SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 11

Squidward:
SpongeBob's gone crazy! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

SpongeBob:
Sponge. Bob.

Cave Sponge:
Spongey spongey…!

SpongeBob:
Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I'll get all these clams out of here right now.

[A clam spits another pearl and Mr. Krabs catches it.]

Mr. Krabs:
Not so fast, SpongeBob. [puts the pearl in a bag] What's your hurry? [chuckles]

SpongeBob:
Didn't you just tell me to get the clams out of here 'cause they're stealing food from your customers?

[The clams continue to attack the customers. A clam spits another pearl at Mr. Krabs.]

Mr. Krabs:
Ow! Forget the customers. If these clams keep spitting pearls at me, I'll be rich! Good clams. Good clams! Tee-hee-hee. Oh. [groans as the clams smother him; he pushes the clams away] Bad clams! Stupid clams! Smelly clams! [the clams spit pearls at Mr. Krabs] Ow! Ow! Ooh! Ah! Ow! Ow! [pops up as if he is wearing a king's clothing made out of pearls; he chuckles]

SpongeBob:
I've gotta get these clams out of here! [opens the door] Follow me, clams.

[The clams follow SpongeBob out of the restaurant.]

Mr. Krabs:
Wait! SpongeBob! Come back with those crummy clams! [the clams turn around and spit more pearls at Mr. Krabs] Whoa! [slips and falls on his face]

SpongeBob:
I figured if I tired them out, maybe they'll behave better.

Karen:
Plankton, have you been feeding Spot a lot of treats lately? [measures Spot with the measuring tape] He's looking bigger than usual.

Plankton:
Karen! Not in front of the amoeba. Spot is fit as a fiddle.

[Spot burps in Plankton's face.]:

Karen:
All right, Doctor. If you say so.

Plankton:
Come on, I'll prove it.

Karen:
[finishes rebooting herself] Reboot...complete. Oh! Oh! Oh ha! More puppies? For me?! Oh, Sheldon, I couldn't be happier! [laughing; grabs some of the slime with the amoeba puppies and smooshes it into a really large puppy]

Plankton:
Wait, puppy. Whoa, puppy! [gets crushed by the large puppy] Ooh! Cute...overload! Aah!

SpongeBob:
[peaks from behind a building and gasps] He's coming!

Squidward:
It says here the first part of Krabs' exam is the pinch test. We just need to do it in a way he doesn't know he's being tested!

SpongeBob:
Way ahead of ya! [makes a charity box that offers free money with an empty cardboard box] We'll make him an offer he can't resist!

Squidward:
[reading] "Free Money Inside." Ha. Not bad.

Later on:

[Mr. Krabs walks out of the store, with his right eye wearing a suit and hat]:

SpongeBob:
Tell your friends about us!

Mr. Krabs:
Not likely!

[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Plankton at Patrick's house. Patrick is trying to decide what his wish will be.]

Patrick:
I wish... I wish... I wish...

Plankton:
Pick something, you bozo!

Patrick:
Well, sometimes I wish I had an extra head so that I'd have someone to talk to when you're at work.

SpongeBob:
Aww.

Plankton:
Pathetic. All right, your crummy wish is my command! Give me your hand, Jumbo. And the both of you, close your eyes.

[Patrick holds up his left hand as he and SpongeBob close their eyes. Plankton draws a doodle on Patrick's hand with a marker, making him giggle.]

Plankton:
Alakazam!

Patrick:
[notices the doodle on his hand] Oh! My extra head! It's my wish come true! Oh, I'm gonna call you... Noggin.

SpongeBob:
Oh, hello, Noggin. Nice to meet you.

Patrick:
Noggin, say hello to SpongeBob. [silence]

SpongeBob:
Oh, he doesn't have to—

Patrick:
Noggin, you're embarrassing me. Say hello to SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
No, it's okay, Patrick.

Patrick:
No, it's not okay!

Plankton:
Leaping lungfish, can we go now?

Patrick:
Yes, go! Noggin here needs to be taught a painful lesson.

[SpongeBob and Plankton leave as Patrick enters his house.]

[The scene changes to the hippies resting in their new place that is warmer than the soup vat]

Moon Gills:
You know what? That old man Krabs wasn't such a bad dude after all.

[The hippies hear a splashing sound above]

Sunshine:
[giggles] Whoa!

Crystal Dave:
Someone just crashed our new pad.

[Their new place turns out to be Squidward's bathtub where Squidward is about to take a nice, hot bath. The hippies pop out]

Moon Gills:
Yo, bro, potato?

Squidward:
Oh, thanks, man. [eats the potato and swallows it; he opens his eyes and screams] HIPPIES!!!

[The passenger comes out of the taxi, which turns out to be Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's arch nemesis, Man Ray.]

TV Announcer:
Who's this tacky tourist turning up in taxi? Why, it's none other than that mortal enemy of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, the evil Man Ray!

Man Ray:
Hey, dude, keep it down. I'm not doing any evil this week. I'm on vacation!

TV Announcer:
Really?

Man Ray:
Yes, really. [hums cheerfully as he enters Squidward's house]

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs! You know we don't treat our customers like that. [Mr. Krabs is stunned] It says right here, in the Krusty Krab manual. [clears throat and reads] "The customer is always right, when they have money."

Mr. Krabs:
Oh! Such wise and beautiful words. Thanks for reminding me, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
I'm here to serve, Mr. Krabs

SpongeBob:
[looks at the monster jellyfish] Oh, hallo!

Patrick:
SpongeBob, don't you know the old saying? The only thing you have to fear is... yourself! [looks at mirror] Ah! Stop staring at me like that!

Sandy:
[her soul is in one of the Dutchman's cages] SpongeBob! Patrick! Help me!!!

SpongeBob:
[laughs] That almost looks like Sandy! [laughs]

Mr. Krabs:
[his and Plankton's souls are in two of the Dutchman's cages] SpongeBob!

Plankton:
Patrick!

Squidward:
[his and Gary's souls are in two other cages] Help us!!!

Gary:
[forlornly] Meow, meow!

SpongeBob:
[laughs] That almost looked like Mr. Krabs and Squidward and Gary and Plankton! [giggles] Funny! Oh, Patrick, this is hysterical! [laughs] Why aren't you laughing? [giggles until he notices Patrick's motionless body] Patrick? What's wrong with you?

Patrick:
[his soul suddenly appears in one of the Dutchman's cages] Help me, SpongeBob! My body's butt itches!

SpongeBob:
Patrick? Is this really happening? Hey, this isn't funny.

Patrick:
I was wrong, SpongeBob. Sometimes, scary equals scary!

SpongeBob:
[screams at Patrick's motionless body] Hm? [pulls out his chalkboard, erases the word "funny," and replaces it with "AHHH!"] Yup. I got the same answer. Scary equals "Ahh!"

SpongeBob's Skeleton:
That's the scariest thing I ever saw in my life!

SpongeBob's Skin:
Me too! But we gotta go back.

SpongeBob's Skeleton:
Go back?! Are you nuts?!

SpongeBob's Skin:
Show a little backbone! We gotta save our friends!

SpongeBob's Skeleton:
Oh, you're right, but I'm still scared. Will you hold my hand?

SpongeBob's Skin:
Deal! [they both go back together and SpongeBob heads back to rescue his friends]

SpongeBob:
Patrick, you gotta hide! There's an angry mob... [sees an angry mob with police cars around Patrick's rock; deflatedly] Coming for you. They're here.

Sandy:
They done busted my dome!

Ol' Ribeye:
They wrecked me up!

Squidward:
They got pictures of me naked!

Mr. Krabs:
No one wants to see your moles.

Crowd:
Ew!

Mr. Krabs:
Officer! [grabs Officer John and pushes him to Rube] That guy's camera took pictures of me Krabby Patty ingredients. And I want that film, before Plankton gets it!

[Officer John pushes Mr. Krabs aside and grabs Rube's camera. He opens it and sees Plankton already inside of it, but the camera itself appears to not have any film in it.]

Plankton:
Way ahead of you, Krabs. But there's no film in this camera at all.

Everyone:
Huh?

Officer John:
That's strange.

[Everyone looks at Rube in confusion.]

Rube:
Sorry for the misunderstandin', everybody, but I didn't take any pictures today. I don't even have a camera.

[The camera disappears, with Plankton falling to the ground which surprises everyone.]

Everyone:
[shocked] Huh?!

Rube:
In fact... [waves his arms as his voice fades] I'm not even here.

[Rube disappears completely and everyone gasps in a shocking surprise.]

Patrick:
[nervously] Um...uh... [waves his hands in the air; it turns out that Rube was nothing more than an illusion] And we're backing away, and backing away, and backing away!

[Everyone backs away in fear and runs off. The screen fades back into "The Tidal Zone."]

French Narrator:
You see? I told you. Things always get weird in "The Tidal Zone." [cackling wickedly]

Rube:
[appears in "The Tidal Zone" and takes pictures] Amazing! [floats away as the episode comes to an end]

[It's night, and SpongeBob still won't come down from the roof of the Krusty Krab]

SpongeBob:
I sure do miss my friends. Hey, maybe I can see them from up here. [looks out from the roof and sees his house, Squidward's house, and Patrick's house. Inside Squidward's house, Squidward is preparing himself dinner] Ooh, looks like Squidward has a date. Good for him. It can be so tough to put yourself out there. [He sees Squidward clink both glasses of wine and drink them both] Oh, no. Poor Squidward. He's all alone! [He gets an idea and lights up- literally] Ah! [pulls out a flashlight from one of his pores] Don't worry, friend. I'm here for you. [shines a light down at Squidward's house and makes a shadow puppet. The shadow puppet massages Squidward's head and back. The octopus enjoys the massage, his eyes closed]

Squidward:
Hm? Oh! Oh, that feels good. [He opens his eyes] Huh? [His mouth drops open and he sees a giant shadow stretching across his ceiling. He dives across his table, clings to the wall and screams as though he'd seen a ghost]

SpongeBob:
Hmm, maybe he's hungry.

[Squidward is standing with his hand on his head, wondering what that horrible sight he'd just seen was. SpongeBob's shadow puppet reappears, forces Squidward's mouth open and tries to feed him his dinner, but Squidward springs to the door and struggles to get it open]

SpongeBob:
Come on, Squidward! Eat your... [There's a crack as SpongeBob's hand cramps up] Ow! Hand cramp! Hand cramp! [The shadow starts clumsily knocking things around and throws Squidward's dinner on top of him] Ow, ow, ow, ow!

[His shadow puppet knocks over the table. Squidward runs to the window and struggles to open it. It won't budge so he pounds on it, yelling in distress. One of the shadow puppet fingers comes crashing down on Squidward's head by accident. The octopus' Moai house jumps about due to all of the commotion going on inside and soon its resident runs out screaming]

SpongeBob:
Guess he wasn't hungry after all.

[The customers stomp their feet to the music. Outside, the rain starts wearing out the mud, and so the Krusty Krab begins to sink in. Meanwhile, Squidward is still sleeping, oblivious to the fact that the Krusty Krab is sinking in. Everyone upstairs still continues to dance as the original Krusty Krab sinks into the mud. Suddenly, the rain stopped and out comes a rainbow. Everyone comes outside happy.]

SpongeBob:
Hooray! We're not on the roof anymore!

Mr. Krabs:
You know, after all that dancing and partying today, tomorrow's gonna feel like starting a new business!

SpongeBob:
And I'm looking forward to getting in on the ground floor with you!

[Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and the customers laugh. Meanwhile, underground, Squidward wakes up from his nap and looks at his watch.]

Squidward:
Time to go home already? [jumps off his bed and heads to the door, but bumps into dirt] Ow. [screams as dirt floods the entire bottom floor of the original Krusty Krab, trapping him as the episode ends]

Plankton:
SpongeBob, what are you doing? How are the customers supposed to get in now?

SpongeBob:
Those aren't customers out there, Plankton. They're all Krabby Patty zombie monsters! And they're forcing everybody to eat them! You and I are the last two survivors!

Plankton:
Krabby Patty zombies? Heh. I'll believe it when I see it. [Suddenly, the Krabby Patty zombie break through the boards and they gather around the Chum Bucket.] Okay, I believe it!

Mrs. Puff:
[chomps the apple tree and grabs it] You want stars? I'll Give you stars!!!!! [Whacks Plankton and Mr. Krabs with the apple tree]

Plankton:
Beautiful stars...

Trash Inspector #1:
[speaking through walkie-talkie] Come in, base. We found the trash flingers.

[The purple trash inspector grabs a mop and pokes Squidward.]

Squidward:
Ow. Ugh? Ugh. Ow.

Trash Inspector #2:
[picks up a blob of trash with a stick] Mm-hmm. [sniffs the trash and tastes it] Just as I thought. Trying to save money on trash bags.

Mr. Krabs:
I don't know what you're talking about, sir.

Trash Inspector #1:
You call us Trash Inspector, not sir! We didn't go to garbage school for nothing!

Trash Inspectors:
[show off their rings] Go Fighting Filthies!

Mr. Krabs:
Whatever you sir, inspector.

Trash Inspector #2:
What I say is... [puts on a soda can shaped judge wig] You have been found guilty of willful cheapskatery and flagrant trash flinging.

Trash Inspector #1:
Your sentence is to collect all the garbage in Bikini Bottom using that. [points to a baby] Uh... that one. [points to a garbage truck]

Mr. Krabs:
Whatever you say, inspectorers.

[The sea bunnies crawl into Squidward's house. Squidward zips the door shut as sea bunnies crawl under the wallpaper. Squidward hides under the table and dials the shellphone.]

Squidward:
Hello, Animal Control? Save me!

[The sea bunnies emerge from the wallpaper and from one of Squidward's paintings. More sea bunnies emerge from the cabinets while others emerge from the electric outlet. Squidward blubbers in panic as sea bunnies invade his house. One sea bunny emerges from his nose. His entire house is flooded with sea bunnies. Squidward escapes from the upper window of his house. He gets up and groans like an old man. He shakes the sea bunnies off him and growls in anger. He grabs a mallet from the shed and spits on his hand.]

Squidward:
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GAH! [hits his house with the mallet] That'll get them out.

[Squidward's house cracks and breaks into two halves. The sea bunnies form into his own house from underneath the wallpaper, much to Squidward's horror.]

SpongeBob:
Sorry about your house, Squidward.

Patrick:
Yeah. We just heard.

[Squidward is overwhelmed with what he did and whacked himself on the head with the mallet. His head opens and his brain flies out. Squidward goes mentally insane and grows bunny ears, whiskers, a pair of buckteeth, and a fluffy tail. He then begins to hop like a sea bunny.]

Squidward:
[maniacal laugh] I'm a bunny now! [crazy laugh] I'm a bunny now! I'm a bunny now!

Animal Control Officer:
Okay, Mr. Tentacles, easy does it. [puts a straitjacket on Squidward]

[Squidward kicks the animal control officer in the face and runs away. The animal control officer gets up and goes after the mentally-crazed Squidward with the net.]

Squidward:
[maniacal laugh] I'm a bunny now! [crazy laugh] I'm a bunny now!

[As the animal control officer chase after the crazy squid into the sunset, one sea bunny makes a face to look like Squidward. He mumbles like Squidward and plays "Shave and a Haircut" on the clarinet before closing the sea bunny window, ending the episode.]

Squidward:
SpongeBob, what have you done with my clarinet?

SpongeBob:
Ooh, Squidward, you're so hard-boiled. Are you playing a game? Oh, oh, can I play?

Squidward:
I know you stole my clarinet! [slapping SpongeBob] Tell me... where... it... is!?

SpongeBob:
[slapping himself] I... don't... know! [giggles] It couldn't have been me, Squidward. I have an alibi. I was at Grandma's house all day and I have the kissy marks to prove it. [points to the kissy marks on his head] See? There's room for one more.

[Squidward is grossed out and he pushes SpongeBob away]

Squidward [narrating]:
His alibi was solid. Only a family member could stomach putting their lips on this fool.

SpongeBob:
You know, we have lots of friends. Maybe they could help us find your clarinet.

Squidward:
I don't have friends. I have suspects.

SpongeBob:
Oh, Squidward, don't you know a suspect is just a friend you haven't cleared of charges yet? [gets pushes down by Squidward] So... can I help you solve your case? Please, please, please?

Squidward:
Try not to get in the way.

SpongeBob:
Yeah! It's a play-date! I mean... [changes into his detective clothes] All right, I'll partner up with you this time. [flips a coin and it disappears] Huh?

Patrick:
It's so straight-downy.

SpongeBob:
Don't worry, Patrick. A scavenger is always prepared. [pulls out a rope, ties it to a nearby rock and goes to climb down, but the rope isn't long enough] The rope is too short! We need another one!

Patrick:
[throws down a rope] Here!

SpongeBob:
Thanks, Patrick! Where'd you get another rope?

Patrick:
From that rock!

[Patrick slips off the edge and falls down into the canyon with SpongeBob, crashing into some stalagmites in the process. They both crash to the ground below the canyon.]

SpongeBob:
Found it!

[Squidward lethargically enters the Krusty Krab]

Squidward:
Sorry I'm late, I...

[He sees the Krusty Krab in chaos, with people either lying in a pile or running around and screaming]

Squidward:
[unnerved] Um... back to bed.

[The episode begins at Patrick's house during the night. A shooting star flies in the sky.]

SpongeBob:
Okay, Patrick, one more book, then you go to sleep, 'kay?

Patrick:
'Kay.

SpongeBob:
This one is called "You Can Be Anything."

Patrick:
[blabbers as he spins over his bed] I can be anything?

SpongeBob:
Oh, sure you can, pal. [opens the book and shows the page with a fireman pop-out] You can be a firefighter... [the fireman pop-out sprays water in Patrick's face; SpongeBob turns the page that shows a doctor pop-out] You can be a doctor... [Patrick whimpers; SpongeBob turns the page and shows a cowboy pop-out] You can be a cowboy.

Patrick:
That's what I want to be!

SpongeBob:
Cowboy. Great choice.

Patrick:
No, no, no, no, no! [points to the horse pop out] That.

SpongeBob:
A horse? [chuckles] Buddy, I don't think you want to be a horse.

Patrick:
You said I can be anything, and—and I want to be a horse! [His eyes thump SpongeBob's eyes.]

SpongeBob:
Sure, sure, you can be a horse. [tucks Patrick in his sand bed and sighs] Nighty-night, Patrick. [turns out the light and leaves]

Squidward:
Why would you wanna talk to him?

SpongeBob:
Who wouldn't want to talk to their pet?

Squidward:
I was talking to Gary.

[Squidward has replaced SpongeBob's pet translator with a walkie talkie, and speaks into the receiver]

Squidward:
[in his normal voice] Oh, PapaBob... [He realizes his mistake and clears his throat] No, no. [He clears his throat and speaks in a deep, Grumbles Grizzly-type voice] Oh, PapaBob...

Ringmaster:
Don't feed the CLOOWWNNNSSS!!

Later on:

SpongeBob:
Go on, little clown. Oh, I mean "Mr. Little Clown"!

Squidward:
[looking through the window at a clarinet store] Hmm? Huh? [sees SpongeBob riding Coupe and playing instruments along the way]

SpongeBob:
Hi, Squidward! [blows a clarinet in Squidward's face]

Squidward:
[bewildered] Oh, I need to erase this from my mind. [pulls his nose to open his head, takes out his brain, erases it clean with a pencil, and puts his brain back in, making him dumb] Duh! What's a SpongeBob?! [drools]

Patrick:
Do I know you, young man?

SpongeBob:
Patrick, it's me! Remember? [sings his theme song] Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Patrick:
I don't know... uh, a wizard?

SpongeBob:
[jumps in a bath] Absorbent and yellow and porous is he! [water squirts out of him] Eeurrgh…

Patrick:
S-SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob:
[plays the nose flute in the tune of the end of his song] Bahahaha! The one and only!

Squidward:
What are you two dizzy dingbats doing out here?!

SpongeBob:
Just treasuring our time together, Squidward.

Squidward:
Well, that time is over! Say good night, go to your separate houses, and be quiet! [SpongeBob and Patrick whimper and cry]

Patrick:
[cries] I can't do it! I can't be away from my best friend!

SpongeBob:
[cries] No, it hurts too much! [he and Patrick continue to cry.]

Squidward:
Oh, will you two cut it out? [SpongeBob and Patrick stop crying]

SpongeBob:
Cut it out... Squidward, that's a great idea!

Squidward and Patrick:
It is?

[SpongeBob takes out a pair of scissors, cuts off part of his head and forms it into a tiny version of himself.]

Patrick:
Wow! My turn!

[Patrick rips his head off and also forms it into a tiny version of himself. SpongeBob and Patrick hug each as the tiny versions of themselves hug and dance around.]

Squidward:
I think I'm gonna be sick! [gets sick and runs back into his house]

SpongeBob:
[gives Mini SpongeBob to Patrick] Here you go, Patrick. Now we never have to be apart, [Patrick gives SpongeBob Mini Patrick] even when we're not together.

Patrick:
This is great. See you forever, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
Yeah, see you forever, Patrick. [enters his house and yawns] Time for bed, Tiny Patrick.

[Mini Patrick jumps happily on SpongeBob's hands and hops on his head as SpongeBob goes upstairs. Bubble transition to SpongeBob washing his face with soap and water. Mini Patrick jumps off of SpongeBob's head and dives into the sink. He pops out of the suds and rides on the rubber duck like a cowboy. Bubble transition to Mini SpongeBob brushing Patrick's teeth. However, he shrivels up by the bad odor inside Patrick's mouth and falls into the sink.]

Patrick:
Hmm.

[A bus pulls over at the Krusty Krab, now the Krusty Plankton. Lily Plankton comes out and meets up with Plankton and Karen.]

Plankton:
Hi, Grandma. Happy birthday.

Karen:
Nice to see you again, Grandma Plankton.

Lily Plankton:
[lifts her glasses] Ugh. Who invited C-Pee-Eww? [laughs]

Karen:
[feels rejected] All right, I tried. [she leaves angrily, running Plankton over]

Plankton:
Owuh! [unsticks his squished body from the road] Let me help you with your bag, Grandma. [gets smacked in the face by Lily's purse] Ouch! [escorts his grandmother into the restaurant] Well, here we are, Grandma. Welcome to the Krusty Plankton. I named it after you.

Lily Plankton:
[pinches Plankton's cheek] Oh, well, aren't you a sweet grandson? [sees SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs] Who are they?

Plankton:
They're just my employees, Grandma. Meet SpongeBob and Eugene.

SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs:
Hello, Grandma Plankton.

Lily Plankton:
They look like very nice boys, and I'll bet they're even nicer when they're working.

Plankton:
You heard Grandma! We ain't running a welcome wagon here! Get back to work!

[SpongeBob runs back and forth until he jumps back into the kitchen.]

Mr. Krabs:
[chuckles] Yeah, sure thing, Plankton. [laughs until Plankton pushes a bucket of cleaning supplies onto Mr. Krabs, making him fall flat on his face on the floor]

Plankton:
[pokes Mr. Krabs' eye] That's Mr. Plankton to you, busboy.

Patrick:
I miss real Krabby Patties!

SpongeBob:
I miss Mr. Krabs.

Patrick:
I miss Sandy.

SpongeBob:
I miss Gary.

Both:
I miss Squidward!

Patrick:
You know who I miss most of all? [takes the pencil and draws a mini version of DoodleBob] SpongeBob!

SpongeBob:
But Patrick, I'm right here.

Sandy:
I ain't fixed the vortex yet! How in tarnation did you get back?

SpongeBob:
Sandy saved us. [he and Patrick leave]

Sandy:
[confused] What? [the old coot's hand appears through the vortex and taps Sandy's shoulder] Huh? Huh?

Old coot:
Give me back my nuts!

[Sandy gulps nervously as the screen irises out on her. DoodleBob appears and writes "The End" on the screen, ending the episode.]

[the episode begins with the start of the late-night talk show "Snark Chat with Bubble Bass"]

Narrator:
Snark Chat with Bubble Bass.

Bubble Bass:
And we're back. My first guest had dinner with me just last night. He's a close personal friend of mine. Please welcome the Krabby Patty. [audience clap] Great to have you back on the program.

Krabby Patty:
Great to be here, BB.

Bubble Bass:
Well, I'm sorry to say it, but last night, you were not quite as delicious as one would hope.

Krabby Patty:
Oh, don't worry, I'm sure Mr. Krabs will give you a refund.

[a percussion rimshot sting is heard, followed by Bubble Bass and the Krabby Patty laughing, Mama Bass interrupts the show as his dream ends]

Mama Bass:
[voiceover] Bubble Bass, who are you talking to down there?

Bubble Bass:
Mother! Please stop trying to undermine my fantasy talk show! [Krabby Patty thuds as a cardboard] Mmph.

Mama Bass:
[voiceover] You march yourself upstairs this instant! Take out the garbage, dry the dishes, and walk the worm!

Bubble Bass:
Ooh, I don't feel like it! Huh? [Mama Bass throws garbage, two dishes, and the worm at him, who swallows the second dish] That tears it, Mother! [grunts] I am moving out! [slams the front door]

Mama Bass:
[voiceover] Moving? Hah! You can't even do your own laundry! [grunts and throws an underwear at Bubble Bass]

Bubble Bass:
I hope you didn't damage my goods.

SpongeBob:
Oh, your goods are all good, Bubble Bass. And we sure build up an appetite for that free lunch. [Patrick gulps out a bib and fork and knife]

Bubble Bass:
Oh, yes, about that. I'm afraid I was waiting for you so long that I ate them! [eats the paper bags] Mmm. [belches and SpongeBob whimpers]

Patrick:
[inhales and swallows the fork, knife, and bib. grumbles] If my friend SpongeBob doesn't get his free lunch, [a realistic close-up of Patrick's face] things are gonna get crazy! [pants while Bubble Bass melts]

SpongeBob:
That was the meanest thing I ever saw, Bubble Bass. You, sir, have crossed the line of aquatic decency. You might think you took a couple of bottom feeders like us for a ride today, but I got a newsflash for you, slappy. These bottom-feeders wouldn't eat your free lunch if you paid us.

Patrick:
I would.

SpongeBob:
Come, Patrick. I'll make you a free Krabby Patty for $2.50 plus tax.

Bubble Bass:
[watches the pair leave and laughs] Well, you pulled it off, Bubble Bass. And you didn't even have to flick a fin. [hums and opens a box]

Mama Bass:
[emerges from a box and growls] Bubble Bass, why do you think it's funny to pack your mother in a box and drag her all over town?!

Bubble Bass:
[shocked] MOTHER?! [grunts as she picks him up and stuffs him in two boxes]

Mama Bass:
[pulls a dolly out her hair] We'll just see how you like it! [pants as she pushes him]

Bubble Bass:
I didn't do it! [Mama Bass bumps into a mailbox] OW! [bumps him into a building] Mother, please— [grunts] It was SpongeBob and Patrick! [grunts] I'll dry the dishes, Mommy. [grunts] I love you, Mommy. [episode irises out on him inside the box]

[SpongeBob and Squidward sneak behind the Chum Bucket. Squidward goes to the front doors, but a meow sound startles him]

Squidward:
Nyah! Whaa?

SpongeBob:
[appears in a cat costume] Sorry. [laughs] Stepped on my (cat) tail.

Squidward:
What are you wearing?

SpongeBob:
I'm a cat burglar! [purrs and meows around Squidward and stops] Okay, I'll change. [rips off his cat costume]

Nat Peterson:
Hooray for SpongeBob! He's our hero!

[The townsfolk cheer. But their cheering shakes the ladder even more.]

SpongeBob:
No! Ahh! Ohh--ow!

[The ladder crumbles and all of the trash as well as SpongeBob, Old Man Jenkins, and the townsfolk are sent crashing down to Bikini Bottom. The city is now a complete mess with trash.]

Old Man Jenkins:
[pops out from the trash, grabs a bottle cap and a fork, and stands on Nat Peterson's head] I'm King Neptune! King of the seven seas, the lakes, rivers, puddles... [spits saliva into a spittoon] And spit too! I'm the king of spit!

King Neptune:
[off-screen] So you're the king of spit? [thunder roars]

Old Man Jenkins:
[nervously] Uh-oh.

[Out from the clouds, the real King Neptune appears on his chariot and he's not very happy.]

King Neptune:
"Uh-oh" is right.

[Old Man Jenkins stands scared as Nat Peterson, upon seeing the real King Neptune, whimpers in fear. He grabs a suitcase and runs away. King Neptune ignites his trident and zaps Old Man Jenkins, burning him to a crisp.]

Old Man Jenkins:
I smell like toast. Am I breakfast? [bites off his hand] Needs jelly.

Mr. Krabs:
[comes by and notices the pile of trash. He also notices SpongeBob's hands sticking out from underneath] Hmm? [pulls out a mortally wounded SpongeBob] Ooh, well, look at that. Someone threw away a good SpongeBob standee. [laughs and throws SpongeBob in his truck-load of SpongeBob-standees] Yagh! [closes the trunk] Oof! [climbs in the truck] Ugh. [drives away with his truck, carrying SpongeBob and the standees inside]

SpongeBob:
They called me a hero.

Fred:
[crushed by by the lighthouse's antenna at Mrs. Puff's boating school] My leg! [run over by an old man's stroller at the circus] Ah! My leg! [while weight lifting] My leg(s)! [fishing out his leg] Hmm? My leg! [the screen then shows Fred being part of Charlie's magic show, where his leg is detached] My leg! [watching TV] My leg!? [crush by a steamroller] My leg(s)! [being drilled in the garbage disposal] My leg! [being blown by an air vent] My leg(s)… [being sawed off by aliens] My leg! [served as a dinner entrée to a hungry human at a restaurant] My leg(s)! [whimpers while being zapped] My leg!

Fred:
Hey everybody, look who's back!

Construction workers:
My leg!

[As Fred goes to begin his job, SpongeBob, who is shaped like Fred, continues to follow him. He hides behind the drilling machine just as Fred is preparing to work. Fred begins his job by pushing logs through the drilling machine.]

SpongeBob:
[rips himself in half] This is his job!? Oh, no. Not safe. Must think. [puts on a fake mustache and construction helmet; talks in a deep voice] Welcome back, Fred. Nice leg work, but you know, it's a lot safer if you use a... table leg instead. [pulls out a table leg]

Fred:
Wow! Really?

SpongeBob:
[chuckles] Now Fred, I wouldn't pull your leg! Watch this. [pushes the log in the drilling machine, but ends up getting caught in the blades] Huh?

[With SpongeBob jamming the machine, it starts to overload and the construction workers flee the factory. The factory unleashes a devastating explosion. The smoke clears and SpongeBob pops out from the debris.]

SpongeBob:
[sighs] Well, at least Fred's leg is safe.

Fred:
My leg is really stressing out, Dr. Charley Horse.

Dr. Charley Horse:
[examining Fred's leg] Hmm. Uh-huh. [twists Fred's leg and bite it] You're right, Fred. It's so tense, but I've got just the remedy. Take off your shoes and follow me.

Patrick:
[wearing a gas mask] So far this plan stinks.

SpongeBob:
This is no time to be smelling stinks, Patrick. I need to protect Fred's leg, and I can't do it alone.

Charley Horse:
The only way to relax your LEG is to walk on... hot coals. [removes the rug]

SpongeBob and Patrick:
Hot coals!?

[SpongeBob goes to protect Fred while Patrick hides in a sock.]

Dr. Horse:
Now, Fred, close your eyes, and repeat after me the ancient mantra, "My feet are cold, my feet are cold…"

Fred and Dr. Horse:
'My feet are cold.'

Fred:
My feet are cold. [stretches his foot out over the hot coals, but SpongeBob lays himself underneath] My feet are cold. [walks on top of SpongeBob as he burns] My feet are cold.

SpongeBob:
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Fred:
My feet are cold. Whoa! [falls on the hot coals] My butt!

Horse:
[his voice gets higher and starts to shrink as he walks on the hot coals] Oh! My feet are cold, my feet are cold, my feet are cold, my feet are cold…! [disappears; forms a word above the coals and whispers] Transcendence.

Fred:
SpongeBob, why are you following my leg?! [pulls SpongeBob off his leg]

SpongeBob:
Fred, you have to listen to me. Your leg is in constant danger. Isn't that so, Patrick?

Patrick:
I think I hurt my leg. [shows the bite mark on his leg]

Fred:
Aww, gee, some guys get all the lucky breaks. [kicks an empty can in SpongeBob's face]

SpongeBob:
[pulls the can off his face] At least you know that your leg's perimeter is secured.

Fred:
I know. I just miss being at the hospital.

SpongeBob:
Why?

Fred:
Well, secretly...

SpongeBob:
Ooh! [leans closer to listen]

Fred:
[whispers] I'm in love with a nurse.

SpongeBob:
Ooh, you're in love with a nurse? Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! Fred, I've got an idea. Why don't we hurt your leg so you can be reunited with your lady fair?

Fred:
Let's do it, and we should step on it. It's almost time for her break.

SpongeBob:
I'd say it's almost time for your break.

Fred:
[sighs] Thank you, SpongeBob. If it wasn't for you, I never would have made it back to my angel goddess.

SpongeBob:
Oh, don't thank me, Fred. Your leg did all the heavy lifting. I can't wait to meet this angel goddess of yours.

Fred:
Well, wait no longer, SpongeBob. Hello, Nurse Bazooka!

SpongeBob:
Nurse Bazooka?

Nurse Bazooka:
Sponge bath time!

Fred: You know, this reminds me of a song. [sings] ♪ When I met you, my fingers went numb and my arms were all aloof. But I tripped over your heart. And now, my loneliness went poof. Because... my leg is in love! Hey, my leg is in love! Like an old, snug shoe that fits like a glove! My leg is in love! Wow, my leg is in love! Through my femur to the marrow is where Cupid shot an arrow! So, my leg is in love! Whoa! My leg is in love! My calves are getting restless! My quads are going crazy! I'm in love with a nurse, and I think her name is Daisy! ♪

Nurse Daisy Bazooka:
[blushes] Me?

Chorus: ♪ His leg is in love! Yeah! His leg is in love! ♪

Fred: ♪ I really mean it! Yeah, my leg! ♪

Chorus:
♪ His leg! ♪

Fred:
♪ Oh, yes! ♪

Chorus:
♪ Oh, yes! ♪

Fred:
♪ My leg is in love! ♪

Chorus:
♪ His leg is in love! ♪

Fred:
♪ Yeah! ♪

Squidward:
Hello?

[The door slams itself shut, leaving Squidward locked outside. Squidward tries to open it to go back in, but it wouldn't budge. The lights turn on. Squidward turns around and finds himself in a haunted themed area made by Patrick himself.]

Squidward:
[whimpering] I've lost it. I can't tell what's real anymore! [Patrick scares Squidward with a toy worm and a toy snail under his feet. The toy snail makes Squidward flip over and fall on the ground.]

Patrick:
Boo! I'm a haunted... [swings over Squidward with a tablecloth over his body] tablecloth! [Squidward screams a sprays more ink out from his nose. The ink fills several cups, pitchers, bowls, and pails laid out by Patrick. Patrick swings himself into a wall and laughs. Squidward runs up the stairs while spraying ink in more cups and bowls laid out by Patrick. He runs into a spooky baby's room with creepy music playing in the background.]

Squidward:
Not creepy nursery rhyme music! [Squidward hears a creaking sound in the crib behind him. He looks in the crib and sees Patrick wearing a creepy baby costume while having a nose similar to Squidward's.]

Patrick:
Dada! [Squidward screams and sprays more ink out from his nose into the crib. Squidward runs out through the window. Patrick puts the sucker back on the baby bottle filled with ink] Thank you, Daddy!

[Squidward falls to the ground and sees a spooky but crudely version of the Krusty Krab in front of him.]

Squidward:
The Krusty Krab? How did I wind up here? I don't think I want to go in. [a newspaper falls on him; he gasps as he reads it] This newspaper is dated 60 years into the future. [The conveyor belt underneath him moves and it takes him inside. Squidward covers his eyes] I can't look! I'm afraid to see. Please, no.

[Squidward looks up and sees a puppet version of his old futuristic self in his workstation.]

Puppet Squidward:
May I help you, young man?

[Squidward's nose becomes a faucet and he screams the ink out of himself. Patrick, who is operating the old Squidward puppet, watches down happily. Squidward has had enough of the haunted area and goes to run away. He runs out of the haunted area and bumps into Don the Whale at the lemonade stand.]

SpongeBob:
Squidward, if you want to buy some black lemonade, you'll have to get in the back of the line.

Patrick Star:
Hey, Squidward. You really should watch the closing doors.

[Squidward hisses at Patrick].

[Mr. Krabs is bathing in a tub of money in the restaurant. SpongeBob and Sandy enter the restaurant and sulk over to Mr. Krabs.]

SpongeBob:
Oh, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs gasps and hides in the tub] I got all the secret ingredients on your list, but Plankton stole them all! I made the apocalypse!

[SpongeBob cries a fountain of tears and spray them all over the restaurant, which hits Mr. Krabs. Sandy gets drenched on by the tears and activates the windshield wipers on her helmet.]

Mr. Krabs:
[plugs SpongeBob's mouth with a cork] Now, now, son. You didn't make the apocalypse. I couldn't afford to have Plankton following me while I was getting the real ingredients at the Barg'N-Mart, could I?

[Mr. Krabs pushes the button on the table Fred is eating on and it flips over showing a shopping cart containing the real Krabby Patty ingredients.]

Fred:
[screams] MY LEG!

SpongeBob:
So, my list was a fake? So, no apocalypse?

Mr. Krabs:
No apocalypse.

SpongeBob:
I saved the world! [laughs and dances around the restaurant while Sandy glares angrily at Mr. Krabs] No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse!

Mr. Krabs:
Let's not go too far.

Sandy:
[rolls up her sleeves] You mean you sent my best friend on a dangerous wild goose chase just so you could go shopping?! [backs Mr. Krabs into his office] Excuse us, SpongeBob. [closes the door while wearing her karate glove] This is for my tail!

Mr. Krabs:
Wait, Sandy, I was—

Sandy:
Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard. Mr. Krabs ends up crashing into the door, buttocks first] This is for almost getting us killed!

Mr. Krabs:
Wait, Sandy!

Sandy:
Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard again. This time, head first at the door, and comes out with a bag of money as compensation for Sandy's submarine] And this is for my submarine, Matilda!

[Mr. Krabs comes out and is completely beaten up.]

Sandy:
[kicks the plank Mr. Krabs is standing on] Hi-yah! Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs and sends him flying through the roof]

Mr. Krabs:
Well, I guess I had that coming.

[Meanwhile, at the Chum Bucket, Plankton is fixing up a batch of Krabby Patties with the fake ingredients.]

Plankton:
Can you believe it, Karen? After all these years, the secret ingredients are finally here! And the final ingredient: [pulls out a bucket of ghost dandruff from the bag] ghost dandruff!

Karen:
[backs away] I wouldn't add that last one...

Plankton:
[adds ghost dandruff to the batch] Ha, ha! I can't wait to see the look on Krabs' face!

[Plankton stirs the fake ingredients all together. Then all of a sudden, the Chum Bucket explodes and sends Plankton flying in the sky.]

Plankton:
[screams until he sees Mr. Krabs] Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
Plankton.

Squidward:
Pearl! Are you all right?

Pearl:
Oh, Squidward! I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you!

Squidward:
It's okay! Let's just get you out of here!

[He tries to pull her back underwater, but only manages to pull her boots off, and is sent flying backwards. He pulls on her legs again, and this time only ends up tearing his own arms off]

Squidward:
Okay! Okay, just hold on a second!

[He darts off]

Pearl:
Hold on? What are you-?

[His arms having grown back like nothing happened, Squidward plugs his bicycle pump into Pearl's blowhole and pumps as fast as he can. Pearl inflates like a balloon and starts to float in the air. Squidward yanks the pump away from her blowhole. Pearl deflates quickly, is sent careening through the sky, and when she is back to her normal size, plunges back into the water and lands safely on the back of Squidward's bike.]

[The last wall breaks apart and falls outside the building. Now, the entire building is completely destroyed. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick finally cleaning the stain off the floor of the main office right before dawn.]

SpongeBob:
SpongeBob SquarePants always keeps his word. That carpet is clean.

Patrick:
And I helped!

SpongeBob:
You sure did, buddy! Come on, pal. Let's go get us a snack.

Patrick:
Oh, I like that sound, SpongeBob!

[SpongeBob and Patrick leave the building as it now stands in ruin. Meanwhile, the worker, who was not aware of the destruction, gets up from his chair, stretches and prepares to leave. However, he falls downward. The security guard enters the ruins of the building and catches the worker. He sees the place completely destroyed and drops the worker.]

Security Guard:
I quit.

[The episode begins with a storybook entitled "Patnocchio." The book opens and the screens zooms into the picture of Karen in a beautiful fairy outfit holding her wand. She is seen standing outside of Bikini Bottom at night.]

Karen:
[to the viewers] Greetings, children of Bikini Bottom. I am Karen the Computer Fairy. [waves her wand and a scallop flies on her hand; she sings really loud, which causes the scallop to shatter into bits, acting like glass.] And I have a magic tale to tell. [waves her wand and a picture of Patrick appears on her screen] Once upon a time, there was a dim-witted sea star [Patrick appears in a puppet outfit and looks a lot like the character, Pinocchio] who was about to stuff his fat face. [waves her wand with the word "Magics" fly by; her screen shows the Krusty Krab]

Mr. Krabs:
Break a leg. Break two legs.

Fred:
MY LEG!

Mr. Krabs:
Shut up, Fred!

Mr. Krabs:
I know you're in here, Plankton. Where are you hiding?

Plankton:
[off-screen] I'm right here... [Mr. Krabs jumps out and sees the television on] at the Chum Bucket! Come on down and try our new Chum Nuggets.

Mr. Krabs:
Heh. [turns off the television] Whew. [sees Plankton's shadow and gasps; he hides behind a pole; he looks and sees that is was only a cup with two straws] Oh. [chuckles] Just a—just a cup.

[Mr. Krabs hallucinates when he sees the cup transform into Plankton. Plankton laughs evilly and Mr. Krabs becomes scared. Everywhere he looks, he sees everything transform into various images of Plankton, laughing at Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs runs to escape, but no matter how he attempts to escape, all of the images of Plankton keep following him while laughing. Mr. Krabs crawls into a hole, which turns into Plankton's eyeball and reveals a red demonic version of Plankton holding the secret formula while laughing. Back in reality, Mr. Krabs is completely losing himself and screams. He runs to the bathroom and goes to wash his face at the sink.]

Mr. Krabs:
[washes his face] Get ahold of yourself. Get ahold of yourself. [turns off the faucet and sighs] I'm starting to see things. [laughs]

[Mr. Krabs hallucinates again as he is seeing his eyestalks transform into Plankton. He screams and gibbers. He runs up the pole with the formula and pops out from the ceiling.]

SpongeBob:
[straightens himself out] Oh, tender, naïve Patrick, it's not that kind of playground. It's a place to read books! See?

Patrick:
Oh, I love books! [laughs and throws books around] Book! Book! [SpongeBob dodges the incoming books] Book!

SpongeBob:
[whispers] Gary, I don't think Patrick knows how to use a book properly. [gets hit in the face by a book] Ow! [removes the book and grabs Patrick] Behold the books, Patrick. Each one has a story to tell.

Patrick:
Whoa.

SpongeBob:
Look out! Those books are cliffhangers, stories for the adventurous. [Two books are clinging for their lives on the shelf. Patrick panics and rushes to help them.]

Patrick:
I'll save you! [climbs on the shelf] Whoa! [falls down and gets crushed underneath]

SpongeBob:
[pulls Patrick out and shows a log-shaped book] There are logbooks, [holds up a really large book entitled, "War and Peace"] unabridged books, [shows a pop-up book that displays London's Tower Bridge] and books with bridges.

Patrick:
Whoa! [laughs]

SpongeBob:
[puts a book close to his ear] Listen to the soothing sounds of the audiobooks. [hears seagulls cawing and ocean waves] I can hear the ocean.

Patrick:
[grabs a book and hears a toilet flushing.] Me too!

[SpongeBob and Patrick laugh.]

SpongeBob:
Cookbooks, for the culinarily curious.

Patrick:
[takes a page that has a picture of a turkey on it. He puts it on a stove, fries it up, and eats it.] I like the pictures.

SpongeBob:
[reaches in Patrick's mouth and grabs the page] Ah, but the pictures are a mere snack! [closes the book and puts it away] It's the words in the book that really feeds your brain. Let's start you off with an old book. [takes an old book that is covered in cobwebs and dust; he parachutes down and opens the book; and eerie dust bunny appears and SpongeBob sniffs it up] Ah, musty old books smell. Now, read the words, Patrick.

Patrick:
Oh, read the—oh, uh..."Once...Upon a..." "Once upon a..." Once upon a what?!

SpongeBob:
To continue the story, you have to turn the page. [turns a page]

Patrick:
Oh. "Time." "Once upon a time!" [laughs and turns pages] That's the most amazing trick I've ever seen! I want to stare at more words!

SpongeBob:
Then feast your eyes!

[SpongeBob turns the pages and Patrick goes to read. Inside Patrick's head, his brain is sitting alone on the couch, feeling bored. It picks its nose and smears it on the arm rest. It then sees Patrick looking at the words in the book he's reading.]

Patrick:
Once upon a time...

Mr. Krabs:
You and me are getting into that police department to get that formula back!

SpongeBob:
How?

[Mr. Krabs puts on a police officer outfit]:

Mr. Krabs:
By dressing like the po-po.

SpongeBob:
The po-po? Oh, no, no.

Mr. Krabs:
[removes SpongeBob's hat with the club] No, no po-po—no job-o for you-o. Comprendo?

SpongeBob:
So-so. [gulps] But I'll go-go.

Mr. Krabs:
First, we build a furnace to make the bottles.

[Sandy pulls out the molten glass from the furnace. She takes a deep breath and blows the glass into a shoe. She does it the second time and blows it into a human brain. She does it the third time and blows it into a sea shell. She does it the fourth time and makes it into the bottle she needed for her ship.]

Sandy:
Perfect and slick as a whistle. [blows in the bottle and makes a whistle; she shows the bottle to Mr. Krabs]

Mr. Krabs:
Hmm. [takes out a hammer and smashes the bottle] Try again.

Sandy:
[growls in disgust. She makes another bottle and shows it to Mr. Krabs.] Huh?

Mr. Krabs:
[smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again.

[Sandy makes another bottle and shows it to Mr. Krabs. This time, Mr. Krabs is on a swing.]

Sandy:
Huh?

Mr. Krabs:
[smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [Sandy makes another bottle.; smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [Sandy makes another bottle.; smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [Sandy makes another bottle.; smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [She makes one more bottle and is breathing heavily in anger. Mr. Krabs holds out the hammer and goes to hit the bottle. Sandy cowers as he is going to strike at the bottle. This time, Mr. Krabs doesn't destroy it. He sees it as the perfect bottle for the model ship.] Perfect!

Sandy:
Whew!

Mr. Krabs:
Now, we can start on the ship. [accidentally smashes her bottle with the hammer] Oh, wait, um, I wasn't supposed to break that one, was I?

Sandy:
[whimpers and is completely worn out] I feel like chewed-up twine. I'm goin' to bed. And you can forget about the prize money, 'cause the contest is tomorrow.

Mr. Krabs:
[spits his soda out in surprise] Tomorrow?! [cries as his tears fill up his water helmet] Me prize money! Hey, mind if I take a crack at this ship bottle thing?

Sandy:
Knock yourself out. [closes the door]

Pearl:
I'm number one! You're number two! I'm gonna beat the nerd out of you!

Squidina:
[huffs] No one beats the nerd out of Squidina! [throws a moon rock at Pearl]

Pearl:
Whoa! [ducks from the incoming moon rock] Missed me! [laughs and blows a raspberry]

[Squidina's moon rock float around the moon and hits Pearl in the face.]

Squidina:
Science! Yay!

[An exhausted SpongeBob walks up to the front door of his house.]

SpongeBob:
[sighs and looks at his watch] Well, I may have missed the live broadcast, but at least I got it all on tape. Here I come, "Mermaid Man!" [tries to open the door but it's locked] Oh. [tries to pull it open but to no avail; he checks his pockets] Where'd I put my keys? [peaks through the window] Did I leave them on the table again? [sees his VCR going haywire and it spits out the tape's film] No, my tape! [the ice block explodes and soda flies everywhere] My soda! [the popcorn machine explodes] My popcorn! [sees everything a complete mess] My "Mermaid Man!" [the house bursts into flames and he screams]

[Gary gets shot out of the house on a flying soda bottle. SpongeBob goes to catch Gary, but he lands on his face.]

Gary:
Meow. [slithers off of SpongeBob]

[SpongeBob, completely shocked at what happened, starts feeling really sad and begins to cry. His crying is so loud that it is heard all across Bikini Bottom, which results in waking up the townsfolk. Moments later, Squidward, Patrick, Sandy, Larry, Mr. Krabs, Plankton and Mrs. Puff arrive to see what was the matter.]

Sandy:
Hey there, SpongeBob. Why all the waterworks?

SpongeBob:
[sniffles and wipes his tears with his nose like a windshield wiper] I was so busy helping everyone that I missed "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" and my VCR didn't record it and now I'll never see it and my life has no meaning!

[SpongeBob sulks away from his friends and goes back into his burning house crying hysterically, now that his chances of seeing the long-lost episode of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy has been shattered. All of SpongeBob's friends including Squidward look on at him with sad faces and realized what they had done:
they took his kindness for granted and inexplicably ruined his chances of seeing the episode he's been looking forward to watching.]

Plankton:
Oh, no. Your nodes are swollen. That old bucket of bolts gave you a computer virus.

Karen:
Oh, nonsense. I'm the fastest computer alive. [stammers as she short-circuits and goes haywire]

[Karen rams into the wall]

Karen:
Uh-oh. [laughs] My ones and zeroes look like 10, 10, 10, 10.

Ideal Plankton:
Neptune's network! Which one of you is the real SpongeBob?

[SpongeBob and Off Model SpongeBob point at each other. Then stare at themselves in confusion]

Ideal Plankton:
I'll have to use all the computation power I have to figure this out. Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. [blasts Off Model SpongeBob]

SpongeBob:
Duh, duh, doy, doy. Duh, duh, doy, doy.

Ideal Plankton:
Oh, no. I think I destroyed the wrong SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
Duh, duh, doy— [shakes himself back to his normal form] How do I look?

Ideal Plankton:
Stunning.

[Before Ideal Plankton can have his turn to swing across, the ground beneath him gave way and he falls into the ravine below.]

Ideal Plankton:
It's up to you, SpongeBob! You must save Karen!

SpongeBob:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ideal Plankton:
[off-screen] What do you mean, no?!

SpongeBob:
I mean, YES!!!!!

Mr. Krabs:
Spongebob, zip it.

Spongebob:
Oh, thanks. [zipping noise] You know not every friend will tell you when y-

Spongebob:
WOOOOOH! There is nothing better than spending 18 hours at Glove World.

[Mr. Krabs comes out from his office and is shocked to see a long line of starving animals. Squidward is slumped over the cash register, sound asleep and snoring softly. Mr. Krabs yells in his face]

Mr. Krabs:
Mr. Squidward!

[Squidward's face is blown straight into his hat. The octopus takes his hat out and his face straightens out]

Squidward:
Huh? Huh? What? Who?

Mr. Krabs:
What's going on here? How long have these folk beasts been waiting to give me their money?

[Old Man Jenkins, who is standing at the front of the line, keels over and dies. His angel begins to float away, but he grabs the angel and pulls him back into his body. He sits up and gives a thumbs up]

Old Man Jenkins:
I'm okay.

Mrs. Puff:
I'm not so sure about pranking SpongeBob. He can't help he's insufferable.

Sandy:
Nobody likes a good prank more than SpongeBob.

Mrs. Puff:
Mm. Okay.

SpongeBob:
Sandy, don't you think you're playing a teensy-weensy bit rough? Just a smidge? Hm?

Sandy:
Aww, I'm actually going a little easy on you guys, seein' as you're all so delicate. [lets them go and takes out a bucket of chum] Hey, who wants to play "dodge the chum?" [throws some chum at SpongeBob]

SpongeBob:
No, I don't think I'm— [gets chum thrown in his face] Sandy is really stressing me out today. You want to go jellyfishing?

Patrick:
[licks the chum off SpongeBob's face] No, I'd rather go jellyfishing.

SpongeBob:
You sure you don't wanna go [takes out his jellyfishing net] jellyfishing?

Patrick:
I said no. [takes out his net] I wanna go jellyfishing.

SpongeBob:
[groans] Okay, we'll do what you want.

[Now, with everything completely gone, SpongeBob finally finds the end of the loose string. Just then, Patrick comes in.]

SpongeBob:
Patrick, hi.

Patrick:
[sees a loose string on SpongeBob's shirt] You have a thing on your thing.

[Patrick pulls the loose string on SpongeBob and unravels him into a string. Then he uses the string to floss his teeth like dental floss. SpongeBob giggles in the background, ending the episode.]

Squidward:
Go on without me! [SpongeBob runs, but is grabbed by Squidward] No, wait, don't.