give me that! (They start fighting for the circle)

Sonny:
Got it! (Tawni cries)

Tawni:
Why is Chad Dylan Cooper selling Glandovian horn whitner?

Tawni:
Check out its chicken neck.

Sonny:
Check out its chicken arms.

Tawni and Sonny:
They're called wings.

Sonny:
It felt so good to check it out with you.

Tawni:
Really? 'Cause I thought that you thought Dinka was better than me.

Sonny:
And I thought that you thought you're partner was better than me.

Tawni:
My partner was a goat.

Sonny:
My partner sang like one.

Tawni and Sonny:
I'm sorry. (hugs each other)

Tawni:
Oooh. I'm seeing a lot of angry people over your shoulder.

Sonny:
And I'm watching a goat go to the bathroom over yours.

Bella:
Gassie! Stay! And don't lick yourself. I just brushed you.

Sonny:
(knocks on Gassie's door) Gassie.

Gassie:
(walks out through the doggy door)

Sonny:
(to Gassie and pets him) Awww. There you are. You know, I used to have a dog just like you in Wisconsin. Yeah, except he was a beagle with three legs and one eye. We called him Lucky! Or... or Limpy. Or Blindy. But, you know, it didn't matter what we called him because he was deaf too! You know what else he loved? We think. Meatballs. Yeah, you smell? (feeds Gassie the meatballs) Awwww. I bet she never feeds you treats huh?

Bella:
Gassie!

Sonny:
(throws some more meatballs through Gassie's door) Gassie go! Go! Hurry!

Bella:
What are you doing here?

Sonny:
(mouth full) Nothing.

Bella:
Were you playing with Gassie?

Sonny:
(shakes her head) Nuh unh!

Bella:
(stares at Sonny)

Sonny:
(stares back at Bella)

Bella:
(stares back at Sonny) I'm watching you. (leaves)

Sonny:
(spits the meatballs out and puts them on the floor)

Gassie:
(walks back out)

Sonny:
You heard Bella, Gassie. She doesn't want me playing with you anymore. (has an idea) But she didn't say anything about you playing with me!

Gassie:
(farts)

Sonny:
I'll take that as a yes! Come on Gassie!

Gassie:
(follows Sonny)

Sonny:
I didn't come here to argue I came here to give Gassie some dog time. Beneath the trees and on grass...

Chad:
Except the grass is plastic and the trees are cardboard because[through the bull-horn]THIS IS A SET.

Sonny:
Good then what Gassie is doing to that bush over there wont kill it.

So Random Cast:
(sees Gassie dead) NO!

Zora:
Please tell me he's sleeping.

Sonny:
Okay, he's sleeping.

Zora:
DON'T LIE TO ME!!!

Tawni:
What did you do?

Sonny:
I don't know! It was going so well. I told him to sit and he sat. I told him roll over he rolled over. I told him to play dead HE DIED!

Grady:
(feels Gassie's paws) You guys should feel this.

[Looking at the Gassie & We movie poster]

Tawni:
Why is Gassie's head bigger then mine?

Sonny:
Well, I'm not sure that it is.

[Lunch-box lets out a farting sound]

Sonny:
Gross! you want people to buy that and then put food in it?

Zora:
Gross sells sister.

Dakota:
You have have very nice blue eyes.

Grady:
Why thank you.

Dakota:
It'd be a shame if you lost one of them!

Grady:
Yeah it would.

Dakota:
Now hand me to the Matador![Grady hands her to Nico]

Nico:
Hola?

Chad:
You just found out your boyfriend's a vampire,you're scared,you're confused,you have two holes in your neck what do you do? AND ACTION!

Tawni:
Bravo.

Sonny:
(closes the painting and turns to Tawni)

Tawni:
Well played. I can't believed you tricked me.

Sonny:
Tawni, you don't understand.

Tawni:
No, you don't understand. I can't believe you tricked me.

Sonny:
(smiling nervously)

Tawni:
I'm so proud! (hugs Sonny)

Sonny:
And I thought you weren't a hugger.

Tawni:
And I thought you were above manipulative to get a boy. Apparently it's opposite day!

Tawni:
Aw. You have a song pillow?

Sonny:
Yeah.

Tawni:
Can I see it?

Sonny:
No.

Tawni:
(grabs one side of the pillow and pulling it) GIVE ME THE PILLOW!!!! I know you're in love with him!

Sonny:
(pulling the other side) No I'm not!

Sonny:
MY SONGS! (looking through her songs)

Tawni:
(reading Sonny's songs) "Girl Plus Boy Equals Joy" "Girl Plus Boy Equals Soy" "Girl Plus Boy Equals Annoying"

Sonny:
Annoying? I didn't write that.

Tawni:
No I did. See that's how easy it is to make horrible songs.

Sonny:
Look, I wrote those when I was pretty young. (picks up a sheet) This is the song I wanted to show him.

Tawni:
(reads) "Me, Myself and Time." Let's hear it.

Sonny:
What?

Tawni:
You heard me.

Sonny:
I don't really feel comfortable-

Tawni:
SING!

Sonny:
(smiles nervously and then sings) I can make the rain stop if I wanna just by my attitude.

Tawni:
Huh. Not bad.

Sonny:
Really?!

Tawni:
Not the song. Using music to get a musician. Why didn't I think of that?

Chad:
Chad Dylan Cooper fears nothing.

Sonny:
Spiders.

Chad:
Not little ones.

Sonny:
Heights.

Chad:
Not low ones.

Chad:
Bangs and Fangs, We all get bitten by vampires and get awesome hair.

Nico:
Is your show written by monkeys?

Sonny:
(pulls the curtain and sees Tawni) Tawni?!

Tawni:
You're right. I am a lying, self serving, song stealing phony! (confused) How did I get in this box?

Sonny:
And besides, I'm more of a dabbler anyways. (in a British accent) Dabbler, dabbler, dabbler.

Tawni:
If you won't sing it honey, I will.

Sonny:
(thinks for a few seconds, covers Tawni with the curtain and goes onstage)

Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen, singing her original song, "Me, Myself and Time", Sonny Munroe!

Nico:
Wow.

Grady:
Yeah.

Marshall:
Who knew?

Tawni:
She's great right?

Tawni:
It's opposite day.

Snowy:
My men might be short but I'm living large.

Cindy:
If the slipper fits, you too can be a princess.

Beauty:
With all the beauty rest I get, is there any wonder why I'm so hot?

All:
We are the real princesses of New Jersey.

Snowy:
Hey Beauty, what are you wearing tonight?

Beauty:
I'm thinking of wearing my mini gown.

Snowy:
Aah, the one with the leopard pattern?

Beauty:
You know it. [growls]

Snowy:
It's gonna be like Beauty and the Beast wrapped up in one. [both laugh nasally] So Beauty and I are getting mani padis 'cause I'm throwing a ball tonight. It's going to be very A-list. There's gonna be fairies, godmothers, singing mice. Ah the whole Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Bang. [laughs snobbishly] It's ridiculous.

Cindy:
Well, well, well, if it ain't the second and third fairest of them all.

Snowy:
Cindy, how did you know we where here? [laughs nervously]

Cindy:
Mirror Mirror on the wall, are those 2 witches at the mall?

Mirror:
Yeah, they're getting their nails done. But you didn't hear it from me.

Cindy:
I can't believe you didn't invite me to your ball.

Snowy:
Oh, you mean you didn't get the invitation?

Snowy:
Yeah like I was going to invite her, right? Last ball I threw, stroke of midnight, her dress is trashed, one shoe on, one shoe off. She's driving around in a pumpkin.

Cindy:
Ha. They think that they're so much better than me.

Cindy:
Your mother's a witch.

Snowy:
Your mother's a witch.

Beauty:
Princesses, princesses. All of our mothers are witches.

Both:
: [agreeing]

Snowy:
Sorry I flew off the handle. [shows Cindy a apple] Apple?

Cindy:
Thanks. [takes out her gum, eats the apple and falls on the ground]

Beauty:
[laughs] She falls for that every time.

Snowy:
I guess we know who the dumbest of them all is. It's ridiculous.

Sonny:
[in Snowy voice] I know. It's ridiculous, right? [flips her hair]

Tawni:
(singing) I've never, ever been to public school.

Sonny:
Oh no.

Martha:
What is she doing?

Sonny:
She's trying to tell us how miserable she is.

Tawni:
I never thought that it would be this cruel.

Martha:
By singing?

Sonny:
Looks like it.

Nico:
(singing) It's endless. We're friendless.

Grady:
(walks in and sings) It's nothing but pain.

Sonny:
Apparently the only high school they know is the musical one.

Zora:
(singing) And no one in this dump knows our name.

Sonny:
Alright Martha, give me a boost.

Martha:
(helps Sonny up on a lunch table)

Sonny:
(singing) I know you think that this is probably my fault.

Tawni:
We do.

Sonny:
The catty comments and the constant assault.

Grady:
It's cool.

Sonny:
I was here once and I'm still alive. So listen if you wanna survive (gets down) inside this-

So Random Cast:
High School Miserable.

Tawni:
I never I thought I'd be invisible.

So Random Cast:
This High School Miserable.

Sonny:
We got to keep being indivisible.

So Random Cast:
In this High School Miserable. Don't understand what's happening to me. In this High School Miserable. (stands on lunch tables) Someone get me back on T.V.

Announcer:
On the next Mackenzie Stalls, backed up passions overflow.

Sonny:
I thought we were destined to be together. Now I can never forgive you. You left the toilet seat up!

Grady:
It was a moment of weakness, but I'm not the only one with a secret shame.

Sonny:
(gasps) You mean?

Grady:
Yes! You forgot to flush.

Announcer:
Lack of hygiene leads to lack of trust.

Tawni:
I can't hold it in anymore. Tell me the truth. Did you wash your hands?

Nico:
Of course I did.

Tawni:
Lies! (slaps Nico)

Nico:
Ohhh!

Announcer:
And someone didn't read the writing on stall.

Sonny:
You're not welcome here, Mackenzie.

Grady:
Why? Because I'm richer than you?

Sonny:
No, because this is the girls bathroom.

Grady:
(gasps) WHY?!?!?!?!

Sonny:
And you're zipper is open.

Grady:
WHY?!?!?!?!?!

Announcer:
In a world flushed with drama, the number one show is now number two. Mackenzie Stalls.

Zora:
Starring Chad Dylan Pooper.

Chad:
(watching the sketch and becomes furious) Pooper?! Oh, it's on! Plunger! (catches a plunger thrown at him and walks away)

Sonny:
I told you that if we made fun of Mackenzie Falls on our show they would get back at us.

Nico:
I don't care. Doing that Mackenzie Stalls sketch was worth getting plunged in the head.

Grady:
Look at me. I'm a toilet unicorn.

Sonny:
Yeah, well at least you got the front half. (turns and there's a plunger on her butt)

Zora:
You know what I think? Our humiliation calls for major retaliation. I'm talking glue,fire ants,and a sizzling fajita. Who's with me?

Tawni:
Chicken or Steak?

Sonny:
No. No more revenge. No more retaliation. No more fajitas.

Tawni:
Ms. Bitterman, does hitting Sonny with a log count as a 'woodsy' activity?

Chad:
And if we do it all together, does it count as bonding?

Ms.Bitterman:
If you pick the log out together, yes.

Zora:
Quick! Everybody agree on a log!

Sonny:
(runs away)

Ms.Bitterman:
You have been paired up with the person you dislike the most.

Grady:
I should be with Aquaman!

Ms.Bitterman:
From reality.

Ms.Bitterman:
Now, the minefield consists of various...

Zora:
Moose dung!

Ms.Bitterman:
There's other dung.

Chloe:
Poop to your left! Poop to your left!

Grady:
I can't 'go' with people watching.

Chad:
Have you guys been breathing in too much bug spray? It looks like a wolf in a hoodie. Your Candy Face could be... anything?

Grady:
Even Candy Face.

Zora:
Somebody wake Sonny!

Tawni:
Good idea! If Candy Face gets Sonny then maybe he'll leave the rest of us alone!

So Random Cast:
(everyone pulls Sonny's sleeping bag but she's not there)

Zora:
Sonny's gone!

Zora:
Sonny! Sonny! We found her! She's over here!

Sonny:
(lying on the ground)

Grady:
(helping Sonny up with Nico) How's she looking?

Tawni:
Terrible, so she must be okay.

Chad:
If you’ll excuse me, it’s time to say buenos noches to señor smoothie.(walks away)

Nico:
Chad, watch out! There's a snake!

Chad:
I'm not falling for it!

[screams like a girl]

Nico:
There... really was a snake.

Sonny:
He has got to learn how to trust.

[Chad screams again]

Grady:
And scream like a dude!

Sonny:
(watching the video on Zora's camera and sees herself sleep walking and destroying Senor Smoothie) I must have been sleepwalking. I must have been the one who broke the heater and Grady's GameGuy. Oooh and killed Senor Smoothie. I'm Candy Face. I'm Candy Face! I'm Candy Face! And I'm destroying the evidence. (throws the camera against a stump and breaks it)

Nico:
What was that?!

Sonny:
Ahhh! (throws the camera and her gloves on the ground) It's Candy Face!

Sonny:
Candy Face! She- he- it broke your camera!

Zora:
It's like the monster is deliberately destroying everything that's important to us!

Tawni:
And yet he gently deposits you.

Chad:
Let me guess, Candy Face... broke the camera. There's no evidence to prove it you guys are right. One of you is responsible for this and I'm pretty sure it's-

Sonny:
No, no, no! (crying and hugs Chad) Chad, Chad, Chad! It happened right in front of me and it was so scary. The only thing I could think of was if only Chad Dylan Cooper, the greatest actor of our generation, was here to save us.

Chad:
He is (holds Sonny) and he will.

Chloe:
You believe her?

Chad:
I believe that she's not a good enough actor to lie this convincingly.

Sonny:
(nods)

Devon:
I'm sorry I accused you guys of stealing my electric man scaping device.

Grady:
I'm sorry I blamed you for the death of my Game Guy.

Nico:
I'm sorry I tried to hit on you while I was blindfolded.

Penelope:
And I'm sorry you don't realize what league you're in.

Sonny:
You see what's happening here? Trust. Which means our job here is done. So we can just take that trust, put it in a bottle, wrap a little bow around it, bring it back to the studio because together we can-

'Zora:
KILL CANDY FACE!

So Random and Mackenzie Falls cast:
Yeah!

Sonny:
Or we can capture him and rehabilitate him.

So Random and Mackenzie Falls cast:
NO!

Chad:
Everybody in to the Mac Falls tent. We'll huddle there for safety there tonight. Tomorrow, our first trust exercise is weapon building!

So Random and Mackenzie Falls Cast:
Whoo! (everyone goes inside the tent)

Zora:
We're hunting monsters! (hugs) Sonny, this is the best retreat ever! (leaves)

Sonny:
(shocked expression)

Grady:
Candy's supposed to melt in your mouth not into your skin.

Sonny:
(starts sleepwalking with a blanket and candy on her face that makes her look like she's wearing a mask) Roar! (knocks the table down)

Sonny:
(walks towards the Mackenzie Falls tent)

So Random and Mackenzie Falls cast:
(wake up) Candy Face!

Sonny:
Roar! (grabs a plant)

Zora:
It's got Sonny's head!

Sonny:
(rips the plant out)

Grady:
(disgusted) It's ripping her hair out!

Sonny:
(pouring the water out of the pot)

Nico:
Brain juice....

Nico and Grady:
(throw up)

So Random and Mackenzie Falls cast:
Ewwww!

Chad:
Those are my seal skin slippers!

Sonny:
I'm starting to think all your hot gas is the cause of global warming.

Chad:
I'll have you know my entire dressing room is powered by alternative energy. I'm walking the walk.

Sonny:
Yeah well...we're scraping....the scrape.

Zora:
(in the vents) You'll never be able to get away with it.

Sonny:
Shut up conscience!

Zora:
It's me.

Sonny:
Shut up...me!

Grady:
It's just that every time you try to be nice to us we end up...sad.

Nico:
Or injured.

Grady:
Or in Mexico.

Chad:
That was the old Chad. And you did beat the bull. Ole!

Chad:
Well if it isn't the face of geezer hatred.

Sonny:
*sighs* You heard?

Chad:
We all saw it, didn't we kids?

Nico:
Did you bring the kids here to boo us?

Chad:
No, we came here to thank you.

Tawni:
Really?

Chad:
Yeah, because for just a minute their fear of clowns took a backseat to their grandparents tears. My grandma called me, told me not to watch the show, told her it was ok I already didn't.

Sonny:
You know someday someones gonna expose you for the jerk you are [Pulls off Chad's hood and sees the hair curlers] OH MY GOSH!

Tawni:
OH MY GOSH!

Chad:
[Tries to cover his hair] OH MY GOSH!

Sonny:
Hair curlers?

Chad:
No. Girls wear curlers. These are my...Healthy hair rods.

Nico & Grady:
(laughs)

Chad:
Ha ha ha. My follicle consultant has me wearing them to keep my hair happy...and attached to my scalp.

Sonny:
Your worried about losing you hair? But your seventeen.

Chad:
Buddy was seventeen and before he knew it it was melon!

Sonny:
Melon?

Chad:
Melon I tell ya!

Chad:
What are you doing? These kids have an extreme fear of clowns the slightest bit comedy can set them off!

Sonny:
Then why'd you bring them here!

Chad:
This is the closest thing to a comedy free zone I know.

Sonny:
Well, I'm officially your girlfriend.

Grady:
(gasps)

Sonny:
Officially your fake girlfriend.

Grady:
Oh. Well go make me a sandwich!

Sonny:
(looks at Grady)

Grady:
I'm just kidding. I'll make us sandwiches.

Tawni:
Well guess what? We're going to lose the botch and take it up a notch.

Nico:
I like working with you already! Grady never makes our plans rhyme.

Tawni:
Oh I do it all the time.

Grant:
Your a lucky man.

Grady:
I'm telling Mom! Wait! What?

Grant:
I've had a million girlfriends.

Sonny:
Ew!

Chad:
On the hunt for a nutritious breakfast?

Nico:
I don't know there might be one hiding behind you dignity.

Sonny:
I need to talk to you immediately!

Chad:
Actually I'm glad you're here I need a favor.

Sonny:
I don't have time to help you with your science project.

Chad:
Please, I have an actual scientist to do that.

Chad:
I need a tennis judge. Word on the street is that you can help.

Sonny:
What? I'm not a tennis judge!

Chad:
So you just made that up?

Sonny:
Yes. But listen-

Chad:
Who makes up something like that?

Sonny:
Who needs a free lance tennis judge?

Chad:
Actually I'm hosting my annual charity tournament and I don't want to lose again

Sonny:
Oh I see. Well, as much as I'd like to help you cheat for a good cause I can't. Why? Oh yeah 'cause I'm not a tennis judge!

Chad:
Uh huh. So what you want?

Sonny:
Some answers!

Chad:
To what?

Sonny:
To how it all ends! To how long it's gonna be before you ask the girl you're destined to be with.

Chad:
I'm not sure I can answer that.

Sonny:
Aren't you in charge of your destiny?

Chad:
Uh, I guess?

Sonny:
Then It's time to say enough. When two people are this right for each other there's only one thing to do.

Chad:
How long have you felt this way?

Sonny:
Just since yesterday. It hasn't been long but it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Chad:
I mean I guess I feel the same way.

Sonny:
Well then do something about it!

Chad:
Okay I will

Sonny:
Great!

Chad:
Sonny will you go out with me?

Sonny:
I-I'm sorry, did you just ask me out?!

Chad:
I'm sorry, didn't you just beg me to?

Sonny:
Wait did you think I was talking about... Oh dear this is awkward!

Chad:
(laughs awkwardly) Sure is... I mean I know why it's awkward just wanna know if you know...why it's awkward ?

Sonny:
I was talking about Mackenzie and Chloe, but you seem to be talking-

Chad:
Na-na-no yup yup me to same page. Whoo!

Sonny:
Whoo hoo!

Chad:
See I just thought you thought I thought it was awkward because you thought I was asking you out, Ya'no rather than Mackenzie asking Chloe out, which I was.

Sonny:
Yeah but you said Sonny-

Chad:
Yeah buh buh that's awkward .

Sonny:
So...

Chad:
So...

Chad:
You're a Mackenzie Falls fan now!

Sonny:
Yeah!

Chad:
(in between both yeahs) Cool.

Sonny:
(in between both cool's') Yeah.

Chad:
Cool.

Chad:
So I suppose I should probably tell you that I'm a So Random fan now.

Sonny:
Really?

Chad:
Yeah but I'd be lying.

Sonny:
You know, it's funny. Like I learned with Mackenzie Falls, if you look at something with an open mind, you can... Surprise yourself. Soooo... Yeah.

Chad:
What?

Sonny:
Yeah, I'll go out with you.

Chad:
Good.

Sonny:
Good.

Chad:
So we're doing this.

Sonny:
I guess so. [Walks away and comes back] Okay, but I still don't know. Does Mackenzie ever ask-

Chad:
Hup-up-up. If we're gonna make this work, I'm gonna have to ask you to never ask me about my business.

Sonny:
Fine. I guess I'll just check the blogs like everyone else.

Chad:
Alright, lets take it from where I say "I need to talk to you right away."

Sonny:
I need to talk to you right away.

Chad:
THAT IS MY LINE! I AM GOING TO FIRE SOMEO- Oh, hey Sonny.

Sonny:
We need to talk.

Chad:
Alright everyone, that's a five. Apparently, I need to talk to my lady.

Sonny:
Joking! Joking, not his "lady". Chad, I need to tell you something.

Chad:
Wait is this about our date?

Sonny:
Yes. I think we need to call it off.

Chad:
Is this about me not telling you what happens between Mack and Chloe?

Sonny:
No, no. I seriously don't care about them or the Falls right now. I just think I rushed into something I didn't fully think through.

Chad:
That hurts me, Sonny.

Sonny:
Oh, I'm sorry.[Hugs him but he doesn't hug back]

Chad:
How could you not care about the Falls?

Sonny:
Wait, what hurts you more? The fact that I'm over the Falls or me canceling our date?

Chad:
That's a toughie.

Sonny:
That's a toughie?!

Chad:
See, it's just that, if you date me, you date the Falls. So if you hurt one of us, you hurt us both.

Sonny:
Oh my gosh. I cant believe I was this close to going on a date with you! What was I thinking? I mean, clearly I wasn't thinking-

Chad:
Yeah! And ironically, this is a drama free zone! Security!

Sonny:
24 hours ago, I fell in love with a guy named Mackenzie. And you, Chad, are no-

Chad:
Don't say Mackenzie, do NOT say Mackenzie.

Sonny:
Mackenzie!

Sonny:
Which is why, in the spirit of full disclosure--

Nico:
I mean the only thing that you possibly do that would be a bigger betrayal would be if you were dating Chad!

Grady:
Stop your killing me!

Sonny:
(nervously laughs along) Me too!

Nico:
I know, it's hilarious...."Chad".

Tawni:
So, what did you want to disclosure us about?

Chad:
Hey.

Sonny:
What are you doing here?

Chad:
Can I come in?

Sonny:
A little.

Chad:
Well...I thought about what you asked me-

Sonny:
Excuse me, (to Connie) Mom, you may go watch the Falls.

Connie:
(watching them) I'm good.

Chad:
You asked which hurt more you being over the Falls or you canceling our date and it was definitely you canceling our date. Not really a toughie at all.

Sonny:
Thanks. That's very...Mackenzie of you.

Chad:
Thanks. so you never did actually give me a reason why you called off our date.

Sonny:
Well it's sort of like you said when you date me you date date So Random, and they can be a little--

Sonny:
What are you guys doing here?

Grady:
(angrily) I found change!

Zora:
(gasps) It's worse then we thought!

Nico:
Flowers, a Mack Falls box set, and a photo of Chad holding some flowers... and a Mack Falls box set!

So Random crew:
Chad?!

Sonny:
(pretends to be surprised and fake gasps) Chad?!

Zora:
Well, it's pretty obvious what's going on here.

Connie:
Chad is here to see me!

Sonny:
Mom?

Connie:
It's okay, Sonny. I am not ashamed to tell them the truth.

Sonny:
No. But I might be! What are you doing?

Connie:
Trust me. (walks over to Chad)

Connie:
Chad came here tonight bearing gifts for me, because...

Chad:
Sonny's mother is also... my mother.

So Random crew:
(gasps)

Sonny:
So...when's the tournament?

Chad:
I'll give you the details tomorrow night.

Sonny:
What's tomorrow night?

Chad:
Our first date. See ya.

Connie:
Ooh...and the plot thickens.

Sonny:
(to Connie) Room!

Connie:
But can't we just talk?

Sonny:
Room!

Chad:
(wearing a neck brace) This is exactly what I was afraid if I asked you out. That I would end up broken or broken hearted. I just never imagined it would be both Sonny.

Chloe:
Sonny?

Chad:
What Sonny?

Chloe:
You said Sonny.

Chad:
I don't think so.

Sonny:
The patient is critical. We need to get him into the operation room CHAD!

Tawni:
(confused) Chad?

Sonny:
What? No. I said STAT. As in we need to get him into the operation room CHAD!

Grady:
Mmmmm. You did it again.

Sonny:
Ummm. I don't think so.

Nico:
(gets up from the gurney) I heard it too.

Grady:
Even the dead guy heard it.

Sonny:
You know what? Okay this is ridiculous.

Chad:
You people are hearing things.

Sonny:
(same time with Chad) I did not say Chad.

Chad:
(same time with Sonny) I did not say Sonny.

Zora:
So what do you think was up with the slip of the tongue this morning?

Chad:
(getting food but not looking at Sonny) They're watching.

Sonny:
(getting food too but not looking at Chad) Yeah. I know. Act natural.

Chad:
Good call. Just follow my lead.

Sonny:
Okay.

Chad:
What say you good woman? Were these freshly picked this fine morn?

Sonny:
I said act natural not Amish. This is silly. Why don't we just tell people that we have a date tonight?

Chad:
Bad idea. You know how much our two shows hate each other. If they find out we're going on a date they'll think it's okay for them and then- (shakes his head)

Tawni:
You don't think those guys like each other, do you?

Nico:
Maybe. I mean look at them trying to act all discreet.

Grady:
Well, I happen to be keen reader at lips. So whatever they're trying to say, they might as well say it to me.

Sonny:
So Chad...

Grady:
No, Brad.

Sonny:
what's the plan?

Chad:
Well I'm getting us a limo-

Grady:
Apparently he's getting a pillow.

Chad:
to take us-

Grady:
Two steaks plus.

Chad:
at 8:00-

Grady:
He ate a sock.

Chad:
to a nice dinner.

Grady:
and a rice thinner.

Tawni:
Read my lips.

Grady:
[turns to Tawni]

Tawni:
You're a dope.

Grady:
"Europe's pope."

Sonny:
It is a sad day when a young woman can't try on twelve or thirteen outfits without being accused of going on a date! You should be ashamed of yourselves! (waves her finger) Shame on you! (Grady raises his hand) Yes Grady?

Grady:
So in the risk of further shame, will you be joining us for pizza night? Because you're in charge of the coupons.

Sonny:
No I won't be joining you.

Tawni:
Ah ha!

Sonny:
Not because I have a date or anything. Because I'll be helping my mother who has a sprain ankle from doing things with that foot that she should not have been doing.

Nico:
Too bad Sonny's gonna miss Pizza Night.

Zora:
Yeah, pizza just won't taste the same without her.

Grady:
Yes it will!

Chad:
(looks at his clothes) Hello boys. It's showtime!

Sonny:
Hello girls. It's toe time! (paints her toes)

Sonny and Chad:
Nah. (puts their first choice down and picks up their second choice up) Nah. (puts their second choice down and picks up their third choice) Nah.

Sonny:
(picks up two pairs of earrings) This would be so much easier if I was a dude.

Chad:
This would be so much easier if I was an average dude.

Sonny:
(trying different kinds of lipsticks) Good.

Chad:
(trying outfits) Too preppy.

Sonny:
Better.

Chad:
Trying too hard.

Sonny:
Rockin' it!

Chad:
Not trying hard enough.

Sonny:
Perfect!

Chad:
Too Nico. Too Grady. Too Tawni but very comfortable.

Sonny:
Hey Chad. It's me. I've been ready for half a hour now. Listen, I can't wait to see you. It's gonna be perfect.

Chad:
(surrounded by piles of clothes all over the floor) IT'S WRONG! IT'S WRONG! IT'S ALL WRONG! (kicks some clothes)

Chad:
(thinks) Man, her shark is so much cooler than my lame jellyfish. I'm such an idiot.

Sonny:
(looks nervous and thinks) I'm such an idiot. Why did I do the shark? His jellyfish was adorable. He's adorable. (stares at him)

Chad:
(thinks and stares at Sonny) She's adorable. (looks at him palms) Oh my palms are sweating. Just be cool. (stops thinking and still nervous) So...Ohh!(leans but accidentally falls)

Sonny:
Chad! Are you okay?

Chad:
(gets up) I'm good. I'm good. I'm cool. (thinks) I'm so not cool. Water! I need water. (drinks his water) This isn't making me anymore cool, although it is refreshing.

Sonny:
You know, this all looks so great. Why don't you order since you know so much about sushi?

Chad:
(thinks) Oh my gosh, I forgot everything I know about sushi. Keep drinking, keep drinking. Maybe she'll stop asking. (drinks Sonny's water)

Sonny:
(thinks) Oh my gosh, I'm boring him so much he's trying to drown himself. (talks to Chad) Chad?

Chad:
(stops drinking) Yeah?

Sonny:
(touches Chad's hand) Do you want to order?

Chad:
(thinks and gasps) She touched my hand! I was suppose to touch her hand first. What kind of man am I?

Sonny:
(thinks) He's not even looking at me. Do I have something in my teeth? Of course I don't have anything in my teeth, I haven't eaten in hours. I'm starving! Why won't he order?!

Chad:
(thinks) Quit drinking! You're gonna explode! Just tell her she makes me nervous. She'll understand. (stops drinking and thinking) Sonny, I need to tell you something.

Sonny:
Yes Chad?

Chad:
(throws up at her)

Sonny:
(screaming in disgust)

Chad:
(shocked and runs out)

Sonny:
(thinking) Oh my gosh, I can't believe he just did that! Why am I saying this to myself?! (shouts) Oh my gosh, I can't believe he just did that! Ewww!!

Mr. Henderson:
And now give it up for Sonny Munroe!

Sonny:
Thank you West Appleton High! I can't believe a week from now I will be leaving Wisconsin to go to Hollywood! And it's a good thing too because I didn't finish my book report.

Mr. Henderson:
Boo!

Sonny:
Sorry Mr. Henderson. But I promise exactly one year from today I will be back home to accept West Appleton's highest honor, the firing of the Cheese Cannon! And to deliver my book report. And even though I will be leaving Wisconsin I will always have cheese in my heart. Gouda! Havarti! Cheddar and Jack!

Sonny:
Wisconsin cheese is an awesome snack!

Sonny:
(puts the book down and smiles) You believe in me Tawni.

Tawni:
Those better be the first words in that book.

Penelope:
I'm giving you one last chance, MacKenzie. If don't give me your water I'll fill my bottles from the tap. Chad this is where you turn and face me. (turns Chad's chair around and sees Chad looking at pictures of Sonny on his cellphone)

Chad:
(sad) This is milady at the zoo. This is milady at the pancake house eating a shortstack. This is milady screaming to not take pictures of her shortstack.

Penelope:
Chad, what are you doing?

Chad:
That's what she asked when I took the picture! (crying) Why did I let her go?! Don't look at me!

Chad:
(crying) I miss you Shortstack!

Sonny:
The bomb! This book is the bomb!

Tawni:
And from the looks of it, it looks like you're almost finished. (smiles)

Chad:
WHY?!?!?!?!?! And that's our inflight entertainment.

Zora:
It's a good thing this plane comes with barf bags.

Chad:
I can't think! (looks at a fortune cookie) I don't need a fortune cookie to make this decision. (throws the fortune cookie away) I choose Sonny.

So Random Cast:
(cheers)

Audience:
(counting down)

Vicky:
(begins to run)

Tawni:
(stops Vicky) Going somewhere, Penelope?

Vicky:
I don't know what you're talking about.

Tawni:
Oh, you're face may say Vicky but your ugly pilot shoes say Penelope. (pulls Vicky's face but it's revealed to be a mask and reveals Penelope)

Sonny:
Penelope? This is like a bad episode of Mackenzie Falls.

Chad:
(looks at Sonny)

Sonny:
Or a good one.

Zora:
Tawni figured it out?! Two thousand dollars and three days of my life for nothing! I don't deserve this coat! (takes off her coat)

Zora:
(hangs up phone) Sonny's still not answering. I'm getting worried.

Chad:
It's gonna be ok, we're almost there.

Sonny:
You guys, thank you so much for coming to Pauly and Pals with me. Wasn't it great?

Nico:
Sonny, it's a kids show.

Hank:
You know this beef stick?

Sonny:
Yeah this beef stick is my boyfriend. (slaps Chad behind the head)

Chad:
You're no one unless you have a million! WHY WON'T YOU MOVE?!?!?!

Chad:
Oh no! It's dropping! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to yell at you. Come back! Come back! Come back!

Sonny:
Come back to me Chad. I made a phone call that's going to make this all better.

???:
Wardrobe lady!

Chad:
That's no ordinary fan. Amber?

Sonny:
Wait, you're Amber?

Amber:
(takes off wig and glasses) Yep, that's me.

Tawni:
Who was that woman?

Amber:
(comes back in) It's Maya Baboodi! Maya Baboo.....di! (leaves)

Chad:
(turns to Sonny) This is the moment of truth.

Amber:
First I thought it was these two. (flashes a picture of Nico and Grady) They got problems, but Chad ain't one of them.

Sonny:
See?

Amber:
Then I suspected the blonde. (flashes a picture of Tawni) But again I came with nothing. They said ever since you've been dating Sonny Munroe you have been more nicer, sweet or kind.

Sonny:
Aww. (hugs Chad)

Amber:
Which to Chad's fans means he has been more boring, ordinary or uninteresting.

Chad:
Ohhh.

Amber:
Which is why my conclusion is this. Just like this ugly shirt, (flashes a picture of Chad's shirt from Sonny then a picture of Sonny) Sonny Munroe (flashes a X on Sonny's face), gotta go!

Sonny:
Yeah Chad, what's it gonna be?

Chad:
(looks at both of them nervously) Uh. Uh. You're fired.

Sonny and Amber:
Ha! Wait! Which one of us?

Chad:
Amber?

Amber:
Yes?

Chad:
You're fired.

Amber:
(stars murmuring and making a weird face)

Amber:
You think you can beat me at my own game?

Sonny:
Bring it on Algoode!

Sonny:
(enters the prop house,coughing,snezzes)

Chad:
Hey, babe.

Nico:
Oh don't you babe her! She's our babe!

Grady:
Yeah! Hey, babe.

Sonny:
Okay, alright, stop arguing. I'm going to stop this right now. Nobody gets to call me babe.

Chad:
(gets mad)

Grady:
In your face, Chaddy!

So Random Cast:
(arguing who gets Sonny first)

Chad:
Hey! Hey! Can't you see milady's not feeling well?

Sonny:
(sneezes)

Chad:
You people disgust me, almost as much as the snot rocket that just came out of milady's nose. It's okay, come on. Let's go make you some tea because you're sick, (turns to the So Random cast) lovesick. (makes kissing faces)

So Random Cast:
(disgusted)

Sonny:
You know what? You're right. It must be the fever talking because if I wasn't sick, clearly I'd know that you could never handle this list.

Chad:
(offended) Really?

Sonny:
Really.

Chad:
'Cause I'm pretty sure I can handle a day babysitting your little funhut buddies.

Sonny:
(gets up) Yeah, I don't think so.

Chad:
(takes the list) I know so.

Sonny:
Really?

Chad:
Really.

Sonny:
Good.

Chad:
Good.

Sonny:
Fine.

Chad:
Fine.

Sonny:
I'm going home.

Chad:
Feel better.

Sonny:
Thanks.

Chad:
Miss you.

Sonny:
Miss you too. (smiles and leaves)

Chad:
(holds Sonny's hand) Thanks. You should really put some sunscreen on. I want your face to stay perfect.

Sonny:
(smiles)

So Random:
(yelling in disgust from distance)

Chad:
Get use to it, Randoms!

Sonny:
Chad, it's over.

Chad:
(crying) (to Tawni) You said she'd be gentle.

Tawni:
(gives Sonny a list)

Sonny:
Ooh! Crier! (marks it on the list)

Tawni:
WHAT did you do!?

Chad:
[In a daze] I wrote on the wall with crayons, Mommy.

Sonny:
(gasps) Has Chaz ever pretended to be you?

Chad:
(about to speak)

Sonny:
(gasps) Were you even on our bike date?

Chad:
(about to speak again)

Sonny:
(gasps)

Chad:
Yeah, but I have a really good reason.

Sonny:
Dazzle me.

Chad:
(murmurs) I don't know how to ride a bike.

Sonny:
What was that?

Chad:
I said I don't know how to (murmurs) ride a bike.

Sonny:
Excuse me?

Chad:
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RIDE A BIKE!

Sonny:
Yeah, no. I heard you the first time. I just couldn't believe it.

Chad:
I have a fear of spokes, and pedals, (points to his face) and this hitting the cement.

Sonny:
(sarcastically laughs) Story's not funny yet. Exactly what dates put you in harm's way?

Chad:
(thinks back)

Chaz:
(throws a dart)

Sonny:
(smiles and claps)

Sonny:
Wait, that wasn't you?

Chad:
There were pointy things involved. Harm's way.

Sonny:
What else?

Chaz:
Here's your cocoa. (winks)

Sonny:
(smiles)

Sonny:
(mad and hands on her hips) Seriously?

Chad:
Hot liquid, Sonny. Classic harm's way.

Sonny:
You done?

Chad:
Uhh...

Sonny and Chad:
(wearing sombreros, staring at each other at a Mexican restaurant)

Chad:
Happy one week anniversary, my senorita.

Sonny:
And they said we wouldn't last.

Sonny and Chad:
(grabs their tacos and clang them together) Ole!

Sonny:
(sad) Our anniversary?

Chad:
You know Mexican food makes me gassy, and that would put you in harm's way. See? I'm just looking out for you.

Sonny:
No, you weren't. A stunt double? Really? I mean, I just...I can't-

Chad:
Spit it out, Sonny.

Sonny:
We're over.

Chad:
Spit it back in. Spit it back in.

Sonny:
No, you know what? We're done. Our whole relationship has been a lie.

Chad:
No it hasn't. I just couldn't risk getting hurt.

Sonny:
So instead you hurt me. (leaves)

Sonny:
No, I rather set sail on the Titanic. At least those people got a nice meal before they went down.

Sonny:
(sees Chaz in a wheelchair and bandaged all over) What did you do to Chaz Milton Looper?!

Grady:
We broke him, we broke him bad.

Sonny:
(dressed up like Tawni) Check out my Halloween costume! I went as you!

Tawni:
(dressed up like Sonny) Check it out! I went as you!

Sonny and Tawni:
Check it out, we went as each other!

Nico:
The dude is 8 feet tall. How do you lose 8 feet a dude?

Sonny:
Okay then Zora, we need you to stall. We have 8 feet of dude to find.

Zora:
No no no!

Announcer:
Are you ready to get So Random?

Announcer:
Remember all those great songs from summer camp?

Tawni and Nico:
Sure!

Announcer:
Well, what about the ones you haven't heard of?

Tawni and Nico:
Haven't heard them!

Announcer:
Yes, it's Counselor Jenny (Sonny) and Dan Dan the Guitar Man (Grady) singing the songs that got them fired from over 100 camps. Truly awful songs like "Counselor Spread a Rumor".

Sonny:
(singing) Gather around the campfire spark and hear how Ben's afraid of the dark.

Grady:
(playing the guitar and singing) He cries at night when the lights go out. He weeps like a baby, he screams and shouts.

Sonny and Grady:
Everyone points when they see him go by. That's the reason he's shy.

Announcer:
And that's not all. You'll also get heartless classics like "Your Homesick (But Your Parents Don't Care)".

Grady:
You cry because your homesick at night.

Sonny:
Yes you do!

Grady:
You think your parents miss you. You're not right.

Sonny:
You're dead wrong!

Grady and Sonny:
Your mom and dad are clapping. They don't have to hear your yapping.

Grady:
And yes they said...

Grady and Sonny:
Not to call!

Announcer:
And the insensitive hits keep on coming!

Sonny:
(singing) A kid got wedgied by the lake last year. The lake last year, the lake last year. A kid got wedgied by the lake last year and now his undies are hanging from a flagpole. (looks menacingly at the the kids)

Announcer:
Yes, it's 24 songs, sung by two terrible people!

Grady and Sonny:
Order now!

Sonny:
(frowns) Or else.

Tawni and Nico:
We will! (reaches for the phone)

Zora:
No you won't!

Tawni:
(is mad and staring at her lipstick)

Sonny:
(walks in and singing) A kid got wedgied by the lake last year-

Tawni:
(turns to Sonny) What did you do?!

Sonny:
The machine gave me an extra granola bar! What was I suppose to do?! Put it back?

Tawni:
I don't care about that.

Sonny:
Good, cause I didn't.

Tawni:
Well you used my lipstick.

Sonny:
No, I didn't. Trust me, the only thing touching these lips is this granola bar. Followed shortly by this granola bar. (shows Tawni another granola bar)

Tawni:
Well if you didn't use my Cocoa Moco Cocoa then who did?

Grady:
(eating yogurt) Hey did I get any yogurt on my face?

Nico:
Question is did you get any in your mouth.

Sonny:
So Zora, who was that cute boy you were flirting with?

Zora:
I wasn't flirting.

Sonny:
Then why'd you flick a pea at him?

Zora:
I don't know.

Tawni:
Do you like him?

Zora:
I don't know.

Sonny:
Does he like you?

Zora:
I don't know.

Tawni:
What do you know?

Zora:
That you're annoying me.

Sonny:
But without me she wou-

Tawni:
No! Sonny, every time you sprinkle your rainbows and cheddar dust all over a situation it ends poorly. So don't meddle.

Chad:
Cut! Take five! Milady on the set! (throws a imaginary lasso at Sonny and pulls the lasso)

Sonny:
(not moving)

Chad:
(still pulling the lasso)

Sonny:
(shakes her head) Really? Sonny it up?

Chad:
(wrapping the lasso) Yeah, that's the word you use when meddling just won't do.

Sonny:
(throws the imaginary lasso down) Put that down.

Chad:
(moves the lasso away)

Chad:
(talking about Wesley) I'm so proud of him.

Sonny:
What about me?

Chad:
Oh, you're totally going to Sonny it up.

Wesley:
(to Sonny) I'm a man, baby.

Sonny:
You're a baby, man!

Tawni:
Oh, so I guess the meddling worked out..

Sonny:
It's for me.

Tawni:
exactly like I thought it would.

Zora:
Hey ladies. Sonny, how is your boyfriend? (singing) Mine's great. Don't worry Tawni, you'll find you someone.

Tawni:
(stares at Zora blankly) Hey Zora, look what Westley sent.

Chad:
I was gonna send you a cheese basket. (looks at the cheese basket again) Wait, I was gonna send you that cheese basket. Wesley, you mini-Macking on my girlfriend?

Wesley:
I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Big Mac. But there's always someone younger and prettier.

Chad:
(laughs) It's true. Got some bad news for you though. (puts his arm around Sonny) Sonny would never date an out of work actor.

Wesley:
I'm not an out of work actor.

Chad:
You are now. Security! (security carries Wesley away)

Wesley:
Hey! No! No! You'll hear from my agent!

Chad:
Peace out lil' sucker! See? Big Mack' got your back. (winks)

Sonny:
Gosh, I feel terrible. If I hadn't meddled he'd still have a job and Zora wouldn't be out to get me.

Sonny:
(screams) That sandbag has revenge written all over it! (runs away)

Chad:
That's what you get when you Sonny it up!

Zora:
(reading a letter) I like my women like I like my cheese. Sharp. Oh, he thinks i'm sharp. Finely aged. I am two months older than him. And from Wisconsin.

Tawni:
Wisconsin? Who do we know from Wisconsin?

Zora:
Sonny. The basket's for Sonny. Why is the basket for Sonny?

Sonny:
This is a funny story. He thought that when I asked from pizza, I was asking him to join me for pizza.

Zora:
Cradle robber!

Tawni:
(laughs) This is a funny story

Tawni:
Is it bad? Tell me it's not bad.

Sonny:
It's not bad.

Tawni:
Oh good. Good.

Sonny:
(picks up Dakota's bicycle handle and goes to Tawni) It's worse than bad! We ran over Dakota's new bike! We're dead, dead, dead! (crying)

Tawni:
But I was the driver which makes me deader, deader, deader! (crying)

Tawni:
Now we're losers!

Zora:
(points to locations on the map) Here is where she has her morning temper tantrum, afternoon tantrum, ballet class, and evening tantrum.

Tawni:
This is ridiculous. We're never going to get that bell. It would be easier to get her kidney.

Zora:
Oh, you want her kidney. That would be this map. (flips the page)

Sonny and Tawni:
(screaming in disgust and yells at Zora to put it away)

Zora:
(turns the paper)

Tawni:
Thank you.

Dakota:
(sleep talking) Find bike thief. Rip head off. Have daddy fire headless body.

Tawni:
Now is our chance.

Sonny:
(cuts the bell)

Dakota:
(sleep talking) Play soccer with bike thief's head. (sits up and still sleep talking) Goal! Yay! (lies back down)

Sonny and Tawni:
(run out of the prop house)

Chad:
This interview is over because you're a crazy lady.

Tawni:
Sonny and Chad sitting in a tree. That's it, just sitting.

Chad:
Like I'm going to take advice from two guys who are dating their pillows.

Chad:
I've got a meeting I don't wanna kiss. Miss. That was a kisstake. Mistake. Shut it! (walks off)

Nico and Grady:
Patriots!

Marshall:
Idiots!

Sonny:
(stands up) Oh come on people! Do you really think this is where we're going to have our first kiss? Especially since he has stinky mustard breath?

Chad:
Yeah! Hey what?

Sonny:
No, no. Doesn't... doesn't bother me at all. (looks at wrist with no watch) Oh look at the time. I gotta call my grandmother in Wisconkiss. Kissconsin. You know what? Shut it, Tawni! (leaves)

Tawni:
Wow, it bothers her more than I hoped it would. Ha, I win.

Nico:
And if he wants it back he's gonna have to go through you first!

Grady:
Just me?

Sonny:
It's like you and... that muffin! Gosh, take a breath.

Tawni:
See, this is what a spark looks like.

Chad:
(On the phone) No comments, no comments. Look, I am tired of hearing this, I will kiss Sonny when I'm ready. (kiddie voice) Okay mommy, I love you too. (pretending to kiss her and hangs up)

Tawni:
I've put together a catalogue of boys I've rejected that I think would settle for you. (hands catalogue to Sonny)

Sonny:
(takes catalogue) Aww, Tawni. You know, it's in moments like this you learn to appreciate having real friends.

Sonny:
(puts down catalogue and stands up) I'm gonna go find one.

Nico:
(to Grady) I told you there's no such thing as ghosts.

Sicky Vicky:
Merry Sickmas everybody!

Shelly:
Is it a puppy?!

Shelly's Mom:
Better!

Shelly:
Is it a baby brother?!

Shelly's Dad:
Somebody's!

Shelly:
(gasps) No way! (rips the wrapping and the package was Joe Jonas trapped inside a life size toy box)

Joe:
Let me out!

Shelly:
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! You got me Joe Jonas for Christmas! (opens the box)

Joe:
What am I doing in here? (looks around)

Shelly:
Mommy, he's so lifelike. I wonder if he wets himself.

Joe:
Not since I was six. What's going on here? One minute I'm walking on stage. The next minute there's a burlap sack over my head. And now I'm a Christmas present?!

Shelly:
The best Christmas present ever! (hugs Joe)

Shelly's Mom:
Yes he is sweetie. And you know what? We got you all of the accessories!

Shelly's Dad:
Uh huh! The Joe Jonas Car!

Joe:
You stole my car?!

Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen, Sonny Munroe and Joe Jonas.

Sonny:
(singing) Didn't know what to get you, ordinary just wouldn't do. But I just found my perfect gift for you. I hear church bells ringing. (Joe joins in) Carolers are singing, harmony with me now. (smiles at Joe)

Joe:
(singing and looks at Sonny) You are looking so lovely. (Sonny joins in) Even if the lights go out. We got mistletoe and firelight on this cold December night. The snow outside will set the mood as I sing my song.

Sonny, Joe and So Random Cast:
We've got mistletoe.

Joe:
Mistletoe.

Sonny, Joe and So Random Cast:
And firelight

Joe:
And firelight.

Sonny, Joe and So Random Cast:
On this cold December night. The snow outside will set the mood as I sing my song for you.

Sonny:
Sing my song. (Joe joins in) Sing my song for you.

Sonny:
Oh well... Maybe I should date Efron then...

Chad:
Do not even joke about that!

Grady:
(annoyed) Everything always goes Grant's way.

Sonny:
(wearing funny glasses) Okay great first day of camp guys. Now remember pies are for eating not throwing. (ducks down after a pie is thrown at her) I know what cabin you sleep in Brian! (closes the door then her cellphone rings and she takes off the glasses) Hello?

Chad:
What?

Sonny:
Hello?

Chad:
Sonny? Sonny? I can't hear you. Hold on, I'll try on to move around, find a good spot.

Sonny:
Chad? Hey I can't hear you either. The reception's horrible.

Chad:
(moving around) Thank you, you're adorable too. I gave my list to Mr. Condor.

Sonny:
No I didn't see a condor, but I think I saw a eagle.

Chad:
No! No, no, no. Everything I'm asking for is legal!

Sonny:
Okay, I'm not sure what you're asking but my advice is don't be greedy.

Chad:
That is great advice! I will be greedy!

Sonny:
No! Why would you beat Grady? (door knocks and Sonny opens it) Brian put that pie down. (ducks again) I gotta go. (hangs up)

Chad:
(running) You'll never replace me!

Grant:
I'm the new Mackenzie!

Grady:
You're the new Mackenzie?

Grant:
I'm the new Mackenzie!

Chad:
(being carried by security guards) You're the new Mackenzie?

Grant:
I am the new Mackenzie! Delta Nu!

Nico:
Is it in the salmon?

Sonny:
(eats the salmon) Aw, it's just fishy.

Grady:
(covered in water) So, uh, so did Marshall like the sketch?

Sonny:
Oh my gosh! I hit send!

The Next Day:

(Sonny, Tawni, Nico and Grady are all waiting nervously in Marshall's office.)

Sonny:
(nervously playing with a spring toy)

Tawni:
(takes the spring toy away)

Sonny:
Sorry. I feel like I just got called to the principal's office.

Tawni:
I was home schooled. I feel like I'm in my mother's kitchen.

Grady:
Uh, excuse me Mr. Savege, define incident.

Stanley:
(gets closer to Grady and shows him his pinky) The pinky is overated. (curls his pinky and makes a bone crunching sound)

Stanley:
(opens the sarcophagus and sees Zora inside)

Zora:
(screams)

Stanely:
I knew we were one short. Now get in line!

Zora:
(stands next to Sonny)

Stanley:
(yelling) Now here's the deal. Your sketches are weak, your jokes are flabby and your characters are as (holds Zora's arm) underdeveloped as this guy's arms.

Zora:
I'm a twelve year old girl!

Stanley:
No excuse!

Sonny:
It kinda is?

Sonny, Tawni, Nico and Zora:
(fighting each other with staffs) Knock knock, who's there. Knock knock, who's there.

Grady:
Us? Us? (turns to the wrong direction but Nico turns him) Hello? Temporary wasabi blindness.

Sonny:
There is no way I'm going to let that happen! (goes after Marshall)

Tawni:
Get her!

Nico:
(picks Sonny up and carries her out) We're not going to let that happen!

Sonny:
Stop it! Put me down!

Grady:
(takes off the glasses) It's a miracle!

Nico:
You can see!

Grady:
No, Marshall is coming back.

Sonny:
So win or lose--

So Random Cast:
Lose.

Sonny:
Or win.

So Random Cast:
Or lose!

Chloe:
It's gonna blow!

Ryan:
And the Choicey goes to...

Ryan:
Mac...aroni and cheese, it's So Random!

Tawni:
Well, well, well. Oh gosh, I have something that I've been waiting to say for five years! To my friends at Mackenzie Falls-

Sonny:
High road.

Tawni:
To my friends at Mackenzie Falls-

Sonny:
(interrupts Tawni) IN YOUR FACE MACKENZIE FALLS! YEAH! OH YEAH! IN YOUR FACE! WE WON AND YOU THOUGHT WE'D LOSE! BUT GUESS WHAT? WE WON! WHOO! (calms down) Uh, what I meant to say was...thank you.

Chad:
(shocked and frowning)

Nico:
But I spelled Grady right!

Grady:
(pauses) Come here buddy! (hugs Nico and laughs)

Chad:
(enters) Hey! What's up, Randoms? How are we enjoying this fine day?

Sonny:
Oh hey there Chad Dylan Chipper.

Chad:
Oh that I am. That I am. (whispers to Sonny) Figured out to solve our little problem.

Sonny:
Oh great. (to the So Random cast) Hey guys, could you give us five minutes?

Zora:
Sure. Hey, who wants to take a taxi ride to see where they make Chad park his car now?

Chad:
(laughs) It's funny 'cause it's true.

Sonny:
Wow, you're being an awfully good sport.

Chad:
There's no reason not to be. So I've been thinking about what you said about how I was letting So Random's win get between us and I wanted to fix it.

Sonny:
(sits down) See? I knew you would get past this.

Chad:
(sits down) I had to, for us. (holds Sonny's hands)

Sonny:
Gosh, it feels so good to hear that from you. Some silly award shouldn't get between us.

Chad:
I totally agree. So I ordered a recount for the Best Tween Show.

Sonny:
You did what now?

Chad:
I ordered a recount. Great news, So Random lost. (smiles)

Sonny:
(sad) I can't believe this.

Chad:
What that you lost? Oh, don't worry about it. You'll get use to it. I did.

Sonny:
No you didn't. (stands up) You ordered a recount, Chad. Why would you even think about doing that?

Chad:
(stands up) You felt weird about winning, I felt weird about losing and now thanks to me, we don't have to feel weird anymore.

Sonny:
(still sad)

Chad:
But you do have a very weird look on your face.

Sonny:
It's called disappointment, Chad. You were so miserable that you weren't the center of attention for one day that you went out and ordered a recount?

Chad:
Whoa. I just wanted things to go back to normal like I promised.

Sonny:
Normal? Oh, you mean the normal where you always win and I always lose? I don't like that normal. Boyfriends and girlfriends are suppose to support each other, root for each other. I can't be in a relationship with someone who always put himself first.

Chad:
I did this for us.

Sonny:
No, Chad. (gives Chad the Tween Choice Award) The only us now is between you and this award. I hope you two will be very happy together.

Chad:
Are you breaking up with me because I thought I was helping.

Sonny:
That's the worst part. Goodbye Chad.

Chad:
Sonny don't do this.

Sonny:
No, just go.

Chad:
I just-

Sonny:
Chad, there are no second chances this time. I'm sorry. You won the recount but you lost me.

Chad:
(puts the Tween Choice Award down and begins to leave but turns around one last time)

Sonny:
(not looking at Chad)

Chad:
(leaves)

Sonny:
(tears fall out of her eyes) I know you guys are up there.

Sonny:
(sitting) I'm sorry we lost.

Tawni:
I don't care about that right now.

Grady:
Yeah, none of us do.

Tawni:
Tomorrow we will. Tomorrow I'll be perfecting my "Chad is dead to me" glare.

Nico:
Yeah and we'll be all painting on Chad's posters.

Zora:
Yes and a certain Someone Dylan Cooper will be hairless.

Tawni:
But what right now, what we care about is you.

Sonny:
(smiles) Thanks guys.

Tawni:
You know, we could turn back the clock and pretend nothing horrible has happened yet and we're still winners.

Sonny:
I appreciate that but I'd rather not turn back the clock. I'm fine right here.

Sonny:
Maybe if you let those sunglasses have their moment in the sun, maybe they wouldn't have broken up with you.

Back at the hair salon:

At Mackenzie Falls set:

(Flashback) Prophouse:

The Check It Out Girls Sketch:

sonny:
hey chad:hey sonny:what are you doing here? chad:oh me i thought i lost my glasses here sonny:you do wear glasses chad:sunglasses sonny:maybe you should try the beach chad:the thing is i really liked those glasses